Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 315. Flashback Friday - Why You Never Feel Good Enough (And How to Change That)

Transcript

315. Flashback Friday - Why You Never Feel Good Enough (And How to Change That) · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the She Rises podcast. I'm Ashi. And I'm Tiana.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: This podcast is about female empowerment.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: authentic version of yourself.
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: We're going to laugh, cry, and talk about the topics
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: everyone else is too afraid to talk about.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level self.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: That accountability is everything.
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: And I remember when I first started working with Taylor
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: and I was going to him three times a week
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: for my back. I was in so much pain with
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: my back that I had so much motivation to go,
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: but I was so accountable. That's where I think a
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: coach or a personal trainer or anyone that you have
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: an appointment with, you've got that level of accountability. You
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: don't want to let them down, but we don't treat
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: ourselves that same level of respect. So if you are
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: struggling to keep showing up for yourself, this is when
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: you need to get help. And there's no shame in that.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Not at all.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: We're hoping for our girls.
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: We hope they do this 90 days and then they're
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: good on their own. And if they want to do
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: another 90 days with us, cool. If they love that
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: level of support and it's helping them build some habits
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: and break some old ones to rewire the way that
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: they think and the way that they do things, that's
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: the power of the group. That's the power of having
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: people that hold you accountable. and allow you to bring
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: your quote unquote mess or the things that you're struggling
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: with forward so it can be seen. We can dissolve
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: the shame and make a roadmap to move forward to
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: get that needle moving.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. It's even like us, like a really light example
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: is like us going to the gym together in the morning.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: Like when we walk in the mornings and we go training,
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: it's like we keep each other accountable in that area
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: because one, it's really important to both of us. And
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: also because we know the other person is going, like
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: we don't want to let the other person down.
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: It's accountability.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: Before I met you, I was in such a slump
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: with training and It's too dark. It's too cold. I'll
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: walk later.
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: I'm someone who really values health and fitness. When I
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: found myself in those, you just had a baby, all
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: the excuses. Then once we got into a routine, I
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: was like, oh my gosh, the power of accountability is everything.
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: Then we were training for a while and we were like,
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: we want to step things up.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Let's get a PT. He's going to keep us accountable.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: He's going to track our workouts. He's going to track
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: our weights.
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: I tracked my macros for a little bit, learned so
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: much about my body and what I was eating, what
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: I needed to eat more of. And it's like, once again,
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: they're worth their money in gold.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: It's so cool. So yeah, consistency and sticking to something
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: is definitely a very common problem. And we wanted to
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: bring this forward too, for anyone listening that feels alone
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: in it, like, oh, I'm such a failure. Can't stick
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: to anything. I keep trying, giving up.
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: You're not alone. We all go through it. We are
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: seeing this all the time, but we're also helping women
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: see that their true potential and that they can break
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: through that.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. Yeah.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: We're like week six now and they're doing incredible. Oh
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: my God.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: Aren't they? Yeah.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: It's powerful.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: And it is, it's a pattern interrupter. Like you've got
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: to be in the right environment with the right support
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: and the people who know what it is that you
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: want to achieve to hold you accountable to what it
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: is that you say. And then you know, what's cool
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: about getting yourself into an environment that encourages you to
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: be better is is that like what you said, after
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: the accelerator, these girls are going to be sweet on
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: their own. Like yourself, when you learn from other people
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: and you learn how to show up in a different way,
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: you carry that out to the rest of your life.
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: Don't you ever.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: Once you see it, you can't unsee it. And once
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: you start to change the way that you behave, you
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: won't go back to the way that you used to
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: behave anymore. Because one, it feels really good and you're
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: really proud of yourself now. But also too, because you
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: know that you can do really hard things. And then
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: shifting and breaking the pattern of that old behavior of
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: procrastination or delaying it or starting and stopping or shiny
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: object syndrome. It's like you don't fall into those patterns
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: anymore because you're now training yourself to behave a different way.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: How powerful.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: So powerful.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: To know that something that once held you back for... days, months,
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: maybe even years is something that doesn't even touch the
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: sides for you anymore. How powerful is that?
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: I love that you mentioned that because it's so true.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: Back when I was working with Taylor, I put him
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: on a pedestal. There's not many people that I put
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: on a pedestal, but I really did put him on
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: a pedestal. Just the way he does life, the way
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: he parents, the way he trains, the way he treats
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: his health, his perspective on everything, how grounded he is.
