Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / Boundaries, Growth & Living Authentically with Rachel Lavin

Transcript

Boundaries, Growth & Living Authentically with Rachel Lavin · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

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Once I was reading, I'm sure most people know the comedian
0:04
Amy Schumer, but she has a book and she has a whole chapter on
0:08
her being an introvert. And I was reading that chapter
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going what? And that's me.
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That's me. That sounds like me.
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And so I did a little bit more research about what being an
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introvert versus an extrovert means and knowing that you can
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actually be both. But how do you honor that?
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And I started putting that into practice this, and realizing
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that when I do feel that anxiety, like I just don't want
0:35
to do that or that feeling keeps coming up for me, that means I
0:38
really don't want to do it and I don't have to.
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And resting, resting became a huge part of my person, my
0:49
belief system, my action. And if I just feel like I can't
0:56
do it right now, then I just don't.
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Hello, welcome back to the field podcast Today I'm here with a
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friend that if you follow our platforms, you know she is my my
1:08
I told her me my ride or die network friend.
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I mean, she just comes on all the adventures with me.
1:14
She was the first to say yes to the radio show and we did that
1:17
in 2024. She was the first to say yes to
1:20
every panel, every adventure, every sub stack live, every
1:24
podcast, everything. She's just, and everybody needs
1:27
one of those people in their life, but she's also in all of
1:30
this being this wonderful friend.
1:33
She has had an evolution of her own in how she shows up for
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women and the support that she provides for people in general
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and how this contributes to their Wellness in a way that you
1:44
might not think about. But it's actually very
1:47
succinctly tied. And I will tell you, I
1:49
personally experienced this myself this spring when she
1:53
helped me in this area. And it was amazing to me what
1:57
the benefit of my nervous system and I, you know, I leave my
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closet door open right now. You guys might have seen you do
2:05
a reel about it on Instagram because of this work that she's
2:10
she's always had a nap for and she figured out wait a minute.
2:14
I think I can help other people with this too.
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And it just feeds so beautifully into the layers narrative and
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the emotional, mental, physical health narrative, the boundaries
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narrative of what you will and won't allow in your spaces.
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So much to it. But she's a full human.
2:30
We're going to talk about the whole experience and not just
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that piece of it. But thank you, my friend Rachel
2:35
Lavin, for coming back with me today.
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I forgot to ask you this before we hit record because I was
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telling you before I got on feeling a little tired this
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morning. Let the world know the character
2:46
traits that you would like to be known by in this moment.
2:52
Oh, non judgmental, loyal and kind.
2:57
And you were all these like Rachel's the friend that has
3:01
that funny message in your and your DMS in the morning and
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she's just she's got that cheerleader like you were doing
3:11
great in in the brain, just in the moment you need it.
3:15
She's just that supportive person and knows how to show up.
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I love about that. It's always been a part of her,
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but she used to, you used to sacrifice yourself for the good
3:27
of that and do that for everybody else and not yourself.
3:30
Now you do it for yourself, which allows you to do it so
3:35
much fuller, more authentic, feeling good as you do it.
3:40
So you show up even brighter than you did before in that
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which which leads nicely into the self-care piece because that
3:49
is part of your self-care. We talk about self-care in terms
3:52
of movement. You have been your your
3:56
instructor in in the you've been in gyms, you've helped people
4:01
with their health. You've got a whole book about
4:03
your own journey with the health Donut Diaries.
4:06
But that self-care piece is so much about that inside work you
4:09
do on yourself so you know your value and can show up within it.
4:15
Talk to me about how that continues to evolve for you even
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since the last time you were on the podcast, which is going to
4:21
be a couple of years ago by This Times Drops.
4:25
Yeah, for sure. Well, I just, you know, I
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realized when I started this journey almost 13 years ago that
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it was never going to end, right?
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I mean, I definitely have had much more peace and much more
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happiness and contentment and have been happy, but challenges
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come up. I was just sharing with you that
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there's a challenge going on with a person in my life just
4:53
before we hit record. So challenges happen, but I
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think the beauty in people's evolution, and especially mine,
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is that I don't have to participate.
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I don't have to get involved. I am just one person and I can
5:08
be a sounding board. But I've learned that people
5:11
don't want to help themselves, myself included, that it is a
5:15
drain on my resource forces, spiritually, energetically,
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mentally, emotionally, if I allowed that to be a part of my
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life. And I've learned because I do
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have a big heart, I always have, that when someone is in dire
5:34
straits or needs help or whatever, yeah, I do feel guilty
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if I can't be there for them. But if my offer is to help, let
5:44
me help you, help yourself, and that doesn't fly, then I've
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learned to. It's OK for me to walk away.
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It really is. It doesn't mean I'm a bad person
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and I don't care. I just, I can't do the heavy
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lifting for you. Yeah, that right there.
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And that my friends is a component of self-care.
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So I want, I know that's a different frame than we usually
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take on self-care, but you know that really when Rachel and I
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were talking beforehand, that really peaks some of the immune
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life. Like since I trust this part of
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self-care because this is a part of it too, which goes nicely
6:17
into confidently setting boundaries.
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You have a, you have a boundary, a self prescribed boundary for
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what you will and won't engage in.
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Where your point is, like I've offered you help, I can't, I
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can't make you do this. Here's the resources now I'm
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going to step away. When you're ready to talk about
6:35
this more, if there's any way I can support you in this, let me
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know. That's it.
