Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 132. The Breakup I Didn’t See Coming: “Was She Jealous of Me?”

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132. The Breakup I Didn’t See Coming: “Was She Jealous of Me?” · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

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  Speaker 1: Appoche production.
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  Speaker 2: A easier advice.
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  Speaker 1: Are you okay? What happened?
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  Speaker 2: Promise it won't be too much.
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  Speaker 1: Bring it in.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome to our Bestie segment. This is the place for you.
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  Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to another bestie segment. This is
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  Speaker 1: where we get anonymous submissions written in about all things
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  Speaker 1: that you might be struggling with. We put this in
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  Speaker 1: place because we have such a beautiful friendship and dynamic
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  Speaker 1: and we believe in the power of collaboration supporting each other.
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  Speaker 1: And you might be listening and you might not have
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  Speaker 1: that circle of friends. You might have that bestie or
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  Speaker 1: that close person that you can go to for advice.
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  Speaker 1: We're obviously not emotionally attached to your situation either, which
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  Speaker 1: can be kind of handy. Someis, people in your intimate,
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  Speaker 1: immediate close circle can be emotionally attached and then can
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  Speaker 1: be a bit charged or a bit biased. So this
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  Speaker 1: is our advice that we give to all of our
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  Speaker 1: girls writing in what have we got for today? Okay,
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  Speaker 1: the breakup didn't see coming? Was she jealous of me?
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  Speaker 1: Is the title? Let's get into it best the advice please.
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  Speaker 1: I have had a friend who had been in my
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  Speaker 1: life for years through the good and through the bad.
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  Speaker 1: We've been there for each other. We would spend hours
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  Speaker 1: together talking crap over numerous cups of coffee, sometimes laughing,
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  Speaker 1: sometimes tears the whole range. All of a sudden, she
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  Speaker 1: stops replying and she said she needs space. I see
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  Speaker 1: her on social media but not replying to me. We
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  Speaker 1: were close as sisters could be. It came at a
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  Speaker 1: time when I got a new, better job and I
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  Speaker 1: have an outside a friend who knows her, and she
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  Speaker 1: thinks that she's jealous of me. I'm also happily married,
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  Speaker 1: two beautiful children, and a good job in my chosen career.
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  Speaker 1: She doesn't have any of those things without sounding full
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  Speaker 1: of myself. Maybe she really is just jealous and handling
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  Speaker 1: it by ghosting me. I've gone through our past messages
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  Speaker 1: to try and see any red flags, and there's nothing
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  Speaker 1: unusual there. I asked her for an adult conversation and
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  Speaker 1: got a really generic reply. This is over a month ago.
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  Speaker 1: I've reached out again since, but have been left unread.
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  Speaker 1: Do I keep holding out for closure, keep pouring effort
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  Speaker 1: into her hoping she opens up to me. Or do
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  Speaker 1: I just accept it's done and block, delete and move on.
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  Speaker 1: I don't want her on my socials and future. If
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  Speaker 1: she doesn't have the decency to show up for me
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  Speaker 1: in an adult friendship, I feel so deflated and confused.
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  Speaker 1: Thanks girls, Oh that's so tough.
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  Speaker 2: That's so tough.
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  Speaker 3: Thank you for bringing this in here. Yeah, I do
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  Speaker 3: think there's not enough context to assume that she's jealous
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  Speaker 3: unless you feel it, Like, unless you can genuinely say
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  Speaker 3: that you have felt that she's been weird or you've
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  Speaker 3: felt ikey energy from you, or she's not celebrated you
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  Speaker 3: correctly or not not correctly, but like where she genuinely
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  Speaker 3: meant it and genuinely felt happy for you in the
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  Speaker 3: things that you have, it could absolutely be true. But
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  Speaker 3: I think with things like this in terms of like
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  Speaker 3: whether you're going to hold on or not, Like if
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  Speaker 3: she's left you unread, that's kind of showing where the
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  Speaker 3: friendship is at. I think without communication, it's hard to assume.