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: how loving and nonjudgmental he is. He's really an incredible human.
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: I want to be around people like that so I
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: become more like that. That's why I paid him the
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: money I did. Yes, he's expensive, but I saw the
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: value in what I was going to learn and who
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: I was going to become by being around that, the proximity.
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: I wanted to be close to him. I learned so
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: much from him and I still to this day carry
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: so much of what he's taught me.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: It's incredible.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: It's powerful.
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: Put yourself in those environments. I had the accountability for
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: three and a half years I coached with him. I
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: loved having his accountability and it wasn't just to fix
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: my back. It was like the accountability of different emotional things,
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: different ways I was reacting or responding in certain situations.
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: Like even friendship breakdowns he helped me navigate because in
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: how I would normally react and respond, he gave me
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: different alternatives and perspectives around it. And I was like,
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: this is so cool having that plug into someone who's
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: living how I want to live, even on the hard days.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: Especially on the hard days. Having them around when you
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: are struggling, when It is. You said this exactly before.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: It's being held in your mess.
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: Being held in the hard days. And when you do
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: get held in the hard days, you learn how to
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: show up in a better way that's more productive.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: And the way they love you through it teaches you
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: to love yourself through it.
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: It's so true.
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: That's why I love coaching. That's why I do what
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: I do because I fucking love it. Coaching completely changed
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: my life. Me too. Turned my life around. Complete 180
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: from the person I used to be to who I
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: am now. Powerful. And that's why it's so fulfilling when
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: I get to do that for my clients too. And
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: now what we get to do for our Accelerator girls
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: and also our Retreat girls, everyone who's in the She
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: Rises community. Like all of it is because we understand
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: the power of one, being able to have that with
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: each other, you know, having other people support us and
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: then us being able to relay everything that we've learned
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: so that we can support you in that way as well.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: Create the environment, the energy, the vibration.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: The frequency, the proximity, the support, the accountability, all of that.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: It's so powerful.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: Oh, isn't it?
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: We love our community.
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: The next thing that we see come through with most women,
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: I think it's one of the most common things is
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: people are feeling like they're a failure or feeling like
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: they're not enough. We always, especially women, we always feel
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: like we're never enough.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: Enough for what? What's the baseline here? Good enough for who?
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: For who?
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: Who says?
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: You know, but a lot of it does stem down
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: to our childhood and comparison and I think we always
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: feel like we're falling behind. I think social media has
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: played a big role in this too because everyone posts
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: their highlights. So you compare someone your age or in
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: the same industry doing what you're doing or another mother
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: and you see what they're doing and how they're doing.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: You're like, oh my gosh, I should be doing that too.
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: And then it makes us feel like, oh, if they're
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: doing that, what I'm doing is not enough. It's so
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: sad to see so many women just like never quite
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: Never really celebrating their wins and being proud of who
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: they are and where they've come from and forgetting what
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: they've actually overcome.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: To get to where they are.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think you're right about social media. I definitely
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: think it plays a huge role in the current level
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: of comparison. And there's something we've spoken about in a
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: previous conversation around you're damned if you do and damned
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: if you don't. And I think when it comes to comparison,
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: it's like there are a lot of people who maybe
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: want to live a life that they want to live,
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: but then on social media feel pressure to show up
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: a certain way and then buy into that narrative or
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: buy into the narrative of being the CEO baddie when
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: they want to be a stay-at-home mom or vice versa.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: I feel like that's a good example of how that
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: shows up. And I feel like that's where the not
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: enoughness comes in of like, but most people want this,
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: so maybe I should want this. Or maybe somebody wants to...
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: run a business and, you know, work 16 hour days.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: And then they're like, oh, now I feel pressure that
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: I have to do that too. When really all they
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: want to do is like raise three children and be
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: a beautiful stay at home mom who takes care of
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: the home. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's a really interesting
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: thing because we're just so stuck in comparison. And I
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: think it also comes down to how we choose to
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: see it too. Oh yeah. Or how we're taught to
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: see it maybe. Maybe there's not enough correction when it
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: comes to comparison. Yeah. Say, for example, when you compare
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: yourself to somebody, instead of going, if that person is successful,
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: that person is powerful, that means that I'm not powerful
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: or successful.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Or it takes away from you. It takes away.
