Latest / Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast / Put Down Your Phone and Wash Your Ass: Dating Advice Nobody Asked For | Advice Line 2 | Pillow Fort Sessions EP 41

Transcript

Put Down Your Phone and Wash Your Ass: Dating Advice Nobody Asked For | Advice Line 2 | Pillow Fort Sessions EP 41 · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Around the Kinky Campfire.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Grab a seat, pour a drink and let's turn up the heat.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: This is the podcast where we explore the wild, wonderful and sometimes wicked world of kink, bdsm and alternative lifestyles.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Whether you're a seasoned player, a curious newbie or just here for the stories, we've got something for you.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: Join us on Thursdays on your favorite podcast platform as we share experiences, dive into deep discussions and maybe spark a little fire of your own.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: No shame, no judgment, just real talk around the Kinky Campfire.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Let's get lit.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of the Cracklin' Campfire, the Bonafide Bonfire, or Around the Kinky Campfire, the Pillowfort Sessions.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: This is your enthusiastic host, your honorable host, your hellacious host.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: I don't even know Alliteration there is failing me today, but I am your host, the Cuddle Gigolo, fresno, bob, colonel McBee, senior Talker, knuckle or HH, julius or just Julius, and I'm here today for another Pillow Force session to give you another advice line, a different opinions, or more opinions, I guess, on different topics.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: There you go More opinions on different topics.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Ran out of time last time to go over the general topics that I like to talk about Because, as you know, the Pillfort sessions started off more specific, got granular and scientific on some specific areas over the last year.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: So this year I'm trying to get more general and more opinionated and I'm starting very broad with the topics I wanted to talk about on my opinion journey and now I'm getting to cover some more, because I didn't get to cover all of them last time, which is very interesting.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: I thought I would get to more topics than I did in that amount of time, but it looks like I can ramble uh better as the years go along.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: So here we go, advice line number two.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: But before we get to that point, as we know, we have our asmr five minutes, one minute, 30 seconds, five seconds.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: It just keeps going down, but we'll see how long it goes.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Right now I'm drinking a non-sponsored.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: Actually, last time I was drinking um.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: This is the second bottle the soju that I was drinking before and still not sponsored this time either.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: And going through bottle number two right now, it is actually pretty delicious.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: I got it in a fancy glass and I'm very happy with how it's going.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: I don't have a lot of experience with soju, but I do enjoy me a good cold soju.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: It's a very delicious.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: But here we go with the ASMR five seconds.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: We'll see how long it goes in.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: Three, two, one.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's so cold.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: That's a huge chunk of ice in there.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: I don't even know how long that was, but it was delicious.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: Not sponsored, but I will sponsor the sojus, I will sponsor the sours, I will sponsor the seltzers.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: What's the other Japanese one, the warm sake?
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: I will sponsor that.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: Put it in a glass.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Put it in a glass, put it in a little sake, cube, wooden cube, old school way.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Have a warm, oh yeah, warm alcohol.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Oh boy, it takes some getting used to, but I am used to it and it is delicious.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: So anybody want to sponsor us, especially alcohol.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: We're very happy to take that here.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: Okay, so on to the advice line that we have going on here, advice line number two.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: If you did not catch it last time, I talked about some things are a relationship, anarchy, growth failing gloriously, dick size is not mattering, and some fixes, yada, yada, yeah.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: So I will go over some more fixes at the end, but, but for now we are going to talk about different topics.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Okay, so one thing that I've learned recently is that quote-unquote men and quote-unquote women communicate in a different way.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: So we need to have a distinction and that women quote-unquote women you we are queer supporters and queer positive here, I being on the queer spectrum myself but there is a difference, you know, biologically.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: The smart people have researched and tested that, even down to the genetics, men and women are biologically different.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: So we're just going to talk about generalities now, because we got to talk to a bunch of different people.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: You can comment and have your opinions, that you what you will, but I've researched this and also the smart people have put it in actual studies.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: They've experimented with this stuff on the genetic level.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: So there's that.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: And then also, like American society, which I'm going to assume most people, I mean can understand, are from America.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: Most people, I mean, are from America.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: We are raised here in specific ways and gender norms that men and women are raised differently.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: In general, women are taught to socialize better and also to have some more emotional salience or just speak more with their emotions and have empathy and be able to relate that to other people, present that to other people, however you want to put it.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: But men not so much.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: It's just I don't want to say not in our nature.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: It's not how we're raised to let our emotions lead our actions and how we talk.