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183. Do the hard thing now · Your Enriched Self

0:17
Speaker 1: I was watching a video the other day of a
0:21
Speaker 1: little kid. He must have been He looked like about
0:24
Speaker 1: two years old. I mean, this kid had a diaper on,
0:27
Speaker 1: and it was a progressive video of this child growing
0:33
Speaker 1: into a role of a skateboarder. I mean, at two
0:38
Speaker 1: years old, he's on a skateboard and he's doing all
0:41
Speaker 1: the things that you would do when you first learned
0:43
Speaker 1: to do something a new task that's challenging or difficult.
0:47
Speaker 1: And the parent that showed the video showcased all of
0:52
Speaker 1: the falls and the hits and the misses along the
0:55
Speaker 1: way and the near you know, crazy stunts and all
0:59
Speaker 1: the things that this child had been doing to kind
1:03
Speaker 1: of matriculate through and learn how to become better at skating.
1:11
Speaker 1: And I thought, my god, is that how Tony Hawk
1:14
Speaker 1: started off? So Tony Hawk was a competitive skateboarder, probably
1:17
Speaker 1: the only skateboarder I knew growing up in the nineties.
1:21
Speaker 1: But it made me start to think about difficulties and
1:27
Speaker 1: how this little child who was or is at two
1:31
Speaker 1: years old, not concerned about what's difficult or what's easy.
1:36
Speaker 1: That's not really vocabulary or understanding that a two year
1:41
Speaker 1: old has, right, they're probably thinking about this toy is mine.
1:46
Speaker 1: And maybe they're starting to learn how to potty or
1:49
Speaker 1: say some of their first words, but they don't have
1:53
Speaker 1: the concept of what's easy and what's hard. Once we
1:57
Speaker 1: get to that understanding, we start putting off difficult things.
2:03
Speaker 1: And I think that's why this little kid was never
2:07
Speaker 1: entertained by the falls. They just kept overcoming the falls,
2:12
Speaker 1: you know, every time he felt he would just overcome.
2:15
Speaker 2: And over time what.
2:17
Speaker 1: I saw in the video, of course not having seen
2:21
Speaker 1: all of the stages of growth, but I saw confidence.
2:27
Speaker 2: By the end of the video, it might.
2:29
Speaker 1: Have been a few months down the road or maybe
2:32
Speaker 1: even a year, and you could see the confidence building
2:35
Speaker 1: this kid. And I, like I said, this was a baby,
2:37
Speaker 1: I say kid, but this was a big this this baby.
2:40
Speaker 2: Was in diapers, okay.
2:43
Speaker 1: And to see how at that age, at that stage
2:46
Speaker 1: in life, you can go from doing something that you've
2:49
Speaker 1: never done before, the difficulty, the challenge in it, the pits,
2:53
Speaker 1: the falls, the hits, the misses, and come out with confidence.
2:59
Speaker 1: And I think that's lesson for all of us to
3:02
Speaker 1: stop postponing the difficulty, because think about it, if the
3:07
Speaker 1: parent decided, you know what, my kid is too young,
3:10
Speaker 1: I don't think he or she is ready to have
3:14
Speaker 1: this experience of falling and hits and bumps and bruises.
3:20
Speaker 1: They would simply just be delaying that for another two, three, four,
3:23
Speaker 1: five years down the road. And so this parent had
3:27
Speaker 1: the wherewithal to go, What if I taught my kid
3:30
Speaker 1: how to overcome challenges now while they can, as opposed
3:36
Speaker 1: to doing it later. And you know, there were some
3:38
Speaker 1: comments about, you know, this is bad parenting. Everybody has
3:41
Speaker 1: their own version of what right looks like. But there
3:46
Speaker 1: was certainly a lesson there that I took away from it,
3:49
Speaker 1: and I wanted to share that lesson with you. And
3:52
Speaker 1: again it goes to the idea that should you postpone
3:58
Speaker 1: the difficult? Do you postpone the difficult? And I say, no,
4:09
Speaker 1: difficult now or difficult later. Here's another video clip that
4:15
Speaker 1: I saw which I thought was really interesting. There's a
4:20
Speaker 1: row of cups on one side of the hallway and
4:23
Speaker 1: a row of cups on the other side of the hallway,
4:27
Speaker 1: and it's a pretty wide hallway, so essentially it's a
4:32
Speaker 1: race to see how many cups can be picked up
4:36
Speaker 1: one at a time and brought back to kind of
4:38
Speaker 1: a home base. And so one kid starts with the
4:42
Speaker 1: row of cups that are twenty cups away from him,
4:46
Speaker 1: and the other kid starts gathering the cups one at
4:51
Speaker 1: a time that are.
