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235. 6 Minutes That Destroyed 10 Years: He Called Me While Cheating · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Appolgie production.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: I need your advice.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Are you okay? What happened?
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Promise it won't be too much.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Bring it in. Welcome to our Bestie segment.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: This is the place for you. Hello, and welcome back
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: to our favorite segment, well one of our favorite segments,
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: at least, our advice segment. This is where you bring
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: in anything that you're kind of going through at the
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: moment where you don't really have anywhere to turn. You
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: need a little bit of support, you need a bit
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: of sister love, you need a little bit of unsolicited
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: advice from Ashley and myself. We are going to bring
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: it in and we're going to bring it here. So
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: today is actually quite a big one, so I just
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: get stuck in here. Yeah.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: I haven't actually read this one yet, but the title
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: is called six Minutes That Destroyed ten years. You called
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: me while cheating.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: Get your popcorn, girlies.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Okay, let's go. Okay, girlies, this is going to be
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: a bit of a long one. For background, my husband
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: and I have been together for ten years now. Both
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: of us are military. He is active duty while i'm
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: processing out of the reserves. We met while active and
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: it was a whirlwin from the start. We got married
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: about a year after, had our first baby in year
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: three and our second and year four. Since then, things
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: have been a roller coaster. My boys are quite young,
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: still four and five, and their dad is a superhero,
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: which I mean, who wouldn't love that? Fast forward to
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: now my husband is on deployment. Prior to this, I
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: knew my gut that something was going to happen. Twenty
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: twenty five was almost the end of our marriage. We
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: were constantly fighting and he would either work constantly to
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: stay out of the house, or when he was home,
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: he would zone out on a video game or on
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: his phone. Resentment built hard and fast. Because I was
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: working a civilian job, taking the boys to and from school, camps, sports,
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: and everything. I was cooking all the meals, handing all
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: the weekend activities on my own, and what was supposed
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: to be a dual parent household, I felt like I
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: was living a single parent life. I remember constantly looking
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: at my husband and thinking, who is this stranger in
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: my house? This isn't who I married, this isn't my
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: best friend. What is wrong with him? The resentment kept
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: building to the point where he left for deployment last summer.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: I felt relieved. I felt so much guilt for that,
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: but it truly felt like someone took the pressure lit
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: off the house and we could all breathe again.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: And then, for some reason, I just knew during this
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: deployment he was either going to cheat on me or
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: would get a divorce because I was enjoying my life
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: so much. And that made me feel even more guilty
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: because that's my husband, my kid's superhero, and here I
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: am feeling carefree while he's deployed and might not come back.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: I lost forty two pounds in a year. I finally
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: felt like me again. And then it happened. He cheated,
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: and I was enraged. I found out because he accidentally
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: face timed me while he was having sex with a stripper.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: Wow, Oh my god, accidentally facetimed you? Are you kidding?
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever had this reaction in one
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: of these We've been texting on messenger about redoing the boys'
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: rooms and travel plans for when he got back. He
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: must have been so drunk that he accidentally hit the
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: video call button while she was on top of him.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I was in the garage doing my workout. I saw
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: the call and thought it was odd. I answered, and
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: the entire thing was right there, front and center. I've
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: never felt that level of rage. I was hyped up
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: a pre workout, and then I knew it. The feeling
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: hit me. I lost it, screaming, crying everything. Six minutes
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: went by before he realized he was on face time
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: with me. Six minutes, six minutes. As if he stayed calm,
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: he finally noticed, turned pale white and passed out. I
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: don't know, I'm laughing, but yeah, if I would pass
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: out too, being caught out like that, what do you mean?
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: I stayed on the phone until he woke up. He
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: was shaking and said, I don't even know what to say,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: and then broke down crying. And ten years, I'd only
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: ever seen this man cry once when his father passed away,
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: and now he was sobbing uncontrollably because he's been caught
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: having sex with the stripper on FaceTime and now you're crying.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Why should be the one crying?
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: Wow?
