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Measuring the Immeasurable: Vital, Intangible Things Your Spouse Needs · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for August 27, 2026 Measuring the Immeasurable Vital,
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  intangible things your spouse needs Many of the things we need from our spouse
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  are more nebulous than the five love languages,
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  and that can make it even more difficult to know if we are getting what we need.
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  For example, we need to feel trusted. But how do you measure that?
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  I've grouped these into loose categories. Appreciation We need to feel valued
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  through recognition, thanks, gratitude, and praise.
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  It need not be over the top, but it should be regular My wife and I regularly
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  thank each other for being sane, or decent, or for acting like an adult,
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  It's saying, I see you, I see what you do, and I value it,
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  Emotional We need emotional connection Having that requires vulnerability,
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  active listening, and being a safe place Trust and the benefit of doubt fit
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  here Doing this one means being okay with tears, anger, grief, and fear.
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  Intellectual Most of us have a deep longing to be intellectually connected with our spouse.
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  We want to feel they respect our mind. We want to engage in stimulating discussion
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  and lovingly challenge each other to learn and stretch.
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  We want to learn new things together and learn more about the things we both
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  love. Share life. I think sharing life is what marriage is all about.
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  It means sharing your spouse's hobbies by at least having some understanding.
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  It means finding things to explore together. It means wanting to tell your spouse
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  about what happened while you were apart and wanting to hear what happened to them.
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  And sometimes, it's just physical presence, being in the same place without words or activity.
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  And one more. We need apologies from our spouse. Not just when they were mean
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  or hurtful. We need apologies when they unintentionally hurt us.
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  An apology is not saying, I was
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  wrong or it was my fault. An apology is saying, I'm sorry you were hurt.
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  If you are stingy with apologies, that is hurting your spouse and your marriage.
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  Think on these things. Which of these feel lacking to you? Can you see any you
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  know you should give to your spouse in a greater way?
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  If you're feeling brave, discuss these things with your spouse.
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  This is Paul, reminding you that doing marriage well looks different for every couple.