4:52
Speaker 2: Closest to him.
4:54
Speaker 1: And at first, when you look at the race, because
4:59
Speaker 1: essentially that's what it was, was, it looked as though
5:02
Speaker 1: the kid that had the best advantage was the kid
5:06
Speaker 1: that started with the cups that were right near the
5:11
Speaker 1: home base. So he would grab a cup and put
5:13
Speaker 1: it in, and grab another cup and put it in,
5:16
Speaker 1: and he seemingly was going really fast, while the other
5:20
Speaker 1: kid was running all the way down to get to
5:22
Speaker 1: the twentieth cup and bring it back, and go to
5:26
Speaker 1: the nineteenth cup and bring it back, and so on
5:29
Speaker 1: and so forth. And there was a point when they
5:32
Speaker 1: got to maybe Cup twelve or fourteen, when it started
5:40
Speaker 1: to look like the kid that started with the cups
5:46
Speaker 1: closer to home base is falling back a little bit.
5:52
Speaker 1: And and as that race progressed, the kid that started
5:58
Speaker 1: way in the back was in the front of the pack,
6:02
Speaker 1: and so his effort to complete this race seemingly was
6:08
Speaker 1: easy because he was so close to the home base.
6:12
Speaker 1: And so that was another lesson about postponing the difficult
6:16
Speaker 1: thing or deciding to start with a difficult thing, and
6:22
Speaker 1: that's not always the way we do it, partly because
6:27
Speaker 1: we live in a society where instant gratification is the name.
6:30
Speaker 2: Of the game.
6:31
Speaker 1: We want to know now that we're winning in this moment. Now,
6:36
Speaker 1: the moment isn't over. And oh, by the way, the
6:38
Speaker 1: kid that won that race was a kid that started
6:41
Speaker 1: with the difficulty. And so what it looks like initially
6:47
Speaker 1: is that you're not measuring up to what everybody else
6:51
Speaker 1: is doing or how everybody else is getting things done.
6:54
Speaker 1: But in the end, if you stick with it, follow through,
7:00
Speaker 1: trust the process, like everybody says, everybody says, but not
7:05
Speaker 1: everybody does, eventually you will find that was the way
7:11
Speaker 1: to go. And what I love about these exercises, these
7:16
Speaker 1: opportunities to glean from is that we can apply that
7:21
Speaker 1: in our lives.
7:22
Speaker 2: Now.
7:24
Speaker 1: There are things in your life right now that you
7:27
Speaker 1: have been delaying because it seems difficult. Maybe you're trying
7:32
Speaker 1: to move out of a situation. Maybe it's a relationship,
7:37
Speaker 1: a job, something, an organization, and you keep delaying the
7:43
Speaker 1: difficult thing, which is to get yourself out of this danger,
7:47
Speaker 1: this frustration, whatever it is, that you're in not realizing
7:54
Speaker 1: that if you do difficult now, you don't have to
7:57
Speaker 1: do it later, if you learn how to otherwise stated,
8:01
Speaker 1: if you learn how to deal with the difficult now,
8:05
Speaker 1: the things that happen later are not going to seem
8:09
Speaker 1: as difficult. Why Because you conquered some hard things, some
8:15
Speaker 1: tough situations right now.
8:18
Speaker 2: You're dealing with them now. And so I'm gonna.
8:22
Speaker 1: Encourage you to no longer delay difficulty. And I know
8:28
Speaker 1: it's easier said than done, and the reality is that
8:32
Speaker 1: you are eventually going to have to walk into difficulty.
8:37
Speaker 1: What I liked about the race with the two kids
8:40
Speaker 1: is that you could see the thought process for both
8:45
Speaker 1: kids were different. It was like the kid that went
8:49
Speaker 1: for the difficulty first was almost wired to do hard first.
