Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 261: Navigating the Chaos: Understanding Trauma Bonds and Narcissistic Relationships: Guest Bre Wolta

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E 261: Navigating the Chaos: Understanding Trauma Bonds and Narcissistic Relationships: Guest Bre Wolta · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:47
  Well,
• 0:47
  hello,
• 0:47
  everybody,
• 0:48
  and
• 0:48
  welcome
• 0:48
  back
• 0:48
  to
• 0:49
  another
• 0:49
  episode
• 0:49
  of
• 0:49
  Adult
• 0:50
  Child
• 0:50
  of
• 0:50
  Dysfunction.
• 0:51
  Today
• 0:51
  we
• 0:51
  have
• 0:51
  with
• 0:52
  us
• 0:52
  a
• 0:52
  return
• 0:53
  guest.
• 0:53
  So
• 0:53
  this
• 0:54
  is
• 0:54
  super
• 0:54
  fun.
• 0:55
  We
• 0:55
  have
• 0:55
  Bre
• 0:55
  Waltas
• 0:56
  Eft
• 0:57
  and
• 0:57
  the
• 0:57
  Clearing
• 0:58
  Work
• 0:58
  Certified
• 0:59
  Practitioner.
• 1:00
  She's
• 1:00
  a
• 1:00
  relationship
• 1:01
  clarity
• 1:01
  coach
• 1:01
  who
• 1:02
  is
• 1:02
  passionate
• 1:03
  about
• 1:03
  helping
• 1:04
  women
• 1:04
  heal
• 1:04
  from
• 1:04
  the
• 1:05
  mindfuck
• 1:05
  of
• 1:05
  confusing
• 1:06
  relationships
• 1:07
  so
• 1:07
  that
• 1:07
  they
• 1:08
  can
• 1:08
  become
• 1:08
  the
• 1:08
  confident
• 1:09
  and
• 1:09
  secure
• 1:09
  women
• 1:10
  they
• 1:10
  want
• 1:10
  to
• 1:10
  be.
• 1:11
  Bri's
• 1:11
  own
• 1:12
  toxic
• 1:12
  relationship
• 1:13
  healing
• 1:13
  journey
• 1:13
  and
• 1:14
  her
• 1:14
  ability
• 1:14
  to
• 1:14
  hold
• 1:15
  safe
• 1:15
  space
• 1:15
  allows
• 1:16
  her
• 1:16
  to
• 1:16
  walk
• 1:16
  alongside
• 1:17
  clients
• 1:17
  as
• 1:18
  they
• 1:18
  find
• 1:18
  clarity
• 1:19
  and
• 1:19
  trust
• 1:19
  within
• 1:20
  themselves.
• 1:21
  And
• 1:21
  she
• 1:21
  wrote
• 1:21
  that
• 1:21
  I
• 1:22
  didn't.
• 1:22
  So
• 1:22
  if
• 1:22
  you
• 1:22
  don't
• 1:22
  like
• 1:23
  the
• 1:23
  F
• 1:23
  word,
• 1:23
  that's
• 1:24
  too
• 1:24
  bad.
• 1:26
  So
• 1:26
  welcome
• 1:27
  back,
• 1:27
  Bri.
• 1:28
  Thank
• 1:29
  you,
• 1:29
  Tammy.
• 1:29
  It's
• 1:29
  so
• 1:29
  good
• 1:30
  to
• 1:30
  be
• 1:30
  back
• 1:30
  with
• 1:30
  you.
• 1:31
  Yes.
• 1:31
  And
• 1:31
  I've
• 1:32
  been
• 1:32
  on
• 1:32
  your
• 1:32
  podcast,
• 1:32
  so
• 1:33
  it
• 1:33
  seems
• 1:33
  like
• 1:33
  this
• 1:33
  is
• 1:33
  a
• 1:34
  third
• 1:34
  go
• 1:34
  around,
• 1:34
  but
• 1:34
  we
• 1:35
  had
• 1:35
  a
• 1:35
  lot
• 1:35
  to
• 1:35
  talk
• 1:35
  about
• 1:36
  and
• 1:36
  I
• 1:36
  actually
• 1:36
  went
• 1:37
  back.
• 1:37
  So
• 1:38
  people
• 1:38
  that
• 1:38
  want
• 1:38
  to
• 1:39
  hear
• 1:39
  the
• 1:39
  first
• 1:39
  episode
• 1:40
  that
• 1:40
  we
• 1:40
  did,
• 1:40
  it
• 1:40
  was
• 1:41
  back
• 1:41
  in
• 1:41
  August
• 1:42
  of
• 1:42
  24,
• 1:43
  so
• 1:43
  a
• 1:43
  little
• 1:43
  over
• 1:43
  a
• 1:43
  year
• 1:43
  and
• 1:44
  a
• 1:44
  half,
• 1:44
  about
• 1:44
  a
• 1:44
  year
• 1:44
  and
• 1:44
  a
• 1:44
  half
• 1:45
  ago.
• 1:45
  And
• 1:46
  it
• 1:46
  was
• 1:46
  episode
• 1:47
  89,
• 1:47
  if
• 1:48
  you're
• 1:48
  looking
• 1:48
  for
• 1:48
  it.
• 1:49
  But
• 1:49
  we
• 1:49
  talked
• 1:50
  about
• 1:50
  absolutely
• 1:51
  everything.
• 1:52
  So
• 1:52
  that's.
• 1:52
  I
• 1:52
  wanted
• 1:53
  to
• 1:53
  have
• 1:53
  you
• 1:53
  back
• 1:53
  on
• 1:53
  because
• 1:54
  we
• 1:54
  covered
• 1:54
  so
• 1:54
  many
• 1:55
  different
• 1:55
  topics.
• 1:55
  And
• 1:56
  you
• 1:56
  actually
• 1:56
  pointed
• 1:57
  out
• 1:57
  to
• 1:57
  me
• 1:58
  right
• 1:58
  before
• 1:59
  we
• 1:59
  came
• 1:59
  on
• 1:59
  here
• 1:59
  today
• 2:00
  that
• 2:00
  you
• 2:01
  wanted.
• 2:01
  You
• 2:01
  had
• 2:01
  some
• 2:02
  stuff
• 2:02
  going
• 2:02
  on
• 2:02
  in
• 2:02
  your
• 2:02
  mind
• 2:03
  thinking
• 2:03
  about
• 2:03
  just
• 2:04
  the
• 2:04
  way
• 2:04
  things
• 2:04
  are.
• 2:05
  I
• 2:05
  know
• 2:06
  with
• 2:06
  your
• 2:06
  past
• 2:07
  you
• 2:08
  had
• 2:08
  two
• 2:09
  parents,
• 2:09
  correct
• 2:10
  me
• 2:10
  if
• 2:10
  I'm
• 2:10
  wrong,
• 2:10
  that
• 2:11
  did
• 2:11
  suffer
• 2:11
  from
• 2:11
  addiction.
• 2:13
  I
• 2:14
  had
• 2:14
  parents
• 2:14
  who.
• 2:15
  Who
• 2:16
  were
• 2:16
  on
• 2:16
  again,
• 2:16
  off
• 2:16
  again,
• 2:17
  and
• 2:17
  a
• 2:18
  family
• 2:18
  member
• 2:19
  who
• 2:19
  suffered
• 2:19
  with
• 2:19
  addiction
• 2:20
  lived
• 2:20
  in
• 2:20
  our
• 2:20
  house.
• 2:21
  Yeah.
• 2:21
  Okay.
• 2:22
  So
• 2:22
  wrong
• 2:23
  and
• 2:23
  right.
• 2:23
  Like,
• 2:23
  no,
• 2:24
  I
• 2:24
  got.
• 2:24
  Got
• 2:24
  part
• 2:25
  of
• 2:25
  the
• 2:25
  story.
• 2:25
  Right.
• 2:26
  That's
• 2:26
  right.
• 2:26
  Your
• 2:26
  parents.
• 2:27
  That's
• 2:27
  right.
• 2:27
  They
• 2:27
  said
• 2:28
  that
• 2:28
  for
• 2:28
  the
• 2:28
  better
• 2:28
  of
• 2:29
  the
• 2:29
  child,
• 2:29
  they
• 2:29
  were
• 2:29
  going
• 2:30
  to
• 2:30
  live
• 2:30
  together
• 2:30
  and
• 2:31
  they
• 2:31
  ended
• 2:31
  up
• 2:31
  like,
• 2:32
  splitting
• 2:32
  and
• 2:32
  getting
• 2:32
  back
• 2:32
  together.
• 2:33
  What
• 2:33
  did
• 2:33
  you
• 2:33
  say,
• 2:34
  five
• 2:34
  to
• 2:34
  seven
• 2:34
  times
• 2:34
  or
• 2:35
  something?
• 2:35
  Yeah,
• 2:36
  yeah,
• 2:36
  several.
• 2:36
  Several
• 2:37
  times.
• 2:37
  So
• 2:38
  there
• 2:38
  was
• 2:38
  chaos
• 2:38
  with
• 2:39
  the
• 2:39
  addiction
• 2:39
  and
• 2:39
  chaos
• 2:40
  with
• 2:40
  the.
• 2:40
  With
• 2:40
  the
• 2:41
  back
• 2:41
  and
• 2:41
  the
• 2:41
  fourth
• 2:41
  and
• 2:41
  the.
• 2:42
  Just
• 2:42
  the
• 2:43
  instability
• 2:43
  that
• 2:44
  came
• 2:44
  with
• 2:44
  that.
• 2:45
  Okay,
• 2:45
  perfect.
• 2:46
  So
• 2:47
  when
• 2:47
  we.
• 2:48
  And
• 2:48
  for
• 2:48
  the
• 2:48
  listeners
• 2:49
  out
• 2:49
  there,
• 2:50
  the
• 2:50
  term
• 2:50
  ACA
• 2:51
  used
• 2:52
  to
• 2:52
  be
• 2:52
  literally
• 2:53
  adult
• 2:53
  children
• 2:54
  of
• 2:54
  alcoholics.
• 2:55
  And
• 2:55
  they
• 2:55
  have
• 2:55
  now
• 2:55
  kind
• 2:56
  of
• 2:56
  pre.
• 2:56
  Coined
• 2:57
  that
• 2:57
  term.
• 2:57
  And
• 2:58
  now
• 2:58
  it
• 2:58
  is
• 2:58
  adult
• 2:58
  children
• 2:59
  of
• 2:59
  alcoholics
• 2:59
  and
• 3:00
  dysfunctional
• 3:00
  families.
• 3:01
  And
• 3:01
  we've
• 3:02
  mentioned
• 3:02
  several
• 3:02
  times
• 3:03
  on
• 3:03
  here
• 3:03
  that
• 3:03
  it
• 3:03
  doesn't
• 3:04
  matter
• 3:04
  the
• 3:04
  defunct
• 3:05
  the
• 3:05
  dysfunction,
• 3:06
  whether
• 3:06
  it's
• 3:08
  a
• 3:09
  divorce
• 3:09
  or
• 3:10
  six
• 3:10
  divorces
• 3:11
  or
• 3:12
  a
• 3:12
  drug
• 3:12
  addiction
• 3:13
  or
• 3:13
  homelessness
• 3:14
  or
• 3:14
  joblessness,
• 3:15
  whatever
• 3:15
  it
• 3:15
  is.
• 3:15
  It
• 3:15
  has
• 3:16
  kind
• 3:16
  of
• 3:16
  the
• 3:16
  same
• 3:17
  lasting
• 3:17
  effects.
• 3:18
  But
• 3:18
  I
• 3:19
  want
• 3:19
  to
• 3:19
  jump
• 3:19
  right
• 3:20
  in
• 3:20
  and
• 3:20
  let's
• 3:21
  talk
• 3:21
  about
• 3:22
  those
• 3:22
  lasting
• 3:23
  effects
• 3:23
  and
• 3:24
  those
• 3:24
  mindset
• 3:24
  blocks
• 3:25
  and
• 3:25
  those
• 3:25
  kind
• 3:26
  of
• 3:26
  rewiring
• 3:26
  traits
• 3:27
  that,
• 3:27
  that
• 3:27
  happen
• 3:27
  to
• 3:28
  adult
• 3:28
  children
• 3:28
  of
• 3:29
  dysfunctional
• 3:29
  families
• 3:30
  and
• 3:30
  how
• 3:31
  it
• 3:31
  makes
• 3:31
  us
• 3:32
  attract
• 3:32
  or
• 3:33
  enables
• 3:33
  us
• 3:33
  to
• 3:34
  attract
• 3:34
  the
• 3:35
  wrong
• 3:35
  people.
• 3:36
  Yes,
• 3:37
  yes,
• 3:38
  I'm
• 3:39
  sure
• 3:39
  there
• 3:39
  are
• 3:39
  many.
• 3:40
  But
• 3:40
  the,
• 3:40
  the
• 3:40
  one
• 3:41
  that
• 3:41
  I've
• 3:41
  really
• 3:41
  been
• 3:41
  sitting
• 3:42
  with
• 3:42
  and
• 3:42
  thinking
• 3:42
  about
• 3:43
  being,
• 3:44
  being
• 3:44
  an
• 3:45
  ACA
• 3:45
  member
• 3:46
  myself
• 3:46
  and
• 3:47
  having
• 3:47
  been
• 3:47
  in
• 3:47
  a
• 3:47
  narcissistic
• 3:48
  relationship,
• 3:50
  I
• 3:50
  really
• 3:50
  have
• 3:50
  been
• 3:51
  just
• 3:51
  like
• 3:51
  noodling
• 3:52
  on
• 3:52
  this.
• 3:52
  Of
• 3:53
  what
• 3:53
  is
• 3:53
  the,
• 3:54
  what
• 3:54
  is
• 3:54
  the
• 3:54
  thing
• 3:55
  that
• 3:56
  was
• 3:56
  established
• 3:57
  in
• 3:58
  younger
• 3:58
  years
• 3:59
  that
• 3:59
  helped
• 3:59
  me
• 4:01
  attract
• 4:01
  that
• 4:01
  type
• 4:01
  of
• 4:02
  person
• 4:02
  and
• 4:02
  sustain
• 4:03
  in
• 4:03
  a
• 4:03
  relationship
• 4:04
  where
• 4:05
  it
• 4:05
  was
• 4:05
  not
• 4:05
  an
• 4:05
  equal
• 4:06
  give
• 4:06
  and
• 4:06
  take
• 4:07
  when
• 4:07
  it
• 4:08
  started
• 4:08
  to
• 4:08
  go
• 4:09
  from
• 4:09
  the
• 4:09
  love
• 4:09
  bombing
• 4:09
  stage
• 4:10
  into
• 4:10
  things
• 4:11
  that
• 4:11
  weren't
• 4:11
  so
• 4:11
  pleasant.
• 4:12
  And
• 4:13
  I
• 4:13
  think
• 4:14
  a
• 4:14
  big
• 4:14
  part
• 4:14
  of
• 4:14
  it
• 4:15
  is
• 4:15
  that
• 4:16
  growing
• 4:16
  up
• 4:17
  in
• 4:17
  families
• 4:17
  of
• 4:17
  dysfunction
• 4:18
  or
• 4:18
  addiction
• 4:19
  or
• 4:19
  any
• 4:19
  type
• 4:19
  of
• 4:19
  diet
• 4:20
  dysfunction,
• 4:20
  as
• 4:20
  you
• 4:20
  just
• 4:20
  mentioned,
• 4:22
  we,
• 4:22
  we
• 4:23
  as
• 4:23
  the
• 4:23
  person
• 4:23
  who's
• 4:24
  in
• 4:24
  that
• 4:24
  system
• 4:25
  don't
• 4:25
  really
• 4:25
  have
• 4:26
  a
• 4:26
  great
• 4:26
  opportunity
• 4:27
  to
• 4:27
  create
• 4:27
  a
• 4:28
  sense
• 4:28
  of
• 4:28
  self.
• 4:29
  So
• 4:30
  we
• 4:30
  become
• 4:31
  other
• 4:31
  focused.
• 4:32
  Meaning
• 4:33
  I'm
• 4:33
  trying
• 4:33
  to
• 4:34
  figure
• 4:34
  them
• 4:34
  out,
• 4:34
  I'm
• 4:35
  trying
• 4:35
  to
• 4:35
  fix
• 4:35
  them.
• 4:36
  Because
• 4:36
  if
• 4:36
  I
• 4:37
  fix
• 4:37
  them
• 4:37
  or
• 4:38
  fix
• 4:38
  what's
• 4:38
  happening
• 4:39
  in
• 4:39
  the
• 4:39
  environment,
• 4:40
  then
• 4:40
  I
• 4:40
  can
• 4:40
  be
• 4:41
  safe.
• 4:41
  Right.
• 4:42
  And
• 4:42
  from
• 4:43
  an
• 4:43
  early
• 4:44
  year,
• 4:44
  like
• 4:44
  early
• 4:45
  years
• 4:45
  when
• 4:45
  we
• 4:46
  are
• 4:46
  so
• 4:46
  other
• 4:46
  focused,
• 4:48
  there's
• 4:48
  not,
• 4:49
  there's
• 4:49
  not
• 4:50
  a
• 4:50
  safety
• 4:51
  to
• 4:51
  turn
• 4:51
  that
• 4:51
  attention
• 4:52
  inward
• 4:53
  because
• 4:53
  our
• 4:54
  circumstances
• 4:55
  don't
• 4:55
  feel
• 4:55
  safe
• 4:56
  and
• 4:56
  we're
• 4:56
  trying
• 4:56
  to
• 4:57
  change
• 4:58
  the
• 4:58
  circumstances
• 4:58
  in
• 4:59
  order
• 4:59
  to
• 4:59
  feel
• 4:59
  safe.
• 5:01
  Makes
• 5:02
  100%.
• 5:03
  Yeah.
• 5:04
  And
• 5:05
  as
• 5:05
  kids
• 5:06
  we're
• 5:07
  very
• 5:07
  dependent
• 5:07
  on
• 5:08
  the
• 5:08
  people
• 5:08
  who
• 5:08
  are
• 5:09
  raising
• 5:09
  us.
• 5:10
  So
• 5:11
  our
• 5:11
  energy,
• 5:12
  our
• 5:12
  survival
• 5:12
  energy
• 5:13
  is
• 5:13
  literally
• 5:13
  going
• 5:14
  towards
• 5:15
  how
• 5:15
  do
• 5:15
  I
• 5:16
  keep
• 5:16
  this
• 5:16
  connection,
• 5:17
  how
• 5:17
  do
• 5:17
  I
• 5:17
  keep
• 5:18
  this
• 5:18
  closeness
• 5:18
  with
• 5:18
  this
• 5:19
  person
• 5:19
  or
• 5:20
  keep
• 5:20
  this
• 5:21
  closeness
• 5:21
  within
• 5:21
  this
• 5:21
  system
• 5:22
  that
• 5:22
  feels
• 5:22
  really
• 5:22
  scary
• 5:23
  and
• 5:23
  that
• 5:24
  becomes
• 5:24
  the
• 5:24
  priority.
• 5:25
  We
• 5:25
  don't
• 5:26
  actually
• 5:26
  go
• 5:26
  through,
• 5:27
  in
• 5:27
  my
• 5:27
  opinion,
• 5:28
  I
• 5:28
  believe
• 5:28
  we
• 5:28
  don't
• 5:28
  actually
• 5:29
  go
• 5:29
  through
• 5:29
  the
• 5:29
  stages
• 5:30
  of
• 5:30
  like
• 5:31
  developing
• 5:31
  a
• 5:32
  self
• 5:32
  separate
• 5:33
  from
• 5:33
  somebody
• 5:33
  else.
• 5:34
  No,
• 5:35
  it
• 5:35
  makes
• 5:35
  sense
• 5:35
  because
• 5:36
  especially
• 5:36
  your
• 5:36
  parents.
• 5:37
  I
• 5:37
  mean
• 5:37
  just
• 5:37
  looking
• 5:38
  at
• 5:38
  moms,
• 5:38
  moms
• 5:39
  and
• 5:39
  daughters,
• 5:39
  moms
• 5:39
  and
• 5:40
  sons,
• 5:40
  whatever
• 5:40
  it
• 5:40
  is
• 5:41
  that
• 5:41
  is
• 5:41
  your
• 5:41
  goal,
• 5:42
  your
• 5:42
  brain
• 5:42
  is
• 5:42
  not
• 5:43
  going
• 5:43
  to
• 5:43
  let
• 5:43
  you
• 5:43
  believe
• 5:44
  that,
• 5:44
  that
• 5:45
  that
• 5:45
  person
• 5:45
  who
• 5:45
  are
• 5:45
  you
• 5:46
  are
• 5:46
  100%
• 5:47
  dependent
• 5:47
  on
• 5:48
  for
• 5:48
  pretty
• 5:48
  much
• 5:48
  everything
• 5:49
  that
• 5:49
  that
• 5:49
  person
• 5:50
  is
• 5:50
  wrong.
• 5:51
  So
• 5:51
  you're
• 5:52
  going
• 5:52
  to
• 5:52
  make
• 5:52
  the
• 5:52
  situation
• 5:53
  as
• 5:53
  good
• 5:54
  as
• 5:54
  you
• 5:54
  can
• 5:54
  be.
• 5:54
  I
• 5:54
  mean
• 5:55
  I
• 5:55
  remember
• 5:55
  from
• 5:55
  a
• 5:55
  very
• 5:55
  young
• 5:56
  age
• 5:56
  being
• 5:56
  like,
• 5:56
  oh,
• 5:56
  if
• 5:56
  I
• 5:57
  get
• 5:57
  straight
• 5:57
  A's,
• 5:58
  mom
• 5:58
  will
• 5:58
  be
• 5:58
  happier
• 5:59
  and
• 5:59
  then
• 5:59
  the
• 5:59
  life
• 6:00
  will
• 6:00
  be
• 6:00
  happier
• 6:00
  and
• 6:00
  Things
• 6:01
  will
• 6:01
  be
• 6:01
  better
• 6:01
  if.
• 6:01
  Right.
• 6:02
  And
• 6:02
  I
• 6:02
  would
• 6:02
  try
• 6:03
  so
• 6:03
  hard
• 6:03
  to
• 6:03
  do
• 6:03
  that,
• 6:04
  only
• 6:04
  to
• 6:04
  find
• 6:04
  out
• 6:04
  I
• 6:05
  was
• 6:05
  100%
• 6:05
  wrong.
• 6:07
  But
• 6:07
  I
• 6:07
  did.
• 6:07
  I
• 6:08
  became
• 6:08
  almost
• 6:09
  immediately,
• 6:09
  very
• 6:10
  young
• 6:10
  age,
• 6:10
  completely
• 6:11
  dependent
• 6:11
  or
• 6:12
  codependent
• 6:13
  on
• 6:13
  her.