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: We have to be taught that later in life, but first we have to be made aware of it and it kind of sucked and I say we because most of the time I present as male, but I was raised as a boy in America and emotional empathy and like being able to speak about your emotions and also display those emotions was not really taught to me.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: It was like you're either good, happy or mad, that's it.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Happy, mad we weren't talking about sadness or depression, just feeling low in general and then being able to express that good, happy or mad, that's it.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: Happy, mad we were talking about sadness or, uh, depression, um, just feeling low in general and then being able to express that, no, we just we have, we have to like, do so.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: You end up doing something like, uh, using your hands to do stuff.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: We got to fix stuff.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: That's how we were taught or just be mad about it.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, you fix it, or you're you're renovating and you're doing the demolitions, or you're building it up.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: One other thing you're demolishing or you're building, that's it.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: You tell us there's a problem.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Even if it's not a problem, we got to go talk.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: What's Sheila at the office doing that.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: She's talking to you and just not being conducive.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: We hate Sheila at the office, but you know what?
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: We can't do anything about that.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: But later that, but later in life, and especially with social media, we're realizing that people need to be able to rant, just display their emotions without any kind of um action being done.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: You just got to get the emotions out of there.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: You got it emotions trapped in the body and then we got to get them out.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: This is a big thing, um, guys are not taught this.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: I think it's pretty common knowledge now that when women get together, they converse and they talk about emotions.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: When guys get together, we just let go do stuff, get drunk, and then we, you know.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: You know talking shit could be one of the things, but emotions is not something guys talk about.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: And as somebody that was raised a boy and then having to have relationships with mostly women, I come to realize pretty quickly or not pretty quickly, it's only the last five years.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: I'm in my 40s now, almost officially, and just within the last five years realized that communication is way different than the way I was raised.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's a minority background too, or something like that, I don't know, but further testing is needed for that.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: But it's kind of just ridiculous that I don't know but further testing is needed for that.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: But it's kind of just ridiculous that we're not taught that.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: And getting into a relationship, people you know want to tell you as you're growing up to be like, hey, go get a job and get married and have kids.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: And it's like there's some steps that you missed.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: People I don't want to say parental figures, because everybody that's like an adult as you're growing up, they don't tell you these things Like, hey, there's a certain way you've got to communicate with people and we're not going to teach it to you, you've just got to go figure it out yourself.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: And it's like thank you, I just know.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: For me, the whole dating process I learned most of that from my peers aka my friends going up talking to women At.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: Aka my friends going up talking to women.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: At the time I was portraying a straight person in real life and that's not talking was.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to go into the details.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: This is dark times, but there's certain cultures where there's a like objectification thing going on.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: I'll just.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: If you have more questions about that, feel free to hit me up.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: As you heard in the intro, there's different ways to contact in the social medias and an email.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: You want specifics about that?
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: It's just very sad.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: In certain cultures where the sexes are so segregated it's kind of ridiculous.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: But I was never taught that people just want to talk.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: I didn't don't want to.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: You don't need to do anything, you just need to listen.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: And it's funny because I'll listen to a podcast or read a book about something where men are now educated men, self-aware men, are having to practice sitting there not doing anything and some of it's painful.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: And I, that's what I read and heard.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: And I was like I completely relate to that.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: Yes, I'm like, and I, that's what I read and heard.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: And I was like I completely relate to that.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: Yes, I'm like, thank you for saying this.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: Cause, sitting there not doing anything is literally painful.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: It is painful, but have to do it If you want to function in a relationship and it's actually the correct way of being.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: You're not supposed to do everything Every time.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: Somebody has a rant, maybe a complaint, but not a rant.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: It's like we, we, we, we, as humans, should be able to have conversations and then, um, get the emotions out and and hey, guess what, we don't have to do anything about it.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: Oh man, yeah, I'm gonna be talking about this very much in depth and probably for many, many years, because this is, uh, very, very triggering for me, because we weren't taught this and like why can't we have like a communications class 101 not like journalism communications, but like life communications in school?