8:55
Speaker 1: It's almost like the story of do you want the
8:57
Speaker 1: good news or the bad news first. I always say
9:00
Speaker 1: the bad news right, starting with the difficulty, so that
9:04
Speaker 1: it feels good when I receive the good news, because
9:06
Speaker 1: there's the bad is out of the way right whereby
9:10
Speaker 1: there's someone on the other side of the coin that
9:13
Speaker 1: will say, you know what, give me the good news first.
9:16
Speaker 1: I want to hear something good right now. I want
9:18
Speaker 1: to satisfy that immediate gratification for good, for easy, for
9:24
Speaker 1: comfort now. But the reality is you're gonna have to
9:30
Speaker 1: get the bad news at some point. You're gonna have
9:31
Speaker 1: to get the difficulty. You're gonna have discomfort. Eventually, you're
9:36
Speaker 1: gonna have to deal with the difficult. And so that's
9:41
Speaker 1: why I say you must embrace the difficult thing right now.
9:48
Speaker 1: If there's something you are up against tomorrow and your
9:53
Speaker 1: normal cadence is to go easy, go simple, go comfurt,
10:01
Speaker 1: I'm challenging you tonight. I'm challenging you today. I'm challenging
10:07
Speaker 1: you in this hour. I'm challenging you to go do
10:12
Speaker 1: something difficult, embrace it. What I love about that approach
10:19
Speaker 1: is that you're controlling it. So it's almost like you're
10:23
Speaker 1: going into a test. It's an open book test. You
10:27
Speaker 1: don't know what. You don't know yet because you have
10:31
Speaker 1: not encountered it. The idea that you're gonna walk into
10:35
Speaker 1: something that has a lot of unknowns to it, you
10:38
Speaker 1: don't have answers to it, and it's seemingly going to
10:41
Speaker 1: be a challenge. So you already are walking and knowing
10:45
Speaker 1: it's gonna be a challenge, and so you get to
10:50
Speaker 1: maybe not physically prepare, but you mentally get your mind
10:54
Speaker 1: wrapped around the idea that I'm gonna deal with some
10:57
Speaker 1: challenging things. And so I need to prepare myself mentally
11:01
Speaker 1: for the fact that I'm gonna deal with some challenging things.
11:06
Speaker 1: I'm not running on autopilot. That means my troubleshooting is
11:09
Speaker 1: got to be up to par. I gotta be willing
11:11
Speaker 1: to get my hands dirty, dig deep to get what
11:16
Speaker 1: I need to get.
11:18
Speaker 2: Ask for help.
11:19
Speaker 1: You know, a lifeline, phone, a friend, use the resources
11:23
Speaker 1: I have to get passed or get through the difficulty.
11:28
Speaker 1: And so you can almost be lining that up. Okay,
11:31
Speaker 1: I know who I can go to for these things,
11:33
Speaker 1: and so you're kind of setting yourself up for difficulty.
11:37
Speaker 1: It's like setting yourself up for the failure. And I
11:40
Speaker 1: know that sounds like what you would do to be
11:46
Speaker 1: in a position of loss, But this is not a loss.
11:50
Speaker 1: This is a learn, and a learn is an opportunity
11:53
Speaker 1: to win in a different way. You're not winning with
11:56
Speaker 1: the trophy and the accolades. You're winning with information, inside knowledge, understanding.
12:03
Speaker 1: And I know those things don't get glorified in culture
12:06
Speaker 1: because it's not monetary and it's not compensation. These are
12:10
Speaker 1: the intangible things that only you now have, that core
12:15
Speaker 1: competency that you can take into the next scenario and
12:19
Speaker 1: the next stage and the next situation. It's not glorified,
12:28
Speaker 1: it's not glamorous. It's the ugly things. It's the things
12:34
Speaker 1: that are unknown, unsaid. It's the unsung hero of your
12:40
Speaker 1: life that no one gets to know that you now
12:43
Speaker 1: have great understanding and new knowledge. There's nothing you can
12:48
Speaker 1: do to tout that in society and make people seem
12:52
Speaker 1: and make people realize that you are greater than you
12:54
Speaker 1: were yesterday. We want to be on stage, We want
12:59
Speaker 1: to be like We want to share our wins the
13:04
Speaker 1: way society deems a win, only to realize that that
13:11
Speaker 1: too is short term. It's temporary. They're gonna forget about
13:17
Speaker 1: it tomorrow, maybe even next week. By then they'll forget
13:22
Speaker 1: about it. You maybe have a week what is it,
13:24
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes of fame, and you're back again at square one,
13:29
Speaker 1: trying to prove yourself to who, for what and why?
