Latest / Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage / Matchstick Men vs Guarding Tess

Transcript

Matchstick Men vs Guarding Tess · Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage

0:00
Oh, God. Oh, my God.
0:12
This is just so I could choose my options.
0:14
We wanted to give you all the flavor choices.
0:17
What if I wanted a suicide?
0:19
Oh, you could do on a pint glass.
0:23
That sounds awesome.
0:24
Yeah, I mean, I don't give a fuck.
0:25
Yeah, OK.
0:26
I mean, we'll finish them all at some point, anyways.
0:29
Absolutely.
0:30
Or I'll just have like four suicides.
0:32
You can only do the math.
0:33
You can only do one suicide as far as I know.
0:37
That's not how I've been working it.
0:39
Yeah, fuck it. I'll do it.
0:40
That's a weird place to join the conversation.
0:43
We'll do that. And then we'll start talking about his painless.
0:47
OK, brings on many changes.
0:52
We're going to have a good.
0:53
And leave it if.
0:55
Oh, shit, you're doing all four.
0:56
That's a suicide, baby.
0:58
I didn't do all the flavors.
1:00
I mean, I kind of want to.
1:01
I don't want to go upstairs again.
1:04
Sucker.
1:05
You missed your chance.
1:06
You didn't understand what a suicide was.
1:08
Did you have a childhood?
1:09
Oh, I thought we were just talking about killing ourselves for for our glorious God.
1:13
Like a regular childhood.
1:16
Did you guys did you notice that in matchstick men it was the oh, God?
1:21
Yeah.
1:21
Oh, God.
1:22
That's where that's.
1:23
Did you know where that was from?
1:24
No.
1:25
I think honestly, my favorite quotes from Nick Cage and matchstick
1:29
man is just going to end up being him being like, oh, oh.
1:35
You know what my favorite quote was?
1:37
Welcome back to cage matchup roundabout way of meeting Nicholas Cage.
1:40
Yeah, I'm just going to make it weirder from now on.
1:42
Deal with it, Nick.
1:43
Do it backwards next time.
1:45
You're not not Colin.
1:49
Nice. I'm your host, Sean, here with my co-host.
1:52
I'm Nick and our producer.
1:54
Hello, I'm Peter.
1:55
Which episode is this?
1:56
This is episode 30.
1:58
Oh, yeah.
1:59
We're almost done with round one.
2:01
There are bracket style Nicholas Cage,
2:04
where we're going to find out what the most cagey is.
2:05
Nick Cage film is as decided by us.
2:08
Some idiots in a basement.
2:09
I don't get a lot of you put all four flavors in one cup.
2:12
That's pretty good.
2:14
You know what I'm most excited for for this conversation?
2:17
Where that gets edited in.
2:19
I'm going to leave it right there.
2:20
That seems perfect.
2:22
About what what else gets edited in around it?
2:25
Well, you could talk about how sticky my end of the table is going to be.
2:28
I mean, everything is sticky at this point.
2:29
I spilled lime sparkle buddy all over everything already.
2:32
So excellent.
2:33
I'm glad I showered right before coming here.
2:35
Yeah, there it is.
2:37
Me too. Oh, it's everywhere.
2:40
Yeah, it's hot out.
2:43
We're in the basement.
2:43
It's cooler here, but it's still not great.
2:47
I don't know. This is actually pretty nice.
2:49
This is very, very acceptable.
2:51
I mean, we're going to hot mouth this thing for a little bit.
2:53
Yeah. It'll be a different story.
2:54
It's a good thing we all decided to take our pants off.
2:56
Well, yeah, that is tradition.
2:58
The real trick is never wear pants.
3:00
I mean, this is how you know this is how you have a comfortable conversation
3:03
with a group of guys in a basement.
3:05
This week, we're in our comedy category discussing comedy
3:10
in quotes, discussing matchstick men versus guarding tests.
3:14
Anyway, so guarding tests.
3:16
Let me take that again.
3:18
Guarding tests, guarding tests, guarding tests,
3:23
good in this.
3:24
Oh, I like that.
3:26
I watched a lot of Telemundo as a kid.
3:29
You can tell because of how Japanese that accent sounds.
3:33
I didn't watch TV. I don't know what people are.
3:35
This is going to be one of those episodes.
3:38
Yeah, we're nailing it so far.
3:40
So guarding tests are a Nicholas Cage as Secret Service agent
3:43
Doug Chesnick and Shirley MacLean is former First Lady Tess Carlisle.
3:49
And yeah, huge pain in the ass.
3:51
Former First Lady, huge pain in the ass.
3:53
Yeah. So the whole premise of this film is Nicholas Cage is
3:57
Secret Service security for former first lady.
4:00
He's done his three year stint.
4:01
He's going to go back to Washington.
4:03
He wants to guard the president, but she wants him back.
4:06
Not because she likes him or anything, just because she's kind of a bitch.
4:10
But then maybe she likes him.
4:12
But then she doesn't. But then maybe she does.
4:14
Well, Tess is a lot like an ogre,
4:17
which is to say she's like an onion, which is to say she has layers.
4:21
And those layers are revealed to us over the course of 90 minutes with no lead in.
4:26
I feel about as strongly about this movie as I do.
4:31
Kind of anything.
4:33
It's just I don't know.
4:35
This movie, it's such a movie of 1994.
4:39
Yeah. Like, let's talk about that.
4:41
It's like 1994.
4:43
It's times are a little bit slower.
4:45
Comedy movies, action movies like they just have a different pace.
4:47
It's like a Greek tragedy.
4:49
It's just you watch it and you hate it,
4:52
but you have to understand its historical relevance.
4:55
Did you guys? That's actually a really good way of putting it.
4:58
Did you guys look at that?
4:59
Fuck you. I've been drinking the director and writer Hugh Wilson.
5:04
Did you see what is one other big hit was blast from the past?
5:08
Brendan Fraser. Oh, the Bumble Boy. Yeah.
5:11
Yeah. I never watched that movie. I should watch it.
5:14
Yeah. I'll give this guy 100% of my support.
5:17
Gardening tests and blast from the past.
5:19
There you go. Full coverage. Yep.
5:21
This movie's fine.
5:23
Yeah. It was definitely the weirdest romantic comedy I've watched this week.
5:28
That you know what?
5:29
The same can be said for both of these films.
5:31
Yeah, that is true. I don't like that.
5:33
Well, we're going to get into that.
5:35
Yeah. So Nick Cage comes in.
5:38
He is, as you said, the Secret Service agent covering test Carlisle.
5:42
Her husband passed away.
5:44
So it's just her.
5:45
She's kind of become a recluse and it's become the dead end position
5:50
for a lot of Secret Service agents like nobody wants this job.
5:53
She's super difficult.
5:55
Everyone else seems to be fine with the job because it's easy.
5:58
And Nick Cage's character, Doug, he wants to be in the action.
6:01
Well, yeah, I mean, like he used to guard her husband, the president.
6:07
And now he feels like he's just getting shelved.
6:10
And she doesn't ever really give him respect,
6:15
you know, up until, you know, the beginning of this movie.
6:18
She's just difficult.
6:20
And it makes it hard for somebody who, like, really wants to
6:25
make a career out of his life.
6:27
They kind of have some backs and forth.
6:30
So they argue he quits a couple of times.
6:33
She manages to unquit him against his will numerous times.
6:38
I can't quit you, Bob.
6:39
Yeah. Through phone conversations with the president.
6:43
And that's yeah, those are like some of the best comedy moments that I read.
6:47
The president, Frederick or Frederick, the the nurse, the dietitian.
6:52
He's the nurse. He's the living nurse.
6:53
Gotcha. The hospice nurse or whatever.
6:55
I liked him. Yeah, he was good, too.