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: It really needs to be in high school, but definitely in college.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: It's like, hey, you were raised this way and communication is a thing, so we're going to teach you how the other side feels Either way, male or female.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: So this is what happens in this particular group, once again, male or female, and this is what they do.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: And I bet the other side will be very surprised by what they hear.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: When a female influencer I'll just say content creator, whatever people that talk on the internet hear about what guys talk about, it's very shocking to them.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: And it's like the opposite is true too when men hear about what women talk about and how, when they're in groups, in their social groups, and what is talked about versus what other guys talk about, it's just shocking.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh okay, you can have these kind of conversations and me me, being on the queer spectrum.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: I always thought it was weird growing up, like being around guys and it just felt it didn't feel right.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: It's like what are we doing?
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: Just sitting here and talk like what?
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: What kind of boring ass conversations is we having here right now?
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: And I come to find out what women talk about is like I want to have those conversations, but with guys.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: But it's like if you are like in the masculine way, you don't have to do that.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: And especially now that I'm doing more experimenting phase, it's like I'll try to do that with some of my guys.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: I'm like why are you asking so many questions run?
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: It's like um has nobody taught you Wait, nobody has taught you how to have these conversations, how to socialize.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: Here you go Social skills 101.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: Actually, this is like pre-social skills, because this is how people are supposed to talk, like constructively and effectively and positively.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: You say a statement and then I ask a question, and then I say a statement and then you ask a question.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: It's called ping-ponging.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: It's a very simple skill and habit to have when you're communicating with people.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: Guys, don't do this, especially now with fucking cell phones.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: It's like people just want to be buried in their phone the whole time.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: You can't just wait and just sit there for a second.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: Let's wait in this line and, um, we're just gonna chill for a second and then you know, if conversation sparks up, we're gonna actually talk about it.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: It's gonna be probably awkward at first for most people because you know the uh quarantine happened and people were unsocialized.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: But I mean it's it's been going on for decades now, literally probably centuries.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: Well, I can't say it's been decades now we haven't had social media Like.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: I think myself.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: Just from the research I've done I'm fixing my nerd glasses here, for my research is social media is kind of hindering us all because you can go into your internet and not be motivated to go out in real life and have these conversations, but it's like it's just not effective.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: You heard me, you heard julie say this before the online communication, in my opinion, is not as effective as going out in actual person and talking to people.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: And uh, I just know from being in the like, the kink communities, especially where the the lines are segregation, lines between the sexes are blurred because it is queer positive, you get to see more interactions from people and you just start noticing like, oh, I wasn't taught this kind of communication and unfortunately, some relationships of mine ended because of the communication issues and it's like had to learn that lesson late in life.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: Like had to learn that lesson late in life.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: Oh man, it's just, it's just infuriating knowing that I didn't learn these back in my twenties when a lot of people were doing these social things or whatever, or not, and I was like, damn, I had to learn it so late.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: But we can adjust.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: Fail gloriously.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: Remember what I said before.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: People say it all the time fail gloriously, and then we can adjust.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: So I'm still working on that currently.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: So if you want to know what's going on with me specifically, feel free to hit me up on the social medias and email me advice line.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to keep talking about my opinion, especially this one and the communication thing and the emotional.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: Oh man, it's like representing emotions is a specific habit you have to do, along with the social skills.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: Like I heard one relationship expert communicator, whatever it is, and he makes his kids, his sons, talk to a random person before they can come back in the house.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: I'm like that seems kind of extreme.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: But also I kind of want to do it for myself, because constantly go to the same places grocery store, the gym places I go to pretty much two or three times a week, gym's, like four times a week, and don't talk to anybody really except for maybe just hello, the general hello.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: When you go like hello, welcome to Moe's, that kind of thing, at the restaurant or whatever, see the same people and don't really have a conversation with them and it's like, hmm, maybe I should start working on these social skills I keep talking about so much, like more actively, like I'm open to communication, but like you actually have to try to talk to people because you go into places, especially the gym, everybody's got their headphones on and nobody's talking.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: It's like, wow, go to this place where you see the same people every day.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: For years I've gone to gyms for years and see the same people.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: I don't know their name, don't know anything about them except for what gym clothes they wear.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: It's gym clothes they wear.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: It's wild to me that, uh, we just we just don't work on this stuff and like your parental figures, actually just any older role model growing up doesn't tell you like, hey, you know what.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: Work on those social skills.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: You're gonna suck at them, but you have to keep trying if you want to get better.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: And, yeah, habits what are those?