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: I just sat there frozen. Here I am holding our
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: house together, and this man sold me out for eighty
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: dollars of fun.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: I have zero issue with strip clubs. I think it's
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: incredible women have that confidence. Honestly, good for them. Oh
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: that's so high of her. I joke that I wish
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: someone could pay me to take my clothes off, since
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: I do it for free in my bathroom every day. Oh,
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: she's not a good sense of humor. But the shame
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: and anger I felt towards my husband, my best friend.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: He sold me out for eighty dollars and six minutes
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: of pleasure. Come on bust forward a few days. This
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: happened on a Sunday night. I gave us space. It's
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: hard to communicate on deployment, especially about something this serious,
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: but we met with the counselor. Virtually there's always a
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: licensed counselor on his ship, so he sat down with
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: her face timed me, and we talked for two hours.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: He owned what he did, and that's big for me.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: I mean, there's no denying it anyway, given what I saw.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: We agreed to go through services to try to get
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: back on track. But honestly, it's just not this one incident.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: It's been the entire last year. This just pushed everything
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: over the edge. Like he's been doing it for that
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: He's been doing it for a whole year. That conversation
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: was Thursday. Friday comes and he face times me again.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: He's out in town with his friends still at port,
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: and he's trashed, barely forming sentences. The disgust, I felt like,
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: are you kidding me? We just had this conversation. You
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: beg for your family back, and here you are again.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: No.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: And to make it worse, the same friends who were
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: there that night you cheated were with him again.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: Oh no.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: One of them got on FaceTime and told me I
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: was being a complete bitch and a controlling wife and
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: not letting him have fun on deployment, and that what
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: he did wasn't cheating because it was a stripper.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: What do you mean?
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: So now where number one demoralizing women for their jobs,
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: two insulting and disrespecting me, and three showing me my
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: husband is surrounded by people who do not have his
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: best interests at heart. I hung up because the kids
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: were there and their dad is their superhero and I
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: won't let adult problems shatter their innocence. Now it's a
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: week later, my husband is acting like nothing happened. This man,
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: holy Moly, messages me daily, expecting the kids and I
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: to come visit him on deployment. Before all of this,
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: we were talking about having a third child. I went
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: today and got an IUD to make sure this doesn't happen.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: But like, what the actual fuck do I do? Do
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: I throw away ten years because of a missus? Do
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: I throw ten years because we had a really rough year?
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: Because on one hand, I have zero tolerance for cheating, truly,
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: but it's not just me affected, it's our boys, who
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: both love us so much, and beyond this year, we
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: really were best friends. So do we try and work
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: through this or do I walk away? He comes home
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: this summer and I can't make a final decision until
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: them because of the legal stuff. But I cannot do
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: another year like this. I'd rather the boys and I
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: live separately and figure out custody then go through this
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: hell again. But I also feel like our marriage deserves
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: a shot until the end of the year to see
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: what happens when he's back. Does this make me naive?
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: Both in our thirties. I cannot waste my life on
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: someone who doesn't value me. So is this a mistake
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: because of all the people he's around? Or was this
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: the universe showing me the truth and telling me to
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: stop pretending everything is okay when it's not a oh
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: my goodness, wow, I'm very activated for her, tol MOI,
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: this is the universe telling you the truth. This is
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: not to blame who's around him now, this is his decision.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: He did a grown ass man. Yeah, not just once,
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: you said, doing it the whole year.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah. If it was a mistake and it happened once,
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: that's a mistake. When you do it for a year,
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: that your choice. That's a conscious choice, and that if
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: you stay, be okay that he's going to do this
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: to the rest of your life. There's what's going to
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: stop him from continuing on with this behavior and choosing
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: to betray you because he obviously doesn't think there's anything
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: wrong with it.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Gets his cake and gets to eat it too.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, And if you're okay with it too, he's also
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: going to continue doing it because you're enabling the behavior
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: if you choose to stay and forgive him for what
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: he did.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And also he can still be the kid's superheroes
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: whether you're together or not. That doesn't change their relationship.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: You're not going to stop them from seeing each other. Yeah,
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: when he is home, But like you deserve so much
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: more than that. If your girlfriend was going through this,
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: what would you tell her? Would you tell her to stay?
