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How Your Nervous System Fuels Stress — And What To Do About It · Business for Humans

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I'm Jamie Gennaro, business coach, consultant, and founder of Practica Consulting.
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In this episode of Business for Humans, I dive into the nervous system,
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how it drives your stress, your reactions, and ultimately your risk of burnout.
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I talk about why you feel stuck in fight or flight at work, what's actually
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happening in your body, and a simple way to start taking back control in real time. Enjoy. Enjoy.
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Hey, here we are. Summer.
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I'm so excited. I'm about to go on holiday and just going around like crazy,
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trying to get everything done, working a ton, trying to get caught up on things.
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So I'm so happy you're here.
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This is kind of prime vacation time. So I want to keep you busy and keep you
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thinking about things while you're on vacation. If you like to listen to podcasts
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on vacation, then you're in the right place.
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So today I'm going to talk about the nervous system and I'm going to talk about
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how it's connected to your brain, how it's connected to your body,
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what happens in the nervous system.
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And why it's so key to learn how to manage your nervous system so that you can
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keep yourself from going into burnout.
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The nervous system is such a key part of how we move through the world.
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I think this fight or flight piece of our nervous system is so key to how we
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manage things at work, how we manage situations in our relationships,
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in our normal day-to-day life.
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It's the cause of a lot of pain.
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And what I think is really interesting about the fight or flight response is
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that it is triggered by real threats and perceived threats.
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It's interesting the way that your central nervous system can operate somewhat
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independently of your brain.
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Not really. In a theoretical way, that is true.
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Because if you think about hearing a noise before your brain has interpreted
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whether you're safe or not, your body responds, and you get a jolt of adrenaline.
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Even if it's someone knocking on the door or something hitting the window,
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before you know whether or not you're safe, your body responds to this trigger point.
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It might be something that is not dangerous whatsoever. Maybe a bug just flies
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into the window or someone is just knocking on your door.
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It doesn't mean that it's a threat, but your body reacts as if it's a threat.
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So this is what's so interesting about the connection that,
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our brain does have to this fight or flight response, which is controlled by
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the sympathetic nervous system, which is part of the autonomic nervous system.
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And I think I'm pronouncing that right. Autonomic? I want to say,
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automatic, but the autonomic nervous system controls your heart rate,
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your breathing, your pupils, that release of adrenaline, your breathing, your digestion.
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So when we're in a state of relaxation and rest your digestion works better.
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And it's not because your brain is telling your body to do something or not
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do something your body is regulating these things automatically so if you're in a stress state,
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if you're in a workplace that feels stressful for.
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Even though you may not be in
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danger, your body is reacting to this environment and this stress state.
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It's reacting to it with dilated pupils, a release of adrenaline,
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your blood is getting redirected, your heart rate is increasing.
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All the things that would happen if you were in that fight or flight state because
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your nervous system is being triggered.
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And again, it's not because your brain is doing anything necessarily.
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Your body is reacting to the environment.
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This is what I think is so interesting about burnout because we sit in our brain
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all day long and we talk ourselves out of things like, this environment's fine.
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I can manage it. I'm getting paid well.
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It's not that bad it's probably my fault
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i can we keep trying to keep ourselves in an environment even though every day
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our sympathetic nervous system is in this heightened fight or flight response
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and we know it because we go home and we're like freaking exhausted
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and we know that we get heart palpitations during the day and we know that maybe
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we lose our appetite or get,
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an enormous appetite because of the stress response.
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We can feel it circulating through our bodies, but our brain tries to convince
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us that it's not happening.
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But what happens in this heightened stress state is that later,
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after you've been pumping all that adrenaline through your body on a daily basis,
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your body starts to shut down in all these interesting ways,
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mainly through inflammation because you've been pumping these stress hormones
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and cortisol through your body for so long
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that your body now has to try to compensate for this,
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And it will create a lot of inflammation. You may have really strange autoimmune situations.
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You may have some exacerbated histamine response. You might get more allergic
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responses to things or more hay fever.
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The list goes on and on. I mean, I think the list of what happens to your body after,
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stress response, you know, after the stress is hitting your body for sometimes
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multiple years. In my case, it was decades.
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The thing about it is that your body is always in this trying to heal mode.
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But what happens on the weekends when you're that stressed out?
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Well, you have to put that stress somewhere.
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Sometimes you put it on people that live in your house.
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And then that turns into a new stress response,
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and then you have to come down from that stress response so you're just keeping
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your body because it starts to feel like the most comfortable way to exist and so you're,
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you're staying in this stress state and then you're creating a new stress state
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you're not doing it on purpose but it's it's almost like a reflex.
