Latest / Starting Over: Stories of Reinvention, Hope & Second Chances / How to Forgive Yourself for a Mistake Made Years Ago | Starting Over
Transcript
- You’re still carrying that stone in your pocket, aren’t you? The one you picked up ten years ago and have been dragging through every single day since. Let’s get real for a second. I want you to close your eyes if you can, just for a moment. Think about that one thing. Not a small mistake, not a typo in an email or a burnt dinner. I mean the big one. The decision you made when you were younger, maybe even naive, that changed the trajectory of your life in a way you never wanted. Maybe it was a relationship you let go because you were scared. Maybe it was a career path you chose out of obligation instead of passion. Or maybe it was something simpler, like words you said in anger that can never be taken back. You know exactly what I’m talking about. It sits in your chest like a heavy stone. And every time you think about your future, that stone is there, anchoring you to a version of yourself you no longer recognize. We talk a lot on this show about starting over, about finding the courage to walk out of rooms that no longer serve us. But we rarely talk about the hardest room to walk out of: the courtroom of your own mind. Where you are both the judge and the defendant, and the sentence feels like it lasts forever. Here is the truth that hurts but also heals: you are judging your past self with your current wisdom. That is simply not fair. When you look back at that mistake, you are seeing it through the lens of who you are today. You have had years of learning, of crying, of growing, of stumbling and getting back up. But that younger version of you? She didn’t have that map. She was operating with limited information, limited emotional tools, and probably a whole lot of fear. Imagine if you met that younger you on the street right now. Would you yell at her? Would you tell her she’s broken? Or would you take her hand and say, 'I know you’re scared, but you did the best you could with what you knew'? Forgiveness isn’t about saying what you did was okay. It’s about acknowledging that you were human. You were trying to survive, to fit in, to love, to succeed. You were doing the best you could with the resources you had at the time. To punish yourself now is to deny the growth that has happened since then. It’s to ignore the miles you’ve walked. We live in a culture that is obsessed with the highlight reel. We scroll through lives that look polished, perfect, and seamless. And in that silence between posts, we whisper our secrets to the dark. But let me tell you a secret from my own messy journal: everyone is making mistakes. Everyone. The woman who seems to have it all together? She probably made a huge error five years ago that she’s still working through. The man who inspires you with his resilience? He has a graveyard of failed projects and bad decisions buried under his success. We are not designed to be perfect. We are designed to be curious. We are designed to learn. When we hold onto shame, we stop being curious. We stop asking questions. We stop growing. Shame is a static emotion. It keeps you frozen in place. It tells you that you are defined by your worst moment. But that is a lie. Your worth is not tied to your productivity, your relationships, or your past errors. Your worth is inherent. It is yours simply because you exist. Letting go of the need to be perfect is the first step toward letting go of the guilt. It’s terrifying, I know. It feels like if you drop the stone, you might disappear. But I promise you, you won’t. You’ll actually become more real. So how do we actually do this? How do we move the stone from our pocket to the ground where it belongs? It starts with rewriting the narrative. For years, you’ve been telling yourself a story: 'I am the person who ruined everything.' Try changing that script. Try telling yourself: 'I am the person who learned from everything.' See the difference? One story leaves you helpless. The other gives you agency. This mistake you’re carrying? It wasn’t just a failure. It was a teacher. It taught you what you don’t want. It taught you where your boundaries are. It taught you how much you value honesty, or safety, or joy. Without that mistake, you wouldn’t be the person sitting here listening to this voice right now. You wouldn’t have the empathy you have. You wouldn’t have the depth you have. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Suffering is what we add on top of the pain by refusing to accept it. By refusing to forgive ourselves. We have to choose to accept the past, not because we like it, but because it’s true. And once we accept it, we can begin to integrate it into our story as a chapter, not the whole book. Sometimes, words aren’t enough. Sometimes, you need a ritual. A physical act to match the internal shift. I want you to try something simple this week. Write down that mistake. All of it. Don’t censor yourself. Get it all out on paper. Then, read it aloud to yourself. Hear your own voice saying those words. And then, speak to yourself as you would speak to your dearest friend. Say, 'It’s okay. I forgive you. We are moving forward.' Then, tear up the paper. Burn it if you can do so safely. Bury it. Throw it away. Do whatever it takes to physically separate yourself from the weight of it. This isn’t magic. It’s psychology. It signals to your brain that the debt is paid. The lesson is learned. The chapter is closed. You don’t need to remember every detail. You just need to remember the lesson. And then, you need to trust yourself to handle whatever comes next. You have survived 100% of your bad days so far. You can survive this feeling, too. In fact, you’re already surviving it by listening, by wanting to change, by seeking hope. That is proof enough. Welcome back to the beautiful chaos. Because that’s what life is. It’s messy, unpredictable, and often painful. But it’s also full of redemption. Every sunrise is a chance to start again. Every breath is a new opportunity to choose kindness, especially toward yourself. You don’t have to carry that stone anymore. Put it down. Feel the lightness in your shoulders. Feel the air in your lungs. You are free. Not because the past changes, but because you do. You are allowed to make mistakes. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to leave the room you’ve been stuck in. And you are absolutely, undeniably allowed to forgive yourself. It’s not a sign of weakness. It’s the strongest thing you will ever do. So take a deep breath. Look in the mirror. Look at the person staring back at you. She’s been through hell. And she’s still here. Still standing. Still breathing. Still capable of love. That is worth celebrating. That is worth forgiving. That is worth living for. Let’s get real for a second: you are enough. Exactly as you are. Right now. Today. With all your scars and your stories and your beautiful, messy heart. Thank you for letting me into your space today. I’m rooting for you, always. Until next time, keep walking, keep growing, and be gentle with yourself. Bye for now.