Latest / Age Like a Badass Mother / Ep. 64: What's Great About This Shit Pile? Reframe, Let Go, Get Unstuck - Dr. Sue McCreadie

Transcript

Ep. 64: What's Great About This Shit Pile? Reframe, Let Go, Get Unstuck - Dr. Sue McCreadie · Age Like a Badass Mother

• 0:00
  Hi friend.
• 0:01
  This week's episode is phenomenal.
• 0:04
  My guest is doctor Sue.
• 0:06
  She radiates warmth and compassion while she asks the questions.
• 0:11
  What's great about this shit pile and what would love do?
• 0:14
  Learn how to get rid of the stories that keep you stuck and keep you from letting go.
• 0:20
  You will just absolutely adore her and she might change your life.
• 0:25
  By now you know that I've reverse my heart disease by following a whole food plant based diet.
• 0:31
  If you're ready to add more plant based meals to your life, head over to my website.
• 0:36
  Well, elephant.com after this episode and grab my free cookbook.
• 0:41
  It's my gift to you.
• 0:42
  And while you're there, if you're really ready to reverse disease, check out my online class is Plant Based Eating.
• 0:50
  I made this class with you in mind.
• 0:52
  Thank you for being here.
• 0:54
  You mean the world to me.
• 0:56
  Now let's meet doctor Sue.
• 0:59
  Hi friend, I'm Lauren Bernick and I'm flipping the script about growing older.
• 1:05
  From rebels and rule breakers to wellness warriors and wise women.
• 1:10
  My guests have been influencers since before that was even a thing, and we're not even close to finished.
• 1:18
  Welcome to age like a badass mother.
• 1:24
  Doctor Sue McCready is a holistic pediatrician and midlife transformation expert who helps women in their 40s, 50s and 60s navigate hormones, heartbreak, and healing so they can stop settling and start living with joy.
• 1:39
  Her mission to make transformation simple, soulful, and even fun.
• 1:44
  Because when women rise, we raise the vibration of our world for our children.
• 1:49
  I love that.
• 1:50
  Welcome, doctor Sue.
• 1:52
  Thank you so much for having me. Lauren.
• 1:55
  This is going to be so fun.
• 1:56
  I'm excited.
• 1:57
  I'm excited too.
• 1:58
  I'm really excited to talk to you because, I okay, I don't even know where to start, but, you're you're a pediatrician, right?
• 2:06
  Yeah. Practicing pediatrician. Yeah, I am.
• 2:10
  And how how did you get from being a pediatrician to helping women in midlife?
• 2:16
  I know it's wild.
• 2:18
  I you know, my first love is human behavior, I must say.
• 2:21
  So I've always been interested in psychology, and that was my major.
• 2:25
  I actually thought I wanted to be a psychiatrist when I went.
• 2:27
  To med school.
• 2:28
  But I saw what that was to be a practicing psychiatrist, and I thought, that's not a great fit for me.
• 2:34
  And I've always loved kids.
• 2:36
  So when I, when I was on my pediatric rotation, I was like, oh, this is for me, like, kids just make me a better person or oh.
• 2:44
  I just become nicer.
• 2:46
  I'm already nice, but you know what I mean?
• 2:47
  They just like, bring out the best in me.
• 2:49
  And so, yeah, I, I launched into pediatrics and I started as an entrepreneur.
• 2:57
  So I started my own practice because I was interested in holistic natural healing.
• 3:03
  And this was.
• 3:04
  23 years ago, and no one wanted to hire me for that.
• 3:09
  So I sent out all these.
• 3:11
  Letters, and one kind physician replied back and goes, I won't hire you, but you can start my practice. Out of.
• 3:18
  My office.
• 3:19
  So I did, and that started my journey in pediatrics.
• 3:22
  But along the way, all these amazing women in my practice mamas were like, how can you help me?
• 3:29
  What can you do for me? Right?
• 3:30
  And so I knew I didn't want to do functional medicine for adults.
• 3:34
  Like that wasn't my passion or purpose, but I couldn't figure out what else it was.
• 3:39
  So I just started following the breadcrumbs and trying different things.
• 3:43
  Right.
• 3:44
  And that led through for other entrepreneurial adventures that finally landed, a few years ago.
• 3:51
  Coaching.
• 3:52
  And the funny thing is.
• 3:53
  Lauren, I hired a coach like a decade ago, and I said, all I know is I don't want to do what you do.
• 3:59
  Which is coaching.
• 4:03
  I believe that.
• 4:04
  And then you end up being a coach. Okay.
• 4:06
  And then I ended up being a coach, and then I, I, I texted her.
• 4:09
  Immediately. I was like, you're.
• 4:10
  Not even going to believe this. I'm a coach.
• 4:13
  You go, that's so funny.
• 4:15
  I mean, she remember that it was funny.
• 4:17
  It's just like you.
• 4:18
  You just don't know until you try it on and see.
• 4:22
  Right?
• 4:23
  And once I started working with women in that way around emotional healing and relationships and transformation, during these periods of 40s, 50s and 60s, I was like, I am in my lane, Jane, because by this time I had done so much personal development for myself through, you know, through healing, through multiple miscarriages and through just being an entrepreneur.
• 4:44
  It was like soul sculpting.
• 4:47
  So I had done so much personal development that it was just natural for me to share these frameworks with these women, you know?
• 4:54
  And if their mothers, you know, help them, pass them over to their kids.
• 4:58
  Like I do. So.
• 5:00
  Yeah, you mentioned I saw that, you had multiple miscarry urges, but I also see that you have multiple children.
• 5:07
  So it all worked out and.
• 5:08
  Right. Yeah.
• 5:09
  You have. Three.
• 5:10
  I have three daughters, three daughters.
• 5:12
  Two teens.
• 5:13
  And two young adults.
• 5:16
  Like one of the teen, but still.
• 5:18
  You know, young adult. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 5:20
  And so did you figure out, like, investigate what what was happening with the miscarriage?
• 5:28
  Is that sort of what led you down that path?
• 5:31
  That's such a great question.
• 5:32
  It was.
• 5:35
  Yeah, it was a process of discovery.
• 5:36
  Like, we didn't understand why this was happening, and I didn't have, like, the technical language of what was happening.
• 5:43
  However, I had a dream, and my dream.
• 5:46
  Have you ever had a really powerful dream?
• 5:48
  And you wake up and you just like, oh my gosh, you know exactly what to do.
• 5:52
  I don't know how to do it.
• 5:53
  So the dream was, the dream was I was a.
• 5:57
  Patient, I was a patient.
• 5:58
  So I was like in one of those like patient gown robes.
• 6:02
  However, the nurses knew that I'm also a doctor.
• 6:05
  So they started taking me from bedside to bedside and showing me these very specific labs that have to do with clotting.
• 6:13
  Right?
• 6:14
  So I woke up and I was like, oh my gosh, I'm clotting off these babies.
• 6:18
  I'm gonna start taking a baby aspirin.
• 6:18
  That's literally what I did.
• 6:20
  Are you. Kidding?
• 6:22
  No, I was like, I'm.
• 6:24
  Clotting off these babies.
• 6:25
  That's what's happening.
• 6:26
  I'm going to go, what do you. Baby clotting. Off?
• 6:28
  Like for.
• 6:29
  Me, forming clots in your.
• 6:31
  In your uterus. Yeah.
• 6:33
  Like in your vascular vascular system that's supplying blood flow.
• 6:37
  Right.
• 6:38
  So. So they couldn't get blood.
• 6:40
  Is that. Right?
