Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 617: Dumper Social Media Behavior

Transcript

Episode 617: Dumper Social Media Behavior · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:00
  Hi, this is Lucia with The Art of Love.
• 0:02
  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing helping you
• 0:06
  get your ex back or to get over your ex.
• 0:09
  This week I want to talk about a dumper's social media behavior.
• 0:13
  Does your ex want you back? Pretty much everyone uses social
• 0:18
  media today. Well, almost everyone.
• 0:21
  And after a breakup, both sexes are usually watching what the
• 0:24
  other one is up to. So if you've been broken up
• 0:28
  with, is it possible to know from what your ex is posting
• 0:33
  whether you have a chance to get back with them or not?
• 0:36
  Well, stay tuned and you'll find out.
• 0:38
  But first I want to welcome back my beautiful no contact army.
• 0:43
  If you are having trouble staying in No contact, be sure
• 0:46
  to download my app Silencio. The link is underneath every
• 0:49
  single video and every single podcast.
• 0:51
  And if you too would like to join our no contact army, all
• 0:54
  you have to do is hit the subscribe button and the spell
• 0:58
  notification and you're in. And to read our manual, go to
• 1:03
  nocontactsecrets.com where you can read two free chapters
• 1:06
  before you purchase the book. OK, so if you have an anxious
• 1:11
  attachment style and you're not going to be able to control
• 1:15
  yourself, if you see something that your ex posted that
• 1:18
  triggers you, then I would suggest that you do not check
• 1:22
  their social media and that you mute their posts and stories.
• 1:28
  Otherwise it's going to be very easy to break no contact because
• 1:31
  you're going to be connecting dots that aren't even there.
• 1:34
  I wouldn't recommend blocking just yet, but if you are not
• 1:39
  going to be able to stay away or mute, then please yes block and
• 1:45
  I've done a video on that and I'll put the link in the upper
• 1:47
  right hand corner on YouTube. However, if you have an avoidant
• 1:50
  attachment style or a secure attachment style, I'm not
• 1:53
  worried about you. I know you're not going to break
• 1:55
  no contact, so go ahead and check your ex's social media.
• 1:59
  Not a problem. OK, so let's say your ex is
• 2:03
  posting positive things right after the breakup.
• 2:07
  Their posts are positive. So you may be thinking, wow, do
• 2:10
  they even care that they've broken my heart?
• 2:13
  But remember, people show you what they want to show you on
• 2:17
  social media. They control the narrative.
• 2:20
  Doesn't mean that they aren't thinking about you at all.
• 2:24
  Doesn't mean they're partying all day, every day.
• 2:27
  They may be just trying to distract themselves.
• 2:29
  They're focused on themselves right now, especially if they're
• 2:31
  in the relief stage, so they're not posting to make you angry or
• 2:36
  make you think that they don't care.
• 2:38
  Maybe they're trying to convince themselves so that they'll feel
• 2:42
  better than they actually do, and maybe they're trying to make
• 2:47
  you jealous to provoke an emotional response from you.
• 2:50
  But remember our No contact Army slogan.
• 2:53
  We don't react. We do no contact.
• 2:56
  And that's how you shift the power from your ex to you when
• 3:00
  you show that whatever they post, you're not reaching out
• 3:04
  unless you cheated or took them for granted.
• 3:07
  Now what if they're posting negative things or unusual
• 3:10
  things? You may think, oh, they're
• 3:14
  trying to get me to contact them.
• 3:16
  Well, too bad. If they want you to contact
• 3:20
  them, they're going to have to reach out because you're not
• 3:23
  contacting them. Unless, of course, again, you
• 3:25
  cheated or took them for granted.
• 3:27
  And by the way, the definition of taking for granted is that
• 3:31
  they did not feel that they were important to you, that they did
• 3:36
  not feel they were a priority for you.
• 3:37
  That's what I mean by take for granted, Okay.
• 3:41
  But most of the time, when they're posting negative or
• 3:43
  unusual things, they're not trying to get you to contact
• 3:46
  them. They think that they can just
• 3:49
  reach out to you and you will probably respond.
• 3:53
  But again, they don't know that you joined the no contact army
• 3:56
  and that you will not be responding for bread crumbs.
• 3:59
  So if you're posting negative things, they may be looking for
• 4:01
  sympathy and support from others.
• 4:05
  So don't think that they're expecting you to reach out.
• 4:07
  Allow them to go through their sadness and their depression.
• 4:11
  And as bad as this may sound, the worse they feel the better.
• 4:15
  Actually it is for you, because the more likely it is that they
• 4:18
  will reach out out to you. So definitely don't think, oh,
• 4:22
  they're in pain, they were hurting.
• 4:24
  I must reach out. No, let them go through their
• 4:27
  pain. So maybe they'll reach out to
• 4:29
  you again, unless you cheated or took them for granted.
• 4:33
  Now here's the big one. They're watching your stories.
• 4:37
  Does that mean they want you to contact them?
• 4:41
  Probably not. Now, even if it does, again, too
• 4:45
  bad. They're going to have to reach
• 4:47
  out to you. It could be curiosity.
• 4:51
  And many times your ex will watch all your stories, every
• 4:56
  single one of them, and then at some point block you.
• 5:00
  Now, not all exes do this, but I've seen this happen often
• 5:03
  enough. So I want you to be immensely
• 5:06
  prepared for that possibility. That yes, right now they're
• 5:09
  watching all your stories, but one day, poof, they might be
• 5:12
  gone. Maybe they want to see how
• 5:14
  you're handling the breakup. And if they're feeling guilty,
• 5:18
  they're hoping that through your stories they'll find out what
• 5:20
  you're actually doing, and they're hoping that you'll show
• 5:24
  that you're okay and that way they can feel less guilty.