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That is it. Another component, the piece of
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this that feeds really nicely into that self-care piece and
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the healthy boundaries. But talk to me about even in the
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last couple of years, what you've learned even more about
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healthy boundaries. I think that I've learned that.
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Having boundaries, having a hard stop when it comes to people,
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places, situations. I just walk around this planet
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just in a lighter place. I just do.
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And it makes me actually feel that I'm providing a better
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service that my, that my outlook and that my choices in life are
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much healthier and much more engaging with other people who
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are, who meet me where I'm at. And I think that because I've
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learned that evolution is not momentary that it's going to, I
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mean, I'm going to evolve until the day I leave this earth that
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that makes me happy. It makes me realize and, and
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just instills in my, in my head and my thinking and in my heart.
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It's like this is hard, but it's momentary and I will get through
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this. And I think that some people
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feel so stuck in their stuff and they don't see a light at the
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end of the tunnel. And that comes from lack of
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skills that you can learn, you can be taught and teach yourself
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and work on which I did. So I think that evolving for me
8:15
is a beautiful word. And I think that once we learn
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that, it's, it's forever. I think that it.
8:23
Just becomes easier to deal with the things that go on in our
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day-to-day life. Yeah, It takes the pressure off
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of having to arrive somewhere like, you know, we understand
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that's like this. Continue.
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I'll continue to learn. I've got these resources.
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Sometimes I'll make a mistake. Sometimes I'll engage a little
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too far and then I'll pull back. I mean, I was talking to you.
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Before we got on about. I literally talk about this
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stuff all the time, and yet I have, you know, extended my
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boundaries to a place where I'm really tired now because I
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wanted to reach a certain space. And so now I recognize OK within
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that, that that means this coming weekend, I got to step
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out for a couple of days completely because I have not
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honored the normal boundaries that I would have.
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So you you've learned that. And there's also times the space
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things come up. I will also say, as much as I
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shouted you out for showing up, you have boundaries around that.
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It's like if the time doesn't work, you let me know if that's
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up. Can't be at that one today.
9:20
Got this other commitment. So you're never abandoning
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yourself as you do this. You're showing up in a way that
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allows you to be authentic and, and your full self and give all
9:30
of that, but not in a way where you're like, well, I got to show
9:34
up for her because she needs me and I always do.
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And you know, it's very much within a very healthy realm.
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And that's, that's a gift and an app too where you're able to
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say, no, not that time. No, not right now, not no, not
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this time, but let me know later.
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I mean, that's a really healthy flow to get into also, I think.
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I agree and and being comfortable in your own skin to
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say no without guilt and think, Oh my God, if I don't say yes,
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then she's never going to ask me again.
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Or, you know, all the things we as women do ourselves to derail
10:06
any kind of growth. I just don't allow that.
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And, and, but you, you know, you also have to be that kind of
10:13
person that accepts my boundaries, right?
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And. You do.
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All right, you do. Like, if I do say, hey, Melissa,
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I just can't make it tonight. You don't give me any crap.
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You don't say, oh, God, I really needed you there.
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You're like, OK, see you next time.
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So I do have to say that in my learning, it has been helpful
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and easier to engage with people like that who meet you where
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you're at. And I just think those people
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who guilt you and pressure you and manipulate you into doing
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what they want, that's not a real partnership or a
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friendship. Yeah, yeah.
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And it's not the way to engage in any of your relationships.
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I mean, even taking it to a work level, I mean, I think that
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these boundaries are important in our personal relationships,
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but also in our workspaces, in our community spaces, in our
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neighborhoods spaces. And and having that, you know,
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those interactions allows you to continue to thrive in that
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relationship, whatever it might look like.
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And then also when you're the one with the boundaries and the
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other people don't have that fixture in your life, you kind
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of informs how much you want to engage and be part of that
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circle. I mean, I think that's an
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important piece too. All right, taking care of our
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emotional health, physical health, mental health, you're
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very aware of this. You talk about this a lot in
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your work and your own evolution over time.
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And now you've added this new piece to it that I think people
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I know I did, I shouldn't probably put this out on people.
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Maybe other people realize this better than I do, but I think
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people underestimate the value of an organized space, of your
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space not being chaotic, of not walking in A room and like close
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the door because I just can't look at it because it stresses
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me out. And so this is something that's
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always been a natural part of you, and then you realize.
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So talk about the evolution of realizing this is something you
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could help other people with, and then talk about the impact
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you see when you're able to help people in this way.
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Absolutely. I thank you so much for allowing
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me to do this because it is it is an extra component of my
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Wellness career and it really does tie in very deeply to what
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I've done for 25 years. So but, and it was interesting
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because it just kind of happened organically, naturally with no
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roadblocks, however you want to describe it.
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But a neighbor came and saw my closet and wanted me to pay me
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to do it for her. And I had really never thought
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about monetizing my organizational skills because
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again, I just thought it was something that came to me
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naturally. I did it for myself and but I
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took I took her up on her offer and it just made me feel so
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good. And to see her face like just
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relax because she could find everything and everything made
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sense. And she said can you do my hall
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apartment, please? And I did it and again, it just
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made me feel good. But I think what makes me a
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little different is I want my clients, whoever I'm organizing
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for, I want their input, right? Some people just say do it,
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organize, but no, that's not going to work for your
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lifestyle. If I organize it the way I
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would, I need to organize it for your lifestyle.