6:57
He was a Vernon from Harry Potter series.
7:00
The oh, yeah, she was uncle. Yeah.
7:03
And the president was voiced by the director of this film, Hugh Wilson,
7:06
Hugh Wilson, which is not Rainn Wilson now.
7:10
Or Luke Wilson. So I'm just going to.
7:12
Or Owen Wilson.
7:15
There we go. We got all the Wilsons.
7:16
Wow. Brian Wilson.
7:18
So for this film, I'm just going to say up front,
7:21
there's not really a way to discuss the plot of this film
7:23
in any roundabout way where we're just not going to spoil it.
7:26
This movie's not got a lot going for it.
7:28
It's a random series of events.
7:29
They hate each other.
7:31
They suddenly don't hate each other anymore because of whiskey, because of whiskey.
7:35
Yeah, they kind of rebuild their relationship and she, you know,
7:39
she actually starts to give a little she compromises.
7:42
She opens up and kind of lets him into her world.
7:46
So the crux of their relationship,
7:49
as it's kind of described in the film is he's leaving.
7:52
It is three years stint.
7:53
She wants him to sign off for three more years.
7:56
She has an operable brain cancer.
7:58
Allegedly. Allegedly.
8:00
It doesn't. It's not really a plot point is my kind of issue with it.
8:04
Like, is this a film about an old lady who feels isolated
8:07
and it has a hard time making friends and wants to have this connection
8:11
with someone she deeply cares for, which doesn't seem to be the case until it is.
8:16
Like, there's no build to them like having camaraderie.
8:20
He quits and then gets yelled at by the president.
8:23
To come back. She doesn't want him back.
8:25
And then suddenly they're drinking buddies.
8:27
Tess Carlisle, the character, is somebody who definitely like
8:32
holds a lot of things to themselves.
8:34
You see her connection to Nick Cage only through old movie,
8:40
like film from like her president or her husband's days as president
8:45
when he was guarding him.
8:46
And really you see the connection at the footage from the funeral
8:51
from the president where Nick Cage is visibly upset about the death of the president.
8:56
And he died from a heart attack.
8:57
It wasn't anything like Nick Cage's fault or anything.
8:59
And she's keeping him around because emotionally he cared about the president
9:04
as much as she did.
9:05
So they have that common bond.
9:09
See, this is why you keep me here for sensitive stuff.
9:11
OK, here's the thing, because I had another read on that,
9:13
because when they finally go and have their.
9:15
Finger on something.
9:16
When they finally go to have their drinks, their whiskey, she just straight up
9:19
asks them, were you aware of my husband's infidelity?
9:22
I'm like, oh, she just mad at him.
9:24
No, no, no.
9:26
I mean, I, I, I see your reading of it.
9:28
And I agree with you, but like I don't feel like the relationship
9:32
necessarily builds, but no, I, I miss that.
9:35
So thank you.
9:36
I mean, I'm, I'm seeing more subtext like this doesn't, it doesn't give you a lot
9:41
to like grab on to for these relationships, even like the brain tumor thing, like
9:47
that comes out in a moment where Nick Cage is pressuring her about something.
9:52
She just comes out with like, I've got an inoperable brain tumor.
9:58
And then she goes on to say two more things and she says, one of these things is true.
10:02
Yeah. Which one is it?
10:03
I bought all of your crew Scud missiles and we're going to go to the opera.
10:07
Yeah. And then they did go to the opera.
10:09
Was that things were true?
10:10
Was that just because that's what Nick Cage thought was the truth or was it
10:14
because she's dying and she's actually trying to get out and enjoy a little bit
10:18
of her life?
10:19
Peter and I kind of discussed this is just like that in and of itself
10:22
is a really interesting movie.
10:23
Person is dying and is trying to make a connection with the one
10:27
constant person in their life.
10:29
That's a cool movie.
10:30
And the one person who they feel had like a good connection with their husband.
10:35
That too, which deepens the connection.
10:38
Yeah.
10:38
The third act kidnapping twist kind of comes out of nowhere and makes his way
10:44
and makes us a very different film all of a sudden.
10:46
Yeah. They started to build it up earlier because Tess is so prone to like
10:52
these acts of rebellion.
10:54
She do a runner.
10:55
Yeah. She just like does things despite her secret service, because
10:59
whether she wants them there or not, I don't know.
11:02
Yeah. But I don't think there's anything that's like
11:05
necessarily out of place in this movie or pushing into like unnecessary.
11:11
I would challenge you to cut 10.
11:14
Yeah. Without like I could cutting anything.
11:16
I can actually give you that.
11:18
I think the presidential visit that gets canceled is about 10 minutes of content
11:22
and it doesn't really serve anything.
11:25
It shows like kind of how neglected she is, like and why she has the attitude
11:32
she does towards Washington because she calls it a dying city.
11:36
She talks about how no good like is where careers go to die.
11:39
Look at her. She's been completely discarded.
11:41
Her husband was the president of the U.S.
11:43
and he's died and now she's just like this puppet piece that they like to put out there.
11:50
The president was going to come and be a part of this dedication of a library
11:55
or a charitable wing or something.
11:57
And it just falls through.
11:59
And at the last minute, who do they get?
12:01
They get like a commerce chairman or secretary of transportation or whatever.
12:05
It's like, I think ultimately I would have.
12:07
Although Pete Buttigieg showed up to my thing, I'd be pretty cool.
12:10
Yeah, that would be cool. Yeah.
12:11
I mean, ultimately for me, I just I would have liked a little tighter
12:14
focused narrative on their relationship because I think those are the main beats
12:19
that they don't really build to each other.
12:21
The threads pretty kind of thin. Yeah.
12:23
And I mean, where I would cut is the visit from her son,
12:26
which is about five minutes of could call her son, like just coming to like
12:31
get her to invest in his shitty property and a property deal.
12:35
And she just says no. And then later during their conversation, she was like,
12:39
I'm not close to my kids.
12:40
And what her son showing up as a one off scene didn't doesn't.
12:45
I mean, it ties to Nick's point about like her loneliness and absolute.
12:49
Yeah, just insolent like the disenfranchisement of the elderly.
12:54
But then they talk about it later.
12:55
I mean, and then they pork. Yeah.
12:58
Again, we're going to talk about that.
13:00
Mastic man. Yeah.
13:01
What do you guys think of Shirley McLean's performance in this?
13:04
She was good. She was annoying as fuck, which I guess is good.
13:08
I mean, that's what she was going for. She irritated me.
13:10
Yeah. I mean, she's I think she's supposed to.
13:12
But as soon as like she warms up, she is quite likable.
13:17
Yeah. She plays a salty old bitty pretty well.
13:20
Yeah. I heard the term bitty forever.
13:22
I saw that like and as soon as they have their one on one, like,
13:25
I mean, that's where the turn is where she becomes really likable and kind of funny.
13:28
Yeah, there's no bill to it.
13:29
She's like, we're drinking buddies now.
13:31
The next day she comes out of her room and she's kind of like,
13:34
oh, everyone must be friends.
13:35
Yeah. Her general demeanor towards the rest of the staff
13:39
is strangely tied to how her relationship with Doug Chesnick goes.
13:46
Yeah. But and that's kind of weird.
13:48
I can understand like her and Frederick getting well her in the house staff.
13:52
It really is Doug Chesnick, Secret Service detail of like seven people
13:56
who you probably see two of at any given time.
13:59
The driver, the.
14:02
Who's part of the kidnappers. Yeah, the driver, the kid
14:05
kitchen staff, the cook, the nurse and her secretary.
14:10
I don't think we ever see her interact with the kitchen staff.
14:15
She comes down in one scene. I mean, it's very, very.
14:17
No, yeah, she just rolls through.
14:19
But like in terms of acting, they don't see we we don't see her interact with anyone.
