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Transcript

Would I survive the old me? · Mom Gone Mild

• 0:05
  Hey guys, this is mom gone mild and I'm your host Lex.
• 0:08
  Hope you guys had an amazing week.
• 0:10
  I know I did. You already know the drill.
• 0:13
  If you're new here, welcome. And if you're my day ones, hey,
• 0:17
  so we're just going to get right into it this week.
• 0:21
  I was being super nostalgic looking at all my old pictures
• 0:25
  on Facebook memories. I don't know, do you guys do
• 0:28
  that? And I just kind of just
• 0:31
  remembering why I named this podcast Mom Gone Mild because I
• 0:35
  was wild. Like younger me would be shocked
• 0:40
  to see who I am now, which got me thinking, would I survive my
• 0:46
  younger self now? I don't know, would you?
• 0:49
  Because me, I can assure you, absolutely not.
• 0:54
  Before we even get into story time though, I have to tell you
• 0:57
  guys something. This week I did something so
• 1:00
  dumb. I followed A TikTok trend and
• 1:02
  you already know how that goes. I put those little suction
• 1:07
  fidget spinners on my forehead so Axel could play with it.
• 1:11
  He loved it, by the way. I had it on there for maybe like
• 1:14
  a good 15 minutes. My husband was like, wow, you're
• 1:18
  so fun. Because Axel was cracking up.
• 1:22
  Yeah. Tell me why it left a full on
• 1:24
  Hickey. My forehead.
• 1:27
  It's this big, like a literal Hickey.
• 1:30
  As if I would ever let someone suck on my forehead.
• 1:34
  Now I know why Axel was laughing so much.
• 1:36
  He was laughing at Mommy. And that was Saturday.
• 1:41
  I'm filming this on Tuesday and it is still there.
• 1:45
  I have been walking around like this for three days looking
• 1:48
  crazy and now let me guess, it's all you guys can see too right?
• 1:53
  Anyways, this is all to say do not follow every trend you see
• 1:58
  on Tiktok because why am I out here with a forehead Hickey as a
• 2:03
  grown ass woman I don't know. Also Speaking of this week like
• 2:11
  this Sunday I finally went to that Matt Pilates I was telling
• 2:15
  you guys about the one I signed up for at the beginning of my
• 2:18
  health journey. And guys drummer please.
• 2:23
  Your girl did a full minute plank, like a full minute, no
• 2:27
  modifications. I kept up and that was a huge
• 2:31
  win for me. Let me just say, Matt is really
• 2:35
  different than reformer. Matt is hard.
• 2:38
  I was drenched. And you might be like, girl,
• 2:43
  that's not even that crazy. But let me be very, very clear
• 2:49
  about something. I was out of shape, like out of
• 2:53
  shape before I even had a baby. So the fact that I went in
• 2:56
  there, kept up, did the full thing.
• 2:59
  I'm proud. So let me just have my moment.
• 3:03
  It's literally me fighting with no one because I know you guys
• 3:06
  support me, but still let me have it.
• 3:09
  And honestly, being in that class, I don't know what it was,
• 3:13
  but I just felt so good, like proud of myself, present just in
• 3:17
  it. And also, can I say something a
• 3:20
  little deeper really quick? I don't think I was ever going
• 3:23
  to talk about this. Like I've thought about doing it
• 3:28
  before, but I've always kind of held back because I want to be
• 3:33
  respectful and I'll be honest, I don't know everything so I'm
• 3:37
  just speaking from my experience.
• 3:39
  Like I said, I've been all in my fields this week and as always,
• 3:44
  this is my story. It doesn't have to match yours
• 3:47
  and you don't have to agree. I'm just speaking from my
• 3:50
  experience. That's all I can do.
• 3:52
  So if you're new here, I am half Ecuadorian and half Cuban, but I
• 3:56
  was born here in Glendale, CA and my parents met at West LA
• 4:00
  High School and growing up I didn't.
• 4:05
  I'm going to try to say this in the nicest way possible.