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So engage with me, tell me what you want, tell me what you see
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as you know, what you, what the end result you visualize.
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And so that has really helped me in creating this as a second
13:51
business that people who hire me know that this is something
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that's supposed to be functional for you.
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It's supposed to create less stress.
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It's supposed to make you feel peaceful in your own home.
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That like you said, when you walk into that area, whether it
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be a whole room or a closet or a pantry, that you don't want to
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pull your hair out. It's like, oh, there's my rice.
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Oh, there's my dresses, there's my shoes, there's my broom.
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Whatever it is, you see it, right?
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And I realized that in home organizing that if you can see
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it, you don't overspend because you can't find something.
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Your stress levels stay low because you see it.
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And three, it just becomes something that is a part of you.
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You reach for something because you know it's there.
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And I think a lot of times when you see people's like in movies
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and it's supposed to be funny, right?
14:46
But there are people who can't find something, and that angst
14:50
and that anxiety is real. I just want to help with that.
14:55
Yeah, yeah. I mean, I mean, I'll give myself
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an example. I'm going into the closet.
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I'm looking for the dress for that event I've got with my
15:03
husband for an event we've got to be at.
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I'm not like, I can't find it. Where's the stupid thing?
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I don't have anything to wear. It's like, oh, it's right there.
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Because I've got things in color order, length order.
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I know exactly where to go in my closet.
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I might have to go through a few of them to find it, but I know
15:19
exactly where to go. I know exactly where it is.
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I pulled. I get, I'm not like, Oh my gosh,
15:24
I'm running late. I recorded for an hour longer
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than I got and now I can't find this stupid dress and I got to
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catch you. I mean, everything starts
15:32
steering. By the time you get to the
15:33
event, you're like, and you know exactly where's the wine?
15:39
I'm going to engage with anybody.
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You better get me a drink right now so I can sell.
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I mean, that's just not a way you want to go into anything
15:46
That was the so I mean, so the, and the point I want to make
15:50
with this too, Rachel is in South Carolina and she can get
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to you Carolina folks, but she can also help you with this
15:57
online over FaceTime. I'm in California, Rachel's in
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South Carolina. It's like a Jodie Messina song.
16:03
It's her California tales. California.
16:05
Go back to your 90s country music list.
16:08
What she I Facetimed with her. We walked through my space, the
16:13
closet. She looked around at my
16:15
surrounding bedroom and she gave me.
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She's like, OK. What do you want?
16:19
Trying to do here, what would you like to do here?
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What do you visualize here? It's like, this is what I'm
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thinking. This is what's bothering me.
16:25
This is what's making me crazy. And then she gave me a list of
16:28
things she's like, OK, you're going to need to invest about
16:30
$200 if you to get this where you really want to stop.
16:34
Feel doable to you. And I was like, yeah, I can do
16:36
that. I mean, I'd already planned this
16:38
out. Talk to my husband and said, and
16:40
he was like, yes, we've got to do something about this because
16:43
it was honestly driving him more crazy than me.
16:45
Because we went from having a very large closet with built in
16:50
shelving in our previous home to a much smaller closet in this
16:55
home here. And now that we have it
16:57
organized, it's fine. It's totally fine.
17:01
Like I don't go in there and like, oh, this closet's so small
17:04
because she gave me the list. I took a day, I, I ordered the
17:09
things that weekend. I'm like, OK, going to put it
17:12
all together. And I took some before pictures
17:16
and sent them to her. I did some videos, I did some
17:19
during, I did some after. And, and by the, you know, at
17:22
the end of that weekend, I was like, Oh my gosh, look at what
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has happened here. And now everything's in a place
17:31
where it makes sense. My husband's no longer asking me
17:34
where XY and Z is. And I'm like, I don't know,
17:36
under there somewhere. I, you know, we're walking in,
17:41
we're grabbing and we're going and, and it's not this thing I'm
17:45
trying to hide. Like, Oh my God, I got to close
17:47
my closet door and close my bedroom door so no one can see
17:50
into my closet. I mean, it's just that on the
17:54
daily, if you take into consideration the frustration
17:58
factor when you walk into every time you walk into a space, one,
18:03
I'm not buying dresses I don't need because I can find the one
18:06
I already have. Two, I'm not like because many I
18:11
do like to put, I am notorious for pushing and like I can get a
18:15
little more done. I can get a little more done
18:17
before I get ready for this event and go.
18:18
And I'm notorious for that. So I'm usually sprinting in,
18:22
flying, in the shower. Now I'm just grabbing, grabbing,
18:27
grabbing, putting on. That is the least stressful part
18:30
of my, you know, experience. Now, anxiety level's not there.
18:36
I'm not driving up my cortisol levels.
18:38
I'm not, I'm not entering an event at hyper vigilant level.
18:41
That's just me. That's one example.
18:43
Brady's not waking me up at 5:00 in the morning asking me where
18:47
his underwear is. I mean, you know, where socks
18:50
are. Do I have any undershirts left?
18:53
Where, what? It's just, it's just there.
18:57
So what? It's done for both of our mental
19:00
and emotional health. So I know I spent a lot of time
19:02
on that, but think about your spaces and if you don't know
19:05
what to do, Rachel can help you. No matter where you are in the
19:09
world. FaceTime is a wonderful thing.
19:12
She can walk you through it. She's there as a resource.
