Latest / Age Like a Badass Mother / Ep. 92: Too Much, Too Nice, Too Old, Too Single: The Impossible Tightrope Women Walk - Live from SXSW

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Ep. 92: Too Much, Too Nice, Too Old, Too Single: The Impossible Tightrope Women Walk - Live from SXSW · Age Like a Badass Mother

• 0:00
  I'm Lauren Bernick, helping you make the rest of your life the best of your life.
• 0:05
  Welcome to age like a badass mother.
• 0:10
  Okay, well, hello.
• 0:12
  Welcome to our first live, podcast of the age Like a Badass Mother podcast.
• 0:18
  And, welcome.
• 0:20
  We're here in Austin during South by Southwest.
• 0:23
  We have a wonderful panel today.
• 0:25
  First, I want to thank Doctor Nikki Sasso.
• 0:28
  We are here filming live at Conscious Kitchen.
• 0:32
  It's right outside of downtown.
• 0:35
  If you're here by for South by Southwest pop.
• 0:38
  And by if you want a healthy meal.
• 0:40
  Everything's vegan, organic, And free.
• 0:43
  Gluten free. Raw.
• 0:46
  But don't let that stop you if you don't like that kind of food.
• 0:49
  It's just give it a try.
• 0:51
  So come to Conscious Kitchen.
• 0:54
  I want to thank, Vanessa, the producer of The Age like About Us and podcast in 2010.
• 1:01
  I was having technical difficulties.
• 1:04
  Are we still alive? Yeah.
• 1:06
  We're getting here with us as we, you know, the tech gods shine down upon us.
• 1:11
  But, yeah, thank you for, to Vanessa from Rome Horizon Productions.
• 1:16
  Let me introduce our panel.
• 1:18
  First, I have my best friend from the time I was 15 years old, Laura Johansen.
• 1:24
  She's the founder of Talk Like a Boss.
• 1:26
  She health professionals communicate more effectively at work, whether they're speaking, leading, collaborating.
• 1:33
  She believes that work should be smart, strategic, and a little bit of fun.
• 1:37
  She's a lot of fun.
• 1:38
  Next we have Sally Motueka, my next door neighbor.
• 1:42
  Sally is a dermatology physician associate at Westlake Dermatology at the Far West location.
• 1:49
  She has over 15 years of experience in esthetic medicine.
• 1:53
  She wants you to look and feel your best with balanced and natural results.
• 1:57
  And then finally, Doctor Nikki Sasso, so to say.
• 2:00
  Right. So, so, Nikki has a master's in sustainability from Harvard and a PhD in holistic health and nutrition.
• 2:09
  So she's no lazy blood clot.
• 2:11
  She's the owner of Conscious Kitchen.
• 2:13
  Also, in case she has nothing else to do.
• 2:16
  She guides people in detoxifying their homes, their bodies and their minds.
• 2:21
  And she also hosts the podcast Conscious Kitchen Radio.
• 2:25
  Okay, so I don't know that this you know, I wanted to do this panel around this idea started a few months ago that we were going to do vanity is it self preservation or is it just superficial?
• 2:41
  I kind of touched on this topic with my friend Maggie.
• 2:45
  But then with all that's going on in the news right now and kind of having this moment of finding out, okay, we were like, why are we so obsessed with our looks?
• 2:57
  That was going to be the main thing.
• 2:59
  Why is this conditioned into us?
• 3:01
  But then as this is all evolving and unfolding, I'm thinking to myself, this is more insidious.
• 3:07
  This is a little bit more.
• 3:10
  Contrived.
• 3:11
  And so I feel like these thoughts are coming at us.
• 3:14
  Maybe they were made by, you know, pedophiles, even these beauty standards that we're trying to uphold that we can never a cold.
• 3:25
  What what do you think?
• 3:27
  What's your take on it?
• 3:28
  Well, first of all, can I, before we jump into this one?
• 3:32
  Actually, I want to talk to each of you.
• 3:35
  Okay, so that's the idea, and that's what we're going to talk about.
• 3:37
  And the name of the podcast today is too much, too nice, too old to single the impossible tightrope that women walk, right.
• 3:46
  But before we get into that a little bit, I just want to have, like, a personal moment.
• 3:50
  Okay, so pickle, I.
• 3:52
  Her name is Laura.
• 3:52
  I call her pickle. First tell.
• 3:55
  Tell the story of how we met and why I call you pickle.
• 3:57
  So we met in 10th grade. Geometry.
• 4:00
  And Lauren was.
• 4:02
  We were having a test, and I felt something hitting my arm.
• 4:09
  What did you say?
• 4:11
  Move your arm, girl.
• 4:11
  I can't see your paper.
• 4:13
  Yeah. Geometry.
• 4:16
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 4:17
  Okay. And. Yeah. That's all. Yeah.
• 4:20
  And so the rest.
• 4:21
  I helped Lauren with geometry, and, I was new to.
• 4:25
  But I hadn't gone to school with everybody before high school.
• 4:28
  I went to a private school.
• 4:30
  So a little Catholic schoolgirl.
• 4:32
  And was very quiet and shy back then.
• 4:34
  And what did you get out of me?
• 4:35
  What did I teach you that. I should talk about on your book?
• 4:40
  I had a smile.
• 4:42
  Oh, no.
• 4:44
  Oh, my God, I tell you all the bad things.
• 4:46
  I yeah, I was a bad influence. And why?
• 4:49
  Why do I call you pickle?
• 4:51
  So, my middle name is pickle.
• 4:53
  And in high school and everywhere else, I was Laura Pickle on the first day of school.
• 4:58
  Right? So I just. Yeah. It's stuff. Yeah.
• 5:01
  So I'll interchangeably call it more pickle.
• 5:03
  Okay.
• 5:04
  Sally, my next door neighbor.
• 5:06
  I got so lucky.
• 5:08
  Oh my gosh.
• 5:09
  So, Sally. What?
• 5:10
  Tell us, just, like, a tiny bit about your self.
• 5:13
  Like, you know, where where did you grow up?
• 5:16
  What?
• 5:17
  How old are.
• 5:18
  Okay, here's the cool thing also.
• 5:20
  Sally's 37, Nikki's 47 and we're 57.
• 5:24
  We have the same birthday, by the way.
• 5:26
  Okay. So we have like, oh yeah.
• 5:28
  So we have, you know, different different age groups.
• 5:32
  Okay. So so I.
• 5:34
  Grew up in Michigan and I've been in Texas now nine years in my ninth year, but I got into medicine in 2010, so I worked as an obstetrician at kind of a laser hair removal medicine place in the beginning.
• 5:50
  And then I worked with a nurse practitioner who was like, Sally, you're a great institution, but you're meant for more like I think you should, you know, look into being a PA.
• 5:58
  Oh, and so was her who actually a.
• 6:00
  Beautiful woman lifting you up.
• 6:03
  Yeah.
• 6:04
  So I was kind of this whole progression of my career to her, you know?
• 6:10
  And that's something that we want to get more into about women lifting each other up.
• 6:15
  All right. And you, ma'am, I've been, an explorer my whole life.
• 6:20
  I've been to 65 countries.
• 6:23
  I've moved almost every year and a half of my entire life.
• 6:26
  This is the first place.
• 6:27
  Austin is the first place that's kept me, because I love so many people in this town, I can't physically wait.
• 6:32
  Town is on it. Yeah.
• 6:34
  So it's just.
• 6:35
  That's my mentality.
• 6:36
  My my driving virtue is, exploration.
• 6:39
  Whether it's my subconscious behavior and the patterns that I'm operating under or just exploring this world and my inner and outer worlds.
• 6:47
  So always been where I want to play and explore.