• 6:14
  It
• 6:14
  didn't
• 6:14
  matter
• 6:14
  what
• 6:15
  my
• 6:15
  feelings
• 6:15
  were.
• 6:15
  It
• 6:16
  was,
• 6:16
  how
• 6:16
  is
• 6:16
  mom
• 6:16
  going
• 6:16
  to
• 6:17
  react
• 6:17
  to
• 6:17
  this?
• 6:17
  Let's,
• 6:18
  let's
• 6:18
  change
• 6:19
  what
• 6:19
  we're
• 6:19
  going
• 6:19
  to
• 6:20
  do,
• 6:20
  say
• 6:20
  or
• 6:20
  think
• 6:20
  or
• 6:21
  believe
• 6:22
  so
• 6:22
  that
• 6:22
  we
• 6:22
  don't
• 6:22
  rock
• 6:23
  any
• 6:23
  boats.
• 6:24
  Yes.
• 6:24
  Kids
• 6:25
  are
• 6:25
  incredibly
• 6:26
  adaptive.
• 6:27
  They
• 6:27
  have
• 6:27
  to.
• 6:28
  It's
• 6:28
  literally
• 6:28
  for
• 6:29
  their
• 6:29
  survival
• 6:29
  to
• 6:30
  adapt
• 6:30
  to
• 6:30
  the
• 6:31
  system.
• 6:31
  And
• 6:32
  that
• 6:32
  this
• 6:32
  is
• 6:32
  where
• 6:32
  we
• 6:33
  pick
• 6:33
  up
• 6:33
  all
• 6:33
  of
• 6:33
  those
• 6:33
  traits.
• 6:34
  Like
• 6:34
  you
• 6:34
  said,
• 6:34
  the
• 6:34
  codependent
• 6:35
  traits,
• 6:35
  the
• 6:35
  people
• 6:36
  pleasing
• 6:36
  traits,
• 6:37
  the
• 6:37
  I
• 6:38
  don't
• 6:38
  have
• 6:38
  any
• 6:38
  boundaries
• 6:39
  or
• 6:39
  needs,
• 6:39
  your
• 6:40
  needs
• 6:40
  matter
• 6:41
  traits.
• 6:41
  Right.
• 6:42
  We
• 6:42
  become.
• 6:43
  We
• 6:43
  become
• 6:44
  so
• 6:44
  other
• 6:44
  focused
• 6:45
  because
• 6:45
  we
• 6:45
  had
• 6:45
  to.
• 6:46
  A
• 6:46
  part
• 6:46
  of
• 6:46
  us
• 6:47
  came
• 6:47
  forward
• 6:48
  and
• 6:48
  was
• 6:48
  like,
• 6:48
  this
• 6:48
  is
• 6:49
  how
• 6:49
  we're
• 6:49
  going
• 6:49
  to
• 6:49
  exist
• 6:50
  in
• 6:50
  the
• 6:50
  system.
• 6:51
  And
• 6:51
  that
• 6:51
  becomes
• 6:51
  really
• 6:52
  deeply
• 6:52
  ingrained
• 6:53
  in
• 6:53
  who
• 6:53
  we
• 6:53
  are.
• 6:55
  The
• 6:56
  normal
• 6:56
  sort
• 6:56
  of
• 6:57
  developmental
• 6:57
  stages
• 6:58
  of.
• 6:59
  Usually
• 6:59
  it's
• 6:59
  in
• 6:59
  teenage
• 7:00
  years,
• 7:00
  right,
• 7:00
  where
• 7:00
  you
• 7:01
  sort
• 7:01
  of
• 7:01
  start
• 7:01
  to
• 7:02
  test
• 7:03
  that
• 7:04
  rebellion,
• 7:05
  that
• 7:05
  creating
• 7:06
  a
• 7:06
  self
• 7:06
  outside
• 7:07
  of
• 7:07
  the
• 7:07
  system.
• 7:08
  And,
• 7:08
  and
• 7:09
  I
• 7:09
  remember
• 7:10
  I
• 7:10
  was
• 7:10
  like
• 7:10
  in
• 7:11
  my
• 7:11
  20s,
• 7:12
  mid-20s,
• 7:13
  maybe
• 7:13
  late
• 7:13
  20s,
• 7:14
  after
• 7:14
  I
• 7:14
  had
• 7:14
  started
• 7:15
  therapy
• 7:15
  and
• 7:15
  started
• 7:15
  working
• 7:16
  around
• 7:16
  some
• 7:16
  of
• 7:16
  this
• 7:16
  stuff.
• 7:17
  It
• 7:18
  felt
• 7:18
  like
• 7:18
  that
• 7:18
  was
• 7:18
  the
• 7:18
  first
• 7:19
  time
• 7:19
  in
• 7:19
  my
• 7:19
  life
• 7:19
  that
• 7:19
  I
• 7:20
  was
• 7:20
  starting
• 7:20
  to
• 7:21
  like
• 7:21
  upset
• 7:22
  my
• 7:22
  parents
• 7:23
  in
• 7:23
  a
• 7:23
  way
• 7:23
  of
• 7:23
  like
• 7:24
  not
• 7:24
  showing
• 7:24
  up
• 7:24
  in
• 7:25
  the
• 7:25
  same
• 7:25
  way
• 7:25
  in
• 7:25
  the
• 7:26
  system.
• 7:26
  I
• 7:27
  was
• 7:27
  like,
• 7:27
  I'm
• 7:27
  going
• 7:27
  through
• 7:28
  my
• 7:28
  rebellious
• 7:29
  teenage
• 7:29
  years
• 7:29
  in
• 7:29
  my
• 7:30
  30s,
• 7:30
  like,
• 7:30
  this
• 7:30
  is,
• 7:31
  this
• 7:32
  is
• 7:32
  wild.
• 7:32
  But
• 7:33
  it
• 7:33
  points
• 7:33
  to
• 7:33
  that
• 7:35
  there
• 7:35
  wasn't
• 7:35
  space
• 7:36
  to
• 7:36
  do
• 7:36
  that
• 7:36
  because
• 7:37
  all
• 7:38
  of
• 7:38
  the
• 7:38
  energy
• 7:38
  was
• 7:38
  going
• 7:39
  towards
• 7:39
  other
• 7:39
  things
• 7:40
  and
• 7:40
  other
• 7:40
  people
• 7:41
  in
• 7:41
  that
• 7:41
  system.
• 7:42
  Well,
• 7:42
  and
• 7:43
  even
• 7:43
  when
• 7:43
  I
• 7:43
  can
• 7:43
  remember
• 7:44
  being
• 7:44
  in
• 7:44
  those
• 7:44
  teenage
• 7:45
  years,
• 7:45
  I
• 7:45
  was
• 7:46
  kind
• 7:46
  of
• 7:46
  rebellious
• 7:46
  back
• 7:46
  in
• 7:47
  those
• 7:47
  teenage
• 7:47
  years
• 7:47
  because
• 7:48
  I
• 7:48
  was
• 7:48
  like,
• 7:49
  I
• 7:49
  mean,
• 7:49
  I
• 7:49
  just
• 7:49
  was
• 7:50
  not
• 7:50
  being
• 7:50
  treated
• 7:50
  well.
• 7:51
  So
• 7:51
  I
• 7:51
  figured,
• 7:51
  well,
• 7:51
  if
• 7:51
  they
• 7:51
  can
• 7:52
  do
• 7:52
  that
• 7:52
  to
• 7:52
  me,
• 7:52
  they
• 7:52
  don't
• 7:52
  care
• 7:52
  what
• 7:53
  I'm
• 7:53
  doing.
• 7:53
  They
• 7:53
  don't
• 7:53
  care
• 7:53
  if
• 7:54
  I'm
• 7:54
  running
• 7:54
  around,
• 7:54
  they
• 7:54
  don't
• 7:55
  care.
• 7:55
  But
• 7:56
  also
• 7:56
  when
• 7:57
  I
• 7:57
  would
• 7:57
  try
• 7:57
  to
• 7:58
  assert
• 7:58
  myself
• 7:58
  or
• 7:59
  just
• 7:59
  be
• 7:59
  like,
• 7:59
  this
• 8:00
  is
• 8:00
  who
• 8:00
  I
• 8:00
  am.
• 8:01
  Take
• 8:01
  me
• 8:01
  or
• 8:01
  leave
• 8:01
  me.
• 8:02
  They
• 8:03
  would
• 8:03
  leave
• 8:03
  me.
• 8:03
  Like,
• 8:03
  it
• 8:04
  wasn't
• 8:04
  accepted,
• 8:05
  it
• 8:05
  wasn't.
• 8:05
  Or
• 8:06
  I
• 8:06
  would
• 8:06
  get
• 8:06
  in
• 8:06
  trouble
• 8:07
  or
• 8:07
  I
• 8:07
  would
• 8:07
  get
• 8:07
  punished
• 8:08
  or
• 8:08
  I
• 8:08
  would
• 8:08
  get
• 8:09
  sent
• 8:09
  out
• 8:09
  of
• 8:09
  the
• 8:09
  house,
• 8:10
  I
• 8:10
  mean,
• 8:10
  for
• 8:10
  months
• 8:10
  at
• 8:11
  a
• 8:11
  time
• 8:11
  to
• 8:11
  go
• 8:11
  live
• 8:12
  with
• 8:12
  the
• 8:12
  other
• 8:12
  parent
• 8:12
  because
• 8:13
  I'm
• 8:13
  like,
• 8:13
  wow,
• 8:13
  I
• 8:14
  was
• 8:14
  just
• 8:15
  trying
• 8:15
  to
• 8:15
  figure
• 8:16
  out
• 8:16
  who
• 8:16
  I
• 8:16
  am.
• 8:17
  And
• 8:18
  yeah,
• 8:19
  and.
• 8:19
  And
• 8:19
  it
• 8:19
  does
• 8:19
  follow
• 8:20
  you.
• 8:20
  And
• 8:20
  then
• 8:20
  what
• 8:21
  do
• 8:21
  you
• 8:21
  do
• 8:21
  when
• 8:21
  you
• 8:22
  get
• 8:22
  that
• 8:22
  rejection
• 8:23
  again,
• 8:23
  it's,
• 8:23
  I
• 8:24
  must
• 8:24
  be
• 8:24
  bad.
• 8:24
  I
• 8:24
  must
• 8:25
  not
• 8:25
  be
• 8:25
  worthy
• 8:25
  for
• 8:26
  that
• 8:26
  kind
• 8:26
  of
• 8:26
  love
• 8:27
  or
• 8:27
  that,
• 8:27
  you
• 8:27
  know,
• 8:28
  so
• 8:28
  maybe
• 8:30
  I
• 8:30
  don't
• 8:30
  know
• 8:30
  who,
• 8:31
  you
• 8:31
  know,
• 8:31
  I.
• 8:31
  I
• 8:31
  don't
• 8:32
  know
• 8:32
  who
• 8:32
  to
• 8:32
  be.
• 8:32
  I
• 8:32
  remember
• 8:33
  going
• 8:33
  to
• 8:33
  a
• 8:33
  therapist
• 8:34
  and
• 8:34
  they
• 8:34
  said,
• 8:34
  well,
• 8:34
  who.
• 8:35
  Who
• 8:35
  is
• 8:35
  Tammy?
• 8:36
  I
• 8:36
  was
• 8:36
  like,
• 8:37
  literally
• 8:37
  remember
• 8:38
  saying
• 8:38
  to
• 8:38
  her,
• 8:38
  I'm
• 8:39
  whoever
• 8:39
  you
• 8:39
  need
• 8:39
  me
• 8:40
  to
• 8:40
  be
• 8:40
  at
• 8:40
  the
• 8:40
  moment.
• 8:41
  Yeah,
• 8:42
  yeah,
• 8:43
  I
• 8:43
  don't
• 8:43
  care.
• 8:43
  Like,
• 8:44
  it
• 8:44
  didn't
• 8:44
  matter
• 8:44
  to
• 8:44
  me
• 8:45
  who
• 8:45
  I
• 8:45
  was
• 8:45
  at
• 8:45
  that
• 8:46
  point.
• 8:47
  Yeah,
• 8:47
  because
• 8:47
  you
• 8:47
  repeatedly
• 8:48
  got
• 8:48
  the
• 8:48
  message
• 8:48
  that
• 8:49
  who
• 8:49
  you
• 8:49
  were
• 8:49
  trying
• 8:49
  to
• 8:49
  be
• 8:50
  was
• 8:50
  wrong.
• 8:51
  I
• 8:52
  never
• 8:52
  attempted
• 8:53
  to
• 8:53
  be
• 8:53
  a
• 8:53
  me
• 8:54
  outside
• 8:54
  of
• 8:54
  anyone
• 8:54
  else.
• 8:55
  So
• 8:55
  I
• 8:55
  was
• 8:55
  just
• 8:55
  like,
• 8:56
  similar
• 8:56
  answer.
• 8:56
  I
• 8:57
  would
• 8:57
  be
• 8:57
  like,
• 8:57
  well,
• 8:57
  what
• 8:57
  do
• 8:57
  you.
• 8:58
  What
• 8:58
  do
• 8:58
  you
• 8:58
  like?
• 8:58
  What
• 8:59
  do
• 8:59
  you
• 8:59
  like
• 8:59
  to
• 8:59
  do?
• 8:59
  What
• 8:59
  are
• 9:00
  your
• 9:00
  hob.
• 9:01
  And
• 9:01
  I
• 9:01
  would
• 9:01
  just
• 9:02
  like
• 9:02
  chameleon
• 9:03
  into
• 9:04
  being
• 9:04
  that
• 9:05
  person
• 9:05
  to,
• 9:07
  to
• 9:07
  please
• 9:08
  them
• 9:08
  or
• 9:08
  to
• 9:08
  just
• 9:09
  get
• 9:09
  along
• 9:09
  in
• 9:09
  that
• 9:09
  system.
• 9:10
  Right.
• 9:10
  Not
• 9:11
  rock
• 9:11
  any
• 9:11
  boats.
• 9:12
  Because
• 9:12
  rocking
• 9:12
  boats,
• 9:13
  being
• 9:13
  big,
• 9:14
  being
• 9:14
  seen
• 9:14
  was
• 9:15
  so
• 9:15
  unsafe.
• 9:16
  Yes,
• 9:17
  yes.
• 9:17
  So.
• 9:18
  So
• 9:19
  piggyback
• 9:19
  that
• 9:20
  into.
• 9:21
  Why
• 9:22
  do
• 9:22
  you
• 9:22
  think
• 9:22
  we.
• 9:23
  I'm
• 9:23
  gonna
• 9:23
  go
• 9:24
  from
• 9:24
  the
• 9:24
  other
• 9:24
  angle
• 9:25
  because
• 9:25
  I
• 9:25
  know
• 9:25
  familiarity
• 9:26
  and
• 9:26
  all
• 9:27
  that
• 9:27
  stuff
• 9:27
  is
• 9:27
  why
• 9:27
  we
• 9:28
  are
• 9:28
  attracted
• 9:28
  to
• 9:29
  these
• 9:29
  people
• 9:29
  that
• 9:29
  love
• 9:30
  bomb
• 9:30
  us
• 9:30
  and
• 9:30
  then
• 9:31
  get
• 9:31
  us
• 9:31
  sucked
• 9:31
  in.
• 9:33
  But
• 9:33
  why
• 9:33
  do
• 9:33
  you
• 9:33
  think
• 9:33
  our
• 9:34
  brains
• 9:34
  don't
• 9:35
  go
• 9:35
  the
• 9:35
  other
• 9:35
  way
• 9:35
  and
• 9:36
  be
• 9:36
  like,
• 9:36
  I
• 9:36
  don't
• 9:36
  want
• 9:37
  that,
• 9:37
  like,
• 9:37
  first
• 9:38
  red
• 9:38
  flag.
• 9:38
  I
• 9:39
  don't
• 9:39
  need
• 9:39
  that.
• 9:40
  Because
• 9:41
  we're,
• 9:41
  we're
• 9:41
  wired
• 9:42
  to
• 9:43
  find
• 9:43
  familiarity.
• 9:45
  So
• 9:45
  if
• 9:45
  you
• 9:45
  think
• 9:45
  about,
• 9:46
  like,
• 9:46
  evolutionary
• 9:47
  success,
• 9:48
  we
• 9:49
  are
• 9:49
  trying
• 9:49
  to
• 9:49
  not
• 9:50
  die
• 9:50
  right
• 9:50
  as,
• 9:51
  like,
• 9:51
  cave
• 9:51
  people.
• 9:53
  And
• 9:53
  if
• 9:53
  I'm
• 9:53
  familiar
• 9:54
  with
• 9:54
  a
• 9:54
  path,
• 9:55
  let's
• 9:55
  just
• 9:55
  say
• 9:56
  a
• 9:56
  path
• 9:56
  in
• 9:56
  the
• 9:56
  woods,
• 9:57
  I
• 9:57
  know
• 9:58
  where
• 9:58
  I
• 9:58
  can
• 9:58
  like,
• 9:59
  hunt
• 9:59
  for
• 9:59
  the
• 9:59
  food
• 10:00
  or
• 10:00
  I
• 10:00
  can
• 10:00
  pick
• 10:00
  the
• 10:00
  berries,
• 10:01
  and
• 10:02
  that's
• 10:02
  increasing
• 10:02
  my
• 10:02
  chances
• 10:03
  of
• 10:03
  survival.
• 10:04
  Going
• 10:04
  out
• 10:05
  to
• 10:05
  the
• 10:05
  path
• 10:06
  I've
• 10:06
  never
• 10:06
  taken
• 10:07
  is
• 10:07
  scary
• 10:08
  because
• 10:08
  I
• 10:08
  don't
• 10:08
  know
• 10:08
  what's
• 10:08
  on
• 10:08
  that
• 10:09
  path.
• 10:10
  So
• 10:10
  from
• 10:11
  a,
• 10:11
  From
• 10:11
  a
• 10:11
  literal,
• 10:12
  like,
• 10:12
  survival,
• 10:13
  again,
• 10:13
  I'm
• 10:13
  using
• 10:13
  that
• 10:14
  word
• 10:14
  so
• 10:14
  much,
• 10:14
  but
• 10:15
  it's
• 10:15
  so
• 10:15
  clear
• 10:16
  here
• 10:16
  that
• 10:17
  familiarity
• 10:18
  is
• 10:19
  safe.
• 10:19
  Even
• 10:20
  if
• 10:20
  the
• 10:20
  familiar
• 10:21
  is.
• 10:22
  Is
• 10:22
  painful,
• 10:23
  is
• 10:23
  dangerous,
• 10:24
  is
• 10:24
  insert
• 10:25
  bad
• 10:25
  feeling.
• 10:26
  It's
• 10:27
  familiar
• 10:27
  and
• 10:27
  there's
• 10:28
  a
• 10:28
  comfort
• 10:28
  in
• 10:28
  the
• 10:28
  familiar
• 10:28
  familiarity.
• 10:30
  So
• 10:30
  it
• 10:31
  takes
• 10:31
  a
• 10:31
  lot
• 10:31
  of
• 10:32
  resources,
• 10:33
  mental
• 10:33
  energetic
• 10:34
  resources
• 10:34
  too,
• 10:35
  to
• 10:35
  do
• 10:35
  a
• 10:35
  new
• 10:35
  thing.
• 10:37
  So
• 10:37
  from
• 10:37
  a
• 10:37
  default
• 10:38
  place,
• 10:38
  if
• 10:38
  we're
• 10:39
  not
• 10:39
  very
• 10:39
  conscious
• 10:40
  of
• 10:40
  what
• 10:41
  we're
• 10:41
  repeating,
• 10:42
  we're
• 10:42
  going
• 10:42
  to
• 10:42
  repeat
• 10:43
  it
• 10:43
  because
• 10:43
  our
• 10:43
  bodies
• 10:44
  are,
• 10:44
  are
• 10:45
  just
• 10:45
  trying
• 10:46
  to
• 10:46
  be
• 10:46
  efficient
• 10:46
  and
• 10:46
  trying
• 10:47
  to
• 10:47
  keep
• 10:47
  us
• 10:48
  safe.
• 10:48
  Well,
• 10:48
  I
• 10:49
  think
• 10:49
  that's
• 10:49
  a
• 10:49
  good
• 10:49
  point
• 10:49
  that
• 10:50
  you
• 10:50
  make,
• 10:50
  is
• 10:50
  the
• 10:50
  body's
• 10:51
  trying
• 10:51
  to
• 10:51
  be
• 10:51
  efficient
• 10:51
  because
• 10:52
  like
• 10:52
  you
• 10:52
  said,
• 10:52
  your
• 10:52
  brain
• 10:53
  wants
• 10:53
  to
• 10:53
  keep
• 10:53
  you
• 10:53
  safe.
• 10:54
  Your
• 10:54
  brain
• 10:54
  obviously
• 10:55
  wants
• 10:56
  also
• 10:56
  to
• 10:56
  be
• 10:57
  efficient.
• 10:57
  It
• 10:57
  has
• 10:58
  a
• 10:58
  lot
• 10:58
  to
• 10:58
  do.
• 10:59
  So
• 10:59
  it's
• 10:59
  going
• 10:59
  to
• 10:59
  take
• 10:59
  the
• 11:00
  path
• 11:00
  of
• 11:00
  least
• 11:00
  resistance,
• 11:01
  as
• 11:01
  you
• 11:01
  could
• 11:01
  call
• 11:01
  it.
• 11:02
  But
• 11:02
  it.
• 11:02
  It
• 11:03
  literally,
• 11:03
  it's.
• 11:04
  That's
• 11:04
  one
• 11:04
  of
• 11:04
  the
• 11:04
  reasons
• 11:04
  I
• 11:04
  want
• 11:05
  to
• 11:05
  stand
• 11:05
  up
• 11:05
  on
• 11:05
  the
• 11:05
  rooftops
• 11:06
  and
• 11:06
  yell
• 11:06
  to
• 11:07
  people,
• 11:07
  because
• 11:07
  it's
• 11:07
  like
• 11:08
  exactly
• 11:09
  what
• 11:10
  you're
• 11:11
  doing,
• 11:11
  exactly
• 11:11
  the
• 11:12
  opposite
• 11:12
  of
• 11:12
  what
• 11:12
  you
• 11:12
  need
• 11:13
  to
• 11:13
  do.
• 11:13
  But
• 11:14
  your
• 11:14
  brains
• 11:14
  don't
• 11:14
  know
• 11:14
  that.
• 11:15
  They
• 11:15
  don't
• 11:15
  understand
• 11:15
  that.
• 11:16
  You
• 11:16
  know,
• 11:16
  when
• 11:17
  you're
• 11:17
  with
• 11:17
  a.
• 11:17
  If
• 11:18
  you
• 11:18
  have
• 11:18
  a
• 11:18
  narcissistic
• 11:19
  parents.