14:23
But the driver and her yelling at her nurse to like putt.
14:27
But the rest of them are just. Oh, no, that was her secretary.
14:30
Secretary, but you can assume that because of her relationship with her secretary,
14:34
when the secretary comes up to Doug Chesnick later and she's like, hey,
14:39
she gave me a job when nobody else would.
14:43
It's like she is a big, big hearted lady.
14:46
Yeah. You know, she's just tough to get close to.
14:50
And now she's just tougher because like her husband's gone.
14:54
Yeah. No, I get it. I want nuance. Sure.
14:57
I mean, this this movie does lack some of the finer touches.
15:02
It could have been executed a little smoother.
15:04
The relationships are kind of I fill in a lot myself.
15:08
Yeah, there's a line, I think, in the sand between how much like relationship
15:14
talk you can have before a movie moves from being a romantic comedy
15:18
to just like a drama.
15:20
I think what I wanted is a little more.
15:22
It wasn't a romantic comedy. I want it.
15:24
It should have been totally by the way.
15:26
It should have been totally bowed down at the end.
15:29
Did you not see the after credit?
15:31
Sure. The wheelchair after credit. Yeah.
15:32
Oh, boy. Nick Cage is in the wheelchair.
15:36
She's like, put those brakes on.
15:40
You're not going nowhere.
15:41
I was I was wondering where the jokes were. OK, cool.
15:43
Well, that's right.
15:45
Speaking of his performance and geriatric sex.
15:48
Yeah. What do you guys think of him as Chesnick?
15:51
It's fine. Yeah, it's fine.
15:54
It's not a breakout role, obviously.
15:55
It was 94, 10 years after like his start.
15:59
Like every performance in this film is very serviceable.
16:01
If I'm thinking about it, it slots in really well with the like the roles
16:06
he was getting at that time because we're pre 97.
16:10
So he's not an action. He's not like a big A-list star yet.
16:15
Hasn't won his Oscar.
16:16
We're just kind of like a few years past like Birdie
16:20
and some of his art. He sue. Yeah.
16:22
His art stuff.
16:23
Yeah, like with Peggy Sue and probably it could happen to you.
16:28
It could happen to you.
16:28
He's like right in that kind of like romantic lead.
16:31
Right where he's like a little more restrained, but not totally.
16:36
They still want some of his wild card.
16:39
Wackiness. Yeah.
16:40
Wacky. Yeah.
16:42
He really doesn't have a big unhinged aspect on this one.
16:46
No, I mean, he plays exasperated really well.
16:49
Yeah, he's definitely like too old for this shit.
16:52
But as far as like a Nicholas Cage performance,
16:57
I don't think we have anything that like really screams like wild.
17:02
No. Like I don't think it's a personal role for him.
17:05
I agree with that.
17:06
And I think what's telling is that not a lot stood out in terms of quotable content.
17:11
Right. No, this like his portion of the script does not hold a whole lot.
17:16
I struggled to find anything.
17:18
I did find one just to have something ready.
17:21
And it's when Tess is now suddenly happy and a pleasant person to be around.
17:28
And they go grocery shopping because she's going to like have a dinner
17:32
before the president cancels.
17:34
And Doug is there with the store manager and he's communicating back and forth
17:39
with another Secret Service agent who's with Tess.
17:42
And Tess wants to know how much the price of peas are.
17:45
So they have a back and forth.
17:47
And it's what like 59 cents for like two for one.
17:52
And she's like, what if I want one?
17:54
And he just responds back with Bobby.
17:58
It's two for it's a two for one thing.
17:59
So I suggest you just go ahead and get both.
18:02
Yeah. Like that's his one comedy line in this movie.
18:06
Yeah, there really isn't a lot like in the end.
18:09
Like he kind of gets with the doctor when she's leaving the hospital
18:13
and the doctor is like, you have to leave like it's hospital protocol.
18:16
You have to leave in a wheelchair.
18:19
And Nick Cage is just like is showing his personal growth,
18:23
being like, are the rules that sacred?
18:27
And then he turns to Tess and he's just like
18:31
getting the goddamn wheelchair.
18:34
And that's growth on both sides.
18:35
Like he's allowing.
18:37
Yeah, he's compromising on the rules, but he's also like
18:41
making this relationship where they can be this kind of candid together,
18:47
which is kind of like that, you know, the the apex of their story.
18:51
Yeah. Well, I mean, maybe him saving her from being buried alive
18:55
is the apex of their story. Not that important.
18:58
Yeah. Like she would have been all right.
18:59
Give her the cancer story or give her the kidnapping story.
19:01
It didn't mean both. Yeah, that's true.
19:04
I mean, you needed some kind of inciting incident to make her
19:07
want to change.
19:09
And the cancer or tumor
19:13
is kind of like what makes her want to.
19:18
It's what changes her day to day life. Yeah.
19:22
If this movie was only about the kidnapping,
19:24
you could jump 60 minutes into the movie and just watch an episode.
19:29
Well, then just have the relationship after the kidnapping,
19:31
have the kidnapping be the second bit, have the relationship grill after that.
19:36
I'm just saying there's a way to clean this up where it's more focused on
19:38
their relationship, which is ultimately what I think this movie's supposed to be about.
19:42
You write me a 90 page screenplay that I will.
19:47
It'll be for the patrons. Yeah, I will.
19:49
We'll do a we'll do a table read.
19:51
Oh, oh, my God. It'll be you, me, Peter.
19:54
And well, we've got to get Marissa. Oh, yeah.
19:57
And she can go. She could be Tess.
19:59
I was going to say, I had her be Frederick.
20:01
Thank you, Frederick. Yeah.
20:02
This sounds like a fun experiment.
20:04
There's a podcast I like to listen to every once in a while with this guy,
20:08
Kyle. Yeah, let's plug other podcasts on our podcast.
20:11
There's nothing wrong with that.
20:12
It's cross podcasting and it's called Never Seen It.
20:15
And they better thank us for those seven extra views.
20:17
They're going to love this uptick.
20:20
But then they're going to realize they are Rico's listening to them.
20:23
And they're not going to like.
20:24
So they take a lot of you, Rico.
20:26
Random comedians and people come on.
20:27
Don't touch. They will have not seen a movie
20:30
and then will have written a spec script based on what they think the movie's about.
20:35
And then they perform it live on mic.
20:37
And it's usually pretty fucking funny.
20:39
That's good. This is a good concept.
20:41
This is similar, not dissimilar to my idea of a cold open. True.
20:46
Guarding Tess on the good cage, bad cage, good movie, bad movie,
20:50
good, bad, bad, good, bad, bad, good, good, bad, good.
20:54
Where do we put this one?
20:55
I think this is just a flat line, medium performance, no standout.
21:02
I don't know that he was given an inch on this one.
21:06
The movie's fine.
21:07
I mean, it's good enough. I'm glad I watched it.
21:09
Yeah, cinematically, I'm glad I saw it.
21:12
It's very 1994, as you pointed out. Yeah.
21:14
I mean, yeah, didn't really think about it in that respect.
21:16
And when you said like, this is just what comedies were like at the time.
21:20
And what? You know what? You're right.
21:21
They were simpler times.
21:23
Yeah, it is the pre-Ranchi comedy.
21:26
It is weird, though.
21:26
You think about the pacing difference between a movie from the mid 90s
21:31
versus what we get now, like ours are so frenetic.
21:34
Fast pace, two hours. I'm struggling.
21:37
Someone would have fucked that old lady.
21:39
The last comedy I went to was like completely excluding all comic book movies.
21:46
I mean, for me, it would be Barbie.
21:48
Sure. Yeah.
21:49
Yeah, I haven't been out in a couple of weeks.
21:52
So how about we talk about Mastiff Man? Sure.
21:54
So 2000. That's right.