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: And it's just as friends encouraging it. No, no, and
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: even the fact a week later he got drunk again
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: with those same friends and then just access this. Nothing's wrong.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: He's just trying to sweep this and like dismiss how
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: you feel like he's made his bed. He's got a
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: lie it now and actually, like your nervous system and
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: the trust that needs to be rebuilt, like that is
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: half his responsibility because he's caused all of this pains.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: It's like the emotional wounds he's caused, he's got to
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: help to heal them now. And it's one thing for
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: somebody to sit there and be like I want my
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: family back and I'm going to beg and plead and
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: all these things. But if his behavior stays the same,
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: he doesn't mean that. It's literally just a lot of
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: this and I'm doing a talking motion with your hand.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: It's a lot of this, not a lot of doing.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: Because when somebody is actually accountable for their actions, they
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: change everything about what they did and how they fucked
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: up and own their mistake not only through words, but
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: through accountability and different story. If it's accountability, I just.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: I don't are nothing.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: I get empty and one hundred like I've never been
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: in this situation before, so I can only say what
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: I think that I would say, or what I would
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: say to Ashi. But with that level of betrayal for
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: that long, I would tell Ashi to walk away. I'm
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: going to telling you to walk away, And I get
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: you don't want to throw your life away, but I
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: don't think that could have handled that level of betrayal
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: for that long.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I think you're staying with him, Yeah, like your level
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: of self respect gone, your confidence gone, or your trust
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: gone one.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: Hundred percent, Yeah, it is gone. And the fact that
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: this will be something you will have to work at
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: every single stage, that this will be something that stays
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: with you forever. You're never fully going to be able
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: to get that trust back for him because of what
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: he's done, because there's going to be a part of
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: your brain that always thinks he's doing something wrong. When
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: he's on deployment, he's doing something wrong. What if he's
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: with another stripper, What if he's with the same stripper,
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: What if he's doing this with other women? What if
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: he's doing with this with friends, like it's going to
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: be something that eats away at you. And what that
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: does to your self worth and your self esteem is
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: that it says, going to be.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: None nervous system.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: There's going to be none. And also like the way
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: that I look at this is I think about in
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: situations like this, who would I want to be for
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: my children? Who do I want to model? I don't
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: have children yet, so take this with a grain of salt.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: But who do I want to model for my children?
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: And if you model even though they don't know about it,
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: that you enable cheating. Even though you say it's very
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: against your values, You're going against the very thing that
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: you say you value. And you're also teaching them by
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: proxy that it's okay what he did.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: And you literally said it yourself. When he left, you
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: felt like yourself again. You felt like you could breathe again.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: Imagine when he comes back. You don't think your kid's
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: going to see how mny changes are, your energy changes,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: how upset you are, how on edge you are. They
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: see all of it. They might not know how to
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: communicate it, but they feel it. It'll come out in
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: their behaviors. It'll come out with their adults.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: It's not good. I just feel I feel for you
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: because I don't think that there's anything wrong with being
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: in the headspace that you're being in, because you're a
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: human and you're thinking of all of the options, and
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: you're thinking about not just yourself as well, you're trying
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: to take any consideration the kids too.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: And the history that's there. I totally get that, absolutely,
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: quote unquote throw it away.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: But also, this is the hard thing, Like, this is
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: the hard decision that you have to make or that
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: you get to make when you want to honor the
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: life that you want to live, what you value and
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: what's actually really important to you at the end of
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: the day, Like, do you genuinely think that you'd be
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: okay living with the fact that you know your partner
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: may be going and cheating on you with more multiple
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: strippers time and time again for the rest of your life.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: I can almost guarantee if he's to come back and
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: you guys are to be intimate. Could be wrong, but
