Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 679: 5 Phrases Avoidants LOVE To Say

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Episode 679: 5 Phrases Avoidants LOVE To Say · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:00
  Is your ex an avoidant? Are you sure?
• 0:04
  Just because they're currently avoiding you, it doesn't mean
• 0:06
  they're an avoidant. Just because someone's not that
• 0:09
  interested, it doesn't mean they're an avoidant.
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  How can you tell? Well, I'm going to give you 5
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  phrases, Avoidance, always use. And then I'm going to tell you
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  what a securely attached person would say instead.
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  Hi, this is Lucia with the art of love.
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  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
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  you get your X back or to get over your X.
• 0:31
  And welcome back my beautiful no contact army.
• 0:33
  Have you been a good little soldier?
• 0:35
  Well, if you have, then you've downloaded my app Silencio, and
• 0:39
  the link to that is underneath every single video and podcast.
• 0:42
  And if you too would like to join our no contact Army, all
• 0:45
  you have to do is hit the subscribe button and the bell
• 0:50
  notification and you're in. And to read our manual, go to
• 0:54
  nocontactsecrets.com where you can read 2 free chapters before
• 0:58
  you purchase the book. All right, let's get right into
• 1:01
  it. So the first phrase is I'm not
• 1:04
  good at texting or I'm not really into texting.
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  I'm a bad texter. Some version thereof.
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  They don't want to feel obligated to respond in a timely
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  manner. It feels like pressure to have
• 1:18
  to give back to you. They don't want to feel
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  controlled, and they also want to keep your arm's length so
• 1:23
  that it protects them from getting too emotionally
• 1:26
  involved. As you may or may not know, I'm
• 1:30
  an avoidant, a dismissive avoidant, a proud dismissive
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  avoidant. And I'm not big on texting or
• 1:37
  notifications because I feel like it's an interruption.
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  So if I'm going about my day and I'm totally focused on what I'm
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  doing, I prefer to just wait till I get home and then respond
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  to all the texts at that time. It just seems more efficient to
• 1:49
  me than having to stop whatever I'm doing throughout the day to
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  text back. And a secure person will let you
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  know that they may not always be able to get back to you right
• 1:59
  away, but they will try to get back to you as soon as possible.
• 2:02
  And they will never leave you unread.
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  And sometimes when they text back, they may say, oh, I'm so
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  sorry I wasn't able to text you sooner because blah blah blah.
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  The next phrase is, I don't date much because I'm busy with work.
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  Most avoidance are workaholics and that's how they avoid
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  emotional connection. They're putting their energy and
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  emotion into work rather than another person.
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  Because work won't cheat on you, work won't betray you, work
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  won't leave you in debt, work won't leave you for someone
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  else. So they feel safer working
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  rather than being in a relationship.
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  However, a secure person would say, I'm really busy with work
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  and I don't date much, but I'm going to make time for you, even
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  if it's just meeting for a quick drink after work or a phone call
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  at lunch. The third phrase that shows that
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  someone may be an avoidant is when they tell you that it's
• 3:02
  been a long time since they've been in an actual relationship
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  or if they've never been in an actual relationship.
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  Now obviously if the person is in their late teens or early
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  20s, that's fine if they've never been in a relationship.
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  But once you get past your early to mid 20s and you've never been
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  in a relationship, that's not a good sign.
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  That's usually actually a bad sign.
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  It means that they're an avoidant because avoidance
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  usually prefer situationships or friends with benefits situations
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  so that they again don't have to get emotionally involved.
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  Whereas secure people, they value relationships and they're
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  comfortable being in relationships, so they don't
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  usually let years go by before they're in another relationship
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  when the previous one ends. But if for some reason it has
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  been a few years since they were in a relationship, they'll let
• 3:56
  you know that connection is important to them and for
• 3:58
  whatever reason, they just have not dated in the last few years.
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  And by the way, if you're finding this video helpful, be
• 4:06
  sure to share it so we can help more people find out whether X
• 4:09
  is an avoidant or not. OK, Next, if the word
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  independent or independence comes up, if they say that their
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  independence is important to them or that they're very
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  independent, you can be absolutely sure they're an
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  avoidant. Avoidance value their
• 4:27
  independence more than any other attachment style, and they guard
• 4:30
  it fiercely and anyone who tries to take it away will be seen as
• 4:34
  an enemy. Meanwhile, a secure person is
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  more interested in interdependence than
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  independence. They know that no man or woman
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  is an island and we all need each other.
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  And they also understand that neither codependence nor hyper
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  independence is good if you're trying to build a relationship.
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  It's all about balance. And then finally, the 5th phrase
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  an avoidant may use is I need a lot of space.
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  I need a lot of alone time. So even if your ex didn't say
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  any of the other 4 phrases but they say this one, you can bet
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  your boots that they're an avoidant.
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  Because avoidance are the only people who need a lot of space.
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  And if you're anxious, that's obviously difficult to hear
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  because you don't want any space.
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  You want to be attached at the hip.
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  But the idea of being attached at the hip will give an avoidant
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  the ick, the attached at the hip.
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  Meanwhile, a secure person won't say that they need a lot of
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  space. They may occasionally need more
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  space than normal because something's come up in up in
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  their life or they're busier than usual, but it won't be
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  something that happens often. OK, so those are the five
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  phrases. Now I want to hear from you.
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  Which of these phrases did your ex say to you, if any?
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  And if they didn't say anything, they are probably not an
• 6:06
  avoidant. And in the meantime, if you'd
• 6:09
  like my help to get your ex back, you can contact me at
• 6:12
  theartoflove.net and we will send you the rates.
• 6:15
  The direct link is below. Every single video and podcast.
• 6:19
  If you found this video helpful, please like, subscribe and
• 6:21
  share. If you're listening to this as a
• 6:24
  podcast, please rate and review and find and remember.
• 6:28
  Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.