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When a highly sensitive man catches himself reacting (INFJ / INFP) · Lightbearer's Library

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, dear soul.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps recently you found yourself triggered by something that you've been listening to on a podcast or in a video or in a conversation with a loved one.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: And you found yourself all of a sudden being swept up in a pattern that happens.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: For you, it might be everyone's different.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: For me, I know it becomes this sort of internal swirl of emotions and thoughts and confusion inside of me about what's happening.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Or it could be that you end up going on a rant about something that um, you know, that has triggered you and all the emotions or the thoughts and about that topic.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think with this is something we all share in common.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I think these these things that, and it can also be triggered by by our wounds, right?
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Our the things that have happened to us in our past, and it can bring up painful, painful memories, painful things within us.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: And so there's there's kind of two sets of of triggers for us, those ones that bring us deep down into our pain and our sorrow and suffering, and the ones that maybe are more create create intellectual uh stimulation or ones that are maybe more of our patterns and anger that that shows up.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that these, you know, in the live we did this weekend, we were talking about trip being triggered, and um, especially on my channel, we talk about we talk about deep, deep things and and wounded things, the places in us that are wounded, and often watching or listening to me talk about that can bring up a lot of a lot of things for people.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so I honor you and I see you in that, and it's not always the right time to to to go into those things, you know.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think when we're looking to to hold hold space for our wounds, we need to be very, very cautious and and loving.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes we need to turn off the external external stimulation, especially as highly sensitive people, you know, turning off all the all the all the all the incoming, right?
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever that looks like for you, that you have incoming, turning off YouTube, turning off, um, you know, looking at the news, the emails, social media, whatever.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: That is like taking the time to to love ourselves, to journal or listen to beautiful music or go for a walk, those kinds of things that that can calm and soothe and heal ourselves.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: So we wanna like this this conversation is obviously lots of nuance and it's very personal.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: We're all we're all these individual, beautiful souls that have these unique experiences that we've all gone through.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And so you have a particular way and particular needs in that.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: But I'd love to have a of a discussion about you know being triggered.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because in the in the live, we were talking about this, and and Jim said, um, he said, triggering is good.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: It helps remind us of what we need to work on.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's so true for the most part, right?
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: And and and this is maybe not to do with with deep wounds.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: We know they're there, it's um consciously, and maybe we're working on those things.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: But but the the ones about, you know, it helps remind us of what we need to work on is so true, I've found.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: And it's kind of hard to to uh but make those, it's it's it's work to make those thought triggers conscious because as soon as as soon as somebody, you know, or something that triggers switched, there's so much so much energy that that arises in our bodies and our minds, then all of a sudden we're like whether it's emotional or intellectual, however our particular way of being triggered is we're all of a sudden 15, 20 minutes away from from the trigger, from what actually happened.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so these things can be really, really subtle that trigger us.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: You know, perhaps we're watching a video and we're not necessarily paying attention to the really what's the content.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, everything's always going in, right?
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: Whether we're paying full attention or not.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: But um I know for me, sometimes like an hour later, I'll be all of a sudden worried and anxious about money and how am I worrying about paying the bills.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: And and I I have to just stop and go, what what in my day, where did that come from?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Cause I think, you know, we're we're like, it's almost like dominoes, right?
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Where the these thoughts and things come from other places.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm always trying to find out where that, where, where that domino came and and I'll sit and just look through my day at, you know, was it an email that I got or a conversation with my husband, or um, you know, and often it's it's like a video that I've watched, and somebody, it could even just be one sentence, and then all of a sudden, you know, later I'll be thinking about these things.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: So it can be it could be that subtle to to find a subtle of a trigger.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so then it's about bringing my focus back to what's positive, what's going right, where I'm I'm putting my energy and attention, which is on the library, right?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: And but then there can be things that are, you know, not so subtle, like we're having a conversation and a topic comes up that is really emotional for us.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, that's when I'm talking to my husband Ray, you know, he'll bring up and he and and he's got a good reason for it.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so we've talked about it, but you know, he'll bring up my brother as a as an example of um as an example of someone who is a manipulator, or someone who is um who who does things that maybe he says he values this, but he does this action, or you know, it's just he'll he'll bring him up and his reasoning being that you know, we don't know a lot of people, and and my brother is just a recent example in my life of of that behavior.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so, but for me, that brings up, you know, when we've talked about this before, of like not wanting to see, especially like our family members or whoever, not wanting to them to see them in that light.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's hard for me.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like the reality is really hard when I I also see and remember him being uh this little kid that you know wanted to ride and play in the woods and go for bike rides and you know, all the things and had so the it's like this incongruency between how he's treated me and my and my husband and what he what he does, you know, with his family and his work and whatever, and how how I see him and want to kind of hold on to his the way I see him in my mind.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: But um, so that kind of triggers me when he when he comes up.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm aware when my brother comes up, I'm aware of that and I try and remain calm.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes I'll just say to my husband, like, can can we please not talk about my brother right now?
