Latest / Heal Yourself Podcast / Episode 43: Nurturing the Soul with Compassionate Self-Talk With Elizabeth Walker

Transcript

Episode 43: Nurturing the Soul with Compassionate Self-Talk With Elizabeth Walker · Heal Yourself Podcast

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: I'm Denise, a speech-language pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we are here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind and soul.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing your relationship with yourself, healing trauma and even transforming your money story.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: We're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: So, whether you're looking to heal physically, emotionally or spiritually, join us as we explore the many paths to wholeness and wellness.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: All right, welcome to another episode of Heal Yourself podcast.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Today we have Elizabeth Walker and we're going to be talking all about emotional healing.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Elizabeth is an empowering recovery coach who helps people rebuild the relationship they have with themselves so they can create a life they're genuinely excited to wake up for.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: Elizabeth believes real change starts with reconnecting to who you are at your core, beyond the labels and expectations you've picked up over the years.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: With a compassionate and down-to-earth approach, elizabeth helps her clients let go of fear and self-doubt, uncover their inner courage and take the steps needed to show up for themselves in a way that feels right.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Through her work, she's seen people go from feeling stuck, disconnected or lost to feeling empowered, confident and truly present in their lives.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: Welcome, elizabeth.
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: Thank you, denise.
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: It's so lovely to be here with you and I'm looking forward to this, looking forward to the conversation.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: Same.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: Unfortunately, kira could not be with us today, but it's just going to be you and me and let's dive in with some questions, all righty.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: So, elizabeth um, tell us, if you don't mind, like or tell me what do you mean when you talk about emotional healing?
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: I was just thinking.
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: Actually, as you were talking about, I was thinking emotional healing.
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: Wow, that's quite a sort of abstract term really, isn't it Sort of like?
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: Well, what does that mean?
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: To me it means, you know, part human, unique and special.
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: But there is that aspect of it that some emotions that we have can be a little bit uncomfortable and I prefer uncomfortable over negative, because actually all all emotions or feelings are here to help us and and are part of our, our journey, part of our experience.
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: So, but some of them are a bit uncomfortable and some of them, especially, you know, when they happen to us, when we're very young or, you know, if they're very big, if it's big events, we don't process them, we don't sort of fully process them, we don't allow emotions to transform.
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: So, to me, emotion I like to think of emotion as being energy in motion, and energy is one of those things.
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: It doesn't just disappear, appear, it has to be transformed.
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: So when we get these emotions, when these emotions happen to us, if we're not able to allow that energy to transform, it gets stuck in us, it gets stuck in our body and it can create problems physically, it can create problems emotionally and eventually, you know, create problems spiritually.
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: And what I mean by spiritually is it can disconnect us from our essence, it can disconnect us from our, which then stops us kind of having that quality of life.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: Yes, and it puts us sometimes in that freeze mode, right, like we can't keep moving on.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: I love talking about emotions and I love that you mentioned that they're here to help us.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: So, no matter how uncomfortable they get, they're here to help us.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, I love that.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: So, elizabeth, from your experience, of course, and working with clients, how does one repair and rebuild the relationship with oneself, because that is the most important relationship that we can have, but we need to have a good relationship with ourselves.
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: That's a big question to me.
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: It's a really big question how do we repair the relationship we have with ourselves?
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: First of all, it's about, you know there are many different aspects to it and that part of it is, you know, where talk, therapy or therapy can come in.
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: We have to be able to go back into those experiences, those uncomfortable, painful, traumatic experiences, and acknowledge that they happened, allow that energy to kind of come out.
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: I kind of talk about open the linen closet.
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: You know, if you're organizing the kitchen cupboards or the linen closet, you have to get everything out.
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: You make a big mess before you can actually filter through and go, yeah, still want that actually.
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: No, that can go to good well, and fold it up nicely and put it back in.
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: So we've then got nice, neat sort of pile.
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: So the first thing we need to do is we need to empty the linen closet.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: We need to get everything out it, you know, actually find some perspective on it, like you say.
