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Transcript

THE BATTER’S BOX - When You Realize You’re Next in the Lineup · My Sexy Menopause Body

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to my sexy menopause body.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Not just a podcast, but a movement.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Menopause isn't something to dread.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's something to own with strength, confidence, and yes, sexiness.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because menopause doesn't mean fading into the background.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: It means stepping fully into who we are.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: And now here's your host, Kim Nicholson.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get started.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: Have you ever looked around and suddenly realized the lineup in front of you is getting shorter?
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: Your grandparents are gone.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe your parents are gone or they're getting older.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: Aunts and uncles and older friends and mentors, people who seem to be always standing ahead of you.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: And then one day it hits you.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, wait a minute.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm moving up in the lineup.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm getting closer to the batter's box.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: And here's what I think is so strange about this realization: that nobody really tells you what to do with it.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: Because this isn't just a fear of dying.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, I don't think that that's the most interesting part at all.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's about realizing that you're becoming one of those people who remembers, one of those people who knows the stories, one of those people that someday someone may look to you and say, What was it like back in those days?
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: And it raises a much bigger question.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: What do I want to carry forward from the people ahead of me?
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: And why do I want the people behind me to carry?
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: Because I was here.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I want to talk to you about today.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: So at the end of this episode, I want you to give, I'm going to give you three very simple things to do with that realization.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: One, ask one question, two, preserve one thing, and three, live one value visibly.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: Because getting closer to the batter's box doesn't have to make us afraid.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it makes us pay more attention.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, it's Kim and welcome back to my sexy menopause body.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to tell you about a conversation I had with my grandfather when I was little.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I thought about doing this podcast for some time, and this story always repeated in my head that I've got to be able to tell it.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: So my grandparents had just returned from uh spending about six weeks in Norway.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember walking into their dining room and seeing my grandfather sitting at the uh end of the dining room table surrounded by old newspapers.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I asked him, I said, Grandpa, why are you reading all those old newspapers?
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: Now, let me put this in perspective.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: My grandfather was probably in his mid-maybe mid-80s at that time.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: And he said to me, I want to see which of my friends died while I was gone.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: I never forgot that.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: As a little girl, I couldn't understand it.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: Six weeks.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you go away for six weeks and you come home expecting people you know to be gone?
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: That seemed almost impossible to me.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: But the thing I understand now is that my grandfather wasn't frightened.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: He wasn't being morbid, he was being realistic.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: He had reached a point in his life where people he had known for decades were dying.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: And after being gone for just six weeks, he wanted to know who was still here.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I think about that conversation very differently now because lately I've realized something.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: That the lineup in front of me is getting shorter.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: My grandparents are gone.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: Last year I lost my dad.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: There have been aunts and uncles and friends, and this week another friend died.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I found myself thinking, you know, I I guess I'm getting closer to stepping into the batter's box.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I don't mean that in a frightening way.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: I really don't.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: I don't mean I I don't I don't think death is around the corner.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: I mean something much more subtle than that.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: For most of my life, there were generations of people standing in front of me, grandparents, parents, other relatives, other friends, and people who would live 10, 20, 30 years more than I had.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: And when you're younger, you don't really think about your position in that lineup.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: There are so many people ahead of you, right?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I used to always think.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: Then gradually there aren't.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: And one day you realize, oh, I've moved forward.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't think we talk about this very much, what that does to you.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: We talk about getting older physically, right?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: We talk about our changing hormones, our changing skin, loss of muscle, you know, preparing for retirement, you know, and health.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: But there's another kind of aging that happens.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: Your position in your family changes.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: Your position in your community changes.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: Your position in the generations changes.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: You stop being only you stop being only the person asking.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: So what happened?
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: And you start becoming that per that people ask you.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: Do you remember?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: Hey mom, do you remember this?
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: That is a very strange transition to me.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: I just think it comes with, you know, something bigger than fear.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know what it does?