• 5:27
  And also keep in mind that people's feelings do not
• 5:31
  disappear overnight, even though they break up with you, so they
• 5:36
  may still have feelings for you. Again, doesn't mean they want to
• 5:39
  get back together right now, but obviously they're still going to
• 5:42
  have feelings for you, so they want to see what's going on.
• 5:47
  Now. Don't start over posting,
• 5:49
  because that would be a way of actually breaking no contact
• 5:54
  indirectly. Meaning, if you usually post
• 5:56
  once a day and suddenly you're posting three or four times a
• 5:59
  day, then they're going to figure out it's for them.
• 6:02
  Okay. So unless you're going to some
• 6:04
  event, a wedding party, whatever, where it's appropriate
• 6:08
  to post multiple times, multiple photos, videos, then go ahead.
• 6:13
  Otherwise, there's no need to over post if you normally don't
• 6:18
  post a lot. And if you're at SO, if your
• 6:22
  experts watching your stories and then they stop and it
• 6:25
  affects your mental health, then you need to block them again.
• 6:31
  I'm not into blocking, especially in the first two
• 6:33
  months after a breakup, but mental health comes first and it
• 6:39
  is a good sign if they're watching your stories, but don't
• 6:43
  necessarily think that it means that you want to get back
• 6:45
  together again. They need to make a move, not
• 6:48
  you. And by the way, if you're
• 6:50
  enjoying this so far, be sure to hit a subscribe button so you
• 6:53
  don't miss out on any future videos.
• 6:56
  Okay. Now if they are posting more
• 6:59
  than they normally post, they may be trying to get your
• 7:02
  attention. So depending on the reason for
• 7:05
  the breakup, they may be trying to get back at you and show you
• 7:09
  that they don't need you in their life and they're happy.
• 7:13
  If they're showing off the new person, especially if they
• 7:17
  rarely or ever posted, then they may be trying to get your
• 7:23
  attention. Most people don't post a new
• 7:25
  person right away. They wait to see how it's going
• 7:26
  to go right. And some people never post a
• 7:29
  person they're dating. Or they may show an occasional
• 7:32
  arm or leg, haha. But you are giving them power by
• 7:37
  giving them attention, so you're not supposed to be watching
• 7:39
  their stories anyway. That's a way of breaking no
• 7:42
  contact. And if you are watching them,
• 7:46
  then you're going to have to start the count all over again
• 7:49
  once you stop watching them. And then finally, if they're
• 7:53
  showing achievements, they want to show that they are doing
• 7:58
  better now and they're hoping that you'll reach out to
• 8:02
  congratulate them sometimes and sometimes not.
• 8:06
  The fact is, we can't ever be totally 100% sure that an ex
• 8:12
  wants us back based solely on their social media.
• 8:18
  And even if they say something like, oh, I wish you were back,
• 8:25
  even if it seems to be that direct and yet they broke up
• 8:27
  with you, you still cannot reach out.
• 8:30
  They need to make the move, okay.
• 8:34
  So it's not just the stories that will give you the answer to
• 8:38
  the question, does Max want me back?
• 8:39
  That's just some part of it. You have to wait for other
• 8:43
  signs, which I've talked about in other videos.
• 8:47
  Okay. And then finally, I actually
• 8:50
  have a little success story because I don't do success
• 8:55
  stories videos anymore, but I do add them to the videos once in a
• 8:59
  while. This was my client and she
• 9:03
  finally heard from her ex. Okay, she goes, all right,
• 9:07
  Lucia, I was super anxious the whole time.
• 9:09
  I know, I know. She was constantly posting in
• 9:13
  the comments on YouTube. I was like, wow, this girl was
• 9:15
  having a tough time and no contact.
• 9:17
  Been in no contact for 80 days. I ignored him.
• 9:21
  So he originally reached out to her on day 45 and I said Nope,
• 9:25
  do not respond to that. Then he reached out again on day
• 9:29
  59, and again she did not respond because it was a
• 9:32
  breadcrumb and she was starting to doubt.
• 9:36
  My theory is just like, Are you sure?
• 9:39
  Yes, I'm sure. Have faith, girl.
• 9:41
  Have faith, she goes on to say He flew across the country and
• 9:46
  showed up at my door today and beg me, I'm going to tell the
• 9:53
  other coaches about this, that make video saying not to ignore.
• 9:56
  Yeah, they don't care. They're not going to change
• 9:59
  their minds. Okay, they They've already set
• 10:02
  their flag in the sand about which side they're on and
• 10:05
  they're telling their clients to never ignore a message.
• 10:08
  They're not suddenly switching sides.
• 10:10
  So but thanks for offering. I didn't expect us.
• 10:14
  Well, you should have keep telling you guys.
• 10:19
  If you just ignore the bread crumbs and do no contact, you
• 10:23
  never know what can happen. You'll hear from them, and then
• 10:26
  they even show up at your door. OK, so now I want to hear from
• 10:30
  you which of these behaviors that I just described from your
• 10:35
  ex's posting behavior, which one of these behaviors is your ex
• 10:40
  doing? And in the meantime, if you
• 10:42
  would like my help to get your ex back, just like the girl
• 10:46
  whose comment I read, or is she a woman?
• 10:48
  Is she a girl? Is she a woman?
• 10:49
  Who knows? If you'd like to get my help,
• 10:52
  contact me at theartoflove.net and we will send you the rates.
• 10:56
  The direct link is below every single video and podcast.
• 10:59
  If you found this video helpful, please like, subscribe and
• 11:01
  share. If you're listening to this as a
• 11:04
  podcast, please rate and review. And finally, remember that love
• 11:07
  inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.