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How To Use Hypnotherapy for Better Sex with Jordan Wolan · The Kink Consultant

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It's the King Consultant podcast where we're turning up the heat
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on all things kink and dating, relationships and pop culture.
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So close the door, plug in your headphones, and let's get down
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to it. Hey everybody, and welcome to
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this week's episode of the King Consultant Podcast.
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I am delighted to be joined by a hypnotherapist, in fact, my most
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recent hypnotherapist, Jordan Wollen, a certified
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hypnotherapist and integrative hypnotherapist.
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Welcome, Jordan. Thanks, Amanda.
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I'm so glad to be here. I'm super glad to have you here
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because I'd love to give a little introduction of how I
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found the people I bring on to the podcast.
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Jordan and I, we're both presenters at the Dom Sub Living
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Summit where Jordan spoke about hypno kink, something that I am
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extremely curious about and we're going to talk about in
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this episode. But I'm a huge fan of
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hypnotherapy in general and have used it multiple times in my
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life with great results, including a session that I had
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with you a few months ago. So I definitely want to get into
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that. But before we do, I'm going to
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call out the elephant in the room that I'm sure you're used
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to. Is hypnotherapy therapy you with
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a stopwatch, waving it in front of people and getting them to do
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things that they don't want to do?
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Is that what hypnotherapy is? Not exactly, although that's
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such a cliche that I have used that.
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In fact I used it like few weeks ago just as a joke.
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I have one, but that's not the way it works unless you're
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working with kids. That's fun then.
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What is hypnotherapy? What is hypnotherapy?
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So hypnotherapy is a very receptive state that we get into
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where we can focus on something that we want to change.
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So it's just a very natural state that we're in throughout
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the day. Many times during the day, we go
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into hypnosis just naturally. So some of those examples are
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when we're driving and we don't remember the trip, or we're
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watching a movie and we get absorbed in the movie, or we're
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scrolling on our phone for hours and 2 hours goes by and we're
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like where did the time go? Those are all forms of
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environmental hypnosis that we go in and out of so.
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How do you harness that? First of all, is there a way
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during scrolling that I can be changing my behavior while being
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in a hypnotized state of my daily drive or daily doom
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scrolling? Can we work with that?
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Yeah, you absolutely can. I would say that you can do it
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different ways. You can set timers.
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You can just tell yourself I'm going to do this for 15 minutes
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and then end it, or you can just put the phone in another room.
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But when you're actually in that state, sometimes you might catch
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it. Sometimes you might think that
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just 5 minutes went by when actually it's half an hour and
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your partner's getting mad and waiting for you.
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You're still scrolling and you're like, wait a minute, one
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more, one more. It's really hard to once you're
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in that state. But by being more aware of it,
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you start to notice it so that you can prevent it.
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OK, I've used hypnotherapy for certain mindset shift in my own
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confidence and things like that. Like I've been using
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hypnotherapy since I was probably 20 years old.
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I would find a hypnotherapist to help with a certain mind shift
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change. Do you think that this is like a
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normal use of it? Is that how you work with
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clients or is there a specific thing you recommended for?
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So I work with clients with whatever they want to work on.
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I have no judgments. I've worked with a lot of
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different things, mostly issues around anxiety and stress,
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confidence, self esteem, phobias, fears, anywhere from
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fear of flying to using pronouns, remembering people's
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pronouns. I've used it to help someone
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stop staring at chess, staring at people's chests, and make eye
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contact. I've used it for all all kinds
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of things. Germ phobia hair.
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Pulling. I'm like literally in shock.
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It's blown, right? Yeah.
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And I've never thought about any of these things.
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I think I'm fortunate enough that I've never had a problem
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staring at someone's body parts in general.
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So I've been like, fortunate enough to not need that.
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But it's cool to think that that could be something.
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Since we are a kink podcast and we can talk about some of the
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more open things. Does sexual anxiety ever come up
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as something you work with? Yeah.
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Yeah, I was going to say I work with sexual freedom hypnosis.
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I was trained by my mentor named Kaz Riley from the UK.