• 6:50
  And you were just talking about your mom being, or the age child.
• 6:56
  Okay.
• 6:56
  Say the, trauma was passed down unknowingly.
• 6:59
  She couldn't have loved me more.
• 6:59
  She did a phenomenal job.
• 7:02
  She studied. She did.
• 7:04
  She really did her best to raise me in a different way than she was raised.
• 7:08
  But still, there was trauma in her body.
• 7:09
  And it came out in in moments of outrage and bursts of explosions, like a little nervous system to know how to handle.
• 7:18
  And then took it all personally. Yes.
• 7:20
  We all I'm sorry.
• 7:22
  I well, I know I did that to my kids too.
• 7:24
  And my mom, I mean, you know, you do the best you can.
• 7:26
  Okay, so back to this question of what is happening in the world today as we find out that, you know, these rich, powerful, probably white men are not only abusing young women, but I feel like making these esthetic standards that we can't possibly compete with.
• 7:52
  But what you know, and I think it's more insidious.
• 7:54
  Vanessa, our producer who's off stage, thinks she just feels like this moment is about women thought that, you know, we've achieved equality.
• 8:05
  Maybe.
• 8:06
  Maybe not in pain, but in other areas.
• 8:08
  But but we haven't.
• 8:10
  That's what she thinks this moment about.
• 8:11
  What do you think this moment now, Laura?
• 8:14
  Well, I agree, I mean, I hadn't heard Vanessa's perspective before, but I was thinking about, you know, like everything that's going on in the world of voting right now. Yeah.
• 8:24
  And how, biased that will be towards married women, especially married women without passports.
• 8:31
  Well, say what it is in case people don't know what's going on with voting.
• 8:35
  It's the Save act, and it's in our federal, legislature right now.
• 8:40
  And I couldn't tell you the exact details, but I believe what they're trying.
• 8:45
  But the law is trying to do is, I think your Mary.
• 8:50
  Your name, has to match your.
• 8:51
  Birth certificate, so you have to prove citizenship.
• 8:54
  So it's about proving citizenship.
• 8:54
  Well, I.
• 8:57
  Just heard of it.
• 8:58
  Okay. And, so you're.
• 9:01
  If you're right, like my, I think my driver's license actually has my middle name on it.
• 9:06
  Well, so we'll see what they think about that.
• 9:08
  If that's your. Mall or your. I.
• 9:10
  I changed my middle name to my maiden name.
• 9:12
  Okay. So. Oh, I did too.
• 9:15
  So my driver's license does have pickle on it.
• 9:18
  Okay. But, the idea is that you have to have valid ID with your name. Okay?
• 9:26
  They prove you're a citizen. Okay?
• 9:28
  So if you don't have a passport and you got married and you changed your name, your birth certificate doesn't have your current name.
• 9:35
  And who do you think that favors?
• 9:38
  You think it favors non married women?
• 9:40
  I think it I don't know that it favors anybody, but I think it's going to make it harder for people to register.
• 9:46
  Okay. And and disproportionately. Women.
• 9:49
  Women because you know men's driver's license matches their birth certificate.
• 9:54
  They don't change their name.
• 9:56
  Okay.
• 9:56
  What do you think this moment's about?
• 10:00
  You know, I think it's a moment that we're all trying to navigate and figure out.
• 10:06
  Exactly.
• 10:07
  You know, where the boundaries are, because I feel like, especially in my work in esthetics, you know, a lot of what I do is making people look and feel their best.
• 10:17
  But it's that fine line of you know, when is it too far?
• 10:23
  When is it trying to fit into these molds that other people are trying to put us in, and when is it just kind of us becoming the best versions of ourselves?
• 10:31
  So I think it's a really fine line and in a kind of defining moment for women, especially to kind of figure out, yeah, you know, what that looks like.
• 10:41
  And, you know, you told me something earlier that so you're 37 and I feel like you it's really odd because we're older and I feel like you feel more pressure about your looks than we do, which is a little surprising because you would think as you age, maybe you're like, oh, I got to keep up or, and and trust me, I think we do feel that.
• 11:02
  But to me of what?
• 11:03
  That, you know, you've kind of been raised with this talk about that a little.
• 11:09
  And so I was born in the late is and so, you know, we didn't have the internet, we didn't have social media, we didn't have a lot of that until around middle school.
• 11:18
  And then it was just kind of in your face.
• 11:21
  And so I went from just seeing something rarely in a magazine where you're like, magazines are airbrushed.
• 11:28
  They have stylists.
• 11:28
  It was very easy to see and then when, you know, cameras came out and selfies and social media and editing, it was kind of shoved down your throat when you're developing.
• 11:38
  And so, you know, especially those impressionable minds, it was always, you know, I'm not skinny enough.
• 11:45
  I'm not tall enough.
• 11:46
  I'm, you know, that you had curly hair, you want a straight hair and vice versa.
• 11:50
  And so it was just kind of thrown in your face after having this amazing child who listened, you know, being completely unaware to now it just being in your face every single day.
• 12:01
  So I can't even imagine, you know, even the younger generations that, you know, from the day they're born, they're, they have tablets and screens that it's in their face 24 seven.
• 12:10
  So I think it's harder, almost the younger you are, because it's everywhere.
• 12:15
  And you think that people are getting, procedures younger and younger, right.
• 12:22
  Like how old?
• 12:24
  I mean, I've had parents bring in their 16 year olds asking for cosmetic treatments to be.
• 12:31
  Can you believe this?
• 12:32
  And I think.
• 12:33
  Even preventative at 24 years old. Right.
• 12:36
  You're like, what's no minute you stop Botox, you're going to get wrinkles.
• 12:41
  Yeah.
• 12:41
  There's no preventative with it. Yeah.
• 12:43
  And it's just.
• 12:44
  It's it's one of those situations that's so tough to handle because obviously this parent is probably bringing in this child, you know, because they're struggling, you know, with X, Y or Z and they're just wanting them to feel better.
• 12:59
  But it's not the way that you want to build confidence in a child.
• 13:04
  It is like confirming that there's something wrong with them that's perfect.
• 13:09
  Right?
• 13:09
  But I think I don't know if y'all felt this way, but when I was 16, I thought, you know, I was ugly and fat.
• 13:15
  Oh, it looks like the first.
• 13:17
  You were perfect. Perfect.
• 13:19
  Literally perfect.
• 13:21
  And, And we still are. Yeah.
• 13:24
  So it's easy to just, you know, get blindsided by that and get caught up in it all to.
• 13:30
  Get it right.
• 13:31
  And what do you think this moment is about?
• 13:33
  Oh, yeah, it's for me.
• 13:35
  It's shifting from external validation to internal, but I don't think it only comes from the men.
• 13:40
  I had my best friends that.
• 13:41
  Are you letting yourself go?
• 13:43
  That's what I want to talk about.
• 13:45
  That I feel like women are enforcing these things on other women.
• 13:49
  Yeah, but where does that come from?
• 13:51
  Yeah, that's.
• 13:53
  I mean, I'm trying to get to the meat on the bones, and I think that comes from is a message.
• 13:59
  You think it comes from men.
• 14:00
  Okay. But go ahead tell.
• 14:00
  It could come from men.
• 14:02
  There's a much larger percentage of population just in general.
• 14:06
  You have a lot more people.
• 14:07
  And then now you have Bumble and all these apps that there's an endless supply of women.
• 14:13
  Yeah.
• 14:13
  So now the competition is that much higher because you discarded all there's like 21.
• 14:17
  They're waiting. Yeah. Like, why do you think your friends said that to you?
• 14:25
  Because she's she's still connected to having no wrinkles and and looking, ten years younger.
