Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 694: 3 Biggest Mistakes That RUIN Your Chances Of Getting Your Ex Back

Transcript

Episode 694: 3 Biggest Mistakes That RUIN Your Chances Of Getting Your Ex Back · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:00
  No contact is simple. It's not necessarily easy, but
• 0:07
  it is simple in the sense that there aren't a lot of things you
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  need to remember to do or not do.
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  All you have to do is not reach out to your ex and not respond
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  unless they say something significant.
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  And by significant, I mean that they say something that leads
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  you to believe that they are rethinking their decision and
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  they may want to get back together.
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  Everything else is a breadcrumb. So although it may be difficult
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  if you have an anxious attachment style, no contact is
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  simple. However, where people make their
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  mistakes when they're trying to get an X back is when they are
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  in contact with their X. So I want to talk about the
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  biggest mistakes people make once they're in contact after
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  being in a period of no contact. Hi, this is Lucia with the Art
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  of Love. I'm a dating and relationship
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  expert specializing in helping you get your X back or to get
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  over your X. And welcome back my beautiful no
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  contact army. If you have downloaded my app
• 1:14
  Silencio, be sure to update it as we regularly fix bugs and
• 1:18
  make changes. And if you haven't downloaded
• 1:21
  it, the link is underneath every single video and podcast.
• 1:25
  And be sure to check out our No Contact Army manual where you
• 1:30
  can read 2 free chapters before you purchase the book and that
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  is at nocontactsecrets.com. And yes, of course the link is
• 1:37
  underneath every video and podcast.
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  So before I start, I want to mention something that's been on
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  my mind and that is that believe it or not, 65% of people who
• 1:46
  listen to me are not subscribed. So if I can ask you a favor, it
• 1:51
  would be if my videos have ever helped you and you want to give
• 1:55
  me back in return, then please just hit the subscribe button.
• 1:59
  And I promise that I will continue to work hard to put out
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  interesting and helpful videos so that you will have a better
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  chance of getting your X back. Thank you.
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  OK, so to illustrate the mistakes that people make when
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  they're trying to get it next back, I'm going to use the
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  example of a woman I know who is not a client, who made pretty
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  much all the mistakes you can make in trying to get an X back.
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  So she was dating this guy. They were never official or
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  exclusive. And she broke up with him
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  because he didn't want to commit.
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  And she had something at his home, something that some sort
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  of kitchen, something I don't know.
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  And she didn't go to get it when she broke up with him.
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  She thought, you know what, I'll just buy another one.
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  I don't want to see him again. If I ever need that I'll just
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  buy another one. OK?
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  Keep this in mind. It's a very important part of
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  the story and he never brought it up.
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  So time goes on, she starts dating someone else and she
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  thinks this new guy is the love of her life, is the one, is the
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  soulmate. And unfortunately after a few
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  months he breaks up with her. So she's devastated.
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  Now, whenever someone breaks up with you, you usually want
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  comfort. You want to be with someone who
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  you know has positive feelings for you, or at least had
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  positive feelings for you. So often that means that you
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  want to speak to the last person you dated before this breakup.
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  So she wanted to have contact with the ex, the one she broke
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  up with, even though consciously she may not have thought that,
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  subconsciously she did. And so even though she had said,
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  oh, well, if I ever need that item, I'll just buy another one,
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  Did she do that? No.
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  And that led to, well, disastrous results, as you're
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  going to see. So she contacted him to get it
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  back. And she said, listen, you can
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  just leave it on your front door and I'll pick it up.
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  But secretly, she was probably hoping that he wouldn't do that.
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  And in fact, he said no, no, it's OK, I'll drop it off.
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  Sure. So they arranged a time for him
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  to drop it off. Did he just drop it off and
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  leave? Of course not.
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  They both want to get their dopamine, fix their dopamine
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  hits because you know when it involves getting an X back,
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  you're a junkie and you'll do anything to get a hit.
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  So he came in and they talked for two hours, which is another
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  mistake. As I said in the video, I think
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  the title is do not give this to your ex.
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  I'll put the link in the upper right hand corner on YouTube.
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  You do not give your ex hours and hours of time when you
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  finally speak to them, if you ever speak to them at some
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  point, especially if you broke up with them because they didn't
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  want to commit. It's like they didn't want to
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  commit. You were forced to move on, and
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  now you're going to give them two hours of your life.