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But you will feel the consequences later okay so we know,
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we know this right like somewhere in your brain you know this but what i think
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is interesting is there is some part of this that you can control,
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a lot of it you can control but i also want you to be very realistic about the
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state of stress that you've been under and for how long and why.
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Because, again, as I talk to more and more people, and I would say mostly women,
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who are pushing themselves through this stress response and trying to convince
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themselves that they should stay,
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there is a moment where they realize the pain and how much they're suffering
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is maybe not worth what they're getting from this role.
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My job is to differentiate between the two what part can you control,
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and what part is out of your control and how do we reconcile the two things
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and if it means you need to leave your job how do we do it risk-free how do
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we do it without jeopardizing anything,
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keeping you safe working on all your shit in your current job and then moving
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you into something that feels more aligned where you're not in that stress state.
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I will tell you, if you've been in that stress state for a long time,
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if this is resonating with you, there is something better.
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And it's really hard when you're in it to muster up the energy to find something new and.
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And it's also really hard to believe that there could be anything on the other
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side of this. It feels like this is just how it's going to be forever.
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And it's not. And there are some tools.
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So the first tool is just recognizing that you're in a heightened stress state.
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So if you're noticing that your heart rate is increasing, if you're noticing that your breathing,
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is speeding up or is incredibly shallow,
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if it's hard for you to take deep breaths or you just realize during the day
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that you're not taking deep breaths if your sleep is disrupted and again these
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could also be symptoms of like perimenopause so we need to like,
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kind of pull some things apart and recognize what is a fight or flight nervous
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system response versus what might be like a hormonal response so that's another
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thing to kind of investigate if you're in that perimenopause,
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age range.
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Are you feeling a surge of adrenaline throughout the day?
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And for me, when I was in my most heightened burnout moment,
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there was this back room at the office that people would get called into.
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And if anyone on my team and or I got called into the back room,
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it was just an immediate surge of adrenaline.
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It was like a kind of an instant panic.
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Nothing bad ever happened to me in that room, but I was in the room when bad
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things happened to other people, and that was enough to put me in this fight-or-flight
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response as soon as I heard someone get called to the back room.
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So you know. If you're like, I don't know, do I have adrenaline? You know. You know.
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If you're coming home from work and you are just flattened, that you have no
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energy for anything, if you're just really in the state where you're like,
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I don't even want to look at my phone. I don't even want to read a book.
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I just want to stare at the wall.
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If you're in that state, then you have definitely been in this fight or flight,
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response, stress response for a while. That's one of the symptoms too.
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So the first thing you need to do is just give yourself some grace and just
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be honest with yourself.
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Like, yeah, I am under a lot of stress.
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I'd like to make a change. That's number one, because a lot of people...
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Recognize it, but they aren't ready or don't want to look at it or don't feel
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ready to make a change, the changes are small.
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So if it feels like, oh, I don't want to start something new,
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I don't have the time or energy or anything, you can start small. So here's how it starts.
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When something happens that triggers your stress response, and this could be
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at work, it could be at home, it could be with someone directly,
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one-on-one kind of conversation, it could be in a group situation okay
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what i want you to do is i want you to pay very close attention to what's coming,
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what's happening in your body so i want you to be like a detective
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this is kind of one of the most powerful things because what we do when we're
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in this stress state is we just think it's normal and we allow it all and then
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we react to it so if we feel a heightened,
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level of adrenaline, then we might lash out.
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We might get really mad. We, you know, we might just vent something and that's,
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it surges and then it releases.
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So the first thing I want you to do is like, don't judge it,
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but I want you to become a detective. Like, okay.
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So for me, I used to have major freak outs in crowds.
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So I went into a crowd, into our crowded Saturday market situation.
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And I walked through the market and I just acted like a detective.
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What is happening in my body?
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Because what you do when you focus on what's happening in your body is it immediately
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becomes less overwhelming.
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It immediately becomes something that you feel like you can control.
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And I'm not saying you can, not in these first stages, but just the fact that
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you're deciding to be curious about what's happening means that you're not just
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going to subconsciously react to something that's happening to you.
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And sometimes we lash out in all sorts of ways that don't really feel natural
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to who we are. But then we start to think that that is who we are.
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So we want to just pull it back and go into this space where it's like,
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okay, what's happening? So if I was walking through a crowd,
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what would be happening to me?
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It's actually happening to me right now. I'm just imagining it. I start to sweat.
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And that means that like my breathing is starting to increase and my heart rate is going up.
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And I feel a sense of claustrophobia,
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and a little panicky like I'm not going to be able to get out of the crowd so
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there's a little bit of a sensation of like yeah having difficulty breathing,
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and then I start to feel it in my whole body like I start to feel my blood kind
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of pumping all throughout my body.