• 14:32
  And that's her validation comes from, looking the part.
• 14:38
  And, it's it's fascinating when you're in it.
• 14:42
  It makes perfect sense.
• 14:44
  When I was in it, I advocated it.
• 14:46
  Well, and then it was only when I actually ran out of money I had to literally hit rock bottom.
• 14:52
  I didn't have money for Botox, all the eyelashes.
• 14:54
  And I stopped. Both.
• 14:55
  And it's scary because you go way past.
• 14:58
  I look 20 years older, so I aged like a decade in six months.
• 15:04
  That's not true.
• 15:05
  No, I kid you not.
• 15:06
  I went I was 45 at the time.
• 15:08
  I went from 35 looking 30, 35 to 45.
• 15:13
  And when you stop Botox, you look worse because your muscles have to, like, come back.
• 15:17
  And so in that phase, you're actually you're you look even older.
• 15:21
  And so I had to internally make the shift from seeking external validation, because I was always the prettiest girl that walks in the room like I got very accustomed.
• 15:31
  I didn't even know it's subconscious to like, no, no, I am my my beauty is from the inside.
• 15:38
  It's who I am.
• 15:38
  And I have to, like, shift the dependency from external and internal.
• 15:42
  You know, this is very interesting.
• 15:45
  So we have spent the week at South by Southwest.
• 15:49
  We've been seeing all kinds of panels, and there was this keynote speaker, Jennifer B Wallace.
• 15:54
  She wrote a book about mattering, and it was really good.
• 15:57
  But one of the things she talked about was this idea that, the happiest people have, you know, intrinsic values at, like, you know, they're happy because they're good people, they're empathetic, they're generous, they're kind.
• 16:16
  Right.
• 16:16
  And the most unhappy people are seeking external validation because that's internal power.
• 16:22
  Nobody can take that from you.
• 16:22
  Right? Right.
• 16:25
  When you're seeking external, that's giving all your power away to someone else and they're going to validate you, are not you.
• 16:31
  It's the most disempowering they could possibly do.
• 16:33
  It is the most disempowered.
• 16:34
  And that brings us to being feeling judged.
• 16:37
  And, you know, I try to I'm sure we all do have that.
• 16:42
  And, you know, the intrinsic values and so forth.
• 16:45
  And so I try to block out the noise.
• 16:47
  But yes, there's things you feel judged about.
• 16:49
  What do you feel judged about your life choices.
• 16:53
  Of not having children?
• 16:54
  Wait, none of you have children, right? Nope.
• 16:56
  No children. Okay. I'm the only one with children.
• 16:59
  Okay. Let's talk about that.
• 17:01
  Like what does the world say to you?
• 17:03
  Okay, even I've said to.
• 17:04
  But as I said, and there was definitely a point when I was having kids, and I'm like, what?
• 17:08
  Are you okay? Tell that right now.
• 17:12
  When we were talking about the podcast, I reminded Lauren that, when I was Sally's age, when I was in my late 30s or 37, sorry, mid 30s, my people were, you know, my reproductive decisions, health.
• 17:27
  It was like fair game at a party, I walked into a, women.
• 17:36
  We went to a co-worker's party.
• 17:38
  This isn't the story about Lauren, but this woman hounded me.
• 17:42
  There was, you know, the big discussion about why we didn't have children.
• 17:44
  And then she found me later at the party after I had escaped her the first time to, you know, really say that I was making a bad decision.
• 17:52
  But, Lauren was never that.
• 17:54
  You know, Lauren, you wanted me to have children so.
• 17:57
  We could have children. Together. And Mark and I were.
• 18:00
  Lauren was still living in Houston.
• 18:02
  What's wrong with that?
• 18:04
  We were in Houston visiting for the holidays, and it was one of those years when Hanukkah and Christmas overlap.
• 18:11
  And we celebrate both because I'm Jewish and Andy's Catholic.
• 18:13
  Okay, so we were over at Lauren's house and the girls were really little.
• 18:17
  Alison was two, and we were just, you know, having a glass of wine or probably beer back then.
• 18:23
  And it was catching up.
• 18:25
  And the girls, Alison realized they hadn't had a Hanukkah present.
• 18:29
  Or Jane, probably Jane, probably Jane.
• 18:31
  She was probably three and Ali was two.
• 18:33
  Lauren, like.
• 18:34
  Commented that she kind of hoped they wouldn't remember because they were just they had so many presents for so many days.
• 18:40
  So Lauren went and rap like you should.
• 18:42
  I because the Chutes and Ladders game.
• 18:44
  Who knows? Probably.
• 18:46
  And Alison opens it.
• 18:48
  And the next thing I know, Alison is laying in their hallway, face down on the ground, banging her hands and feet on the floor like a proper to proper temper tantrum, screaming.
• 18:59
  I don't like my Hanukkah present.
• 19:01
  And I just looked at Lauren and said, oh yeah, I gotta get me one of this as well.
• 19:07
  As I tried to keep this around.
• 19:08
  Children. Yes. Alison. Thanks, Alison.
• 19:12
  It was great.
• 19:14
  Yeah.
• 19:14
  So, I mean, what have you been pressured to absolutely.
• 19:18
  Like my mother to for like the last probably.
• 19:22
  Oh, yeah. Years. Just. Christine. Yes.
• 19:25
  I have one brother and they aren't able to have kids.
• 19:30
  And so it's just him and I, and my mother has just wanted to be a grandmother for a very long time.
• 19:35
  So, you know, it was it was like, when are you having kids?
• 19:37
  Like, anytime I got in a new relationship, you know, I was dating someone for six months prior to getting married and having babies.
• 19:42
  Once it's happening.
• 19:44
  And I get asked this every day to my patients, you know, what?
• 19:48
  Are you having kids when you, When you say.
• 19:52
  You know, I've always I've kind of been on the fence, like personally about, you know, having kids.
• 19:59
  And I'm open to it and I so I have more time.
• 20:02
  But there is I think there's, you know, pressure too on women that we have this biological clock, you know, running out at 35 years old, your geriatric. Yes.
• 20:11
  And that's just so disheartening and, you know, frustrating to hear.
• 20:16
  So you do.
• 20:17
  So for a long time leading up to 35, I kind of felt this pressure.
• 20:21
  I just need to have a kid.
• 20:22
  But I was never had a point in my life where I was ready to have a kid.
• 20:26
  I spent my entire 20s in school, so I just started my career in my 30s.
• 20:31
  Right.
• 20:31
  And so in that building phase, I want to travel.
• 20:34
  I want to experience life, you know?
• 20:36
  So maybe kids are in my future, but it's not something that I feel so much pressure anymore.
• 20:42
  I'm trying to, you know, push that away and just, you know, kids will have on my time.
• 20:47
  I said, if I want that to come.
• 20:48
  But definitely something I get asked, at least on a weekly basis.
• 20:52
  I probably daily at work.
• 20:54
  Oh my gosh, that's a what about you?
• 20:57
  Wow. Yeah.
• 20:57
  My mother laid on the guilt over that.
• 21:01
  She wanted some grandbabies.
• 21:02
  Yeah, she has.
• 21:03
  I literally said I have robbed her of the greatest joy of her life.
• 21:08
  But my mom's not super thrilled about the whole thing either.
• 21:11
  Like, yeah, no, if she slathered and on, you know, fear.
• 21:15
  Well, Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah.
• 21:18
  And do you did your friends do that to you also or.
• 21:22
  No, my friends get it.
• 21:22
  They know I'm a free spirit.
• 21:24
  And the opposite, they kind of look at my life and they're like, yeah, okay, that makes sense.
• 21:29
  Yeah. What? Freedom.
