Latest / The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten / Why Your Wife Doesn't Want Sex Two Days In A Row

Transcript

Why Your Wife Doesn't Want Sex Two Days In A Row · The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten

• 0:05
  Hi, everybody, and welcome to the doctor.
• 0:07
  Psych mom show. Today, we are going to talk
• 0:11
  about why your wife doesn't want sex, two days in a row, which is
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  something very upsetting to many men.
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  I'll discuss why It's upsetting, I'll discuss why they don't want
• 0:19
  it. If all of these sexual issues
• 0:21
  are things that you struggle with or any of them, I have
• 0:24
  hired a sexologist at my practice, best life Behavioral
• 0:27
  Health, her name is Heather, and you should definitely reach out
• 0:31
  and click on my link for my group, practice and the
• 0:34
  description of the episode because she can work in all
• 0:37
  states. Unlike therapist.
• 0:38
  She's not a therapist. She's a registered sexologist,
• 0:41
  and she can coach you through these intimacy issues either as
• 0:45
  a couple or as an individual. So that's a service that I
• 0:48
  provide so many people want to work with me.
• 0:50
  I can't work with everybody, you know, and everybody can't afford
• 0:53
  my rates either. So now there's somebody who is a
• 0:56
  bit more accessible, obviously does not accept insurance, is
• 0:59
  not a therapist, but still more affordable than me.
• 1:02
  So you should reach out about Heather.
• 1:05
  Is real nice. Okay, um, oh, and also a lot of
• 1:09
  you have wives who struggle with or are struggling with as
• 1:11
  yourself. The aftermath of childhood
• 1:13
  sexual abuse and Heather's open about being a Survivor and she
• 1:18
  so she can work with that as well as the more normal like
• 1:22
  libido, mismatch, sorts of things.
• 1:24
  All right, anyway, that was just a plug for her because I hired
• 1:27
  her to help you guys all y'all. So many of you reach out that
• 1:30
  you struggle with these things that I can't help all of you.
• 1:32
  So, now, to the topic of the Podcast and please do subscribe
• 1:36
  because the most recent episode, The subscriber paid episode was
• 1:40
  on the benefits of having sex, when you're not feeling close,
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  anathema in today's society, but yet practical and commonsensical
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  in every previous generation, okay?
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  So, moving to today's topic. A lot of guys say we went on
• 1:54
  this romantic vacation and we still didn't have sex two days
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  in a row or we can't have sex twice in a day or we never had
• 2:01
  sex twice in a day or we never had sex two days in a row.
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  And made has to. She says it hurts and she can't
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  do that, you know. And why do you guys want this?
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  Well, why does anybody want something that they like, two
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  days in a row? Why do you like, you know,
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  coffee two days in a row and not just one day, you know, I mean,
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  one like whatever you like, like why do you like to exercise two
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  days in a row? Why do you like to hug your
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  child, two days in a row? I mean, if somebody likes
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  something, they are going to want to feel like it's on the
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  menu of their life. And that there are not
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  arbitrary, you know, rules and restrictions around.
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  They can get it. So what?
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  Okay, so there's multiple reasons, so there's the purely.
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  Practical, one of that you are not turning your wife on enough
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  in the bedroom, she may be having an orgasm but you're not
• 2:46
  engaging enough foreplay. So she's not wet and I talked
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  about the normal wetness that you get.
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  If you put your finger into an alive human, that is not
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  perimenopausal or menopausal yet.
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  And many men mistake this for actual wetness.
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  And I talked about this in my female arousal podcast, which is
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  a paid one. But certainly worth the tiny bit
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  of money, and if she is not aroused and these encounters,
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  she can still have an orgasm. Remember that like some guys,
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  don't understand that she can still have an orgasm if she has
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  not been really excited. She's kind of like tiny bit
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  excited. It's like with a vibrator, you
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  can have a you can have I can have a vibrator orgasm like near
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  death, you know. I mean it's a fucking machine.
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  That's what it's designed to do. You know what?
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  I mean, it's like it's it doesn't have anything to do
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  really with whether she's excited.