• 11:19
  Parent,
• 11:20
  for
• 11:20
  instance,
• 11:21
  and
• 11:21
  then
• 11:21
  you
• 11:21
  meet
• 11:22
  someone
• 11:22
  and
• 11:23
  the
• 11:23
  first
• 11:23
  day
• 11:24
  you
• 11:24
  catch
• 11:24
  them
• 11:25
  in
• 11:25
  three
• 11:25
  little
• 11:25
  lies
• 11:26
  that
• 11:26
  make
• 11:26
  you
• 11:26
  question
• 11:27
  yourself,
• 11:28
  red
• 11:28
  flag.
• 11:29
  Like,
• 11:29
  you
• 11:30
  would
• 11:30
  think
• 11:30
  your
• 11:30
  brain
• 11:30
  would
• 11:31
  be
• 11:31
  like,
• 11:32
  no,
• 11:32
  this
• 11:32
  is
• 11:33
  crazy.
• 11:33
  I
• 11:33
  don't
• 11:33
  want
• 11:33
  to
• 11:33
  do
• 11:33
  this
• 11:34
  again.
• 11:34
  But
• 11:34
  what
• 11:34
  do
• 11:34
  you
• 11:34
  do?
• 11:35
  You
• 11:35
  go,
• 11:35
  oh,
• 11:35
  I
• 11:35
  know
• 11:36
  how
• 11:36
  to
• 11:36
  deal
• 11:36
  with
• 11:36
  this.
• 11:37
  Yeah,
• 11:37
  watch
• 11:37
  this.
• 11:38
  Yeah,
• 11:39
  well,
• 11:39
  and
• 11:40
  to
• 11:40
  go
• 11:40
  back
• 11:40
  to,
• 11:41
  like,
• 11:41
  the
• 11:41
  familiarity,
• 11:42
  too,
• 11:42
  in
• 11:42
  our
• 11:43
  body,
• 11:44
  we're
• 11:44
  wired
• 11:44
  for
• 11:45
  the
• 11:45
  highs
• 11:45
  and
• 11:45
  the
• 11:45
  lows.
• 11:47
  So
• 11:47
  growing
• 11:47
  up
• 11:47
  in
• 11:48
  unpredictable
• 11:49
  environments
• 11:49
  or
• 11:49
  dysfunctional
• 11:50
  environments,
• 11:51
  there
• 11:51
  are
• 11:51
  really
• 11:51
  good
• 11:52
  times
• 11:52
  and
• 11:52
  there
• 11:52
  are
• 11:52
  really
• 11:53
  bad
• 11:53
  times,
• 11:53
  and
• 11:53
  there
• 11:54
  are
• 11:54
  very
• 11:54
  few
• 11:54
  times
• 11:55
  where
• 11:55
  you
• 11:55
  can
• 11:55
  let
• 11:55
  your
• 11:55
  guard
• 11:56
  down.
• 11:57
  Right.
• 11:57
  So
• 11:57
  our
• 11:58
  nervous
• 11:58
  system
• 11:58
  is
• 11:58
  used
• 11:59
  to
• 11:59
  that.
• 11:59
  Up
• 11:59
  and
• 11:59
  down.
• 12:00
  It's
• 12:00
  used
• 12:00
  to
• 12:00
  the
• 12:00
  stress
• 12:01
  and
• 12:01
  the
• 12:01
  cortisol
• 12:02
  and
• 12:02
  the
• 12:02
  adrenaline
• 12:03
  dumps
• 12:03
  and
• 12:03
  then
• 12:04
  the.
• 12:04
  The
• 12:05
  repair,
• 12:05
  or
• 12:05
  not
• 12:05
  the
• 12:06
  repair,
• 12:06
  but
• 12:06
  the.
• 12:07
  The.
• 12:08
  Oh,
• 12:08
  my
• 12:08
  gosh,
• 12:09
  what's
• 12:09
  the
• 12:09
  word
• 12:09
  I'm
• 12:09
  looking
• 12:09
  for?
• 12:10
  The
• 12:10
  relief
• 12:11
  that
• 12:11
  comes
• 12:12
  when
• 12:12
  there's
• 12:13
  some
• 12:13
  sort
• 12:13
  of
• 12:13
  closeness
• 12:13
  that
• 12:14
  comes
• 12:14
  at
• 12:14
  the
• 12:14
  end
• 12:15
  of
• 12:15
  the
• 12:15
  sort
• 12:15
  of
• 12:16
  really
• 12:16
  high
• 12:16
  moment
• 12:17
  or
• 12:17
  really
• 12:17
  low
• 12:17
  moments.
• 12:19
  Right.
• 12:19
  So
• 12:20
  we
• 12:20
  are.
• 12:22
  We.
• 12:22
  We
• 12:22
  seek
• 12:23
  out
• 12:24
  that
• 12:24
  chaos
• 12:25
  unconsciously.
• 12:26
  Yeah.
• 12:26
  Like,
• 12:26
  I'm
• 12:26
  gonna
• 12:27
  go
• 12:27
  for
• 12:27
  the
• 12:27
  bad
• 12:27
  boy
• 12:28
  who
• 12:28
  is
• 12:29
  really
• 12:29
  unprepared,
• 12:30
  predictable,
• 12:30
  who
• 12:30
  doesn't
• 12:31
  return
• 12:31
  my
• 12:31
  text
• 12:31
  messages,
• 12:32
  but
• 12:32
  when
• 12:32
  he
• 12:33
  does,
• 12:33
  and
• 12:33
  we
• 12:33
  do
• 12:34
  go
• 12:34
  on
• 12:34
  that
• 12:34
  date,
• 12:34
  it's
• 12:35
  euphoric.
• 12:36
  Right.
• 12:37
  Because
• 12:37
  I'm
• 12:37
  used
• 12:37
  to
• 12:38
  that,
• 12:38
  like,
• 12:38
  push
• 12:39
  and
• 12:39
  pull,
• 12:39
  high
• 12:39
  and
• 12:40
  low,
• 12:40
  versus
• 12:41
  somebody
• 12:41
  who's
• 12:41
  grown
• 12:42
  up
• 12:42
  in
• 12:42
  a
• 12:42
  more
• 12:43
  stable,
• 12:44
  energetic
• 12:45
  place
• 12:45
  or
• 12:45
  nervous
• 12:45
  system
• 12:46
  place
• 12:46
  that's
• 12:47
  gonna
• 12:47
  feel
• 12:47
  really
• 12:47
  weird
• 12:48
  to
• 12:48
  them.
• 12:49
  Yeah.
• 12:49
  If
• 12:49
  this
• 12:49
  person's
• 12:50
  not
• 12:50
  responding
• 12:50
  to
• 12:50
  me
• 12:50
  and
• 12:50
  then
• 12:51
  they
• 12:51
  come
• 12:51
  back
• 12:51
  and
• 12:52
  take
• 12:52
  me
• 12:52
  out
• 12:52
  like
• 12:52
  nothing
• 12:53
  happened.
• 12:54
  Right.
• 12:54
  Like,
• 12:54
  that's
• 12:54
  going
• 12:54
  to
• 12:54
  be
• 12:55
  a
• 12:55
  red
• 12:55
  flag
• 12:55
  for
• 12:55
  somebody
• 12:56
  who
• 12:56
  hasn't
• 12:57
  experienced
• 12:57
  that.
• 12:59
  So
• 13:00
  what
• 13:00
  are
• 13:00
  some
• 13:00
  tips
• 13:00
  you
• 13:01
  can
• 13:01
  give
• 13:01
  people
• 13:01
  if
• 13:01
  they
• 13:02
  know
• 13:02
  they
• 13:02
  grow
• 13:02
  up
• 13:02
  in
• 13:03
  that
• 13:03
  kind
• 13:03
  of
• 13:03
  chaos
• 13:03
  and
• 13:03
  they
• 13:04
  just
• 13:04
  kind
• 13:04
  of
• 13:04
  find
• 13:04
  themselves
• 13:05
  because
• 13:05
  it
• 13:05
  happens?
• 13:06
  I
• 13:06
  mean,
• 13:06
  you
• 13:06
  find
• 13:06
  yourself,
• 13:07
  when
• 13:08
  you
• 13:08
  grow
• 13:08
  up
• 13:08
  like
• 13:08
  that,
• 13:09
  just
• 13:09
  attracting
• 13:10
  one
• 13:11
  Wrong
• 13:11
  person
• 13:12
  after
• 13:12
  the
• 13:12
  next,
• 13:13
  or
• 13:13
  staying
• 13:14
  with
• 13:14
  people
• 13:14
  when
• 13:15
  you
• 13:15
  know
• 13:15
  100%
• 13:16
  even
• 13:16
  after
• 13:16
  you
• 13:17
  figured
• 13:17
  it
• 13:17
  out,
• 13:17
  like,
• 13:18
  whoa,
• 13:18
  this
• 13:18
  is
• 13:18
  like
• 13:18
  living
• 13:19
  with
• 13:19
  my
• 13:19
  dad.
• 13:19
  Like,
• 13:19
  I
• 13:20
  can't
• 13:20
  do
• 13:20
  this,
• 13:20
  this.
• 13:21
  Yeah,
• 13:22
  but
• 13:22
  you
• 13:22
  still
• 13:22
  stay.
• 13:23
  What
• 13:23
  are
• 13:23
  some,
• 13:24
  some
• 13:25
  tips
• 13:25
  and
• 13:25
  tricks
• 13:26
  you
• 13:26
  might
• 13:26
  have
• 13:26
  for
• 13:26
  them?
• 13:27
  Yeah,
• 13:28
  I
• 13:28
  want
• 13:28
  to
• 13:29
  just
• 13:29
  before
• 13:29
  I
• 13:29
  answer
• 13:30
  that
• 13:30
  question,
• 13:30
  and
• 13:30
  I
• 13:30
  will,
• 13:31
  but
• 13:31
  I
• 13:31
  want
• 13:31
  to
• 13:31
  just
• 13:32
  give
• 13:32
  some,
• 13:33
  like,
• 13:34
  understanding
• 13:35
  to
• 13:35
  those
• 13:35
  people
• 13:35
  who
• 13:36
  are
• 13:36
  in
• 13:36
  the
• 13:36
  cycle
• 13:37
  that
• 13:37
  they
• 13:37
  cognitively
• 13:38
  see
• 13:39
  and
• 13:39
  know
• 13:40
  and
• 13:40
  can't
• 13:41
  stop.
• 13:41
  Because
• 13:42
  that's
• 13:42
  typically
• 13:42
  a
• 13:43
  sign
• 13:43
  that
• 13:43
  you're
• 13:43
  in
• 13:43
  a
• 13:43
  trauma
• 13:44
  bond
• 13:44
  with
• 13:44
  somebody
• 13:45
  and
• 13:46
  you
• 13:46
  are
• 13:46
  going
• 13:47
  through
• 13:48
  such
• 13:48
  like
• 13:49
  a
• 13:49
  biologically
• 13:50
  chemically
• 13:51
  addictive
• 13:52
  cycle
• 13:53
  in
• 13:53
  feeling
• 13:54
  the
• 13:54
  stress
• 13:54
  of
• 13:55
  the
• 13:55
  relationship.
• 13:55
  So
• 13:56
  cortisol
• 13:56
  is
• 13:56
  pumping.
• 13:57
  You're
• 13:57
  feeling
• 13:58
  fear
• 13:58
  of
• 13:59
  doing
• 13:59
  something
• 13:59
  wrong
• 14:00
  or
• 14:00
  that
• 14:00
  person
• 14:00
  pulling
• 14:01
  away.
• 14:01
  So
• 14:02
  adrenaline
• 14:02
  is
• 14:02
  pumping.
• 14:03
  It's
• 14:03
  keeping
• 14:04
  you
• 14:04
  very
• 14:04
  hyper
• 14:04
  focused,
• 14:05
  very
• 14:05
  aware
• 14:06
  on
• 14:06
  that
• 14:06
  person,
• 14:07
  Very,
• 14:07
  like
• 14:07
  ruminating,
• 14:08
  obsessive
• 14:09
  on
• 14:10
  what
• 14:10
  are
• 14:10
  they
• 14:10
  doing?
• 14:10
  What
• 14:10
  am
• 14:11
  I
• 14:11
  doing
• 14:11
  wrong?
• 14:11
  How
• 14:12
  do
• 14:12
  I
• 14:12
  fix
• 14:12
  it?
• 14:13
  And
• 14:13
  then
• 14:13
  when
• 14:14
  that
• 14:14
  person
• 14:14
  pulls
• 14:15
  away,
• 14:16
  inevitably
• 14:16
  in
• 14:16
  the
• 14:17
  cycle,
• 14:17
  there's
• 14:18
  a
• 14:18
  feeling
• 14:19
  of
• 14:19
  rejection,
• 14:20
  which
• 14:20
  causes
• 14:21
  pain
• 14:22
  that's
• 14:22
  equal
• 14:22
  to
• 14:22
  physical
• 14:23
  pain.
• 14:23
  Right.
• 14:24
  So
• 14:24
  this
• 14:24
  is
• 14:24
  the
• 14:25
  part
• 14:25
  like
• 14:25
  when,
• 14:26
  when
• 14:27
  they've
• 14:27
  left
• 14:27
  or
• 14:28
  you've
• 14:28
  left
• 14:28
  and
• 14:28
  you're
• 14:28
  like,
• 14:28
  this
• 14:29
  is
• 14:29
  the
• 14:29
  last
• 14:29
  time.
• 14:29
  I'm
• 14:29
  never
• 14:30
  going
• 14:30
  back.
• 14:31
  And
• 14:31
  then
• 14:31
  you
• 14:31
  wake
• 14:31
  up
• 14:32
  a
• 14:32
  couple
• 14:32
  days
• 14:32
  later
• 14:32
  and
• 14:33
  you're
• 14:33
  like,
• 14:33
  I
• 14:33
  can't
• 14:34
  function.
• 14:35
  The
• 14:35
  pain
• 14:35
  of
• 14:35
  this
• 14:35
  is
• 14:36
  so
• 14:36
  real.
• 14:36
  I
• 14:37
  can't
• 14:37
  live
• 14:37
  my
• 14:37
  life
• 14:38
  without
• 14:38
  this
• 14:38
  person,
• 14:39
  even
• 14:39
  though
• 14:39
  I
• 14:39
  know
• 14:39
  it's
• 14:40
  fucked
• 14:40
  up
• 14:40
  and
• 14:40
  this
• 14:40
  is
• 14:41
  dysfunctional.
• 14:42
  You
• 14:42
  reach
• 14:42
  back
• 14:42
  out,
• 14:43
  or
• 14:43
  they
• 14:43
  reach
• 14:43
  back
• 14:43
  out
• 14:44
  and
• 14:44
  you
• 14:44
  take
• 14:44
  their
• 14:44
  apology.
• 14:45
  It's
• 14:46
  because
• 14:46
  the
• 14:46
  withdrawal
• 14:47
  period
• 14:47
  is
• 14:47
  so
• 14:48
  painful
• 14:49
  because
• 14:49
  you
• 14:50
  have
• 14:50
  been
• 14:50
  wired
• 14:51
  to
• 14:51
  expect
• 14:52
  that
• 14:52
  the
• 14:52
  relief
• 14:53
  from
• 14:53
  your
• 14:53
  pain
• 14:53
  is
• 14:53
  coming
• 14:54
  from
• 14:54
  them.
• 14:55
  Right.
• 14:56
  When
• 14:56
  they
• 14:56
  come
• 14:56
  back,
• 14:57
  when
• 14:57
  there's
• 14:58
  that
• 14:58
  connect,
• 14:58
  reconnection,
• 14:59
  then
• 14:59
  you
• 14:59
  feel
• 14:59
  the
• 14:59
  relief.
• 15:00
  And
• 15:01
  so
• 15:01
  your
• 15:01
  body's
• 15:01
  like,
• 15:01
  I
• 15:02
  need
• 15:02
  him
• 15:02
  or
• 15:03
  her
• 15:03
  to,
• 15:04
  to
• 15:04
  relieve
• 15:05
  this
• 15:05
  pain.
• 15:06
  Even
• 15:06
  though
• 15:07
  they're
• 15:07
  causing
• 15:07
  it,
• 15:07
  I
• 15:07
  need
• 15:08
  this
• 15:08
  person
• 15:08
  to
• 15:09
  relieve
• 15:09
  this
• 15:10
  pain.
• 15:10
  And
• 15:10
  that
• 15:11
  becomes
• 15:11
  a
• 15:11
  very
• 15:11
  addictive
• 15:12
  cycle.
• 15:12
  Oh,
• 15:13
  yeah.
• 15:13
  And
• 15:13
  it's
• 15:13
  no,
• 15:13
  it's
• 15:14
  honestly
• 15:14
  no
• 15:14
  different
• 15:15
  than
• 15:15
  a
• 15:15
  drug.
• 15:15
  It's
• 15:16
  no
• 15:16
  different
• 15:16
  than
• 15:17
  getting
• 15:17
  that
• 15:17
  dopamine
• 15:18
  hit
• 15:18
  from
• 15:19
  taking
• 15:20
  that
• 15:20
  drug.
• 15:20
  It
• 15:21
  literally
• 15:21
  isn't.
• 15:21
  It's
• 15:22
  just
• 15:22
  all
• 15:22
  of
• 15:22
  a
• 15:22
  sudden
• 15:22
  your
• 15:22
  body
• 15:23
  can
• 15:23
  just
• 15:23
  go,
• 15:24
  yeah,
• 15:25
  you
• 15:25
  know,
• 15:25
  it's,
• 15:26
  it's,
• 15:26
  it's
• 15:27
  amazing
• 15:27
  and
• 15:28
  it's
• 15:28
  scary
• 15:28
  at
• 15:28
  the
• 15:29
  same
• 15:29
  time.
• 15:30
  Yeah,
• 15:30
  well,
• 15:31
  dopamine
• 15:31
  specifically,
• 15:32
  if
• 15:32
  you
• 15:32
  think
• 15:32
  about
• 15:32
  what
• 15:33
  that
• 15:33
  is
• 15:33
  doing,
• 15:34
  it's
• 15:34
  the
• 15:34
  reward
• 15:34
  system
• 15:35
  of
• 15:35
  the
• 15:35
  body.
• 15:36
  So
• 15:36
  when
• 15:36
  you
• 15:37
  seek
• 15:37
  something
• 15:38
  and
• 15:38
  gain
• 15:39
  pleasure
• 15:39
  from
• 15:40
  it,
• 15:40
  your
• 15:41
  body
• 15:41
  releases
• 15:41
  dopamine
• 15:42
  as
• 15:42
  like
• 15:42
  a
• 15:42
  reminder
• 15:43
  to
• 15:43
  keep
• 15:43
  doing
• 15:44
  that
• 15:44
  thing
• 15:44
  because
• 15:44
  it
• 15:44
  feels
• 15:45
  good.
• 15:45
  Right.
• 15:46
  So
• 15:46
  you're
• 15:46
  getting
• 15:47
  that,
• 15:47
  that
• 15:48
  addictive
• 15:48
  reward
• 15:49
  system.
• 15:49
  You're
• 15:50
  also
• 15:50
  getting
• 15:50
  oxytocin
• 15:51
  when
• 15:52
  you
• 15:52
  find
• 15:52
  that
• 15:52
  closeness
• 15:53
  again,
• 15:53
  which
• 15:53
  is
• 15:54
  the
• 15:54
  love
• 15:54
  bonding
• 15:55
  chemical,
• 15:55
  the,
• 15:56
  the,
• 15:57
  the
• 15:57
  closeness
• 15:58
  chemical.
• 15:59
  So
• 15:59
  it
• 15:59
  is
• 16:00
  like
• 16:01
  there
• 16:01
  are
• 16:01
  so
• 16:01
  many
• 16:02
  chemical
• 16:03
  reactions
• 16:03
  happening
• 16:03
  in
• 16:04
  your
• 16:04
  brain
• 16:04
  that
• 16:04
  keep
• 16:04
  you
• 16:04
  focused
• 16:05
  on
• 16:05
  the
• 16:05
  person
• 16:05
  and
• 16:05
  wanting
• 16:06
  the
• 16:06
  person
• 16:06
  back.
• 16:07
  Right.
• 16:07
  So
• 16:08
  it's
• 16:08
  not
• 16:08
  just
• 16:08
  a
• 16:08
  matter
• 16:09
  of,
• 16:09
  oh,
• 16:09
  I
• 16:09
  know
• 16:09
  he's
• 16:09
  not
• 16:09
  good
• 16:10
  for
• 16:10
  me,
• 16:10
  I
• 16:10
  can
• 16:10
  do
• 16:10
  this.
• 16:11
  It's,
• 16:11
  it's.
• 16:12
  No.
• 16:12
  And
• 16:13
  I
• 16:13
  think
• 16:13
  that's
• 16:13
  what
• 16:14
  you
• 16:14
  were
• 16:14
  trying
• 16:14
  to
• 16:14
  say
• 16:14
  when
• 16:14
  you
• 16:15
  started.
• 16:15
  Let
• 16:15
  me,
• 16:16
  let
• 16:16
  me
• 16:16
  be
• 16:16
  clear
• 16:17
  to
• 16:17
  get
• 16:17
  to
• 16:18
  this
• 16:19
  is.
• 16:19
  This
• 16:20
  is
• 16:20
  no
• 16:20
  different
• 16:20
  than
• 16:21
  a
• 16:21
  serious
• 16:22
  addiction.
• 16:22
  And
• 16:23
  it's
• 16:24
  not
• 16:24
  your
• 16:24
  fault.
• 16:24
  It's
• 16:25
  not
• 16:25
  like
• 16:25
  you
• 16:26
  should
• 16:26
  be
• 16:26
  beating
• 16:26
  yourself
• 16:27
  up
• 16:27
  because
• 16:27
  you
• 16:27
  just
• 16:27
  can't
• 16:28
  talk
• 16:28
  your
• 16:28
  way
• 16:28
  out
• 16:28
  of
• 16:28
  it
• 16:29
  kind
• 16:29
  of
• 16:29
  thing.
• 16:30
  Yes.
• 16:31
  So
• 16:31
  to
• 16:31
  put
• 16:31
  this
• 16:32
  in
• 16:32
  a
• 16:32
  parallel
• 16:32
  with,
• 16:32
  let's
• 16:33
  say
• 16:33
  an
• 16:33
  alcoholic
• 16:34
  that
• 16:35
  the,
• 16:35
  the
• 16:35
  drink
• 16:36
  is
• 16:36
  the
• 16:36
  alcoholic's
• 16:37
  solution
• 16:37
  to
• 16:38
  the
• 16:38
  pain.
