Latest / The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten / Signs Your Girlfriend Will Continue Liking Sex After Marriage

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Signs Your Girlfriend Will Continue Liking Sex After Marriage · The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten

• 0:05
  Hi everybody, and welcome to the dr.
• 0:07
  Psych mom show today. I am going to talk about by
• 0:11
  Facebook follower request. Signs that your girlfriend will
• 0:14
  continue to, like, sex after marriage.
• 0:16
  I've obviously discussed the inverse quite a bit.
• 0:19
  The red flags that your partner will stop liking sex after
• 0:22
  marriage and kids, but I'll go into depth about what to look
• 0:25
  for. I've done that in the
• 0:28
  compatibility post, but not fully just about this topic,
• 0:32
  which we should get into, so that, You know, you're aware
• 0:36
  that there are signs that, that are, you know, that somebody's
• 0:40
  more inclined to Value physical touch over the long-term
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  although nothing is set in stone with that.
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  And I'll discuss that too before that though.
• 0:49
  You should subscribe. The most recent episode is about
• 0:54
  you should divorce. When you're accepting of the
• 0:57
  divorce versus when you're angry and can't stand your partner.
• 1:00
  Because if you do it, when you're super angry, it will be a
• 1:03
  contentious horrible. All thing to put your kids
• 1:05
  through and you could avoid that by doing the necessary work to
• 1:10
  process and groove the end of the marriage, prior to the
• 1:13
  marriage end, which is what a lot of people don't realize.
• 1:17
  All right? So turning the topic at hand, I
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  mean we could talk about science that your husband will stop
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  liking marriage after stop liking that are signs, your
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  husband will stop. Liking marriage, would be funny,
• 1:28
  funny topic but signs that your husband will stop liking sex.
• 1:31
  We could do that too. But the main one, the only one
• 1:34
  Ever seen correlate, is does your husband not like sex that
• 1:38
  much, and that brings me to an interesting topic, which is,
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  this is the same so all y'all that exists, everybody raise
• 1:47
  your hand, the high like an amazing like super fulfilling,
• 1:51
  erotic connection prior to marriage and then she was just
• 1:54
  like, actually fuck you. I don't like any of that, that's
• 1:57
  not real, the vast vast majority of the people that I work with,
• 2:03
  who end up in sexless or very unfulfilling sexual
• 2:06
  relationships. Can if they try, see the origin
• 2:10
  of these signs that the origin of this sexlessness in the
• 2:19
  earliest, sexual encounters. Sure you were having a little
• 2:22
  more sex then maybe even a lot more sex.
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  But what happened when you suggested something new?
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  What happened? When you were playful in bed?
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  What happened? When you try to share a fantasy?
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  What happened? When you got hard at an inn?
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  Cartoon moment, when she grows doubt.
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  Yes, yes, yes she was for the last end.
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  What happened is basically nothing good for any of the
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  prior things that I said, usually people like to, you
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  know, get themselves off the hook for things.
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  So they're like, man, I never could have told that she wasn't
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  going to like sex after marriage.
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  What a bait-and-switch women man, you know, can't live with
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  them. Can't kill him, right?
• 3:00
  So this is like, actually would be a good attitude compared to
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  some of the The people that get very angry with me on social
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  media about. For example, the fact, the
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  statistic, the fact that men cheat more frequently than
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  women, because they have 1,000 billion zillion times more
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  testosterone. Oh shit.
• 3:19
  But like, I mean but people are like, really upset if you say
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  something like that, because there are guys and women to,
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  this is cross gender, people like to be victims, don't be
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  these people don't be somebody who puts your head so far.
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  Are into this and you know that you can't see that, you not your
• 3:39
  fault but you missed and didn't look at real deep red flags that
• 3:46
  this person was going wasn't what you thought, wasn't what
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  you wanted them to be. This person was not what you
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  wanted them to be. It is incredibly rare for a man
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  to say that he married the best sex of his life.
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  Unless of course she was the only sex of his life in which
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  case he is factually. Correct.
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  But a man Let's say that had multiple partners, marries the
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  most sexually open one, the one who is initiating the one who
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  sang, wouldn't this be fun, wouldn't that be fun?
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  The one where you come home and she's in lingerie.
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  The one who is, you know, sending you sexy pictures during
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  the day, the one who wants to do everything in bed that this is a
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  valued part of her life that her sexual identity is super
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  important to her and then it just goes to nothing and she's
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  grossed out by everything. It doesn't really happen.