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  Speaker 3: So unless you want to open up that conversation with
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  Speaker 3: her and like say, hey, like this is how I'm
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  Speaker 3: feeling and what's going on, Like is this something we're
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  Speaker 3: going to continue pursuing together or is this where we
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  Speaker 3: just kind of leave it and we go our separate
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  Speaker 3: ways without communication.
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  Speaker 2: It's hard to assume.
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  Speaker 3: But the way that I believe, at least you kind
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  Speaker 3: of get to that point is go, Okay, do I
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  Speaker 3: love and respect this person enough that I'm willing to
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  Speaker 3: have a conversation with her? Like was our friendship deep enough?
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  Speaker 3: And did we spend enough time together that this is
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  Speaker 3: actually worth a phone call?
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  Speaker 1: Hey?
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  Speaker 2: Can we FaceTime? Can we chat?
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  Speaker 1: Like?
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  Speaker 3: Can we talk about this? What's going on between us?
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  Speaker 3: Or is it one of those friends where it's more
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  Speaker 3: of an acquaintance and you're like, you don't really know
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  Speaker 3: each other that well and you're not really that's.
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  Speaker 2: Supportive of each other.
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  Speaker 3: Maybe you've said hello to each other a couple of
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  Speaker 3: times on social media and that's kind of been the
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  Speaker 3: end of it. But you did say that you guys
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  Speaker 3: were like super so close in the beginning, So like,
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  Speaker 3: if I just put myself in your shoes, if this
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  Speaker 3: was ashually, I'd be calling her. I'd be like, yo,
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  Speaker 3: I'll be rocking up in her house.
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  Speaker 1: What if I can pick up though, whoever this is,
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  Speaker 1: I've been in this exact situation, and I am quite
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  Speaker 1: an anxious attachment when it comes to friendships and I
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  Speaker 1: have a wound of being abandoned and rejected, and I
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  Speaker 1: like to have closure over things. But I've had a
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  Speaker 1: friend that hasn't given me any closure, that won't pick
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  Speaker 1: up the phone, that won't face, that won't reply, and
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  Speaker 1: I've just been left so totally here where she's at,
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  Speaker 1: because it's like, I want to keep this friendship. I
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  Speaker 1: don't know what's happened. I'm left over here being like,
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  Speaker 1: what the hell. I got to a point where I
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  Speaker 1: was like, I actually have to unplug because there is
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  Speaker 1: nothing else I can do. If you have tried everything,
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  Speaker 1: and I feel you because my heart hurts for you,
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  Speaker 1: because I know what this feels like. You have to
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  Speaker 1: unplug because there's nothing else you can do, and you
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  Speaker 1: keep trying to repair it with nothing in return. You
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  Speaker 1: keep just breaking your own heart. It sounds like it's done.
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  Speaker 1: She did request for space. Almost think you need to
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  Speaker 1: accept that she wants space. And also I got to
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  Speaker 1: a point too, I think within Tiana and my friendship,
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  Speaker 1: the way Tiana communicates with me and creates a safe
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  Speaker 1: place that we can bring anything in, it raised my
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  Speaker 1: standard of what I wanted a friendship, so it made
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  Speaker 1: it easier for me to unplug from this other friendship
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  Speaker 1: because I was like, oh, if she can't even meet
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  Speaker 1: me to have, like you've said, an adult conversation, you
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  Speaker 1: can't pick up the phone, you won't reply to me.
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  Speaker 1: It's just not what I wanted my friendships. That's okay,
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  Speaker 1: you're on your journey and I don't have any hate
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  Speaker 1: for any past friendships, but I have a new standard
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  Speaker 1: of how I want my relationships to be, and it's
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  Speaker 1: this or it's nothing. Yeah, because I've got evidence of
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  Speaker 1: how beautiful it can be. Even if it's uncomfortable, I
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  Speaker 1: still feel safe, I feel loved, and I don't feel
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  Speaker 1: like I'm going to get bandoned at the moment. Things
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  Speaker 1: are not perfect. Yeah, so that's my advice. Yeah, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: it's so hard.
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  Speaker 3: Though it is hard, it's funny, Like the first thing
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  Speaker 3: that came to my mind was like, oh my god, like,
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  Speaker 3: just go to her house.
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  Speaker 1: If people aren't doing communicate like you, babe.
