Latest / The Talent Brief / Busy Isn't a Feeling
Transcript
- Jeff Ganter: Hi, how are you? Busy? Swamped? A little crazy right now. Trying to catch up? We've all said some version of it. I know I have. But lately I've been noticing something. None of those are feelings. I'm Jeff Gantor, and thanks for listening to the Talent Brief. A few weeks ago, in productivity is an identity. I talked about how often we answer a simple question like, How are you? with busy, swamped, finally catching up. At the time, I was thinking about productivity and how easily what we do can become a part of how we define ourselves. But I don't think I was finished with that question. Because there's another pattern sitting underneath it. Busy tells you what I'm doing. It doesn't necessarily tell you how I'm feeling. A while ago, I was looking at a list of feelings, not tasks, not responsibilities, actual feelings, and I realized how easy it is to describe what's happening around us without naming what's happening inside of us. Maybe I'm overwhelmed, lonely, excited, scared, hopeful, disappointed. content? Or maybe I generally don't know. And I don't know might sometimes be a more honest answer than busy. Because we know how to talk about what we're caring. We're not always as comfortable talking about how caring it feels. And maybe that's because every one of us learned something about feelings along the way. What got attention, What made people uncomfortable? What got dismissed? What were expected to get over? Eventually some responses become automatic. I'm fine. It's not a big deal. I can handle it. Just keep going. And here's what interests me. I don't need to know exactly where every pattern came from to recognize that I have one. I just need to notice what I learned so I can decide what I want to carry forward. Because those patterns follow us into work, relationships, friendships, leadership, even the conversations we have with ourselves. So maybe when someone asks, How are you? and we immediately answer, busy. We're not avoiding anything. Maybe that's simply the language we've practiced the longest. Which makes me wonder what did I learn to do with my feelings? Talk about them? Hide them? Minimize them? Joke about them? Fix them? Push through them? Take care of everyone else's instead? There's no right answer. There's just a pattern to notice. And that's become an important part of signals versus scripts for me. Notice, name, question, choose. There's a reason choose comes last. First notice what's happening. Then name it. Not diagnose it. Not justify it. Not immediately fix it. Just name it. Because there's a difference between I have too much to do and I feel overwhelmed. There's a difference between work has been crazy and I feel unappreciated. There's a difference between I just need a vacation and I don't feel like myself right now. The circumstances may be exactly the same. The information isn't. But we're incredibly quick to turn feelings into problems to solve. We feel something and almost immediately the script shows up. Do something about it. But what if the feeling doesn't need to be fixed yet? What if it just needs to be heard? So here's the signal check this week. Catch yourself once. Someone asks, How are you? And you say, busy? Fine. But five seconds later, ask yourself wait. That's what I'm doing. How am I feeling? That's it. Don't don't judge the first answer. Don't turn the second one into another project. Don't try to become better at feelings by next Tuesday. Just notice. Busy might describe your calendar, your workload, your Even your life right now. But busy isn't a feeling. And maybe the real shift isn't becoming better at feelings. Maybe it's becoming a little more willing to hear yourself. Trust the signal, question the script. See you soon. Bye.