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  I mean, nothing like showing that you're still very
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  interested. And the conclusion they came to
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  was that they were going to take it slow.
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  Sure. This is such a stupid concept,
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  this taking it slow, it never works.
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  It's just BS. It just sounds good.
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  OK, we're going to take it slow. OK, think of it this way.
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  Imagine you have a car and there's something wrong with the
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  car. OK, the brakes don't work,
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  whatever. And instead of fixing the car,
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  you know, you you put you put it in the garage for whatever 345
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  months and then you take it out and you go, well, I'm just going
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  to drive it slow. I'll just drive 5 miles an hour.
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  There's issues with the car, so I'll just drive slow.
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  OK, Well, what do you think's going to happen?
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  Do you think the problem went away just because you left it in
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  the garage or now because you're going to drive 5 miles an hour?
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  If there's a problem there, it's going to pop up at some point.
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  So that's just BS, this whole taking it slow thing.
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  And so, no, of course they weren't exclusive.
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  They started to date and at first it was fine, of course,
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  until it wasn't. And she saw him out with another
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  girl and they looked very chummy.
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  And that's when she had to, you know, cut it off for good.
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  And another mistake that she made was that she did not ask
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  the six questions when they decided to take it slow.
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  She needed to ask him the six questions, which I talked about
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  in my video, the six questions to ask your ex if they want you
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  back. And I'll put the link in the
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  upper right hand corner. And those are meant for your
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  protection. And I find that some people are
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  afraid of them. They're afraid to ask them
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  because they're afraid that they're not going to get very
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  good answers, which is the whole point.
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  It's like if your ex is not willing to give you great
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  answers to these questions, there's no point in getting back
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  together. Or if they're not even willing
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  to answer the questions at all, what's the point of getting back
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  together? If they want to get back
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  together, they need to show that they very much want to get back
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  together and that they made a mistake either in breaking up
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  with you or in this case, and not committing to her.
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  Well, I mean, she didn't know about the six questions, but I'm
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  talking to you guys who do know or now you know, there's no
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  point in getting back with an X unless you ask the six
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  questions. You know, why should I take you
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  back? What's going to be different?
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  How are you going to make it up to me, etcetera, etcetera.
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  The other three questions. And so now he's definitely gone
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  for good because this is the second breakup.
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  So the mistakes she made were first of all breaking no
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  contact, right? Because in that whole time after
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  she broke up with him, he never once contacted her.
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  So what does that tell you? The interest just isn't there.
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  Sometimes if someone isn't that interested, you just have to
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  accept that fact and keep it moving.
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  As opposed to I see people in the comments saying, Oh no,
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  contact doesn't work. No, contact doesn't work.
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  No, just because it didn't work for you, it doesn't mean it
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  didn't work. It's because the person was
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  totally done or just not that interested.
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  And then the second mistake, well, I was going to say it's
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  letting him come in, but you know what?
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  I know that 99% of people, if their ex dropped off an item and
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  he wants to just come in or she wants to come in, they're not
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  going to say no, no, just give me my thing and go away.
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  They're not going to do that. And so that was the second
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  mistake. The third mistake, of course,
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  talking for two hours, it's like, what for?
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  How did that help? Talking for two hours and not
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  asking the six questions. So this isn't just a matter of,
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  oh, I'll do no contact and then I'll get my X back.
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  No, after you are in contact with the X, if you don't handle
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  things correctly, then there's going to be a second breakup.
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  And the more breakups you have, the less chance you have of
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  getting your X back. So you don't just want to get
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  back and, and on a hope and a prayer that Oh yeah, this time
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  it's going to work out. No, maybe if you're lucky, maybe
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  if you go slow the car won't break down, but I doubt it.
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  OK, so now I want to hear from you.
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  How long have you been in no contact and how is it going?
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  And if you would like my help to get your ex back, you can
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  contact me at theartoflove.net/coaching and we
• 10:13
  will send you the rates. The direct link is underneath
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  every single video and podcast. If you found this video helpful,
• 10:22
  please like, subscribe and share and hit the notification bell so
• 10:27
  you'll be notified when a new video is up.
• 10:30
  And if you're listening to this as a podcast and you would like
• 10:32
  to help the show, then please download this episode.
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  And finally, remember, love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
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  enlightens.