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EP 23: Why So Many Moms Are Losing Confidence · Healthy Boundaries for Moms| Christian Life Coach

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  Do you ever feel like motherhood has made you second guess yourself more than you ever
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  have before?
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  Like you can remember a time you felt way more secure and more grounded and more confident
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  in who you were, but now you're overthinking everything.
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  You're comparing yourself constantly.
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  You're wondering if you're doing enough.
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  You always feel behind and you feel pressure to do motherhood like everyone else and slowly
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  without even realizing comparison is starting to steal and eat away at your confidence because
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  really confidence was never supposed to come from becoming like somebody else.
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  It comes from the understanding of who you are already in Christ.
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  So moms, you are not alone.
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  This episode is going to really help unpack what it is we can do to get our confidence
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  back.
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  If you're tired of people pleasing, caring too much and wondering why peace still feels
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  so hard to hold on to, you're in the right place.
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  Hi, I'm Lori, mom, former people pleaser and your boundaries coach.
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  Here we talk about how to protect your peace, set healthier boundaries and get clear on
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  what actually matters so that you can build a life that feels lighter, calmer and more
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  satisfying.
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  So let's stop the chaos for a minute, moms catch my breath and get into this next episode.
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  Welcome back to healthy boundaries for moms.
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  Today we are talking about why so many moms are losing confidence and how comparison,
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  people pleasing, social media is constantly getting us to look sideways at everyone else.
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  And it's quietly pulling us away from our peace and our purpose and identity because
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  culture, it's constantly telling us, right?
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  It's talking to us.
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  It says things like, be more like her and parent just like her.
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  Why can't you organize like her, achieve like her?
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  Why don't you look like her and look at her gorgeous, balanced life, right?
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  But God never designed the body of Christ to all function the same way.
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  And honestly, a healthy body doesn't compete with itself, does it?
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  So we're going to first talk about how comparison is stealing and eating away at our confidence
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  because comparison trains our brain to focus on what's missing instead of what is meaningful
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  to us.
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  And social media, well, it takes like a magnifying glass to all of this consistently and constantly,
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  right?
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  We were never meant to mentally process hundreds of other mothers' lives.
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  We're seeing them every day, right?
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  On Facebook, on Pinterest, on Instagram, we're seeing that inside of their homes, we see
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  their beautiful schedules, in their amazing bodies, how great they are at their parenting,
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  or maybe their businesses, maybe the way they clean their home, or their amazing meal prep.
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  Can we just talk about the meal prep?
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  It's exhausting sometimes to watch.
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  How about their homeschool routines, or friendships, or their amazing, beautiful postcard vacations?
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  Okay, and research continues to show how damaging constantly comparing can be.
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  And studies have linked social comparison with lower self-esteem, increased anxiety,
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  depressive symptoms, lower life satisfaction, distraction, and mental overload.
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  That sounds horrible, right?
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  One survey found 50% of people reported lower self-esteem from comparing themselves online.
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  42% reported anxiety, and 34% reported feeling like a failure.
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  So are we surprised, moms, that our confidence is getting attacked?
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  So moms don't really need a study to know this is happening.
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  We kind of know this, right, because we can feel it.
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  We can get off social media, and all of a sudden, you look around, and your house feels
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  inadequate.
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  Like it's not good enough.
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  It was a second ago, but right now, after seeing Susie's house, not so good.
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  How about your parenting is starting to feel inadequate?
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  You saw someone else on how amazing they're doing with their kids, and now your schedule
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  starts to feel inadequate.
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  It's not full enough.
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  You don't have your kids and enough things.
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  Your body starts to feel inadequate.
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  Like how come she's more toned than me, or how come she's smaller than me?
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  And your life just feels a little bit behind because comparison takes focus off of your
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  life, and it puts it on someone else's.
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  And it begins to take away and steal from your confidence because you cannot fully run
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  your race while you're looking over and studying someone else's lane, right?
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  And scripture speaks directly to this.
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  In 2 Corinthians 10 12, Paul says, when they measure themselves by themselves and compare
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  themselves with themselves, they are not wise because comparison clouds out wisdom because
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  it's really disconnecting us from actual truth.
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  So here's the second part.
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  When we step out of our own lane, and trust me, I have done this many times.
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  I remember just being around some moms.
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  These are when my kids were real little, and they were really into healthy living.
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  Like when I say healthy living, I mean like next level healthy living.
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  Everything was organic.
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  They went to the farmer's market.
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  They would buy a cow and have it, you know, cut up at the meat market, and they made their
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  own household cleaners.
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  They made their own laundry detergent people, and I wanted to be just like them.
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  And I did.
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  For a time, I bought into all that.
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  I made my own laundry detergent.
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  I made my own cleaners.
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  And where it went south was when I made my own toothpaste.
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  And my husband, still to this day, gives me a hard time about it because I made the toothpaste
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  with coconut oil.
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  And so it left a film on his mouth, like the opposite of what it should have done.
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  But the point is, is like there's nothing wrong with the moms who love that kind of
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  lifestyle.
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  And that probably fit their priorities and their strengths, their personalities, and
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  things like that.
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  Me trying to force myself into their lane instead of staying focused on my own strengths
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  and priorities, guys, it just created stress and pressure that I didn't need in greasy
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  toothpaste, right?
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  And I think we do this like all the time as moms.
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  We see someone thriving over there in an area, and so then we say, oh, I should be doing
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  that too.
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  But comparison is pulling us away from the actual life that God has designed for us.
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  So it's distracting us.
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  So in the third part, God designed people differently on purpose.
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  So I think one of the clearest pictures where this plays out in the Bible is the body of
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  Christ.
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  So in first Corinthians 12, scripture talks about how the body has many parts with different
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  functions.