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: It's almost like there's not enough room for me. But
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: if we were taught, which I believe is a really
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: beautiful thing, to see it as something that we don't
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: need to take on for ourselves, like we can appreciate
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: somebody else without it taking away from us, how much
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: powerful we would feel in ourselves to know that there
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: is no right or wrong, just what you want for yourself.
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: And everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Tasha's just sometimes
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: too come up for him. He'll come home from school
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: and if they've been practicing his handwriting, he's like, I'm
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: just so bad at it. And this person's so much
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: better at drawing and I'm just so bad at it.
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: My teacher is always trying to help me and I
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: just feel like a loser when it comes to handwriting.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: I'm like, yeah, and guess who's the best speller in
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: your class?
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: He's like, who? I'm like, you.
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: You are incredible. When people's laptops die, who do they
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: come to fix it?
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: You.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: Everyone's got their strengths.
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: And when you were growing up, he was surrounded by,
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: we all had, there's like five of us that had
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: kids at the same time. And He was the last
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: one to walk and like do some of the things
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: that the girls were doing. He was the only boy.
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: But it was the first one that could fully, fully
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: swim at not even two years old. Like every kid,
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: depending on what you're focused on, what you're passionate about,
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: what you're interested in is going to be your level
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: of like how good it is. But even at such
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: a young age, he's comparing and thinking, oh, I should
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: be as good a drawer as what the kid next
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: to me is. And he forgets about his strengths. So
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: just like remind him like it's okay if your handwriting
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: doesn't look like his.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: You can still write.
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: It's just not something you're really passionate about. If you
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: want to get better, you'll put your head down and
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: you'll practice when you get home.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Do you want to do that?
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: Not really. Okay.
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: It's not that important to you. That's fine. Maths and
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: science wasn't that important to me. Dance and being fit,
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: super important.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: So I did it every afternoon. It's okay.
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: As long as you're still learning and you're still trying,
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: you don't have to be the best at handwriting. You
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: don't want to be a professional handwriter when you're older.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: You want to be a pilot. Let's focus on what
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: we learned about planes.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: Yes, so true.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: But it happens from such a young age. It does,
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: doesn't it?
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: If they're not taught to be proud of what they
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: can do and know that they don't have to be
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: the best at everything, if you're not taught that from
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: a young age, it just carries into your adult life
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: and you're always feeling like you're falling behind.
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and also how you speak to yourself when you
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: are quote-unquote failing. When something doesn't go your way, like
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: how are you speaking to yourself? I was the worst
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: for this. My internal dialogue was so nasty. It was
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: like I was such a bitch to myself and I
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: still can be sometimes, but I'm better at clocking it
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: now because sometimes Well, I don't want to live in
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: a place that feels nasty to be all the time.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: And it's exhausting. It's nothing worse than... having like an
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: internal bully who literally, you know, we talk about being
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: bullied at school and we're like, it was the worst
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: time of our life. Gosh, yeah. But then we bully
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: ourselves just as bad.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: Even worse. Worse.
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: And I can make it make sense. I know. When
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: we change that, and at least in my experience, when
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: I changed that and was able to really be mindful
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: of what I was feeding myself day to day, when
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: it came to the quote unquote failures, it's not as bad.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: It's not as heavy. I'm not as harsh on myself.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: I don't, punish myself for getting something wrong. And even
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: if I have little micro moments where I'm frustrated at myself,
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: I can feel frustrated and I can have those little
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: micro moments of being like, oh, I feel like a failure.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: Then I also move on really quickly. I'm like, okay,
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: it's okay.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: You're fine.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: We're not dying. There's no bear chasing you, Tiana.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: You're so okay. You're also learning a really new skill.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: You can like reason with yourself so much nicer. Yeah.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: And I think that's a really powerful part of being
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: able to feel like you're not a failure and not
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: feeling like you're, quote unquote, not doing enough. Because in
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: comparison to who?
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: Exactly. Who are you comparing yourself to?
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: We had a couple of conversations about this with the
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: girls and one of them was talking about how she
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: turns to food to eat.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: And it was really cool.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: This is like inner child work. It's like reparenting yourself
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: and like thinking about if you have a daughter or
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: young girl around you, would you speak to her like that?