• 6:41
  So like, it compromised, the pregnancy and, of course, like, I didn't have any of the language or the technical understanding even as a doctor at that time.
• 6:52
  But since then, I've learned that what I have is called methylation genetics.
• 6:57
  Maybe some listeners have heard that MT for it goes by a very funny name.
• 7:04
  So yeah.
• 7:05
  I have this.
• 7:07
  And now I'm able to turn that around and support other patients who have that, because the way that it can show up through symptoms is vast.
• 7:16
  It can show up through cardiovascular like I was having.
• 7:20
  It can show up through, oh, any system, any system like attention.
• 7:27
  So nervous system, you know, gas or an, GI system, immune system.
• 7:33
  So it has. Multiple.
• 7:34
  It's a, it's a, Methylation is a process that happens in every cell of the body.
• 7:39
  So it can affect every system of the body.
• 7:41
  So a lot.
• 7:42
  Of people have it, but maybe not severe.
• 7:45
  Right.
• 7:46
  And so they are it's turned out to be a one of God's greatest gifts of me.
• 7:51
  Going through that process I learned first how to bring a baby into this world.
• 7:55
  And baby aspirin wasn't the only thing I was doing.
• 7:57
  I was working with an acupuncturist and, you know, slapping hormones.
• 8:02
  On that.
• 8:03
  I'm to keep the baby like, stay, stay.
• 8:06
  I was doing lots of other things too, but that was one of the things that I learned.
• 8:10
  And then I, you know, passed along to my patients.
• 8:13
  And it's still to this day, a process that I help my patients with.
• 8:18
  Wow. And so, that was before you had any babies.
• 8:21
  That was.
• 8:22
  Yes. Yes, I had I had three miscarriages, and then I had my oldest and then I had another miscarriage, second trimester between the first and second.
• 8:31
  And that was quite like, wow, that was a doozy because I thought I was past that.
• 8:36
  Right. And, you know.
• 8:39
  You just I, I.
• 8:41
  That was just such a traumatic one because, you know, we delivered her at home and then we went to the hospital like.
• 8:49
  I was. Carrying her to the hospital.
• 8:51
  It was it was really something.
• 8:54
  And you know what, Lauren, through that whole process, I, I feel like, still emotional about the nurses.
• 9:00
  They were like little angels.
• 9:02
  They were just, like, treating her like.
• 9:06
  Like she's a lot like, you know, can we take her?
• 9:09
  We want to go get her fingerprints and her, you know?
• 9:11
  You know, and I'm just like.
• 9:13
  Oh, my God. I'm just like one of.
• 9:15
  Those things that it's unfortunate that we have to go through these things.
• 9:19
  And also it's incredible the amount of compassion and love and understanding that other humans can bring to.
• 9:25
  Human and loss.
• 9:27
  And I feel like that's when I've been able to transfer over, not only in my pediatric practice, but also with women that I work with, just like being able to be comfortable to sort of sitting in that pain with somebody. Yes. Yeah.
• 9:40
  That's that's huge.
• 9:41
  Just that your understanding of that grief, I mean, you I bet you are just like the best pediatrician.
• 9:48
  I wish you were my nutrition when my kids were little because, you know, so much like about, like you said, about miscarriages and grief and clearly about, you know, kids health and just health in general.
• 10:01
  I mean, that's just, you know, find doctors like that, you know, so much.
• 10:07
  Can I ask how old you are?
• 10:08
  53. 53.
• 10:11
  That's awesome.
• 10:12
  And do you have you gone through menopause yet?
• 10:17
  Are you going through.
• 10:17
  I'm going through it.
• 10:19
  It's a.
• 10:20
  Fascinating ride. I'm going through it.
• 10:22
  I just started, like, I just started, So far, so good with me.
• 10:27
  What are you.
• 10:28
  Are you experiencing symptoms?
• 10:31
  All sorts of symptoms.
• 10:32
  It was pretty.
• 10:32
  Funny because when I first I, you know, a.
• 10:35
  Medical doctor.
• 10:36
  And though obviously this isn't my specialty, you know, women's health is not my specialty.
• 10:41
  Children's health is.
• 10:42
  However, I said. I'm the baby of five.
• 10:45
  So I said to my big sister, I was like, okay, what's up?
• 10:48
  Is this like a year or two?
• 10:49
  She's like, so like, this is like adolescence, right?
• 10:54
  This is this is years, right?
• 10:57
  This is a phase.
• 10:59
  And so I think that was my first thing.
• 11:00
  And then the next thing was super funny because all these symptoms started popping up, like all of a sudden I had eczema.
• 11:05
  I've never had asthma in my entire life.
• 11:07
  And one of my besties from med school is an OB guy, right?
• 11:10
  And so I went texting her.
• 11:11
  I'm like eczema too.
• 11:13
  She's like. Jack, I have like. Allergies.
• 11:16
  I started having like these type of allergy symptoms.
• 11:19
  She's like. Yep.
• 11:20
  Because estrogen is on every cell in the body.
• 11:24
  And so it can affect every system in the body.
• 11:27
  And that's where when I started interviewing, I, I've done some summits for women's and my coaching practice and interviewed some, holistic gynecologists.
• 11:39
  And one of them, you know, like she just really brought it home.
• 11:42
  And she's like, estrogen is on every cell of the body like it is a master important.
• 11:49
  Like I think of like queen estrogen.
• 11:51
  Like you get to have her. Right.
• 11:54
  So I knew pretty early on that, I needed help because I started having, so lots of illnesses, and I don't usually like, I'm usually someone who gets, like, a big illness.
• 12:06
  Maybe once a year, I'm kind of knocked over, and then I get back up and I started having a series of them, like back to back to back, and that's when I needed to go in, to my physician and be like, okay, I surrender, like.
• 12:18
  Give me the hormone.
• 12:20
  All right, let's start.
• 12:22
  And so we just started hormone replacement therapy, like really slow and growing.
• 12:27
  And even that's a wild roller coaster because I started learning the process.
• 12:31
  Like your hormones are going up and down during this phase so much.
• 12:36
  And you're trying to target hormones, right.
• 12:39
  So it's like trying to hit a moving target.
• 12:41
  It's really difficult, you know. Yeah.
• 12:44
  And so what kind of, are you doing vaginal.
• 12:49
  I'm to topical.
• 12:51
  Topical cream that has estrogen progesterone and testosterone in it.
• 12:57
  Okay.
• 12:57
  So it's like, formulated one based on.
• 13:01
  Like a compounded.
• 13:01
  A compounded. Medication.
• 13:04
  That's my old background.
• 13:06
  I used to, be the director of advertising for a compounding journal, so I only, you know, I just, like, I read tons about it, but even even everything, after everything I read, I still don't know where I'm going to land on it.
• 13:22
  But like I said, so far, so good.
• 13:22
  I haven't.
• 13:24
  Yeah, felt all the roller coasters, but I'm just getting started, so we'll see how it goes.
• 13:29
  But, I'm hoping I'm hoping that just because I've been eating a whole food plant based diet for like ten years, that hopefully that will, allegedly that's going to help.
• 13:39
  So we'll see. I'm in I'm in the process.
• 13:41
  But you know, I have my period right now after not having it for three months.
• 13:46
  So I'm like, oh God, is everything I do.
• 13:49
  That's the thing is just.
• 13:49
  Stay open and curious to what's possible, right?
• 13:53
  And then trying on things to see if it's a good fit for you or not, you know?
• 13:57
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 13:58
  So what are some of the things that you coach?