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And so when this would happen to me before I was curious about it,
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I would just react. So I'd be like, get out. I got to get out.
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And whoever I was with, I was just like, get me out of here.
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Get me out of here. I need to go, go, go.
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And it was just, I couldn't control it, right? It just surged up.
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That panicky feeling surged up. And I just needed to get out of the crowd at all costs.
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And there was a moment where I got stuck in an airport.
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My flight was canceled. And once you go through security, if you've ever tried
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to leave an airport, once you've gone through security, it is next to impossible.
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And because my flight was canceled and hundreds of flights were being canceled
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at the same time in this tiny local airport.
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It was the most crowded place I've ever been in.
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It was so crowded, you couldn't even go to one of the airport restaurants because
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there wasn't any room to sit. There wasn't any room to sit on the ground,
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okay? And then there was no escape. There was no door to go through.
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You had to wait for security to let you out the other side, but they weren't
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just going to let a singular person because there were hundreds of people waiting to leave.
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So you had to wait for them to organize the group, to organize the crowd to
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be able to take them out of the security gates.
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It was a mess. And I was freaking out. And I was just, I was basically having
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a panic attack, but having to also be an adult and like navigate the situation
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because I had my, I think I had my daughter with me at the time.
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So I was like an adult having a panic attack, but needing to be responsible
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for someone else. And it just made me really angry, basically, and really.
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Yeah, just I don't even I don't even know exactly how I was reacting,
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but I was definitely like really grumpy, really mad and really grumpy.
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So now I can be curious about that. What is happening in my body?
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OK, I'm like sweating. Let me drink some water.
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My heart is beating. Let me just like stop moving for a second and take a couple deep breaths.
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So I'm not saying that you have to counter it immediately because you're in
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the early stages of recognizing it.
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But the main thing that you can do in your brain to help calm your nervous system
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is to make your brain and your sympathetic nervous system understand that you're safe.
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So even a mantra like, I'm safe. There's no danger.
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I'm in a crowd, but it's not dangerous.
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Anything that you can do to make yourself feel safe will,
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start to shift the nervous system reaction the trigger point so you can do this
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at work also so if there's a
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co-worker or a colleague or a boss that triggers you in that way where you get
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just a shot of adrenaline,
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when they enter a room just get curious about what's happening in your body
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don't try to change it in the beginning just be curious like what is happening to my body.
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This puts you in a power position over your body your body is going to react
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how it reacts eventually as you're noticing all your i hate the word trigger
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because i think it has so many,
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meanings but you're going to notice these moments and what your body does in
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these moments you're going to become more aware of it.
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And the magic of this is that the more you start to get curious about it,
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the more you naturally start to calm yourself down without even trying to like
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apply a tool or practice some method.
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It's just like, oh, OK, I'm breathing really shallow.
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Let me just deepen my breath.
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It's really really incredible because what happens is you're moving your awareness
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from your lizard brain right from that part of your brain that just reacts,
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automatically subconsciously you're moving to your frontal lobe where you can
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have more judgment and more control and more awareness over what's happening
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this is where you regulate,
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your your,
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judgment it's your logic your reasoning yeah it's where you regulate your emotions
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and so if you can move from that.
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Subconscious survival mode automatic autonomic place in your brain into the
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part of your brain that can regulate your.
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It's powerful. It's so powerful. And it can be applied to so many things.
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And I really like this idea of curiosity rather than judgment.
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It's not like, oh, here it is again.
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Oh, I'm an awful person because I have a panic attack when I'm in a crowd.
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It's not that. It's really being curious what is happening in my body and knowing
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that your body is reacting to something and it's been doing it likely for a long time this habit
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of reacting,
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you know and having your nervous system react in this way in certain situations,
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you're trained now to react that way so if there's someone in your life who,
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is kind of a trigger for you someone who like as soon as you see them you get
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that surge of adrenaline.
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It might be good rather than avoiding them, like spend a little bit of time
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with them just to practice this.
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So anywhere that where you feel like you go automatically into fight or flight,
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it might be interesting to go into those places rather than avoiding them so that you can try this on
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and practice being in the middle of it and seeing if you can,
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help yourself through it.
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Now, I don't want you to put yourself in any dangerous situation.
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Obviously, what we're doing is we're noticing the situations where our brain
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or our body has decided it's dangerous, but it's not dangerous.
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Okay, I'm not talking about actual danger. We want your body to do all the things
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it needs to do when you're in danger.
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Like, get the fuck out of there. What we're doing through this exercise is helping
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your brain and your body understand that you're actually not in danger.
