Latest / ShameOver - The Drink Less Podcast / This One Trick Can Interrupt Overdrinking in the Moment
Transcript
- Erica+ShameOver: Hey all, welcome back to Shame Over. I'm Erika Mallory and I am so glad that you are here. Today is going to be one of our quick episodes that is really just helping with one simple tool, trick, something you can incorporate into your day starting today, hopefully, that can help you drink less while understanding yourself and your patterns more. So I'm going to give you one of the most simple tools that I have used in my own life. I use my clients. And it can completely change how your nights go without you needing to focus on willpower or anything along those lines. Because be honest, most of us don't plan to over drink, right? I remember my biggest nights out were the ones that I'm like last minute where I was like, Romanda and I, sure, want to go get a drink? Yeah, it'll be an early night. And those were the nights we were out all night long. So I totally get it. We do not plan on over drinking. It just kind of happens. afterward we're like, well, why didn't I stop? Why didn't I say no? ⁓ did I say? What happened? Why did I do that? ⁓ I pick a fight again? ⁓ of these things. So today I want to really equip you with a tool that can help you stay connected to yourself in the moment without feeling controlled or judged or called out, but a way that others can support you. This is not something you want to share with everyone. Maybe one person, your closest person. And this is my favorite thing, a code word. No, it is not a safe word. They're very different, but kind of the same, I guess. But the code word is basically, it's going to be a prearranged word or phrase between you and someone that you trust. The trust factor is huge here. So it can be a partner, friend, whoever you're with that can help. to gently and lovingly, those are your keywords right there, bring you back to awareness. That's it. It's not about control or correction. It's not calling you out. It's just a little nudge to bring you back to you. So I want this to be loud and clear because this is not about someone managing you. It is about someone supporting you and the version that you said that you wanna be, that you are working toward becoming. That's it. So. For my husband and I, this kind of started out when we were first dating when felt like we needed to be more present, but you know, like we both worked a ton and always had our phones and you know, whatever. ⁓ I like calling no phone zones, but sometimes saying like, no phone zone or get off your phone or, know, that can send the guards right up. So we came up with a code word. This is from my, my favorite movie, not favorite movie, but a great movie, meet the Fockers or ⁓ one those, meet the parents, one of them, where muskrat, muskrat's are family code word, right? ⁓ But I of that and I'm like, we, we need to say a code word so that when one of us are kind of bugging the other, like with phone usage, usage, example, We can say it and that's a way of politely saying like, please get off your phone without all the guards going up, without people getting defensive, without like this combative nature, right? Cause nobody wants to be told, I don't like what you're doing. You're doing it wrong, blah, blah, whatever. So we came up with a code word. Then started applying this to other things. So for drinking, same thing. If you feel comfortable with someone, you can say it to yourself. Probably won't work as well, but Come up with a code word with someone that you really love and trust that you know can honor this in a supportive, kind way that will just help you. What the purpose of this is, is one. Come up with something that is lighthearted, fun, makes you smile like Bambi, Platypus, are other ones? Muskrat, meerkat. My kids even came up, my daughter has one and. it's something, but I always say Foxtrot. And she's like, that's not what it is. But then it gets her out. But the whole point is have it be something lighthearted. Hopefully that makes you smile or chuckle or something so that when you are in the moment, it doesn't feel like a personal attack. It feels like that. Like, hey, just bringing you back to the moment, you know, ⁓ lovingly you said you didn't want to drink. So you asked me to, when you were ordering your second drink ⁓ say muskrat so that you remembered. Right. ⁓ When you're doing this with a person, again, trust is key. Make sure that it's something that you guys know that this is not a babysitting thing. This is not a management thing. This is a here's how you can help support me when I know that I'm not at my strongest. Right. And you need to say this before drink five. This is something that's probably drink one or two, because once you get past that is when the guards are going to go up, when you are kind of going to get snappy at each other or take it as like a personal attack. when that's not what it is at all. And that defeats the whole purpose of this. The last thing that this needs to do is make you feel resistant in any way. It's... know for me early on with my drinking, I hadn't even told my husband that I was going to be drinking less or anything because ⁓ that fear of judgment of all of that. I also didn't want to bring him into the process because I didn't want to feel like he was monitoring me or babysitting me or I didn't want the dynamic to change at all. And I also don't want to be told what to do. I know most of us... That is a triggering thing. Like you're going to tell me to stop. Okay. I'm going to have more just to piss you off because I can. Right. Which is hilarious because most of us that do that are not that kind of personality at all. But when it comes to drinking, we're like, is when I feel like, yeah, that's I I'll prove you wrong. And it makes no sense. Right. But in the moment in our brain, it's like, yeah, you got this girl. So is not about that. That would annoy me. ⁓ It not be successful at all. So I get that. The control won't work. It is the complete opposite of that. So that is why this only works if it feels like support and not criticism, right? Support, not criticism. So the word itself honestly does not matter. be pineapple. It could be, hey