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: You know you spoke there about the freeze moment we can get so caught up in one perspective on a situation that when we can sort of talk about it, when we can allow that to move and when we can start to become curious, we can start to find different perspectives on it.
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: So I mean, I've been through in my own experience and you know I've worked with people in recovery from drug and alcohol addiction mainly, so it's a lot.
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: I've heard some horrendous stories of what people have experienced in their life and in my own experience it's that have experienced in their life and in my own experience it's that when I can get it out and I can actually start to see it from a place of no emotion, with no energy, just as being an experience not positive, not negative, just it was and also see what it's actually given me, what it's shown me, what it's shown me about myself, what strengths it's given me, what characteristics it's helped me, what you know and how that's played out, then we can start to sort of like stop holding on to the, the negativity, the sort of the paralysis that these, these kings and I hate to use the word, but you know, to some extent feeling like a victim.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes.
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: It's not fair.
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: It's not fair, you know all of this which, actually, when we start doing that, we start sort of like at that point we start denying parts of ourselves, we're denying the bit of ourselves that that's actually given us.
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: So I've, there are many experiences in my life that have actually given me strength, they've given me empathy, but when I was pushing them away, when I was trying to pretend they didn't happen, it was also sort of saying, well, I'm, I'm not, I don't have that, those characteristics, I'm not empathic, I can't, I'm not strong, I'm not empathic, I can't, I'm not strong, I'm not resilient.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: I love what you said about and I know that, yes, sometimes it's just pointing it out and saying that there's a victim mentality or whatever.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: Yes, it could be icky.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: However, sometimes that is the truth, you know, and then sometimes we do need to take accountability.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: But I love how you said that Just by us not looking at it, we're denying, we're denying ourselves from remembering who we truly, truly are at our core.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: At our core, we are amazing souls, you know, and we're loved for just who we are, and so that's really important to go there, to go into that linen closet and take the stuff out.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: You know, kira and I talk a lot about it and you know, I know we love to give tangible.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: You know small steps and things like that.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: But sometimes doing the inner work requires you to go into that closet and take everything out.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: Look at the mess.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: You know, when I cleaned my closet, I looked at it.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: I'm like there's no way I'm going to get it done.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: There's no, I'm going to get it done.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: And guess what?
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: I got it done.
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: Exactly, exactly.
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we're not the small step I love that you talk about.
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: I mean tangible small steps are essential because when we look at the linen closet on its, you know as a whole kind of go, oh my good God, no too much, close the cupboard, deal with that tomorrow.
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: But actually when we take small steps and the first step might be just right, pull it all out and just leave it there for a day, yeah, and then go, ok, I'll come back and do a little bit tomorrow.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: But you know it's going to be be there.
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: You know it's going to be there, but at least when it's out that you know it's that energy already, that energy, you're transforming that energy, that sort of like.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: It's sort of like okay, I've taken my first step, the next step's not going to feel so bad, but it's.
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: You know, if we want to have a healthy relationship with ourself, we kind of have to have a healthy home for ourself, and a healthy home for myself is one that is really I don't know if any analogy is going to work but it's organized, that is accepting, that is non-judgmental.
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: You know, there's a when we push things down, when we push emotions, when we push the events down and when we're denying them, we're not only denying that they happen, we're denying part of ourselves, but we're also not allowing that energy to transform into something positive, into something uplifting, into something empowering.
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: I love how you said that when we talk about these things, when we can allow ourselves to be vulnerable and go this is what's happened, then actually we're creating a bit of space for our soul, for our essence to go to spread its wings a little bit and go yeah, okay, I've got this, I can do this, I can do the next step.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Wow, that's a lot of cool things we're talking about here, elizabeth.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, I've got this, I can do this, I can do the next step.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: Wow, that's a lot of cool things we're talking about here, elizabeth Tell me, why is our relationship with ourself so important?
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: Well, other than the fact that we I I'll talk.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: You are your, only you know you're the only person you can rely on to be there with you 24 hours a day.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, I have two children.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: But it's still me, I'm with all the time and if I don't like myself or if I don't have that open you know relationship I'm a loving relationship and an authentic relationship with myself then I'm kind of always in conflict with myself and I know when I'm in conflict with my 14 year old it feels so uncomfortable physically, emotionally.