13:36
Speaker 1: I say, go do the difficult thing.
13:40
Speaker 2: And just like that.
13:41
Speaker 1: Little kid, you could see the confidence over time because
13:48
Speaker 1: he conquered the things. He went from conquering to confidence
13:54
Speaker 1: because he did those hard, difficult, challenging things over and
13:59
Speaker 1: over and over again, only to come out on top,
14:03
Speaker 1: and not the way society deems on top. I didn't
14:07
Speaker 1: see at the end of this video this kid being
14:10
Speaker 1: Tony Hawk or whoever the next greatest you know skateboarder is.
14:15
Speaker 2: I didn't see that he made it to the Olympics. Right.
14:18
Speaker 1: This wasn't like an old, you know video from a
14:21
Speaker 1: decade ago when he was just a small kid and
14:24
Speaker 1: now he's a teenager and he's competing at the highest levels.
14:28
Speaker 2: No, this was a kid.
14:30
Speaker 1: That was just a few weeks I'm sorry, a few months,
14:33
Speaker 1: maybe a year away from when he started, and you
14:35
Speaker 1: could see in that short period of time the growth,
14:43
Speaker 1: the confidence again, the intangible things that no one seems
14:48
Speaker 1: to care about until it's time to care about. I
14:55
Speaker 1: can bet that that kid he starts school because this
15:01
Speaker 1: was not a school. This was a baby. Let's be honest.
15:05
Speaker 1: This baby was in diapers. Okay, when this kid gets
15:11
Speaker 1: to a school age, he's going to have such an
15:15
Speaker 1: advantage over his peers, not because he's better, not because
15:19
Speaker 1: he's gonna be bigger, because He has already started at
15:25
Speaker 1: a very young age to handle difficult things, to know
15:30
Speaker 1: that he can fall and get up, to know that
15:32
Speaker 1: he can be bruised but not broken.
15:35
Speaker 2: He learned that at two and three years old.
15:37
Speaker 1: I promise you this was a baby under the age
15:41
Speaker 1: of five and have already picked up lessons that so
15:45
Speaker 1: many of us as adults.
15:47
Speaker 2: Can't get yet are struggling to.
15:49
Speaker 1: Get because we've just worshiped the idea of difficulty versus easy,
16:00
Speaker 1: and let's just do the easy thing.
16:01
Speaker 2: Let's just get through with the easy thing.
16:03
Speaker 1: Think about how many times in your life when you've
16:06
Speaker 1: had a challenge or a difficulty ahead that you could see,
16:10
Speaker 1: that you can spot that you are being told that
16:12
Speaker 1: you got to go this way, and you say, no,
16:14
Speaker 1: I don't want to. It's not going to disappear because
16:19
Speaker 1: you don't want to today. It's still going to be
16:20
Speaker 1: there tomorrow. I told this story years ago. This is
16:23
Speaker 1: my story of embracing the difficulty now. And it wasn't
16:28
Speaker 1: a decision I made myself. It was almost voluntold or
16:32
Speaker 1: made for me. So this is how the story goes.
16:35
Speaker 1: I lived in Indianapolis for a number of years. I
16:38
Speaker 1: lived with my sister and her husband, and I had
16:42
Speaker 1: just graduated from college. I had got a temporary job
16:46
Speaker 1: and it was in the winter in Indianapolis. I had
16:51
Speaker 1: never ever, ever been from the Virgin Islands island girl here,
16:55
Speaker 1: never driven in the snow, and so now I'm going
16:59
Speaker 1: to work a big batch of snow, big fresh batch
17:03
Speaker 1: of snows on the roads, and I am having to
17:08
Speaker 1: drive to work that morning, and you know, you get
17:11
Speaker 1: all the caution, everything's take your time, you know, put
17:15
Speaker 1: on your hazards, you know, get in the slow lane
17:19
Speaker 1: and just leave early, right, so you get all the things.