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: No, they don't teach you about habits.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: I learned recently you have to work on habits 66 days, people I think I said that before but 66 days for a habit to form, also what the definition of a habit is.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: And it's like why are we just not teaching people this stuff?
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: You're going to suck at it, fail gloriously, you're going to it.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: If you're developing a new habit, you're going to suck at it and that's fine.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: Congratulate yourself, pat yourself on the back for having tried in the first place, whatever it is and what is your motivation?
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: I got to say that too, because I know for me, I want to be more social, so I'm going to suck at it, but I'm going to be motivated through the sucking.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: Everybody likes a good sucking, spitting or swallowing.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: I got to say, no, let me get distracted, but it's going to suck at first.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: It's going to suck at first, people, it's going to suck, it's going to suck, but live in that uncomfortability.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: It's going to suck, okay, it's gonna.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: It's gonna suck, okay, yeah.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: Um, I have more communication that I can go into, but I feel like that should be a whole episode on its own.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: And uh yeah, living in the uncomfortable is something you're gonna have to do, because if you're, you gotta, you gotta be comfortable being uncomfortable, especially I'm speaking specifically right now to the people that are complaining about being single and like, oh, this whole networking app sucks.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: Oh, I went out and tried a hobby and they told me to go do something fun and I couldn't find people.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: It's like, okay.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: So here's where the real advice comes in is, even though you're doing that stuff and putting yourself out there, what are you putting out there that stuff and putting yourself out there?
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: What are you putting out there?
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: It's like get a haircut or go to a salon, wash your ass.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: I mean that's not gonna come across on online.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: The smell, if you smell terrible, but still I mean I can literally look at people and be like damn, that's fucked up.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: Or get your teeth fixed or something.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: It's like you, like you can look at somebody and tell that they're disheveled, at the least, even if it's a picture, I can see smell through a picture and it's like what are we doing here?
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: I understand people.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: Oh God, fucking Crocs, the bane of all society, not just on a fashion level.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: It's like ultimate form of laziness, like we're not even going to try Again.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: That's my opinion on Crocs.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: It's fucking ridiculous, but it's like God damn, just give it.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: Give it a try, like I've seen it in person.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: I kind of understand it on online, cause there's so many profiles out there Like cool it's, even though you shouldn't put your best foot forward.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: I understand you're going out there and trying and putting yourself out there, but just take a second to look at yourself in the mirror.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: Put a shirt on that fits you, not something that's just comfortable.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: You know, a Hawaiian shirt is great for a party with your friends, but don't go to a social event with a Hawaiian shirt, or especially not a date.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: You're trying to pick up people.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: That's just not good fashion sense.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: God damn it.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: It.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: Wear a nice button-up shirt or at least a shirt that fits you.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: If it's a t-shirt, get a nice white or black t-shirt, maybe gray.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: It's just.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: They have so many youtube and tiktoks out there about fashion sense.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: I understand those people are just trying to make money advertising bullshit, but some of those points are good people, some of them at least try them.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: If you buy a shirt, it's like 20 a t-shirt you don't have to.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: I mean, you can spend more than that, fine, spend 50, 100, I don't give a fuck point is you bought one shirt and it didn't work out.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: All right, try another one or wear a different kind.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: If it was a button-up shirt, get a regular t-shirt.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: For the t-shirt, get a button--up shirt.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: Doesn't put you out that much, doesn't waste a whole lot of your resources, time and money and you tried it.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: And still this fucking bullshit where people are like I didn't do it either.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: I tried once and it failed.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: It's like you're not going to be able to trying once.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: Ain't shit you, oh my God, not even literally.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: You really have to try like a hundred times.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: Figure out what works for you.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry to tell you it's not going to take one and done.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: There's no miracle, perfect setup that you're going to go out there and you're going to get a partner that you want to be with forever.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: It's not going to happen.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: I'm here now I'm just kind of at the end of an actual work week and I've watched a lot of podcasts with people that are more educated on the subject and got degrees and stuff on on the relationships and psychology, and they're all saying the same thing Like fuck, you got to get out there.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: It's just not.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: It's not possible.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: And I just know from my own sense.