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  It's very Baseline for a woman to have an orgasm.
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  If she's able to have orgasms, she can figure out how to have
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  an orgasm in the encounter. If it's enough, stimulation of a
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  certain types, you can have an orgasm.
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  She that's how this a minimal Baseline.
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  But if she really enjoying herself, here's a clue.
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  If she doesn't want to do it, maybe she's not right because if
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  you like something, then you want to do it.
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  So she can't do it two days in a row.
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  She may not. Enjoying it.
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  And the reason she may not be enjoying it and also the reason
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  that it may hurt it's not supposed to hurt.
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  That doesn't mean you're a big stud.
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  Muffin doesn't mean you have a huge penis, it just means she
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  wasn't wet enough. Women push out babies.
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  Your penis is smaller than a baby.
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  And so, you know, she's not wet. She's not turn on, it's not fun.
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  And then it does hurt and she gets like UTIs and shit because
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  like it's like friction, it's like this friction penis going
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  into like a not really wet vagina that you think is.
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  But because it is after all a mucous membrane, so it does feel
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  wet. Just remember like the analogy I
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  gave you in the other podcast. It's like, if you put your
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  finger in her nose, you know, it's going to be wet.
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  It doesn't matter if she's cold, does it has a cold doesn't
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  matter if she doesn't still going to be wet in there?
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  It really is. It doesn't matter because she is
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  a human being. If you put your finger in her
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  mouth, it's going to be wet in there to, you know, just means
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  it's like the inside of her body.
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  If you cut her open in surgery as she's, it's gonna be wet
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  inside. They are too.
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  I mean it doesn't have anything to do with anything many men.
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  Have not seen a very aroused woman ever because they have not
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  engaged in foreplay ever. So, you got to understand that
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  she may have had the orgasm but her vagina hurts the next day
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  because it's like rug burn because she was not wet enough
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  and so some women in their 40s and Beyond, get to the point
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  where they need Lube. So, you should definitely be
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  using Lube. If she's if she used to be much
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  more wet and now she's not Then use Lube, of course if she's
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  really never been, that wedding has always had this issue.
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  Maybe you should learn how to turn her off, you know?
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  And that would take a much longer encounter than ten
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  minutes in ten minutes. A woman still hasn't stopped
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  thinking about her grocery shopping list.
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  You know, if an encounter takes an hour then she has and 40
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  minutes of that is foreplay, then she's going to be really
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  good to go, you know, and it's not just porn that makes I think
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  it should be so quick. It's sex that you see on TV.
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  Let me tell you something, just like everything else on TV just
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  like you know, the Montage. Oh, we're like a whole 10-year
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  relationship is summed up in like a few, you know, little
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  images sex on TV is not supposed to be a one-to-one
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  correspondence. With how much time sex takes in
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  the real world. They can't show that whole
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  thing. So in a romantic movie, if you
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  see what looks like a sexual encounter and you're thinking
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  it's from Soup To Nuts, no pun intended.
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  It's not because they can only Only you would be bored.
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  I mean, maybe you wouldn't, but but they're not going to take up
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  if a TV shows, 50 minutes, right?
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  Like, how much sex could they really show?
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  They show, you know, very quick encounter, because the whole
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  encounter between two, people as romantically connected, as
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  whatever people on whatever TV show, this is, they would have a
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  whole encounter. That would be the whole 50
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  minutes and that wouldn't be allowed on television.
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  So, you know, if you've been basing, anything about how much
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  for playing To do on anything that you've seen on any size
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  screen, then you're wrong, you know, when you probably need to
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  double or triple it because she needs to be excited.
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  I talked a lot about this. I talked about this in the oral
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  sex on women podcast, you know, there's there's just a lot to
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  learn. So if she is hurts the next day
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  it is because if she was not wet enough and it was that porn
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  Montage type of sex that women despise where we try to see how
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  many positions we could do within our eight-minute
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  encounter because the man is You know, thinking that that's
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  what's exciting to a woman, it's so boring.