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: The energy of the house is horrible.
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it infects my other daughter like it, just it.
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: It escalates.
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: So if you think, think about that, you know with yourself, if you don't like yourself, the inner critic gets really loud.
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: You wake up in the morning and you're already trying to go no, don't want to be with you.
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: How do I get away from you?
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: I'm really sorry, you can't you can't there is no you can't.
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: There is no getting away from yourself like you're stuck you're stuck.
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: I tried.
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: I mean I.
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: I'm in recovery from drugs and alcohol.
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: I tried for many years.
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: I mean, we tried.
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: We're pretty good at all sorts of things, incredibly good at masking, escaping, numbing none of it.
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: None of it.
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: It worked Like and I tried everything I can give you out there the people I work with have tried everything.
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: None of it works.
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: We have to get to a place and I really don't like using words like have to, but it's so.
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: It really is important that we get to a place that we can look at ourselves in the mirror and we can go to a place that we can look at ourselves in the mirror and we can go.
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: Actually, you're all right.
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: You're not perfect.
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: There is some, you know, you've got your shit, excuse my language, but actually I love you, You're good, I accept you.
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: I know you're doing your best.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: There we go.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: I'm going to have your back.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: I got you Exactly Accepting and coming from a place of acceptance to change, versus look at you, you're this, you're this, you're this.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: How are you going to expect a change if you are so down on yourself?
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: But when you're like, like you said, you look at yourself in the mirror.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: I got you, girl, I'm here for you.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: You were not perfect.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: We have, we have a lot of stuff in the closet we don't do.
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: We don't do things for people we don't like yeah, and we're definitely not going to do the uncomfortable stuff for people we don't like.
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: Correct?
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: So if you don't like yourself, you're not going to push yourself out of your comfort zone or I prefer to call it a discomfort zone, because when we stay too small it is uncomfortable.
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: You know, we need to grow.
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: We're yeah, we're living, we're like everything.
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: We need to keep growing.
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: But that's only going to happen.
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: We're only going to do the things that we perceive to be difficult, we perceive to be a bit uncomfortable if we actually like ourselves.
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: I mean, for example, exercising in the morning.
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: I have mornings where I wake up and I'm sort of like, oh, you really don't want to do this, you know, especially at that time of month when the body's heavy, and you're just sort of like, oh, god, god, no, I just want to stay in bed.
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: And it's sort of like, no, I'm going to exercise because I know I'll feel better for myself.
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: For it, I'll feel better in myself.
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: I deserve it.
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: Yes, I deserve it.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: Yes, I deserve that energy, that effort being put into me, absolutely, wow.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: I mean.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: We've been talking a lot, I've been asking a lot of questions.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: What happens, elizabeth, to one's life when you develop a healthy emotional intimacy with yourself, like when you start cleaning that closet, when you start looking in and you know how can?
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: What happens to your life?
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: it kind of turns around, it kind of it kind of just sort of like suddenly there's not that like, oh, heavy, I mean I've started describing.
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: I've started just because as an experiment.
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: I've started describing when people ask me how I am, as if I'd get it in a weather forecast.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: It's really interesting if you ever want to try that out, just as an experiment.
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: Every morning, to grey skies and thunder and sort of like looming rain clouds, you wake up and the skies are blue.
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: There may be a few little white fluffy clouds in the sky, but for the most part it's sort of like fine with the you know, blue skies ahead type of thing.
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: It we start well, like I mentioned before, we start doing the things that actually help us grow.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: We start doing the things that require a little bit more effort, that require a little bit more discipline, so that in itself starts to build self-esteem, which you know remorse.
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: As we start to do it, we build ourselves up and those things can be uncomfortable.
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they can in the beginning.
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: They are in the beginning and let's not mess around.
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: They are in the beginning because it's doing something.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: When I first started and when I see people, you know it's that meditating.
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: You know five minutes.
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: Okay, just do five minutes meditate.
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: Oh, I don't know, I haven't got time.
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: It's so difficult.