• 14:03
  Women through?
• 14:04
  What are the big things that women come to you for?
• 14:07
  Well, usually.
• 14:08
  I think of, you know, first of all, I think before I kind of get into the nitty gritty, I recently thought about how midlife is really similar to adolescence.
• 14:19
  It's a transitional phase. Right.
• 14:22
  And then I thought.
• 14:23
  Wouldn't that be nice if I had a coach when I was an adolescent, like.
• 14:26
  I felt.
• 14:27
  So uncomfy in my body, I felt just like ugly to not be able to see in a different way.
• 14:33
  Like I just felt all those emotions.
• 14:37
  And it's such a time where you're trying to figure out who are you and, you know, in terms of your own identity in the world and also relationships.
• 14:46
  Right.
• 14:47
  And I. Thought, you know what?
• 14:49
  I was kind of similar in that.
• 14:52
  You start to feel really uncomfy in your body, like you were so solid, like, this is who I and this is how I feel, you know what I'm saying?
• 14:58
  And all of a sudden things start changing.
• 15:01
  And I feel it's like this transition, where so many things can happen.
• 15:06
  So women come to me, for, you know, relationship transitions like either, I mean, women who have had, infidelity in the marriage, and having a hard time forgiving. Right.
• 15:22
  The marriage is still together, but having a hard time forgiving, or infidelity in the marriage.
• 15:27
  There's a divorce, and I've been stuck for ten years.
• 15:29
  Like I haven't started dating yet, right?
• 15:33
  And so lots of relationship things.
• 15:37
  Also relationships in terms of, like, kids.
• 15:40
  Like, I the most.
• 15:42
  Challenging kids are our greatest spiritual teachers.
• 15:45
  So life is a mirror.
• 15:47
  So basically, if you're having a challenging relationship, it's really a mirror back to yourself of something that you're not at peace and resolution at.
• 15:54
  Yeah. And so you get to kind of dig in and get curious about that.
• 15:57
  So we do a lot of that a lot of relationship things, including work related relationships.
• 16:03
  And. And kind of getting a big Like I remember one mama was working with and she felt really like people were out of integrity at work, like they were kind of doing other things rather than working.
• 16:14
  And she was like, that's totally out of the line of integrity.
• 16:16
  And so then the first question is where are you out of alignment with integrity, like so you always get to point the finger back at yourself. Yes.
• 16:24
  It's so true. I mean, yes. Okay.
• 16:27
  Keep going. Yeah. What did she say?
• 16:29
  But then it got so interesting.
• 16:33
  Like, I got deep, really quick and fun. But I.
• 16:35
  I said she gave. Me some answers and then I said. Who?
• 16:41
  You know, who married, who was out of integrity when you were growing up.
• 16:45
  And like, she immediately was like my dad.
• 16:47
  My dad was completely out of the line of integrity, you know, and she's still harboring like, because he I can't remember the specific situation.
• 16:55
  If he was cheating or lying to her mom.
• 16:58
  I think so, yeah. And, Yeah, she was still, like.
• 17:04
  Unresolved with all of that. Right.
• 17:06
  So coming to peace and resolution and when I said, like you would have seen like her eyeballs, she's like, oh my God, I need to go take a walk.
• 17:12
  Like, I've never thought about this before.
• 17:14
  So it's like the whole thing.
• 17:16
  Is around emotions.
• 17:18
  Like you're getting triggered with emotions, right?
• 17:20
  But all emotions are messengers.
• 17:22
  And so it's like, okay, what's the message of that?
• 17:25
  And also always looking back at yourself because you you're creating the emotion right by what you're focusing on and also the meaning you're creating from it.
• 17:37
  Right. And so just that ownership of it.
• 17:41
  So that's so interesting because, I mean, just her focus in life was just like, people are out of integrity.
• 17:49
  I mean, it's just crazy that that that you were able to pinpoint that so quickly with just with just those questions that you asked her.
• 17:58
  I find that fascinating.
• 17:59
  So is that kind of, something we should look at if we have, like, a real strong focus about something in our life, what should we be asking ourself.
• 18:10
  Okay.
• 18:11
  Well, one of my favorite questions to ask.
• 18:15
  Well I think.
• 18:15
  There's two when you're in a really like shit pile, like it feels very muddy and.
• 18:21
  Ugly shit pile.
• 18:25
  A great question to ask is what's great about this?
• 18:29
  What's great about this shit pile?
• 18:30
  Yeah.
• 18:31
  What's great about this?
• 18:32
  And you may not be able to do it right away, but through the process, right.
• 18:38
  It refocuses, it shifts your focus to instead of like, what's awful because what's wrong is always there, but what's right is there too.
• 18:50
  I'm writing this down.
• 18:51
  What's great about this shit pile?
• 18:54
  I'm not even joking because it's such a good question.
• 18:58
  And you're right.
• 18:58
  So, like, what's bad and what's good?
• 19:01
  And also it's your perception of it, right?
• 19:03
  I mean, I think that's what you're, you're getting.
• 19:05
  Yeah. It's a perception.
• 19:06
  And this is something I learned from Tony Robbins is, is someone I've learned a ton from.
• 19:12
  And that's one of the very first, you know, if you want to get unstuck, it's like one of the very first things you have.
• 19:18
  Like what's great about this?
• 19:20
  What's great about this is and then you just go on a riff because it immediately shifts your, your, your question.
• 19:28
  Because often what we get stuck in is this leap of like, we ask a shitty question.
• 19:33
  Which gives us shitty feelings.
• 19:35
  And then shitty, shitty results.
• 19:38
  Basically, to say it no other way, you just get.
• 19:41
  Stuck in this real circle versus, you know, like, I can think about, like when my daughter called me after like, quote unquote failing a test.
• 19:50
  Right.
• 19:52
  And, you know, she she's like, what if I don't pass tomorrow as, like, what if you do?
• 19:58
  What if you pass tomorrow?
• 20:00
  What if let's start focusing on that.
• 20:03
  Yeah.
• 20:03
  So it's just like.
• 20:04
  Shifting it because that's not a great question to ask.
• 20:08
  At this moment in time when you have you get to empower yourself to study and then past tomorrow.
• 20:13
  It's not an empowering question to say, what if you're just you're just focusing on the wrong target.
• 20:17
  You keep focusing on what's wrong, what's not going right.
• 20:22
  What if it goes right?
• 20:24
  Then what right to get your shift, your state.
• 20:28
  So you start piling on the good things.
• 20:30
  Well, actually I'm smart.
• 20:31
  I've been in this position before I've passed.
• 20:33
  You know, when I thought I was going to fail.
• 20:35
  Like, you start stacking all the good things and then you get a better result usually.
• 20:39
  And she did. She passed the next day.
• 20:41
  She did pass, you know, I want to keep going about this thing, about being stuck because I feel like a lot of people say they want to be unstuck, but they're really attached to it.
• 20:55
  Don't you feel like.
• 20:56
  And how do you get through to somebody who keeps saying, like, I really want to get move past this, whatever.
• 21:04
  If it's a divorce or a, you know, infidelity or, what are some other things people get stuck on, like just, you know, fights with friends or fighting with everybody, fighting with their boss, like, so what.
• 21:20
  I think, honey, I.
• 21:21
  Think the thing that really sort of loosens it, right?
• 21:24
  Because you're right, we do get stuck on our stories.
• 21:27
  Like we get stories and writing story, and that's all it is.
• 21:30
  It's just a story, you know?
• 21:33
  So to first, like, I always work, I love humor, you love humor.