• 21:30
  You know, I mean, what what area do you think other women okay besides looks or you've let yourself what do you feel like has been an area of judgment that you feel is like open for discussion for you?
• 21:46
  Oh, I don't know, like my inner circle is not judgy.
• 21:50
  You're smart.
• 21:52
  Yeah. You know, surrounded yourself with good people.
• 21:55
  That's like, I think an important thing is, like, you surround yourself with, you know?
• 22:00
  And I feel like that's, for me, that's also, I feel like not judged because of the people I surround myself with.
• 22:09
  I think that that's smart to do.
• 22:11
  What do you think would happen?
• 22:16
  How do we stop judging each other?
• 22:19
  How do we stop judging each other as women?
• 22:25
  I think you just have to sort of, you know, it's probably second nature to a lot of us and, you know, just kind of catch yourself and remind yourself, oh, wait, I'm being judgy.
• 22:37
  I shouldn't.
• 22:39
  Yeah, we did that.
• 22:41
  We were at, when we were at South By.
• 22:44
  We were in this one was an innovation house, and it was a place you could go, and you could have a coffee or a glass of wine and catch up on your work or, you know, relax.
• 22:53
  And then they had speakers in the background, and there was this lady and she was not giving her best speech.
• 22:59
  We were being judgy.
• 23:01
  I don't even know how to say this in a nice way.
• 23:03
  She just kept saying, you know, what she was going to say?
• 23:06
  And we started talking about how we used to have a in in 11th grade coach.
• 23:12
  We won't name them.
• 23:13
  He was our history teacher and we put down tick marks every time he said, because he just couldn't collect a thought and she was reminding us of him.
• 23:22
  But then I said, okay, wait a minute, what are we doing?
• 23:24
  And we started sending her good vibes.
• 23:26
  Come on. Well, come on girl, I know you can do this.
• 23:29
  Collect your thoughts. You're okay.
• 23:31
  You know we believe in you.
• 23:32
  And so we did catch ourselves, right? Right. Yeah.
• 23:35
  We need.
• 23:35
  That's what we need. More of.
• 23:37
  We need to boo each other up.
• 23:39
  Yeah.
• 23:39
  What I've recently learned is what you judging others? You.
• 23:42
  You actually secretly judge by yourself.
• 23:44
  Of course, it's something that you don't like about yourself. Yes.
• 23:48
  And so now it's a it's an easy catch, right?
• 23:52
  If I'm judging someone like, oh, okay, there's something I need to explore. Yes.
• 23:56
  You see and that is true because I'm very aware of that.
• 24:00
  I say, all the time on the podcast, you know.
• 24:03
  And so you're absolutely right.
• 24:05
  We're I'm judging that because it's something I don't like in myself, you know, or something I need to or an area of improvement.
• 24:12
  Yeah, yeah.
• 24:13
  No, no.
• 24:14
  Well, and to be fair, I coach public speakers for a living.
• 24:17
  So it was an opportunity to tell you that when I'm teaching presentation skills, if people are saying, a lot once I start feeling the urge and I'm reminded of high school to make ticky marks, I think they're saying I'm too much.
• 24:32
  And that's just feedback in a coaching setting. Yes.
• 24:35
  So it's an opportunity to tell you this story that this thing from high school I still use in my career, you know.
• 24:40
  With. So now it's totally set.
• 24:42
  What would we want to talk about if we weren't wasting so much frickin time worrying about our looks, worrying about being judged?
• 24:53
  What would be something important that we want to, you know, a substantive topic like, well, what do you think?
• 25:00
  What would you want to talk about?
• 25:03
  Do you have something in mind?
• 25:05
  Well, how we can support one another, I mean, a lot of women's networking groups.
• 25:12
  It's funny that those groups often have the goal of empowering one another, and sometimes the group functions in a way that's not empowering.
• 25:23
  What do you mean by that?
• 25:24
  Like, like the board of the group has to approve all decisions.
• 25:32
  Okay.
• 25:33
  Have they, you know, like, I'm in a group that plans a conference and sometimes the committees don't have full.
• 25:41
  Like they make a recommendation, but the board has the final say, which is sort of the opposite of empowering women. Yeah.
• 25:51
  What would you want to talk about?
• 25:53
  What do you think.
• 25:54
  The things my friend groups have really been talking about that have kind of gotten to get away from that?
• 26:00
  You know, we like to talk about like, the future finances.
• 26:04
  I, I read something the other day, and I think I shared it with you that I think the average, you know, career pivot for women is 39.
• 26:12
  The average entrepreneur is, you know, 42.
• 26:16
  The average, you know, female millionaire is 49.
• 26:20
  And I think we spent so much of our teens, 20s and even 30s just talking about all of this fluff and the stuff that doesn't matter that we're not having those conversations with our friends, with other women that are helping progress our careers, that are helping kind of, you know, change the trajectory of our lives and talk about those things that, you know, when you sit in a room with a bunch of guys, that's what they're kind of talking about.
• 26:44
  They're talking about one of those sports and, you know, women, but, you know, they do.
• 26:48
  They talk about money, they talk about their careers.
• 26:50
  And there's so many younger, you know, male entrepreneurs.
• 26:54
  Yeah.
• 26:55
  But is it because we're just talking about all of this other stuff instead?
• 27:00
  And yeah, I think about it until later in life when we stop caring what other people think.
• 27:04
  And you know what that so.
• 27:06
  That's that is what I feel that this conversation is about the loss of what would we be talking about if we weren't.
• 27:17
  So, you know, Sideswipe, I don't even know what the word is.
• 27:21
  We weren't so sidetracked with worrying about our looks and worrying about being judged.
• 27:26
  What would we be talking about?
• 27:28
  And that's the the the future.
• 27:31
  Is that kind of the age group?
• 27:32
  When you made a, career pivot and all that, what you pivot was in the last two years, okay, was starting Conscious Kitchen, and was really starting to make the connection between people's health and all these products that we're using to be more beautiful and how they're so toxic.
• 27:49
  Talk about that.
• 27:50
  Yeah.
• 27:51
  It's a fascinating that they're the mascara and the foundation and the lotions or anything you put on your skin goes into your bloodstream within 26 seconds.
• 28:01
  So, and these things are hormone disrupting.
• 28:03
  They, we spray perfume.
• 28:05
  Fragrances are super toxic.
• 28:07
  We spread the right on our thyroid, the thinnest skin you got.
• 28:11
  It goes right in.
• 28:12
  And so women are having all these imbalances and they're fatigued, gaining weight, and they have brain fog and have all these reproductive concerns.
• 28:20
  Because we're lathering ourselves with the average of 160 chemicals on her body before she leaves the house. Wow.
• 28:28
  First thing in the morning here.
• 28:30
  And so, of course, then cancerous cells build up because the body's so busy detoxing from all these toxic chemicals that tumor cells are able to multiply.
• 28:40
  We all have cancerous cells. Sure.
• 28:42
  But the body's designed to take them out.
• 28:45
  But it has all these systems.
• 28:47
  So, like, DNA mutates, right?
• 28:50
  For 100 trillion cells or so.
• 28:53
  Some of the music, and they replicate.
• 28:56
  But the body knows that they cluster them.
• 28:58
  But the body so focused on toxicity, right.
• 29:01
  Those things replicate.
• 29:03
  And so as soon as you remove the toxins, the body's the job of removing the cancer.
• 29:06
  But we're not taught that.
• 29:09
  We're taught it's genetic. We're talking it. We're taught it's aging.
• 29:11
  We're not taught it's oh, we're lathering ourselves and we're eating foods that are loaded with chemicals.
• 29:16
  And then we're having all these toxic thoughts about how I'm not good enough because I'm not lovable.