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: My mind's always going, it's sort of like oh, I'm not doing that, not doing that, but actually five minutes of meditation, whether or not it's a guided meditation or just sitting quietly or just watching a tree or walking through the countryside, it helps clear the mind, which you know, as the day goes on, you know it's, we stop listening to being a critic, we stop listening to other people's opinions, so much.
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: And when I say that, it's mostly what's interesting about that, because actually other people generally see us better than we see ourselves, but be you know, there's that thing of in a, when you're in that place, there's no way most of us would say what our inner self or our inner critic says to ourselves to someone else, like it would be verbal abuse kind of thing.
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: So, you know, we start to sort of like become more aware of the inner critic, but those words come from other people and I hope I'm making some sense here.
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: So I come from a background.
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: My parents loved me very much.
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: I actually had, you know, despite there being, yes, there was some trauma.
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: There was, you know, I had some really skewed perspectives, but it wasn't because you know what we believe to be true is true If we believe it it is true, you know we need to not believe it.
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: So, but there was a lot of criticism.
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: Criticism, you know.
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: I was born in the 70s.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: I was sort of being raised in the 80s, when there wasn't that much acceptance of emotions.
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: I was told to pull myself together you know, don't be so angry yeah, it was just sort of like so all of those, so the my inner, my inner critic, my inner voice used to be very much you'll pull yourself together.
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: You know you can't feel angry always got to feel bad.
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: If you're not feeling happy then you're failing.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: You know the only way to be worthy is to get good grades at school, got to succeed at this, got to get all of these things.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: So I'm trying to.
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: I was sort of trying to live my life by all these other people's, by all these other people's opinions, other people's values.
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: Yet it was my voice, kind of talking in my head, telling me that I wasn't good enough, I wasn't doing enough, I wasn't this, I wasn't that I'm too this, I'm too that You're too bubbly, you're too talkative, you're too enthusiastic.
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: Got to calm it down, got to make yourself small, all of these things, things.
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: And when you start listening to that, basically your soul, your essence, just withers away and just goes.
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, what's the point?
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: right.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: It becomes so other people's opinions and beliefs become your own.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: However, when you emotionally heal and you do take time to clean your closet, then you're starting to question those beliefs and say wait a minute, are those true?
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: Is this my belief?
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: Is this my emotion?
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: Because I know that I've had sometimes a lot of anxiety, but I know that some of the emotions are not mine, Some of the emotions I grew up seeing.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: So I question, I say wait a minute.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: But that's not you, those are not your emotions, right?
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: Stop taking other people's emotions as yours.
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: Or another.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: I mean it's constant.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: It is constant Like emotional healing, and healing is constant.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: It's like always.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: You're always doing the work, like you know.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Today, for example, it's a Monday, right, and I have a lot going on and I'm such a high achiever.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: So you know, growing up I had to have the grades Monday, always the tests and this.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: So what I do every Monday in the morning I always talk to my you know, baby self and I say I got you, girl.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: There's no school, you're an adult.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: Now You're 45.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: You're not five, you're not six.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: No one's coming to yell at you and I give myself big hugs and I'm like I love you baby, I love you good.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: So it's always there, you know, but you're just continuing to doing the work regardless and eventually, you know, you have more peace and acceptance with that versus trying to fight it yeah, totally.
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: I love you put that so well, denise, well done, so much clearer and eloquently than I did.
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: But it brings us, you know, when we.
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: It is ongoing and I love what you brought up there about you know, working with the inner, like the inner child.
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: It's that because, effectively, that's where we talk about emotional healing, that's who we're working with.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: Yes, we're working with that child self who wasn't heard, wasn't seen, wasn't accepted, didn't receive love, you know, as they needed to receive love, and just letting them know that that actually they matter, that you see them that, like you say that you've got them, know that actually they matter, that you see them that, like you say that you've got them, because that inner child, like those and I call them tantrums just for a better way- Absolutely yeah, those tantrums that the inner child has is kind of, then, what plays out in our adult life.
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: What stops us doing the things we want to do?
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: what stops us showing the things we want to do?
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: what stops us showing up as, as we, as we?