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So in sexual freedom hypnosis, we work with sexual
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dysfunctions. So a lot of that is helping
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clients with shame around their sexuality and feeling more
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comfortable in their bodies and asking for what they want.
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We can also work with vaginismus and pain.
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We can work with Ed. So there's a lot of ways to help
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with hypnosis specifically with that.
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You just blew my mind for a second time and very short
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period of time. Imagine is this is.
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I have a hard time actually describing it but I know that it
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leads to women not being able to comfortably have sex because of
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whether it's a trauma response or a physical response.
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They are not comfortably able to have anything wide in their
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vagina. I don't even know how to put it
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cuz I know they go through dilation and stuff and there's a
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lot of tension that comes up. It also makes them
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uncomfortable. How are you able to help with
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that? Yeah, So everything from helping
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my clients that have pain during sex, helping them relax the
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muscles like learning how to be more comfortable, either
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practicing before they have intercourse and just by
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themselves, learning how to breathe properly and rewiring
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how the brain associates the pain.
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Because sometimes it comes from an incident that happened before
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in their past or maybe it's just a fear of something going to
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happen. So it's a lot of that is using
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visualization and different techniques that I'll use to help
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with relaxation in the in that area.
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So. That makes a ton of sense.
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It sounds like a lot of different people are coming to
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to work on different things. What do you think may be the
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most popular thing a woman comes to work with you on?
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So a woman would usually come to work and I work with all genders
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by the way. So every way you identify when
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clients come to work on things with me generally I've worked
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with many women with pain during intercourse and also shame.
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So sexual shame, and where that comes from is having an idea or
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belief that was misplaced, that they took on.
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Someone else told them it was bad, it was shameful, it was a
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sin. This is the right way to do
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something. I have a lot of beliefs that
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someone else gave them. So a lot of things that we work
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on is letting go of the shame and then expressing their own
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sexuality, using their voice, feeling confident with their
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body. There's a lot of body image
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issues for all genders. There's a lot of questioning
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whether this is normal or this fantasy is normal, or it's
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taking too long or it's taking too short, or this person is
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very concerned about just their partner's pleasure and not their
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own. So there's a lot of ways to work
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with it. And with a lot of men, sometimes
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men will have trouble finishing because they're in their heads
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where they get distracted or they can't get to that point
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because they're concerned with something their partner said.
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There's a lot of stress. All of these things can affect
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arousal and being able to feel like you're doing the right
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thing and having fun and all this pressure that we get from
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the media and society and friends and whoever we think
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that there's something wrong with us, OK.
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How do you determine, though, whether or not it's something
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that hypnotherapy can fix if it's not the root of the
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problem? For example, I talked to clients
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about getting enough sleep so they can have better sex, right?
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Is there a way that they can get around having less sleep and
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still having better sex? Or how do you determine that
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hypnotherapy is the right course of action for your client?
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So they usually determine it for themselves.
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They come to me, they might have already been working with a sex
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therapist or a sex coach or a regular therapist.
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And they find that there's a level of either a find out
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they're stuck, like they've been working on it with talk therapy
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for a certain amount of time and it's just nothing's working.
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Or they might even feel like an embarrassment, like they can't
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even talk about sex with their therapist.
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So either way they find me and I'm like the last resort or I
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get referred by a therapist and then hypnosis I believe can work
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with just about anything. So from there, there's a
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specific protocol that I'll follow when it comes to sexual
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dysfunction. I love that, that there's a
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protocol, but I totally understand because a couple of
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things I have sent people to you who I have felt could probably
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use hypnotherapy as a last resort for me.
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I'm like, we've gone through a lot here.
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They've talked to doctors. I'm like, have you considered
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hypnotherapy? So that tracks for sure.
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I did want to bring something up that I don't know if I've ever
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told you this, but when I was in my mid 20s, I have a fetish.
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Everyone who listens to the podcast knows I'm obsessed with
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being spanked. It's my fetish.
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I orgasm thinking about that all the time or being punished.
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And I wanted to not be that way in my 20s.
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And I sought out a hypnotherapist who told me she
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would not help me with it because she was like I could do
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that but all it would do is make your sex life less enjoyable as
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opposed to making this desire go away.