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, so it's working, working on that, knowing it, being conscious as opposed to within that conversation, then like turning on my husband or like or or just like allowing that that to be unconscious, and then for me to get riled up and say something I don't mean, maybe.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I think that there's also this nuance of triggers being being really painful, like I said before, and just uncomfortable.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: So uncomfortable in maybe it's different ideologies that make us uncomfortable versus painful wounds from childhood that are deep and need healing.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I guess the the deeper versus the more surface level level triggers.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: So being being kind of like mindful of those.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: And then there can be the the right the triggers that are happening right now, things of of events and circumstances that are current for us in the moment.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, for me, like the example of of money and how we're gonna pay the bills and all that all that stuff, like it's a current reality for me right now.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: But there could be things versus triggers that come up that are old wounds from childhood or and but they could also be both, I suppose, because it could be to do with a family member, for instance, who triggers us in the present, as well as you know, the all the wounds from from the past.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: It can play on those, or it can be somebody in the present that is that there's that resonance with old wounds as well.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: So all of those things, it's it's a it's a game of of presence.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: A game.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you know, I try and see it that way because I think what we what what needs to happen is uh is being curious, you know, bringing curiosity and a bit of a bit of like I wonder what's happening, a bit of, yeah, um uh yeah, curiosity, that's what what it is.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: So curiosity as to what happened.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like just the other day, you know, and I was saying this in the live, you know, my husband said something, and then I got because what happens is it gets all it gets all muddy and confused in there, and then I don't quite remember what the trigger was, and then I'll get upset or whatever.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: So it's trying to catch it closer and closer to the trigger before before moving on to say, oh, that really just made me feel stupid right now.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I just need a second to like know that that's not what you're saying, and like I just heard that and it it you know it brought up all the stuff around my pattern and my my thought pattern of thinking that you know I'm stupid.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like okay, recognizing that.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I just would like to say that if the library has become a meaningful place to you and it's something that you'd like to help me keep creating this videos and this this space of wonderful community for highly sensitive men, I would really, really appreciate it.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it would help me if you would subscribe and like and share this video.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: And if you have the means, then I would love it if you could contribute financially, however small.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that really helps.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: And the links are below.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that also there's a there's a feeling and a knowing of like when when reactions are disproportionate to what is happening, those are also moments of digging deeper into where that's coming from.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: So all of these, I think that's what we're talking about, triggers being a gift, a gift to us.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Even if it's painful to hold a mirror up, that's what it is.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's a mirror to say, hey, what what is what is this bringing up?
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so when it's disproportionate, you know, somebody's having a we're having a conversation and they're just talking, and then all of a sudden we're like feeling this massive thing.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, what is that?
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: What did what were the words that they said that and obviously like we we can get closer and closer to that the more and more aware we are.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so it's the when it's disproportionate though, I think that that really speaks to older, deeper wounds, and those might take longer to uncover as to why we're we're reacting so deeply and or so so in such a big way.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's interesting, I'll just tell you, like when I asked my husband what triggers him as as an INFJ, because I know there's different things between me as an INFP um and him as an INFJ.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was I was curious, like what is it in him?