19:15
I could have utilized her more. I just once she gave me a
19:17
template, I was able to go and do it, But she offered, she's
19:21
like, listen, if you get stuck, give me a call and schedule a
19:24
time. I can help you be there for you.
19:27
Like she's really there to show up for you how you need.
19:31
Probably the next thing I need to have her help me with is my
19:33
pantry. That will be for another day.
19:36
And I didn't think about that till this morning when I looked
19:38
in there and I was like. And so anyway, I know that
19:47
that's this has been something that has been really, and also I
19:50
want to mention the impact it has on you knowing, you know,
19:54
sometimes we have these gifts that that and there there are
19:58
things that we're good at that are really helpful, but we don't
20:02
really ever think about putting them in the context of helping
20:04
someone else. And then until someone brings it
20:06
up like you had, now you get this additional like if people
20:11
come in, they're working with you in any way, you can add this
20:14
other thing to like. And ask them, have you thought
20:18
about your, I know you're working on moving more.
20:20
I know you're working on fueling your body.
20:22
Well, part of fueling your body well is being able to access
20:26
what you need in your kitchen. Can you find what you need in
20:30
your kitchen? If you can't, I can help you
20:32
with that too. I mean, it's just, or if you're
20:35
looking for those walking shoes or walking clothes or stuff to
20:39
go to the gym, can you find it? Do you have it?
20:42
I mean, there's a nice segue into how this breathes into
20:46
everything you're already doing. Right.
20:50
Yeah, it. It really.
20:51
Does and I'm so grateful that, you know, I was worried when I
20:55
decided to take a chance on the home organizing.
20:58
You know, I've been in fitness and Wellness for 25 years and I
21:02
wasn't, I wasn't switching careers.
21:06
I was adding and I was worried. And I talked to you about this,
21:10
like, how is this going to make sense to people?
21:11
How is this going to? But I think the more that I've
21:15
relaxed and just kind of stepped into my place in this whole
21:18
thing, I don't it, it is making sense.
21:21
And the people who need me will find me.
21:24
And the people who might be confused, they can ask, right?
21:29
Yeah, yeah. And that opens the door to with
21:33
conversations. Right.
21:36
You know, I had a woman. Are you still organizing?
21:39
If so, can you and I, you know, so once we got to know each
21:42
other, it's like I still do all the things.
21:44
And so that leaves me into conversations about health and
21:48
about nutrition and about my book.
21:49
And so it is, even though you're hiring me for one thing, it does
21:56
open the door to other things. And, and the beautiful part of
22:00
it is, is that it is all connected.
22:02
So I feel like I'm in the right place, the right space at the
22:06
right time. And I mean, just learning how to
22:10
develop both things, that makes sense for me, yeah.
22:16
Yeah, yeah. And it's now Rachel Lavin.
22:19
Lifestyle and Wellness because your lifestyle is part of your
22:23
Wellness. I know I keep connecting the
22:25
dots here, but I really like just, you know, by the time you
22:29
guys listen to this, I, I, you know, I've just finished writing
22:32
an online course and it'll go out to the whole world July 1st.
22:35
It's out in limited edition right now at the time we're
22:37
recording. By the time you're going to hear
22:38
this in the fall, all out to the world, totally available.
22:40
But one of the things that came to me in all of this is how all
22:44
these things are so interconnected and how we need
22:47
to make sure we're talking about our Wellness and not just a
22:50
granular level, but a connectivity level and how all
22:55
these pieces play a part in this.
22:57
And that's what you're doing with this.
22:59
You're bringing all these components together to create
23:02
this, which goes nicely into. Supporting.
23:05
Ourselves and other women in living unapologetically, you are
23:10
you have this nailed. You show up for yourself
23:14
unapologetically. You show up for your people
23:17
unapologetically and support them in their journeys.
23:20
I talked to you about earlier about you're the one that's got
23:22
that, the funny meme, the supportive message, the sharing,
23:29
the collaborating, the first one to show up, the first one to say
23:33
yes, all those things. I mean, Rachel didn't have a sub
23:37
stack or know how to set one up, but she said yes to the sub
23:40
stack live. And then Jessica helped her, my
23:42
Jessica on my team helped her set it up and we had a great
23:45
experience. Like she doesn't let and that's
23:47
unapologetic. That's not letting.
23:50
Oh, I don't know how to do that. Oh, I guess I can't do that.
23:52
Like you are like that doesn't stop you.
23:55
Your curiosity, your confidence enable you to really do this for
24:00
yourself and and and then also do it for others.
24:04
So it doesn't just it flows out in your work and how you show
24:07
up, but it flows out in who you are as a person.
24:11
Talk to me about that transition of going from showing up for
24:15
everyone else but not yourself to showing up for yourself and
24:20
everyone else in at such a more holistically healthy way.
24:24
Absolutely. I mean, I love to tell people
24:26
that I am a introverted extrovert, so that means that I
24:32
can be social, I can be around people.
24:35
I love it, but I also, there's like a hard stop for me and I
24:41
definitely did not honor that in my past.
24:43
I would give, I would give, I would do things that.
24:47
And again, I remember feeling like you said you would be asked
24:50
to do something and the first reaction in your gut was like, I
24:54
don't want to do this, but I would force myself to do things
24:57
because that was the expectation of me.