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: Would you tell her she's a failure? And like that
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: little girl's still inside you. This is something we love
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: to cover in Rise Inside and we cover it in
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: Accelerate as well because it's so important. Once you can
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: like visualize your inner child, it really changes the inner dialogue.
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: How crazy too.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: Every single woman we've spoken to about this, they have
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: like this crazy shift.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: They do.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: Because they're like, oh, And then all of a sudden
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: their demeanor changes, the way they speak to themselves changes.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: And they're like, wow, I just landed in so much
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: compassion because of this process.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: It's so beautiful.
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: Being able to walk with myself on the journey instead
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: of punishing myself on the journey.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: And you're not going to grow from self-punishment.
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: No.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: Putting yourself down. Do you think that's going to inspire
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: you to try again?
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: Do you think that's going to like motivate you? I mean,
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: sometimes it does. Sometimes it gives you a kick out
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: the butt.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: But it really depends on what you're making it mean. Yes.
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. And the last one is how petrified they
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: are to be seen in their mess. Oh my gosh.
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: This is a huge one. We've seen pretty much every
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: single girl that's come through Accelerator. I mean, now they've
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: overcome it and they're just like unloading into, we have
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: a private telegram group so they can come in and
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: ask us questions and they can chat amongst each other.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: And it's so cool. Like every time they're open and vulnerable,
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: we're just like, yes, go girl. It's the best.
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: And you know what?
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: It's so funny too.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: They'll voice it. They'll be like, or I don't really
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: want to send a voice message or, you know, they'll
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: tiptoe around something and then we'll ask a specific question
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: and then it would just all come out. And it's
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: the most beautiful thing, not only to witness it, but
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: also on the opposite end of that, how freeing it
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: feels when you can be seen in your chaos, in
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: your mess, in the things that you think that you
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: will get judged for and somebody holds you through it beautifully.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: there is nothing more freeing. We've had that in our friendship.
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: We've had that in other friendships of ours with family members.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: And when you can be held in that way, it
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: creates a level of connection that you could not even fathom.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: But not only that, it also allows you to know
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: that you don't need to be perfect in order to
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: be loved. And this is something I really struggled with
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: from a young age where I felt like I needed
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: to be perfect. I wanted to get my nose done.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: I wanted to look like Angelina Jolie. I wanted to
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: hold myself perfectly. I even honestly Googled like etiquette schools
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: on like how to present and like eat food properly
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: and like all of these things because I wanted to
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: be like quote unquote proper. And I thought that that
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: would make me more worthy and more valuable. And I
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: learned over the years as I did more personal development
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: work and as I got myself into spaces like Accelerator
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: that I realized that.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: All of that is bullshit. It's bullshit.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: And And it feels so restricting when you're in it too,
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: because I think that's when the you can't make mistakes
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: mindset comes in. I'm a perfectionist. I have to sit
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: on this for two hours when I'm doing a work task.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: I have to spend four hours in Canva. If I
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: don't get this speech right, people are going to judge
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: me for being imperfect or being not intelligent or whatever
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: the story is. And I think it's such a harsh
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: way to live life. And I truly think there's a
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: difference between challenging yourself to do more and to push
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: yourself beyond what feels comfortable versus having to show up perfectly.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: It's very different.
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: No one relates to someone that pretends they're perfect. There
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: goes the connection straight away. If someone's pretending to be perfect,
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: you instantly don't feel safe to unload any of your mess.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: That's what's been really cool to see with the girls
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: in the group. And even at the retreat, it's.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: Like one person talks about the struggles in her relationship
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: or how hard parenting is or what a failure she
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: feels like in business or the mistakes that she's made,
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: the shame that she's carrying around, anything they've been through.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: It's like once one person can be seen in the mess.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: You just watch the walls drop down.
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: And the girls said that after the retreat too, like
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: from the moment they'd been there a couple of hours,
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: it's like, oh my gosh, I feel so safe here.
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: I feel like I've known these girls forever. And then
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: the accelerator too was after the first call. Like, oh
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: my gosh, I feel like I've made lifelong friends and
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: I literally can be my full self and bring anything
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: in here. And all you get is girls being like,
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: oh my gosh, I see you in this.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: I've got you. Tell us more.
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: Unpack more. And we put them in the hot seat.
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: We did this hot seat coaching at the retreats and
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: an accelerator and That's basically where we bring them on.