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: I'm guessing nine out of ten times, your body's not
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: going to feel soft and safe to open up to him.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: You're actually going to feel icked. You're going to have
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: visual memories of that phone call that ain't going away.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: And then what happens every time you have sex. Your
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: body's going to reject him. Yeah, you're going to close up,
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: You're not going to be feel open. You're going to
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: want to make excuses. You're going to think about the
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: visual image that you actually saw of her on top
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: of him. Oh my god, I can't the fact that
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: you It's one thing to be cheated on, it's another
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: thing to see it.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: And I know too, if you guys ever in your
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: situation too, and I chose to stay, you're choosing a
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: leve level of suffering. But two, I know that I
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: couldn't let it go, and I know I would continue
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: to punish my husband. I would always bring it back.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: I would throw it in his face. And that in
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: itself is a reason for me to leave because I
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: don't want to live like that. I don't want my
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: kids seeing me doing that. I don't want to always
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: punish my ex husband either, because it's just not good
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: for anyone's right. Like he wants to go and live
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: that life, Like, go and live your life. I'm going
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: to do my life very differently. Yeah, And you wouldn't
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: do that teim, So you deserve someone that's not going
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: to do that to you. I would be walking away. Yeah,
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: And if Tiana was in this, I'd probably be dragging
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: her by the hair she would making her away from that,
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: No fucking way. I'll be sitting on the sideline, ever
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: encouraging her to stay.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: No, absolutely not.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Likewise, yeah, oh my gosh. It's one of those
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: things that you can't sit by and watch happen because
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: it's just so far beyond a mistake. It's not a mistake.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: The fact that it's a choice. Oh yeah, it is
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: not a choice even it's like a personality trait. It's
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: a personality that's something that he sees as actually okay,
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: because for you to consistently do something for a year,
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: is you going there's actually nothing wrong with the behavior
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: that I'm choosing. So a part that shows you his values,
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: that shows you the man that you're seeing in front
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: of you. And I think it is really easy to
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: look in the very beginning of relationship and go, oh
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: my gosh, I just wish for it to be the
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: way that it was, because we hold onto that, especially
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: as women, we've experienced good and we want to go
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: back there. Yeah, but when somebody is showing you who
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: they are time and time again, we have to believe
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: them definitely.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: Whether you stay or you go. Either way is going
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: to be hard. It's like we've said there's multi times
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: on the podcast, but it's just something I always go back to.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: It's choose your suffering.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: Both, it's going to be really hard, but almost too.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: I think it's going to be harder for you to
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: stay because you when you left, you felt free, you
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: lost all this way you're enjoying yourself. You felt like
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: you could breathe again, like you can do solo parenting.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: And the longer you stay connected with him, like, the
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: quickier you close off from him, I just don't want
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: to say. Two, you're in your thirties, But the quicker
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: you close off to this relationship, then you're open to
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: meeting someone who's more aligned to respects you the way
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: you respect them. And you said, you're in your thirties, girl,
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: you're so young. Thirties, that's amazing. My mom met her
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: now partner she's been with for nearly ten years, at
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: like forty seven or something, and she's happier than as
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: she's ever been took three marriages later, but she's here. Yeah,
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: Like she never thought she'd be able to start again,
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: and she at forty seven, she's happier than she ever
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: has been for the last ten years. And that's so beautiful.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: Like you were never too old to find love. Yeah,
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: You've still got more than double your life to go.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And you know you mentioned like you don't really
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: want to be solid parenting, but you are.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: You are, You are.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: Already doing it. You even said it yourself in your
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: own words that it feels like you are living a
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: single parent life, in which means you already know how
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: to do it. Yeah, you already have adjusted to the
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: workload of what I can be. Like, it's just actually
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: making the decision for what is right for you in
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: the kids long term. And this isn't a I'm thinking
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: for me in this moment. This is a how do
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: I want to live in a year's time? Who do
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: I want to be, how do I want to feel?