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like for me, I'm always trying to maintain my own inner, my own inner calm, my own inner, inner peacefulness with like introverted feeling.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: I need the inside of of my feelings to be calm.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: And for him, I asked him what it triggered what triggered him, and then it ended up him going on a rant about the thing that triggers him.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: He said you should say that, that'd be funny.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um But his because his thing is about is about suffering, natural evil, like gratuitous suffering, and why like an animal suffering, and why suffering beyond what someone maybe would need to learn the lesson, why that happens.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if we if we've gone through a lot of suffering in our lives, we can get to that point where we start to question, like, okay, there's enough suffering in my life, like I'm I'm um under a pile of suffering, and I, you know, so his biggest thing that triggers him is like the um theodicy, which is sort of the attempts to explain the problem of evil with a triple omni god.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's specifically like the Christian theodicy.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: So for him, his his thing that he's been focused on the last, well, I mean, number of years is is that.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that comes down to again this this place of is we look around at the world and we see we see as maybe intuitives as as you know we see the world as it could be, and we're quite aware of how it's not that.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: And in a lot of ways, we want to try and ease the suffering and make the suffering of others, whether it's you know, other sentient beings, so other animals and other people, you know, we just we feel it.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: We feel our own suffering, we feel other people's suffering, and we want to help.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: So for him, he and and when I went to ask him that question, he was watching a video uh on on like theodicy and how it it doesn't it just doesn't stand up, the theodicy's and so he was anti-gaslighting himself, he said.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think for him, yeah, it's like when topics of of suffering come up that um is something for him that he feels like he wants to fix and help.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I would love to hear from you about your thoughts on being triggered and what you've learned from being triggered.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: Have you found that you are less triggered now than you used to be?
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: And how did you, you know, sharing with one another in the comments?
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: I like I really feel that this this space and this community that we're building is such a a wonderful treasure trove of of experience and and and witnessing, right?
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's just by sharing our own experiences, by by commenting on someone else's sharing and saying, I I I see you and I feel you in that, or whatever it is in your words, um to share, to share our own experiences allows someone to read them and say, Oh, like I should try that, or it's like, so we're not we're not ever like giving others advice about what they should do necessarily.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think that can be helpful, but people can find their own advice.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's like in sharing our own, I mean, that's what this channel is.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: I try and share my own experiences in the hopes that it can help you reflect on yours and go, yes, that's like mine.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's not like mine in these ways, and can be a a way of helping us to ask questions of ourselves because and be curious and know thyself.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's at the bottom of what we're talking about and and doing here on the channel, I think, is going on a journey of knowing thyself.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you would like to come on a journey of knowing thyself with um a handful of other highly sensitive men, today is the last day to sign up for the, well, it starts tonight on Tuesday night, um, is the men's sanctuary where we gather for four weeks.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I do think it's a good idea to kind of follow Maslow's hierarchy, or there are different different models, but to to go on a journey of exploring how that reflects in our own life or how we how we are how how we are thinking about all of those things.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: So from security and belonging all the way to to our spiritual, our spiritual growth.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's that's the the envisioned journey, but it's we're on an intuitive journey, so it goes where we where we where each where we we all contribute to make it a journey together.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it's been really wonderful.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: The first one went really well and had good feedback about, you know, men feeling like they they belonged, even though everyone was so different seemingly.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: But there's always the overlap of the Venn diagram of people sharing bits and pieces of other people's experiences and feeling the sense of human connection and and just having having real conversations about real meaningful things.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know about you, but sometimes it can feel like the world is not really, not really, not really doing that.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm you're welcome to do that.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: And then tomorrow Wednesday evening is um the men's group.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: And that I think will be the last one for maybe a couple of weeks.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, just because I'm gonna take a time out to just I've been feeling a bit burned out and just um so yeah, to take time to focus on the men's sanctuary.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: And um, but yeah, so I'd love to have you there and we can talk about anything that comes up for you, you know, maybe the the the idea of being triggered, um, we could talk about that and how you've moved through that.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I would love to to have you join us on Wednesday evening.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: And lastly, I'm so excited because on Wednesday is also the one-year anniversary of Light Bears Library.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I will be hosting a another live on Wednesday at 3 p.m.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: Eastern time.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: So um join us then.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: It will be just, yeah, we'll see what we what we talk about and where we go.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um just talk about the library perhaps and what it's what it's meant to me and what it's may maybe meant to all of you.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but we can see.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then lastly, Sunday will be another live.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm loving the, or maybe it's gonna be Saturday.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: I have to check the calendar.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: There's something that my husband and I want to do, and I can't remember if it's this weekend, but we will be talking about books, our favorite books.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: And whether it's fiction, nonfiction, we could we'll just I think this will probably be a regular one that we have on the channel because there's I feel like there's so many books to talk about and so many topics.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I can't imagine us, you know.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um there's unlimited number of books to talk about, isn't there?
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: So that'll be really, really fun.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I invite you to join us.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: Then stay tuned on the the date and time.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm wishing you so many blessings.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being here and spending this time with me.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: I am so grateful.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: Wishing you blessings.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think I may have said that, but XXO Kate.