• 29:20
  If I'm not frozen.
• 29:23
  Okay, so what's the solution?
• 29:26
  What kind of things can we do to detox the body?
• 29:30
  Yeah, you go through a cleanse and then you clean out all the product, the products and the low hanging fruit.
• 29:35
  Yeah, but you have in your home, you can control.
• 29:36
  You can't maybe control the air outside, but you certainly can control the air quality in your house.
• 29:41
  You can control what your lathering on your head.
• 29:44
  Right when your pores are super open because you're in this hot, steamy shower, you got to know what's in your shampoo.
• 29:49
  What are the things that we should look for?
• 29:51
  That shouldn't be, the parabens, the fragrances.
• 29:55
  Those are the two main.
• 29:57
  The phthalates, the, the BPA is like another thing.
• 30:02
  Coffee.
• 30:03
  For example, most people get their coffee at a coffee shop that doesn't filter the water.
• 30:07
  If you've looked on the EWG website, I.
• 30:11
  Yeah, that has the dirty dozen in the clean 15.
• 30:14
  It's mind blowing what's in our water?
• 30:16
  And 14 most of them are cancer causing chemicals used to clean the water.
• 30:23
  Wow. Right.
• 30:24
  And so that's going into your coffee cup.
• 30:26
  And then they're putting it in, plastic BPA lines, paper cups.
• 30:30
  Yeah.
• 30:31
  So you've got an acidic drink, hot acidic drink leaching plastic filled with toxic water I that's why she gave us that glass.
• 30:39
  Moldy coffee.
• 30:40
  Moldy coffee that she gave us.
• 30:42
  Glass.
• 30:44
  So you think give us my gosh it's these little things all day long.
• 30:49
  And so my, my dream is that we start to release knowledge that each thing that we do each throughout the day I can, we can we think about how it's going to impact the environment and our bodies and really have that level of awareness and start reading ingredients.
• 31:03
  That's what you got to do.
• 31:03
  You have, if it's going in your mouth, you better know what's in it.
• 31:07
  You can't pronounce it 100%.
• 31:10
  Don't you like come out of the ground?
• 31:12
  This is going to be a natural thing versus natural flavors. Oh no. Natural.
• 31:19
  If it was natural, it would say blueberries, right?
• 31:23
  Right. Yes.
• 31:24
  So we were being fooled as well.
• 31:27
  I mean, it's not all our fault if we're old.
• 31:30
  It's healthy, it's all natural.
• 31:31
  And you won't believe these things, but you can.
• 31:35
  And then into age, naturally, I keep I'm just trying to bring about like that because this is such good something so good to think about.
• 31:44
  But like, you know, as I battle with myself, do I age naturally?
• 31:49
  Do I do stuff to my face?
• 31:51
  It's so hard in going back to South by Southwest.
• 31:54
  I was watching this with the top the other day and her face.
• 31:58
  I know she was at least my age and it was so, you know, she was doing Botox and fillers and I was like, that's what people want to see when they're looking at somebody on stage.
• 32:07
  And you know, I'm going to get up on stage with my natural face and that weight on me.
• 32:11
  And then the next day we saw Jamie Lee Curtis, who we know is like, gorgeous and hasn't done one damn thing to herself.
• 32:20
  And I'm like, that's beautiful.
• 32:22
  That's what people want to, you know, it's like the angel and the devil and you know, I'm like, that's that's who I want to be.
• 32:29
  Yet knowing I'll probably end up in Sally's chair, like doing sculpture or something, you know, I don't know, like this is internal thing.
• 32:37
  And what are you thinking, like, as you're hearing about all the toxins and the things like, is that are you having thoughts about that?
• 32:45
  Because I know you have pressure.
• 32:47
  Just the industry you work in, don't you have like you feel like you have to look perfect, right.
• 32:54
  And I think, And you do, by the way, I.
• 32:58
  See, there's definitely when you work in the industry, I do feel like there is an extra pressure, you know, you know, there's young girls that start to work at our company in their early 20s.
• 33:09
  Then, you know, six months later, they'll come by again and I'm like, wait, who are you?
• 33:14
  You know, they have you know, they've had a nose job.
• 33:16
  They've had, you know, a dog has, you know, had Botox and filler.
• 33:21
  And I think there is definitely that pressure.
• 33:23
  So I've always tried to find that delicate balance like I do Botox.
• 33:27
  I do, you know, sculpture, I do lasers and peels.
• 33:31
  I, you know, kind of do it all.
• 33:33
  But I always try to preserve what I look like and that's what I try to do with my patients as well.
• 33:38
  We're not trying to make you look like somebody else because there is, you know, trends out there that everyone starts just looking the same.
• 33:46
  And I think that's the exact opposite of what esthetic medicine is supposed to be.
• 33:51
  I think, you know, there is something to say that we want to each gracefully.
• 33:55
  And I think, you know, there's many different opinions on what that looks like.
• 33:58
  And we all have our comfort levels.
• 34:00
  You know, some of us have done things and have decided not to.
• 34:03
  And, you know, I think that's totally valid and fair.
• 34:06
  And, you know, then there are some of us who, you know, maybe did a lot and have kind of like changed and modified, you know, what we've done.
• 34:14
  But it's, you know, the goal is to do it for yourself, right.
• 34:19
  And have, you know, that kind of like, I want I look better, I feel better, I perform better, you know, I feel.
• 34:26
  More confident because I.
• 34:28
  Have this little thing. Right?
• 34:30
  And if that is where that stems from, I think that's beautiful.
• 34:33
  But it's like, if my partner or my friend or, you know, this x, y, z person, I'm doing it because I want to fit this mold or I want this for sure, I want this like, that's where it becomes toxic.
• 34:46
  And I think there's like, you know, mental toxicity.
• 34:50
  I mean, that that can disrupt a lot in your body as well.
• 34:54
  So I think it just it depends upon what your thoughts are on it and kind of how it changes you.
• 35:01
  Yeah.
• 35:01
  And you know, we we also have to again bring it back to not judging what other people do.
• 35:07
  But what do you feel about when you're hearing Nikki talk about the toxicity of it?
• 35:12
  Does that is that something you've considered or.
• 35:16
  So that's not something that I'm worried about personally.
• 35:21
  I know there's kind of been two sides of that spectrum there.
• 35:27
  So like, I very much agree, like perfumes and that kind of thing.
• 35:31
  You know, all the time in my medical patients.
• 35:34
  So I have a lot of patients come in with contact dermatitis and just irritants to different things.
• 35:40
  I have patients, you know, that are trying to do this 20 step skincare routine and they're, you know, face is breaking out and, you know, Rashi and X, y, z.
• 35:51
  And there is a lot of pressure to put so much on your face.
• 35:55
  And there's definitely something that, you know, I really think that you have to kind of pick and choose wisely.
• 36:05
  Political standpoint, I think we have difference of opinions on toxic versus, you know, okay. And it's a great conversation.
• 36:15
  And I think something that it is worthwhile to dive in a little bit deeper.
• 36:19
  I'd love to have that conversation. Okay.
• 36:23
  And I think bringing it back to like what I would want to talk about if I wasn't talking about what I just call Italian when I go dogs and and sorry, I don't think about that.
• 36:34
  But what I think I would want to talk about is, I'm the opposite of you guys that I had kids early.
• 36:42
  I had my first kid at 24.
• 36:44
  I had two by the time I was 25.
• 36:48
  Then I thought I was 31.
• 36:50
  So I have spent my entire adult life having kids, and I love this phase of my life. Now.
• 36:56
  Obviously I love my kids, blah blah, all that.
• 36:59
  They know that.