• 16:39
  This
• 16:40
  person
• 16:40
  is
• 16:40
  your
• 16:40
  solution
• 16:41
  to
• 16:41
  your
• 16:41
  pain
• 16:42
  that
• 16:42
  you
• 16:42
  feel
• 16:42
  without
• 16:43
  this
• 16:43
  person.
• 16:44
  So
• 16:44
  just
• 16:44
  like
• 16:45
  when
• 16:45
  you
• 16:45
  take
• 16:45
  away
• 16:45
  the
• 16:45
  alcohol
• 16:46
  from,
• 16:46
  from
• 16:47
  somebody
• 16:48
  who's
• 16:48
  suffering
• 16:48
  from
• 16:48
  addiction,
• 16:49
  you
• 16:50
  can't
• 16:50
  just
• 16:50
  not
• 16:51
  give
• 16:51
  them
• 16:51
  anything
• 16:51
  else
• 16:52
  to
• 16:52
  help
• 16:53
  with
• 16:53
  the
• 16:53
  pain.
• 16:54
  Right.
• 16:54
  Otherwise
• 16:55
  they're
• 16:55
  just
• 16:55
  sitting
• 16:55
  in
• 16:55
  agony.
• 16:56
  So
• 16:57
  we
• 16:57
  have
• 16:57
  to
• 16:57
  insert
• 16:57
  other
• 16:58
  tools
• 16:58
  that
• 16:59
  you
• 16:59
  can
• 16:59
  use
• 17:00
  to
• 17:00
  be
• 17:00
  able
• 17:00
  to
• 17:01
  self
• 17:01
  soothe,
• 17:01
  to
• 17:02
  be
• 17:02
  able
• 17:02
  to
• 17:02
  withstand
• 17:03
  that
• 17:03
  pain.
• 17:05
  Or
• 17:05
  else
• 17:05
  you're
• 17:05
  going
• 17:05
  to
• 17:06
  go
• 17:06
  back
• 17:06
  to
• 17:06
  the
• 17:06
  thing
• 17:06
  that,
• 17:06
  you
• 17:06
  know,
• 17:07
  takes
• 17:07
  the
• 17:07
  pain
• 17:07
  away.
• 17:07
  Like,
• 17:08
  of
• 17:08
  course,
• 17:08
  absolutely.
• 17:09
  That's
• 17:09
  human
• 17:09
  nature.
• 17:09
  I
• 17:10
  mean,
• 17:10
  that
• 17:10
  is
• 17:10
  what
• 17:10
  you
• 17:11
  need
• 17:11
  to
• 17:11
  do.
• 17:12
  Yes,
• 17:12
  yes.
• 17:13
  So
• 17:14
  typically
• 17:14
  that's
• 17:15
  the
• 17:15
  things
• 17:15
  like
• 17:16
  nervous
• 17:16
  system
• 17:16
  regulation,
• 17:17
  tools,
• 17:18
  right.
• 17:18
  To
• 17:18
  be
• 17:19
  able
• 17:19
  to
• 17:20
  sit
• 17:20
  with
• 17:20
  yourself,
• 17:20
  meet
• 17:21
  yourself
• 17:21
  in
• 17:21
  the
• 17:21
  panic
• 17:22
  that
• 17:22
  you
• 17:22
  feel
• 17:23
  when
• 17:23
  it
• 17:23
  feels
• 17:23
  like
• 17:24
  nothing
• 17:24
  is
• 17:25
  going
• 17:25
  to
• 17:25
  change.
• 17:25
  I
• 17:25
  need,
• 17:25
  the
• 17:26
  only
• 17:26
  thing
• 17:26
  I
• 17:26
  need
• 17:27
  is
• 17:27
  this
• 17:27
  person
• 17:28
  and
• 17:28
  I
• 17:28
  can't
• 17:28
  be
• 17:28
  okay
• 17:29
  without
• 17:29
  it.
• 17:30
  How
• 17:30
  do
• 17:30
  we
• 17:31
  regulate
• 17:31
  the
• 17:31
  nervous
• 17:32
  system?
• 17:32
  How
• 17:32
  do
• 17:32
  you
• 17:32
  allow
• 17:33
  yourself
• 17:33
  to
• 17:33
  fear,
• 17:34
  feel
• 17:34
  that
• 17:34
  feel,
• 17:36
  feel
• 17:36
  that
• 17:36
  fear
• 17:37
  and
• 17:37
  anxiety
• 17:38
  and
• 17:39
  panic
• 17:39
  in
• 17:39
  a
• 17:39
  safe
• 17:39
  way
• 17:40
  by
• 17:40
  regulating
• 17:41
  your
• 17:41
  nervous
• 17:41
  system
• 17:42
  and
• 17:43
  a
• 17:43
  different
• 17:43
  type
• 17:44
  of
• 17:44
  connective
• 17:45
  experience
• 17:46
  that
• 17:46
  can
• 17:46
  hold
• 17:47
  you
• 17:47
  through
• 17:47
  that
• 17:47
  process.
• 17:49
  So
• 17:49
  alcoholics,
• 17:50
  addicts,
• 17:51
  sex
• 17:51
  addicts,
• 17:51
  workaholics,
• 17:52
  binge
• 17:53
  eaters.
• 17:53
  Right.
• 17:53
  Any
• 17:54
  addiction,
• 17:54
  they
• 17:54
  have
• 17:55
  some
• 17:55
  sort
• 17:55
  of
• 17:55
  AA
• 17:56
  n
• 17:56
  a
• 17:56
  s
• 17:57
  a
• 17:57
  o
• 17:57
  a
• 17:57
  program.
• 17:58
  Right.
• 17:59
  So
• 18:00
  for
• 18:00
  people
• 18:00
  who
• 18:00
  are
• 18:00
  going
• 18:01
  through
• 18:01
  a
• 18:01
  withdrawal
• 18:02
  from
• 18:02
  these
• 18:03
  types
• 18:03
  of
• 18:03
  relationships,
• 18:04
  you
• 18:04
  need
• 18:05
  support.
• 18:05
  You,
• 18:06
  you
• 18:06
  cannot,
• 18:08
  maybe
• 18:08
  you
• 18:09
  could
• 18:09
  do
• 18:09
  it
• 18:09
  by
• 18:09
  your
• 18:09
  own,
• 18:09
  on
• 18:10
  your
• 18:10
  own,
• 18:11
  but
• 18:11
  the,
• 18:12
  the
• 18:12
  chances
• 18:13
  are
• 18:13
  99%
• 18:14
  better
• 18:15
  if
• 18:15
  you
• 18:15
  have
• 18:15
  Somebody
• 18:16
  supporting
• 18:16
  you
• 18:16
  through
• 18:16
  this
• 18:17
  process
• 18:18
  and
• 18:18
  helping
• 18:18
  you
• 18:19
  see
• 18:19
  the
• 18:19
  reality
• 18:20
  of
• 18:20
  what's
• 18:20
  happening.
• 18:21
  Because
• 18:21
  not
• 18:22
  only
• 18:22
  are
• 18:22
  you
• 18:22
  going
• 18:22
  through
• 18:22
  this
• 18:23
  chemically
• 18:23
  bound
• 18:24
  thing,
• 18:24
  but
• 18:25
  you're
• 18:25
  also
• 18:25
  probably
• 18:25
  being
• 18:26
  gaslit
• 18:26
  and
• 18:27
  told
• 18:27
  that
• 18:28
  your
• 18:28
  reality
• 18:28
  is
• 18:29
  not
• 18:29
  real
• 18:29
  and
• 18:30
  everything
• 18:30
  is
• 18:30
  your
• 18:30
  fault.
• 18:31
  Right.
• 18:32
  So
• 18:32
  you
• 18:32
  really
• 18:33
  need
• 18:33
  to
• 18:33
  surround
• 18:34
  yourself
• 18:34
  with
• 18:35
  people
• 18:35
  who
• 18:35
  can
• 18:36
  hold
• 18:37
  you,
• 18:37
  give
• 18:38
  you
• 18:38
  the
• 18:38
  tools
• 18:38
  that
• 18:39
  you
• 18:39
  need
• 18:39
  to
• 18:39
  get
• 18:39
  through
• 18:39
  the
• 18:39
  pain
• 18:40
  so
• 18:40
  that
• 18:40
  you
• 18:41
  can
• 18:41
  change
• 18:41
  that
• 18:42
  neural
• 18:42
  pathway
• 18:42
  and
• 18:43
  not,
• 18:44
  not
• 18:44
  just
• 18:44
  associate
• 18:45
  relief
• 18:45
  with
• 18:46
  that
• 18:46
  person.
• 18:47
  But
• 18:47
  now
• 18:47
  you
• 18:47
  have
• 18:47
  relief
• 18:48
  that
• 18:48
  comes
• 18:48
  in
• 18:48
  a
• 18:48
  lot
• 18:48
  of
• 18:48
  different
• 18:49
  ways
• 18:49
  that
• 18:50
  you
• 18:50
  have
• 18:50
  access
• 18:50
  to
• 18:51
  that
• 18:51
  are
• 18:51
  not
• 18:51
  dependent
• 18:52
  on
• 18:52
  other
• 18:52
  people.
• 18:53
  Right?
• 18:55
  Absolutely.
• 18:56
  And
• 18:56
  there,
• 18:56
  like
• 18:56
  you
• 18:57
  said,
• 18:57
  there
• 18:57
  are
• 18:57
  groups
• 18:57
  for
• 18:58
  everything.
• 18:58
  So
• 18:58
  even
• 18:58
  there
• 18:59
  are
• 18:59
  narcissistic,
• 19:00
  anonymous
• 19:01
  groups,
• 19:01
  there
• 19:01
  are,
• 19:02
  there
• 19:03
  are
• 19:03
  codependency
• 19:04
  groups,
• 19:04
  would
• 19:05
  be
• 19:05
  really
• 19:05
  good
• 19:05
  groups
• 19:06
  in
• 19:06
  that
• 19:06
  kind
• 19:06
  of
• 19:06
  thing
• 19:07
  because
• 19:08
  you're
• 19:08
  probably
• 19:09
  100%
• 19:09
  codependent
• 19:10
  on
• 19:10
  that
• 19:10
  person.
• 19:11
  Yeah,
• 19:12
  yeah.
• 19:12
  They
• 19:13
  typically
• 19:13
  go
• 19:13
  hand
• 19:13
  in
• 19:14
  hand.
• 19:14
  Yeah,
• 19:15
  definitely.
• 19:16
  So
• 19:16
  there
• 19:16
  are
• 19:16
  definitely
• 19:16
  groups
• 19:17
  that
• 19:17
  you
• 19:17
  can
• 19:17
  go
• 19:17
  out
• 19:17
  there
• 19:18
  and
• 19:19
  there's
• 19:20
  just,
• 19:20
  I
• 19:20
  mean,
• 19:21
  have
• 19:21
  a
• 19:21
  friend,
• 19:22
  you
• 19:22
  know,
• 19:22
  Find
• 19:22
  people
• 19:22
  that
• 19:23
  get
• 19:23
  it,
• 19:23
  though.
• 19:23
  Try
• 19:24
  to
• 19:24
  find
• 19:24
  someone
• 19:24
  that
• 19:25
  gets
• 19:25
  it,
• 19:25
  whether
• 19:25
  it's
• 19:25
  a
• 19:25
  coach,
• 19:26
  a
• 19:26
  therapist,
• 19:26
  a
• 19:27
  group,
• 19:27
  a
• 19:28
  best
• 19:28
  friend.
• 19:29
  Because
• 19:30
  like
• 19:30
  you
• 19:30
  said,
• 19:30
  you're
• 19:30
  going
• 19:31
  to
• 19:31
  go
• 19:31
  into
• 19:31
  a
• 19:31
  group
• 19:31
  of
• 19:31
  people
• 19:32
  and
• 19:32
  you're
• 19:32
  going
• 19:32
  to
• 19:32
  go
• 19:33
  with
• 19:33
  this
• 19:33
  guy
• 19:33
  and
• 19:34
  he's
• 19:34
  going
• 19:34
  to
• 19:34
  have
• 19:34
  told
• 19:35
  one
• 19:35
  story
• 19:35
  and
• 19:36
  you
• 19:36
  have
• 19:36
  your
• 19:36
  story.
• 19:37
  And
• 19:37
  by
• 19:38
  the
• 19:38
  time
• 19:38
  it's
• 19:38
  all
• 19:38
  said
• 19:38
  and
• 19:39
  done,
• 19:39
  if
• 19:39
  you
• 19:39
  don't
• 19:39
  have
• 19:40
  the
• 19:40
  right
• 19:40
  support
• 19:40
  group
• 19:41
  with
• 19:41
  you,
• 19:41
  you're
• 19:42
  going
• 19:42
  to
• 19:42
  be
• 19:42
  thinking
• 19:42
  your
• 19:42
  story
• 19:43
  was
• 19:43
  made
• 19:43
  up.
• 19:44
  Yes,
• 19:45
  100%.
• 19:46
  100%.
• 19:47
  That's
• 19:47
  why
• 19:48
  I
• 19:48
  have
• 19:48
  a
• 19:48
  group
• 19:48
  component
• 19:49
  in
• 19:49
  the
• 19:49
  work
• 19:49
  that
• 19:49
  I
• 19:50
  do.
• 19:50
  Because
• 19:51
  with
• 19:52
  this
• 19:52
  specifically,
• 19:53
  women
• 19:54
  need
• 19:54
  a
• 19:54
  place
• 19:54
  where
• 19:54
  there's
• 19:55
  non
• 19:55
  judgment
• 19:55
  and
• 19:56
  where
• 19:56
  there's
• 19:56
  just
• 19:56
  a
• 19:57
  baseline
• 19:58
  understanding.
• 19:59
  Because
• 19:59
  even
• 19:59
  if
• 20:00
  you
• 20:00
  have
• 20:00
  the
• 20:00
  most
• 20:00
  supportive
• 20:01
  friend,
• 20:02
  but
• 20:02
  that
• 20:02
  friend
• 20:02
  has
• 20:02
  never
• 20:03
  been
• 20:03
  through
• 20:04
  this
• 20:04
  back.
• 20:04
  And
• 20:04
  the
• 20:04
  fourth,
• 20:05
  this,
• 20:05
  I
• 20:05
  need
• 20:05
  this
• 20:06
  person
• 20:06
  even
• 20:06
  though
• 20:06
  I
• 20:06
  know
• 20:06
  he's
• 20:07
  hurting
• 20:07
  me.
• 20:08
  Even
• 20:08
  if
• 20:08
  they're
• 20:09
  supporting
• 20:09
  you
• 20:09
  and
• 20:09
  saying,
• 20:10
  I
• 20:10
  love
• 20:10
  you
• 20:10
  and
• 20:10
  I'll
• 20:11
  do
• 20:11
  whatever
• 20:11
  I
• 20:11
  can,
• 20:12
  there's
• 20:12
  still
• 20:13
  a
• 20:13
  level
• 20:13
  of
• 20:14
  embarrassment
• 20:14
  and
• 20:15
  shame
• 20:15
  to
• 20:16
  try
• 20:16
  to
• 20:16
  explain
• 20:17
  something
• 20:17
  you
• 20:18
  can't
• 20:18
  make
• 20:18
  sense
• 20:18
  of
• 20:18
  in
• 20:19
  your
• 20:19
  head.
• 20:19
  Right.
• 20:20
  So
• 20:20
  to
• 20:20
  come
• 20:20
  into
• 20:21
  a
• 20:21
  group
• 20:21
  of
• 20:21
  people
• 20:21
  who
• 20:21
  are
• 20:22
  like,
• 20:22
  you
• 20:22
  don't
• 20:22
  even
• 20:23
  have
• 20:23
  to
• 20:23
  explain
• 20:23
  that
• 20:23
  to
• 20:23
  me,
• 20:23
  I
• 20:24
  understand,
• 20:24
  I
• 20:25
  get
• 20:25
  it.
• 20:25
  Yeah,
• 20:25
  I
• 20:26
  do.
• 20:26
  It,
• 20:26
  I've
• 20:26
  done
• 20:27
  it
• 20:27
  is
• 20:28
  like,
• 20:28
  it
• 20:29
  just,
• 20:29
  it
• 20:29
  just
• 20:30
  gives
• 20:30
  you
• 20:30
  a
• 20:30
  step
• 20:30
  up
• 20:31
  in
• 20:31
  being
• 20:31
  able
• 20:31
  to
• 20:31
  create
• 20:32
  the
• 20:32
  safety
• 20:32
  that
• 20:32
  you
• 20:32
  need
• 20:33
  in
• 20:33
  order
• 20:33
  to
• 20:33
  really
• 20:34
  change
• 20:34
  and
• 20:35
  process
• 20:35
  and
• 20:35
  do
• 20:36
  the
• 20:36
  things
• 20:36
  you
• 20:36
  need
• 20:37
  to
• 20:37
  get
• 20:37
  out
• 20:37
  of
• 20:37
  these
• 20:37
  cycles.
• 20:39
  Oh,
• 20:39
  absolutely.
• 20:39
  I
• 20:40
  100%
• 20:40
  agree.
• 20:41
  100%
• 20:42
  agree.
• 20:42
  So
• 20:42
  you
• 20:42
  have
• 20:43
  a
• 20:43
  big
• 20:43
  group.
• 20:43
  Is
• 20:43
  your
• 20:43
  group
• 20:44
  pretty
• 20:44
  large?
• 20:45
  No.
• 20:45
  So
• 20:45
  I
• 20:45
  keep
• 20:46
  my
• 20:46
  groups
• 20:46
  really
• 20:46
  small
• 20:47
  and
• 20:47
  intimate.
• 20:48
  I
• 20:48
  don't
• 20:48
  go
• 20:49
  above
• 20:49
  six
• 20:49
  people
• 20:50
  in
• 20:50
  my
• 20:50
  group
• 20:51
  because
• 20:51
  we
• 20:51
  are
• 20:51
  doing,
• 20:52
  we're
• 20:52
  doing
• 20:52
  such
• 20:53
  deep
• 20:53
  nervous
• 20:54
  system
• 20:54
  and
• 20:54
  reprocessing
• 20:55
  work
• 20:56
  that
• 20:56
  I
• 20:56
  want
• 20:56
  to
• 20:57
  be
• 20:57
  able
• 20:57
  to
• 20:57
  have
• 20:58
  time
• 20:59
  and
• 20:59
  like
• 21:00
  quality
• 21:00
  time
• 21:00
  is
• 21:00
  a
• 21:01
  value
• 21:01
  of
• 21:01
  mine.
• 21:01
  So
• 21:02
  I
• 21:02
  designed
• 21:03
  my
• 21:03
  programs
• 21:04
  around
• 21:05
  having
• 21:05
  a
• 21:05
  lot
• 21:05
  of
• 21:05
  quality
• 21:05
  time
• 21:06
  and
• 21:06
  depth
• 21:06
  with
• 21:07
  my
• 21:07
  clients.
• 21:08
  So
• 21:09
  you
• 21:09
  get
• 21:09
  the.
• 21:10
  Yeah,
• 21:11
  so
• 21:11
  you
• 21:11
  get
• 21:11
  the
• 21:11
  benefit
• 21:12
  of,
• 21:12
  of
• 21:12
  again
• 21:13
  being
• 21:13
  seen.
• 21:13
  Because
• 21:14
  that's
• 21:14
  also
• 21:14
  a
• 21:14
  big
• 21:15
  thing
• 21:15
  with
• 21:16
  women
• 21:16
  who
• 21:16
  are
• 21:16
  in
• 21:17
  these
• 21:17
  types
• 21:17
  of
• 21:17
  relationships
• 21:18
  and
• 21:19
  people
• 21:19
  who
• 21:20
  have
• 21:20
  gone
• 21:20
  through
• 21:20
  dysfunctional
• 21:21
  childhoods.
• 21:22
  We
• 21:23
  don't
• 21:23
  feel
• 21:23
  seen.
• 21:23
  There
• 21:24
  was
• 21:24
  no
• 21:24
  space
• 21:24
  for
• 21:25
  us.
• 21:25
  So
• 21:26
  to
• 21:26
  take
• 21:26
  up
• 21:26
  space
• 21:27
  in
• 21:27
  a
• 21:27
  group
• 21:27
  to
• 21:28
  believe
• 21:28
  that
• 21:28
  your
• 21:28
  needs
• 21:29
  are
• 21:29
  as
• 21:29
  important
• 21:29
  as
• 21:30
  someone
• 21:30
  else's
• 21:30
  needs,
• 21:31
  these
• 21:32
  are
• 21:32
  all,
• 21:33
  all
• 21:33
  experiences
• 21:34
  that
• 21:34
  we're
• 21:34
  learning
• 21:34
  in
• 21:35
  group
• 21:35
  so
• 21:35
  that
• 21:35
  you
• 21:36
  can
• 21:36
  take
• 21:36
  that
• 21:36
  into
• 21:36
  your
• 21:37
  next
• 21:37
  healthy
• 21:38
  relationship.
• 21:39
  Because
• 21:39
  there's
• 21:40
  got
• 21:40
  to
• 21:40
  be
• 21:40
  that
• 21:40
  understanding
• 21:41
  of,
• 21:42
  of
• 21:42
  equality
• 21:43
  and
• 21:44
  not
• 21:45
  the
• 21:45
  over
• 21:45
  giving
• 21:45
  or
• 21:46
  the
• 21:46
  over
• 21:46
  receiving,
• 21:46
  depending
• 21:47
  on
• 21:47
  which
• 21:48
  partners
• 21:48
  is
• 21:49
  doing
• 21:49
  that
• 21:50
  in
• 21:50
  the
• 21:50
  relationship.
• 21:51
  Right,
• 21:51
  right.
• 21:53
  So.
• 21:53
  Well,
• 21:53
  that's
• 21:53
  fun.
• 21:54
  So
• 21:55
  going
• 21:55
  back,
• 21:56
  I'm
• 21:56
  going
• 21:56
  to
• 21:56
  go
• 21:56
  back
• 21:57
  just
• 21:57
  a
• 21:57
  little
• 21:57
  bit
• 21:58
  and
• 21:58
  we
• 21:58
  talked
• 21:58
  about
• 21:59
  the
• 21:59
  familiarity,
• 21:59
  we
• 22:00
  talked
• 22:00
  about
• 22:01
  the,
• 22:01
  the
• 22:02
  underlying.
• 22:02
  What.
• 22:03
  What
• 22:03
  do
• 22:03
  you
• 22:04
  think
• 22:04
  beside
• 22:06
  talk
• 22:06
  about
• 22:06
  the
• 22:06
  big
• 22:06
  picture?
• 22:07
  Like,
• 22:07
  some
• 22:07
  people
• 22:08
  don't
• 22:08
  even
• 22:09
  understand
• 22:09
  narcissism
• 22:10
  and
• 22:10
  narcissistic
• 22:11
  relationships
• 22:11
  and
• 22:11
  stuff
• 22:12
  like
• 22:12
  that.