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Even if a bug flies into the window and your body reacts as if it's dangerous,
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it's not. So we need to re-
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Calibrate the part of your body that turns on that immediate fight or flight
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response when it's not an actual danger.
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Now, is it bad for your health to stay in a very high stress environment? Absolutely.
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And is there some work that you can do to manage that? Yes, everything I'm talking about.
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But it's not dangerous, it's different. And I think that sometimes it's enough
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when you're in of stressful workplace.
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It's enough to understand that it's not dangerous, that it's not going to kill
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you, to basically help you lean out to the point where you can start to create boundaries again.
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And it doesn't mean you're a bad worker. It just means that you're not going
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to go deep dive into stress. You're going to help yourself move out of that stress response.
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And then you're going to work in a way that's more consistent and sustainable
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over time instead of plunging yourself into the center of the stress, whatever that means.
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And, you know, everybody's work has different requirements and different deliveries
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and different ways of showing up. But sometimes it's enough to be curious about
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what's happening to your body and then to be able to set new boundaries.
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And then you don't feel guilty about it because you understand you're trying
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to protect your health and you can still be good at your job without,
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killing yourself and being this fight or flight and having a release of cortisol
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constantly and then 10 years later having to deal with inflammation issues because
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you were in a heightened stress state for so long at your job why.
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Like there's no reason, honestly, like you can be really good at your job and
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also monitor the stress response and also talk to your boss if there is something
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that's creating and, you know,
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more stress than normal or right.
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Like you can't control everything like delivery, deadlines, clients,
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but you can control the way you react to them.
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And that's what we're doing here is just practicing knowing what's happening
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to your body when you're in that stress state.
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And then the next step after that is really starting to understand what brings you back down.
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Now we know in general if you create a lifestyle that is supporting,
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relaxation and calm right if you add some things to your life that create that
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like if you start taking long walks or you bring meditation into your life or
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you start yoga great obviously,
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but sometimes what we need is an acute tool.
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My son's upstairs making noise. Sometimes what we need is just a tool in the
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moment, not like yoga is not going to help us when our boss is yelling at us, right?
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That's not going to be the thing that it is going to bring general relief to
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your life and general relaxation, but it's not going to help you necessarily.
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Well, it will. The halo effect, it will.
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But in these acute moments, it's really great to try this tool on where it's
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like, what's happening to my body? like don't react give it a beat tell your boss like okay.
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Hold, hold that thought. Let me just gather myself for a second.
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You can always ask for more time because sometimes we get into this stress response.
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We think we need to react immediately. So if your boss is yelling at you,
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I think I talked about this in the podcast about receiving feedback.
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Just kind of let it come.
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Don't absorb it all. Just kind of let it come And then just park it,
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breathe, and let your boss know, like, okay, just give me a minute.
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You don't have to walk away. I think sometimes that creates more adrenaline and more anger.
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You can just say, okay, just hold on one second. Let me just think about this
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for a second. Take a deep breath.
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Notice what's going on in your body. I think sometimes we're afraid to take
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time out because it, like, is embarrassing or something.
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But I think it's such a great way to diffuse tension especially if somebody
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is just venting on you I do this with my kids sometimes you can tell when someone's
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actually got beef with you
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and when they just need they're like at the boiling point and they just need
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someone to explode on and you just happen to be there.
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It's not always easy to tell but sometimes it's like all right i just happen
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to be the receiver of their stress and i just happen to be here so it doesn't
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always mean it's about you but we get this surge of adrenaline and then we want to react,
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the best thing you can do is just take a beat like you get a surge of adrenaline
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now you're tuned into that like oh my body is reacting to this.
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Okay, just take a breath. All right, let me just, you can even say like,
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let me just take a breath here. Listen, you're yelling at me.
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Let me just take a breath. I did get in an argument recently with my spouse.
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He never really raises his voice, but he was angry about something.
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And I just, I wasn't doing it to be shitty.
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But I really, number one, I think it's good when somebody's yelling and they
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have a lot to vent to not interrupt them, okay, because that's reactive.
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So I just kind of sat there and let it happen.
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And then for a few minutes afterwards, I just sat in silence. It's not like me at all.
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I am usually the person who's like jumping in, interrupting,
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wait, wait, wait, let me defend myself. Let me get in there for a second.
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Let me articulate my thoughts but i didn't i just let it come i let it happen
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i let the venting happen and then i gave it a beat,
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and i was watching my body like i'm not in danger i'm not in i mean and i can
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safely say that i was not in danger it was just he was mad that's fine he wasn't.
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You know, going to hurt me or anything. So I knew I was safe.
