Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 622: If You Don't Get Your Ex Back, It's YOUR Fault

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Episode 622: If You Don't Get Your Ex Back, It's YOUR Fault · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:00
  Hi, this is Lucia with The Art of Love.
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  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
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  you get your ex back or to get over your ex.
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  This week I want to discuss why. If you know about no contact and
• 0:12
  you don't get your ex back, most likely it's your fault.
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  Getting an ex back can be so easy, so freaking easy.
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  And you are making it complicated.
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  I've already walked that path for you through my own
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  experience and the experience of my clients.
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  I know what you need to do at every stage of a breakup, but
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  there's no point in having a lot knowledge if you're not going to
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  use it. So stay tuned because I have a
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  lot more to say on this topic. But first I have to of course,
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  welcome back my beautiful no contact army.
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  If you have not yet downloaded my app Silencio to help you stay
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  in No contact, then go to the link underneath every single
• 0:59
  video and podcast and download Silencio.
• 1:02
  And if you too would like to join our no contact army, all
• 1:05
  you have to do is hit the subscribe button and the bell
• 1:10
  notification and you're in. And to read our manual, go to
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  nocontactsecrets.com where you can read two free chapters
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  before you purchase the book. OK, so I am heated today because
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  of a comment that I saw on my page, my YouTube page, and I
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  have to jump in. And that's what got me thinking
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  that I need to make this video because y'all are messing up for
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  no good reason. There's no reason why more of
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  you should not be getting your exit back.
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  And he says she broke up with me three months ago.
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  After six years together, I've been in no contact for 46 days
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  and I'm so close to reaching out because I can't take the torture
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  anymore. I'm spamming that panic button
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  like crazy. OK, so let's analyze this.
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  That means he was in contact for 46 days.
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  I don't know when he found my channel.
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  Maybe he found that after 46 days and he started doing it.
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  OK, fine. And he says he can't take the
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  torture anymore. Too bad.
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  Too bad. It's either the torture of
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  staying in no contact or the torture of being rejected.
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  Again, pick your poison and if you can't take the torture, it's
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  because of your anxiety. So hitting the panic button he's
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  referring to my Absalencio, is not going to fix that.
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  If you have so much anxiety that you're hitting it every day, 10
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  times a day, 100 times a day, that's not what the panic button
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  is for. It's supposed to be for once in
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  a while, if you think you're about to break it, you hit the
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  button. If you need to spam it then you
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  either need to be listening to my no contact playlist or you
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  need to be in therapy because hitting the panic button on the
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  app. I'm sorry but if you're that far
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  gone no. So I had to jump in and tell him
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  please do not break no contact. And he said OK, I'll listen
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  because I was just close to breaking and I don't know how
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  many videos of mine he's listened to.
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  But I have said time and time again, never, ever, ever break
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  no contact between days 45 and 60.
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  That is when you're most likely to hear from your ex.
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  That is the absolutely worst time to break no contact.
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  And it's also the time when your ex will be most most anxious and
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  you will be most anxious again. I've laid everything out.
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  I told you what path you're going to be walking on as you go
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  through no contact. It's not like, oh, the child
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  didn't tell us about this. No, no.
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  I know what you're going to be feeling, and I know what you're
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  going to be thinking. And that's why I'm telling you
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  not to break no contact between days 45 and 60.
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  I don't care if you're dying. Well, I do.
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  But you know what I mean. I don't care if you can't eat.
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  I don't care if you can't sleep. I don't care if you can't go to
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  work. I don't care if you want to
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  sleep all day. I don't care if you're crying
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  all day. I don't care.
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  Stay in, no contact, no matter what.
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  Because what exactly do you think you're going to get by
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  reaching out, especially between days 45 and 60?
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  And in fact, that's what I asked him.
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  I said what did you think you were going to gain?
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  And he goes, well, honestly, in agreement to meet up and talk.
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  And I said the chances of that happening are slim to none.
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  All of y'all think that you can talk your way back into a
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  relationship. Guess what?
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  You no longer have any power with that person.
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  What? Now Suddenly you're this great
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  orator, you're this great debater, and you're going to be
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  able to talk your ex into coming back.
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  Did you have to talk them into dating you?
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  No. So what makes you think you can
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  talk them into coming back, especially when you now have no
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  power over them? The only power you have is no
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  contact, and that's where you want to start it as soon as
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  possible and stay in it. That's the only way you're going
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  to get some power back. And you think, well, we just
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  need to talk. They don't want to talk.