• 21:38
  Humor is healing.
• 21:40
  And. Humor really, like, loosens the grip.
• 21:42
  I feel like it kind of loosens up a little bit.
• 21:45
  Right.
• 21:45
  And we start laughing at like how ridiculous this behavior is.
• 21:49
  Like, you have that behavior and guess what?
• 21:51
  I have that behavior often.
• 21:52
  I often share a personal story about how I've been in a similar situation, or like something that would really resonate and call me forward as like, this is just a pattern.
• 22:02
  It's not you, it's not who you are.
• 22:04
  This is just a pattern that you're stuck in. Right?
• 22:07
  And so seeing the pattern is the biggest thing like to reveal to that mother, you know, to that woman at the work that someone's out of integrity to take it all the way back and be like, how am I out of integrity with myself?
• 22:19
  And who mirror that then I'm stuck. Is that that is an awareness.
• 22:25
  Like now she's got she, now she sees the pattern.
• 22:28
  Right?
• 22:29
  And then the second part.
• 22:32
  Is you want to.
• 22:33
  Use. The pattern instead of the pattern using you.
• 22:36
  So often when I have a woman really stuck, I can think of another woman as coaching.
• 22:40
  She's just really stuck in a loveless marriage, right?
• 22:44
  And, you know, groups really help.
• 22:48
  I love group coaching because, you know, it allows other women to lovingly call her forward.
• 22:55
  Right? So it's not just me.
• 22:57
  I like you saying call her forward instead of call her out of.
• 23:01
  That collar forward.
• 23:03
  Collar forward, you know, and how she's playing victim like she's saying this, I'm like, this is happening to me.
• 23:10
  And instead. Like.
• 23:11
  I'm thinking about her, you know, and she she does have great humor.
• 23:16
  But thinking about her, I really said compassionately, I really care, like, I, I don't want you to be here anywhere.
• 23:22
  I want you to feel free, you know?
• 23:25
  And we are really connected.
• 23:26
  And she could really feel like, I really want you to feel free.
• 23:30
  And she said, I really do too, you know?
• 23:33
  So I think really connecting with the person that way, letting them know that you've been here, to calling them forward and really. The.
• 23:43
  Calling them forward in a way that like, this isn't all your fault.
• 23:47
  This is just a. Pattern, right?
• 23:49
  And if you I want you to be free.
• 23:50
  So if you want to be free to like, let's go and let's have fun with it was laugh at how fascinating we can be right?
• 23:58
  Yeah, I, I feel that that's, that's kind of a beautiful way.
• 24:04
  Is it? Is it?
• 24:06
  This is being stuck the same as not being able to let things go.
• 24:11
  Because I feel like I know several people.
• 24:16
  I feel like it's a little bit different.
• 24:18
  It's nuanced, maybe, but I feel like there's some people that just can't let things go.
• 24:25
  And, particularly I have somebody in mind who has a bad relationship with her mother.
• 24:33
  Her mother was not nice to her when she was younger, but her mother did some work on herself and, has really evolved.
• 24:43
  But yet this person still clings on to, the bad childhood.
• 24:50
  The, bad things that her mother did to her.
• 24:55
  And how do you let that go?
• 24:58
  One thing I would get curious about with her, like if she was here with us.
• 25:02
  I mean, first you have to have a great rapport.
• 25:04
  Like you got to establish rapport before you start.
• 25:06
  Sure.
• 25:09
  But I would say I'm just curious, you know, because everything that we're holding on to, we hold on to her for a reason.
• 25:17
  Like, what is it that you're gaining from this?
• 25:20
  And this is another lens that Tony Robbins taught me.
• 25:23
  We all share six human needs.
• 25:27
  The first need is the need for certainty that we're in control, that we can feel safe, that will feel more pleasure than pain.
• 25:34
  But if we're too certain, we'll get bored.
• 25:37
  So we also have the need for variety, like the spice of life.
• 25:40
  For things to be different, we have a need for significance, to be seen and heard, valued.
• 25:46
  We have a need for, love and connection like unconditioned, unconditional acceptance and also belonging.
• 25:54
  Right then we have a need for growth and contribution in like giving.
• 25:59
  And so I would ask her because again this is neutral, I'd say I'm super curious.
• 26:05
  Like which.
• 26:06
  Knee do you think you're fulfilling by continuing to keep your mom as like whatever the words she would use that.
• 26:16
  Which knee do you think you're fulfilling?
• 26:17
  Because I share that same knee, I may just fill it in a different way.
• 26:21
  So I'm just curious. Like, what mean do you think you're feeling?
• 26:24
  If you had an answer like, what's your best guess?
• 26:26
  I have one.
• 26:30
  I really don't know.
• 26:32
  Like, what do you think?
• 26:32
  What's your best?
• 26:33
  I think it would be certainty.
• 26:35
  Because a lot. Of times we stay stuck.
• 26:38
  And like you, do you ever have a friend who's like, not in a great marriage and they still stay in it and you're like, why are you still there?
• 26:46
  No, I, I.
• 26:48
  I say, I don't have that.
• 26:50
  I think that.
• 26:51
  People stay. In.
• 26:54
  Oh yeah, maybe. Even I do. Yeah.
• 26:56
  Not certainty situation for certainty.
• 27:00
  It sucks.
• 27:01
  But I'm, I know that it's going to suck going out.
• 27:05
  That's way too uncertain for me.
• 27:07
  Okay. You're right.
• 27:07
  Does that make sense. Yeah.
• 27:09
  So it might be some certainty in control, right.
• 27:12
  She might if she might actually get connection from it.
• 27:16
  It's not love. It's connection.
• 27:18
  So she actually feels connected when she's talking about it over and over again.
• 27:24
  Maybe connection with herself.
• 27:26
  Connection with her mother.
• 27:27
  It's an disempowering way, but it is connection.
• 27:30
  And with others, she might get significance.
• 27:33
  That's a big thing about people holding on to dis ease.
• 27:36
  Like I have this dis ease, right?
• 27:39
  And they get attached to these identities.
• 27:42
  Right.
• 27:42
  So it may give her some significance.
• 27:45
  So that would be like my best guess.
• 27:47
  So that would kind of be my angle because I would just say it's just a need.
• 27:51
  We all share that need.
• 27:52
  What would be another way that you could fill your need in whatever bucket she said?
• 27:56
  Does that make sense? Yeah.
• 27:59
  That's interesting.
• 28:00
  So, you know, it's interesting because when you talk about letting go, it, it's it's the kind of thing where you're like, just maybe, you know, try this or try that or try meditating or try being a different way.
• 28:15
  And I guess that's really not helpful because what you're getting at is you have to identify why you're holding on to that, or why you won't let go of that.
• 28:26
  What what are you getting from it?
• 28:26
  What are you.
• 28:29
  What are.
• 28:29
  You what do you gaining because you are gaining something otherwise, if you weren't gaining something, you would not be holding onto it.
• 28:37
  You're absolutely right.
• 28:38
  I mean, that's very smart to think about it that way.
• 28:41
  What?
• 28:41
  What do you think about how do you feel like women can rebuild their confidence if they feel like they've lost their confidence?
• 28:52
  Maybe they look different than they used to.
• 28:56
  Maybe they feel different than they used to.
• 28:59
  Maybe they don't feel is, you know, useful, like with their kids grown or how so how do you, feel like building confidence at this point in life is how can we rebuild?
• 29:15
  Yeah, I mean, it's something that I've really one of the statements that.
• 29:19
  I say.