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  Speaker 3: Because I've had past experiences as well where that's kind
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  Speaker 3: of unfolded and it's just been like left, you know,
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  Speaker 3: because they're not willing to have conversations. They're either scared
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  Speaker 3: of it, don't want it, don't value it. Enough or
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  Speaker 3: just somebody. Oh, it's conversation entirely all of those I know,
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  Speaker 3: so I understand. And at first I was like, oh
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  Speaker 3: my god, no, because I thought about you and I
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  Speaker 3: was like, I would rock up to this.
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  Speaker 1: The door.
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  Speaker 3: Then also, it depends on the relationship, and it depends
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  Speaker 3: on that other person. And if it's sumtical relationship, people
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  Speaker 3: are scary, yeah, like there's they can confrontational.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, aggressive don't want to hear how you're feeling, so
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  Speaker 1: you don't feel safe to even continue to try.
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  Speaker 2: That's so true.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know, you haven't given any context on her personality,
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  Speaker 1: but you've reached out quite a few times, and she's
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  Speaker 1: now likest ghosting you, ignoring you. What else do you do?
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  Speaker 3: I think there was one time, actually, I mean there
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  Speaker 3: was a time where I had like a whole group
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  Speaker 3: of girls who kind of cut me all.
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  Speaker 1: Off at the same time. And this is not something
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  Speaker 1: that I've.
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  Speaker 3: Spoken about on the podcast. Maybe one day in the future.
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  Speaker 1: I think you should. It's a crazy story.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah. But then there was this one girl who is
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  Speaker 3: kind of similar. We were just building a friendship and
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  Speaker 3: I had a falling out with another woman and she
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  Speaker 3: was a part of that group, and then all of
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  Speaker 3: a sudden, she just said to me, she sent me
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  Speaker 3: your voice message and she was like, Heyti, look like
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  Speaker 3: I've just decided that, like I don't have the space
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  Speaker 3: for any more friendships in my life right now, and
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  Speaker 3: she had asked for space, And in that moment, it like, Yeah,
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  Speaker 3: it feels really disappointing and it's hurtful, right because we
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  Speaker 3: just are such lover girls when it comes to our
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  Speaker 3: friends that all we want to do is fit in
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  Speaker 3: and belong have sisters who you can just genuinely rely on.
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  Speaker 3: But then it's in those moments it's like you kind
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  Speaker 3: of like what you said, you kind of have to
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  Speaker 3: respect their space and grow asked for it. That's where
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  Speaker 3: she's at, and she's showing you what her capacity is
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  Speaker 3: for where she can meet you. Just like this girl
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  Speaker 3: did to me.
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  Speaker 1: She doesn't value you, which is a hard pill to swallow.
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  Speaker 3: And I feel like in those moments when you can
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  Speaker 3: honor someone's space and the space they need, sometimes they
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  Speaker 3: come back around and maybe if she feels confident to
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  Speaker 3: have a conversation, you might get that laid down the
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  Speaker 3: track like this girl did to me. She came back
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  Speaker 3: around like a couple of years later, I was like, oh, hey.
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  Speaker 2: Then wanted to build a friendship.
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  Speaker 3: But by that time I had raised my standards too,
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  Speaker 3: like what you mentioned, and I'm like, no, like, I
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  Speaker 3: don't have space for anybody in my life who cannot
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  Speaker 3: communicate with me or doesn't value me enough to have
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  Speaker 3: a conversation with me.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and this is the.
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  Speaker 3: Evolution of this is definitely, you know, grieving the friendships
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  Speaker 3: that's so hard I get to have with this girl
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  Speaker 3: and that you no longer get to have.
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  Speaker 2: And that's a really hard thing to face.
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  Speaker 1: But yeah, and a thing that helps me get through
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  Speaker 1: now too is being appreciative for what it was. There's
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  Speaker 1: no grets and I wish things sometimes, I wish things
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  Speaker 1: could end differently, yeah, and be communicated better and all
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  Speaker 1: the things. But I'm also like, oh, in your life
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  Speaker 1: for a reason, or for a season, or for a lesson,
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  Speaker 1: I'm so grateful for all of that because everyone that's
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  Speaker 1: been in my life, it was fun. We learn lots together,
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  Speaker 1: we created memories, we build something, We're there for each other.