25:00
And I did it with family, I did it with friends, I did it with
25:03
anything. And once I was reading, I'm sure
25:08
most people know the comedian Amy Schumer, but she has a book
25:12
and she has a whole chapter on her being an introvert.
25:16
And I was reading that chapter going, what?
25:20
That's me, That's me, that sounds like me.
25:22
And so I did a little bit more research about what being an
25:26
introvert versus an extrovert means and knowing that you can
25:29
actually be both. But how do you honor that?
25:33
And I started putting that into practice and realizing that when
25:37
I do feel that anxiety, like I just don't want to do that or
25:41
that feeling keeps coming up for me, that means I really don't
25:45
want to do it and I don't have to.
25:49
And resting, resting became a huge part of my person, my
25:55
belief system, my action. And if I just feel like I can't
26:01
do it right now, then I just don't.
26:04
Because when I do give myself that grace and I do rest and I
26:08
do say no to that one thing that I really don't want to do, When
26:12
I do say yes to something, I have a great time and I feel so
26:17
replenished and nourished. And so when you kind of keep
26:21
stacking those experiences on, you learn how how to do that.
26:25
You learn how to show up for people when it really matters,
26:28
and you learn how to say no to the things that.
26:30
Are not going to do either parties any good, you know?
26:36
Yeah, that rest piece. I tell you that rest piece is an
26:39
important, important component, important component, important
26:43
component of yourself, care of your healthy boundaries of your
26:48
emotional, mental, physical health.
26:49
Let me tell you, I'm way more irritable when I'm not rested
26:53
that I am when I am. And what kind of experience do I
26:56
want to have with myself? Do I want other people to have
26:59
with me? I mean, there's just so many
27:02
pieces and parts of that that you need to be mindful of, you
27:07
know, for yourself and for others how they experience you.
27:10
I mean, I, I, and I'd love the way.
27:12
So thank you for so much for how you set that down.
27:15
I think just being so mindful and aware and, and, and
27:20
acknowledging like the difference, like, oh, wait a
27:22
minute here, because I think that and I'm glad you brought up
27:25
the extroverted introvert piece. I think there's far more of
27:28
those people that exist in the world for so many years and
27:31
we're just introvert, extrovert, extrovert, introvert.
27:34
And there was no. Nuance.
27:37
No, you know, in between now we've got Amber in there and
27:41
we're talking about my husband is an extroverted introvert.
27:45
Nobody in his workspace or that he interacts with, we call him
27:48
an introvert, but let me tell you, when he comes home and
27:52
we're not having to be at events, that man wants to be
27:55
with very few people outside of his core people.
28:00
He wants to rest. He wants to be with those
28:02
people. He doesn't want to go out and
28:04
socialize other ways. He doesn't want to have a bunch
28:06
of people over to our house and he wants to refill and re
28:11
energize and so that he can show up in those spaces.
28:16
In that way, it's authentic to him.
28:18
So also too, I think another way to think about that is when you
28:23
look at the people in your life, you know, if you're not, you
28:26
know, you don't assume like, oh, she's an extrovert.
28:29
Of course she'll say yes. Maybe maybe she shows up in
28:33
spaces when she's filled that way, but maybe she needs she
28:37
doesn't use. So really odd fully extroverted
28:42
people get energy from groups and people that they're with.
28:46
Whereas, you know, people extroverted introverts can show
28:51
up as an extrovert, but they need to go back and feel that
28:54
doesn't feel them. It takes from their energy.
28:58
And once they've given that all away, they got to go back in and
29:02
refill because they don't get the same.
29:04
So I think it's important to consider that too, in your
29:07
interactions with people on what we ask of people and not making
29:11
assumptions about that, but also honoring yourself in that way
29:14
and, you know, being mindful of those things.
29:17
I'm like, oh, so and so expects me to show up this way.
29:19
Do you? What do you expect of yourself
29:21
and how can you honor yourself to make sure you're showing up
29:24
in a way that's honoring to them as well?
29:26
So, yeah, yeah, thank you for that.
29:28
So good. All right, the importance of
29:31
studying and coming back to your why and your values and
29:35
everything you do, the why and values component ended up being
29:38
a very, very big component of this decision to, to take the
29:42
home organization piece and incorporate it into what you're
29:46
already doing. You were able able to do that
29:49
and, and I love the way you honored that.
29:51
And I, I think because sometimes other people don't always
29:56
understand what we're doing. Like for me, it's like I've
30:00
continued to add components to this network, but I, you know,
30:04
and you know, I'm not trying to just be one thing.
30:07
I want to meet women where they are and have as many resources
30:11
available to them. The, the common denominators, I
30:15
want you to all have this feel framework access and I want you
30:18
to access it in a way that feels authentic to you.
30:20
So that might be through the podcast or our panel shows or my
30:24
online course or our book or our subsect, you know, lives where
30:28
we meet other authors and get to read their books.
30:31
It might, it might look a lot of different ways, but the common
30:33
denominator is that yield framework for you.
30:36
The common denominator was that health piece.
30:38
This is an enhancement of health.
30:41
And sometimes when when you get pushed back from people like, I
30:44
don't understand, that doesn't make sense to me.
30:45
I'm like, well, let me explain that to you.
30:47
And we don't and you don't let that stop you from trusting
30:51
yourself and taking that step forward.
30:54
So, and I have to believe the why, your why and values piece
30:57
played a very big piece in this decision.