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  The woman is Bored to tears. She wishes, she just watched
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  Tick-Tock. She wishes, she had faked her
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  own death. She does not want to do the
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  eight positions because she's not even excited by the time you
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  get to number 1, never mind. Number eight, if you want her to
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  want sex, two days in a row, it can't hurt.
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  And the way that it can't hurt us by getting her wetter and
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  more aroused. The, the ratio of four played a
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  penis, and vagina sex should be like 20 times for play.
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  Time to one penis in vagina sex. No, actually, you guys always
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  take my stuff as like, you know, the gospel sir from what you
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  write in. So I don't mean 20 21, but let's
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  say like four to one literally, you know, like so.
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  So your encounters 50 minutes left, 40 minutes of it be for
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  play teasing. Getting her excited.
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  Maybe going down on her a little bit, once she's excited.
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  Remember once you touch your genitals, it's not for play
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  anymore stopping and starting very things.
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  And then the ten minutes at the end, And then maybe even, she
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  might even have the, the Holy Grail, the orgasm, where you
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  orgasm together, some people can do that.
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  Some people cannot somewhat, many clitoral stimulation, some
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  positions provide that like look up where the coital alignment
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  technique, that's how most people who can have an orgasm
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  from sex, have the orgasm through sex, but remember, 75%
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  of women can't do that. Anyway, no matter what you do,
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  but if you got any shot it's after 40 minutes of foreplay.
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  So if she cannot have sex, two days, It's because she doesn't,
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  she doesn't like it that much, and it hurts and it hurts
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  because of these things. Now, on the other side, it let's
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  say that she does like, it, let's say, okay, I'm not, I'm
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  not sold, you know, the let's say she likes it and but she
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  just thinks you're an asshole because you don't do nice
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  things, two days in a row yourself.
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  So, there's never been a time in the history of your life,
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  including any time, really? In the honeymoon, stage.
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  Whatever. That you got her flowers.
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  Two days in a row. Never you never did.
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  Something cute like that. Two days in a row.
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  If you left her a little love note, you never did it two days
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  in a row. You some guys don't even say I
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  love you two days in a row. How you going to get sex two
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  days in a row. If you don't even say I love you
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  like, this is like a baseline. This is Baseline Baseline.
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  So if you don't say, I love you two days in a row.
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  How is she going to have sex with you, two days, in a row,
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  sex takes more time than saying I love you.
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  You know, if you let's say, did you ever clean out the garage?
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  And she was so happy. She was walking on air.
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  She was so thrilled. And then she said, oh, and then
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  tomorrow, maybe we could finally clean You know, the baby's room
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  and you're like, what are you talking about?
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  I just did the garage, don't talk to me again until six weeks
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  from now Max minimum rather. And then she's like, Fuck you.
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  And then you're going to have six weeks in between your sexual
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  encounters because you are somebody who sets limits and
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  boundaries and restraints and is closed-minded plus.
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  You get the same kind of spouse. Many men are mad really at
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  themselves or they should be for making a culture and being a
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  person that Did another close minded person.
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  They don't like what it says about themselves, you know, so
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  men who are closed, minded outside the bedroom, get women
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  close-minded inside the bedroom and on some level they're aware
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  that they're perpetuating. This dysfunction with all of
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  their difficult behaviors but they don't like to think about
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  it too much. So they get mad at the woman
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  fully, it's not her fault. You think an open minded woman
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  would have been attracted to you with all of your preferences?
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  No. Go back to my podcast, on the
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  cult of boundaries and preferences.
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  If you're a guy that would never get flowers, two days in a row,
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  How you going to get a blow job? Two days in a row.
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  How are you even going to get the shitty sex?
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  You're having two days in a row? Hey, it's shitty, the
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  definitionally. If you respond to that, if any
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  of this makes sense to you about that, she's not fully aroused,
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  then it is not good sex and you need to work on it.
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  But also, with you won't be romantic two days in a row, and
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  that's her thing. Why would she have sex?
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  Two days in a row? Doesn't make any sense.
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  Your marriage is very tit-for-tat and so it makes
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  absolutely no sense. She doesn't want to be one down
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  like you don't want to be one down, so in that kind of
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  situation, everybody loses. Has and the compromise is that
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  everybody's miserable. It needs to be as I've discussed
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  100% marriage where each person's given 100%.