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I really have no question there. I'm just wondering like have you
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ever had anyone try and do that with you?
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Get rid of their fetish or interest in kink.
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So I would not go in that area. I would not do that.
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If someone's coming to me to get rid of a fetish, I would
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actually ask them, like, where's that coming from?
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And like, tell me about this fetish and what do you enjoy
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about it? And let's have you accept this
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even more and enjoy it even more.
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How about that? You know, as long as it's not
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hurting someone or yourself, there's no judgement here.
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And in fact, it's very harmful to suppress an interest, a
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fantasy. It's something that is like at
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the core of your desire. Are you craving deeper intimacy
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and the freedom to explore your desires without shame?
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Do you feel nervous bringing kink up with your partner?
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Or maybe you're curious to start but don't know where to begin?
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That's exactly where coaching comes in, and I've helped
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countless couples and individuals navigate kink in
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their lives and relationships. Book your consult today at
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amandadames.com and let's make your desires feel doable.
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I feel that it's core to who I am.
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I love that answer. To be honest, I'm like, I wish
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that that had happened in my 20s, but I was very glad that
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this person did not agree to help me with that.
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It was a very difficult time at a marriage failing and I thought
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if I could just make this one problem go away, everything
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would be better. And but just think about that.
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If you had said like, I want to get rid of this beautiful thing
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that I enjoy. What about some people feel
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embarrassed to share their kink with their partner?
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So that would be a very harmful suppression of that.
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But what if you were able to confidently share that interest?
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Then it could be a whole different thing.
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More accepting, more fulfilling for both of you.
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I think I was a little too young back then, but you're right, it
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shaped my eventual acceptance of it through different ways of
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experiencing kink brought me to who I am today as the kink
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consultant, so I'm very glad that it wasn't changed.
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I just always think back on that of being very desperate and
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knowing the power of hypnotherapy versus other
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things. I've tried not on therapy.
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And therapy has a place. I've done coaching, coaching has
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a place. But like, I can't deny what
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sometimes feels like magic after hypnotherapy.
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Have you had the same experiences?
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Like how did you even get into hypnotherapy?
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Yeah, every day I'm always saying, what is this?
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What did I just do? I'm getting called a witch, a
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sorcerer, all kinds of things. People are really surprised
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because we can do amazing things because we're working with the
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subconscious mind and that's so much powerful than our critical
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mind or logical mind. That's like about 5% of our mind
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is like the part that's analytical and logical and you
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know, wants to change things. But the whole who we are like
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all our beliefs, all our behaviors and emotions on all of
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that or perceptions that's connected to the subconscious
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mind. When we tap into that, that's
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how the change happens really quickly.
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And sometimes it takes one session, sometimes it takes a
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few. So generally it's I work with
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people for about four sessions and then as needed, it's usually
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that quick, terrible business model, right?
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All right, you're done. You're fixed.
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Yeah. Now I've been told that, but
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yeah. Once you figure out it works, if
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you're like me, you keep coming back to the difference.
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Yes, that's me so. As well, you're basically, but
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we did a virtual session. How much of your business is
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like in person versus virtual? Yeah, well, I'm lucky to have
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this beautiful office in Los Feliz in Los Angeles.
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But I would say about 50% is online.
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So I've worked with people in Germany, I've worked with people
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in the UK, I've worked with people in New York City, all
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over the country. So I'm not limited by state.
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So I can work anywhere, anytime, through Zoom, sitting in your
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car, you know, wherever you are, it works.
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I just have to be able to see you and hear you.
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I've only ever until our session, I'd only ever done in
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person and it was really just a thing of I couldn't make it over
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to Lai would have loved to have seen you in person.
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I'm just call out what everyone is probably thinking and I
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thought before how could this possibly work just as well over
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zoom or like online as it does in person sitting in the same
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room? Well, they're two very different
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feelings. So I would say that even right
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now, screens are very hypnotic. So just the fact that we're
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looking at each other through Zoom, you're already in a trance
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to me. I'm the speaker, you're focused
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on me. So you're already in that trance
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and I can be checking in with you, watching your reactions,
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the movements that you're making, watching your breathing,
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guiding you into a state without even being there.
