Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 645: NEVER Do THIS When Your Ex Calls

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Episode 645: NEVER Do THIS When Your Ex Calls · The Art of Love With Lucia

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  If your ex calls you and you want them back, should you
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  respond? The answer to this question is
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  going to determine how long you're going to be in no
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  contact. So if you don't want to prolong
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  the amount of time you're in no contact, you need to do the
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  right thing. What's the right thing?
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  Well, stay tuned and you'll find out.
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  Hi, this is Lucia with The Art of Love.
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  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
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  you get your ex back or to get over your ex.
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  Welcome back, beautiful. No contact army.
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  Have you downloaded Silencio, the app to help you stay in No
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  contact. If you haven't, the link is
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  underneath every video and podcast.
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  And if you too would like to join our no contact army, all
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  you have to do is hit the subscribe button and the Bell
• 0:47
  notification and you're in. And to read our manual, go to
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  nocontactsecrets.com where you can read 2 free chapters before
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  you purchase the book. So I'm making this video because
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  one of our no contact soldier was a bad little soldier and
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  I've talked about this before, I've mentioned it before, but I
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  figured I would give it its own video because I don't want the
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  same thing to happen to you. So she was doing fine and no
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  contact for about 3 weeks. And then her ex started to send
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  bread crumbs, as exes often do. They don't just disappear.
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  No, they can't just make your life easy and disappear and not
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  send bread crumbs. So she was a good little soldier
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  initially, and she didn't respond.
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  And then he called and she answered.
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  Yeah, so she did the wrong thing.
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  But then, as if that wasn't bad enough, she was on the phone for
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  hours, which I talk about in my video.
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  Do not give this to your ex and I'll put the link in the upper
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  right hand corner on YouTube. You do not stay on the phone for
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  hours. If you hear from your ex, you're
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  giving them way too much reassurance.
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  And did they get back at the end of the conversation?
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  Did they get back together? No.
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  So now she's back in no contact. And in fact he said that he
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  actually did not want to get back together.
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  Which begs the question then, why are you calling me and why
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  did you send a bunch of texts? And he said that he sent, he
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  called because he wasn't sure if he was blocked because she
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  hadn't responded to his bread crumbs.
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  Which again, I think, OK, well, if you don't want her back, then
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  what do you care if you're blocked to the point of where
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  you're calling, right. So it was about his ego and
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  pride, or you're just going to walk away.
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  So you are taking away any anxiety that's been built up
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  when you respond because you don't know why they're calling,
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  but you're going to assume it's because they want to get back
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  together. But the chances of that are slim
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  to none. So here's how you're going to
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  deal with your ex calling you. First of all, you're going to
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  expect them to call you. OK, expect that there may be a
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  call so that you're not shocked. But even if you're expecting it,
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  you're still going to be shocked.
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  And by force of habit, you're going to want to respond.
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  It's like, oh, oh, he's calling. I got to respond, She's calling.
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  No, you got to stop yourself. And the best way to do that is,
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  first of all, their number shouldn't even be in your phone
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  in case you dial them by mistake and break no contact.
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  So the number is not supposed to be in your phone in the 1st
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  place. And whenever I tell people to
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  take the number out, they're very resistant because you're
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  not being logical. Because people think, oh, if I
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  take their number out, we'll never get back together, no,
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  just as if you keep their number in there, it doesn't mean you're
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  getting back together. Taking their number out of your
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  phone has no effect on whether you're getting back together or
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  not. Again, you're not being logical,
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  so take their number out and then you have to be prepared to
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  not respond to any calls unless you absolutely know who it is
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  they're in your contact list. And this is a way to also make
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  sure you don't end up speaking to a spammer or scammer.
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  So if you can do that, that's great.
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  Now, if you can't take their number out, or you don't want
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  to, if there's a way to send your calls to voicemail, all
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  your calls to voicemail, most people are not going to want to
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  do that. I understand.
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  I don't know if there's a way to send just one person's number to
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  voicemail. I wish there was.
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  There probably isn't. But you can check on the phone
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  that you use. That's another way to make sure
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  you don't respond. Otherwise, the other thing to do
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  is to change their name in your phone to remind you not to
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  respond so you can change it to danger, danger or no.
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  That would be an end with like 10, 0, not zeros, OS and then
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  exclamation marks at the end or do not respond or stay in no
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  contact, Lucia said. No warning.
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  Whatever is going to remind you to not pick up that phone and
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  every bone in your body, every cell in your being is going to
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  want to pick up that phone because you think, oh,
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  especially if they call it at night, like, Oh well, maybe
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  maybe he's hurt, maybe something happened, maybe he needs me.
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  The chances again, of that being the situation are slim to none,
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  especially if you've been ignoring their texts.
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  Now they're checking to see why you've been ignoring and they're
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  going to call you. They're escalating.
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  But this is not the type of escalation where we respond
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  because we want to see if they're going to leave a message
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  and what kind of message it is. So hopefully changing their name
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  in your phone so that you don't respond will stop you from
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  responding. But again, you're going to be
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  tempted. Your primitive brain, your
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  fearful brain, will want to respond.
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  You'll say, Oh no, if I don't respond, they'll never call
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  again. I'll never give them back.
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  This is my only chance. I got to respond.
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  No, I'm emphasizing this because I know that you're going to want
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  to respond. OK, I already know that.
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  So I'm drilling this into your brain.
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  Please hear my voice. When you see your ex is calling,
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  I'm telling you, do not pick up. Do not pick up.
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  Do not pick up. Have I made my point clear?
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  OK, because you don't know why they're calling.
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  If they want you back, they will leave a message, or they will
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  let you know some other way they want you back, because otherwise
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  you're going to end up breaking no contact for no reason like
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  this girl and reassuring them that you're still interested.
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  So what's the incentive to hurry up and try to get you back?
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  If they know that you're still interested, that you're willing
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  to spend hours on the phone with them, or you're willing to pick
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  up and have a conversation, you just killed your no contact and
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  you set yourself back. So if it takes longer to get
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  them back, it's because you picked up the phone.
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  So do not respond. They must leave a message and it
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  must be significant before you will call them back.
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  Got it? OK, so I want to hear from you
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  now. Has your ex called you while
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  you've been in no contact? And have you responded or not?
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  Were you a bad little soldier or a good little soldier?
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  And in the meantime, if you would like my help to get your
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  ex back, you can contact me at theartoflove.net and we will
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  send you the rates. The direct link is underneath
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  every single video and podcast. If you found this video helpful,
• 7:48
  please like, subscribe and share.
• 7:50
  If you're listening to this as a podcast, please rate and review.
• 7:54
  And finally, remember that love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
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  enlightens.