31:01
It did. I just think you and I have had
31:05
this conversation together on panels that helping people is
31:10
just comes naturally to me. It's just something that I
31:12
always knew I was meant to do to be.
31:15
It's just never been a question. How I do that has changed over
31:21
the years, but like you said, when I decided to help my
31:25
neighbor and I saw what it did for her and her lifestyle, I
31:30
just wanted to try and see what that would feel like to help
31:35
people in this way. And when people come to me and
31:41
they're literally at their wit's end because they cannot figure
31:46
this out on their own, they feel shame.
31:48
They don't want people to come into their homes.
31:50
They just, they, I mean, all these emotions are with when it
31:56
comes to having a disorganized home.
31:59
And I use that word in the least shameful, the least judgmental
32:05
way possible because life gets away from us, right?
32:09
We get stuck a lot of times in our lives, whether it be because
32:13
of a loss, because it's you know what?
32:16
I we could sit here and list things all day long, but we all
32:19
get stuck. And to move forward, I am so
32:24
grateful that we have now, in the last decade or so,
32:29
especially women have finally realized it's OK to ask for
32:33
help. And I think that's why home
32:36
organizers are doing so well because it's like, I have 5
32:42
kids, I have two jobs, I have a husband that works all the time.
32:45
I have no time to worry about a pantry.
32:49
Help me, right? So I or my partner died and I
32:54
have all his stuff. And I feel guilty about letting
32:57
it go. I mean, these are some of just
32:59
the experiences in the past last two years that I've been doing
33:02
the home organizing that I've heard.
33:04
And so even though the situations may be different, the
33:08
bottom line is I cannot do this by myself.
33:11
Please help me. And so that's what I hear,
33:16
that's what I tune, and that's what I want to do.
33:20
I want to help you get unstuck. I want you to walk into your
33:23
home and go That's I mean, and I do use that example a lot
33:29
because when you're feeling overwhelmed, are you relaxed?
33:33
Of course not. And that shows up in, you know,
33:38
pain in your body. It shows up in, you know, how do
33:42
you feel on a day-to-day basis? Do you have headaches?
33:45
Do you have stomach ache? I mean, pain and stress manifest
33:49
pretty equally in my opinion. And I think that once you kind
33:54
of declutter your space and your home, then it gives you so much
33:58
freedom to take care of yourself.
34:01
And when I hear people say, I have this cute little man I'm
34:05
organizing for, and every time I come, he's like, Oh my God, I
34:08
got off another medication. And it's like, I hope you're
34:12
putting two and two together, buddy, that this is making you
34:16
feel better. It's making you want to do
34:18
better. It's making you want to take
34:19
care of yourself in other ways. And that's the gift, right?
34:24
Yeah, and it allows people to honor their own lion values.
34:28
Because when you get stuck, you all of a sudden you lose sight
34:32
of like you don't feel like you have choices, so you don't feel
34:36
like you can live because you're just stuck in this space and
34:39
you're kind of frozen. And when you can give them the
34:42
gift by acting out of your own value of being able to give and
34:45
help and support, you're able to help them get back to get access
34:50
to themselves and their health and their values and their why.
34:54
And they remember what excites them, what energizes them
34:57
because they're not consumed with this thing they're
34:59
surrounded with. It takes so much more of their
35:02
capacity than they're realizing. So I think that's a huge
35:06
component of it too, is we have no idea the capacity we're
35:09
giving away when we are in these situations.
35:12
And when you're able to come in and, and give them their
35:15
capacity back, the impact it has on and being able to reconnect
35:19
with themselves and who they are and what they value and what
35:23
they care about and how they want to show up in the world.
35:25
So I think that there's a both and going on there too.
35:28
That's so important. I love that.
35:30
I love that story. I love that connection piece,
35:34
which this goes really nicely into living out of your own
35:37
expectations versus others. This has been a very authentic
35:41
journey for you that you have moved into.
35:44
Talk to me about what you continue to learn about that
35:47
because you continue to follow that, but that's not a space
35:50
you've always in, you know, incorporated.
35:53
And we talked about that a lot more the first time around, but
35:56
I've I've watched you continue to grow into this in in this
36:00
season of life. Well, thank.
36:02
You I appreciate that. I think the most important
36:06
message that I keep receiving when I continue to home organize
36:10
for people is when they first start with me or they contact me
36:14
to help them, there's tears, there's overwhelm, there's
36:20
stress, there's all this, you know, negativity surrounding
36:24
them. And so the beauty of my
36:27
experience as a health coach and personal trainer is that I can
36:32
come in and say it's OK, It's OK to feel this way.
36:36
It's OK to be where you're at and I'm here to help you.
36:39
Like when they hear it's almost kind of once I kind of want to
36:43
cry about it because when someone can, you know, gently
36:46
say to you, I'm here to help you and to just to see like a, like
36:51
a visual breath of relief come out of these people.
36:55
I, I just, I love it so much. And I'm also experiencing some
37:00
people who I can kind of see they're just not ready, right?
37:06
I mean, they're, I want to hire you.
37:07
Can you just help me? And then we book an appointment
37:10
and then they make up an excuse not to do it.
37:12
And I realize a lot of people, they're just, they, they can't
37:17
see past their shame, right? They cannot see past like I
37:20
cannot let this person in my home.
37:22
So they see what a disaster I am.
37:25
And when I get that vibe from people, I just always say I'm
37:29
here to help you. I'm not judging you.