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: I haven't really put myself all the way out there, but I've been trying the experimenting thing and going out there and it's like nobody's going to come up to you, is going to come up to you, at least nobody that you want.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying that for myself, presenting as male.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: I mean, of course, there's the other side of it where you get come to a lot.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: People come up to you, try to talk to you a lot.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: Then that's a different kind of filter.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: I kind of understand that as well.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: But it's like we got to put our best foot forward.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: I don't know how much I want to talk about the differences in the genders.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: Like men don't get talked to, women get talked to too much, but their standards are high.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: It's um, it's very sad, but it's true, it's just how it is.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: So they say smart people say women got to lower their standards, but it's like which standards are you lowering?
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: And men, you gotta, you just gotta do better.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: There's too many men.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: Like 80% of the men, they're just kind of like in the middle and like the top 10% of men are getting everything and they have too many choices so they don't want to settle down.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: But I'm talking to, like, the 80% of people that present as male.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: You just got to do better.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: Just wear a shirt, a pair of pants that fit you.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: Stop wearing the fucking Crocs.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: Just get some nice shoes.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: You literally can go to like a Payless if that's even around anymore Shoe Carnival, where the fuck?
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: Just get a nice pair of shoes, clean them up, make sure they're clean, get some pants that fit you and, of course, you know, stay.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: Oh man, physical activity.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: Put down the sweets, get some physical activity.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: They say all you need is 30 minutes a day.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: You can literally just walk 30 minutes a day.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: Get 10,000 steps in Physical activity Every day.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: You got to do something.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: Oh man, there's so much you can talk, to do about presenting yourself.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: It's just whoa boy, it's a hot subject.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: It it's a hot subject.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: It's just people just putting shit out there.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: And then I'm going to be harsh just putting shit out there and you're expecting something back and it's like take a minute to look at yourself.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: It's like would you want to date?
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: You ask yourself that question when you're leaving the house to go to a social event to try to find a partner, or even putting yourself online, out there online.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: It's like if you saw those pictures, would you swipe right on that person.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: Ask yourself that question.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: I don't care what your orientation is.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: You can find the same sex or the other sex attractive.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: Even though you're not attractive, you can judge yourself pretty well, just unfortunate.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so I'm going to leave that right there.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: We're going to put a button on that, because they can talk about presentation a whole lot.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: Once again, if you want more opinions on it, I have a specific questions.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: Social media is in the emails.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: Hit me up and let me know.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Okay, I just got to say completely changing topics, kind of sort of Julius does not believe in the one, or I mean you can have like a little spark, spark or a little bit butterfly feelings, but just not how it works.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: You gotta, you gotta work at this stuff.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, you don't uh, I mean some people do whatever.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: I don't believe it.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: But you don't just find the one and just works out.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: You have like a happily ever after or anything like that.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: You're going to meet people.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: You're going to have to communicate.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: Like I said again, you're going to have to work on that communication, figure out how the person receives information and make sure you're giving out information in the correct way.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: Men through a lot of different relationships.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: Men, a lot of different people and make huge assumptions.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: This is why I hate assumptions and you think that the person's understanding what you're saying, but you got no confirmation that they're understanding what you're saying.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: So, on the topic of the one in like a spark, love at first sight, that's all bullshit.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: That's all movie shit.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: People want to quote oh, they do that in the movies.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: They are doing that crap to sell the movies.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: You understand they're trying to sell a product.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: It's a sales pitch for you to buy a ticket or buy it on DVD or on streaming now or whatever.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: Movies are bullshit.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: Okay, writers are really good.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: Writers are really good because they got you to believe that.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: Fantasy bullshit.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: But there is no.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: The one.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: The dating process when you first get together or even when you first get married that's the start of it.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: You got to work on the communication bit.