• 4:08
  It's no dig at anybody, it's just my experience.
• 4:11
  Like I say, I didn't really grow up in a household that talked
• 4:15
  about being Hispanic, if that makes sense.
• 4:18
  We kind of just lived our lives, not in a bad way at all.
• 4:21
  It just wasn't something that was talked about a lot.
• 4:24
  Like on my dad's side, my grandparents come came from
• 4:27
  Cuba. They went through a lot, so that
• 4:31
  wasn't something they really talked about much.
• 4:33
  And I completely understand that.
• 4:36
  On my mom's side, it was different.
• 4:38
  They were more in downtown LA and I was around Hispanic
• 4:41
  people. But even then, it wasn't
• 4:44
  something that was really celebrated or emphasized.
• 4:48
  It was just something we were, even though my grandparents
• 4:51
  spoke Spanish and thank God for that, that they taught me, which
• 4:56
  I'm so grateful for. But besides that, I never really
• 4:59
  celebrated being Cuban. I never really celebrated being
• 5:03
  Ecuadorian. It's just, I don't know, it just
• 5:06
  wasn't part of my everyday life. And then on top of that, I went
• 5:10
  to private school my whole life until high school, from
• 5:13
  kindergarten to 8th grade. And especially back then in kind
• 5:17
  of like the time that I grew up, it was just a very predominantly
• 5:22
  white environment. So I grew up in basically spaces
• 5:27
  where I didn't really see people who look like me.
• 5:31
  And because I moved around schools a lot, I moved to a lot
• 5:35
  of schools. To be honest, I feel like I
• 5:37
  wasn't always, I don't know, I feel like I was just trying to
• 5:41
  fit in wherever I was. And for me, that really meant
• 5:45
  just like blending and not standing out much.
• 5:48
  Most of my friends were from those same environments, most of
• 5:52
  the people I dated to, that's just what I was around and what
• 5:56
  I related to. So I never really questioned it.
• 5:59
  I just adapted. But now as an adult, I'm
• 6:03
  starting to realize something. I spent so much time trying to
• 6:08
  fit in that I never really stepped into who I already was.
• 6:13
  And I feel that's why I'm, I don't know, I just feel this
• 6:18
  just feels confusing for me now because it's like I'm not fully
• 6:22
  this, but I'm not fully that either.
• 6:25
  So I'm kind of just in the in between.
• 6:27
  And I'll be honest, sometimes I feel like I'm just in the
• 6:30
  middle. I feel like I'm not Hispanic
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  enough for some people, but I'm not fully disconnected either.
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  And that can kind of mess with your head because you start
• 6:39
  thinking like, where do I even belong?
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  Even in my own family, they joke that I'm more disconnected from
• 6:45
  my culture and I get what they mean, but it just, it still
• 6:50
  makes me question. It just makes you question
• 6:53
  yourself a little. But anyways, this weekend, being
• 6:59
  in that Pilates class with the music, the energy, just being
• 7:02
  around it, I felt something. I felt proud, like genuinely
• 7:06
  proud. And it made me realize this
• 7:08
  isn't about trends. This isn't about what's popular
• 7:11
  right now. This is my life.
• 7:13
  This is who I am. And This is why I started
• 7:17
  thinking of this so. And now that I have Axel, it
• 7:20
  just, I feel like it matters even more because I don't ever
• 7:23
  want him to feel confused about who he is.
• 7:25
  I want him to know all of himself.
• 7:28
  I want him to speak Spanish. I want him to know his culture.
• 7:31
  I want him both cultures. Of course.
• 7:33
  I want him to feel proud of both sides of who he is.
• 7:37
  And I am so grateful. You know, I had my grandparents
• 7:41
  because they gave me that foundation.
• 7:43
  But now it's kind of like I want to build on it, if that makes
• 7:47
  sense. I don't want to shrink that part
• 7:49
  of me anymore. Not like anyone forces me to.