• 22:12
  Can
• 22:13
  you
• 22:13
  explain
• 22:13
  in
• 22:14
  general
• 22:16
  or
• 22:16
  maybe
• 22:17
  how
• 22:17
  you
• 22:17
  would
• 22:17
  know
• 22:17
  if
• 22:17
  you
• 22:18
  were
• 22:18
  dealing
• 22:18
  with
• 22:18
  someone
• 22:19
  that
• 22:19
  might
• 22:19
  have
• 22:19
  these
• 22:20
  tendencies?
• 22:21
  Yeah,
• 22:22
  yeah,
• 22:22
  I'll,
• 22:22
  I'll
• 22:23
  walk
• 22:23
  you
• 22:23
  through
• 22:23
  high
• 22:23
  level
• 22:24
  of
• 22:24
  what
• 22:24
  a
• 22:24
  narcissistic.
• 22:25
  Yeah,
• 22:25
  it's
• 22:25
  kind
• 22:25
  of
• 22:25
  going
• 22:26
  back
• 22:26
  a
• 22:26
  little
• 22:26
  bit,
• 22:26
  but
• 22:27
  I
• 22:27
  know
• 22:27
  people
• 22:27
  are
• 22:27
  like,
• 22:27
  oh,
• 22:28
  wow,
• 22:28
  I
• 22:28
  don't
• 22:28
  know.
• 22:28
  What,
• 22:29
  what
• 22:29
  are
• 22:29
  red.
• 22:30
  What
• 22:30
  are
• 22:30
  this?
• 22:30
  What
• 22:30
  are
• 22:30
  that?
• 22:31
  Yeah,
• 22:31
  yeah.
• 22:32
  So
• 22:33
  a
• 22:33
  good
• 22:33
  thing
• 22:33
  to
• 22:34
  know
• 22:34
  baseline
• 22:34
  about
• 22:35
  narcissistic
• 22:35
  people
• 22:36
  is
• 22:36
  they
• 22:36
  are
• 22:36
  entering
• 22:37
  into
• 22:37
  a
• 22:37
  connection
• 22:39
  with
• 22:39
  the
• 22:39
  intention
• 22:40
  of
• 22:41
  power
• 22:41
  and
• 22:41
  control.
• 22:43
  You
• 22:43
  likely
• 22:44
  are
• 22:44
  entering
• 22:44
  into
• 22:44
  a
• 22:44
  connection
• 22:45
  with
• 22:45
  the
• 22:45
  intention
• 22:46
  of
• 22:47
  love,
• 22:47
  bonding,
• 22:48
  give
• 22:49
  and
• 22:49
  receive.
• 22:49
  Right.
• 22:50
  To
• 22:50
  create
• 22:51
  like
• 22:51
  an
• 22:51
  actual
• 22:51
  relationship
• 22:52
  in
• 22:53
  the
• 22:53
  way
• 22:53
  that
• 22:53
  you
• 22:53
  understand
• 22:54
  relationships.
• 22:56
  So
• 22:56
  the
• 22:56
  motives
• 22:56
  are
• 22:57
  different
• 22:57
  and
• 22:57
  that's
• 22:57
  important
• 22:58
  to
• 22:58
  know
• 22:59
  because
• 22:59
  the
• 22:59
  motives
• 23:00
  are
• 23:00
  different.
• 23:00
  Narcissistic
• 23:01
  people
• 23:02
  go
• 23:02
  through
• 23:02
  a
• 23:02
  narcissistic
• 23:03
  cycle
• 23:04
  with
• 23:04
  their
• 23:04
  person
• 23:05
  that
• 23:05
  they're
• 23:05
  currently
• 23:06
  bonded
• 23:06
  to.
• 23:08
  So
• 23:08
  that
• 23:08
  starts
• 23:08
  with
• 23:09
  the
• 23:09
  love
• 23:09
  bombing
• 23:10
  stage,
• 23:10
  which
• 23:10
  feels
• 23:12
  like
• 23:12
  too
• 23:13
  much
• 23:13
  too
• 23:13
  soon,
• 23:14
  too
• 23:14
  big,
• 23:14
  too
• 23:15
  good,
• 23:15
  too
• 23:16
  good
• 23:16
  to
• 23:16
  be
• 23:16
  true
• 23:16
  is
• 23:17
  a
• 23:17
  good
• 23:17
  line
• 23:18
  to
• 23:18
  come
• 23:18
  back
• 23:18
  to.
• 23:19
  It
• 23:20
  doesn't
• 23:20
  have
• 23:20
  to
• 23:20
  be
• 23:21
  them
• 23:21
  buying
• 23:21
  you
• 23:22
  trips
• 23:22
  or
• 23:22
  flying
• 23:22
  you
• 23:23
  across
• 23:23
  the
• 23:23
  world.
• 23:24
  It
• 23:24
  can
• 23:24
  be
• 23:25
  like
• 23:25
  sending
• 23:25
  you
• 23:26
  all
• 23:26
  of
• 23:26
  the
• 23:27
  exact
• 23:27
  messaging
• 23:28
  that
• 23:28
  you
• 23:28
  want
• 23:28
  or
• 23:29
  cards,
• 23:30
  writing
• 23:30
  you
• 23:30
  cards,
• 23:31
  or
• 23:31
  showing
• 23:31
  up
• 23:32
  with
• 23:32
  really
• 23:32
  thoughtful
• 23:32
  gifts,
• 23:33
  or
• 23:34
  becoming
• 23:35
  a
• 23:35
  yogi
• 23:35
  if
• 23:35
  they've
• 23:36
  never
• 23:36
  done
• 23:36
  yoga.
• 23:36
  But
• 23:36
  they
• 23:37
  know
• 23:37
  that
• 23:37
  it's
• 23:37
  important
• 23:37
  to
• 23:38
  you
• 23:38
  and
• 23:38
  starting
• 23:39
  to
• 23:39
  talk
• 23:39
  about
• 23:39
  their
• 23:40
  feelings
• 23:40
  because
• 23:40
  they
• 23:40
  know
• 23:40
  that
• 23:41
  that's
• 23:41
  important
• 23:41
  to
• 23:41
  you.
• 23:42
  It's
• 23:42
  sort
• 23:43
  of
• 23:43
  like
• 23:43
  you're
• 23:43
  watching
• 23:44
  them
• 23:44
  become
• 23:44
  your
• 23:45
  prince
• 23:45
  Charming,
• 23:46
  this.
• 23:46
  This
• 23:46
  thing
• 23:46
  that
• 23:46
  you're
• 23:47
  telling
• 23:47
  them
• 23:47
  that
• 23:47
  you've
• 23:47
  always
• 23:48
  wanted,
• 23:49
  right?
• 23:49
  And
• 23:49
  honestly,
• 23:50
  it
• 23:50
  seems
• 23:50
  like.
• 23:51
  And
• 23:51
  because
• 23:52
  of
• 23:52
  if
• 23:52
  you
• 23:52
  grew
• 23:53
  up
• 23:53
  in
• 23:53
  this
• 23:53
  traumatic
• 23:54
  childhood
• 23:54
  and
• 23:54
  you've
• 23:54
  never
• 23:55
  been
• 23:55
  seen,
• 23:55
  never
• 23:55
  been
• 23:55
  heard,
• 23:56
  never
• 23:56
  been
• 23:56
  doing
• 23:56
  this,
• 23:57
  it
• 23:57
  doesn't
• 23:57
  take
• 23:58
  much,
• 23:58
  honestly,
• 23:58
  for
• 23:59
  him
• 23:59
  to
• 23:59
  be
• 23:59
  that
• 23:59
  hero.
• 24:00
  You
• 24:00
  know,
• 24:00
  it's
• 24:01
  kind
• 24:01
  of
• 24:01
  like.
• 24:02
  I
• 24:02
  know
• 24:02
  it
• 24:02
  sounds
• 24:02
  horrible
• 24:03
  to
• 24:03
  compare
• 24:03
  this
• 24:04
  to,
• 24:04
  but
• 24:04
  it's
• 24:04
  kind
• 24:04
  of
• 24:05
  like
• 24:05
  a
• 24:05
  trafficked
• 24:05
  victim.
• 24:06
  You
• 24:06
  know,
• 24:06
  we
• 24:06
  have
• 24:07
  basic
• 24:07
  needs,
• 24:07
  not
• 24:08
  very
• 24:08
  many
• 24:08
  of
• 24:08
  them.
• 24:08
  And
• 24:08
  if
• 24:09
  your
• 24:09
  trafficker
• 24:09
  is
• 24:10
  meeting
• 24:10
  one
• 24:10
  of
• 24:10
  them,
• 24:11
  he
• 24:11
  is
• 24:11
  now
• 24:11
  better
• 24:11
  than
• 24:12
  everybody
• 24:12
  else
• 24:12
  on
• 24:13
  the
• 24:13
  planet.
• 24:14
  Oh,
• 24:14
  my
• 24:14
  God,
• 24:14
  Tammy,
• 24:15
  you
• 24:15
  nailed
• 24:16
  it.
• 24:16
  Nailed
• 24:16
  it.
• 24:17
  Like,
• 24:17
  our
• 24:17
  standards
• 24:18
  are
• 24:18
  very
• 24:18
  low,
• 24:18
  typically
• 24:19
  coming
• 24:19
  out
• 24:20
  of.
• 24:20
  Yes,
• 24:20
  yes.
• 24:21
  And.
• 24:22
  And
• 24:22
  they
• 24:22
  can
• 24:22
  sense
• 24:23
  that.
• 24:24
  They
• 24:24
  can
• 24:24
  sense
• 24:25
  that.
• 24:25
  That
• 24:26
  even
• 24:26
  if
• 24:27
  it's
• 24:27
  just
• 24:27
  like
• 24:27
  an
• 24:27
  energetic
• 24:28
  desperation
• 24:29
  for
• 24:30
  the
• 24:30
  need
• 24:30
  to
• 24:31
  be
• 24:31
  connected,
• 24:32
  the
• 24:32
  need
• 24:32
  to
• 24:32
  be
• 24:33
  needed,
• 24:33
  or
• 24:33
  the
• 24:33
  need
• 24:34
  to
• 24:34
  be
• 24:34
  seen.
• 24:35
  So
• 24:35
  those
• 24:35
  are
• 24:36
  things
• 24:36
  that
• 24:36
  when
• 24:36
  we're
• 24:37
  doing
• 24:37
  work
• 24:37
  on
• 24:37
  ourselves,
• 24:38
  we
• 24:38
  really
• 24:38
  want
• 24:38
  to
• 24:38
  work
• 24:38
  on
• 24:39
  those
• 24:40
  wounded
• 24:40
  parts
• 24:40
  of
• 24:40
  ourselves
• 24:41
  so
• 24:41
  that
• 24:41
  we
• 24:41
  become
• 24:42
  less.
• 24:42
  It's
• 24:42
  like
• 24:42
  blood
• 24:43
  in
• 24:43
  the
• 24:43
  water
• 24:43
  to
• 24:43
  a
• 24:43
  shark.
• 24:44
  Right?
• 24:44
  Right.
• 24:46
  I
• 24:46
  can
• 24:46
  remember
• 24:46
  when
• 24:47
  I
• 24:47
  was
• 24:47
  going
• 24:47
  through
• 24:47
  the
• 24:48
  love
• 24:48
  bombing
• 24:49
  stage
• 24:49
  with
• 24:49
  my
• 24:49
  ex,
• 24:50
  I
• 24:50
  remember
• 24:51
  saying
• 24:51
  to
• 24:51
  a
• 24:51
  friend
• 24:51
  of
• 24:52
  mine,
• 24:52
  like,
• 24:52
  oh,
• 24:52
  this
• 24:52
  is
• 24:53
  what
• 24:53
  love
• 24:53
  is
• 24:53
  supposed
• 24:54
  to
• 24:54
  feel
• 24:54
  like.
• 24:55
  Like,
• 24:55
  I
• 24:55
  finally
• 24:56
  found
• 24:56
  it.
• 24:57
  And.
• 24:58
  And
• 24:58
  I
• 24:59
  looking
• 24:59
  back,
• 24:59
  I'm
• 25:00
  like,
• 25:00
  that
• 25:01
  was
• 25:01
  love
• 25:01
  bombing.
• 25:02
  That
• 25:02
  was
• 25:02
  not
• 25:02
  love.
• 25:02
  But
• 25:03
  because
• 25:04
  I
• 25:04
  had
• 25:04
  felt
• 25:04
  so
• 25:05
  deprived
• 25:06
  of
• 25:06
  that,
• 25:06
  it
• 25:07
  was
• 25:07
  so
• 25:07
  much
• 25:07
  desire.
• 25:08
  Like,
• 25:08
  he
• 25:08
  was.
• 25:09
  There
• 25:09
  was
• 25:10
  so
• 25:10
  much
• 25:10
  desire.
• 25:10
  It
• 25:10
  was
• 25:11
  an
• 25:11
  overpouring
• 25:11
  of
• 25:12
  desire,
• 25:13
  and
• 25:14
  I
• 25:14
  had
• 25:14
  never
• 25:14
  felt
• 25:14
  that
• 25:14
  before
• 25:15
  because
• 25:15
  usually
• 25:15
  I
• 25:16
  was
• 25:16
  the
• 25:16
  one
• 25:16
  focusing
• 25:17
  on
• 25:17
  the
• 25:17
  person
• 25:17
  and
• 25:17
  giving
• 25:18
  to
• 25:18
  the
• 25:18
  person,
• 25:19
  right?
• 25:20
  So
• 25:20
  the
• 25:20
  love
• 25:20
  bombing
• 25:20
  stage
• 25:21
  is
• 25:21
  really
• 25:21
  intended
• 25:22
  to.
• 25:22
  To
• 25:23
  bond,
• 25:23
  right?
• 25:24
  It's
• 25:24
  really
• 25:24
  intended
• 25:25
  to
• 25:25
  suck
• 25:25
  you
• 25:25
  in
• 25:26
  so
• 25:27
  that
• 25:27
  you.
• 25:28
  You
• 25:29
  feel
• 25:29
  love
• 25:29
  for
• 25:30
  this
• 25:30
  person
• 25:30
  because
• 25:30
  you
• 25:31
  are
• 25:31
  being
• 25:32
  so
• 25:32
  desired
• 25:33
  for
• 25:34
  the
• 25:35
  next
• 25:35
  stage
• 25:35
  of
• 25:35
  the.
• 25:36
  Of
• 25:36
  the
• 25:36
  narcissistic
• 25:37
  cycle
• 25:38
  is
• 25:38
  to
• 25:38
  devalue.
• 25:39
  So
• 25:40
  that's
• 25:40
  where
• 25:40
  the
• 25:40
  little
• 25:41
  jabs
• 25:41
  start.
• 25:42
  That's
• 25:42
  where
• 25:42
  the
• 25:42
  abuse
• 25:43
  starts.
• 25:43
  That's
• 25:43
  where
• 25:44
  trying
• 25:44
  to
• 25:45
  get
• 25:45
  you
• 25:45
  to
• 25:46
  move
• 25:46
  away
• 25:46
  from
• 25:47
  your
• 25:47
  friends
• 25:47
  and
• 25:47
  family
• 25:48
  start,
• 25:48
  right?
• 25:48
  It's
• 25:49
  where
• 25:49
  things
• 25:49
  shift
• 25:50
  but
• 25:51
  because
• 25:51
  you've
• 25:51
  become
• 25:51
  so
• 25:52
  bonded
• 25:52
  in
• 25:52
  the
• 25:52
  love
• 25:52
  bonding
• 25:53
  stage,
• 25:53
  you
• 25:54
  have
• 25:54
  a
• 25:54
  lot
• 25:54
  of
• 25:54
  justifications
• 25:56
  and
• 25:56
  a
• 25:56
  lot
• 25:56
  of
• 25:56
  excuses
• 25:57
  for
• 25:57
  the
• 25:58
  red
• 25:58
  flags
• 25:58
  that
• 25:58
  you
• 25:58
  start
• 25:59
  to
• 25:59
  see.
• 26:00
  And
• 26:01
  often
• 26:02
  it
• 26:02
  comes
• 26:03
  to,
• 26:03
  like,
• 26:04
  they're
• 26:04
  having
• 26:04
  a
• 26:04
  hard
• 26:05
  time
• 26:05
  at
• 26:05
  work
• 26:05
  or
• 26:05
  they
• 26:05
  had
• 26:06
  such
• 26:06
  a
• 26:06
  traumatic
• 26:07
  childhood.
• 26:07
  He's
• 26:08
  just,
• 26:08
  he's
• 26:09
  just
• 26:09
  acting
• 26:10
  out.
• 26:10
  Like,
• 26:11
  I
• 26:11
  want
• 26:11
  to
• 26:11
  help
• 26:11
  him
• 26:12
  get
• 26:12
  therapy.
• 26:12
  I
• 26:12
  want
• 26:13
  us
• 26:13
  to
• 26:13
  go
• 26:13
  to
• 26:13
  therapy.
• 26:14
  I
• 26:14
  want.
• 26:14
  Right.
• 26:15
  We
• 26:15
  start
• 26:15
  going
• 26:15
  into
• 26:16
  like,
• 26:16
  savior,
• 26:17
  fix
• 26:17
  it
• 26:17
  mode.
• 26:17
  Which
• 26:18
  savior?
• 26:18
  Yep.
• 26:19
  Which
• 26:19
  is
• 26:19
  again,
• 26:20
  something
• 26:20
  we
• 26:20
  have
• 26:20
  practiced
• 26:21
  and
• 26:21
  learned
• 26:21
  as
• 26:22
  ACA
• 26:22
  people.
• 26:24
  We
• 26:24
  know
• 26:24
  how
• 26:24
  to
• 26:24
  step
• 26:24
  into
• 26:25
  that.
• 26:25
  Like,
• 26:26
  I'll
• 26:26
  do
• 26:26
  it.
• 26:27
  I'll
• 26:27
  take
• 26:27
  it
• 26:27
  on.
• 26:28
  This
• 26:28
  is
• 26:28
  my
• 26:28
  new
• 26:28
  project.
• 26:29
  You're
• 26:29
  just
• 26:30
  suffering
• 26:30
  and
• 26:30
  I
• 26:30
  can,
• 26:30
  I
• 26:31
  can
• 26:31
  help
• 26:31
  you.
• 26:32
  I
• 26:32
  can
• 26:32
  change
• 26:32
  you.
• 26:32
  I
• 26:33
  can
• 26:33
  make
• 26:33
  this
• 26:33
  okay.
• 26:34
  Right.
• 26:35
  That
• 26:36
  the
• 26:36
  devaluing
• 26:37
  stage
• 26:37
  goes
• 26:37
  into
• 26:37
  discarding.
• 26:39
  So
• 26:39
  discarding
• 26:40
  is
• 26:40
  where
• 26:40
  there's
• 26:40
  very
• 26:40
  blatant
• 26:41
  cheating
• 26:41
  or
• 26:42
  blatant
• 26:42
  breaking
• 26:43
  up,
• 26:43
  getting
• 26:43
  back
• 26:43
  together,
• 26:45
  any
• 26:45
  sort
• 26:46
  of,
• 26:46
  like,
• 26:47
  you're
• 26:47
  not,
• 26:48
  you're
• 26:48
  not
• 26:48
  worth
• 26:49
  it
• 26:49
  anymore.
• 26:49
  You're
• 26:49
  not
• 26:49
  worth
• 26:50
  my
• 26:50
  time.
• 26:50
  It
• 26:51
  becomes
• 26:51
  very
• 26:51
  cold,
• 26:52
  comes
• 26:53
  very
• 26:53
  cruel
• 26:53
  a
• 26:53
  lot
• 26:54
  of
• 26:54
  the
• 26:54
  times,
• 26:55
  or
• 26:55
  they're,
• 26:56
  they're
• 26:56
  cheating
• 26:56
  behind
• 26:57
  your
• 26:57
  back.
• 26:57
  And
• 26:57
  you
• 26:57
  find,
• 26:58
  you
• 26:58
  find
• 26:58
  that
• 26:58
  out.
• 26:59
  Right.
• 27:00
  Then
• 27:01
  they
• 27:01
  come
• 27:01
  back
• 27:01
  with
• 27:02
  the
• 27:02
  hoovering.
• 27:03
  So
• 27:03
  this
• 27:03
  is
• 27:03
  where
• 27:03
  the
• 27:04
  cycle
• 27:04
  starts
• 27:04
  again,
• 27:05
  where
• 27:05
  they
• 27:05
  come
• 27:06
  back
• 27:06
  with
• 27:06
  the
• 27:06
  promises
• 27:07
  and
• 27:07
  I
• 27:07
  miss
• 27:07
  you
• 27:08
  and
• 27:08
  I
• 27:08
  love
• 27:08
  you
• 27:08
  and
• 27:08
  I
• 27:08
  was
• 27:09
  wrong,
• 27:09
  you
• 27:09
  were
• 27:10
  right.
• 27:10
  I'll
• 27:10
  go
• 27:10
  to
• 27:10
  therapy.
• 27:11
  We'll
• 27:12
  change
• 27:12
  everything.
• 27:12
  I'll
• 27:13
  stop
• 27:13
  drinking,
• 27:13
  I'll
• 27:14
  stop
• 27:14
  using.
• 27:15
  I'll.
• 27:15
  Whatever,
• 27:16
  whatever
• 27:17
  the
• 27:17
  problem
• 27:17
  is,
• 27:17
  they're
• 27:18
  going
• 27:18
  to
• 27:18
  stop
• 27:18
  doing
• 27:18
  the
• 27:18
  problem.
• 27:20
  And
• 27:20
  it's
• 27:20
  very
• 27:20
  convincing
• 27:21
  because
• 27:21
  again,
• 27:22
  they're
• 27:22
  gathering
• 27:23
  information
• 27:24
  throughout
• 27:24
  all
• 27:25
  of
• 27:25
  these
• 27:25
  stages
• 27:25
  around
• 27:26
  what's
• 27:26
  important
• 27:26
  to
• 27:27
  you,
• 27:27
  what,
• 27:28
  what
• 27:28
  pushes
• 27:28
  your
• 27:29
  buttons,
• 27:29
  what
• 27:29
  pulls
• 27:29
  your
• 27:30
  strings,
• 27:30
  and
• 27:31
  they
• 27:31
  bring
• 27:31
  it
• 27:31
  all
• 27:31
  back
• 27:32
  and
• 27:32
  then
• 27:32
  you
• 27:32
  go
• 27:32
  back
• 27:33
  into
• 27:33
  the
• 27:33
  love
• 27:33
  bombing
• 27:34
  stage
• 27:35
  for
• 27:35
  a
• 27:35
  week
• 27:36
  or
• 27:36
  two
• 27:36
  or
• 27:36
  a
• 27:36
  month,
• 27:36
  and
• 27:37
  then
• 27:37
  you,
• 27:37
  you.