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: It comes with responsibility.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I've learned this week.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: This week, the friend I lost had been one of those people who has always been ahead of me.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: She was older than I was, and I always considered her a role model.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: She had this really strong inner circle of friends.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: She introduced me to Margaret Atwood.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: She spoke French.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: She and her husband sailed their Beneteau from France to the United States.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: She loved Africa.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: She used to travel to see the mountain gorillas.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: She, and you know, another thing I remember about her, she hosted wonderful dinners.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: But you know what?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody participated.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: People chopped vegetables, we cooked together, we talked, and we helped out together.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: And she lived in one of the most beautiful places in the United States, in my opinion, and that's on Lake Witabasaki in New Hampshire.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she was a hard worker, but I would also see her sitting alone at the dock with a book and a glass of wine.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: She did have dreams and she actually lived them.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: She wasn't famous to the world.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: Some of you may know her, but I'm sure not many.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: But you know what?
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: She was important to my world.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: And the reason I'm telling you this isn't because I want this episode to be about my friend.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: I want you to think about yours.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: Who is that person you watched and thought, you know, I like the way she lives, or I like the way he or they lived.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it was your mom, maybe it was your grandma, maybe an aunt or a teacher, uh, a neighbor, a friend.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it was, like I said, a man, maybe someone whose life quietly was teaching you something along the way.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: Not because they lectured you, because she didn't, but because you watched them.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: And here's a question I have been sitting with since my friend died.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: What exactly did I admire so much about her?
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: Because it was, you know, it's easy to say when you think about her, oh, you know, and to your friends and her family.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: She was amazing.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: She was such a good person.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: I looked up to her.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: And all of those are true, but get more specific.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: What did that person show you?
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: Why was she so important to me in my life?
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: Was it loyalty or curiosity or faith?
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, was it her sense of adventure or friendship or her generosity or humor or courage?
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: She had all of those.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: Does that person in your life make people feel welcome into their world?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: Were they interested in the world?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: Did they know how to work hard and making work their entire identity?
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: Did they have dreams and actually live some of them?
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: Because this is where mortality starts doing something very interesting.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: It clarifies not necessarily what you want to accomplish, but what you want to carry forward with you.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: And that brings me back to this idea of moving forward in the lineup.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: I see myself walking up to that batter's box.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: At some point, something else happens.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: You become the keeper of knowledge.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: So as I'm walking up to that batter box, batter's box, I realize I'm probably the next in line to be the keeper of knowledge.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: That one just gets me.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you're younger, there is always somebody else who knows.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like yesterday I was pulling out old photographs that my mom had given me, you know, and I kind of was thinking, who is that person in the photograph that's sitting next to my grandmother?
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's my great-grandmother.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: Now, what was her name?
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: Or, you know, ask grandma.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: Or, you know, when my kids ask me why we make this recipe at Christmas, every single Christmas.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: Well, ask mom.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: She started the tradition, at least as far as I know.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: Or how did our family end up here in Texas?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: Well, dad knows.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: Let's go ask Dad.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: What was grandpa like when he was young?
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: Or ask Aunt So-and-so, she'll know what grandpa was like.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: But then one day, guess what?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: Those people ask you, and you realize, oh my god, I'm the one who knows.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'm the keeper now.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: Or worse, you know, but even worse than that, is saying, I don't know.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know who that person is.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: And that person who did know is now gone.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: I think almost every family has photographs like this.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: You pick one up and you say, All right, who is that?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: And everyone looks at each other because you know what?
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's sad, but nobody knows anymore.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: There was one person who knew and nobody asked.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: The answer disappeared with them.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: That to me is devastating.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: That happens also with other things besides photographs.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: It happens with uh recipes or stories or people's names.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: How about jokes?
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: My grandfather loved jokes.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: How about traditions?
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: Sharing those with your family, or why does our family always say a particular phrase?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: Or why do we speak this way?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: Why did grandpa never like broccoli?
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: Or why did grandma and grandpa leave Norway to come to the United States?
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know, what was mom like before she was my mom?
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: You know, how did dad meet his best friend?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: What happened during that year that nobody talks about?