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I feel so on edge. Do you feel it?
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I'm like, I feel so it's. Happening now, yeah.
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I was just like, Oh my God, she sees everything right now.
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Yeah, it kind of actually is happening just as you like
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described it. I feel a little tingly because I
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feel like I'm in the hot seat a little bit in the way you
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describe it. Sure, and if you were here in
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the office, then you'd be sitting on a couch.
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It's like a typical therapy office, but I might have you sit
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in the recliner, I might have you lie on the couch.
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Or if you wanted to be seated, it doesn't really matter because
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it takes a lot of trust to who allow yourself to be hypnotized.
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There's a lot of stigma about it still and stigma, even in this
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field, you have double stigma. You've got the kink stuff,
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you've got the hypnosis stuff. Sometimes people get afraid.
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So it's very important. Some people want to meet with me
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in person first so they can get to know that I'm a real person
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and feel the energy. So that's what I would say is
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different. Yeah.
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OK. And traffic, LA traffic.
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No one wants to drive it. I know.
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And I can hear it a little bit in the background, that is.
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Yeah, LA in general and New York.
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If you're recording in these places, you're hearing some
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background noise. OK, We talked about this a
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little bit, but I do want to dive deeper into it for clients
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who come to you. And we kind of did a session
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around this who say I want better sex.
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That's a big ask. It's a big topic.
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What's your process for figuring out how you're going to run a
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session when and that is what they're asking for?
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Great question. Usually I know ahead of time
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they might say I just want to have better sex.
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So I will ask a lot of questions.
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I ask very specific questions because I want to find out what
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does that look like to you? What does better sex look like?
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What's it going to feel like, sound like?
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And I want to know what you're doing now.
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And I want to know all the background about that so that we
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can change it. And I'll literally ask you, what
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do you want to change today? And we'll start from there and
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we'll drill down and drill down because people come in with a
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very big idea of what they want to change, better sex, whatever
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that means. So I'm going to find out how
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specifically do you want it to be.
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Yeah, that's a great question. Is like my immediate answer is I
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want to orgasm every single time I have sex.
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Or I think more specifically for me it would be like, I want to
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feel more comfortable having sex in different positions because
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as much as I enjoy sex, I'm a creature of habit.
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I like the same thing and I'm happiest in my routine.
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But I want to branch out and if I'm struggling with that.
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And to me, better sex would be being more comfortable in other
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positions, not physically I think as a whole.
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So that's a beautiful question. So if you're very comfortable
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having sex one way and it's like you do it like this all the time
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on your back, underneath whatever, and you want to try
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something that your imagination, that's OK, That's over here.
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We can literally rewire. So my mind brain goes, how do we
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get this thing over here to look like this?
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We rewire that. We find out what is it about
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this thing that you do that you love and we just copy and paste
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the equivalent of that. We change the wiring of how the
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neurons store that in your brain.
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Like what is great about this thing over here and we transfer
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it over here. This is fascinating.
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I'm literally like this could have a lot of different things
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even just could mean that instead of masturbating the same
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way all the time I could get more adventurous in how I
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masturbate and masturbate in the shower or something that is not
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just in my bed, which is what you're describing it's a
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retained memory of. I got into a habit of it and
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it's taken away some of the adventure because over time I
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think I built up this is the only way it happens and I could
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talk to that. Do you think if I was very
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passionate about changing that, is that something we could work
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on with? Absolutely.
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OK, Absolutely. Yeah, it could be done
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conversationally, it could be done.
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There's a technique from NLP which is mapping across.
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It's working with submodalities, which is how you store that
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representation of that thing that you're doing, that
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position, you know what it looks like, sounds like, smells like,
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you know, all of the senses. We just take those.
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We borrow from 1:00 and map it across to the other to the new
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way that you want to be the present state to the desired
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state. So am I in that?
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Do you call it a hypnotized state, a trance state?
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What is it called when you're in that place where you're leading
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a hypnotherapy session? Am I hypnotized?
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Great question. I love that.
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So you're in a trance state, which is just a very focused
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state. You might be focused on the
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image. I might ask you to imagine, you
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know, the last time that you were having sex in the position
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that you love and what were you seeing?