• 37:00
  But if this is the first time in my life, in my 50s, that my life has been about me and getting to this is what I want to do and what my day will be like, you know, I'm not cleaning up everybody's vomit in juice and you know, where's your shoes?
• 37:16
  And just trying to live, just trying to make it through the day.
• 37:20
  You know, it's that.
• 37:21
  And I love this, you know, phase in my life where I get to have conversations and I get to explore what I want to do.
• 37:29
  And, you know, starting this podcast has been so exciting for me, just getting to talk to all these people.
• 37:36
  So you know, that's kind of how I feel about that.
• 37:39
  You have a podcast.
• 37:40
  What what do you love about that?
• 37:42
  I love shining a light on other people's greatness.
• 37:45
  That's my pure, pure bliss for me.
• 37:49
  And I learned so much. Yeah.
• 37:51
  It's fun.
• 37:52
  So for me, it's again, it's back to exploration.
• 37:55
  That's my.
• 37:55
  That's your theme. That's exciting. Yeah.
• 37:58
  There's this exploration.
• 37:59
  Exploration I want to I'm here one time I think.
• 38:02
  I don't think so by, I think I've, I've never been a before, but, I've got, I know I have this lifetime and so I'm here to explore and try and see and do everything I can.
• 38:15
  Yeah.
• 38:16
  What we we talked about, you brought up finances in the future.
• 38:22
  What do you see for your future?
• 38:24
  I know you're kind of just starting on this path, you know, of having this beautiful restaurant and helping people get healthy.
• 38:31
  What do you see for your future?
• 38:32
  Thank you.
• 38:33
  Yeah, I, I kind of I've never played by the rules, so I kind of retired first, and, 46 started working.
• 38:41
  Feels like, And now I dive deep into my world, and I, you master's in sustainability from Harvard is trained in how all the toxicity gets into our whole foods.
• 38:55
  But it also.
• 38:56
  And it looks like teach you where the hidden toxins are that are sabotaging your health.
• 39:01
  And then it's trained on ifs and parts work and all the subconscious thoughts that can lead to disease in the body.
• 39:07
  So it's a very holistic look at that.
• 39:10
  Then then supports with okay, now here's, here's what needs to happen.
• 39:16
  And then together we create a plan.
• 39:18
  Yeah. Make it happen.
• 39:19
  Talk about ifs I just start I just read a book on internal family systems.
• 39:24
  Is that what is okay.
• 39:25
  Can you talk about that a little bit?
• 39:26
  Because I don't think a lot of people know what that is or parts work.
• 39:29
  Right.
• 39:29
  So we all have it's just like you just said, like part of you was like, oh, I should look wrinkle free.
• 39:34
  And then the other part is like, you know what? To look natural.
• 39:36
  Yeah. Those are different parts of. Yes.
• 39:37
  Sometimes, like I have one of two in my head.
• 39:40
  They're like, eat the cookie, what you want to eat?
• 39:44
  But it's like you do not need the cookie right now.
• 39:46
  And I have this battle and they're most of the time the stronger will play or will.
• 39:53
  The stronger one will take the. Mic and be like, you're not eating the cookie.
• 39:56
  And then the other times, like, eat, you're eating them go, yeah, yeah.
• 40:00
  And so that's what ifs work is it's it's identifying with different your subconscious.
• 40:05
  And you have a bunch.
• 40:07
  You have I have an anxious little Nikki.
• 40:09
  If I don't get a text back from a point that I like.
• 40:11
  Yeah. She comes on, she's learning.
• 40:12
  Please. Like me. And it's like, that's not who I am innately.
• 40:15
  But there's a part of me that's like that. Of course.
• 40:17
  So that's what you navigate and there's.
• 40:19
  So you learn how to like, okay, take a little Nikki on her lap and stroke her hair and be like, you're okay.
• 40:23
  Your loved, you're lovable and you don't need to perform it.
• 40:27
  And it's the any different than you as you are.
• 40:30
  So yeah, that's what I have.
• 40:32
  I mean, do we have questions or we kind of have a topic that's been brought up?
• 40:37
  Okay. It was sort of we were having a little conversation in the chat.
• 40:43
  That feeling judged as a woman, like for your weight being single, things like that.
• 40:47
  And I was like, well, how do we ask about, like, how can we support you?
• 40:52
  And she's like, how do you like you?
• 40:54
  Basically the question was, how are you finding adult friends and stuff as we get older, friends move, teams go somewhere else.
• 41:03
  So like our support system is sometimes not there.
• 41:07
  So how do we go about maybe finding that new support system?
• 41:12
  So anybody have.
• 41:13
  Yeah. Events. Yeah.
• 41:15
  That you're interested in. Yeah.
• 41:17
  It's super simple.
• 41:18
  When I first I moved every year and a half my life, and I learned that the way to get into the community is to go to events that you're interested in.
• 41:25
  So I'll go to biohacking events, I'll go to I conferences, I'll go to all sorts of the sound healing and I smile and say hi to people, and then you make friends, right?
• 41:35
  And you connect with people that are like minded, that are interested in the same thing.
• 41:38
  But like what? Okay, here's the fine line.
• 41:41
  And the thing that I think people stumble or that it makes them nervous is like, when do you say, hey, do you want to get a coffee?
• 41:49
  Or like, I think people are nervous about that, that they don't want to come on too strong.
• 41:53
  But like, I know I came in here first, first day and we exchanged phone numbers and we texted and all that. I'm not.
• 42:00
  But some people are not like that.
• 42:01
  They're shy and they don't want to extend themselves or they don't want to, you know, what do you say about that?
• 42:07
  And it's a self-confidence thing.
• 42:09
  You have to believe that you're worth knowing.
• 42:12
  Yeah, right.
• 42:13
  And I want to know you just as much as you want to meet me.
• 42:16
  And if I show interest in you, there's a natural reciprocate.
• 42:20
  Yeah. Rust's reciprocity.
• 42:23
  Right, right.
• 42:24
  Yeah. It becomes innate.
• 42:26
  And then, you know, some people are like, I'm good.
• 42:29
  Yes, but don't take it personally.
• 42:31
  Right.
• 42:32
  Well, and some people are introvert, you know, introverts and extroverts, we're going to approach that totally differently.
• 42:37
  And I love meeting new people.
• 42:39
  I love going to events.
• 42:41
  But somebody who's more introverted might like, I went to a mahjong meetup group.
• 42:46
  Oh, what a mahjong.
• 42:48
  How do you say mahjong? Yeah. Or whatever.
• 42:51
  And as long as you know, you know how you say it.
• 42:53
  But something's not right.
• 42:54
  So I tell you, it's.
• 42:57
  It's all right.
• 42:58
  But, you know, the thing about that was we had the game, so.
• 43:01
  Yeah. That's good.
• 43:03
  As somebody who's more extroverted, I don't really like games because I like to talk to people, and games can kind of get in the way of that.
• 43:09
  But, you know, playing that game, it kept the conversation moving.
• 43:13
  It gave us something to focus on.
• 43:15
  And I found that as I joined different networking groups and I joined Texas Women in Business, and I've been a member for a year, and I feel like the relationships are just starting to get a little past the surface level there.
• 43:29
  The events are structured.
• 43:31
  So, and I approached it as I'm here to meet people and connect with people, not necessarily grow my business.
• 43:39
  Right.
• 43:40
  And and so I think some of that it just takes time and continuing to show up.
• 43:46
  Yeah I'm more introverted.
• 43:47
  So I think when I was younger I was very extroverted.
• 43:50
  But you know outside of work it is hard to to meet new friends.
• 43:56
  But you kind of, you know if you follow your passion you meet your people.