17:23
Speaker 1: And it's of course early in the morning, just like
17:25
Speaker 1: everybody else being up at six and seven o'clock to
17:29
Speaker 1: get to work for eight o'clock. And I'm driving in
17:32
Speaker 1: the snow, and I unfortunately hit an embankment and I
17:37
Speaker 1: crossed over a median. This is not a highway, by
17:40
Speaker 1: the way. I was not prepared to even take highways
17:43
Speaker 1: at the time. It was kind of one of those
17:45
Speaker 1: main vessels that kind of run through the city. And
17:50
Speaker 1: I got scared, and luckily I didn't hit any oncoming traffic.
17:54
Speaker 1: I was able to get across to the other side
17:56
Speaker 1: of the road, pull up to a postop with a
18:00
Speaker 1: payphone tells you the time of my life. That was
18:05
Speaker 1: I was several years back, and I called my sister
18:09
Speaker 1: at work.
18:11
Speaker 2: And I explained to her what happened.
18:13
Speaker 1: Of course, she made sure I was okay, and then
18:17
Speaker 1: at that point I almost wanted her to give me
18:20
Speaker 1: the right answer, and the right answer at the time
18:23
Speaker 1: for me with my you know, the right answer for me,
18:33
Speaker 1: with my emotional maturity based on my experience in the
18:37
Speaker 1: snow and everything else, was for my sister to say, girl,
18:39
Speaker 1: go home, call your office, let him know what happened.
18:44
Speaker 2: Wow, why why? Right?
18:46
Speaker 1: My sister is not wired that way, right, This is
18:49
Speaker 1: my older sister. She's not wired that way at all.
18:54
Speaker 1: She turned the tables on me and she said, what
18:57
Speaker 1: do you want to do? And I think that's where
19:01
Speaker 1: difficulty starts for many of us, because we have to
19:04
Speaker 1: ask ourselves that question, what do you want to do?
19:07
Speaker 1: And most of the time we're wired to do what
19:09
Speaker 1: we normally do. We are wired to do what's comforted
19:13
Speaker 1: or what we're comfortable doing. And for me, that would
19:15
Speaker 1: have been taken my butt back home, back to the apartment.
19:21
Speaker 1: And my sister offered this little bit of advice unsolicited,
19:27
Speaker 1: of course, because I dare not ask her what she
19:31
Speaker 1: thinks I should do, because I know my sister would
19:35
Speaker 1: not give me the answer that I wanted to hear.
19:38
Speaker 1: She would give me a straight answer. And so this
19:40
Speaker 1: is what she said. She said, I'll say this to you.
19:44
Speaker 1: If you leave and go back home, remember tomorrow there
19:50
Speaker 1: will still be snow on the ground. Everybody that's been
19:54
Speaker 1: around snow knows that snow doesn't just melt overnight, especially
19:59
Speaker 1: in the winter, and especially this was just a I
20:02
Speaker 1: think we had about six inches of snow, so we
20:04
Speaker 1: had a good batch of snow that had fallen. Nevertheless,
20:09
Speaker 1: it made me think about the big picture. It made
20:12
Speaker 1: me think about the difficulty and that if I decided
20:17
Speaker 1: not to take the road that day and go to work,
20:22
Speaker 1: I would be delaying a difficulty that would be awaiting
20:27
Speaker 1: me the next morning. And I'll never forget that lesson
20:31
Speaker 1: because it plays true to this day in me watching
20:38
Speaker 1: those examples on social media and now reliving my example
20:44
Speaker 1: and how I walked through that scenario. I was coached
20:47
Speaker 1: through it, which I'm sure this baby was coached through
20:52
Speaker 1: it by his mom and dad, allowing him to fall
20:57
Speaker 1: fast fail fast, get back off, and keep going at it.
21:01
Speaker 1: My sister offered me that same type of coaching and
21:05
Speaker 1: guidance by letting me know that difficulty will still be
21:09
Speaker 1: there tomorrow. And I'm gonna let you know. I'm gonna
21:14
Speaker 1: hold your hand when I tell you difficulty will still
21:17
Speaker 1: be there tomorrow.
21:20
Speaker 2: I know we don't want it.
21:22
Speaker 1: I know we don't like to deal with it, but
21:25
Speaker 1: it's part of the life story. Our lives are made
21:31
Speaker 1: of conveyor belts with difficulties and ease and grace and challenges,
21:36
Speaker 1: ups and downs. It's all on the conveyor belt of
21:39
Speaker 1: life and it's gonna come through each and every day.