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  It doesn't happen that much. If it does happen a she's not
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  grossed out like she's just like, no, because you don't go
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  by the way, from somebody who's not grossed out by sex to
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  somebody who is yes. There is of course the
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  inhibitions are lower during the honeymoon phase and you can go
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  from someone who will do things because basically their
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  adrenaline is pumping to somebody who is who they're
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  grossed out nastas is revealed in its full Glory but date you
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  go from somebody who thinks who's open-minded about sex to
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  somebody's closed-minded. It just it's not it's not a
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  thing that happens. If it does happen, it is due to
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  some tremendous life change, like, like they get raped or
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  some something terrible, you know, or like they have a
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  horrible trauma happen, or they are even when they're very
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  depressed is still not that they go to that group.
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  They're grossed out by sex, they just don't want You know, even
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  when they have children and they're touched out, it doesn't
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  mean that they're grossed out. And even when they fucking hate
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  you, because you're not perfect either and the marriage goes to
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  shit. They're still not disgusted by
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  sex if they didn't start out that way.
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  But guys do not understand. Some guys, especially with low
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  self-esteem and the next thing that I'm going to record is
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  about so you know like keep listening is that guys with low
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  self-esteem pick? Women, who are that into them in
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  the beginning as do women with low self-esteem?
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  And then they later the woman gets even less into them and
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  then they finally, it's so dramatic that they can admit,
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  there's a problem, but like they wouldn't have, they didn't even
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  understand that. Women could really be into them.
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  And when some women were into them, they were not into these
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  women because classic Imago Theory, didn't feel like home
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  felt like why is this woman out my ass all the time wanted to
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  hang out? I don't That oh, you know who
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  I'm going to go for that one over there, that has more things
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  to do than just hang out with me all the time.
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  It's a challenge. That's a high quality woman by
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  definition that one over there who doesn't want to fuck me, is
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  a high quality woman. So says the man with low
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  self-esteem, inarticulately nebulously in his brain, I see
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  this all the time and I see it in the gender inverse women have
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  men who want to you know, do everything for them.
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  They're like oh you're cute friend zone.
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  I'm going to go from mr. Asshole, is this all women?
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  Certainly not despite what you may read on the internet.
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  That is not accurate at all healthy.
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  Women like the guy who likes them that for a healthy person.
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  Seeing that somebody likes you that you think better of them,
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  you think they have good taste. They like me because you heard
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  growing up as a kid that you're good.
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  That you are a good person that deserves good things to happen.
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  And you are an appealing, delightful person to be with.
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  And if you hear that, then you Leave it, you know, but all the
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  people who didn't hear that when somebody likes you too much,
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  it's thought to be a bad sign. It's like, woah, look at that
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  stupid idiot likes me the fuck's wrong with that person, right?
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  So let's let's be real here. The 99% of people that are in
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  sexually unfulfilled in relationships, had knew it could
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  have known it at the very beginning, but they were people
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  who didn't Want to see it because they were not attracted
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  to anybody. That was too into that.
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  So it's a very interesting thing, when you go back, like,
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  with a therapist, let's say so guys, and I've said this before,
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  but it's Merit saying, again, just very relevant to this
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  topic. Guys are like, yeah, used to be
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  great. We had a great sex life.
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  Oh, yeah, really, when you were dating, how is so?
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  So you were having sex all the time?
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  Well, no, you know, not all the time but more we're having sex
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  more and she would do more things.
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  Oh, so that's when The oral sex. Well, you know, I mean, depends
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  what you mean by oral sex? Yeah, you know, for like for a
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  couple minutes, it was never her favorite but you know, she did,
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  she did she did do it, she put it in her mouth.
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  I remember was March 15th 2004, she did.
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  It was eight seconds. Oh, but do you know, you have
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  these BDSM thing that you like to do?
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  I assume then in the early life she did that.
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  Well you know she she she has these things.
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  She likes and these things she didn't but you know, it was
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  okay. Okay, because we were having
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  sex, you know, you know, and she seemed to like it sometimes she
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  had an orgasm, you know. I think think she did that.
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  I definitely think she does. Sure, don't press me too hard.
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  Not exactly. Sure, but you okay.