• 43:59
  And so I have gone to some health events that friends have invited me to just to meet more people, you know, who are like minded, who you know, could be great connections.
• 44:12
  And through them I've met more friends and I've been invited to more things that even, you know, went out Friday night for South by Southwest.
• 44:20
  And I went with one friend who I'd known for many years.
• 44:23
  But then she introduced me to all of her friends, and she got to, you know, be introduced to all my friends.
• 44:28
  So it's like, you just need to know one person.
• 44:30
  So if you are more introverted, just get a buddy, you know, and, and go, and people will come up to you because there are the more extroverted people will come up to you and make a conversation and, and then, you know, if there is that interest, then you still get that same connection.
• 44:48
  So I think even if you are someone who doesn't feel comfortable, but it's like that's what you have to do.
• 44:52
  You have to go.
• 44:53
  You have to step out outside your comfort zone and just kind of push yourself a little bit, but do it slowly, like go to a band and just like sit on the sidelines and watch people the first time, you know, someone will probably come talk to you.
• 45:06
  And then next time, like make a goal of talking to one person.
• 45:10
  But it definitely is harder to make friends as an adult, especially in a city like Austin.
• 45:16
  I think there's there's something for everyone, so you just need to find what you're saying is, you know, that's a workout class, right?
• 45:21
  So do the workout class.
• 45:24
  If that's coffee, you know. And keep going.
• 45:27
  If you don't meet, if you don't have the instant connection.
• 45:29
  Yeah.
• 45:30
  Like that. Y'all had it the first time you met.
• 45:32
  Keep coming back.
• 45:32
  You'll you'll meet people.
• 45:35
  I have a tendency to.
• 45:36
  So I'm extroverted.
• 45:38
  I can talk to anyone, but I'll go to the room and I'll just kind of scan around and I'll be like, who am I supposed to connect with?
• 45:43
  Yeah, it's.
• 45:43
  It's very clear. Like that one. Yeah.
• 45:46
  And I'll just go up and be like, I don't know why, but I'm supposed to say hello.
• 45:49
  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 45:50
  People love it.
• 45:50
  They're like, want people want to be interested in, Yes.
• 45:54
  People want when you take an interest.
• 45:57
  I think that that's a good way, because the person who's like, not Woowoo is going to be like, yeah, you weren't supposed to meet me that way. Yes.
• 46:05
  But I think that's exactly what happens here.
• 46:08
  Never happens. Right? It doesn't. Right.
• 46:12
  And then I think I think going back to like where people, you know, like perhaps this person who might feel a little nervous or introverted might, you know, I think that you're, you're searching for that moment like, go ahead and, and, you know, they have some self-awareness, like, you know, if you're connecting with somebody, don't treat it like, say, should we exchange numbers if they're like looking at their watch or, you know, to read the read the body language, if they're not, like really connecting with you, you don't want to say, hey, let's go get a coffee.
• 46:45
  They don't want to get a coffee with you.
• 46:46
  But if you're like, good talking and you're leaning in and you found something that you both like and you're having a moment, then say like, hey, let's exchange numbers.
• 46:56
  Oh, well, maybe that's how we can support others like this.
• 46:59
  We walk into those rooms and maybe make it a goal to walk up to somebody.
• 47:04
  Yes, maybe you you notice them as not being the most comfortable thinking or quiet or whatever like that.
• 47:14
  A subtle way to support that other person. Yes.
• 47:18
  Do not be afraid to walk up and say, oh yeah, that's good.
• 47:22
  Do we have any other things that okay, that's interesting, but understand that if you're coming off as like, I don't want to talk to anyone because I'm afraid you literally are creating a sense around you of like, don't talk to me.
• 47:34
  I'm not I'm I'm not interested. Right.
• 47:36
  And I've had that with people where they're so fearful, they're living in their fear that they don't.
• 47:42
  They don't realize that they're creating the block. Yes.
• 47:46
  So what's like some good tips, like some good body like, so one thing is to, like, use the doorknob as your, your trick.
• 47:54
  So as soon as if you're entering a door, the doorknob becomes your, like, indicator of, like taking a deep breath.
• 47:59
  Breathe into your higher self I am lovable, I am worthy, I'm supposed to be here because I'm walking in the store.
• 48:07
  I'm meant to be here.
• 48:08
  I'm meant to connect to someone and then walk through like that, that that state change you.
• 48:15
  You've opened up the field right now.
• 48:18
  Your enter your energy body is literally open versus, I don't know if anyone's going to like me.
• 48:24
  Right.
• 48:25
  I think that's really good.
• 48:27
  Yeah.
• 48:28
  We I, we also, again to somebody else and I, we asked her, what if you're so lonely and you don't have one person in your life?
• 48:40
  And she said, if you don't have one person in your life and you are so lonely.
• 48:45
  I'm not saying this person who asked the question is, please know that.
• 48:49
  But that.
• 48:52
  Start spreading some kindness and some love.
• 48:55
  And maybe if you feel good, you can go to a volunteer event.
• 49:00
  You volunteer somewhere, you help someone, and you know you're putting yourself out there to help other people and to volunteer.
• 49:08
  And then maybe you'll meet people there, but at least you're out of the house and you're doing something and you know things will happen.
• 49:13
  You just have to put yourself in the space and the headspace that you mentioned.
• 49:18
  Something really important where you're fine is close.
• 49:21
  Yeah.
• 49:21
  There was a woman that was dying of cancer in Aspen when I lived there, and she she didn't want treatment.
• 49:26
  She was kind of complete with life.
• 49:28
  And I was like, what's the lesson you've learned?
• 49:30
  She said, drink from your finest China.
• 49:32
  And wear your finest clothes.
• 49:34
  And I went home.
• 49:35
  I throw out everything that I don't feel amazing at. Yes.
• 49:38
  And, but, you know, like when you show up looking stunning and, like, right looking your best and you got your jewelry, you got your fancy hat or whatever is, you show up radiating and you become magnetic.
• 49:49
  Your frequency attract. That's right.
• 49:49
  Yeah.
• 49:51
  You have to do something that you feel.
• 49:53
  You feel good. Right.
• 49:55
  And, that I just interviewed, she hasn't been on the.
• 49:59
  We haven't aired the podcast Monica Nassif.
• 50:02
  She started the brand Mrs.
• 50:04
  Meyer's Clean Day, and we ran into her at South by Southwest.
• 50:07
  But she had a little baby who had cancer, which we met the grown up daughter who had the cancer. She's fine.
• 50:13
  She's like older and she's wonderful now.
• 50:16
  But when she was a baby going through cancer treatment, Monica overheard her mother, telling the baby, getting her all dressed up, and said, when we go into battle, she was going to chemo this baby.
• 50:27
  She said, when we go into battle, we wear our finest clothes.
• 50:31
  We wear our suit of armor, we look great.
• 50:34
  And she had the six month old baby dressed up who didn't know she was getting chemo, you know?
• 50:39
  So that's a good point.
• 50:40
  You know, of looking good. Feeling good.
• 50:43
  What are how are we on time?
• 50:45
  Which I'm 5 to 5 to. All right.
• 50:48
  What do we have any final thoughts?
• 50:51
  Like, one of the things I think this is important to know, too.
• 50:54
  Nice. Okay, so this was too much.
• 50:57
  Too nice, too old to single the impossible type walk that women walk.
• 51:02
  Tightrope that women walk two nights to do.
• 51:04
  Nice.
• 51:05
  We don't say no.
• 51:07
  Oh, that's a good one.
• 51:09
  How often we say yes.
• 51:10
  Or maybe I'm called the selfish little girl I was.
• 51:13
  Always is to say I work with my mother.