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, long-term relationships take work.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: You're not going to go and meet somebody and just happen to fill out your gaps.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: And you got to do no work on it and try to make it better over the long run.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: It's just not going to happen.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this is yeah, you got to work on the communication people I'm shorting out this is the assumptions that happen.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: It's not going to.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's not about finding the one.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: It's about finding people that pull up with your weirdness and your bullshit, and then you can put up with their weirdness and their bullshit and you guys can work on your shit together.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: If there's any discrepancies anywhere, you got to calibrate and hopefully you find somebody that likes to calibrate with you and you can figure it out.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: It's ridiculous.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: It's unrealistic.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: Expectations lead to long-term resentments.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: Okay, it's a good quote.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: It's unfortunate.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: I think it was like Neil Strauss, the guy who wrote the game and then the real or whatever the other books he met um, uh, wrote, but yeah, we got.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: We got to work on these expectations of people.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: If you don't talk about your expectations, you you're doomed for failure.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: Once again, communication is a thing.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: You got to talk to these people, your partners, and have these conversations with them.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: I'm huge on metrics because I am a newer, spicy person and I forget conversations sometimes, so I got to write it down.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: Also, I'm sparked by emotion, so I can have a very high attraction to somebody, and if I don't write down how I feel about them, then I don't get to say it, unless some high emotional point sparks my memory somehow.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: It's very bad and very good at the same time.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: I will say that it's mostly bad.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: I hate it, but I wish I could remember better.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: But it doesn't.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm failing my memory.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: Now I have to write notes down and, yes, goodness, gracious, yeah.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: But I want to say this, people, as my time runs out, that you're not doomed, even if you're later in your 40s and 50s, you can learn this stuff too.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: It's totally possible.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: There's hope for everybody.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: You, you can learn this stuff too.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: It's totally possible.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: There's hope for everybody.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: You can work on this stuff.
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: It's a habit.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: You have to work at it Purposely, practice the socialization, and you're going to fuck up Again.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: You're going to fuck up.
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: There's nothing.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: There's no, anything.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: Don't compare yourself to other people.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: It's horrible, horrible.
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: Let's no anything.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Don't compare yourself to other people.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: It's horrible, horrible.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: Let's not do that.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, let's not do that.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: Ew, man, you got to work on it.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: People, I don't know how to tell you this in any other way.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: It's going to happen and I understand it's like a big thing for the young kids to do it too.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure the older people do it as well.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: But it's like just because you're bad at it now doesn't mean you're always going to be bad at it.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: You got to work at it.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: I think people just aren't used to failing, so they try a couple of times, like I tried, and like no.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: I'll say this again it's going to take like 10, 20.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: You this because I've done it myself decades, not decades of trying, but not like trying purposefully, which means like literally like every day, because you know, I got discomforted and then I had to take a break and it's like, oh god, if I had worked on it, it'd be much better at it now.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: But can't have resentments about that because, once again, it's never too late to try.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: Never too late to try.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: Got Never too late to try.
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: Got to work on it though.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: We got to work on it Every day.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you this right now how long do?
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: I got to do this Every day.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: That's the answer.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: Every day, consistency.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: Got to work on that consistency Because you can take breaks if you want to.
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: It's just going to progress, like, like, prolong the process.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: Here You're progressing much slower.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: So cheat days and a diet I'm not a fan of those either, and same thing with whether it's food or social or any other habit.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Cheat days are fine.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: Fine, go ahead and have your cheat day.
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: You're just slowing your process down and I don't want you to like white knuckle it, like cold turkey type shit.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: But you're going to have to work on it.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: But I don't know, quote unquote cheat day it's like, what are we doing here?