• 29:20
  To myself every day is part of accountability for a leadership check in that I do.
• 29:24
  I say I am an authentic, confident, courageous woman.
• 29:29
  So I think one of the things is honestly saying it.
• 29:33
  Repeating it to yourself and to.
• 29:35
  Somebody else.
• 29:36
  I mean, I said that to somebody else.
• 29:38
  She's like, wow, you've been saying that.
• 29:39
  I've been saying that for 2 to 3 years now.
• 29:42
  It's got to have some effect.
• 29:43
  I know it's not all the. Effect, but that's got to have gained.
• 29:46
  Something because subconsciously I just keep telling myself I am an authentic, confident, courageous woman.
• 29:50
  I am right, I didn't feel when I started saying that I did not feel confident at all, really.
• 29:57
  And I think confidence, which surprised a lot of people, like people think like I have certain creds, so I should naturally be confident.
• 30:05
  But I think confidence, like I've learned a lot, about the difference between three that book worthy, Jamie Kern, that name.
• 30:18
  That's a great book.
• 30:19
  It deciphers between, worthiness and confidence.
• 30:24
  And I realized I was getting them.
• 30:24
  All mushed.
• 30:27
  Together like, I, I am born worthy.
• 30:31
  I'm worthy because I'm born.
• 30:33
  And really owning that worthiness versus confidence is external.
• 30:39
  Like worthiness is internal.
• 30:41
  But you don't have to do anything to be worthy.
• 30:43
  Like, I am worthy, I am, I value because I'm here in this world.
• 30:47
  Right?
• 30:48
  Confidence is more external, like you have some skill sets and with repetition you get good at it.
• 30:55
  And so it builds your confidence around it and competency and it becomes a thing.
• 31:00
  So to me. I like to say.
• 31:03
  Like if you're building your confidence in something like I'm thinking another woman that I coach, she has a skill set and but she's not confident in using it yet.
• 31:13
  So the way that I help her build her confidence is, like, start small, like, start with safe people, right?
• 31:19
  So I said, how about her?
• 31:21
  Like another woman in our in our coaching circle?
• 31:24
  I was like, how about her? She's like, okay.
• 31:26
  Can I have your number? Like, you know, so then it's safe.
• 31:29
  So you want we have this need for safety, right?
• 31:32
  So it's like just expanded a little bit.
• 31:35
  So like yeah you're not comfortable, but like can you expand your bubble a little bit, you know, and put her in there and test out your skill sets.
• 31:43
  Because she's really good and. She's gotten feedback.
• 31:46
  And then you kind of expand it, you know, more and more.
• 31:49
  So I would say that's like with a skill set, like that's definitely how you increase confidence with the whole body thing, I gotta admit, like, I am.
• 31:57
  Still I'm still in the throes of that.
• 32:03
  It's a really tough one.
• 32:06
  And I think my personal experiences with it is that.
• 32:12
  There's just so.
• 32:13
  Much external coming at us about what it means to be a beautiful, radiant, you know, as you say, badass woman or mother.
• 32:22
  Right? It's like.
• 32:24
  And so what. I've chosen to. Do.
• 32:29
  Is pick someone and I've chosen Goldie Hawn.
• 32:33
  You know, Goldie Hawn.
• 32:34
  Yes. My God, I love her. Yes.
• 32:38
  I just think she is a.
• 32:39
  Radiant. Woman.
• 32:43
  She shows me like she's soft, like she's not some, like, ripped woman.
• 32:48
  I mean, she's totally.
• 32:50
  Soft and and full.
• 32:53
  And. Happy.
• 32:55
  And radiant, and I just.
• 32:57
  I keep picturing her, you know?
• 32:59
  I obviously don't know anything about her personally.
• 33:02
  Right?
• 33:03
  I think she's had some, like, happiness, yoga, meditation, like.
• 33:07
  Yeah, but I don't really know a lot.
• 33:09
  But I can just sense from her.
• 33:11
  Like she's happy and to me, my assumption of that or my hallucination is like she's happy because she's accepting of it.
• 33:23
  And so for me, especially with the.
• 33:25
  Physical.
• 33:27
  Confidence, to me, it comes through a lot of acceptance of what is and expanding my definition of like what is beautiful, what is radiant, you know?
• 33:38
  Yeah, the muscle tone is not quite the.
• 33:41
  Same as it used to be.
• 33:43
  And also doesn't. Matter.
• 33:46
  Is it important?
• 33:47
  Can you be happy even if you're not able to gain that back?
• 33:50
  Right? Is it a loss or is it a gain?
• 33:53
  Like one of the things I, I lost is makeup.
• 33:56
  Like the makeup I used to wear eye makeup and I started reacting to it again, like this is a new symptom of.
• 34:05
  And I was like, are you kidding me?
• 34:06
  All I want is a.
• 34:06
  Little eye makeup. You know?
• 34:10
  And I feel I feel like midlife just keeps.
• 34:13
  Pulling off the mask.
• 34:15
  It just it keeps it's like, are you still worthy even without that makeup?
• 34:20
  Of course I am.
• 34:21
  Like, can you still be confident without, you know, now I'm like, okay, I've got this mascara, which is all my girls wear.
• 34:26
  By the way, we were saying yesterday, I was like, I aspire to be you because you look radiant and beautiful with just mascara on, you know?
• 34:32
  And I'm like, that's what I'm going for now. And midlife.
• 34:35
  And and.
• 34:36
  You are, my gosh, you are radiant and beautiful.
• 34:39
  Oh thank you.
• 34:40
  Yes I feel like re. So in terms of feeling more confident, starting small, gaining and also redefining redefining.
• 34:52
  That's right.
• 34:55
  So redefining and definitely accepting just more acceptance.
• 35:01
  Yeah I mean you can't compare yourself to 25 year olds.
• 35:06
  I love that you're looking to, older women because I asked that question to sometimes like who do you admire for the way they're aging and gold.
• 35:15
  Goldie. Is a gold standard.
• 35:18
  She really is.
• 35:19
  Is she?
• 35:20
  Do other do other people call out Goldie Hawn?
• 35:22
  I don't think anybody ever has the wow.
• 35:25
  Most people say not.
• 35:27
  I mean, a lot of people have said Jane Fonda and Jane Goodall, which is really, interesting.
• 35:34
  Yeah, yeah.
• 35:35
  And I love that.
• 35:37
  I once, we ended up in this fancy hotel by accident.
• 35:42
  It was a really long story, but I had little I had babies, so I know, I know exactly.
• 35:47
  It was, 31 years ago. Wow.
• 35:50
  So her kids were little, like.
• 35:52
  And my husband, I had just.
• 35:54
  I had, like, a six week old baby and like, 18 month old, I was up in the room, I was probably nursing somebody, and he's like, he was in the gym.
• 36:01
  And he's like, go downstairs right now, Goldie Hawn's on the treadmill.
• 36:05
  And I was like, no, no way, no stop.
• 36:07
  And I, I ran down, I waddled down to the, like like I was going to be working.
• 36:13
  I wasn't even cleared to work out yet.
• 36:15
  I was just like walking on the treadmill.
• 36:17
  I got next door and I'm walking on the thing.
• 36:19
  And our kids, you know, Oliver and, Three.
• 36:23
  Kate. Yeah. Kate Hudson.
• 36:25
  They were like, they were kids, you know, or teenagers or whatever.
• 36:28
  And they were like, running around in there and like, it was she was just reduced to a mom.
• 36:33
  They were like, mom, I need a snack.
• 36:35
  And she's like, okay, go get money out of my bra.