37:32
And sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't.
37:35
But I don't take that personally because, you know, in my own, my
37:40
own life, my own experience when I didn't understand that dieting
37:45
was actually hurting me more than it was helping me.
37:49
But I was like, no, I have to do it this way.
37:52
I have to starve myself. I have to restrict.
37:54
I have to do all these things because I believed at the time
37:58
that it was the right way to do it or go about it.
38:00
So I, I get, I get that mentality more than I, I think
38:05
some of my home organizing clients understand.
38:08
So I I definitely meet people where they're at and I'm here.
38:15
I'm here when you're ready. And I think you in doing this,
38:20
because it's such a tangible thing, like the thing you could
38:23
just the results you get to see. It's a visually like there too.
38:28
You get to help them shift their own expectations about
38:32
themselves in their life. They move out of shape.
38:35
They move out of feeling disorganized and cluttered and
38:39
embarrassed. They're able to shift their view
38:42
of themselves. They're able to see what's
38:45
possible and I think that so you're up, you know, whether
38:49
they even realize it or not, you're also helping them shift
38:53
their expectations of what's possible.
38:57
Yeah, yeah. I think this is so great.
38:59
All right, accepting the layered aspects of yourself, this is
39:04
such a, a key component of the journey.
39:08
It's a journey you and I are have been on and continue to be
39:12
on. And we recognize, and you said
39:14
it earlier, that it is a journey.
39:16
We're not arriving here and then we'll just be done with it.
39:21
We're continuing to learn, evolve, grow, unfold, unpack.
39:25
And so you've, so you've continued to do that.
39:28
Talk to me about what you've that layers journey and and what
39:31
you continue to learn about yourself in the layers journey.
39:36
I learn everyday about who I am as a person, who I am as a
39:42
woman, who I am just in all my relationships.
39:46
And I think that when I'm up against some kind of negativity
39:51
or I'm up against some kind of learning experience, I am so
39:57
much more kinder to myself and much more gentler with myself
40:00
now that I would have been even, you know, a decade ago that, oh,
40:05
OK, this is part of the process. There's still something in my
40:10
mind or my emotions that is unhealed.
40:14
And I think that when I come from a place of I'm still
40:17
healing that. I don't know if this makes sense
40:23
to you but it's just like I open up even more because I think
40:28
when I made the decision on my 40th birthday almost 1213 years
40:32
ago, I can't remember if I'm going to be 52 or 53 but that's
40:35
OK. Exactly, who cares?
40:44
I just remember thinking that I was never going to be happy,
40:49
like I was never going to feel the way I feel today.
40:53
And so knowing that that gift is my life now, that's something
40:58
that I thought I was striving for or wanting, but I was never
41:01
going to get it. So if something does come up and
41:04
I have to peel back the layers like you use, like you use those
41:08
words, it's, it's a simple step now.
41:12
It's like, OK, I need to sit in this.
41:14
I need to learn, I need to understand, but it it does make
41:19
me feel good knowing that I have the skills and the consciousness
41:24
to sit in it right. So I even though I'm in my, my
41:31
partner, my honey Bunny, he always like when I do get like
41:34
aggravated, he's like, you can't be nice 99% of the time.
41:39
And he uses that word because he doesn't know a different word.
41:42
And then and then get angry and I and I educate him all the
41:46
time. I'm like, I absolutely can
41:48
because emotions are momentary. It doesn't change who I am as a
41:55
person. If I'm frustrated, if I'm
41:57
frustrated with what's happening right now, it's just because I'm
42:02
the skills of how to deal with it aren't coming to me.
42:05
So I'm frustrated, but I know now to step back, don't react,
42:11
talk to somebody about it, meditate about it, whatever I
42:15
need to do, just or ignore it for a day until I can, you know,
42:19
think clearly, tend to it. Yeah.
42:22
Yeah, I. Mean, you know, when I was in my
42:24
20s and 30s, React, react, react, react and like nothing
42:28
ever got resolved because I wasn't capable of learning how
42:33
to resolve something or, or look at it and go, this doesn't even
42:38
warrant my energy. And just like walk away.
42:41
And I think that learning those skills is a layered thing that
42:46
we learn as we evolve and as we live our life, right.
42:50
I mean, maybe you're not supposed to have these skills in
42:53
your 20s. I don't know, but it is, it is
42:56
nice to know that who I was, I'm no longer and who I am today,
43:04
I'm not going to be tomorrow. So it's kind of it's just it's
43:07
interesting, yeah. Yeah.
43:09
Thank you for that. Such a good description of all
43:11
of that. Thank you so much.
43:12
All right. And this goes nicely into in
43:14
living out field, finding empowerment, embracing layers.
43:18
Tell me about how that has impacted your relationship with
43:22
yourself today versus before and your relationship with other
43:27
people. And we've really touched on this
43:28
throughout already, but going to bring that home for us, of
43:32
course. Oh my goodness, if you would
43:36
just were in my head in my 20s and 30s, you'd be like, Oh my
43:40
God, you're so mean to yourself. I mean, I just, I felt betrayed
43:45
by my body for so long that I was incapable of loving myself.
43:52
I couldn't be nice to myself. You know, they always do that
43:56
test, that personality test, and they want you to name three
44:00
things you love about yourself. And I would literally be that.
44:02
I can't think of 1. And I I'm like, that's not
44:07
right. Yeah, yeah.