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: are I love that you mentioned the tantrum, because whenever I'm talking to myself or to Kira, I would tell her I just had, I just had an adult tantrum, I just had a baby tantrum in the car, by myself, right.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: So I do allow sometimes myself to have those tantrums, but very healthfully, you know, like letting it out.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: Just like you said, the emotions are energy in motion.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: They got to move somewhere, right.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: But then instead of yelling at somebody and reacting, I'm doing it, for example, in the car, or and by myself, or whatever yeah, no, we've got to, and exactly you know, we've got to let those out.
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: I still have little tantrums every so often and little sort of like hissy fits and I catch myself and it's like okay, so.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: So which part of me, which part of me is feeling not seen?
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: Which one of my boundaries have I let go, or where am I not respecting myself?
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: Where you know?
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: Because going back to every emotion is beneficial, every emotion is healthy.
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: If I'm angry with something, it's like okay, what am I angry about?
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: What's triggering that anger in me?
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: What does it show me about myself?
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: I get so angry about injustice, like I am such a sucker for like the underdog winning.
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: I love film, you know the underdog rises up, same same.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: All my life I worked with kids with special needs.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: I'm a speech therapist, so I always, I'm always for the underdog.
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: I always want you know justice.
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: So, yeah, I get really angry when I see any form of injustice, even to to the extent of you.
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: Know someone in the car being rude and pulling out in front of you.
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: Know an old woman who's just taking her time.
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: That's how I'm like you complete git, aren't you?
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: And it's sort of like well, because I feel that she's been mistreated.
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: Ah, so justice is something that's really important to me.
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: So now I know that actually, as I move through world, as I as I evolve and mature into my adult self, that actually one of my values, one of the things I need to honor about myself, is this is is justice is making sure that.
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: You know I feel that I'm doing the best for everybody.
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: But but I'm being fair.
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: It's yeah and it's interesting.
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: You know, taking in my own life, I've got a 14-year-old and a 16-year-old and I feel myself getting incredibly sort of like wound up and tight when one of them comes to me, wanting them to fix a problem with the other one or moaning to me about the other one, and I'll find myself sort of like backing the other one up or sort of biting my corner.
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: I mean, I just take my side I'm like I can't yeah.
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: I actually can't, you figure it out, is when she comes to me moaning about you.
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: I'm there sort of like backing you up, because it's that sort of like.
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: For me it's sort of like two sides of the argument and it's like so I've had to come to the point where I've just said to them both like I can't, I can't do this.
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: I love you both very much.
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: You're both very special to me.
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: I would you know.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: You're my daughters.
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: I will do everything I can to support you and help you, but I'm not going to pick one over the other, correct?
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and when you ask me to, I feel physically ill.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: I mean, I have a boy and a girl and they're five and a half years apart, so I don't have that issue.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: But yes, they used to bicker when he was younger, when he was a little bit.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: Now he's 18.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: They don't bicker about.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: Um, I do want to talk about a little bit of, you know, some of the emotions that you know.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: As children we did experience those emotions, but we didn't have the tools to process them.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: Hence, you know, they are becoming what they're becoming right now.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: So that's why, right now, it is our responsibility to our baby child self, to our younger self, to our small, you know, self, to process those emotions with the tools and the strategies that we have, because right now we're adults, we're not babies, and there's where emotional maturity comes in.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean and that's I feel like you know, I started to emotionally mature truly right now, right now, as an adult, in my 40s, because I started doing the work versus throwing the hissy fits and the tantrums.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: But you know, to the one person listening right now and saying you know, I have a lot of emotions, a lot of emotions like, oh, my goodness, as a child, the thing is, just remember that as a child, you didn't have the tools, you didn't know what to to say to yourself.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: You know you relied on the adult in front of you, and if the adult in front of you was not emotionally mature, then you picked up on all that.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: So that's why, right now, it is your turn to take care of you.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know so, yeah.
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: I don't.
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: I mean, I don't remember being really shown how to have any emotion.
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I am like properly thinking about it properly, it's the right word.
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: You know, anger was not anger.
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: There was not an emotion that was appealing or attractive let's go with the word attractive, because that's the best thing.