• 36:37
  Like it was. I was like, all right, you know what?
• 36:40
  She's just like a mom on a treadmill.
• 36:41
  I didn't say one word to her either, because I was like, I'm not bothering this lady.
• 36:45
  That's so fun.
• 36:46
  What a funny story line.
• 36:47
  Yes. I mean, she was just like a mom.
• 36:50
  She's like, all right, go get money out of my mom.
• 36:54
  The kids will really reduce you down to the lowest common.
• 36:59
  Denominator, right?
• 37:01
  And what a gift.
• 37:02
  What a gift that is for.
• 37:04
  It is a gift.
• 37:05
  You know, as a matter of fact, speaking of moms, I took your quiz on your.
• 37:10
  Oh, yeah, which I had, I got, what do you think I got?
• 37:17
  Can you guess so?
• 37:19
  I don't know, I really I mean, obviously you're very inspirational.
• 37:23
  I also feel a lot of giver from you. The.
• 37:27
  I got inspirational.
• 37:29
  You did.
• 37:29
  Yeah, I got I probably could have gone either way, but I got inspirational.
• 37:34
  Mama.
• 37:34
  So her quiz is on your.
• 37:36
  What's your website, doctor?
• 37:38
  Sue mccready.com. Okay. See you.
• 37:41
  And you'll put the link.
• 37:42
  Yeah, yeah I'll put it in the.
• 37:44
  And it's a fun it's a fun, quiz today I love quizzes everybody does.
• 37:49
  But it says inspiration. Mama.
• 37:50
  Show up with genuine love for everyone you encounter from your long time partner to the new barista at the coffee shop. Well, that's, I'm an inspirational mama.
• 38:00
  And like you.
• 38:01
  Always like you are making friends everywhere I am.
• 38:04
  I make friends everywhere. It's so fun.
• 38:08
  It's just fine to me. Yeah. Why?
• 38:10
  Why wouldn't you?
• 38:11
  I mean, I love that, you also, I saw, that you do like tarot and numerology.
• 38:19
  I love that.
• 38:20
  I love any zoo, I love it. Oh, yeah? Yeah.
• 38:23
  It's so fun.
• 38:24
  How did you learn to do.
• 38:26
  Such a. Wild introduction?
• 38:28
  Lauren?
• 38:29
  Like, I okay, this is what happened with tarot.
• 38:31
  The thing for me is I just stay open.
• 38:33
  I try to stay open and non-judgmental because I feel like, you know, God sends me on a wild ride sometimes.
• 38:40
  So I was in Asheville, Asheville, North Carolina.
• 38:44
  Yeah, I was in Asheville.
• 38:47
  And we are hours and I get away with my husband for the weekend, and we were just wandering through stores.
• 38:52
  Have you ever walk into a store that just lights you up?
• 38:54
  I literally got my camera out and I was like, videoing it for one of my friends.
• 38:57
  So I was like, you're going to go nuts.
• 38:59
  In a store, you know, like I'm videoing no event.
• 39:02
  And I am drawn to this back corner and I'm drawn to this deck and it says tarot on it.
• 39:07
  And I'm like, well, I've heard of tarot, but I don't really know what that is.
• 39:10
  But I was just like, I've got to have this deck.
• 39:13
  So I got it.
• 39:15
  Now I'm at home with a deck of cards and I'm like, I don't even.
• 39:18
  Know what this is, but they're really pretty pictures.
• 39:21
  And so I just kind of followed the breadcrumbs and I ended up taking a, both a tarot certification and a numerology certification, which is like the study of numbers because there's a lot of overlap between the two of them.
• 39:34
  And now the way that I think of tarot, like, if you're listening, you're like, what is tarot?
• 39:38
  It started out as like a deck of playing cards back in the day.
• 39:41
  And then now what?
• 39:43
  How I use them is really to tap into the subconscious like an inkblot, like a psychologist uses an influence as you see the inkblot.
• 39:51
  What do you. See?
• 39:52
  Right. Everybody see something different.
• 39:55
  And the reason for that is that, you know, from personal development, the thing is, is that you wanted you most of your thoughts and feelings, habits, and therefore results are driven by your subconscious.
• 40:10
  You're not even consciously aware of these patterns.
• 40:13
  And so if you're just like I said, you know, I am an authentic, confident, courageous woman.
• 40:19
  Like that's like speaking to my conscious mind, right?
• 40:21
  Like you could say that to your blue in the face.
• 40:23
  But if underneath you're like, you're a ship, I'll use shark and you're fat.
• 40:28
  Like, I don't know, whatever you would say to yourself, right?
• 40:30
  Like then you're not going.
• 40:34
  To feel like, you know, authentic courage.
• 40:36
  Just love it.
• 40:37
  Whatever the language is that.
• 40:39
  You use for yourself. Right?
• 40:41
  So you really need to get into the subconscious thoughts and feelings, you know, to to shift the pattern and get different results.
• 40:49
  So that's how I use the tarot.
• 40:51
  I use the tarot as like, look at this and what do you see?
• 40:54
  You can use the tarot in a lot of ways in terms of numerology.
• 41:00
  Your birth date, I'll just take my birth date.
• 41:02
  I was born on March 8th, 1972.
• 41:05
  You can add up each of the numbers like old arithmetic.
• 41:09
  You get 30 and three plus zero is three.
• 41:12
  So in numerology I'm a three, which is a very expansive number.
• 41:16
  I think one plus one is two, but then you go three.
• 41:19
  We just made a family life.
• 41:21
  Usually three is a very expansive number.
• 41:24
  And three in the tarot is the Empress.
• 41:28
  So the tarot uses archetypes and archetypes are just be patterns of behavior again, that we all hold in us, but some of us tend towards certain ways.
• 41:41
  Just like with my personality quiz, it's like you, you know, you have inspirational and give out.
• 41:47
  You also have visionary and detail, but probably not to the same extent.
• 41:51
  Right?
• 41:51
  And so in the same sense, like we all have these archetypes.
• 41:55
  And so a way to work with them is just, you know, asking like look at the Empress, you know, well, the Empress have to say for this or the first time I saw the Empress card, I was like, wow, this is me.
• 42:06
  Like, I just is like, it's just gives a.
• 42:08
  Visual representation of, wow, she's a beauty.
• 42:13
  She's a queen, mama.
• 42:14
  Right?
• 42:15
  Like she's abundant, she's very earthy.
• 42:18
  And you just for me, it's just a way for to help moms ground.
• 42:24
  But to give you a kind of a tangible thing.
• 42:27
  Like, I was in a group coaching and a mom popped in and in ten minutes with the tarot, she came in with, you know, her mother just being diagnosed with a terminal illness and all disrupt because the mother's in another country and she's here with her family and like.
• 42:43
  The whole.
• 42:43
  That's where we are in midlife, right?
• 42:45
  We've got family raising and also parents aging.
• 42:48
  And so she was just spinning and within ten minutes of like asking some concrete questions, but also showing her some tarot.
• 42:56
  Right?
• 42:58
  It was like it was also pouring down rain.
• 43:00
  And by the end it was like silence.
• 43:02
  The rain had gone away outside and she was just like, I feel peaceful, I feel clearer, centered.
• 43:07
  I know what we're doing moving forward, right?
• 43:09
  And I. Was like.
• 43:10
  Okay, like something like that is just it's quick because it's a visionary thing.
• 43:16
  It's separated from me.
• 43:18
  It's not like me telling her, it's like her discovering it, if that makes sense.