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: You know what, those answers hopefully still live inside people.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: And until somebody else carries those answers, they may be gone.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't think I understood this until recently that eventually we all become a part of the archive.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: We become that bridge between what happened before us and the people coming after us.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: And that is different from simply getting older.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's a role.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I think this is where you know the batter batter's box metaphor becomes less about death.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's being closer to the batter's box doesn't mean standing around waiting to die.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: It means you finally understand that you have an at-bat moment, that it's your turn.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: And your turn isn't unlimited, neither was your grandfather's or your father's or your friends, or and neither is mine.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: And strangely, I don't find that depressing.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: I find it clarifying because the question changes.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's no longer um, how much time do I have?
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: Because you know what?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: None of us know.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: The better question is, is what am I doing with my turn?
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't mean, have I checked off the bucket list?
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, those are things that are that are fun, or have I visited all seven continents, or have I accomplished enough?
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: Or I mean something much closer to home is what I'm talking about.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: Are the values that I say to me actually visible in the way I live?
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: Now that's important.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: That question has been bothering me in a good way because you know what?
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: My friend, my friend's values were very visible.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: She valued friendship.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: You could see it in her circle of friends, she valued learning, you could see it in the books she read and the languages she learned.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: She valued adventure, you could see it in the life that she lived.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: She valued hospitality and hosting because people gathered in her kitchen.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: And she valued also solitude because she would just sit on the dock alone.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not a sad thing.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: That was a happy thing moment for her.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: She didn't have to tell you what mattered to her.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: You know why?
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: Because her life told you.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_01: Her life told me, and that's why I watched it.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: That is powerful.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: And it makes me ask: would someone someone know what matters to me by watching the way I live?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: Sit with that, think about that in your life.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: Would someone know what matters to you by watching the way you live?
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: Would they know that family matters or friendships or faith or health or curiosity or adventure or learning or even love?
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: Would my calendar show it?
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: Would the people closest to me feel it?
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: That feels much more important to me now than some abstract idea of legacy.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: I used to think legacy was something you leave behind after you died.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: Now I think that definition is too late.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: Legacy is already happening.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's already what people begin caring because you lived.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe because your daughter or my sons cook something the way I do.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: Very proud of that.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe your granddaughter uses one of your expressions.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe someone becomes more generous because you were generous with them.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe someone travels because you showed them the world was worth seeing.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe somebody reads Margaret Atwood because a friend once handed you one of her books.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: That's how things move, person to person, and then it goes to generation to generation, and most of the time without realizing it.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: My grandfather had no idea that a sentence he said casually at the dining room table would live in my head for decades.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: He wasn't trying to create a legacy.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_01: He was reading the newspaper, and I was watching.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: And that makes me wonder, what are people absorbing from us when we don't even know that they're watching us?
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: That's the part of getting older, I don't think anybody warns you about.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: That there are people behind you now.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: Look back in the stands, look back in the line.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_01: They're your children, your grandchildren, your nieces, your nephews, maybe even younger coworkers or younger friends.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, maybe somebody's version of the person you were what you once admired.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: You may never know what their what they feel that their legacy or what your legacy is in their eyes.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: I also want to say something about mortality itself, because I don't want to turn this into, you know, life is short, hurry up, buy those shoes.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_01: That's I don't think that's the lesson.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I certainly don't think we should walk around frightened because the lineup is getting shorter.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: My grandfather just didn't seem frightened to me.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: He simply understood where he stood in life, that there is something, and there's something, I guess, grounding about that.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: He knew his friends were dying.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: He knew that he was in his, I guess it was mid-80s.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: He didn't pretend otherwise.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: He wanted to know who remained.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe that's the part of wisdom that comes later in life.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: And you stop needing life to pretend that it goes, you can't pretend that life goes on forever because it doesn't.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe because of that, you begin seeing ordinary things differently.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that special phone call or that lunch you had with your girlfriend or a recipe you shared, or you pass down to your kids a photograph, you know, that afternoon you, you know, you spend with your mom or your dad, or sitting on a dock if you've got one, especially like Witabasaki.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: Not because every moment has to become precious and profound.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: That's not what I'm saying here.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: That would be exhausting.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: But because you finally understand that ordinary life is the life.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: Ordinary life is the life.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: The stories we're going to miss someday are often happening incredibly on normal Tuesdays.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: So, what do we do with all of this?