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  Speaker 1: At that point in our life, that was exactly what
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  Speaker 1: we needed. And if the friendship faded, ended grew apart
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  Speaker 1: or something happened. It's just that chapter has closed. You
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  Speaker 1: have evolved, or they're evolved, or you're in different paths,
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  Speaker 1: and that's okay. It should not be something that's looked
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  Speaker 1: as bad. It's like intimate relationships. We all most people
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  Speaker 1: go through a couple and to their find their person.
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  Speaker 1: It's not bad. You learn what you like, what you
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  Speaker 1: don't like, what you'll accept, what you won't accept, what
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  Speaker 1: feels good for you, what you want more of. That's
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  Speaker 1: a part of life's journey. It's just a hard part
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  Speaker 1: of it. It is, but it's so important. It is.
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  Speaker 3: It gives you so much resilience too, and I think clarity.
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  Speaker 3: I think it's something that we all get to learn
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  Speaker 3: how to navigate. Is grieving people who were not dead.
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  Speaker 3: Oh it's the hardest thing in the world, so hard
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  Speaker 3: I hear on this, so devastating and heartbreaking. It is
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  Speaker 3: what teaches us to grow like we does and it's
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  Speaker 3: a big part of our journey.
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  Speaker 2: And you know what, Like, if you are somebody who.
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  Speaker 3: Like us, like I feel like we attract a lot
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  Speaker 3: of growth seekers and women who want to grow and
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  Speaker 3: constantly evolve on this journey, you have got to be
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  Speaker 3: okay that people are going to drop off because as
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  Speaker 3: you grow, people are going to filter out, and it
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  Speaker 3: does happen. And if you could just be okay that
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  Speaker 3: you'll be okay no matter what. Get your own bad
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  Speaker 3: in and out of your life, you'll be okay at
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  Speaker 3: the end of the day.
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  Speaker 1: And sometimes when you grow away from someone or a
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  Speaker 1: friendship or a relationship ends, that had to happen to
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  Speaker 1: create space for the person that is really aligned with you,
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  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's so true and I
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  Speaker 1: feel like that with us, we were going through similar
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  Speaker 1: things we met each other and I'm like, oh, it
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  Speaker 1: had to go that way, otherwise we wouldn't be here
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  Speaker 1: on this podcast talking together. Yeah, it had to happen,
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  Speaker 1: and you had this conversation of the day. It's like,
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  Speaker 1: oh my gosh, that was crazy, Like every single moment
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  Speaker 1: that was hard. I wish it was different, but it
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  Speaker 1: had to be like that. Yeah, otherwise we wouldn't be
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  Speaker 1: here today and.
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  Speaker 3: We wouldn't be the versions of ourself that we are.
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  Speaker 3: To have met each other, Yeah, we wouldn't be able
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  Speaker 3: to see each other the way that we do each
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  Speaker 3: other because we wouldn't have learned those lessons previously.
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  Speaker 1: We've even spoke about it. If we met each other earlier,
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  Speaker 1: we probably wouldn't have been as connected. Yeah, if we would,
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  Speaker 1: we like each other. Yeah, it's like divine timing, right.
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  Speaker 1: So in this moment that you're going through this, I
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  Speaker 1: think if she's asked for space and she's not replying
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  Speaker 1: to you, you could try one more time and rock
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  Speaker 1: up to her house or call her and do whatever
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  Speaker 1: you need to do. Give it one last thing if
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  Speaker 1: you wanted to and you felt safe to. If not,
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  Speaker 1: I think I would trust in that maybe this chapter's
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  Speaker 1: closed and you can open up space with someone that's
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  Speaker 1: more aligned and can meet you where you want to
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  Speaker 1: be met, which has been able to have a conversation. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: not being ghosted. Yeah, I deserve better than that. You do,
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  Speaker 1: You deserve better one hundred percent. We hope this helps
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  Speaker 1: and we feel you're on this. Good luck with it
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  Speaker 1: all this. Take care of yourself. Hi girls.
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  Speaker 2: By