44:10
And so the things that I would say to myself or think about
44:14
myself or say to other people about me, I just, I mean, I'm,
44:24
that's sad. It's terrible.
44:26
And I just can't even fathom or imagine speaking to or about
44:32
myself like that ever again. You know, it took, it took so
44:37
much work, it took therapy, it took journaling, it took
44:40
affirmations, it took practice to even look at myself, my own
44:45
self in a mirror and say I love you.
44:47
You are beautiful, you are smart, you are kind, you are a
44:51
good friend. You all the things I did not
44:54
believe about myself, they were always true.
44:58
I just didn't know. And so, you know, I do tell
45:04
people a lot in my work, it's like this.
45:07
This is, this takes time and it does take work on your part to
45:11
love yourself. But once you do, nobody can take
45:14
that from you. Yeah, yeah.
45:18
And it changes how you show up in relationships.
45:20
You now have healthy boundaries. You now are not afraid to say no
45:24
and yes to things. So that when you show up, you're
45:27
you're, you're now honoring the the fact that you are an
45:31
extroverted introvert. I mean, there's so many
45:32
components that impact how you show up in your relationships.
45:36
You're able to communicate to your partner.
45:38
No, actually, I can experience multiple emotions at one time.
45:41
And I'm not going to stuff that one because we're nuanced.
45:44
And even if this one, if it's true 99% of the time, that other
45:48
thing can come in and be a part of it.
45:50
You're able to express that, understand that.
45:52
I mean, there's so many pieces and ways that it's all connected
45:55
and how we interact with other people, when we know how to
45:58
interact with ourself in a healthy way, I mean, it just
46:01
changes everything. So good.
46:03
Thank you so much for that. All right, we're down to the
46:06
rapid fire. Name 5 activities that nourish
46:10
you. Sitting on my butt on the couch
46:14
on a Sunday afternoon with my honey, watching old action
46:16
movies for sure being waking up grateful and having those few
46:22
moments with the universe and just saying thank you, bye.
46:29
I love my me time. My spending time by myself and
46:35
going to the gym is like therapy for me.
46:38
So my, you know, four to five days a week of exercise is my
46:41
time and I cherish that. And the 5th and final one is
46:45
actually having my time with my besties and, you know, shooting
46:50
the shit and laughing and being silly.
46:53
And that makes me feel good, too, yeah.
46:56
I'm glad you brought up the being silly part.
46:58
You know, we need laughter and silliness and joy for no good
47:02
reason other than that we get to feel it and it's so good for us.
47:06
It's such an important part of our health and Wellness to make
47:10
space for that and allow that in.
47:12
I think that's thank you for pointing that out.
47:14
That's so good. All right, 5 words on how you
47:16
want to feel the next six months.
47:19
I want to feel fearless, I want to feel peaceful, I want to feel
47:25
happy, I want to feel exhilarated, and I want to feel.
47:32
I don't. Experience, like I want more
47:34
experiences. Yeah, yeah.
47:37
No, absolutely. Yeah, I get that experience.
47:39
Like more. Absolutely.
47:40
All right, my friend, Tell people how they can find.
47:44
And you know this, she's Rachel's all over all of our
47:47
stuff, but she's got some updated information and we're
47:50
going to update the resources page to make sure it's accurate.
47:54
I think it is, but we'll make sure it's current.
47:56
But tell people where they can find you.
47:57
Follow Access you if they want to work with you, absolutely.
48:01
Well, my website is Rachel Lavin Wellness and both my organizing
48:07
organized by Rachel and my Wellness are both there.
48:10
So but please find me on Instagram or Facebook under
48:14
organized by Rachel. I think I I think that's where I
48:18
am both. But anyways, Rachel, you'll find
48:21
me. You'll find me.
48:22
You can't miss me. Yeah.
48:24
No, no, absolutely. Well, I appreciate you so much.
48:28
Any final thoughts you want to leave our listeners with today?
48:32
I would love to leave your listeners with a little treat
48:37
that I love to do for myself when I'm trying to experience
48:42
growth is write it down on your favorite color posted and repeat
48:47
it to yourself every day and every, you know, every morning
48:50
and every night for a week and see how your mindset shifts and
48:54
realize that all good things are possible.
48:57
You have to believe. Yeah.
48:59
Oh, there's your take away today, folks.
49:01
That's it. We're going to wrap it up right
49:03
there. Thanks so much, my friend, for
49:05
joining me. I always enjoy our
49:07
conversations. I'm so thankful to have you in
49:09
my life and to know you and be able to continue to share the
49:13
gift of you with our platform. So thanks for coming back and
49:16
being with me today. Listeners.
49:18
There's your take away. Run with that.
49:20
Love yourselves well, Know you're valuable, Know you're
49:23
worth it investing in, take good care and we'll see you next time
49:26
here on the Field Podcast. Hello and thank you so much for
49:31
being with us today on this episode of the Field Podcast.
49:35
If you would like more information on how you can apply
49:40
these talking points that I share with our guests in each
49:43
episode to your own life, really utilize this feel framework, go
49:49
to embracinglayers.com, fill out our contact form, and let's set
49:54
up a free 30 minute consultation to talk about how you can start
49:59
living your most authentic, organic, healthy, feel fueled
50:04
life. Thanks again for being with us
50:07
today. We'll be back to you soon with
50:08
another episode here on the Feel Podcast.