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  Like the eye isn't the ear, the hand obviously is not the foot.
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  And scripture is literally asking, if the whole body were an eye, where would, where
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  would we hear?
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  Right?
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  Where would the hearing be?
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  God intentionally designed diversity of our giftings.
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  It's on purpose.
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  He wanted us all to have different personalities, different strengths, different capacities
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  and ways that we mother.
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  Different children.
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  Our children are different, right?
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  And there's different seasons that we are in in our life.
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  And honestly, we can understand this with our children, right?
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  We would never look over at, you know, our daughter, our son and be like, why can't you
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  be more like your sibling?
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  Because we understand they're different.
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  They're completely different with different gifts and different struggles and different
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  wiring and personalities.
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  But we do this.
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  We turn around and speak to ourselves like that way constantly.
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  We constantly say to ourselves, why can't you be more organized or patient like her?
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  Why can't you be more outgoing and disciplined?
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  Why are you not more creative or productive?
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  And eventually comparison creates a type of self-rejection and it doesn't inspire or
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  motivate us to steward what God has already given us.
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  So in the fourth part, I want to talk about how comparison creates strife and dissatisfaction.
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  Because in truth, comparison is the enemy, right, of contentment and satisfaction.
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  The enemy loves for us to look outside of our lives and compare because it creates this
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  internal chaos and disorder.
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  So in James 3.16, it says, for where jealousy and selfish ambition exists, there will be
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  disorder.
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  So the Bible's already warning us about this.
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  And honestly, we know, we see it.
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  Disorder shows up in our mind.
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  It shows up in our emotions.
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  Because comparison is creating chaos, like insecurity, it's, it's causing us to strive
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  and it's causing us to have resentment towards those people that are different and doing
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  things we perceive better than us.
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  It creates this pressure that didn't exist.
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  We're distracted.
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  We're dissatisfied.
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  Now we have anxiety and we are overthinking everything, right?
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  And you cannot cultivate gratitude while you're obsessing over someone else's life.
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  And sometimes comparison even keeps us from growing in the areas that God had in mind.
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  Like He's gifted us in a certain kind of way.
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  And we're so busy looking over at someone else's strengths and covening what they have
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  that we're not even growing what's important in our own lives.
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  And the self-rejection, it's not producing any peace, right?
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  Because some moms, they're naturally structured.
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  It comes easy to them.
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  And some are extroverted.
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  They're very relational.
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  And that comes natural.
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  Some are creative.
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  And some are just, again, naturally calm under pressure.
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  Some are creative to be very nurturing mothers.
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  But different doesn't mean deficient because the goal was never for all of us to be the
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  same.
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  The goal was faithfulness, that we were faithful to the ways that God has gifted us.
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  So let's talk about where confidence comes from.
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  It comes from our identity in Christ.
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  So here's the truth comparison that makes us forget.
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  Your value was already settled when Jesus Christ was on the cross because that gave
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  you worth, inherent worth.
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  And it also meant that you already belong and you are already loved and cherished because
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  God could not love you more than He loves you right now.
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  In Psalm 139, it says, we are fearfully and wonderfully made.
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  And Ephesians 2 10 says, we are God's workmanship.
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  So we were designed intentionally.
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  And confidence doesn't come from doing better than everyone else around you.
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  Confidence is coming from trusting that God created you on purpose, with purpose.
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  You do not have to become someone else.
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  You do not have to be more and better than what you already are because God created you
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  to be exactly who you are.
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  It wasn't an accident.
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  So please hear that.
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  So how do we come up with some simple ways to start rebuilding this confidence?
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  So these are some strategies.
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  Our first strategy is reduce comparison exposure.
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  So that means we are going to unfollow accounts that constantly trigger our insecurity because
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  you can't protect your contentment when you're constantly consuming comparison.
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  Okay, here's a number two strategy.
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  Clarify your priorities.
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  So I want you to ask, what has God actually asked me to steward in this season?
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  Because clarity will also help you reduce comparison.
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  So here's a third strategy.
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  Invest in your strengths.
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  Stop demanding yourself to have mastery in every area.
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  That is what is causing you to lose your confidence.
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  We need to steward the gifts that God actually gave you.
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  You, not other people.
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  Okay.
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  All right, here's our fourth strategy.
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  Practice gratitude intentionally because gratitude brings you back into your real life instead
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  of constantly chasing and looking at other people's lives.
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  And it helps you to feel that contentment that you're looking for.
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  And number five, protect your mental focus.
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  Boundaries will help you protect what God actually asked you to carry.
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  Okay.
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  Number six, replace comparison thoughts with truth.
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  So instead of you thinking something like, why can't I just be like her?
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  Or why can't I be a better mom like her?
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  Okay.
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  So that's the fourth strategy.
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  And if you don't want to be like her, you should try.
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  God intentionally designed us differently, and that is okay.
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  So in closing, friends, comparison is stealing confidence from so many moms today.
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  And the enemy doesn't always need to destroy your calling.
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  You don't need to become somebody else to have value, and you don't need to perform
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  to get your worth.
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  And lastly, you do not need to mother exactly like another woman to be faithful.
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  Because the truth is the body of Christ was never designed to be the same.
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  So moms, let's stay in our lane.
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  Let's protect our peace.
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  Let's steward our gifts and faithfully walk out this life that God has uniquely designed
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  for us.
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  Hey friend, I hope you enjoyed today's episode.
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  for Moms?
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  That's where we go deeper, share what's actually working, and support each other in
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  real life.
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  I will also share some great tools and tips to help you along this journey.
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  More importantly, it helps more women find this podcast.
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  Now go say no to something that's stealing your peace and say yes to something you actually
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  need.
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  And I'll meet you back here in the next episode.