• 43:22
  And I think that is all the difference.
• 43:25
  Yeah.
• 43:26
  So I guess between your quiz, you know, you like archetypes and patterns.
• 43:31
  See that it's. Yeah.
• 43:32
  It helps you define and maybe break free.
• 43:36
  And you know so are you, are you saying so I guess when you do tarot you lay the deck out and you just pick a card or several cards.
• 43:48
  And is that your subconscious?
• 43:50
  Is that what. You're so.
• 43:52
  So sometimes do I do it?
• 43:53
  How how I usually do it with the tarot through the group coaching program is that I'm anchoring us around the the numbers.
• 44:01
  Right.
• 44:01
  So we're in the year 2025 right now.
• 44:04
  Two plus two plus five is nine nine.
• 44:06
  In the tarot is the hermit.
• 44:08
  So I'll look.
• 44:08
  We'll look at the hermit card. Right.
• 44:11
  And we'll just start talking about like what do you see. Right.
• 44:13
  The hermit is wise.
• 44:13
  The hermit is elevated on the mountaintop.
• 44:16
  You know, the hermit is the light, you know, shining light outwards.
• 44:20
  So anchoring that and then the month every month changes, right?
• 44:24
  So right now we're in a seven energy month.
• 44:28
  And so the seven is the chariot. Right.
• 44:31
  So now you're putting the the hermit with the chariot.
• 44:34
  And so you can start making connections.
• 44:36
  And for me that's just an anchoring process to be like this is the energy that we're in.
• 44:41
  Which is why I was so intrigued about tarot numerology.
• 44:45
  I was like, this is a pattern because you're right, I love patterns.
• 44:48
  Like if you can see a pattern, you can decide whether you want to use the pattern or like not use the pattern, right?
• 44:54
  But if you can't even see it, you can't even enter into that flow.
• 44:57
  So to me, I was like, oh my gosh, are there patterns happening?
• 45:00
  Like there's numbers like what's going on here?
• 45:02
  Because I used to be one of those people who would see like 1112225, five, five, right.
• 45:07
  So I started getting interested in those numbers.
• 45:10
  But I'd always have to like go to a book and be like five, five, five means this, right?
• 45:14
  And so to me, I was like, well, maybe there's more for me to understand about these patterns.
• 45:19
  And if so, like, how can I help me write?
• 45:22
  And also how can I help the women that I work with?
• 45:26
  Oh man, I love that.
• 45:29
  That's so it is.
• 45:30
  It's so grounding in centering I like that.
• 45:33
  What other what what haven't we talked about that you think we should talk about.
• 45:39
  Or anything else.
• 45:42
  There's one more thing that I would like to share.
• 45:44
  It can leave you with another question that I ask myself that's been super grounding.
• 45:49
  So. Often.
• 45:51
  Like, I, it's so much so like my kids now are like, mom, you know, what you're going to say?
• 45:56
  Or even my clients.
• 45:57
  Are like, I know what you're going to say.
• 45:59
  And the question is that.
• 46:01
  You can ask yourself is, what would love do?
• 46:06
  What would love do?
• 46:09
  Because my sense is that naturally we are loving beings and that is our natural state.
• 46:18
  That is our natural way.
• 46:20
  And that's why it feels so yucky and so terrible when we're not in a loving state, which we all go through different states, right?
• 46:27
  Whether we're fearful or drained or depleted or depressed or angry or like whatever.
• 46:32
  So ask in these situations that can be difficult or challenging, right?
• 46:38
  What would love do.
• 46:40
  And see what answers bubbles to the surface?
• 46:42
  Because love, like love would sometimes like, I'm going to go sit in the grass and look up at the sky because I just need to, like, blank out for a moment.
• 46:49
  Sometimes that's what love would do.
• 46:51
  Sometimes love would like throw down fierce boundaries, be like, this is not okay with me.
• 46:55
  I need to have a conversation with this person.
• 46:58
  Like that's what love would do, right?
• 47:00
  Sometimes love would just keep their mouth shut.
• 47:06
  So I always love to start with that question because I think people naturally know the answer.
• 47:12
  And if we're if they're really in an open to self-development right, they'll give you what it is and that's you.
• 47:19
  It's usually a brilliant answer.
• 47:21
  Any way better than anything I could come up with.
• 47:24
  Oh my gosh, that's such a good I love that.
• 47:28
  What would love do?
• 47:29
  What was it?
• 47:29
  So if you're if you're feeling like you're in a situation, it may be like we talked about, you're stuck or you're having a hard time letting things go.
• 47:38
  I mean, would you first ask that question before you, before you said, to yourself, what am I gaining from this?
• 47:46
  Would you say we're like, would you do that in.
• 47:50
  That's a great question.
• 47:51
  I've never thought about it.
• 47:53
  Sometimes I think it can be quite hard to figure out what's great about this if you're in, like, a sucky state.
• 47:59
  So I'm probably asking.
• 48:01
  Asking like.
• 48:02
  What would love do?
• 48:04
  Since your state is naturally loving.
• 48:06
  And by the way, you can also facilitate this by helping your body get into a a loving state.
• 48:13
  So for you that may be like going for a walk, sitting in nature, meditating, yeah.
• 48:20
  Listening to some fun music, dancing.
• 48:23
  Something that really puts your physiology in a loving state before asking the question what would love do?
• 48:30
  That's right.
• 48:31
  So what's your best piece of advice for aging? Well I would definitely say laugh more.
• 48:38
  Yes, that's a good one.
• 48:40
  I would definitely say laugh more.
• 48:42
  Like just laugh like, can you find the situation funny?
• 48:45
  So this is a funny story.
• 48:47
  We're getting ready for date night.
• 48:49
  And so I was like, we're trying to put on some clothes that were just not fitting.
• 48:54
  Lauren. Right. I'm just, like, not feeling pretty.
• 48:57
  Right? And and then I went to go put the boots on, and.
• 49:02
  I could not zip the boots up like.
• 49:06
  Nice. Like, my calves have expanded.
• 49:09
  In this. Moment in time. Right.
• 49:11
  So I is I, I was like.
• 49:13
  Normally I would start crying.
• 49:16
  I think that would be my go to.
• 49:17
  I would just like start crying because I just feel like so sad.
• 49:20
  I don't know, it's that time.
• 49:23
  I literally I just like half of them up.
• 49:26
  And then I was like, here I. Am, baby.
• 49:28
  Like, you know, I was like, do I, I don't, I like so yeah, they have it smooth and then I like laid on the bed and then he helps me like yank them off.
• 49:40
  And then I went, I was like, I'm done.
• 49:41
  I'm putting on comfy jeans and flats and we're going, we're going out and I and we had a great time.
• 49:48
  And there was like live music.
• 49:48
  And it was fun.
• 49:50
  But I was like.
• 49:52
  Yeah, we just kind of laugh more, you know?
• 49:55
  I think that's that's pretty good advice.
• 49:57
  Do you what's the best piece of advice anybody's ever given you?
• 50:05
  Well, I definitely.
• 50:08
  Love, like, what would love do because I, I learned that from another.
• 50:12
  Yeah, that that is definitely, And I don't know that this is advice more so of just like showing me.
• 50:20
  But my parents, they at the time of this recording are 90 and 92 and they've been married for 69 years.
• 50:28
  Oh my gosh that's incredible.
• 50:30
  It's incredible.
• 50:31
  Like their love story is quite incredible.
• 50:33
  And as you can imagine, it's gone through so many phases and it's in its last phase right now.