• 27:38
  Cycle
• 27:38
  back
• 27:39
  down,
• 27:39
  cycle
• 27:39
  back
• 27:39
  around.
• 27:40
  Yeah.
• 27:40
  Yep.
• 27:41
  So
• 27:41
  the
• 27:42
  narcissistic
• 27:42
  cycle
• 27:43
  is
• 27:43
  what
• 27:43
  they
• 27:43
  do,
• 27:44
  which
• 27:44
  creates
• 27:45
  the
• 27:45
  trauma
• 27:45
  bond,
• 27:46
  which
• 27:46
  is
• 27:46
  what
• 27:46
  you
• 27:46
  experience.
• 27:47
  Experience.
• 27:48
  So
• 27:48
  the
• 27:48
  narcissistic
• 27:49
  cycle
• 27:49
  is
• 27:49
  taking
• 27:50
  you
• 27:50
  through
• 27:50
  the,
• 27:51
  the
• 27:51
  cortisol
• 27:52
  dumps
• 27:52
  and
• 27:52
  the
• 27:52
  adrenaline
• 27:53
  dumps
• 27:53
  and
• 27:53
  the,
• 27:54
  the
• 27:54
  pain,
• 27:54
  the
• 27:54
  rejection
• 27:55
  when
• 27:55
  they
• 27:55
  pull
• 27:55
  away
• 27:56
  and
• 27:56
  then
• 27:57
  the
• 27:57
  relief
• 27:57
  that
• 27:57
  comes
• 27:57
  when
• 27:58
  they
• 27:58
  come
• 27:58
  back.
• 27:59
  So
• 27:59
  it's
• 28:00
  creating
• 28:00
  that.
• 28:00
  The
• 28:01
  chemical
• 28:01
  dependency
• 28:02
  on
• 28:03
  the
• 28:03
  person.
• 28:04
  Right.
• 28:06
  So,
• 28:06
  like,
• 28:07
  is.
• 28:07
  I
• 28:07
  mean,
• 28:07
  that.
• 28:07
  Yes.
• 28:08
  No,
• 28:08
  no.
• 28:08
  That
• 28:09
  was
• 28:09
  a
• 28:09
  very,
• 28:09
  very
• 28:10
  perfect
• 28:10
  explanation.
• 28:11
  And
• 28:11
  I
• 28:11
  just
• 28:11
  wanted
• 28:12
  for
• 28:12
  the
• 28:12
  people
• 28:12
  that
• 28:12
  had
• 28:12
  never
• 28:13
  really
• 28:13
  heard
• 28:13
  it
• 28:14
  because
• 28:15
  some
• 28:15
  people
• 28:15
  are
• 28:15
  like,
• 28:16
  what?
• 28:16
  I
• 28:16
  hear
• 28:16
  this
• 28:17
  and
• 28:17
  I
• 28:17
  know
• 28:17
  there's
• 28:18
  lying
• 28:18
  and
• 28:18
  there's
• 28:18
  this.
• 28:19
  And
• 28:19
  that
• 28:19
  all
• 28:19
  comes
• 28:19
  in,
• 28:20
  in
• 28:20
  all
• 28:20
  those
• 28:20
  different
• 28:21
  stages.
• 28:22
  But
• 28:22
  the
• 28:22
  biggest
• 28:22
  thing
• 28:23
  I
• 28:23
  think
• 28:23
  to
• 28:23
  know
• 28:24
  is
• 28:24
  that
• 28:24
  if
• 28:24
  you
• 28:24
  are
• 28:25
  not
• 28:25
  in
• 28:25
  a
• 28:25
  relationship
• 28:26
  right
• 28:26
  now,
• 28:26
  but
• 28:26
  you
• 28:27
  tend
• 28:27
  to
• 28:28
  attract
• 28:29
  the
• 28:29
  wrong
• 28:29
  people,
• 28:30
  is
• 28:30
  to
• 28:30
  start
• 28:30
  learning
• 28:31
  those
• 28:31
  red
• 28:31
  flags.
• 28:32
  Start
• 28:32
  when
• 28:33
  things
• 28:33
  come
• 28:33
  too
• 28:34
  close,
• 28:34
  you
• 28:34
  know,
• 28:34
  too
• 28:35
  quick,
• 28:35
  too
• 28:35
  fast,
• 28:36
  too
• 28:36
  soon.
• 28:37
  Backing
• 28:37
  away
• 28:38
  and
• 28:38
  saying,
• 28:38
  no,
• 28:38
  that's
• 28:38
  not
• 28:39
  what
• 28:39
  I
• 28:39
  need.
• 28:39
  And
• 28:40
  it's
• 28:40
  very
• 28:40
  hard.
• 28:41
  But
• 28:41
  it's
• 28:41
  easier
• 28:42
  to
• 28:43
  states
• 28:43
  not
• 28:43
  get
• 28:44
  into
• 28:44
  one
• 28:44
  of
• 28:44
  those
• 28:44
  relationships
• 28:45
  than
• 28:45
  it
• 28:45
  is
• 28:46
  to
• 28:46
  get
• 28:46
  out
• 28:46
  of
• 28:46
  one.
• 28:46
  So
• 28:47
  I
• 28:47
  think
• 28:47
  I'm.
• 28:47
  I'm
• 28:48
  talking
• 28:48
  to
• 28:48
  those
• 28:49
  people
• 28:49
  right
• 28:49
  now
• 28:49
  specifically
• 28:50
  that
• 28:51
  are
• 28:51
  not
• 28:51
  in
• 28:51
  one
• 28:51
  right
• 28:52
  now
• 28:53
  because.
• 28:53
  Yeah,
• 28:54
  because
• 28:54
  once
• 28:54
  you.
• 28:54
  I
• 28:55
  mean,
• 28:55
  I
• 28:55
  remember
• 28:56
  people
• 28:56
  like,
• 28:56
  why
• 28:56
  did
• 28:57
  you
• 28:57
  marry
• 28:57
  your
• 28:57
  first
• 28:57
  husband?
• 28:58
  Because
• 28:58
  he
• 28:58
  was
• 28:58
  really
• 28:58
  literally
• 28:59
  the
• 28:59
  first
• 28:59
  person
• 28:59
  that
• 28:59
  told
• 29:00
  me
• 29:00
  he
• 29:00
  loved
• 29:00
  me.
• 29:01
  Yeah,
• 29:02
  of
• 29:02
  course.
• 29:03
  That
• 29:03
  I
• 29:03
  truly
• 29:03
  thought
• 29:04
  he
• 29:04
  meant
• 29:04
  it,
• 29:04
  you
• 29:04
  know?
• 29:06
  Yes,
• 29:06
  yes.
• 29:07
  And
• 29:08
  yeah,
• 29:08
  you
• 29:08
  just,
• 29:10
  you're
• 29:10
  looking
• 29:10
  for
• 29:10
  love
• 29:11
  in
• 29:11
  all
• 29:11
  the
• 29:11
  wrong
• 29:11
  places
• 29:12
  when
• 29:12
  you're
• 29:12
  not
• 29:12
  healed.
• 29:13
  And
• 29:15
  that's
• 29:15
  that.
• 29:16
  That
• 29:17
  Tammy,
• 29:17
  is
• 29:18
  like,
• 29:18
  listener,
• 29:19
  take
• 29:19
  this
• 29:19
  home.
• 29:19
  Because
• 29:21
  you
• 29:21
  can,
• 29:21
  you
• 29:22
  can
• 29:22
  study
• 29:23
  the
• 29:23
  red
• 29:23
  flags
• 29:23
  all
• 29:23
  day
• 29:24
  long,
• 29:24
  but
• 29:25
  if
• 29:25
  you
• 29:25
  don't
• 29:25
  have
• 29:26
  a
• 29:26
  sense
• 29:26
  of
• 29:26
  self
• 29:27
  or
• 29:27
  if
• 29:27
  you
• 29:27
  still
• 29:28
  have
• 29:28
  a
• 29:28
  lot
• 29:28
  of
• 29:28
  wounded
• 29:29
  parts
• 29:29
  who
• 29:30
  are
• 29:30
  looking
• 29:30
  for
• 29:30
  the
• 29:31
  external
• 29:31
  source
• 29:32
  to
• 29:32
  make
• 29:32
  them
• 29:32
  feel
• 29:33
  safe,
• 29:33
  seen
• 29:34
  and
• 29:34
  valued
• 29:34
  and
• 29:34
  worthy,
• 29:36
  it
• 29:37
  doesn't
• 29:37
  matter.
• 29:38
  Like
• 29:38
  those,
• 29:38
  those
• 29:39
  parts,
• 29:39
  like
• 29:40
  90%
• 29:40
  of
• 29:41
  our
• 29:41
  life
• 29:41
  is
• 29:41
  run
• 29:41
  unconsciously.
• 29:43
  So
• 29:43
  to
• 29:43
  take
• 29:44
  the
• 29:44
  time
• 29:44
  to
• 29:45
  do
• 29:45
  the
• 29:45
  healing
• 29:46
  work
• 29:46
  around
• 29:46
  those
• 29:47
  limiting
• 29:48
  beliefs,
• 29:48
  around
• 29:48
  those
• 29:49
  patterns
• 29:49
  of
• 29:49
  behavior,
• 29:50
  around
• 29:51
  what,
• 29:52
  what
• 29:52
  was
• 29:52
  your
• 29:52
  role
• 29:52
  in
• 29:53
  your
• 29:53
  childhood
• 29:53
  home?
• 29:54
  To
• 29:55
  do
• 29:55
  that
• 29:55
  work,
• 29:56
  to
• 29:56
  create
• 29:57
  that,
• 29:57
  that
• 29:57
  really
• 29:58
  secure
• 29:58
  sense
• 29:58
  of
• 29:58
  self
• 29:59
  so
• 29:59
  that,
• 29:59
  you
• 29:59
  know,
• 30:00
  this
• 30:01
  is
• 30:01
  what
• 30:01
  I
• 30:01
  need,
• 30:01
  this
• 30:02
  is
• 30:02
  what
• 30:02
  I
• 30:02
  want.
• 30:02
  This
• 30:03
  is,
• 30:03
  these
• 30:03
  are
• 30:03
  my
• 30:03
  non
• 30:03
  negotiables.
• 30:05
  This
• 30:05
  is
• 30:05
  how
• 30:05
  I
• 30:05
  set
• 30:05
  a
• 30:06
  boundary.
• 30:07
  Right.
• 30:07
  Those
• 30:08
  skills
• 30:09
  can't
• 30:09
  come
• 30:09
  if
• 30:09
  there's
• 30:10
  not
• 30:10
  a
• 30:10
  sense
• 30:10
  of
• 30:11
  self.
• 30:12
  Right.
• 30:12
  As
• 30:12
  like
• 30:13
  the
• 30:13
  foundation.
• 30:14
  Absolutely.
• 30:15
  I
• 30:15
  mean,
• 30:15
  going
• 30:15
  back
• 30:16
  to
• 30:16
  kind
• 30:16
  of
• 30:16
  where.
• 30:18
  And
• 30:18
  it
• 30:18
  starts
• 30:18
  with
• 30:19
  just,
• 30:19
  you
• 30:19
  know,
• 30:20
  those
• 30:20
  core
• 30:20
  values
• 30:21
  and
• 30:21
  stuff.
• 30:21
  And
• 30:21
  people
• 30:21
  are
• 30:21
  like,
• 30:22
  oh,
• 30:22
  well,
• 30:22
  you
• 30:22
  just
• 30:22
  base
• 30:22
  your
• 30:23
  boundaries,
• 30:23
  you
• 30:23
  know,
• 30:23
  you.
• 30:24
  Sometimes
• 30:25
  we
• 30:25
  get
• 30:25
  in
• 30:25
  assuming
• 30:26
  that
• 30:26
  we
• 30:26
  know
• 30:27
  something
• 30:28
  where
• 30:28
  there
• 30:28
  are
• 30:28
  people
• 30:28
  out
• 30:29
  there
• 30:29
  listening
• 30:29
  that
• 30:29
  have
• 30:30
  no
• 30:30
  idea.
• 30:31
  You
• 30:31
  know,
• 30:31
  I
• 30:31
  remember
• 30:32
  the.
• 30:32
  Again,
• 30:32
  a
• 30:33
  therapist
• 30:33
  saying
• 30:33
  to
• 30:33
  me,
• 30:33
  well,
• 30:34
  what
• 30:34
  are
• 30:34
  your
• 30:34
  core
• 30:34
  values?
• 30:35
  And
• 30:35
  I'm
• 30:35
  like,
• 30:35
  what
• 30:35
  do
• 30:35
  you
• 30:35
  mean?
• 30:36
  Well,
• 30:36
  what
• 30:36
  do
• 30:36
  you
• 30:36
  like?
• 30:37
  I
• 30:37
  don't
• 30:38
  know.
• 30:39
  I
• 30:39
  don't
• 30:39
  know.
• 30:39
  You
• 30:39
  know,
• 30:40
  like
• 30:40
  you,
• 30:40
  you
• 30:40
  literally,
• 30:41
  when
• 30:41
  you
• 30:41
  grow
• 30:42
  up
• 30:42
  like
• 30:42
  that,
• 30:42
  it's
• 30:43
  so
• 30:43
  hard
• 30:43
  to
• 30:43
  explain,
• 30:45
  but
• 30:46
  you
• 30:46
  don't
• 30:46
  have
• 30:46
  a
• 30:46
  sense
• 30:47
  of
• 30:47
  self.
• 30:47
  You
• 30:47
  don't
• 30:47
  know
• 30:47
  what
• 30:48
  you
• 30:48
  like,
• 30:48
  you
• 30:48
  don't
• 30:48
  know
• 30:49
  who
• 30:49
  you
• 30:49
  are.
• 30:49
  You
• 30:49
  don't
• 30:50
  know
• 30:50
  what
• 30:50
  you
• 30:50
  want
• 30:50
  to
• 30:51
  do.
• 30:51
  And
• 30:51
  you
• 30:51
  kind
• 30:52
  of
• 30:52
  go
• 30:52
  through
• 30:52
  the
• 30:52
  motions.
• 30:53
  Like,
• 30:53
  I,
• 30:54
  I
• 30:54
  love
• 30:55
  children.
• 30:55
  So
• 30:55
  I
• 30:56
  was
• 30:56
  like,
• 30:56
  well,
• 30:56
  I
• 30:56
  guess
• 30:56
  I'll
• 30:56
  be
• 30:56
  a
• 30:56
  teacher.
• 30:57
  You
• 30:57
  know,
• 30:58
  I
• 30:58
  mean,
• 30:58
  it's
• 30:58
  like
• 30:58
  you
• 30:58
  do
• 30:59
  things
• 30:59
  and
• 30:59
  then
• 30:59
  you're
• 30:59
  like,
• 31:00
  why?
• 31:00
  I
• 31:00
  didn't
• 31:00
  really
• 31:01
  want
• 31:01
  to.
• 31:02
  Yes.
• 31:03
  You
• 31:04
  know,
• 31:04
  or
• 31:04
  you
• 31:04
  do
• 31:04
  what
• 31:05
  people
• 31:05
  tell
• 31:05
  you.
• 31:05
  You,
• 31:06
  you,
• 31:06
  you'd
• 31:06
  be
• 31:06
  good
• 31:07
  at,
• 31:07
  or
• 31:07
  whatever
• 31:07
  it
• 31:08
  is
• 31:08
  you.
• 31:09
  And
• 31:09
  it's
• 31:10
  that.
• 31:10
  I
• 31:10
  think
• 31:10
  that
• 31:11
  is
• 31:11
  the
• 31:11
  first
• 31:11
  place
• 31:12
  is
• 31:12
  to
• 31:12
  really
• 31:12
  start
• 31:14
  asking
• 31:14
  you
• 31:14
  those
• 31:15
  yourself,
• 31:15
  those
• 31:15
  questions,
• 31:16
  and
• 31:16
  then
• 31:16
  feeling
• 31:17
  them
• 31:17
  in
• 31:17
  your
• 31:17
  body,
• 31:18
  you
• 31:18
  know,
• 31:18
  ask
• 31:18
  yourself,
• 31:19
  am
• 31:19
  I
• 31:19
  where
• 31:20
  I
• 31:20
  want
• 31:20
  to
• 31:20
  be?
• 31:21
  Yes.
• 31:22
  And,
• 31:22
  and
• 31:23
  I
• 31:23
  know
• 31:23
  you
• 31:24
  do
• 31:24
  a
• 31:24
  lot
• 31:24
  with
• 31:24
  muscle
• 31:25
  testing,
• 31:25
  and
• 31:25
  you
• 31:25
  do
• 31:26
  a
• 31:26
  lot
• 31:26
  with,
• 31:26
  like,
• 31:26
  the
• 31:26
  energetic
• 31:27
  work
• 31:27
  and
• 31:27
  everything.
• 31:28
  And
• 31:28
  that's
• 31:29
  so
• 31:29
  important.
• 31:30
  You
• 31:30
  can
• 31:31
  literally.
• 31:31
  I
• 31:31
  mean,
• 31:31
  I,
• 31:32
  I
• 31:32
  don't
• 31:32
  remember
• 31:32
  who
• 31:32
  was
• 31:33
  on
• 31:33
  my
• 31:33
  podcast,
• 31:33
  but
• 31:34
  she
• 31:34
  literally,
• 31:34
  her
• 31:35
  entire
• 31:35
  healing
• 31:36
  process
• 31:37
  was
• 31:37
  nothing
• 31:38
  but
• 31:38
  muscle
• 31:38
  testing.
• 31:39
  Every
• 31:39
  decision
• 31:39
  she
• 31:39
  made
• 31:40
  in
• 31:40
  her
• 31:40
  life
• 31:40
  and
• 31:41
  trusting
• 31:41
  it.
• 31:42
  Yeah.
• 31:42
  And
• 31:42
  trusting
• 31:43
  it.
• 31:43
  Yeah.
• 31:44
  I.
• 31:45
  I
• 31:45
  was
• 31:45
  the
• 31:45
  same
• 31:46
  way
• 31:46
  when
• 31:46
  I.
• 31:47
  When
• 31:47
  I
• 31:47
  got
• 31:47
  out
• 31:47
  of
• 31:48
  the
• 31:48
  relationship,
• 31:48
  the
• 31:49
  narcissistic
• 31:49
  relationship,
• 31:51
  it
• 31:51
  had
• 31:51
  felt.
• 31:51
  It
• 31:52
  felt
• 31:52
  like
• 31:53
  who
• 31:53
  I
• 31:53
  thought
• 31:54
  I
• 31:54
  was
• 31:54
  was,
• 31:54
  like,
• 31:55
  burned
• 31:55
  to
• 31:55
  the
• 31:56
  ground.
• 31:56
  I
• 31:56
  was
• 31:56
  like,
• 31:57
  I'm
• 31:57
  starting
• 31:57
  from
• 31:57
  ground
• 31:58
  zero.
• 31:58
  I
• 31:58
  don't
• 31:58
  even
• 31:58
  know
• 31:59
  where
• 31:59
  to
• 31:59
  begin
• 31:59
  with
• 32:00
  this.
• 32:00
  And
• 32:01
  I
• 32:01
  started
• 32:01
  making
• 32:02
  a
• 32:02
  list,
• 32:03
  like,
• 32:03
  when
• 32:03
  something
• 32:03
  felt
• 32:04
  good.
• 32:05
  So
• 32:05
  I'm
• 32:05
  like,
• 32:05
  oh,
• 32:06
  that
• 32:06
  piece
• 32:06
  of
• 32:07
  dark
• 32:07
  chocolate,
• 32:07
  I
• 32:08
  liked
• 32:08
  that.
• 32:08
  I'm
• 32:08
  gonna
• 32:09
  write
• 32:09
  that
• 32:09
  down.
• 32:10
  I
• 32:10
  like
• 32:11
  dark
• 32:11
  coffee.
• 32:11
  I
• 32:11
  like
• 32:12
  hot
• 32:12
  coffee.
• 32:13
  Like,
• 32:13
  very,
• 32:13
  very
• 32:13
  hot
• 32:14
  coffee.
• 32:14
  I
• 32:15
  wrote
• 32:15
  that
• 32:15
  down.
• 32:15
  I
• 32:16
  like
• 32:16
  going
• 32:16
  for
• 32:16
  walks.
• 32:17
  I
• 32:17
  wrote
• 32:17
  that
• 32:17
  down.
• 32:18
  And
• 32:18
  the
• 32:18
  more
• 32:19
  that
• 32:19
  I
• 32:19
  added
• 32:19
  to
• 32:20
  that
• 32:20
  list,
• 32:20
  the
• 32:20
  more
• 32:20
  patterns
• 32:21
  I
• 32:21
  started
• 32:21
  to
• 32:21
  see
• 32:22
  of,
• 32:22
  like,
• 32:22
  oh,
• 32:22
  these
• 32:22
  are
• 32:23
  things
• 32:23
  that
• 32:23
  tend
• 32:23
  to
• 32:24
  be
• 32:24
  on
• 32:24
  the
• 32:24
  list,
• 32:25
  like
• 32:25
  spending
• 32:26
  time
• 32:26
  with
• 32:26
  people.
• 32:26
  I
• 32:26
  love
• 32:27
  being
• 32:27
  in
• 32:27
  nature,
• 32:28
  doing
• 32:28
  self
• 32:29
  work.
• 32:30
  And
• 32:30
  that
• 32:30
  helped
• 32:30
  me
• 32:30
  sort
• 32:31
  of
• 32:31
  like,
• 32:32
  like,
• 32:33
  not
• 32:33
  deconstruct,
• 32:34
  but
• 32:35
  figure
• 32:35
  out
• 32:36
  my
• 32:36
  values,
• 32:36
  starting
• 32:37
  with
• 32:37
  really
• 32:37
  small
• 32:38
  things
• 32:38
  that
• 32:39
  I
• 32:39
  liked.
• 32:39
  Right.
• 32:40
  So
• 32:41
  it
• 32:41
  is
• 32:42
  so
• 32:42
  important
• 32:42
  to
• 32:42
  know
• 32:42
  that.
• 32:43
  And
• 32:43
  if
• 32:43
  you're
• 32:44
  coming
• 32:44
  from
• 32:44
  a
• 32:44
  place
• 32:45
  of
• 32:45
  like,
• 32:45
  I
• 32:45
  don't
• 32:46
  even
• 32:46
  know,
• 32:46
  I
• 32:46
  don't
• 32:47
  know
• 32:47
  what
• 32:47
  question
• 32:47
  you're
• 32:47
  asking
• 32:48
  me.