21:56
I can segue motherfucker for 2003.
22:00
Three. OK.
22:01
So the year I graduated high school. Same. Yeah.
22:03
Yeah. You graduate high school.
22:05
2002. Yeah.
22:07
Oh, look at Mr. Smarty Pants.
22:08
Slightly. Look at Mr.
22:10
Look at Mr. Didn't fail the first grade over here.
22:13
Oh, loser. Yeah, I failed communion.
22:17
Communion as a Catholic.
22:20
Did you just not get the wafer?
22:22
Like, did it not go in the mouth?
22:23
No, the nuns were.
22:24
So did you have to were you raised? Oh, yeah.
22:27
OK, you went to like the class that preceded. Absolutely.
22:31
So the nuns were concerned by my behavior because
22:37
when they asked us to draw pictures and stuff,
22:39
this is straight from my mother.
22:42
I was drawing pictures of children doing bad things,
22:45
like a picture of a kid breaking dishes.
22:48
And then I would draw a picture of a kid like pushing somebody over.
22:52
It's like I only like would draw like pictures of disobedience.
22:58
So I was not allowed to pass communion.
23:02
I get that that would be a red flag.
23:04
It seems like a bad reason to not let you get communion.
23:07
Oh, it's a good that to bad people.
23:09
It's a continuing like pattern with me.
23:12
Like I failed hunter safety.
23:14
The whole reason you get communion is so you can have those spots and it's OK.
23:19
I wasn't even allowed to get to the point
23:23
where I could was up for communion.
23:25
Sean's not allowed in church.
23:29
You're not wrong. So my Sunday.
23:32
I was a boner thing, isn't it?
23:34
It 100 percent is.
23:36
I went to Sunday school all of three times.
23:39
And the third time after the third, the after the third mass, after Sunday school,
23:44
my Sunday school teacher asked my parents that I not return
23:48
because at the ripe age of six, I had questions.
23:54
About the feasibility of like the Garden of Eden, how many people came out of it?
23:59
The transubstantiation, transubstantiation.
24:02
Also, I was really into animals at the time,
24:05
so I knew like what continents animals lived on and for them, like to all
24:09
for them to be two by two on one arc didn't make sense to me.
24:12
And it wasn't so much that I had questions, it's that I had follow up questions.
24:17
Yeah, those are the ones that they usually don't plan for.
24:20
Other kids started asking questions because of my questions.
24:24
And rather than, you know, trying to indoctrinate me,
24:27
they were just like, get the fuck out of here.
24:29
So you and I have two entirely different methods of inciting rebellion.
24:35
You're going to try to like inspire the people and I'm just going to start a fire.
24:40
I mean, I'm mostly trying to both are effective subtleties on both ends.
24:44
Yeah, this is what we're friends. Yeah.
24:47
Do you smell smoke? I am really good at burning things.
24:50
We both just want to burn it all down.
24:52
You're trying to burn it all down.
24:53
I'm trying to get other people to burn it down for me. Yeah.
24:58
So were you not a Pangea guy?
25:01
Yeah. One continent, bro. Yeah.
25:04
Yeah. One love.
25:06
Not not when the Bible happened.
25:09
Why not? Because humans aren't that old.
25:12
Listen, dude, you can have a little
25:14
continent shift real quick. I'm it's like surfing.
25:18
I'm from San Francisco.
25:19
I know. Surfing USA.
25:21
You just take that tectonic plate all the way over, baby.
25:25
Ride that wave.
25:26
That's what the Beach Boys were really singing about.
25:28
The breakup of the Pangea continent.
25:31
It happened in 1915.
25:36
Which is why we were able to have a world war shortly after.
25:41
Yeah. New world. This makes sense.
25:44
Otherwise, it would have just been a Pangea war.
25:48
Fuck it. If it's Pangea, it's technically a civil war.
25:50
It's all one. It's all one landmass.
25:52
That's right. New world.
25:53
Just like tomatoes.
25:55
What? They're a new world like crop.
25:58
Yeah. Go back to our episode with Darrell.
26:02
Darrell, where you were talking about watermelons.
26:04
It was watermelons. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
26:06
Well, that is to wait.
26:07
Way to call back your
26:09
own joke. Yeah, it's a good one. You can self reference.
26:11
Nobody else is going to reference my jokes.
26:14
I have to be the one to point out how clever they are.
26:17
I mean, some people still listen to us. Hi, Lance.
26:19
Yeah, we have a new patron, a new cage dancer.
26:22
Thank you, Lance. We'll talk about that later.
26:24
He doesn't get his moment till the end.
26:26
You can get a double dip.
26:27
I had a very like heart to heart.
26:30
Well, not heart to heart, but like face to face conversation with him.
26:33
And we talked about like the show and did you talk?
26:36
Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
26:39
He and I talked about that's part of the cage dancer tier.
26:42
Oh, it's like you get to talk with me.
26:44
Wait, do you have a foreskin?
26:46
I 3D printed one.
26:48
Smart. Yeah. You just slide it on the tip.
26:51
Yeah, because I mean, honestly, I think that's kind of my whole like
26:55
shtick and our friend group.
26:57
Your shtick is your foreskin.
26:59
Dick is I still have my turtleneck.
27:01
That's true.
27:02
I so rarely like to talk about my
27:05
I so rarely make Nick like turn from the microphone to like snicker.
27:11
80% of that was me burping because I don't do that on my.
27:15
Well, fart on Mike, but I will not burp.
27:17
Why can't you let me have this neck?
27:20
Yeah, why is one gas better than the other?
27:23
Ask gas rhymes.
27:25
All right. Everybody knows rhymes.
27:27
Listen, man, I can't argue with that.
27:28
Rhymes rule.
27:29
Ask gas.
27:31
Ask and gas do rhyme.
27:33
I can confirm. All right.
27:35
As two native English speakers.
27:39
Matchstick man, Nick Cage as Roy.
27:43
I couldn't tell because the pizza guy says Walker and he corrects him and says Waller.
27:48
I was just looking at what I wrote down.
27:51
I'm like, that doesn't look like a name.
27:52
And the cage is a con man with extreme OCD
27:57
who reconnects with his long lost daughter, Angela, played by Allison Loman.
28:03
And Sam Rockwell is Nick Cage's protege.
28:06
That's what I was thinking of Frank Mercer.
28:09
So to comment on and about trying to get that one last big score
28:13
that is all mixed up when Nick Cage finds his long lost daughter.
28:18
Directly by Ridley Scott.
28:21
And this is not Ridley Scott's best movie.
28:23
Definitely not monetarily.
28:25
Before we talk about like the rest of that, how about that editing?
28:29
Like all those fades, the wipes and the weird the intro credits.
28:35
Oh, no, like in the movie.
28:37
No, there's like weird wipes that go on like transitioning from scenes.
28:41
There's weird slow motion things that happen.
28:44
It's like did Zack Snyder.
28:46
It's recut. It's crazy, man.
28:47
And like the Hans Zimmer score paired along with that.
28:50
Do you do? Oh, do you do? Do you do? Do you do? Do you do? Do you do?
29:01
Do you do? Do you do? Do you do?
29:05
Baby's first procreate project.
29:08
Yeah. Yeah. Take that Ridley Scott.
29:10
All the names are just bouncing off the side of the screen
29:13
like a fucking 90s Windows screen saver.
29:16
Like a DVD player logo.
29:19
I could not figure out why that was what they went with for that.
29:23
Like it doesn't make any sense other than the fact that it's like
29:26
overlaid on his pool. Is that it?
29:29
No, I don't know. It blows.
29:35
On Mike, really?
29:36
Nick, rude.
29:38
Why would you do that?
29:39
Face gas on Mike.
29:42
Aimful. That doesn't even rhyme.