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  So if you want the woman who wants to have sex to give you a
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  gift every day, if you think that sounds so hot to have a
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  woman who is, you know, wanting it every day for at least her
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  ovulation week. You know, then why don't you be
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  the guy that instead of, when you do a romantic thing, you
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  check it off the Box, you're like, well what can I do to make
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  it even better tomorrow? What can I make it?
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  Dude? What can I do to make her feel
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  like she's living in a romantic? Novel then, maybe she's going to
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  want to make. You feel like you're living in a
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  porno. That's how the best
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  relationships go in the honeymoon.
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  Stage. The woman feels like she's in a
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  romantic novel and he feels like he's in a porn, that's great,
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  but if you are not the Romantic hero of that book, then she's
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  not going to be your porn star and it doesn't make any sense to
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  want her to be that because it's not for her, you know, she may
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  love it. She may get off on it if you are
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  loving and sweet. Weed and her her shining, you
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  know hero, if you are the man that she always wanted, then she
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  gets off on being the woman that you always wanted.
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  And she cares about being the woman that you always wanted
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  because it's so obviously you want to be the man that you
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  always wanted. But if you have restrictions, if
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  there's things that you would ever say, you wouldn't do two
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  days in a row. Well, then that's why she want
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  to sex, two days in a row and also, the pesky variable that
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  her literal vagina hurts and her vagina hurts.
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  Not. You've been giving her such a
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  wonderful fucking but because she's not wet enough because
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  that if let's put it like this. Let's even say that.
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  You are some tremendous. You know?
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  13-inch monster. Okay fine.
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  It would hurt but usually like in a good way, if it doesn't
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  hurt in a good way, if it hurts in a bad way, this is because
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  there's a problem going on on the arousal end.
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  So that is what you have to think about.
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  And also you have to think about the emotional component Of
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  whether in fact, you do nice things.
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  Two days in a row or you have artificial restraints, and
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  boundaries, and all of this bullshit.
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  And so, she is just responding in kind, it's just a culture of
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  your marriage to be Tit for Tat and so you don't do tattoo, you
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  don't get it, I couldn't resist and that is why.
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  All right? So if this speaks to you, then
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  perhaps you should try to do a whole bunch of romantic things,
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  one after the other. And if she says y, yo, what
• 14:00
  happened to you, all of a sudden are you, you know, did you lose
• 14:03
  your mind? You say, I realize it's kind of
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  crazy. I've wanted you I've had this
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  fantasy all these years that you're going to want sex two
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  days in a row. But then I thought I've never
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  been romantic two days in a row or I haven't been like 15 years.
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  So you know what is stupid, and maybe you're still not going to
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  have sex with me, two days in a row.
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  But honestly, like now that I realized it, then I should be
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  who I want you to be. I should be ethical about it.
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  I should be trying to be my best self.
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  That will really impress. Your wife also you should start
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  to do a whole bunch more foreplay.
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  Pay and go back to all my podcast and stuff on foreplay at
• 14:38
  the post on foreplay. And of course, I have the, you
• 14:41
  know, female arousal paid podcast which you should really
• 14:44
  look at because so many men described to me a situation
• 14:47
  where they think their wife is aroused.
• 14:49
  And if you give me a play-by-play of the encounter,
• 14:52
  their wife is not aroused and the wife often doesn't have any
• 14:56
  experience to know that she could be more aroused.
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  So that's why I have told some plant know what the fuck I've
• 15:03
  done written talk, but I Always say, women don't know their full
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  sexual potential and most men don't either.
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  And that is because most people have no idea about sex because
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  of all of the taboos and all of the constrictions related to sex
• 15:16
  in her Society, we teach our kids calculus, which should
• 15:19
  never go to use, but we teach them.
• 15:20
  Absolutely nothing about sex or dating or Intimate
• 15:23
  Relationships. It's really terrible, but this
• 15:26
  another rant that you don't need and I will talk to you all
• 15:29
  later. Have a great day, guys.