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  And yeah, we did. We, we did have 90 seconds of
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  what I now recount it was. I even at the time, fearly
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  closed off. Disconnected, sex, but she did
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  afterwards say she loved me and that's what.
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  To get back to, you know, it's like it's like, you know, you
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  know, it what it wasn't ever what you wanted, but when you
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  don't have high self-esteem than you think that you a that all
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  women will kind of not really be that into you and be that, you
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  know, the women who are are somehow subpar.
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  So, whatever and take this for what it is with this is God's
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  honest truth and you should reflect on it so much because if
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  you are actually single and Vorst at this point and wanting
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  somebody else. You may find yourself drawn to
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  the women who don't like you again, don't fucking do that.
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  You went down that road. You may find yourself drawn to
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  the women. Who are like, no, I don't do
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  this, this, this, this and this in bed, but I do do these two
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  things. Would you like those two things
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  right there, penis and vagina intercourse?
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  And you know? And you know well, I think it's
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  one thing actually. Now that I think about it, but
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  it's a good thing, right? I mean you know that's what men
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  like isn't. It don't go down that road.
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  So, all right, that was my big Preamble, but here are the
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  signs, that a woman would like sex.
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  Like, you don't know these. I mean, all of them are
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  commonsensical, but I will just belabor the point as I was asked
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  to do they, like physical touch can't get over this one?
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  A woman who likes sex. Okay, a woman who will still
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  like sex after the honeymoon stage, Fades is a woman who
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  always like physical touch, so that means that she's Huggy
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  kissy touchy-feely. She likes to cuddle, she likes
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  to get her back rubbed. She likes that get her feet.
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  Rob, she likes all these things. She can't live without physical
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  touch. She follows you around for
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  physical. Touch, does that sound like your
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  ex-wife that didn't like sex now or your current wife?
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  No, never. So think about it already.
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  I'm not saying that a 24 year old man should know this.
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  What I'm saying is don't beat up yourself or your wife verbally
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  or think that it was some kind of bait and switch it.
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  When you go through these you'll realize she didn't have any of
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  them if you're complaining about.
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  Now, you know that she doesn't like sex, she didn't have any of
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  these signs that she would not that you were supposed to know
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  that. But anyway, so this woman
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  really, really likes. Physical touch.
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  He likes it with a friend. She likes it with her kids.
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  She likes it with her dog. She likes it with everybody.
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  She herself wants physical touch all the time, next open
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  mindedness around six. This is key.
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  She has to want to talk about sex, talk about fantasies.
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  This is a big part of her. Identity is being a sexual
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  person. Oh my God.
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  Guess what? This might come with, hold on to
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  your Hat. But it may come with a plethora
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  of sexual experience. So if your low self-esteem
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  prohibits you from being with a woman that ever enjoyed sex
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  before she met you, well then I got up an unpleasant Truth for
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  you which is that if you want to marry a woman who likes sex,
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  unless she is a 16 years old in which case you could take this
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  one off the. But you know what?
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  She probably even then would have liked his somebody before
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  you and and had a sexual relationship.
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  But even if she didn't if you met a woman It's in her 20s.
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  In the first time she enjoyed sex was with you.
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  It's not because you are a porn star.
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  It's because she doesn't really enjoy sex.
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  And so, you know, I mean, she didn't enjoy sex.
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  She didn't want to have sex that bad.
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  She had sex a couple times, she didn't really like it and now,
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  she quote likes it with you. Well, does she really or does
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  she just loved you and though, she not even no difference
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  because she doesn't know what good sex is, which I talk about
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  all the time, women with low, sex drive.
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  So I'm really know what good sex is.
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  So they assume that it's having penis in vagina intercourse.
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  With a man that you love, that is good sex.
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  That's what they think it is. So anyway, open-mindedness
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  sharing a fantasies bringing sex up as a topic flirting talking
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  about things talking about Pat, sexual experiences, wanting to
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  know about your past sexual experiences.
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  Some you like sex? I mean, really like somebody who
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  likes to think about it and talk about it.
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  Somebody who has previously been in a relationship that did not
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  become completely sexless? Well, that's a good sign for
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  yours. Not becoming completely sexless
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  in the future. If you even when she Did her
• 13:34
  ex-husband? They still did have sex good
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  sign for you because that means, even if she hates you in the
• 13:39
  future, you'll still have sex. Right?