29:45
No more no more suicides for you, Nick.
29:47
Uh, pardon me. My mouth has been on all of these.
29:51
That's not true.
29:52
It's not. But it will be if you try to take them away from me.
29:57
Don't you dare touch this alcohol, sir.
30:01
So, OK, what do you think of this?
30:03
Well, our comment.
30:04
Ah, I enjoy Nick Cage.
30:08
I enjoy Sam Rockwell.
30:09
What I did not enjoy is the severe.
30:13
And this might be existing as a millennial
30:17
in the year of our Lord 2023
30:21
that I've watched a lot of adult documentaries about exactly this premise.
30:27
Whoa. No, Nicholas Cage.
30:30
That's not a stepdaughter, bro.
30:33
That's like, yeah, that's not his daughter daughter.
30:36
Well, not his daughter, but he thinks she is for the lion sheriff.
30:40
Yeah, but I know she's not not during the parking parts.
30:44
He's definitely being caught.
30:45
I don't like their chemistry in this movie at all.
30:49
Yeah, the fact that you could call it chemistry is probably the biggest issue.
30:52
Right. Yeah, I'm not here to yuck.
30:55
Anyone's young.
30:56
I know you can be here to yuck that young.
30:59
That's that's OK.
31:00
You know, there there are consenting adults who like the like the little scene.
31:06
Yeah, but not with their own kid.
31:08
And I mean, I don't think that's what they're going for,
31:10
but that's definitely the feeling that is the vibe that comes across.
31:14
I was uncomfortable. Oh, man.
31:16
All of it as somebody who doesn't like kids
31:20
for the most part, especially when they get to this age,
31:24
like she's playing 14 years old.
31:26
Oh, man.
31:27
If some 14 year old started like coming around my place
31:31
and being like, you're my dad, I'd be like, we are going to get DNA tests.
31:36
For sure. Like immediately, especially if I'm a con man by trade.
31:41
Like anybody comes up and says like, oh, there's that or nothing.
31:45
I wouldn't trust anybody.
31:46
I'm already very untrusting.
31:48
Yeah. And if you added in financial gain for not trusting people,
31:54
like I would never trust it.
31:56
No, it's it's so I'd wear a condom to record podcasts.
31:59
I wouldn't trust you guys that much.
32:02
Got it. Got a podcast safe.
32:04
I wouldn't trust myself either.
32:06
Do do do do do do do do do.
32:10
I don't know. OK, so I don't know why this made me cut that part.
32:14
Yeah, I don't know why this made me think of that, but you need to cut that part
32:18
but not cut this part. Right.
32:22
So when I was in Connecticut, I was with my brother
32:25
and we were talking about the song Riding Dirty.
32:28
Oh, fuck. Yeah.
32:29
What are riding dirty even mean?
32:31
Because I'm not thinking about you coming in here.
32:33
Go back to my previous statement. Fuck you.
32:37
That statement that has been edited out of this podcast,
32:39
but this part has not been edited.
32:41
But what the fuck is riding dirty? But stuff.
32:44
They see me rolling the hate in.
32:47
Yeah. Patrol and trying to catch me riding dirty.
32:51
What the fuck is that? That's a butt stuff.
32:52
Gay butt stuff. Oh, OK.
32:55
Well, now we're talking, which is what rappers are always like bragging about.
32:58
Yeah, they love talking about gay, but they're worried about being seen about it
33:02
because there's a weird only by haters.
33:05
That's true. They patrol in. Yeah.
33:10
So in. None of this.
33:11
None of this is usable.
33:13
Keep it all start fresh.
33:15
No. Guarding tests.
33:16
Grab the whole fucking episode.
33:19
I'm going back to cage.
33:20
Matt's going around about.
33:21
We need it. Nicholas, Kate.
33:22
I'm going to run back.
33:22
I'm your host. And slam a beer.
33:24
Slam a beer. Come back.
33:25
Yeah. We'll do another suicide. Yeah.
33:29
That's for suicides.
33:30
The maximum number of suicides.
33:33
There's only three of us.
33:34
I checked mathematically.
33:36
OK, so Alison Loman, the like dad, daughter stuff is a little creepy.
33:41
So undeniably, it's weird because we joke a lot about how like
33:46
a 40 year old will play a teenager and that's weird.
33:50
But somehow like she's 23, 23, 14, playing 14.
33:55
But it's like, no, you're an actress playing younger,
33:57
but you actually look like a teenager.
33:59
And there's a lot of like Danny talk.
34:01
And it's just I don't like any of it.
34:03
Yeah, it's weird how she looked young.
34:09
I don't know what she looks like now.
34:10
Probably less young.
34:12
Well, her career is really weird.
34:13
So she did this movie.
34:15
She was in Flicka and then she did Drag Me to Hell.
34:18
And then beyond that, she's done like little bit parts.
34:21
I did like Drag Me to Hell.
34:22
Oh, I did, too.
34:23
I haven't seen that since about 2000.
34:25
Whenever it came. Yeah.
34:27
Like whenever it came out. Yeah.
34:28
Kind of a good movie, though.
34:29
Yeah. So here's my Drag Me to Hell story because I have.
34:35
My buddies all went to go see Drag Me to Hell.
34:39
I wasn't there.
34:40
So this is actually a third party story.
34:43
But they all go, oh, it must have been like 2003
34:48
because you had to be 18 because it was rated R.
34:52
And they all show up at this movie.
34:55
My buddy Steve is only 17.
34:58
Like he hasn't turned 18 yet.
34:59
He's got a nine.
35:01
2009 Drag Me to Hell.
35:03
Jason Long.
35:04
Oh, no. What's the Jack the Ripper movie?
35:06
Oh, from hell.
35:08
Oh, OK. Never mind. Different movie.
35:10
Here's my from hell story.
35:12
So my buddies all go keep all of that.
35:14
Peter, the from hell story for Alison Loman.
35:17
Yeah. That you're talking about.
35:19
Who's not in that? Yeah.
35:20
Fuck her. We're not talking about her anymore.
35:22
No, that is my issue with matchstick men.
35:24
Yeah. So they all go to see this movie and Steve's not old enough.
35:30
So everybody else still decides to go see from hell.
35:34
And Steve's only choice.
35:37
He watches Corky Romano.
35:39
Oh, that poor fuck.
35:41
But his movie is like an hour shorter, so he gets done with it.
35:45
And then he just has to sit outside the theater for an hour.
35:48
Why didn't he just buy a ticket to Corky Romano and go into your theater?
35:52
That would be untruthful, Sean.
35:55
That's a con.
35:56
This is a flim flam.
35:57
This is why you're a fucking Leonardo, dude.
36:01
Hey, man, I'm just talking about Steve.
36:04
He watched Corky.
36:05
He's the only person I've ever met who's seen that movie to any side in theaters.
36:10
Dude, I saw that movie with like the worst case of the flu or pneumonia.
36:15
Just like on syndication on Comedy Central.
36:18
And like I.
36:20
Wait, which one is Corky Romano?
36:22
So it's it's it's like another pet detective movie.
36:25
Yeah, it was Chris.
36:26
Chris Caton. Is it?
36:28
Yeah. And he plays like a dude who's related to the mob,
36:32
but is like a total fucking moron.
36:35
And I don't know, crimes happen around him.
36:38
And he manages to be a hero accidentally because he's fucking stupid.
36:44
I forgot this movie existed.
36:45
Should we just watch the movie and do it?
36:47
You said you watched Corky Romano.
36:49
Yeah, no, that's it. Sam Rockwell.
36:53
What do you guys think?
36:54
He is very much Sam Rockwell in this film.
36:55
He very much is.
36:57
He has one. He has two performances.
36:59
It's this character or it's his character from the original Teenage
37:03
Meat and the Turtle film where he plays a teen who talks to a mutant rat.