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And so I could talk myself down. I could do some breathing.
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And I will tell you that when I was watching the way my body was reacting, I was listening to,
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but when I was watching how my body was reacting, I was not in such a heightened
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emotional state that I couldn't be articulate, which is the halo effect of this, especially at work.
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If you can watch your nervous system and you can get curious about what is happening.
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Okay, my blood pressure is rising. The adrenaline is surging.
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Let me just focus on my breath. Let me see if I can bring it down. I'm safe.
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I am not in any danger right now. oh, this sucks, but I'm not in danger.
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And that is enough to just kind of cool your jets so that you can approach the
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situation now, not from fight or flight, but from a place where that feels more
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grounded, that feels more centered.
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It's not easy. Okay? I am not telling you this and then saying tomorrow you're
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going to be able to do this, but I will tell you,
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if the only thing you take away from this is being curious about what's happening
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in your body it will change everything especially if you're someone who tends to yell this was me okay.
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I would yell at my kids. Like I would get frustrated and I would yell.
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I don't, I mean, okay, maybe like once in the last couple of years I've yelled,
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but I don't do that anymore.
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I mean, I think it's also because they're in a different phase and they're not as annoying.
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But if you're someone who does react emotionally to your environment,
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like when I was in the height of burnout, I would cry a lot.
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I was crying a lot. I was crying at work. I was crying on my way home from work.
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I was crying when I got home.
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There was so much that my body just could not process so much stress that was
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happening, and I didn't have a place to put it. I had little kids.
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I couldn't bring in all those other things like yoga and meditation.
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I just did not have the time for that stuff.
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So this is not about like create a ritual and do this and well it's just like
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in the moment get curious what is happening in my body i will tell you it will
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slow you down long enough,
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to not have an explosive reaction
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now i want to be clear too i'm not saying that like the emotions that come up
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aren't right if you're sad or you're angry or disappointed or you're humiliated or you're in shame.
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I'm not saying that you have to turn any of those feelings off.
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It's about curiosity. This is what I love about this tool. It's just like,
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what is happening in my body? Oh my God, my face is turning red.
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I'm so humiliated right now.
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Allow it. This is about allowance and not trying to shut something off, not trying to change it.
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That's why I like curiosity. It's about curiosity. It's not judgment.
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It happens. We're human. We have human reactions to things.
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But what we want to do is really start bringing our nervous system down,
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lowering that fight or flight response when we're not actually in danger.
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We need to remind our body and our brain we're not in actual danger,
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but our body is responding as if we are.
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And this also goes for if you're somebody who keeps mantras going in your head
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about how bad you are, how terrible you are, what a bad person you are.
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You can't believe you did that. If you're shaming yourself in your own brain,
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you're creating a fight or flight response on your own.
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And you're going to start feeling your heart rate raise.
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You're putting yourself in a danger zone. You're creating stress.
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So again, if you hear this kind of mantra going on, curiosity.
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Because your brain doesn't know the difference between you giving yourself the
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negative feedback or someone else giving you the negative feedback.
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Your brain doesn't know the difference. You're getting all this negative feedback,
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you're feeling all this humiliation and shame, it's either self-caused or it's caused by someone else.
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Your brain and body don't know the difference. You're going to go into a stress
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response. So curiosity.
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Start with curiosity.
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And then breath is a really incredible tool.
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It helps slow you down. It slows down the speed of how fast you talk.
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You can tell when I'm excited about a topic by I start talking fast.
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And when I'm all chilled out, I talk really slow.
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When I edit the podcast, I have to edit out so much of the long pauses.
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But it's also because I'm relaxed and I'm thinking about what I want to say
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and I'm trying to be articulate.
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I'm also very aware of the fact that I say like very often you know I am also
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trying to slow down my speech patterns so that I can be aware of that too.
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So that I can consciously remove some of those filler words in any case this
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tool is amazing I want you to try it on this week be curious Yes.
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Maybe even put yourself in one of the situations that usually causes stress.
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So if that means going into a crowd, keep yourself safe.
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But if it's a safe situation that you can put yourself in to practice this, try it on.
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I love to hear how people are doing with these tools. So leave a comment.
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Let me know if it's working for you.
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It also helps other people when they're, you know, looking on YouTube or in
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the podcast. If you are sharing what's working for you, it helps other people too.
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So don't be afraid to share.
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It's really helpful. It's kind of like reading Yelp reviews. It's so helpful.
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I never leave them. I very rarely leave comments places, but I do think when
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we're learning tools like this, it's really nice when people can share their experiences.
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So I hope you will.
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I hope you have a great week and I will talk to you next time.