• 50:39
  And I think the biggest thing that I've really learned from them is what unconditional love is.
• 50:49
  Because it's so it's it's I've seen it like wax and wane in so many different parts of their life and journey.
• 50:57
  Right.
• 50:58
  And even to these final stages.
• 51:01
  It's pretty humbling.
• 51:03
  And yeah, it's just it's beautiful to witness of like what really unconditional acceptance is and, and how challenging that can be even in the very last stages of physical life.
• 51:16
  Yeah.
• 51:17
  Are are you with your original husband.
• 51:21
  Is this your.
• 51:22
  Yeah. He's been one point. Oh okay.
• 51:25
  And so yeah.
• 51:28
  And do you credit a lot of that to you seeing your parents through all these stages.
• 51:35
  I credit them to really helping me know what is love and how to be loved, like how to love and how to be loved, because that is really where, you know, that's what psychology teaches us.
• 51:49
  That's where we learn.
• 51:50
  We learn how to love and how to be loved from our caretakers.
• 51:54
  And so unconditionally loved us.
• 51:57
  Absolutely. Unconditionally loved us.
• 52:00
  Are they. Perfect.
• 52:01
  Hack to the no, they're not American.
• 52:03
  But unconditionally. Loving? Yes.
• 52:06
  And so knowing that like I've had my share, you know, like I had a a growth opportunity relationship in college.
• 52:15
  I just say that.
• 52:17
  That was not I, I knew like, this is not unconditional love.
• 52:23
  This is not what I want. Right.
• 52:26
  It was painful just to let it go and everything because I wanted it to be something that it just clearly wasn't.
• 52:32
  But I credit that, like, I knew like a pattern.
• 52:35
  Right? Like it's a pattern.
• 52:36
  Again, it's like, this is not that so?
• 52:40
  And when I met my husband, I was like, this is that this is. Yes.
• 52:44
  Yes. That's a very good way to put it because they teach you, you know what love is like you said, I feel like I really learned that from from my husband.
• 52:56
  Like, I know now what it's like to be fully, wholly, completely loved in the right way.
• 53:03
  You know, I really feel that that he's been that.
• 53:07
  And so, God forbid anything ever happens to him there.
• 53:10
  I feel like good luck. Next guy.
• 53:13
  You know, I don't know if there can be, seriously.
• 53:18
  And I think that's so beautiful.
• 53:20
  Are your parents?
• 53:21
  What kind of are they living.
• 53:24
  There in Ypsilanti? Yep.
• 53:26
  They're in a skilled nursing facility now and again, like, surrounded by angels.
• 53:31
  Like, I look at those caretakers, they are angels.
• 53:35
  They are angels.
• 53:37
  Yeah.
• 53:38
  Just really taking care of them to the end.
• 53:41
  Calling us with any little changes. Right.
• 53:44
  But keeping us in the loop because we none of us live close.
• 53:47
  So we're all a plane ride away.
• 53:50
  So. Yeah.
• 53:52
  Oh, now it's like there's such a is so interesting, Laura.
• 53:54
  And like, this big, huge expanse of life.
• 53:57
  They're in one room now.
• 53:59
  We just recently moved them.
• 54:01
  So they're. Together.
• 54:02
  And so they're.
• 54:03
  Together in, in the kind of like a double room with a little divider.
• 54:08
  Like their whole world is.
• 54:10
  A physical world is right in this room now.
• 54:14
  And that was such, such a process.
• 54:17
  Yeah.
• 54:18
  To witness and bear witness to and how each of them went through that so differently.
• 54:23
  Right.
• 54:24
  That's really that's really tough.
• 54:27
  Are they both, cognitively there.
• 54:30
  Yeah absolutely.
• 54:32
  I think that might make it even harder in some ways.
• 54:35
  Some ways I think so I do agree with that.
• 54:37
  Yeah.
• 54:37
  It's a real process of, of acceptance.
• 54:39
  And that's what I was saying to my dad I we have you know I was like wow, we do not stop learning or I say like sculpting our souls until we are.
• 54:49
  Physically. Not here anymore.
• 54:52
  Like he is still there.
• 54:55
  Both are like still learning, still, you know, personally developing as we say.
• 55:02
  Right. Wow.
• 55:04
  Isn't that incredible.
• 55:08
  Well let's end on a fun question.
• 55:10
  What's your favorite concert you've ever been to?
• 55:12
  Oh my God, no.
• 55:15
  So many.
• 55:16
  I don't know if I could pick one, but.
• 55:17
  The most recent one is a show.
• 55:19
  I went to the MJ MJ show on Broadway.
• 55:22
  I took my girls.
• 55:24
  Oh Michael Jackson.
• 55:25
  Michael Jackson and. J show.
• 55:27
  Oh yeah, and I would.
• 55:29
  Say one that was in Las Vegas because they used to.
• 55:33
  Give way because because it's also in London.
• 55:36
  So I think it's, it's and I would say.
• 55:40
  I was.
• 55:40
  Sitting in that show going, I wish I could have seen Michael Jackson in concert.
• 55:44
  Could you imagine like, wow, I would just love to see Michael Jackson.
• 55:49
  But my favorite part of that is thriller.
• 55:52
  Like, it's still. To like.
• 55:53
  Like, do you remember when thriller came out?
• 55:55
  Yeah.
• 55:56
  It was. Like an event and we walked. Out.
• 55:58
  Thriller was by far.
• 56:00
  I just sat there.
• 56:00
  I was like, they know nothing.
• 56:03
  They put everything on the floor.
• 56:05
  They just.
• 56:05
  They just put it all there.
• 56:07
  And I was just blown away.
• 56:10
  And we walked out and my daughter was like, that's so cool.
• 56:12
  You lived when like Thriller Life came out.
• 56:16
  I was like, it was a national event.
• 56:18
  Yeah.
• 56:19
  It was like, it's going to be like, you're going to sit down, turn on the television and watch thriller.
• 56:25
  And yeah, I would definitely say, I guess you can't say that's a concert.
• 56:28
  I could say I really want to go to that concert with that.
• 56:31
  That's the most recent. Just mind blowing.
• 56:35
  The whole audience, the.
• 56:36
  Feeling of it all. Is just like, oh.
• 56:39
  I wish I could do that every day.
• 56:39
  Every weekend.
• 56:41
  Oh, that's so. Funny.
• 56:43
  You know, it's funny because that had not come up before, but I think last week's guest, well, by the time your thing airs, it won't be last week's guest, but, Gigi Carter, somebody I just interviewed, said that her best concert was when she went to see the Jackson victory tour.
• 57:01
  And she did see that. Yeah. Wow.
• 57:04
  So she just said that.
• 57:05
  That's funny. Interesting, I love that. Yeah.
• 57:08
  I have to find.
• 57:08
  Out what a.
• 57:10
  Performer or anyone listening to that.
• 57:12
  I highly recommend this show.
• 57:13
  I mean, it's, you know, it's just like if you want to see, like, Michael Jackson routine, a routine routine.
• 57:19
  Which to me, I was like, that's what I'm here for.
• 57:21
  Very. Yeah. It was awesome.
• 57:23
  Oh, good.
• 57:24
  Well, thank you so much, doctor Sue.
• 57:27
  You're a just a love I love you give us so much good information.
• 57:32
  Oh. You're just.
• 57:33
  Yes, yes.
• 57:34
  Thank you for sharing with us today.
• 57:36
  Thank you for having me by.
• 57:39
  Thanks for listening, friend.
• 57:41
  From my heart to yours.
• 57:43
  Be well. Until we meet again.