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think you need a 50-item legacy project.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: That's not, again, not what I'm doing here.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: I think there are three much more simpler things or things to do.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: And number one is my one takeaway for you is to ask one question.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: There are answers in your family right now that live inside somebody else.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: And some of those answers will have an expiration date.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: Who is that person in that photograph?
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: How did grandma and grandpa meet?
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: Why did our family leave Norway?
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: What was mom like before she became my mom?
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: What was dad most proud of?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: What happened during that year that you know everyone mentions but nobody explains?
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: Or who taught you that recipe?
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: Ask.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: Not someday.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: Ask why someone can still answer.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: You don't need to conduct a three-hour family history interview.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: Just start with one question because once that person who holds the answer is gone, sometimes the answer goes with them.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, the second thing I would like you to do is takeaway number two, is to preserve one thing.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: Not everything, just one.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: Write down that recipe, label that photograph, record a story, save that voice message, or write down that joke that absolutely makes no sense outside your own family.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: I've got a few of those.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: Or take a picture of a handwritten note that somebody that you cherished sent to you.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: Tell your children why you always make that particular meal at Christmas time because we tend to think memories preserve themselves, but guess what?
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_01: They don't.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: Memories need somewhere to go.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: Give one memory somewhere to go.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_01: Do it.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: And my third and last takeaway is live one value visibly.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: And this may be probably the most important one, at least to me it is.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: Think about somebody ahead of you whom you have admired.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: What was it about them?
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: Not something that, oh, she was wonderful.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: What specifically made her wonderful?
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: Was she loyal or curious or adventurous or generous or faithful?
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: Did she make people feel welcome?
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: Did she have close friendships?
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: Did she have a small inner circle of friends?
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_01: Did she know, you know, how to work hard and keep the family, you know, dinners on the table and still sit on the dock with a book?
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_01: And then ask yourself, is that value visible in my life?
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'm beginning to think that legacy isn't primarily what people say about us after we're gone.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's not.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_01: This is what I've learned.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: Legacy is what other people begin caring because we've lived day to day for all of these years.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: My friend valued friendship.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: You can see it in her circle of friends.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: She valued adventure.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: You can see it in her life.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: She valued learning.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: You can see it in the books she read and the languages that she spoke.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: She valued hospitality, and I'm getting goosebumps here, I'm gonna start to cry.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_01: You could see it around her table.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_01: Her values were visible.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_01: So pick one of them.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: If if friendship matters, call somebody.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: If hospitality matters, invite people over.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_01: If curiosity matters, keep learning.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: If your family matters, give them your time.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: If generosity matters, be generous.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: Don't just say the value matters, make them visible.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's the secret.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: So after you finish this episode, I want you to do those three three things.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: Ask that one question, preserve one thing, and live one value visibly.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: Because yes, the lineup is moving, it always has been.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: But realizing where you are in the lineup doesn't have to be so frightening.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: It can be so clarifying that there are people ahead of us whose stories and values we get to carry.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_01: And then guess what?
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: There are more people behind us who may be watching the way we live more closely than what you realize.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_01: I keep thinking about my grandfather sitting there at that dining room table with those old newspapers spread out in front of him.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: And as a little girl, I was I always thought he was talking about death.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_01: And it creeped me out.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: Now I think he was showing me something about perspective.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: He knew where he was in the lineup, and he wasn't frightened by it.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: He simply understood it.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: Who is still here, who is gone, and what has changed.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe that's one thing we eventually understand too.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I'm getting closer to the better box, and maybe you are too.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: But I don't want to spend my my turn wishing I went further back in line.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: I want to carry the things worth carrying forward.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: I want to preserve the stories worth preserving.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I want the things that I say matter to me to be actually visible in the way that I live.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: So maybe the question isn't how much time do I have?
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's what do I do with my turn?
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: Ah, sorry, I was crying.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_01: I knew it was gonna be a tough one to get through, but this is Kim, and you've been listening to my sexy menopause body, and I want you to remember your choices add up.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: Your next one still matters, so keep choosing the life you want.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: Until next time.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's a whole new beginning.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: This is your time to own your power.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: Rewrite the rules and show up unapologetically.