babe, like literally anything, but the tone is The tone and the intentionality behind it. because if there's a sharp tone, it's gonna immediately feel like a correction. And then defensiveness, guards, all of that. If there's eye roll or frustration, it's gonna feel like judgment, which is gonna make you shut down and feel that shame, feel that guilt. If it's calm and soft and playful, it's gonna feel like, got you, like we're on the same team here. This is, we're doing this together. We're in this together. It leads to openness and it actually feels support. supportive. The tone is going to tell our nervous system if we're or not. So that is why, again, the word itself does not matter. It is the tone behind it. your nervous system is going to respond to how it is delivered, how the tone feels in our body. So. So let's say you're out and you've already had a couple drinks, you're feeling good, your partner leans over and softly says your code word, right? Not in a, had enough kind of way, but just like, hey, little chicken, you know? The moment isn't about stopping you. It's about interrupting the autopilot. Cause that is where we get, we are complete autopilot mode when we're, ⁓ once we're, ⁓ had at least that to, this is shutting off. We're going to normal relaxation. ⁓ normal reaction, I should say, how the body is automatically going to respond without having to think so much about it because our prefrontal cortex is shutting down. So this is where this code word, when delivered with love and grace and compassion in a lighthearted way, giving you this space to actually be like, wait, what do I actually want right now? Is this, I pulled them into this process to help support me. That is what they're doing. And again, this is why the conversation has to be had so that they know how important it is, the tone, the delivery. Because the truth is, once we're a few drinks in, we already know this. Our ability to choose starts to fade. That's why all of us come in with great intentions, like, yeah, I can totally do this. And by drink three, completely out the window. It is not a willpower issue. And I hate that so many of us have been taught that this just means we don't have willpower. not, we don't have enough strength. We don't have self-control. No, it's literally the brain. So this is a tool that isn't about being stronger, it's about staying connected and having that reminder. It triggers that am safe, this is what I want, this is who I'm working to become. So it's a pause. It is not a punishment. So if you need help setting this up, try it with someone, a loved one. the conversation before you're in the moment. ⁓ ⁓ on a word or a phrase, and most importantly, you need to agree on the energy behind it. Because remember, this is support, this is love, this is having each other's back, this is connectedness and togetherness. And this right here is exactly the kind of shift ⁓ helping people work on inside my reset that just started. ⁓ was called to kind recreate something because all of us, matter how long we've been doing this, we all come into moments of our lives chapters ⁓ where could use a reset. And this is not about white-knuckling it, about sobriety, about taking a period of time off if you want to. am absolutely here for it as long as you have the right intentions behind it and do the work when you're in that sober period. But regardless, it's not white-knuckling your way through drinking less. This is about understanding what's actually happening in your brain, ⁓ habits, your patterns, and really what's underneath because you need to be able to work with yourself and most of us are spending most of our effort, especially when we're drinking, working against ourselves. So tools like this, the code word, they sound simple. It is simple does not mean easy. I will be the first to admit that, but they are so powerful when you actually use them. And granted, this might not work for you. It might not work for everything. Try something that does. This is just one more tool in your toolbox for you to try and see how it feels. If it works, if it's not the right person, your judgment, your shame, all of that is going to go right up. Get rid of it. That is so important is this has to be done with the right person. So if you are ready to stop just repeating the same cycle over drinking and then questioning yourselves and then ⁓ it all and all these things, this ⁓ is going to help you finally feel more in control in a way that not only actually feels good to you, but is realistic for you. So people take a period of time off because they want to or need to for whatever reason they're being called to. but they haven't done the work to understand everything underneath. And then once they start drinking, they start drinking even more. They have a harder time stopping once they start drinking. All these different things come into play. And that is why a reset like this throughout, you know, whenever you need it is so crucial and important because it helps you take a pause, reflect, and understand what's going on in that moment. Because what's happening for me right now and is making me want to drink or on my mind, not expressing these emotions right now versus how I was feeling about, you know, similar circumstances five years ago, completely different. So this reset can help you understand where you are now while still under covering, uncovering things that you might never have understood or they just didn't hit at that time. So if you want to join this reset, I will drop a link for you in the show notes. And we will walk through this together. But I am so honored again for you being here, for you doing the work, for you showing up, for you being curious, because that is the number one thing to help change everything is showing up with curiosity. When we're curious, we don't have judgment. Literally being curious means losing the judgment. You're just trying to understand something in a way that isn't bringing in why it should be or shouldn't be. It's why is this the way that it is? Right? So if you take away nothing else, just get curious about what's going on, about how you're feeling, about underneath. All right. We'll see you next time. Thanks for being here.