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: If you want to purposely practice a habit and form a habit, you're going to have to do it every day.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: That's just how it is.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: All the smart people said all the smart people say this, and I agree with it you have to work on it.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: I just don't.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: I mean, what do you want to do?
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: There's nothing you can do.
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: You can fight human nature if you want to, but we're still stuck.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: Every human is still stuck in our lizard days and caveman days.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: We got to fight those instincts and stuff that tried to keep us surviving back then, thousands of years ago.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: That don't work anymore.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: We don't have to worry about food and shelter anymore and you can just go work a regular job and not even like be good at it and you get paid and you can have a shelter.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: We don't have to worry about, you know, running away from saber tooth tigers and woolly mammoths and shit.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: We just go into a house and I spray bug spray and the roaches get killed and everything stays outside.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: It's air conditioned and there's food Like literally you can just go through a drive-thru or order it on an app and you have food now.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: So let's focus on this shit.
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: Figure out what our old caveman brain is trying to tell us and fight not really fight.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: You gotta like mentally, you gotta meditate on that stuff and go out and try and fail, and realizing that failure doesn't mean you're gonna be kicked off into an iceberg on loneliness island and then have to survive in the wilderness by ourselves.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: This is literally what you're fighting, people.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: If you don't realize this by now, your lizard brain is trying to keep you safe.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: You're fighting your own brain because back in the day when you got rejected, you died.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: But guess what?
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: You'll survive now because we don't have to worry about that shit anymore.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: But our brain doesn't understand that.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: No, it stuck from thousands of years ago.
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: It's great, it's amazing.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: So my key advice here towards the end of this is stop letting life happen to you and then go and make something of it.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: If you want to improve your job situation, your, your social skills, your singleness or just, like I don't know weight loss or just hobbies in general, you know you can go out and try it.
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: I it's so annoying people like I wish I learned another language or something.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: You have fucking apps on your phone.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: Turn the app on for 30 minutes a day and you know, or five minutes, however long it takes.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: You.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: Do at least five minutes and then a day.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: Then you'll be good and eventually you get to 30 minutes and it's realistic.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: It's about two hours, but you can actually practice the skills.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: So two hours a day is the main goal, but start with five minutes, do a little five minute thing and then you can build from there.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: It's like you have to try.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: This is magically doing.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: I wish I could have done this.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: Go learn piano.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: You know there's apps that teach you how to play piano.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: Also, fucking YouTube.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: Get you a piano, take free lessons on YouTube.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: You ain't even got to go anywhere.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: You can stay at your house and just turn your phone on your TV on it's YouTube, right there, you got to practice, though, just like social skills, it doesn't come out of nowhere.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: You have to try this stuff.
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: Okay, I see for this advice, slide number two.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: Julius has gotten a little sarcastic, but it is a very hot topic the store no real life Hot topic.
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: We got to talk about this stuff.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: I'm here for you Because, guess what?
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: I'm going through it too.
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: We're in the experimentation phase.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: We're in the experimentation phase and we're trying and failing.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: I'm failing gloriously.
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: If you want to know more, just like in the intro and the outro you hear in a little bit hit me up on the social medias, the Instagrams, the Twitters and the YouTubes.
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: You can comment on the YouTubes, and then also you can email me at my Yahoo.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: Let me know what you think, what you're going through.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: Julius is here for you, you through.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: I didn't even mean to rhyme that, but until next time, this is the uh.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: Fresno Bob, the Fresno Bob, mr Fresno Bob, colonel McBee, senior Taco Knuckle the Cuddle Jiggle.
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: That's what it was, the Cuddle Jiggle, hh.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: Julius.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: Around the Kinky Campfire Pillow for sessions.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: Bye for now and hello.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: That's a wrap for this.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: Around the Kinky Campfire pillow for sessions.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: Bye for now and hello.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: That's a wrap for this episode of the Around the Kinky Campfire podcast.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: We love having you by the fire and we'd love to hear from you.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: Got a kinky question, a steamy story or a topic you want us to cover?
• 34:45
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• 34:53
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• 35:00
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• 35:17
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