• 32:49
  Start
• 32:49
  with
• 32:49
  those
• 32:49
  things.
• 32:50
  Just
• 32:50
  as
• 32:50
  you're
• 32:50
  going
• 32:50
  through
• 32:51
  your
• 32:51
  day,
• 32:51
  just
• 32:52
  start
• 32:52
  being
• 32:52
  aware
• 32:52
  of
• 32:53
  when
• 32:53
  you
• 32:53
  feel
• 32:53
  good.
• 32:54
  What
• 32:54
  am
• 32:54
  I
• 32:55
  doing
• 32:55
  that
• 32:55
  feels
• 32:56
  good?
• 32:57
  Or
• 32:57
  I
• 32:57
  used
• 32:57
  to
• 32:57
  tell
• 32:57
  people,
• 32:58
  picture
• 32:58
  your
• 32:58
  favorite
• 32:59
  day.
• 32:59
  Like,
• 32:59
  picture
• 33:00
  what
• 33:00
  you
• 33:00
  can
• 33:00
  imagine
• 33:00
  to
• 33:01
  be
• 33:01
  your
• 33:01
  favorite
• 33:01
  day
• 33:01
  and
• 33:02
  write
• 33:02
  down
• 33:02
  every
• 33:02
  characteristic
• 33:03
  and
• 33:03
  everything
• 33:03
  that
• 33:04
  goes
• 33:04
  along
• 33:04
  with
• 33:04
  that.
• 33:05
  Perfect
• 33:05
  example.
• 33:06
  What
• 33:06
  are
• 33:06
  you
• 33:06
  eating?
• 33:06
  Where
• 33:07
  are
• 33:07
  you?
• 33:07
  What's
• 33:07
  the
• 33:07
  weather?
• 33:08
  Like,
• 33:08
  what's
• 33:08
  the
• 33:08
  temperature?
• 33:09
  Who
• 33:09
  are
• 33:09
  the
• 33:09
  people?
• 33:10
  Like
• 33:10
  that
• 33:10
  you're
• 33:10
  with.
• 33:11
  And
• 33:11
  then
• 33:11
  do
• 33:11
  it
• 33:11
  maybe
• 33:12
  for
• 33:12
  a
• 33:12
  not
• 33:12
  so
• 33:12
  perfect
• 33:13
  day.
• 33:13
  And
• 33:14
  then
• 33:14
  you
• 33:14
  can
• 33:14
  kind
• 33:14
  of
• 33:15
  making
• 33:15
  like
• 33:15
  a,
• 33:16
  A
• 33:16
  good
• 33:16
  and
• 33:16
  a
• 33:16
  bad.
• 33:17
  And,
• 33:17
  and
• 33:17
  then
• 33:18
  when
• 33:18
  you
• 33:18
  run
• 33:18
  into
• 33:18
  those
• 33:19
  situations
• 33:19
  and
• 33:20
  maybe,
• 33:20
  maybe
• 33:21
  the
• 33:21
  not
• 33:22
  so
• 33:22
  perfect
• 33:22
  day
• 33:22
  was
• 33:23
  somebody
• 33:23
  told
• 33:23
  you
• 33:23
  a
• 33:23
  blatant
• 33:24
  lie
• 33:24
  and
• 33:24
  you
• 33:24
  were
• 33:25
  like,
• 33:25
  oh,
• 33:25
  that's
• 33:25
  cringy.
• 33:26
  So
• 33:27
  then
• 33:27
  when
• 33:27
  you
• 33:27
  go
• 33:27
  on
• 33:27
  that
• 33:27
  first
• 33:28
  date
• 33:28
  and
• 33:28
  you
• 33:28
  catch
• 33:28
  them
• 33:29
  in
• 33:29
  three
• 33:29
  small
• 33:29
  little
• 33:30
  lies,
• 33:30
  you're
• 33:30
  like,
• 33:31
  yeah,
• 33:31
  no,
• 33:31
  that's,
• 33:32
  that's
• 33:32
  a
• 33:32
  non
• 33:32
  negotiable.
• 33:33
  That's
• 33:33
  on
• 33:33
  my
• 33:33
  no
• 33:33
  no
• 33:34
  list.
• 33:34
  Yeah,
• 33:35
  yeah.
• 33:36
  But
• 33:36
  yeah,
• 33:36
  I
• 33:36
  love
• 33:36
  the
• 33:36
  idea
• 33:37
  of
• 33:37
  just
• 33:37
  starting
• 33:37
  and
• 33:37
  writing
• 33:38
  down
• 33:38
  everything.
• 33:39
  I
• 33:39
  kind
• 33:39
  of
• 33:39
  did
• 33:39
  that,
• 33:39
  you
• 33:40
  know,
• 33:40
  and
• 33:40
  I
• 33:40
  was
• 33:40
  trying
• 33:41
  to,
• 33:41
  I
• 33:41
  always
• 33:42
  trying
• 33:42
  to
• 33:42
  do
• 33:42
  everything
• 33:43
  fast.
• 33:43
  So
• 33:43
  I'm
• 33:44
  like,
• 33:44
  my
• 33:44
  perfect
• 33:44
  day,
• 33:44
  my
• 33:44
  least
• 33:45
  perfect
• 33:45
  day.
• 33:45
  All
• 33:45
  the,
• 33:46
  all
• 33:46
  the
• 33:46
  characteristics.
• 33:47
  And
• 33:47
  if
• 33:47
  it
• 33:47
  was
• 33:47
  on
• 33:47
  my
• 33:47
  no
• 33:48
  day,
• 33:48
  I
• 33:48
  just
• 33:48
  don't
• 33:49
  do
• 33:49
  it.
• 33:49
  Yeah,
• 33:50
  yeah,
• 33:51
  yeah.
• 33:52
  Another,
• 33:52
  another
• 33:52
  way
• 33:53
  that
• 33:53
  I
• 33:53
  like
• 33:53
  to
• 33:54
  reverse
• 33:54
  engineer
• 33:55
  this
• 33:55
  to
• 33:55
  help
• 33:56
  you
• 33:56
  find
• 33:56
  the
• 33:56
  answer
• 33:57
  is
• 33:57
  ask
• 33:57
  yourself,
• 33:58
  like,
• 33:58
  what
• 33:58
  pisses
• 33:59
  me
• 33:59
  off
• 33:59
  the
• 33:59
  most?
• 34:00
  So
• 34:01
  lying
• 34:01
  for
• 34:02
  me,
• 34:03
  like
• 34:03
  asking
• 34:03
  myself
• 34:04
  that
• 34:04
  question.
• 34:04
  Lying
• 34:05
  is
• 34:05
  the
• 34:05
  first
• 34:05
  thing
• 34:05
  that
• 34:05
  comes
• 34:06
  up
• 34:06
  because
• 34:06
  my,
• 34:07
  well,
• 34:07
  for
• 34:07
  many
• 34:07
  reasons,
• 34:08
  but
• 34:08
  my
• 34:09
  ex,
• 34:09
  like,
• 34:10
  it
• 34:10
  was
• 34:10
  all
• 34:11
  lies,
• 34:11
  all
• 34:11
  lies.
• 34:12
  And
• 34:13
  so
• 34:13
  I
• 34:14
  know
• 34:14
  now
• 34:14
  that
• 34:15
  honesty
• 34:16
  is
• 34:16
  a
• 34:16
  value
• 34:16
  of
• 34:16
  mine
• 34:17
  because
• 34:17
  I
• 34:18
  cannot
• 34:18
  handle
• 34:19
  lying.
• 34:20
  I
• 34:20
  cannot
• 34:21
  handle
• 34:21
  people
• 34:21
  not
• 34:22
  being
• 34:22
  truthful.
• 34:22
  Even
• 34:22
  if
• 34:23
  it's
• 34:23
  a
• 34:23
  hard
• 34:23
  truth
• 34:23
  to
• 34:23
  hear.
• 34:24
  I
• 34:24
  would
• 34:24
  prefer
• 34:25
  that
• 34:25
  over
• 34:25
  the
• 34:25
  lie.
• 34:26
  Right?
• 34:26
  So
• 34:26
  that
• 34:27
  helped
• 34:27
  me
• 34:27
  reverse
• 34:28
  engineer
• 34:28
  like,
• 34:29
  okay,
• 34:29
  if
• 34:29
  this
• 34:29
  is
• 34:29
  so
• 34:30
  bothersome
• 34:31
  to
• 34:31
  me,
• 34:31
  it
• 34:32
  must
• 34:32
  mean
• 34:32
  a
• 34:33
  lot
• 34:33
  to
• 34:33
  me
• 34:33
  that,
• 34:34
  you
• 34:34
  know,
• 34:34
  for
• 34:34
  people
• 34:35
  to
• 34:35
  be
• 34:35
  honest.
• 34:36
  So
• 34:36
  that's
• 34:36
  another
• 34:37
  good
• 34:37
  way
• 34:37
  to,
• 34:38
  to
• 34:39
  help
• 34:39
  figure
• 34:39
  out,
• 34:40
  sort
• 34:40
  of
• 34:40
  like
• 34:40
  do
• 34:40
  this
• 34:41
  curiosity,
• 34:42
  dive
• 34:42
  around,
• 34:43
  who
• 34:43
  am
• 34:44
  I?
• 34:44
  What,
• 34:44
  what
• 34:44
  is
• 34:45
  meaningful
• 34:45
  to
• 34:45
  me?
• 34:46
  Right?
• 34:46
  And
• 34:47
  I
• 34:47
  think
• 34:47
  you,
• 34:47
  once
• 34:47
  you
• 34:48
  start
• 34:48
  building
• 34:48
  that
• 34:48
  self,
• 34:49
  because
• 34:49
  until
• 34:50
  you
• 34:50
  have
• 34:50
  that
• 34:50
  sense
• 34:51
  of
• 34:51
  self,
• 34:51
  you're
• 34:51
  not
• 34:51
  going
• 34:52
  to
• 34:52
  be
• 34:52
  able
• 34:52
  to
• 34:52
  set
• 34:52
  boundaries
• 34:53
  because
• 34:53
  you
• 34:53
  don't
• 34:53
  even
• 34:53
  know
• 34:53
  what
• 34:53
  you
• 34:53
  care
• 34:54
  about.
• 34:54
  So
• 34:55
  I
• 34:55
  think
• 34:55
  that
• 34:55
  the
• 34:56
  self
• 34:56
  is
• 34:56
  the
• 34:56
  very
• 34:57
  first,
• 34:57
  that
• 34:58
  self
• 34:58
  awareness
• 34:59
  and
• 34:59
  that,
• 34:59
  that
• 35:00
  sense
• 35:00
  of
• 35:00
  identity
• 35:01
  I
• 35:01
  think
• 35:01
  is
• 35:02
  the
• 35:02
  very
• 35:02
  first
• 35:03
  step.
• 35:03
  Because
• 35:05
  you
• 35:05
  don't
• 35:06
  know.
• 35:06
  I
• 35:07
  mean,
• 35:07
  you
• 35:07
  can't.
• 35:08
  How
• 35:08
  do
• 35:08
  you
• 35:09
  love
• 35:09
  your.
• 35:10
  How
• 35:10
  do
• 35:10
  you
• 35:10
  love
• 35:10
  something
• 35:11
  if
• 35:11
  you
• 35:11
  don't
• 35:11
  even
• 35:11
  know
• 35:11
  what
• 35:11
  it
• 35:11
  is?
• 35:12
  You
• 35:12
  know
• 35:12
  what
• 35:12
  I
• 35:12
  mean?
• 35:12
  It's
• 35:12
  like
• 35:13
  you
• 35:13
  have
• 35:13
  to
• 35:13
  know
• 35:14
  who
• 35:14
  you
• 35:14
  are
• 35:14
  and
• 35:15
  what
• 35:15
  you
• 35:15
  stand
• 35:15
  for
• 35:16
  so
• 35:16
  that
• 35:16
  you
• 35:16
  can
• 35:17
  start
• 35:17
  standing
• 35:18
  for
• 35:18
  it.
• 35:18
  Yes,
• 35:19
  it's
• 35:19
  really
• 35:19
  the
• 35:20
  best.
• 35:21
  Before
• 35:21
  we
• 35:21
  can
• 35:22
  love
• 35:22
  anything,
• 35:23
  whether
• 35:23
  it's
• 35:23
  ourself
• 35:23
  or
• 35:24
  someone
• 35:24
  else,
• 35:24
  we
• 35:25
  have
• 35:25
  to
• 35:25
  understand
• 35:26
  them
• 35:26
  and
• 35:26
  we
• 35:27
  have
• 35:27
  to
• 35:27
  respect.
• 35:27
  Respect
• 35:27
  them.
• 35:28
  Right?
• 35:29
  So
• 35:29
  you
• 35:29
  have
• 35:30
  to
• 35:30
  start
• 35:30
  like,
• 35:30
  you're
• 35:30
  saying
• 35:31
  understanding
• 35:31
  yourself
• 35:32
  and
• 35:32
  then
• 35:32
  you
• 35:32
  start
• 35:33
  to
• 35:33
  have
• 35:33
  to.
• 35:33
  Or
• 35:34
  then
• 35:34
  you
• 35:34
  start
• 35:34
  to
• 35:35
  naturally
• 35:35
  respect
• 35:36
  yourself
• 35:36
  because
• 35:37
  you're
• 35:37
  like,
• 35:37
  oh,
• 35:38
  this
• 35:38
  is
• 35:38
  making
• 35:38
  sense.
• 35:39
  This
• 35:39
  is
• 35:39
  something
• 35:39
  I
• 35:39
  can
• 35:40
  wrap
• 35:40
  my
• 35:40
  head
• 35:40
  around.
• 35:41
  And
• 35:41
  then
• 35:41
  once
• 35:42
  you
• 35:42
  respect
• 35:42
  something,
• 35:42
  you
• 35:43
  want
• 35:43
  to
• 35:43
  love
• 35:43
  and
• 35:44
  protect
• 35:44
  it.
• 35:44
  And
• 35:44
  protect.
• 35:45
  Exactly.
• 35:46
  Yeah.
• 35:46
  Right.
• 35:47
  And
• 35:47
  then
• 35:47
  that's
• 35:47
  where
• 35:47
  the
• 35:48
  being
• 35:48
  able
• 35:48
  to
• 35:49
  set
• 35:49
  a
• 35:49
  boundary
• 35:49
  or
• 35:50
  being
• 35:50
  able
• 35:50
  to
• 35:50
  have
• 35:50
  a
• 35:50
  non
• 35:51
  negotiable
• 35:51
  which.
• 35:52
  Oh
• 35:52
  my
• 35:52
  gosh,
• 35:53
  25
• 35:53
  years
• 35:53
  ago
• 35:54
  there
• 35:54
  was
• 35:54
  no
• 35:54
  such
• 35:54
  thing
• 35:54
  as
• 35:55
  a
• 35:55
  non
• 35:55
  negotiable.
• 35:55
  Everything
• 35:56
  was
• 35:56
  negotiable.
• 35:58
  Yeah.
• 35:58
  Yeah.
• 35:58
  Well,
• 35:59
  we're
• 35:59
  not
• 35:59
  that
• 36:00
  far
• 36:00
  removed
• 36:00
  from
• 36:01
  like
• 36:01
  when
• 36:01
  women
• 36:01
  had
• 36:02
  to
• 36:02
  marry
• 36:02
  in
• 36:03
  order
• 36:03
  to
• 36:04
  like
• 36:04
  have
• 36:04
  a
• 36:04
  future.
• 36:05
  Right,
• 36:05
  Right.
• 36:06
  We
• 36:06
  couldn't
• 36:06
  make
• 36:06
  money
• 36:07
  by
• 36:07
  ourselves.
• 36:07
  We
• 36:08
  couldn't
• 36:08
  buy
• 36:08
  a
• 36:08
  house
• 36:08
  by
• 36:09
  ourselves,
• 36:09
  we
• 36:09
  couldn't
• 36:09
  get
• 36:09
  a
• 36:09
  credit
• 36:10
  card
• 36:10
  by
• 36:10
  ourselves.
• 36:11
  So
• 36:11
  like,
• 36:12
  marriage
• 36:12
  was
• 36:13
  survival
• 36:13
  for
• 36:13
  us
• 36:14
  for
• 36:15
  like
• 36:15
  a
• 36:15
  long
• 36:16
  time.
• 36:16
  And
• 36:16
  that
• 36:16
  wasn't
• 36:16
  that
• 36:17
  long
• 36:17
  ago.
• 36:18
  Right.
• 36:18
  So
• 36:18
  the
• 36:18
  fact
• 36:19
  that
• 36:19
  we
• 36:19
  now
• 36:19
  have
• 36:20
  some,
• 36:20
  some
• 36:21
  agency
• 36:22
  in,
• 36:23
  in
• 36:23
  choosing
• 36:23
  who
• 36:24
  we're
• 36:24
  with
• 36:24
  and
• 36:24
  why
• 36:24
  we're
• 36:25
  with
• 36:25
  them
• 36:25
  and
• 36:25
  if
• 36:25
  we
• 36:25
  even
• 36:25
  want
• 36:26
  to
• 36:26
  be
• 36:26
  with
• 36:26
  somebody,
• 36:27
  that's
• 36:27
  a
• 36:27
  new
• 36:28
  concept.
• 36:29
  It's
• 36:30
  really
• 36:30
  profound.
• 36:30
  Where
• 36:31
  we
• 36:31
  are
• 36:32
  now
• 36:32
  compared
• 36:32
  to
• 36:33
  just
• 36:33
  50
• 36:33
  years
• 36:33
  ago.
• 36:34
  Yeah,
• 36:34
  but
• 36:35
  it's
• 36:35
  a
• 36:35
  nice
• 36:35
  concept.
• 36:36
  I
• 36:36
  think
• 36:36
  we're
• 36:37
  in
• 36:37
  a
• 36:37
  good
• 36:37
  place
• 36:37
  right
• 36:37
  now.
• 36:38
  You
• 36:38
  know,
• 36:39
  I
• 36:39
  really
• 36:39
  do.
• 36:39
  I
• 36:40
  think,
• 36:40
  I
• 36:40
  know
• 36:40
  it's
• 36:41
  the
• 36:41
  world's
• 36:41
  crazy
• 36:41
  and
• 36:41
  that
• 36:42
  people
• 36:42
  should
• 36:42
  not
• 36:42
  say
• 36:42
  that,
• 36:43
  but
• 36:43
  I
• 36:44
  think
• 36:44
  we're
• 36:44
  in
• 36:44
  a
• 36:44
  better
• 36:45
  place.
• 36:45
  I
• 36:45
  think
• 36:45
  we're
• 36:45
  in
• 36:46
  a
• 36:46
  more
• 36:46
  place
• 36:47
  where
• 36:47
  people
• 36:47
  are
• 36:47
  believing
• 36:48
  in
• 36:49
  what
• 36:49
  people
• 36:49
  used
• 36:49
  to
• 36:50
  call
• 36:50
  the
• 36:50
  woo
• 36:50
  20
• 36:50
  years
• 36:51
  ago
• 36:51
  and
• 36:51
  now
• 36:51
  it's
• 36:52
  science
• 36:52
  and
• 36:53
  you
• 36:53
  know,
• 36:53
  the
• 36:53
  energy
• 36:54
  and
• 36:54
  like
• 36:54
  you
• 36:54
  said,
• 36:55
  your
• 36:55
  eft
• 36:55
  tapping.
• 36:56
  You
• 36:56
  were
• 36:56
  just
• 36:57
  being
• 36:57
  able
• 36:57
  to
• 36:58
  be
• 36:58
  your
• 36:58
  best
• 36:59
  version
• 36:59
  of
• 36:59
  yourself
• 37:00
  and
• 37:00
  being
• 37:00
  worthy
• 37:01
  to
• 37:01
  do
• 37:01
  it.
• 37:01
  Like
• 37:02
  being
• 37:02
  able
• 37:02
  to
• 37:02
  do
• 37:03
  it
• 37:03
  and
• 37:03
  not
• 37:03
  having
• 37:04
  all
• 37:04
  these,
• 37:05
  you
• 37:05
  know,
• 37:06
  like
• 37:06
  you
• 37:06
  said,
• 37:06
  we
• 37:06
  don't
• 37:07
  have
• 37:07
  to
• 37:07
  get
• 37:08
  married
• 37:08
  to
• 37:08
  have
• 37:08
  a
• 37:09
  future.
• 37:10
  Like,
• 37:10
  you
• 37:10
  don't
• 37:10
  have
• 37:11
  to
• 37:11
  do
• 37:11
  any
• 37:11
  of
• 37:11
  that.
• 37:12
  And
• 37:12
  I
• 37:12
  hopefully,
• 37:13
  I
• 37:13
  think
• 37:13
  if
• 37:13
  enough
• 37:14
  people
• 37:15
  start
• 37:15
  having
• 37:15
  some
• 37:16
  guts
• 37:17
  and
• 37:17
  some,
• 37:17
  like
• 37:17
  you
• 37:18
  said,
• 37:18
  respect
• 37:18
  for
• 37:18
  themselves
• 37:19
  and
• 37:19
  the
• 37:19
  people
• 37:19
  around
• 37:20
  them
• 37:21
  get
• 37:21
  better
• 37:23
  with.
• 37:23
  Every
• 37:24
  generation
• 37:24
  is
• 37:24
  learning
• 37:25
  from
• 37:25
  the
• 37:25
  last.
• 37:25
  Right.
• 37:25
  And
• 37:26
  evolving
• 37:26
  and,
• 37:27
  and
• 37:28
  like
• 37:28
  taking
• 37:28
  what
• 37:29
  that
• 37:29
  generation
• 37:29
  did
• 37:29
  and
• 37:30
  going
• 37:30
  even
• 37:30
  farther
• 37:30
  with
• 37:31
  it.
• 37:31
  So
• 37:32
  I'm,
• 37:32
  I'm
• 37:32
  hopeful
• 37:33
  for.
• 37:33
  I
• 37:34
  have
• 37:34
  a
• 37:34
  daughter
• 37:34
  who's
• 37:35
  turning
• 37:35
  one
• 37:35
  tomorrow
• 37:36
  and
• 37:36
  I'm
• 37:36
  like,
• 37:36
  what
• 37:37
  are,
• 37:37
  what
• 37:37
  are
• 37:37
  you
• 37:38
  gonna
• 37:38
  look
• 37:38
  like
• 37:38
  when
• 37:39
  you're
• 37:39
  at
• 37:39
  the
• 37:39
  age
• 37:40
  of
• 37:40
  dating?
• 37:40
  And
• 37:40
  like,
• 37:41
  what
• 37:41
  are
• 37:41
  your.