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: It's sort of like anger made other people sadness.
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: You know, especially being British, sadness is an emotion that makes other people uncomfortable.
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: I remember that if I was really happy and joyful and sort of bubbly and noisy, that made you know that was a problem because I was being too, if I was really happy and joyful and sort of bubbly and noisy, that made you know that was a problem because I was being too noisy, I was being too happy, I was sort of like, so don't be too much of that.
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: So there was no emotion that I was ever knew it was, it was okay to have so kind of try and get rid of them all.
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: But also there was a belief.
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: I and I see it with a lot of people that I work with and I it was really interesting.
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: I had a conversation with a client this week actually and it's the idea that you know, emotions are really fickle, like really fickle, and again, watching children really highlights this Because if we don't like hold on to emotion, if we don't have an emotion and kind of like hold on to it and don't allow it to move, then it can overtake us.
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: But if we just allow them to come and go, a bit like waves on the beach, you know, we can go through probably five or six emotions.
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: I love that, I love it, I love it.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: They're waves, they're waves, they come, they go, they move so quickly.
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: And I always used to think that, you know, before I really started doing this workout, there was a bit of me that thought, you know, once I get that happy feeling, once I'm happy, I'm going to be always, I'm always going to be happy.
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: And then so you get it, and there's a sort of like I'm holding on to it for dear life, thinking can't let this go, because then I'm going to feel, you know, not happy and it will feel a little bit uncomfortable again.
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: And then there's a fear.
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: So then I'm coming on to it for fear of when that happiness goes or when, when I stop feeling happy.
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: So there's all that.
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: So when I can just be in the moment, go, oh, I feel really happy today and I can enjoy it, and I can let it go and go, okay, well, I'll still, I'll ride this wave for as long as it takes me it.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: You know the likelihood that it will dip and I might fall into contentment.
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: I might actually feel sad, I might feel angry, something might happy to make me, and that's okay, because you know that one will last for a bit, and the more I just allow them to come and go, actually the shorter they last.
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: So instead of chasing happiness, instead of chasing what I, my sort of suggestions of people is to find that steady place, contentment.
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: Find a steady place and then, just sort of like, allow all the rest of them to come to wash up on the beach, to wash up over you, to be to do what they're here to do, show you what they need to show you, you know, and let it go, yeah, and let them go in the next one, let them go in peace, like how let them go there are 34,000 words in the English language for emotions which kind of?
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: yeah, which kind of to me that's kind of almost 34,000 different emotions, yeah, yeah, so when I can get curious as to why maybe I'm feeling a little bit lonely, am I feeling disconnected from myself?
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm feeling disconnected.
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: Okay, why am I feeling disconnected?
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: Because actually I've not reached out to any of my friends, or I've not journaled for a few days, or I've sort of like been too much in doing and not in being.
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, get curious to be able to really sort of like start identifying what the emotion is, rather than just sort of like I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm angry, like let's get here.
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: Let's break this down.
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, a little bit more, and even by doing that you're not holding onto it.
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: That allows that wave to kind of just roll in and roll out.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I love it.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: I love, love, love this analogy with the wave.
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: It's beautiful.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: All righties, elizabeth, oh, my goodness, we talked a lot and there's a lot of beautiful things that we said.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: You know, Kira and I are firm believers in giving you know value in tangible small steps.
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: Right, we believe in small steps lead to big changes.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: So, what are some?
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: You know, maybe two to three tips that you can give, and I know that it's not going to substitute, for you know there's the work needs to be done.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: Right, looking in and doing the reflections.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: It's important if you truly, truly, truly want to want to connect with the authentic self.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: You got to do it.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: However, you know, we always like to give some tips because we're each different.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: You know, your tips are different than mine, are different than Kira's, different than the other guests that we have.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: So what are some of your tips that you give to your clients?
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: okay, so a couple of things you can add.
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: People can add to their toolbox, because I say it's a toolbox and the more tools we have, the more capable we are of being able to do the work that's needed to be done.
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: The first is to actually start to check, explore I'm going to use the word explore rather than change explore the way that you talk to yourself.