• 7:52
  I just, I don't know. I just, I want to actually
• 7:55
  embrace it and I'm still figuring it out.
• 8:00
  But for the first time, I feel like I want to.
• 8:04
  And I think that's the part of me that makes so much more sense
• 8:08
  now because when I was, you know, when I look back at my
• 8:12
  younger self, I was always chasing something, connection,
• 8:16
  belonging, just wanting to feel like I fit in somewhere.
• 8:20
  And I didn't realize it at the time, but now I'm like, OK, that
• 8:28
  maybe that's what that was. And that's where the chaos comes
• 8:32
  in. Of course, my life chaotic, but
• 8:36
  because, you know, if I really think about it, this didn't even
• 8:39
  start like in my Vegas stories. It's I've just always been a
• 8:44
  little chaotic in high school, especially my senior year, my
• 8:48
  home life wasn't always the best.
• 8:50
  It was complicated. And I won't get into all the
• 8:53
  details because even though I'm open with you guys, I won't talk
• 8:57
  about others and their lives. But because of that, I was
• 9:00
  hardly ever home. So yeah, I had this one friend
• 9:05
  and I would literally stay at her house for weeks at a time.
• 9:08
  Like I basically live there. I got super close to her family.
• 9:11
  But also we were sneaking out all the time.
• 9:14
  And now when I look back, I'm like, what were we doing?
• 9:19
  We would sneak out, go to Random House parties, full confidence
• 9:24
  too. It's kind of like embarrassing
• 9:26
  thinking about it now. But and I remember these
• 9:28
  parties, everything felt so chaotic, music blasting, people
• 9:33
  doing the absolute most. And we were just like, yeah,
• 9:39
  this is normal on a random Wednesday.
• 9:42
  Then it would just be like every night.
• 9:45
  Looking back now, I'm like, why did nobody stop us?
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  Obviously not because we were sneaking out.
• 9:51
  We weren't telling people where we were going.
• 9:53
  And I swear, some of these parties felt like we were in a
• 9:57
  different era, like people giving random massages.
• 10:01
  Yeah, shoulder massages. Everyone was just vibing like it
• 10:04
  was the 70s. Back then.
• 10:06
  I remember rolling, taking ecstasy was like, the coolest
• 10:09
  thing to do back then. It was just sweaty energy.
• 10:13
  I even went to parties where it was a Sprite and, you know, that
• 10:17
  scissor. But yeah, yeah, I'm talking
• 10:21
  about the cold medicine with codeine.
• 10:23
  Literally out of control. I don't know, that party was
• 10:27
  full of weird people, but my mom listens to my podcast every
• 10:33
  week. So mom, I'm sorry you have to
• 10:35
  hear this. But hey, I feel like now we're
• 10:38
  kind of at that level where you can be shocked but not mad.
• 10:42
  But now that I'm a mom, I could never imagine Axel doing
• 10:45
  anything like that. Like, absolutely not.
• 10:48
  It's crazy how your perspective completely changes because back
• 10:52
  then it felt normal and now I'm like my child is staying home
• 10:57
  with me wearing his outlet. If you guys know that little
• 11:01
  outlet that you put on their foot to monitor them until 18.
• 11:07
  I mean, just kidding obviously, but they are honestly not that
• 11:11
  many things from my past that I fully remember.
• 11:14
  But the Vegas story, oh boy, I remember those.
• 11:18
  And if you know Vegas, you know, no sleep, no rules, just keep
• 11:22
  going. I remember one time me and my
• 11:25
  friend, we went to brunch like normal people in broad daylight
• 11:28
  and somehow it turned to the wildest day.
• 11:32
  It was so much fun. I mean I still think about it
• 11:34
  now. We always reminisce about this,
• 11:36
  but there were literally famous football players asked me their
• 11:40
  names. I have no idea, but people were
• 11:42
  like going up. I'm asking for like autographs,
• 11:44
  taking pictures and stuff. But anyways, I of course started
• 11:49
  dancing and that turned into shuffling on tables.