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: Everyone's got their camera on and they tell us what's
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: happening for them in that moment, what's coming up for
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: them in their lives. And we coach them through it
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: and everyone gets to, it's like that exposure therapy.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, isn't it?
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: They're fully seen in their most rawest, messiest, vulnerable moment
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: and they just get to be loved on and also
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: coached through it. And that level of love you feel
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: from other women in your quote unquote mess, it definitely
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: just gives you a new level of love for yourself
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: because you see the way they are with you and
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: you're like, oh, I can be that for myself too.
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: And if you can't do that for yourself, you will
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: struggle to do that for other women as well.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. And like, you know, when you're going through something
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: on your own and you shame and judge yourself for
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: it and you're like, oh my gosh, if anybody knew this,
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: they would judge me. They would, I would never have
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: any friends. Like I would be the worst person ever.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: Shame thrives in secrecy.
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: It does.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: It thrives when you are by yourself. But the moment
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: that you allow yourself to be seen and you witness
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: how other people respond, you're like, oh, maybe it's not
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: as bad, but maybe I don't need to be this
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: harsh on myself.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: Maybe I don't have to be this mean towards myself.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: And the beautiful thing about the girls in The Accelerator is...
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: They'll jump onto the hot seat and then literally it'd
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: be 20 messages. Boom, boom.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: You're so loved. Oh my gosh, girl.
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for sharing that. You're so loved.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: And then all of the other girls, all of the
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: other girls giving them advice and supporting them along the journey.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: It's so nice.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: Like where else in life do you get that?
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: You know, and even something like just to circle back
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: to the retreat quickly, we did a burning ceremony.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: I was about to say the same thing.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: We were reading each other's minds.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: It was the most profound thing I have ever experienced
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: in person.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: Most profound.
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: Oh, the feedback.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: Because we joined in it too. We didn't sit back
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: and just the girls go through the process. We shared.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: And cried. Yeah, like what we were shameful for, what
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: I felt.
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: I remember sharing something and I felt like a failure
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: and I was scared what people would think of me
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: and like the feedback from the girls would just like
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: to have Ashley and Tiana and go through that with
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: us and to share their like dark secrets I suppose
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: yeah was so connecting and just made all of us
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: dissolve any shame we were carrying around any of it
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: and it was so beautiful and.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: You know what like on the first day is like
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: they were all so vulnerable and felt really comfortable but
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: by the third day oh my god they were cracked
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: open in a way that I hadn't seen before like
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: everything that every single woman shared around that circle was
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: something so deep, so scary, something they had held shame around.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: And you know what? Every single one of them were
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: banding arms, crying with each other because they just felt
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: so loved, supported and held in that moment.
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: It was such a beautiful release just to burn that
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: all away and for everyone to cry. I hadn't seen
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: Meg cry in ages.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: Oh, my gosh.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: She started me and you were like.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: That got me.
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, she doesn't cry. It doesn't allow herself to cry much.
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: It was really beautiful for her to be held in that.
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: I think all the girls even felt even more connected
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: with her and she was there to create content.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: That's right. But we're like, no, you're doing this with us.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: You're a part of it.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you're a part of this. Oh, my God.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: We were a mess.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: It's so beautiful. I looked at Meg and then I
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: looked at you and I was like, ah.
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: Everyone, just everything everyone shared. I just, we're literally all
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: holding hands and just like cuddling each other. It was
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: just so nice to be held in that and to
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: hold other women in their pain.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: I just, you know, there was a conversation that we
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: have with the girls at the end of the retreat
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: and we've had this in Accelerator as well. where one
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: of the girls said, I didn't realize how much I
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: didn't trust women until after I felt what it felt
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: like to trust women again. And that was after three days.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: Incredible.
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: That was after three days. And I think maybe that's
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: what we all as a collective, as women are struggling
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: with is the lack of connection and the lack of
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: like genuine vulnerability. Because when you do, it's easy. It
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: doesn't feel like energy out. You don't have to be
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: quote unquote on. You don't leave feeling drained. None of
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: that exists.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Yes. It's like.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: Oh my God, this fills my cup. Oh my God,
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: I want more of this. Oh my gosh, I can
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: be myself. And then that's when you start to notice
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: all of the different sides of your personality start to
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: shine through again because you're not trying to limit yourself
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: as to who you can show up as and who
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: you can't based on what environment you're in.