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Back Off to Move Forward: What Tailgating Taught Me About Marriage · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for March 9th, 2029 Back off to move forward.
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  What tailgating taught me about marriage?
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  Have you ever noticed how often people
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  do the exact opposite of what would actually get them what they want?
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  And most continue the counterproductive behavior, seemingly unaware of the situation.
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  Let me use tailgating as an example.
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  When we drive into town, we travel 10 miles on a busy two-lane highway with
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  one very short passing lane.
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  Curves and hills limit areas marked as safe to pass, and traffic usually makes
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  that impossible anyway.
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  The speed limit is 60 miles an hour. At least half the folks driving it want
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  to go 65 or faster, and about 10% don't want to go any faster than 50.
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  So there's a lot of tailgating.
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  Some of it is stupidly close.
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  I've never seen tailgating speed someone up. I have seen it result in people going even slower.
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  I generally maintain two seconds between myself and the car ahead,
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  even if they are going slow, as I was taught all those years ago in driver's ed.
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  Then recently, I decided to back off a bit more.
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  Amazingly, the guy in front of me sped up. I tried this several more times,
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  and about half the time it results in better speed.
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  Not always up to the speed limit, but noticeably faster.
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  No one likes to be pushed. Be it intentional or subconscious,
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  some drivers react to being pushed by slowing down, and some react to be given
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  a bit of space by increasing their speed.
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  I conclude that tailgating the driver in front of you will not make them go
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  faster and may cause them to slow down.
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  Pushing them, as it were, is counterproductive to your goal.
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  Yet I see people do that almost every time I drive to town.
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  Perhaps being rude and aggressive makes the drivers feel better,
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  but at a steep cost. Several times a year, it results in a crash that takes multiple lives.
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  With all that as background, let me ask you this. Do you think pushing your
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  spouse is likely to get you what you want?
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  Give them some space and see what happens.
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  Like drivers who tailgate, you may think pushing your spouse will somehow help.
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  If this has never happened, it's time to find a new tactic.
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  This is Paul, and tailgating your spouse is not doing marriage well.