Latest / The Daily Sarcast / April 28th, 2026: The British Are Here, Playstation In Prison And My First Day

Transcript

April 28th, 2026: The British Are Here, Playstation In Prison And My First Day · The Daily Sarcast

• 0:00
  Today's episode is brought to you by Springtime in New York City.
• 0:03
  There really is nothing quite like it.
• 0:06
  Look at Melania. So beautiful. Mrs. Trump, you have a glow like an expectant widow.
• 0:12
  Jimmy Kimmel's comment that is making Melania trying to cancel Jimmy.
• 0:17
  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Starcast. I give you the news, maybe a laugh.
• 0:21
  I'm Lindsay Vernick, and today is April 28th, 2026. Good morning.
• 0:27
  This might be the last sarcast for a couple days.
• 0:31
  I'm back on set and I'm working crazy hours again so there may be a sarcast
• 0:36
  tomorrow there might not be so I might be taking a break for a couple days this
• 0:40
  week but I will put out another one this week.
• 0:43
  I definitely will have one on Friday but hopefully it won't be that long.
• 0:47
  It's the first week of shooting so we just have to see how it goes.
• 0:50
  In real news the Elon Musk versus OpenAI trial officially kicked off in Oakland
• 0:55
  Which is funny, because if you ask people where the center of the AI universe
• 0:59
  was, Oakland would rank somewhere between Mars and that WeWork in New Jersey.
• 1:04
  Over the next month, a parade of tech royalty is expected to hit federal court.
• 1:08
  Like Elon Musk, Sam Altman, Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella, plus assorted billionaires
• 1:14
  and boardroom side characters.
• 1:16
  It's basically the reality version of Succession.
• 1:20
  Musk claims Altman and OpenAI lured him in with the promise of a non-profit
• 1:24
  dedicated to safe AI and then pivoted into one of the most valuable companies on earth.
• 1:30
  He wants $150 billion and for AI to go back to non-profit status. I mean, casual.
• 1:36
  Just a couple dollars and a corporate time machine.
• 1:39
  Meanwhile, Oakland locals seem deeply unimpressed by all of this.
• 1:44
  The reaction to this is less wow oh my god all of these crazy industry people
• 1:49
  are here and more please don't block traffic one person literally said there
• 1:54
  are bigger issues to think about aka nobody cares about your billionaire custody battle.
• 2:00
  The trial also lands in a city that's still recovering economically,
• 2:04
  with high office vacancies and empty storefronts.
• 2:07
  So while Silicon Valley argues over the future of AI, Oakland is focused on
• 2:11
  the present reality of rent, crime, and whether downtown can bounce back or not.
• 2:16
  And in the most honest protest slogan of the year, demonstrators plan for opening
• 2:20
  day under the banner, Everyone sucks here.
• 2:23
  Finally, a movement with clarity. King Charles and Queen Camilla arrived in
• 2:28
  Washington yesterday for a state visit, which means Britain was willing to send
• 2:33
  royalty into a massive shitshow.
• 2:35
  Trump welcomed them to the White House by pointing out to the giant hole where
• 2:39
  the East Wing used to be. How heartwarming.
• 2:42
  And after what just happened at the Correspondents' Dinner this past weekend,
• 2:46
  it was unclear whether the king would come at all.
• 2:48
  He eventually decided yes, apparently choosing courage over a non-refundable flight.
• 2:54
  The visit is meant to celebrate America's 250th birthday and reinforce the special
• 2:59
  relationship between the U.S. and Britain.
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  Though it is worth noting, that relationship began with us violently rejecting
• 3:06
  their monarchy, so the branding has always been a little bit complicated there.
• 3:10
  Behind the scenes, the British hope that Charles can charm Trump into easing
• 3:14
  tensions with Prime Minister Keir Starmer after they had recent arguments over
• 3:19
  Iran defense and the Falkland Islands.
• 3:21
  So now the king is being used as a middleman.
• 3:24
  Meanwhile, the White House remains under fortress mode. The trumps are staying
• 3:28
  on the ground, security is heightened, park bricks were removed because they
• 3:32
  could be thrown, and guests are being shown AI history glasses at the tennis pavilion.
• 3:37
  That sentence alone should qualify as satire.
• 3:41
  In prison news, Rikers Island is using video games as part of a strategy to
• 3:46
  reduce violence and reward good behavior.
• 3:48
  Yet one of the most notorious jail complexes in the United States said,
• 3:53
  what if we gave them PlayStations to help reduce fighting?
• 3:56
  Inmates there can play games like NBA 2K, Madden, and Sonic Racing by staying
• 4:02
  out of trouble, keeping their cells clean, and participating in programs nicely.
• 4:06
  And honestly, if it lowers violence, who wouldn't support this?
• 4:10
  Society spends billions on systems that don't work, so if a few rounds of Madden
• 4:15
  create peace, hand over the controllers.
• 4:18
  Meanwhile, outside of jail, people with feel freedom are screaming at strangers
• 4:22
  in Trader Joe's parking lots. So who's really rehabilitated?
• 4:26
  In Lindsay life, yesterday was my first day at work, and I was working at the
• 4:31
  production office in Midtown. I got locked out of the office,
• 4:35
  so I had to go back down to the lobby to go back up to the 11th floor to go
• 4:39
  back down to the 8th floor.
• 4:41
  I swear there's more security in this random Midtown office than there is at the White House.
• 4:46
  Lindsay Lessons, a lesson by Lindsay. If you're ever feeling bad about yourself,
• 4:51
  just know that at least you didn't get pregnant with a shitty guy out of wedlock
• 4:55
  just to tie him down because he has money.
• 4:58
  Yeah, I know somebody who recently just did that.
• 5:00
  Cooking tip of the day. if you don't cook and you don't eat then you'll lose
• 5:05
  weight maybe feedback comments questions a nice jewish boy looking for a date
• 5:10
  email me at lindsey at the daily starcast.com thank you guys so much for listening
• 5:14
  and hopefully i will talk to you tomorrow or the following day.