37:07
Third role, Moon, that movie fucking rules.
37:10
Moon was a really good movie.
37:12
I've got no beef with Sam Rockwell as an actor,
37:16
like to be completely across the board.
37:18
I forget about him.
37:19
But when I see him, I'm like, oh, it's Sam Rockwell.
37:23
OK, I think that's a good distinction is I have no problem with Sam Rockwell's
37:27
acting, but I do forget about him.
37:29
And Sam Rockwell is in a weird, almost Nick Cagey place
37:32
where you're either going to see in a movie where like, wow, that was really good.
37:35
Or they just wanted Sam Rockwell.
37:38
Yeah, the Hitchhiker's Guide movie.
37:40
He's awful at it.
37:41
He's full Sam Rockwell on that.
37:43
Everyone's awful in that movie.
37:44
Who was he? Choke was kind of the same thing.
37:46
He was a Zafod Bebel Brox.
37:48
Oh, OK. But now that I think about it, I think the Hitchhiker's Guide movie,
37:52
I don't think any of them were in the same space at the same time.
37:55
Well, I think because no one has chemistry in that movie.
37:57
Deschanel, Mostef.
37:58
I mean, these people, these are all like dynamic actors.
38:01
Yeah, they do not act well together.
38:04
Alan Rickman.
38:06
Yeah, are you trying to tell me that Alan Rickman wasn't on set with everybody?
38:10
He was in the suit.
38:12
What about the voice of the doors?
38:14
Oh, they were there.
38:16
Yeah, every time it was you.
38:18
Yeah, it was. You caught me.
38:20
I'm self promoting.
38:22
We have to talk about this movie.
38:23
We can't have another episode where we don't talk about the movie.
38:25
Well, we're like three for three at this point.
38:28
All right. We can have another episode where we don't talk about the movie.
38:30
So long as we talk about one movie, we're pretty good, right?
38:33
Yeah. No, I mean, we make an arbitrary decision and nobody cares.
38:36
It's a mild heist film.
38:38
They are career con men.
38:40
Nicholas Cage doesn't go for long cons. Sam Rockwell has one set up.
38:45
Nicholas Cage, hyper OCD, drops his medicine down the garbage disposal
38:50
and his his shady anxiety drug dealer has skipped town.
38:56
So Sam Rockwell sets him up with a therapist.
38:59
He starts going to therapy, remembers he has like thinks about the kid he never raised.
39:04
Therapist finds the kid, meets the kid.
39:07
He gets conned.
39:09
I mean, the bigger question then is, did you guys pick up on the con?
39:13
Yes, 100 percent.
39:14
As soon as the daughter showed up like, oh, she's playing him.
39:17
Yeah. And the mark, I was just like, all right, he's in on it.
39:22
And the therapist was in on it. Sam Rockwell caught me off guard.
39:26
Ultimately, it made the most sense that he'd be the mastermind.
39:29
But they kind of play him so safe throughout that again, forgetting about some rockwell,
39:36
I kind of forgot he was a player in this film until he was ultimately the villain.
39:40
I think the scene where they show up at Nick Cage's place
39:45
and they do like the final bit of the con where they get him
39:51
was the best, most well orchestrated part of the movie.
39:57
Everything that happened with Nick Cage and the daughter leading up to that felt pretty
40:04
clumsy and honestly fucking uncomfortably cringy.
40:09
Yeah, agreed.
40:10
Well, as also somebody who doesn't have children and intends to have no children.
40:15
I thought the scene at his place was really the best.
40:20
Yeah. I thought that's where everybody sold their elements of the con the best.
40:27
Like you come in, the the mark, they've been sticking this guy
40:32
for like a money laundering scheme and they did a briefcase trade.
40:38
He figured it out, didn't run off, ended up back at Nick Cage's place
40:43
with Sam Rockwell, who's who he's abducted.
40:46
And so Nick comes into this place with his daughter after a very rough con.
40:54
And Sam Rockwell is like beat up.
40:58
He's bloodied.
40:59
Gets an ashtray thrown at his head. Yeah.
41:02
The who played the mark?
41:04
Oh, for sure. Bruce McGill.
41:07
OK, so Bruce McGill's character, he has a gun.
41:11
He's got everybody contained.
41:13
And you just see the the everybody's got like a reason to be anxious.
41:21
And yes, like in most of this movie, there's very low emotional stakes.
41:28
For a movie about like conning people, it seems very lighthearted
41:32
up until this scene where it's obviously gone wrong.
41:35
And I don't everybody plays it so well because Nick Cage is the only one
41:41
who's not a part of it at this point.
41:43
And Sam Rockwell had orchestrated this whole thing.
41:48
They have an imaginary Mark who we know is in on it because of how he references
41:55
things with like tracking down the daughter.
41:58
Well, it was never actually his daughter, so they couldn't have tracked her down
42:02
that way through the mom and everything to find Nick Cage's connection.
42:06
It's just I don't know.
42:08
It was the tightest part of the script, and it's probably what they based
42:13
the entire movie off of. Absolutely.
42:15
Making this spin.
42:17
So there is one thing pre the final con is
42:23
clearly Sam Rockwell was planning this for his characters, planning for longer,
42:27
because in the opening scenes, when a cage like takes his daily pill,
42:31
goes through his like uno dos tre, like his own total.
42:36
Yeah. Or whatever it is. Repetitions.
42:39
It was Italian. He takes and then he does it in Japanese as well.
42:42
But he like he takes it. He always takes a pill in the morning.
42:45
When you finally see the pills, when they're dropping down the sink,
42:48
they look like Benadryl. They are Benadryl.
42:50
Yeah. So it seems like Sam Rockwell's been setting them up for even longer
42:55
with another doctor that got him those pills. Right.
42:58
It leads into that like stress anxiety mode of needing to get this new doctor
43:04
figured out because the other doctor was also under the table.
43:06
Well, yeah, he establishes that like he was getting his prescription illegally
43:10
previously. And this new doctor is like, I'm not going to give you pills
43:14
until you tell me like why you need them, which is drilling the pills.
43:18
Why you need them, which is drilling Nicholas Cage for information about
43:22
former relationships and finds out that he had a child he never raised.
43:26
Yeah. It's a lot of leaps of faith in terms of a con.
43:29
But as a con man, you think you'd ask a question or two.
43:33
But if you look at it from the film of like a like through the lens of like
43:38
a heist film, it's on point. It's a decent.
43:41
They give you all the information leading up to it.
43:44
And then you have to connect the dots at the very end.
43:47
Dick move, though, is there's the confrontation at the house.
43:51
A shot is fired.
43:53
His daughter shoots the the mark, the mark who was holding them hostage.
43:58
And then Nick Cage sends Sam Rockwell off with the daughter, be like,
44:02
take her home, get the fuck out of the country, comes back inside.
44:06
Guy's not there anymore.
44:07
The kids gets cold clocked and then cold clocked, cold cocked.
44:12
No clock. What is it?
44:13
No, it's called cocked, cold cocked.
44:15
It's a leader, coldest clock.
44:17
Is it weirder than like somebody like bashing you with a frozen alarm clock?
44:22
I kind of love that.
44:22
Like a like an AMF radio alarm clock from a seven.
44:26
I just thought of like you know, six.
44:29
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
44:30
Oh, yeah. Getting clock does kind of make sense.
44:33
We're just getting cocked.
44:34
Oh, Josie's called us out on giving up the.
44:39
Ghost goat.
44:40
Yeah, the real term is giving up the goat, but you and I have said
44:44
giving up the ghost on Mike before you for that.
44:47
No, Josie has failed.
44:49
I've gotten sorry, Josie.