• 37:42
  I
• 37:42
  hope
• 37:42
  she's
• 37:43
  gonna
• 37:43
  have
• 37:43
  a
• 37:43
  sense
• 37:43
  of
• 37:43
  self.
• 37:44
  We're
• 37:44
  gonna,
• 37:44
  we're
• 37:44
  gonna
• 37:45
  work
• 37:45
  on
• 37:45
  that
• 37:45
  very
• 37:45
  Intentionally.
• 37:47
  It's
• 37:47
  going
• 37:47
  to
• 37:47
  look
• 37:48
  so
• 37:48
  different
• 37:48
  than
• 37:48
  what
• 37:49
  I
• 37:49
  grew
• 37:49
  up
• 37:49
  with.
• 37:50
  Yeah.
• 37:50
  And
• 37:50
  it's.
• 37:51
  And
• 37:51
  it's
• 37:51
  generational,
• 37:52
  and
• 37:52
  I
• 37:52
  think
• 37:52
  people
• 37:52
  understanding
• 37:53
  that
• 37:53
  now
• 37:53
  it's
• 37:54
  out
• 37:54
  in
• 37:54
  the
• 37:54
  open.
• 37:54
  It's
• 37:55
  not
• 37:55
  a
• 37:55
  secret.
• 37:56
  You
• 37:56
  know,
• 37:56
  it's
• 37:56
  not
• 37:57
  a
• 37:57
  secret
• 37:57
  that
• 37:58
  the
• 37:58
  way
• 37:59
  you
• 37:59
  might
• 37:59
  be
• 37:59
  right
• 38:00
  now,
• 38:00
  if
• 38:00
  you're
• 38:00
  out
• 38:00
  there
• 38:00
  listening,
• 38:01
  could
• 38:01
  be
• 38:01
  your
• 38:02
  great
• 38:02
  grandparents
• 38:03
  issues,
• 38:04
  not
• 38:04
  yours.
• 38:04
  They're
• 38:05
  not
• 38:05
  yours
• 38:05
  to
• 38:05
  carry.
• 38:06
  But
• 38:06
  until
• 38:06
  we
• 38:07
  decide
• 38:08
  that,
• 38:08
  none
• 38:09
  of
• 38:09
  that,
• 38:09
  Mary,
• 38:09
  matters.
• 38:10
  What
• 38:10
  matters
• 38:10
  is
• 38:11
  where
• 38:12
  we're
• 38:12
  at
• 38:12
  right
• 38:12
  now
• 38:13
  and
• 38:13
  that
• 38:13
  there's
• 38:13
  somewhere
• 38:14
  better
• 38:14
  it
• 38:14
  can
• 38:14
  be.
• 38:15
  And
• 38:16
  that's.
• 38:16
  And.
• 38:16
  And
• 38:17
  taking
• 38:17
  the
• 38:17
  steps.
• 38:18
  And
• 38:18
  like
• 38:18
  you
• 38:18
  said,
• 38:18
  there's
• 38:19
  so
• 38:19
  many
• 38:19
  different
• 38:20
  modalities
• 38:20
  now,
• 38:21
  so
• 38:21
  many
• 38:21
  different
• 38:21
  things
• 38:21
  people
• 38:22
  can
• 38:22
  try.
• 38:23
  There's.
• 38:24
  You're
• 38:24
  the
• 38:25
  only
• 38:25
  one
• 38:25
  holding
• 38:25
  yourself
• 38:25
  back
• 38:26
  if
• 38:26
  you're
• 38:26
  not
• 38:26
  looking
• 38:26
  for
• 38:27
  something,
• 38:27
  if.
• 38:28
  If
• 38:28
  you're
• 38:28
  not
• 38:28
  where
• 38:28
  you
• 38:28
  want
• 38:29
  to
• 38:29
  be.
• 38:29
  Yeah,
• 38:30
  but
• 38:30
  there's.
• 38:30
  There's
• 38:31
  a
• 38:31
  Carl
• 38:31
  Jung
• 38:32
  quote
• 38:32
  that
• 38:32
  I
• 38:32
  want
• 38:32
  to
• 38:33
  offer
• 38:33
  to
• 38:33
  your
• 38:34
  listeners
• 38:34
  that's.
• 38:35
  I'm
• 38:35
  gonna.
• 38:36
  I
• 38:36
  might
• 38:36
  butcher
• 38:36
  it,
• 38:36
  but
• 38:36
  it's
• 38:37
  something
• 38:37
  along
• 38:37
  the
• 38:37
  lines
• 38:37
  of,
• 38:38
  until
• 38:39
  you
• 38:39
  make
• 38:39
  the
• 38:39
  unconscious
• 38:40
  consciousness,
• 38:41
  it
• 38:41
  will
• 38:41
  direct
• 38:42
  your
• 38:42
  life
• 38:42
  and
• 38:42
  you
• 38:42
  will
• 38:43
  call
• 38:43
  it
• 38:43
  fate.
• 38:44
  I.
• 38:44
  You
• 38:44
  know,
• 38:44
  it's
• 38:45
  so
• 38:45
  funny,
• 38:45
  I
• 38:45
  think
• 38:45
  you
• 38:45
  said
• 38:45
  that
• 38:45
  on
• 38:46
  the
• 38:46
  last
• 38:46
  episode,
• 38:46
  too,
• 38:47
  because
• 38:47
  I
• 38:47
  was
• 38:47
  like,
• 38:47
  oh,
• 38:47
  I'm
• 38:47
  gonna
• 38:48
  have
• 38:48
  to
• 38:48
  remember
• 38:48
  that
• 38:48
  one.
• 38:49
  Yeah,
• 38:49
  I
• 38:49
  love
• 38:49
  it.
• 38:49
  No,
• 38:50
  you
• 38:50
  did
• 38:50
  not
• 38:50
  butcher
• 38:50
  it.
• 38:51
  You.
• 38:51
  You
• 38:51
  did
• 38:51
  it
• 38:52
  perfectly.
• 38:52
  It's.
• 38:53
  But
• 38:54
  it's
• 38:54
  true.
• 38:54
  It
• 38:55
  hits
• 38:55
  me
• 38:55
  in
• 38:55
  that
• 38:56
  way
• 38:56
  that's
• 38:56
  just
• 38:56
  like.
• 38:57
  Oh,
• 38:57
  like.
• 38:58
  Like
• 38:58
  beautiful.
• 38:59
  Responsibility
• 39:00
  of.
• 39:00
  Yes.
• 39:01
  If
• 39:01
  you're
• 39:01
  not
• 39:02
  trying
• 39:02
  to
• 39:02
  understand
• 39:03
  or
• 39:03
  do
• 39:03
  something
• 39:04
  different,
• 39:04
  you're
• 39:04
  gonna
• 39:04
  do
• 39:05
  the
• 39:05
  same
• 39:05
  thing.
• 39:05
  Because
• 39:06
  again,
• 39:06
  the
• 39:06
  familiarity,
• 39:07
  the
• 39:07
  efficiency,
• 39:08
  the,
• 39:09
  like,
• 39:09
  living
• 39:10
  your
• 39:10
  life
• 39:10
  asleep
• 39:11
  is
• 39:11
  kind
• 39:11
  of
• 39:11
  what
• 39:11
  it.
• 39:11
  What
• 39:12
  it
• 39:12
  feels
• 39:12
  like
• 39:12
  to
• 39:12
  me.
• 39:13
  Yep.
• 39:14
  And
• 39:14
  ultimately,
• 39:15
  yeah,
• 39:15
  it's
• 39:15
  your
• 39:15
  choice
• 39:16
  what.
• 39:16
  You
• 39:17
  can
• 39:17
  stay
• 39:17
  that
• 39:17
  way.
• 39:18
  I
• 39:18
  mean,
• 39:18
  I
• 39:18
  tell
• 39:19
  people,
• 39:19
  if
• 39:19
  you're
• 39:19
  standing
• 39:19
  here
• 39:20
  right
• 39:20
  now
• 39:20
  and
• 39:20
  you're
• 39:20
  listening
• 39:21
  to
• 39:21
  this
• 39:21
  podcast,
• 39:22
  kudos
• 39:23
  to
• 39:23
  you.
• 39:23
  You're
• 39:23
  a
• 39:23
  warrior.
• 39:24
  You
• 39:24
  made
• 39:24
  it.
• 39:25
  Yes.
• 39:25
  Now
• 39:26
  you
• 39:26
  just
• 39:26
  need
• 39:26
  to
• 39:26
  decide,
• 39:27
  do
• 39:27
  I
• 39:27
  want
• 39:27
  to
• 39:28
  survive,
• 39:28
  which
• 39:29
  you
• 39:29
  did,
• 39:29
  and
• 39:29
  you
• 39:30
  did
• 39:30
  it.
• 39:30
  Great.
• 39:30
  Or
• 39:31
  do
• 39:31
  I
• 39:31
  want
• 39:31
  to
• 39:31
  thrive,
• 39:32
  which
• 39:32
  is
• 39:32
  where
• 39:32
  pure
• 39:33
  joy
• 39:33
  is.
• 39:34
  Is
• 39:34
  in
• 39:34
  the
• 39:34
  thriving.
• 39:35
  So.
• 39:36
  Oh,
• 39:36
  Bri,
• 39:37
  this
• 39:37
  was
• 39:37
  so
• 39:37
  much
• 39:37
  fun.
• 39:37
  I
• 39:38
  will
• 39:38
  have
• 39:38
  to
• 39:38
  do
• 39:38
  this
• 39:38
  again
• 39:39
  in
• 39:39
  another
• 39:39
  year
• 39:39
  and
• 39:40
  a
• 39:40
  half.
• 39:41
  So
• 39:41
  tell
• 39:41
  people
• 39:42
  where
• 39:42
  they
• 39:42
  can
• 39:42
  reach
• 39:42
  you
• 39:42
  if
• 39:43
  they
• 39:43
  want
• 39:43
  to
• 39:43
  work
• 39:43
  with
• 39:43
  you
• 39:44
  or
• 39:44
  want
• 39:44
  to
• 39:44
  find
• 39:45
  out
• 39:45
  more.
• 39:45
  Yeah.
• 39:46
  I
• 39:46
  also
• 39:46
  have
• 39:46
  a
• 39:47
  podcast.
• 39:47
  Mine
• 39:47
  is
• 39:47
  called
• 39:48
  Heartbreak
• 39:48
  to
• 39:48
  Wholeness,
• 39:49
  Untangling
• 39:49
  the
• 39:49
  Mind
• 39:50
  Fuck
• 39:50
  of
• 39:50
  Narcissistic
• 39:51
  Relationships.
• 39:52
  And
• 39:52
  then
• 39:53
  because
• 39:53
  we
• 39:53
  talked
• 39:53
  about
• 39:54
  finding
• 39:54
  yourself
• 39:55
  again
• 39:55
  and
• 39:55
  really
• 39:55
  establishing
• 39:56
  that
• 39:56
  self.
• 39:57
  I
• 39:57
  want
• 39:57
  to
• 39:57
  point
• 39:58
  people
• 39:58
  to
• 39:59
  a
• 39:59
  self
• 39:59
  guided
• 40:00
  course
• 40:00
  that
• 40:00
  I
• 40:00
  have
• 40:00
  that's
• 40:01
  called
• 40:01
  Find
• 40:01
  Yourself
• 40:01
  Again.
• 40:02
  That
• 40:02
  really
• 40:03
  leads
• 40:03
  you
• 40:03
  through
• 40:04
  that
• 40:04
  process.
• 40:05
  So
• 40:05
  if
• 40:05
  you
• 40:05
  want
• 40:05
  a
• 40:05
  little
• 40:06
  bit
• 40:06
  of
• 40:07
  support
• 40:07
  and
• 40:08
  like
• 40:08
  going
• 40:08
  through
• 40:09
  those
• 40:09
  exercises
• 40:10
  and
• 40:10
  you
• 40:11
  get
• 40:11
  a
• 40:11
  couple
• 40:11
  of
• 40:11
  sessions
• 40:11
  with
• 40:12
  me
• 40:12
  too
• 40:12
  in
• 40:12
  that
• 40:13
  I
• 40:13
  have
• 40:13
  people
• 40:14
  who
• 40:14
  sometimes
• 40:14
  start
• 40:14
  with
• 40:15
  that
• 40:15
  self
• 40:15
  guided
• 40:16
  program
• 40:16
  and
• 40:16
  then
• 40:16
  transition
• 40:17
  into
• 40:18
  more,
• 40:18
  more
• 40:19
  depth
• 40:19
  programs
• 40:20
  that
• 40:20
  I
• 40:20
  have.
• 40:20
  Okay.
• 40:21
  Because
• 40:21
  we
• 40:21
  talked
• 40:21
  about
• 40:22
  that.
• 40:22
  That
• 40:22
  feels
• 40:22
  important
• 40:23
  for
• 40:23
  this,
• 40:23
  this
• 40:24
  resource.
• 40:25
  Otherwise
• 40:26
  everything's
• 40:26
  on
• 40:26
  my
• 40:26
  website.
• 40:27
  So
• 40:27
  you
• 40:27
  can
• 40:27
  kind
• 40:27
  of
• 40:27
  take
• 40:28
  a
• 40:28
  poke
• 40:28
  around
• 40:28
  and
• 40:29
  that's
• 40:29
  just
• 40:29
  br
• 40:29
  wala.com
• 40:31
  b
• 40:31
  r
• 40:31
  e
• 40:31
  w
• 40:32
  o
• 40:32
  l
• 40:32
  t
• 40:32
  a
• 40:33
  dot
• 40:33
  com
• 40:34
  okay.
• 40:34
  It's.
• 40:35
  It's
• 40:35
  funny
• 40:35
  that
• 40:35
  people
• 40:36
  that
• 40:36
  are
• 40:36
  in
• 40:36
  this
• 40:36
  work.
• 40:37
  Thank
• 40:37
  you
• 40:37
  all.
• 40:37
  Thank
• 40:37
  you
• 40:38
  so
• 40:38
  much.
• 40:38
  And
• 40:38
  I
• 40:38
  will
• 40:38
  put
• 40:39
  those
• 40:39
  in
• 40:39
  the
• 40:39
  show
• 40:39
  notes
• 40:39
  too
• 40:40
  so
• 40:40
  people
• 40:40
  can
• 40:40
  grab
• 40:41
  them
• 40:41
  and
• 40:41
  also
• 40:41
  go
• 40:41
  back
• 40:42
  and
• 40:42
  listen
• 40:42
  to
• 40:42
  episode
• 40:42
  89
• 40:43
  I
• 40:43
  think
• 40:43
  it
• 40:43
  was
• 40:44
  because
• 40:44
  we
• 40:44
  went
• 40:45
  all
• 40:45
  over
• 40:45
  all
• 40:45
  kinds
• 40:46
  of
• 40:46
  different
• 40:46
  stuff
• 40:46
  on
• 40:46
  that
• 40:46
  one
• 40:47
  too.
• 40:47
  So
• 40:47
  it
• 40:47
  was
• 40:47
  fun.
• 40:48
  It's
• 40:49
  funny
• 40:49
  though
• 40:49
  that
• 40:49
  people
• 40:49
  that
• 40:50
  in
• 40:50
  this
• 40:50
  niche
• 40:50
  and
• 40:51
  what
• 40:51
  we're
• 40:51
  doing
• 40:51
  because
• 40:52
  my
• 40:53
  main,
• 40:54
  I
• 40:54
  have
• 40:54
  one
• 40:54
  big
• 40:55
  course.
• 40:55
  It's
• 40:55
  trials
• 40:56
  to
• 40:56
  triumph.
• 40:57
  But
• 40:57
  my
• 40:58
  main
• 40:58
  little
• 40:59
  entry
• 40:59
  point
• 40:59
  is
• 41:00
  awakening
• 41:00
  your
• 41:00
  authentic
• 41:01
  self
• 41:01
  is
• 41:02
  my
• 41:02
  course.
• 41:02
  So
• 41:02
  it's.
• 41:03
  It's
• 41:03
  like.
• 41:03
  Because
• 41:04
  that's
• 41:04
  what
• 41:04
  you
• 41:04
  have
• 41:04
  to
• 41:05
  do.
• 41:05
  You
• 41:05
  have
• 41:05
  to
• 41:05
  have
• 41:05
  that
• 41:06
  sense
• 41:06
  of
• 41:06
  self
• 41:06
  and
• 41:06
  it
• 41:06
  is
• 41:07
  bringing
• 41:07
  the
• 41:07
  unconscious
• 41:08
  to
• 41:08
  the
• 41:08
  conscious
• 41:09
  and,
• 41:10
  and
• 41:10
  dealing
• 41:11
  with
• 41:11
  it
• 41:11
  all
• 41:11
  and
• 41:12
  unpacking
• 41:12
  it
• 41:12
  and,
• 41:13
  and
• 41:14
  embracing
• 41:14
  it
• 41:14
  and
• 41:15
  sitting
• 41:15
  with
• 41:15
  it
• 41:15
  and
• 41:15
  all
• 41:16
  the
• 41:16
  mess.
• 41:16
  But
• 41:16
  the
• 41:17
  fun
• 41:17
  mess,
• 41:17
  the
• 41:17
  stuff
• 41:18
  that
• 41:18
  when
• 41:18
  you
• 41:18
  get
• 41:18
  through
• 41:18
  the
• 41:19
  mess,
• 41:19
  it's
• 41:19
  so
• 41:19
  joyous
• 41:19
  on
• 41:20
  the
• 41:20
  other
• 41:20
  side.
• 41:20
  So
• 41:21
  yeah,
• 41:21
  yeah,
• 41:21
  there
• 41:22
  really
• 41:22
  is
• 41:22
  a
• 41:22
  different
• 41:22
  way
• 41:23
  of
• 41:24
  living
• 41:24
  and
• 41:24
  to
• 41:25
  believe
• 41:25
  that
• 41:26
  as
• 41:26
  you're
• 41:26
  going
• 41:26
  through
• 41:27
  the
• 41:27
  hard
• 41:27
  mess
• 41:27
  is
• 41:28
  really
• 41:28
  important
• 41:29
  and
• 41:30
  needed
• 41:30
  to
• 41:30
  keep
• 41:30
  that,
• 41:32
  keep
• 41:32
  that
• 41:32
  just
• 41:33
  momentum
• 41:33
  going.
• 41:34
  Because
• 41:34
  otherwise
• 41:35
  why
• 41:37
  if
• 41:37
  there's
• 41:37
  not
• 41:37
  something
• 41:37
  better
• 41:38
  on
• 41:38
  the
• 41:38
  other
• 41:38
  side,
• 41:40
  I
• 41:40
  want
• 41:40
  to
• 41:40
  also
• 41:41
  leave
• 41:41
  a
• 41:41
  freebie
• 41:41
  for
• 41:42
  the
• 41:42
  listeners.
• 41:42
  That's
• 41:43
  called
• 41:43
  trust
• 41:43
  yourself
• 41:44
  more
• 41:44
  than
• 41:44
  his
• 41:44
  potential.
• 41:45
  Okay.
• 41:46
  And
• 41:46
  that's
• 41:47
  for
• 41:47
  the
• 41:47
  woman
• 41:47
  who's
• 41:48
  stuck
• 41:48
  in
• 41:48
  that
• 41:48
  cycle
• 41:48
  of
• 41:49
  going
• 41:49
  back,
• 41:51
  who's
• 41:51
  fine.
• 41:51
  Like
• 41:52
  I
• 41:52
  know
• 41:52
  it's
• 41:52
  really
• 41:52
  bad.
• 41:53
  We
• 41:53
  break
• 41:53
  up
• 41:54
  and
• 41:54
  then
• 41:54
  I
• 41:54
  believe
• 41:54
  him
• 41:55
  and
• 41:55
  I
• 41:55
  believe
• 41:55
  the
• 41:55
  potential
• 41:56
  and
• 41:56
  I
• 41:56
  want
• 41:56
  to
• 41:56
  get
• 41:56
  out
• 41:57
  of
• 41:57
  that
• 41:57
  cycle.
• 41:58
  That's
• 41:58
  a
• 41:58
  free
• 41:58
  guide
• 41:59
  that
• 41:59
  they
• 41:59
  can
• 41:59
  opt
• 41:59
  into
• 42:01
  to
• 42:01
  leave
• 42:01
  a
• 42:01
  free
• 42:02
  resource
• 42:02
  also.
• 42:03
  Okay.
• 42:03
  And
• 42:04
  I
• 42:04
  will
• 42:04
  put
• 42:05
  some
• 42:05
  of
• 42:06
  those
• 42:06
  in
• 42:06
  the
• 42:06
  show
• 42:06
  notes
• 42:06
  too
• 42:07
  so
• 42:07
  I
• 42:07
  can
• 42:07
  link
• 42:07
  right
• 42:07
  to
• 42:08
  them.
• 42:08
  Or
• 42:08
  just
• 42:08
  put
• 42:08
  your
• 42:08
  website.
• 42:09
  I'll
• 42:09
  put
• 42:09
  it
• 42:09
  all
• 42:09
  in
• 42:09
  there
• 42:10
  so
• 42:10
  people
• 42:10
  can
• 42:10
  get
• 42:10
  hold
• 42:10
  of
• 42:11
  you.
• 42:11
  But
• 42:12
  thank
• 42:12
  you
• 42:12
  again
• 42:13
  so
• 42:13
  much
• 42:13
  for
• 42:13
  coming
• 42:13
  on.
• 42:14
  Yes.
• 42:14
  Thank
• 42:15
  you,
• 42:15
  Tammy.
• 42:16
  You're
• 42:16
  very
• 42:16
  welcome.
• 42:16
  And
• 42:17
  for
• 42:17
  everybody
• 42:17
  else
• 42:17
  out
• 42:17
  there
• 42:18
  listening,
• 42:18
  I
• 42:18
  couldn't
• 42:18
  have
• 42:19
  said
• 42:19
  it
• 42:19
  any
• 42:19
  better.
• 42:19
  So
• 42:20
  that
• 42:20
  is
• 42:20
  Brie
• 42:20
  Walta.
• 42:21
  And
• 42:22
  just
• 42:22
  love
• 42:23
  yourself
• 42:23
  enough
• 42:23
  or
• 42:24
  know
• 42:24
  that
• 42:24
  you
• 42:24
  are
• 42:24
  so
• 42:25
  valuable
• 42:25
  and
• 42:25
  so
• 42:26
  worth
• 42:26
  every
• 42:26
  single
• 42:26
  step
• 42:27
  you
• 42:27
  make
• 42:27
  going
• 42:27
  forward
• 42:28
  to
• 42:28
  a
• 42:28
  better,
• 42:28
  joyous,
• 42:29
  more
• 42:29
  happy
• 42:30
  you.
• 42:30
  So
• 42:30
  we'll
• 42:31
  see
• 42:31
  you
• 42:31
  next
• 42:31
  week.