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  If they wanted to talk, they would have reached out.
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  Oh, but there's a misunderstanding.
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  Well, even if there was, guess what?
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  If they had a high interest level in you, they would have
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  done everything to clear up that misunderstanding so they
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  wouldn't have to break up with you.
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  But they didn't. They chose to walk Or you may
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  say, oh, but, but now I'm in therapy, But now I've changed.
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  OK, But unless they come looking for you, they don't care that
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  you're in therapy. They'll be happy for you.
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  But they don't trust that you're going to change just because
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  you're in therapy and they're going to assume it's going to
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  take ages for you to heal or to get better, even with the
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  therapy. And the only way that you can
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  show them that is to show them through your actions, through
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  not reaching out, through not acting, quote, UN quote crazy,
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  not by talented. Well, I'm in therapy now.
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  OK, then I'll get right back to you or right back with you.
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  And then he goes on to say, well, so and so said that I can
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  reach out after, you know, a certain number of days.
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  And I hear this all the time from my clients.
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  Well, this other coach said I can reach out.
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  This other coach said I can reach out.
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  I'm not referring to one specific coach.
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  So when you're trying to decide which coach should I listen to?
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  Should I listen to Lucia? Or should I listen to everybody
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  else who's saying to either respond to bread crumbs, respond
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  to every single message you get, or to reach out after a certain
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  number of days? All right, let's use this
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  analogy. Let's say you need a criminal
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  attorney. Hope you never do.
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  But let's say you do. What kind of criminal attorney
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  do you want? Do you want an alpha or do you
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  want a beta? Do you want someone's going to
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  play by all the rules and be nice, or do you want a Pitbull
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  of an attorney? Do you want someone who will do
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  whatever they can to make sure you don't end up in prison?
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  Who will use every trick in the book?
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  Pull every single stunt of course within the law.
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  But they will leave no stone unturned to make sure that you
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  do not end up in prison. So with that Pitbull attorney,
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  would they be alpha or they be beta?
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  They will be alpha. So if you're not dealing with an
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  alpha ex bat coach, you're setting yourself up for a
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  self-imposed prison where you will be in solitary confinement
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  because you're not going to get your ex back because you did not
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  listen to the right person. So ask yourself that next time
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  you're wondering whose advice you should take.
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  And by the way, if you're finding this helpful, I would
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  appreciate if you would hit the like button so that we can help
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  the YouTube algorithm refer this to other people.
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  And yes, they too can hear me rant on about no contact and not
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  getting in contact with your ex. So now how many chances do you
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  think you're going to have to do things correctly and get your ex
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  back? You can't keep messing up and
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  think that you'll still be able to get them back.
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  And I have clients that come to me, that they've been to other
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  coaches or they didn't do things correctly and now I'm supposed
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  to fix everything. Not everything can be fixed.
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  You can't continue to make mistakes and then think that you
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  can magically get your ex back. Everything you need to do isn't
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  all my videos. You don't even have to do
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  coaching with me. This isn't about me trying to
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  get more coaching clients. Plenty of people have gotten
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  their ex back without contacting me and the best comment that I
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  ever received, the best testimonial that I ever received
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  that any coach could ever receive was a woman that said,
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  just follow her blindly, meaning me.
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  I did everything she said and I'm now engaged to my ex.
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  She didn't even do coaching, she listened to the videos.
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  She didn't just listen to them, she implemented them.
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  She did what she needed to do. I have a topic, a video on every
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  single stage of breaking up and getting an X back of whether you
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  have kids together, whether you work together, etcetera,
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  etcetera. How to respond, when to respond,
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  if you should respond, what to say?
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  It's all in the videos. You just have to listen to them
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  and implement them and not follow your feelings.
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  Your feelings do not have an IQ. You have to use logic, You have
• 9:25
  to use strategy. Otherwise, as I said at the
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  beginning, if you know about no contact and especially if you
• 9:32
  listen to the videos and you don't get your ex back, very
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  likely it's your fault and you're going to regret it for a
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  long, long time. Unfortunately, and regret is a
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  terrible thing to live with and I don't want you to go through
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  that. So please listen to me and do as
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  I say in the videos. OK?
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  So if you want me to help you get your ex back, you can
• 9:54
  contact me at theartoflove.net. We will send you the rates and
• 9:58
  the direct link to that is below Every single video and podcast.
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  If you found this video helpful, please like, subscribe and
• 10:04
  share. If you're listening to this as a
• 10:06
  podcast, please rate and review. And finally, remember that love
• 10:10
  inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.