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: So is that language you use with yourself uplifting or is it depreciating?
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: And I would suggest looking to find ways of talking to yourself which comes from a place of forgiveness, from a place of encouragement and one from compassion.
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: I always say to people of encouragement and one from compassion.
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: I always say to people you know, how would you talk to your best friend?
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: How would you talk?
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: to your child, and if you wouldn't say it to one of them, don't say it to yourself.
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: So that's the first thing.
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: The second, my second tool I'd offer, is actually spending some time, dedicating some time to yourself every day, and it's not a if you've got five minutes, it's actually.
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: This five minutes is essential to my well-being and actually, you know, get intimate with yourself, get to know yourself.
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, on like a soul level.
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: What is it that your soul desires?
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: What is it that you that you believe?
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: What is it you value?
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: Because one of the parts of maturation is actually going okay, this is what I've been told by my family, by school, by society, by the church, by everybody else.
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: What is it actually that's important to me?
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: Yes, and then start exploring how you can start living these each day.
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: Yes, I love that.
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: And then dedicate time for yourself.
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: I mean, you deserve it, you deserve it.
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: And if you find yourself you saying, oh, I'm busy, I don't have time, you don't have time for you, the most important relationship with yourself, because I guess you don't have.
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: If you let's go, if you don't have time for yourself, what does that say to you about exactly your worth?
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: exactly, and, and even I mean Elizabeth our body is also so intelligent, our spirit, we are so intelligent as well our soul.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: So if you keep not finding time for you, guess what your body is going to show you one way or the other.
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: It's going to make you.
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: It's going to be like excuse, excuse me.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: So that's why it's always important we tell, we tell you know, listen to your body, listen to your body, listen to those, even listen to those emotions listen to most.
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: And that brings me.
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: Actually, there's a third one that I but that just brought up for me is remember that when we don't process the emotions, they get stuck in the body, yeah, and they will start showing themselves as discomfort, pain, illness.
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: So it's that sort of like if you, if you are experiencing, and very quickly, I know you know we're running out of time.
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: So I was diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis when I was eight.
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: It's been in and out of my life.
• 35:07
  Speaker 3: I actually now see it.
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: You know, this is one of these.
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: I see it as a blessing.
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: I manage it very well.
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: Most of the time it's good.
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: I know that if I manage my stress levels, if I exercise, if I eat mainly eating certain things or don't eat certain things I'll be good.
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: And there'll be times that I get little flare ups.
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: And if I know that I've been doing everything else that I need to be doing to stay healthy, that flare up is an indication that my pride has been dented somewhere along the way and I've not acknowledged it.
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: And the moment I can go in and I can go okay, where do I feel hurt?
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: Where do I feel a little bit embarrassed?
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: Where do I feel a little bit ashamed and I can go in and I can go.
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: Okay, where do I feel hurt, where do I feel a little bit embarrassed, where do I feel a little bit ashamed and I can sort of bring that up, or it goes.
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: So processing, you know, for physical health, processing emotions, acknowledging them, processing them, allowing them, talking about them, writing about them, allowing them to move, means that physically you're going to be able to move a lot freer and a lot better too.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: Awesome.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, elizabeth, this was such a great talk, a great episode.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: You know, kira, and I always say when we interview we started this podcast and it has become so healing for us too, you know, and we learn from every single person that we interview.
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: So thank you so much.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: We learn something every day.
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: I love the waves analogy.
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: It was amazing.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: The closet analogy was the best.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: So is there anything that you would like to, you know, leave us with?
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: Or there's something, maybe, that we didn't cover that you want to tell?
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: you know the person listening no matter what your inner voice is saying about you, no matter what criticisms it may have, no matter what good enoughs it may be trying to convince you of, you are so worth it, you are enough, and you are here in this body on this planet for a reason, and I love you.
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: I love that you're ending with this and I'm going to tell you thank you so much for tuning in.
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: Please share this episode with one friend that needs to hear.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: This rate the podcast.
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: We would love to hear from you.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much, elizabeth.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: Elizabeth, it's been a pleasure, thank you so much.
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: Denise loved it.