44:51
I've gotten so much shit for a lion's share versus lion's share
44:55
because I always heard his line as an assembly line
44:58
where you're doing the entire work of a line of people as opposed to lion's share,
45:03
which makes no sense to me because lions,
45:06
male lions do the least amount of work.
45:08
They fight hyenas, but they don't hunt or feed the pack.
45:12
So what's your problem with that?
45:15
As a male lion myself.
45:18
Yeah. Big pride right here.
45:20
Hardcore alpha in the hose.
45:24
Match.
45:27
It's a good episode. I'm proud of this episode.
45:29
Yeah, sure.
45:30
It's going to be some of us are.
45:34
Yeah. So I think that definitely that I mean, everything about that is the best.
45:38
Yeah, it's the the con itself.
45:40
The construction of the scene is the tightest.
45:43
The script is the tightest.
45:44
Him teaching his daughter how to con is a pretty fun scene.
45:48
Yeah. The lotto.
45:50
But then they give it up.
45:51
They give up the ghost at that moment.
45:56
I'm sorry, but I think.
45:57
Rude.
45:58
Ghost of the ghost.
46:01
But I believe you mean giving up the goat.
46:04
Yeah. Oh, give it up the goat.
46:06
See when Nick.
46:09
Don't shake your head.
46:11
You nod in approval, sir.
46:12
That's early Internet.
46:13
That is that's the earliest Internet.
46:16
That bathtub girl.
46:18
Oh, yeah.
46:19
Top girl.
46:20
Top girl and lemon party.
46:23
Yeah, baby.
46:23
I imply that Nicholas Cage and his daughter fuck in the film
46:27
and giving up the goats is the one that makes you not be pleased with me.
46:31
Yep. All right.
46:34
Line in the sand.
46:35
The best parts of the movie are that it's the last 30 minutes of it.
46:41
Yeah. Even like exiting that and going into his interviews
46:45
with the police and everything like that. Great.
46:48
Also part of the con.
46:49
Yeah. And well executed.
46:51
Yeah. Yep.
46:52
When he like when he leaves the hospital room.
46:55
So he wakes up after being cold cocked.
47:00
That's how we got on this.
47:01
It's going to be great is that I'm going to take out the original part
47:04
where we talk about cold clocking and it's just going to sound like
47:07
you are really weird thing.
47:08
Really cold.
47:11
Cocked.
47:12
But the emphasis on the wrong syllable.
47:15
Anyway, he got cocked.
47:17
You got cocked.
47:17
So but he wakes up and it was cold.
47:20
He wakes up in a hospital bed and the cops are there.
47:23
McGill's dead.
47:24
And they're like, you can go away for a long time.
47:26
You got a quote dead.
47:27
Calls this therapist.
47:28
All this stuff.
47:29
And then he like wakes up in the middle of the night and he's like, hey,
47:32
turn on the AC and he like gets out of bed to go find the cops.
47:35
Well, he I bet he's been handcuffed this whole time.
47:38
And as soon as he got up, I'm like, yeah, they're there.
47:41
There's the twist.
47:42
Yeah. And obviously, like that's for us.
47:45
That's like he would have been so out of it.
47:47
He probably wouldn't have put it together.
47:51
Yeah, because he was very groggy and kind of like fucked up
47:55
in the previous interrogation scene.
47:58
So he gets up without any handcuffs and like goes and ends up
48:02
just on the roof of a building.
48:03
And it's like, yeah, there's a there's your clothes with a little note set on top.
48:09
He has a safety deposit box where he keeps all of his cash.
48:12
We see how the con goes through.
48:13
It's a it's a good heist.
48:15
We're overdubbed with Sam Rockwell's like, I got you letter.
48:19
You know, I hope you appreciate the gift where you just leave some like
48:23
100 bucks. Yeah, two, 300 bucks.
48:25
But no, it's it's a sack.
48:26
So it's probably like 50.
48:27
It was in a thick stack.
48:29
So maybe twenty thousand dollars, like enough to not like die.
48:32
Twenty thousand dollars, a thousand bucks, twenty thousand dollars
48:35
in hundred dollar bills.
48:37
A thousand is only that thick.
48:39
It was pretty thick.
48:40
It was not that it was not that it was thin enough that it rested against the side
48:44
and then like delicately.
48:46
It definitely was more than 10 bills.
48:47
I bet he got 300 bucks.
48:50
That would have been three bills.
48:51
Yeah, it's more than three bills.
48:53
We're going to do this still frame one by one.
48:55
Either way, I own the Blu Ray, so I'm going to blow this up.
48:58
Yeah, I'm going to show you every.
49:00
Not the fucking point. He's broke.
49:03
Also, as as an adult living in this year,
49:07
20 thousand dollars wouldn't get me that far.
49:09
But in night.
49:11
Oh, you got to talk about inflation.
49:13
Josh, calculate this for us.
49:14
Yeah. Get our inflation calculator.
49:16
But that's what so how do you realize actually work?
49:21
They're just you pay to do work.
49:23
Yeah, you come on this show.
49:25
So what's more upsetting to me out of that heist is so he goes straight.
49:29
He goes to work for the carp, a carpet store where he runs into Angela,
49:34
where she like her boyfriend is coming to like they just moving together.
49:38
You want to buy carpet for the new apartment?
49:40
And they run into each other and they have an awkward
49:43
you fleece in the sky.
49:44
And she's like, no, that was like my only heist was you.
49:48
And he's like, well, you were good.
49:49
And it ends with a so are you mad at me?
49:53
Bye, Dad. Bye, Dad.
49:54
And I fucking hate the hair cans.
49:57
But I love the carpet.
49:59
He sold them. Oh, it's leopard print carpet.
50:03
Yeah. For their apartment, their single bedroom studio apartment.
50:07
He wrecked their asses.
50:08
Yeah, that's it. That was his revenge.
50:10
Also, who swaps out like a rental? Yeah.
50:16
I'm going to do as much damage to my place as I possibly can
50:19
because I found where my landlord stores the spare carpet.
50:23
And I'm going to just patch in all the things I've got.
50:27
So the only thing that I have of note for the end of this movie
50:30
is that the boyfriend is Francis Kranz or something like that.
50:34
I can't remember his exact name.
50:36
And in the first movie guarding tests, it's Harry Lennox,
50:41
Henry Lennox, Harry, Harry, Henry, Harkin, Hank, one of the bodyguards.
50:46
Yeah, one of the bodyguards in guarding the black character.
50:48
Yeah, he's super skinny because he was young then.
50:51
But he and Francis are in dollhouse.
50:55
I don't know if you ever watch that. Oh, yeah. I love dollhouse.
50:57
It was good. It had one season. Yeah.
51:00
It was kind of fun. It was pretty fun.
51:02
Maybe it had two. No, it had one watchable season.
51:04
One watchable season is correct.
51:08
Quotes. So Nick Cage shows up at this pharmacy
51:11
and he's been out of his meds that the faux doctor has been giving him.
51:15
And the guy who he yells at, said, I want to say his line was like,
51:18
Hey, dude, you ever heard of a line?
51:21
Yeah. So he's cutting in line and he's just being like very awful.
51:26
And he just turns to this guy.
51:28
He's like, Hey, have you ever been dragged in the sidewalk
51:31
and beaten until you pissed blood?
51:35
It's just good.
51:38
And he does apologize like two seconds later.
51:41
He's like, sorry, I yelled at you.
51:43
Yeah, sorry. I said, pissed. What?
51:45
So my first quote for this film is so Nick Cage, part of his OCDC doesn't swear.
51:52
He only actually swears one time in this movie and then like immediately regrets it.
51:56
It's true. He says Pygmies.
51:57
So yeah, that's that was my first.
51:59
Sorry. My first quote, my longer quote, which let me say I can do this one
52:03
in one go is the first time he visits his faux therapist
52:08
and his therapist is like trying to like get him to like open up.