21:43
Speaker 1: And I say, if we learn how to deal with
21:47
Speaker 1: the difficulty now, when it comes later, it's not going
21:51
Speaker 1: to feel foreign. We're not going to be knocked off
21:54
Speaker 1: our feet and falling to the ground. And even if
21:57
Speaker 1: we do, we'll be able to pick ourselves back up
22:00
Speaker 1: because we know how to do that. We have been
22:04
Speaker 1: practiced in falling and picking ourselves back up. We know
22:08
Speaker 1: what's what we're capable of, and that's what it's all about.
22:12
Speaker 1: And finally we get to grow our confidence in that moment.
22:16
Speaker 1: I tell you that morning when I took to the
22:18
Speaker 1: road after I got off the phone with my sister,
22:20
Speaker 1: and I dusted myself off, and I decided, you know what,
22:24
Speaker 1: she's right. I got on the road and I white
22:27
Speaker 1: knuckled it all the way to the office. I was
22:31
Speaker 1: definitely not unafraid of the task at hand because I
22:38
Speaker 1: had just.
22:39
Speaker 2: Been you know, kicked into the median.
22:42
Speaker 1: You know, I lost control of the vehicle and I'm
22:46
Speaker 1: in the middle of the road, and so that didn't
22:49
Speaker 1: feel good, and I didn't want to feel that way again.
22:51
Speaker 1: So naturally that's going through my mind. But what was
22:54
Speaker 1: the superseding thought was when I got up tomorrow morning
23:00
Speaker 1: at my confidence level, knowing what I what I had
23:03
Speaker 1: accomplished the day before, even though even if I had challenges,
23:11
Speaker 1: I was able to accomplish and get through it and
23:14
Speaker 1: pass through it.
23:16
Speaker 2: What that did for me.
23:17
Speaker 1: The next day and the next day and the next day,
23:20
Speaker 1: and you know, many years of driving through snow and
23:24
Speaker 1: dealing with challenges on the road and all of the things,
23:26
Speaker 1: is I was confident. And I know that's not celebrated
23:31
Speaker 1: in culture, but it's a celebration, and it was a
23:37
Speaker 1: celebration in my heart. It was a celebration. In my mind,
23:41
Speaker 1: it was me conquering the challenge, and I want you
23:45
Speaker 1: to conquer your challenges. So I'm gonna encourage you tomorrow, tonight, today,
23:52
Speaker 1: in this moment. Don't delay the difficulty, embrace it. I
24:02
Speaker 1: hope you enjoyed this week's episode of the Urine Ritsub podcast.
24:06
Speaker 1: And the only way I'm gonna know this is if
24:07
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24:10
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Speaker 1: a five star rating. But in all seriousness, when you
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Speaker 1: get there, you can share your feedback on this podcast
24:32
Speaker 1: and that helps us. And when you share your feedback
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Speaker 1: also share this episode with your friends and family right
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Speaker 1: and send it to the last three to five people
24:57
Speaker 1: that you spoke with today. Also, you can share this
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Speaker 1: on your socials. You can find me primarily on Instagram
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Speaker 1: because that's my jam, that's where I am. You can
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Speaker 1: find me at my Enriched Self that's M Y E
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25:14
Speaker 1: And you can hashtag this episode. You can tag me.
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Speaker 1: I would love to hear from you, so you can
25:19
Speaker 1: showcase through your friends and families and those in the
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Speaker 1: social streets what you're listening to and what's feeding you mind,
25:25
Speaker 1: body and spirit. I also want you to check out
25:28
Speaker 1: the show notes. In the show notes, we have the
25:30
Speaker 1: affirmation of the week, the quote of the week, and
25:34
Speaker 1: there you can also find my Amazon shop. The R
25:37
Speaker 1: and Rich Self shop has two items right now, a
25:41
Speaker 1: journal which is the Show Up Everyday Journal, as well
25:45
Speaker 1: as the Show Up Everyday Notebook. So check those out
25:49
Speaker 1: in my Amazon shops. And finally, take what you can
25:53
Speaker 1: from this episode and do what you must in the
25:56
Speaker 1: next one hundred and sixty eight hours so that you
25:59
Speaker 1: can be come more of your enriched self until we
26:05
Speaker 1: meet again. Hmm.