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  What else? I mean, if the woman is
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  introspective in general, and knows that a relationship is
• 13:49
  something you need to work on, not an idealist that things, you
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  know, that life is a Nicholas Sparks movie and the notebook
• 13:57
  and, you know, or any other ones and he was an author by the way,
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  I only mentioned him because he's wrote the book that know.
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  A book and I read it years ago. So I know one romance novel.
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  But anyway, so if she thinks that, oh, we just fit together
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  so perfectly and we're never gonna have to work on our
• 14:15
  relationship ever and our sex will be effortless forever.
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  Then she's a fool either. She's very young or she's a
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  fool, you know? And if she's very young then you
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  could start to say things if you're probably then also very
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  young. I hope I hope that I'm not
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  talking to any 50 year old men that are saying, boy, I Have a
• 14:34
  20-year sex life with the 24 year old that I'm dating man
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  you're going to be like 70 something like even the most
• 14:44
  narcissistic Guy cannot imagine that it's 70 something he would
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  be able to really you know please a 40 year old woman but I
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  mean, I don't know. Like who knows what people think
• 14:54
  the point being is that in that case by the way if you want to
• 14:57
  do 20 years younger, you should certainly date a lower libido
• 15:00
  woman because then you will kind of Matt max out at the Same
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  level, you know, after the honeymoon stage, and after
• 15:07
  things, go a little bad for you. Because men do not have the same
• 15:10
  sex drive in their 50s 60s, and beyond that, they do in their
• 15:12
  30s 40s and lower, but that's an aside.
• 15:16
  So the point being here, it has to be a woman that likes sex,
• 15:21
  that likes touch. That's always like sex.
• 15:24
  That's always like, touch that likes, talking about things
• 15:27
  openly, whether they are sex or the relationship and that is
• 15:30
  committed to making the marriage work.
• 15:32
  So if it's somebody were you Ask for a blow job and they're like
• 15:36
  disgusted and like I'm not in the mood.
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  This isn't somebody to be with, this is the fucking honeymoon
• 15:43
  stage. If you are dating somebody in
• 15:44
  the honeymoon stage they don't like a blowjob.
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  When do you think they're going to like it?
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  Like I mean really whenever they are never going to like it.
• 15:52
  This is the most that they would ever like it and they don't like
• 15:55
  it. So for you to then say it will
• 15:57
  change. It's not going to change if
• 16:00
  you're trying to talk about fantasies and she's like, yo, I
• 16:03
  would never want to think about. about you with another woman
• 16:05
  ever, you Ew, it's not an appropriate response with it.
• 16:11
  A high like libido marriage, you know, a highly sexual marriage.
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  There's no you, you know, if it's you then it will.
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  If it's you about one thing, it's going to start to be you
• 16:20
  about everything. So you then you could say, does
• 16:23
  this mean that I can't have any things.
• 16:24
  I don't want to do, of course. I mean, everybody has something
• 16:27
  they don't want to do but you is different.
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  So there should be. No, no, ew, no gross.
• 16:33
  No, that's immoral, none of it. Like, if you I said to your
• 16:37
  wife, I want to have sex, you know, what my fantasy is.
• 16:41
  I don't want to do it because I love you but what I think about
• 16:43
  is I think about having sex with three women at once and she's
• 16:46
  like ill oh my God ew I never thought.
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  Oh my God, oh my God. Like what what did you say?
• 16:53
  You didn't say that you you know want to have non-consensual sex
• 16:57
  with a yak you know I mean it's like it's like when men just
• 17:01
  like they were like oh well that's cute.
• 17:03
  Women are different than men she's a gentle.
• 17:07
  Little delicate flower, she's a gentle delicate flower.
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  She's a woman that shitting on your fantasy life.
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  You got to see the difference so to regroup to be clear she's got
• 17:21
  to like sex. She's got to like touch.
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  He's got to talk about fantasies.
• 17:23
  There can be no judgment and women like this exist certainly
• 17:27
  certainly they do. What do they not have the magic
• 17:30
  thing that you're always looking for secretly that?
• 17:32
  They don't may not have, they may actually like Q.
• 17:37
  So, if you subconscious Lee, get off on having to be the pursuer
• 17:42
  because you do not think that you are worthwhile enough, any
• 17:46
  woman of any value pursuing you, then that's it.