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: What is my life going to look like in five
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: years time? What's my life going to look like? And
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: how am I going to be as a mother When
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: my children are ten, fifteen, twenty years old and they
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: start to asking questions.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: I don't think you can see yourself being happy with
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: this man forever. That's what I was going to say too,
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: is I haven't cheated before, but I imagine because we
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: had a friend of a friend or a friend when
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: going to the juicy details, but that her partner was
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: having affairs and cheating with escorts and everything, and it
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: went on so long, and I remember us talking about
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: this being like, I wonder if a cheater once they
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: do it once, it's like, oh my god, the guilt,
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: the shame, da da dah. And they do it second time,
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: the third time. By the tenth time, it's kind of
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: a bit normal wise, thet's not the bad. I wonder
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: if they get in that mindset. I I've already done
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: it once or twice, Like, what's the end of time,
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: I've done it for a year, one we'll keep going,
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: Like how do they just stop? I wonder if it
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: becomes normalized, So for him to be doing it a year,
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: what do you just continue on? Because he doesn't think
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: it's that bad? So if you stay, you're saying I'm
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: okay with you doing that. You might say you're not.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: But if you still stick around with him, I just
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: feel like he gets that message. But even if you've
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: not saying that's right. No, I don't know.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: He said, like, when you stay, you enable. Yeah, because
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: even you can say all the things, and you can
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: fight and argue and say you did this and you
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: hurt me, but you stay.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: So what they take that as is, oh, it mustn't
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: be that bad. Yes, but she's still here, she hasn't left,
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: and then that's okay. Cool, Maybe it's not so bad.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: Maybe I can get over a couple more times. I
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: wonder if they even tell themselves that I'll just do
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: it one more time. I've already been called I'm just
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: gonna have one last little bang.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Interesting.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: And then I'm out with my friends and I'm drunk,
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: and now that conscious part of my brains. Oh yeah,
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: let's have some fun, go the ship club, and what
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: do you know, Dick slipped in my tip upsy. Oh sorry,
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: she was just on top, and he just started writing
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: me she just under my pants and I don't even
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: remember because I was so drunk. Stop drinking, stop going out.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: So being around those people, Yeah, take responsibility for your life,
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: and look what you're doing to your wife. No, it's
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: not a mistake. This is a choice.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: It's made over and over again. The universe is showing
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: you the truth, my love.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: Definitely, we're telling you the truth.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: I'm sure all your friends are pay attention. Yeah, it's
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: sometimes really really hard to hear, and sometimes maybe this
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: is not also what you want to hear. But the
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: heart of you, deep down knows that it is already
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: knows and that's okay. Yeah, in your own time.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: And we're here for you too. This is oppositely anonymous.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: We have no idea who you are. But if you
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: ever wanted to slide into a DMS and just have
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: a girlfriends talk to, we're here too.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely, And imagine going through that.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: And I can't imagine watching, like like a best friend
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: go through that, Like this breaks my heart, what you've
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: been through.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: It would just be so much.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: To hold the visual I can't unseachless.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't unsee.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: That fucking speaks, Just like, what are the chances of
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: him bumping the phone? Like the universe had your back
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: and one really weird way, really weird way, but also
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: means it. He can't deny him.
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: Maybe if you hadn't seen it, you wouldn't have believed
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: it exactly. The universe was pushing you to the point
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: of actually visually being able to see it so that
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: it was undeniable proof that this is what was happening,
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: because you even said it yourself that you had a
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: gut feeling that he was going to cheat.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you knew.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: They've obviously been signs way before that even happened. If
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: something was wrong, right, people cheap because there are cracks
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: in a relationship.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: You must have known. My God, that's so true. But
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: to visually see it, you can't unsee that. Yeah, that's
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: like stained in your brain.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: Loss of healing work. My love.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: Definitely need a lot of support around you, and also
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: like you've got this, Like you said, you're single parenting.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: You've shown yourself you can do it. You can breathe
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: when he's not there. You can be a mama and
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: put yourself as a priority, just as like you'd want
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: your kids to. You can do hard things. Definitely, you
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: already have, Yeah, to endure what you've enduring and you
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: come out the other side. You got this absolutely. Yeah,
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: thanks for joining us, and our dams are always open
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: if you would like to submit your anonymousubmission and have
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: some best to your advice. Then we'll leave a link
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: in the description box below. Thanks for joining us, See
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: you next week.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: Hi girls, I