• 11:53
  Like, why were we on tables? I feel like younger me always
• 11:57
  was dancing on tables. Maybe I was living out my coyote
• 11:59
  ugly fantasy. We were having a time and then
• 12:04
  all of a sudden, because it's Vegas, you know, we kept going
• 12:08
  that night. I think it was maybe New Year's
• 12:10
  Eve. We went to multiple clubs and
• 12:12
  ended up in VIP with bottle service.
• 12:14
  And just back then, I just feel like that was such a big deal.
• 12:19
  Like we thought we were the shit.
• 12:21
  We stayed out until 6 AM, 6:00 AM.
• 12:25
  Now there is absolutely no way. Absolutely not.
• 12:30
  I go to bed when Axley goes to bed. 6:00 AM now I'm waking up
• 12:34
  from my mom walks. My nights now look like P JS
• 12:39
  face mask on reality TV playing and my little night night tea.
• 12:44
  But yeah that's my VIP now. But back then wake up at 2:00 PM
• 12:49
  hungover brunch. Do it all over again.
• 12:51
  Now I'm early, taking care of my baby, working out, trying to hit
• 12:58
  my 10K steps a day. Back then I needed a mimosa, now
• 13:04
  I need a coffee and a moment to myself.
• 13:06
  And let's be real, there are so many things I could just not
• 13:11
  handle now. Staying out past midnight.
• 13:14
  No sleep needs to be done. So no sleep.
• 13:19
  Absolutely not a hangover with a baby.
• 13:22
  Jail. Immediate jail heals.
• 13:26
  Yeah, I'm choosing comfort every time, even though old Lex would
• 13:30
  be running up and down that Vegas Strip shoeless.
• 13:33
  Like if I went out today, I would be the girl in VIP sitting
• 13:36
  down, holding water, checking the time, thinking about my bed
• 13:40
  the whole time. And honestly, if I try to go
• 13:44
  back to that life now, I'd need probably like 3 to 5 business
• 13:48
  days to recover. I don't even miss that version
• 13:52
  of me the way I honestly thought I would.
• 13:56
  She was fun, she was chaotic, she has stories, but she grew
• 14:01
  up. But this version of me, the one
• 14:04
  in pajamas, drinking tea, going to bed early, this one just
• 14:08
  feels better. I used to choose chaos, I used
• 14:11
  to chase it and now I protect my peace.
• 14:14
  On that note, I'm done blabbing now.
• 14:16
  Thanks for listening. Thanks for the support.
• 14:19
  You guys are my literal emotional support blanket, my
• 14:22
  emotional support water bottle. Everything you guys enjoy this
• 14:27
  episode, please make sure to follow me on Instagram at Mom
• 14:30
  gone mild under score podcast. We have tons of fun over there.
• 14:33
  Updates on 75 hard mom life, all of it.
• 14:38
  Also a quick little update today marks 31 days.
• 14:42
  Yes you heard that right. One month of 75 hard and you
• 14:46
  know here we celebrate everything.
• 14:48
  So plus my son turns 8 months. My mom heart literally can't
• 14:54
  take it. I'm already planning his 1st
• 14:56
  birthday. I ugly cry looking at him all
• 15:00
  the time. I know I'm one and done.
• 15:03
  I say that all the time but sometimes I just wonder.
• 15:07
  I don't know, sometimes I just wonder, to be honest.
• 15:11
  But this year, 2026 just feels different.
• 15:15
  I'm manifesting so many good things.
• 15:17
  I'm excited. And yeah, so if you guys like
• 15:22
  this episode, I have more for you.
• 15:25
  Of course, Please binge, unless if you're already caught up,
• 15:29
  then thank you and I'll be back next week.
• 15:31
  But we also have some guests coming up, so lots of exciting
• 15:36
  things coming on. Mom gone and mild also.
• 15:40
  Please please please subscribe subscribe like share comment
• 15:45
  please do everything you guys are amazing I love you as
• 15:49
  always. Same time, same place next week.