• 17:49
  You got to work on in therapy and if you don't, you will end
• 17:51
  up in the same situation of basically the Martyr and the ice
• 17:54
  queen refer to my podcast with that name, the Martyr and the
• 17:57
  ice queen and you'll end up in that situation for the rest of
• 18:00
  your life over and over like some kind of, you know, Rod
• 18:04
  Serling like you know, Jackoff fantasies I see, you know, I'm
• 18:08
  like like like the Twilight Zone Redux the man who can never be,
• 18:12
  sexually fulfilled and ironically gets into the same
• 18:15
  exact sexual relationship over and over and over.
• 18:19
  You don't want to be that you don't want to be that but you
• 18:21
  will be that if you ignore the things like you like don't touch
• 18:26
  me. Like my ex only wanted me for
• 18:29
  sex. Like I don't know, like all of
• 18:33
  the judgmental comments about touch or sex or whatever.
• 18:37
  You also by the way when you get into another relationship again,
• 18:41
  you do not want somebody who has, who puts you on a pedestal.
• 18:45
  So I'm not saying to be with a woman who idealizes you beyond
• 18:51
  all rationality because then you're going to fall right off
• 18:53
  and get T value. That's usually a woman with
• 18:55
  borderline personality. There's the same women that do
• 18:57
  the shit tests. Go to my shit, test podcast.
• 19:00
  So if you you know kind of a regular dude that just happens
• 19:05
  to like have progressed in his Career and not to be a shitty
• 19:08
  father. If you're interacting with a
• 19:10
  woman after you divorce your wife or if you're single now if
• 19:15
  you're interacting with a woman that's like, oh my God, you're
• 19:18
  the perfect man. Nothing will ever be wrong in
• 19:22
  our relationship. You are the exact opposite of my
• 19:26
  ex in every way. Look at you.
• 19:27
  You're an amazing. Father, you're an amazing man.
• 19:30
  You're so smart and so handsome. And so wonderful, watch the fuck
• 19:36
  out. Shit is crazy.
• 19:38
  That is idealization and that will flip to devaluation the
• 19:43
  minute that the honeymoon stage ends.
• 19:46
  And you can see it because she probably toxic her ex's.
• 19:49
  The biggest piece of shit on the planet, never a good sign.
• 19:53
  Do not sweep in there like mr. Idiot White Knight on the horse
• 19:58
  to save her from her supposedly. Toxic ex he's not that toxic.
• 20:03
  You're going to realize it. And I get, I give you three.
• 20:06
  The years to realize. Hmm, he may have had a point I
• 20:12
  kind of understand what their fights were about.
• 20:14
  Now that I have fallen off the pedestal into disgrace and I
• 20:18
  should probably and we'll probably do a podcast on this
• 20:21
  about how to tell how to not trust the person that puts you
• 20:26
  on a super big pedestal of thinking that you're absolutely
• 20:30
  perfect. This is a no way what I mean by
• 20:31
  finding a partner that likes you a partner that likes, you knows
• 20:34
  that you're also a real person. Bad sign sign that you're
• 20:38
  involved with somebody. Who's either has borderline or
• 20:40
  narcissistic, traits is when they can see, absolutely nothing
• 20:44
  wrong with you at all. And you are the sole perfect
• 20:48
  person that will rescue you from their life, which was peppered
• 20:52
  and littered with so much disappointment and so many
• 20:56
  horrible bad people. Bad sign, bad sign but I could
• 21:00
  talk about that and its own podcast and I will alright.
• 21:03
  Well hopefully this was practically and pragmatically.
• 21:06
  Well, as well as leading to more deep psychological insight.
• 21:10
  About what the hell is wrong with you to keep picking these
• 21:12
  women that don't want to fuck you because you don't deserve
• 21:14
  that nobody deserves that everybody deserves to have at
• 21:18
  least once a relationship or you could just shoot the shit about
• 21:22
  what you want to do in bed. That is certainly within your
• 21:26
  purview. You could definitely get that
• 21:28
  with a woman and if you think you can't therapy is always an
• 21:33
  option and it's always very helpful, not always very
• 21:35
  helpful. Not I don't like to lie, it is
• 21:38
  not always very helpful but it is helpful.
• 21:40
  If you meet the right therapist that you click with and you are
• 21:42
  present and motivated to do the work with said therapist.
• 21:45
  Okay? And now, I feel like I said the
• 21:48
  right thing and we can go all righty.
• 21:50
  Bye-bye.