52:11
It's like, look, Doc, I spent last Tuesday watching fibers on my carpet.
52:16
And the whole time I was watching my carpet, I was worrying that I might vomit.
52:19
And the whole time I was thinking, I'm a grown man.
52:22
I should know what's going on in my head.
52:23
And the more I thought about it, the more I realized
52:26
I should just blow my brains out and end it all.
52:29
But then I thought when well, if I thought more about blowing my brains out,
52:34
I start worrying about what that was going to do to my goddamn carpet.
52:38
OK, so that was a good day, Doc.
52:43
And and I just want you to give me some pills and let me get all my life.
52:50
That's a good one, too.
52:51
Good, bad, bad, good, bad, bad, bad, good, good, bad, bad.
52:53
But I felt like this existed about on the same level.
53:00
Like energy wise, he played the script
53:03
and I think that was his involvement in this one.
53:07
I didn't get anything like effort wise out of it from him.
53:13
I don't know. I kind of disagree in terms of like some of the
53:17
the Tourette's work that he was doing with the ticks.
53:20
I think he did a good job. I think that was a good performance.
53:23
I think that he wasn't insensitive, which is really easy to do with Tourette's.
53:29
That's true. Yeah.
53:30
He they didn't play it insensitively or like they played it pretty clean and honest.
53:35
And that's hard to come across naturally.
53:38
I would say I think he was given more to do in this film than Gardening Tess.
53:43
I don't necessarily think that he gave more personally of the performance
53:49
between the two. I think he was fine.
53:52
He was entertaining.
53:53
Again, this might just be the world we live in in terms of the Internet and planography.
53:59
I do not like a whatography, panography, panography.
54:03
I don't calligraphy.
54:04
Yes, I don't. This is what gets me going.
54:06
Panography. Look at that fucking pen stroke.
54:09
I don't I don't like his performance with Alison Lomond.
54:13
With Alison Lomond in this film.
54:14
It's it's just it's so uncomfortable.
54:17
It is very uncomfortable.
54:18
Like, obviously, he's a character who, like, wants so bad to,
54:23
like, retake this moment in his past because he had this terrible
54:27
like this relationship that he fucked up and he acknowledges.
54:30
And at the crux of that, there was the question of a child
54:36
and he could like retake that that portion of his life.
54:42
He could like make amends for the shitty person he was if he,
54:48
I don't know, was a good dad now.
54:50
So he like puts all of his effort into that and that blinds him to being scammed,
54:57
even though, like, obviously, there's the check off line of
55:01
make sure you're not getting conned by the person you're conning.
55:06
First lesson that he gives her as she cons him.
55:10
Yeah, I never liked the whole daddy daughter interaction.
55:15
Yeah. I mean, none of it played genuine to me.
55:18
No. As someone who is neither a dad or a daughter.
55:21
But it's not as this on the Internet today.
55:23
Yeah. And sees all sorts of dad daughter interactions.
55:26
Yeah. I think we're good on this.
55:29
We watched we watched adult documentaries.
55:31
I know you are documentarians.
55:34
I watched one today for posterity.
55:36
Good. What movie moves forward for me in terms of both these films?
55:41
I think they're both flawed.
55:44
I think one's a better film, but I think one makes me less uncomfortable.
55:48
Here's my opinion.
55:49
I thought that I thought Magic Men was going to like go down.
55:54
I thought it was like a hard no. After my first watch,
55:58
it holds up well enough after a second watch.
56:01
Like I thought the conceit was going to like make it unwatchable,
56:05
but I was still able to sit through it.
56:08
It kind of made more fun to watch for watch for those.
56:12
Yeah. I mean, they give it up so early that you kind of see it all
56:16
as it progresses anyways, but it doesn't it doesn't hurt to rewatch.
56:20
And it's still kind of clever enough to keep you going.
56:27
I think the performances are better.
56:29
But my problem with it is it's just so sloppily executed.
56:33
The movie itself is just kind of hamfisted.
56:37
And while guarding tasks like isn't as interesting to me,
56:43
start to finish.
56:44
It feels like a tighter movie all the way across the board.
56:49
I just feel better about the movie as a whole
56:54
and Nicholas's performance in the movie.
56:58
Yeah, we were dancing around Nick.
57:00
What do you what would you like to go forward?
57:02
I think it's still guarding tests for me.
57:05
Same for me. So I think this. Yeah.
57:09
Congratulations, Tess.
57:12
This week in cage, we're getting closer to long legs.
57:17
That's coming up soon.
57:19
Retirement plan at some point.
57:21
But also a eight twenty four releases coming up.
57:25
Oh, dream scenario where there's like a town of people
57:28
that are all having dreams about Nicholas Cage's bald ass head.
57:32
Oh, that's right. Yeah. And he looks so good.
57:35
Absolutely. As like lumpy grandpa or lumpy uncle.
57:39
He's really hitting like a new pocket.
57:41
Lumpal. Yeah. Lumpal cage. Lumpal cage.
57:45
Beautiful.
57:46
Beautiful. Thank you all for listening.
57:49
Please rate, review, subscribe.
57:51
If you are interested in helping us out on Patreon, we are at Cage Match.
57:56
Special thanks to our Sparkle buddies Josh, Sean, Josie, Rico, Matt and Adam
58:01
and to our cage dancers, Ira, John and Freeman and newest cage dancer Lance.
58:06
Here's a golf clap for Lance.
58:09
Yay.
58:11
And here's something that suspiciously sounds like a golf clap, but isn't.
58:15
You guys are disgusting.
58:22
So coming up next episode, we've got a special guest, Josh.
58:27
And we're finally doing finally doing the bad lieutenant colon part of call
58:32
hyphen New Orleans against eight millimeter, which is not a sequel.
58:37
Stop thinking it's a sequel.
58:39
It has nothing to do with any other bad lieutenant movies.
58:43
It is its own thing.
58:44
They live in their own universes, people.
58:46
There can be more than one bad lieutenant.
58:48
Yeah. So many lieutenants in the world.
58:50
Most of them bad.
58:53
It's a cop thing.
58:55
Bye bye.
59:07
Listen, this is just bro's bro around.
59:09
We all went to college. Winnie the Pooh and Donald Duckin.
59:11
Yeah. Yeah.
59:12
Whichever shirted non-pants animal you like to associate with.
59:15
I feel like there was a lot of Hannah Barbera stuff.
59:17
Or was that just that they all had neckties?
59:19
They all had collars.
59:20
Oh, yeah, they were all collars attached to the top to the bottoms.
59:22
God, they're either. Why?
59:26
Did you watch the old He-Man series?
59:29
Yeah. Forever ago, of course.
59:30
But yeah, did you?
59:32
I love all the times they just cut in like
59:35
stock footage of He-Man running because it's always the same run.
59:39
And it's just like he's doing it, people.
59:44
Yeah, that's the run.
59:45
We need to get us on camera for our patrons.
59:49
I really am just going to put
59:52
I'm just going to put Nick's head on He-Man's body.
59:55
It's the exact same thing.
59:57
It is basically the same body. Yeah.
1:00:00
They tried to get me for the original Masters of the Universe movie,
1:00:03
but I was already booked, so they settled for Dolph Lundgren.
1:00:07
You also too.
1:00:11
This is mostly Peter.
1:00:12
This is this is mostly me just recording shit to like
1:00:16
fuck with him when he produces this.
1:00:18
Peter's a great producer.
1:00:19
I know some of you are like, why isn't Peter a host?
1:00:22
It's because he does more work than us and he wants credit for that.
1:00:27
And we want to give him credit for that.
1:00:28
He's the main reason we have the podcast. So thank you, Peter.
1:00:31
So be nice to me.
1:00:33
Fuck you. You weren't supposed to hear that now.