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From Soft Chairs To Solid Ground: Building Real Safety And Steadiness · Work Stress Anxiety | Burnout Prevention & Work Anxiety Help

• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Hello my lovelies, this is ABGW, amazing, brilliant, gorgeous, wonderful, Cheryl here.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Now, in the last episode, we named the beast.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: When relax becomes disappear.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now today we're going to look at what actually creates safety and steadiness.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because comfort and safety are not the same thing.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: Comfort is a soft chair.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Safety is the feeling that you can be in your life without flinching all the time.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: So we'll explore where your leverage really is without pretending it's easy.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, the office chair is back.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's basically a recurring character at this point.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about comfort.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know it too.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Modern life is obsessed with it.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: We've got chairs designed to cuddle your spine into sufficient.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Mattresses that promise to arrange your problems.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Apps that soothe you while quietly stealing your attention.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: And as you already know, we we sit very still, most of us, for eight hours.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: We come home depleted and we wonder why everything aches.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Why our patience is razor thin?
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Why the smallest request from a child can feel like someone shaking a fizzy drink.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's the truth comfort can be pleasant, but it doesn't automatically make you well.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: A super soft mattress doesn't make life easier.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: It makes lying down easier.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: An ultra comfy office chair doesn't make your body healthier.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: It makes sitting still more tempting.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: An evening of zoning out doesn't always create rest.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it creates avoidance.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: So let's bring this back to something more humane, um, maybe less furniture-based.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: What your nervous system is looking for isn't softness, it's safety.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: And safety often comes from two things we underestimate being in a relationship that holds you, really holds you, and having an internal stance that doesn't crumble under demand.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now the second one matters much, much more, I think, for us professional women, because we're trained to cope, we can perform competency on fumes.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: You can smile when your brain is screaming, you can carry your team, deadlines, households, and still feel guilty for wanting 10 minutes alone.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: So let me ask you something.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Are you trying to make life easier or are you trying to become sturdier inside life?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because easier is not always comfortable, it's not always available, not will work, not will parenting, not will neurodiversity in the mix, not with a partner who doesn't step up, not with financial pressure, but sturdiness, hmm.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's slightly different.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a demand, to me, it's more like a direction.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I want to revisit the parenting thread just for a minute because it's the emotional chord here, emotional core.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: That speaker you mentioned, the one emphasizing one-to-one time with each child, especially from fathers and male role models.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: I want to underline the key without turning this into a lecture.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: To me, the point isn't perfection, the point is presence, presence, and presence doesn't have to be like a big theatrical thing.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to look like one of those ping interest families, it can be small, it can be ordinary, it can be tell me what you're thinking instead of hurry up.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: It can be eye contact for long enough that your child feels that you actually have arrived.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: So, what does presence look like in your home?
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Not ideally, but realistically.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: If you can imagine it, that's okay.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Just notice that you can't imagine, always imagine it that data.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Not a failing, that's okay.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: And what would your child say they get from you most evenings?
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Attention, management, or both.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because many exhausted parents that I know slip into management mode is sufficient, it's survival, it's also where connection unfortunately goes to die.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Now I want to say something carefully, especially if you're parenting a neurodiverse child, because connection might look different to you, it might be shorter, it might be more structured, it might be a shared interest, a routine, a predictable moment.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: It might not be long chats, it might not be cuddles, it might be side by side rather than face to face.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: But the thing is, it still counts, and boundaries still count too.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: If you've ever thought, if I say no, I'll feel cruel, you're not alone.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: When many women feel as if we've been trained to equate boundaries with rejection, but boundaries, I see it, done with steadiness, are often a form of care.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: They tell your partner, they tell a child, you're not in charge of everything, I'm here, I can hold this.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: So here's a question for you, my lovelies, because it cuts through the noise.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: If you could hold your stress at arm's length, what would you notice that you can't see close up?
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: Would you see how much you're carrying?
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Would you see where support is missing?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Would you see that you're asking yourself to do the impossible in a really polite voice?
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where resources come in.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Not as a do this now, but as a truth.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because support matters, practical support, emotional support, fair distribution of labor, community, professional help if you need it.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Not because you're weak, but because you're human.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: And if your partner doesn't help, I'm not going to pretend that listening to this podcast episode can fix it.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: But what I will say is this naming reality clearly is the beginning of agency.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate that's not a motivational quote, but to me it's a grown-up woman quote.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, let's land on state.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: When your inner state is fried, everything feels like an attack.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: A question feels like criticism, a child's needs feels like a demand.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: A simple request feels like a last straw sometimes.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: So the aim for me is not to be come all the time, because that's impossible.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: The aim is what would enough look like if you stopped aiming for perfection?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: Enough connection to keep your relationships alive, enough rest that you return as yourself, and enough honesty that you stop disappearing and start choosing.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's the sturdier part.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Not easy, I appreciate, but real.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: So, quick recap for you.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Comfort isn't the same as safety, and soft solutions don't always restore you.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Sturdiness comes from being present, support, and in a state that doesn't collapse under pressure or demand, even when life stays hard.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: So, if you enjoyed any part of this, remember to subscribe, share, and repeat.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because remember, every step you take, no matter how small, is a step towards a brighter, more balanced future.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: So remember, trust in your journey and remember progress is progress no matter the pace.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Bye for now.