• 51:16
  Right?
• 51:17
  If I say no to her, I'm called a selfish little girl.
• 51:20
  And I'm like, when were you?
• 51:22
  I turn it around.
• 51:23
  I said, when were you taught not to take care of your needs?
• 51:27
  Who taught you not to take care of your needs first?
• 51:29
  Interests. Well, that's just how I show up.
• 51:31
  I'm a mother, I care.
• 51:32
  That's how I show my health, right?
• 51:35
  Yeah. Oh, my gosh.
• 51:37
  So too nice.
• 51:38
  So have you learned to say no to things?
• 51:40
  You know I'm to an in now.
• 51:41
  And if my body tells me I'm a manager.
• 51:44
  So by my human design, it's what's manager Manifester generator.
• 51:48
  Oh is that we are okay okay.
• 51:51
  Management is this we born in almost the same time of day.
• 51:55
  Wait, is this Enneagram?
• 51:58
  What is?
• 51:58
  No, it's. Human design, okay?
• 52:01
  It's, mean.
• 52:02
  She knows. Okay.
• 52:02
  You guys mind all this stuff?
• 52:05
  We're manifester generation.
• 52:06
  I think everyone has this, but we very strongly I.
• 52:08
  But I think Sally is too.
• 52:10
  It's when you like your your gut will tell you.
• 52:13
  Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like.
• 52:13
  Yes. No.
• 52:15
  Listen to your guys. You listen to that.
• 52:18
  You are so much more in control and empower empowered.
• 52:21
  And every time I don't listen to that, I'm doing something that I don't want to do.
• 52:25
  And then you're resentful?
• 52:26
  Yes, I get resentful and they never appreciate it.
• 52:29
  Right?
• 52:30
  I don't get what I what you think I'm going to get for being nice.
• 52:34
  I get the opposite.
• 52:35
  I get right as I basically fail because I'm already failing myself, right?
• 52:39
  Oh my God, what do you think about that?
• 52:42
  You know, I was. Thinking about, that, like the hit that you feel and is it going to be a good thing or a bad thing? And, relating it back to when I had a job and I didn't always have the, you know, I didn't have the choice not to be nice if, you know, if I was teaching it, I was a trainer when I had a job.
• 53:03
  And so I was in classrooms full of people all day.
• 53:05
  And some days I wasn't exactly feeling it, but I still had to go, and being nice, I mean, in our title two.
• 53:16
  Nice.
• 53:17
  It relates to the bigger thing we're talking about, but just in a day to day life, when you have a job, it helps to be nice in the in the workplace, you want to go along with people and not have to have a conversation with your boss.
• 53:31
  But it it made me think if your door knob thing.
• 53:36
  Because if I'm not really when I had a job and I had to go teach a class if I wasn't feeling it, I have a little pep talk with myself on the way to the class.
• 53:46
  You know, you're you're going to smile.
• 53:49
  You're going to say hello, you're going to be friendly.
• 53:52
  The first thing you say when you walk in the room is going to be good morning.
• 53:55
  Yeah.
• 53:56
  And and in the workplace, you know, there's, there's people who care a lot about good morning and the niceties.
• 54:02
  And then there's people who don't care at all.
• 54:04
  Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
• 54:06
  You had it tough pulling on those pantyhose like back in the day.
• 54:10
  And you came to an office and I'm in pantyhose.
• 54:13
  Can I have one more? I can't less.
• 54:15
  But I remember.
• 54:17
  Heels.
• 54:17
  I used to teach in. Heels, but I remember that, you know, when you first got your masters, when we were kids and you were like, I put on pantyhose and go down, down.
• 54:26
  And I was like, oh, Lord, and be nice to people.
• 54:29
  But I think that, you know, this is maybe two nice or two, like, that's what you're talking about being too nice, doing things you don't want to do with your people.
• 54:39
  Pleasing one of my mothers now is the whole world is happier with my feet and hurt.
• 54:45
  Yeah, man.
• 54:48
  Oh that's smart. Okay.
• 54:50
  Anything?
• 54:51
  Well, I think I have, like, a different part of the two guys is, you know, over the years, I've had men always say x, y, z, okay.
• 55:01
  And, you know, I've never actually said most of the time, like, what I was actually feeling in response to whatever comment they made, you know, if they were catcalling or, you know, just saying something that was just inappropriate.
• 55:14
  Yeah, they shouldn't, especially when you're in a work environment.
• 55:18
  I remember being at a Christmas party of one of my partners and, you know, in the past, and a coworker was saying something to me that I was like, this shouldn't be happening.
• 55:29
  But because it wasn't like my workplace, it was someone else.
• 55:33
  I just, like, took their and, you know, just stood there and took it.
• 55:36
  But I was like, this is not okay.
• 55:38
  Like what this man is saying to me also in front of other people is not okay.
• 55:42
  I was like, no, I'm just going to sit there and just be nice because what other option do I have?
• 55:47
  Okay, that was just yeah.
• 55:49
  What option do you have now that you're older and you've thought about this and you're going to speak your truth, right?
• 55:54
  What are you going to do next time that happens?
• 55:56
  So just just to say like, you know, you can't talk to me that way.
• 56:00
  Like that's not okay or just to even walk away.
• 56:02
  What if I didn't, you know, want to, you know, make a big stink out of it?
• 56:06
  Like, I could have just remove myself from the situation, but it's like I felt like I had to stay there and just, you know.
• 56:13
  So we've all been there.
• 56:15
  That's right.
• 56:15
  But you're 37.
• 56:17
  She's 47. We're 57.
• 56:19
  Let me tell you.
• 56:20
  That voice becomes stronger and you will stand up for yourself.
• 56:25
  I think you're even.
• 56:26
  You are doing it now.
• 56:28
  And I think that that is that voice is going to become stronger.
• 56:32
  Your gut, your brain, your voice.
• 56:35
  You're going to start listening to it more.
• 56:36
  You will stand up for Sally mean, I hear how you would say it, because how you say it is important, how I would say, like if I was in that situation or somebody was a part, you know, obviously context is everything.
• 56:50
  It depends on the situation.
• 56:52
  If it was a work thing, that's the tricky.
• 56:54
  It's like if it's your boss or if it's your, you know, there is definitely a lot I let slide.
• 57:00
  That was said to me when I was younger because again, you felt like, what can I do?
• 57:04
  So in maybe a work situation that's talent.
• 57:08
  So if somebody is like a superior to you, I would just maybe say like, you know what, I'm really trying to, have a professional image and a professional experience here. And I feel like that's, you know, not a line I want to go go across right now.
• 57:26
  If it's like a friend or somebody, you know, I'd be like, hey, man, that's uncool.
• 57:31
  That's don't don't talk to me that way.
• 57:32
  Just depends on the situation.
• 57:34
  You know that you want to.
• 57:36
  You never want to burn a bridge.
• 57:36
  You never.
• 57:38
  But at the same time, I.
• 57:41
  You want to stand up for yourself.
• 57:42
  You are the most important person to you.
• 57:45
  You know, you have to take care of yourself. So.
• 57:48
  All right, well, guys, I think that's a good place to end.
• 57:51
  This has been a good conversation.
• 57:53
  Feel free. I thank you so much.
• 57:55
  If you watch this live, I oh my gosh we appreciate you so much.
• 57:59
  And thank you.
• 58:00
  If you listen to the replay and I hope that you'll, find all of us and follow us if you want, or, you know, message us if you have questions, we would love to continue this conversation.
• 58:12
  So thank you for tuning in to our live during South by Southwest podcast.
• 58:17
  Na day.
• 58:22
  Thanks for listening, friend.
• 58:24
  From my heart to yours, be well until we meet again.