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What were you through hearing? Are there any feelings that are
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important there? What happened right before it?
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I'm finding out all of these ways that you store that
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representation of that act, and then I'm finding out I'm going
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to do something to change the state.
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But you're in the state of hypnosis.
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The whole session is hypnosis, but conversationally, I can ask
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you what other position do you want to be in now?
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Take how you're feeling and now see yourself doing that new
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position and feeling the way you want to feel.
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Beautiful, dominant, submissive, however it is.
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I can take pieces of that thing that you're already doing and
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just bring it across to the new act, the new position over the
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headboard. What do you want?
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Over the bed? Bent over the bed.
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Okay. This is like my funny James.
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There is that like as adventurous as I am in some
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ways, and I'm the king consultant.
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I talk about all of this stuff online.
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I'm fairly routine. I like what I like, but I want
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to branch out. It's just physically, it doesn't
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happen for me in the same way. And then you get a new partner
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and you're trying new things and you want to both enjoy it.
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And that's something I'm like, I love that there are other
19:54
options. It's not just even coaching.
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There are other modalities you can lean on to help expand your
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horizons. What you're describing, it's
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called erotic plasticity. Our sexuality can change over
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time and through experiences and through like personal
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development and hypnosis is definitely like perfect for that
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kind of thing. It happened so fast and so much
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more easily than trying to willpower.
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You know it's going to happen a lot faster and more easily.
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I've used hypnotherapy multiple times throughout my life to feel
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more confident about my own body.
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It is no secret to anyone who listens to me.
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I struggle a lot with my own body image and just really
20:31
getting down on myself. I've never done hypnotherapy for
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weight loss or anything. I always use it to love myself
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more, and sometimes between therapy and a lot of other work
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I do, including somatica and somatic work, hypnotherapy has
20:45
been able to provide that subconscious hack.
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That's terrible word probably, but it helps me access love for
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myself so much more easily. I guess that's like an aside,
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but that's what I love about hypnotherapy in the way that it
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can bring more relaxation, understanding, calmness.
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And I don't know how it works, I just know it works.
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Yeah, it's just amazing. That's why I do this work is
21:07
because of how fun it is, how fast it is, and it's just so
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different when I'm stepping into this year is just educated
21:14
people more and sharing more so that they understand how
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powerful it is. Because I feel like so many
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people don't really understand what it is.
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There's more fear about it. They've seen so many movies or a
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stage show, and it's just this strange thing where people feel
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like they're going to be out of control.
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So I'm here to show you that it's actually giving you back
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more control. It's the way of the future.
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Yeah, I think we're. Been around for so long though,
21:40
do you movement towards people accepting it?
21:43
More, Yeah, I think because of everything now, there's so much
21:47
information out there on the Internet and it's come a long
21:50
way from like even 10 years ago, and everything is just moving in
21:54
a fast pace. But I'm going to say that it's
21:57
becoming even more important to know how to use this, to know
22:00
how to tap into their subconscious, to work with a
22:03
hypnotherapist because we have so many distractions all the
22:06
time. Life is moving a lot faster.
22:08
So I feel like this is just a way to make the process more
22:12
rapid and more easeful. Yeah, trying to just struggle.
22:16
So did that answer your question?
22:18
It does answer my question. I'm going to be a little woo woo
22:21
for a second because right now I think on Instagram, on social
22:24
media in general, maybe it's just my algorithm, but I see a
22:27
lot more about manifestation. I can't say I'm the world's
22:30
biggest manifesto. I believe positive thinking
22:33
leads to positive things. So I think that some of that
22:36
works. But even I struggle with
22:37
thinking positively sometimes and I'm wondering, is there any
22:41
intersection? Is there any place where both
22:43
manifestation and hypnotherapy can come together to unlock the
22:47
mind and open up positive, expansive thinking?
22:50
I was also going to say that hypnosis is just another word
22:53
for focused attention or meditation or like giving
22:57
yourself affirmations. As long as you can focus on what
23:00
you want. That's how you're mentally
23:03
rehearsing, like what you're stepping into, who you're
23:06
becoming, how you want things to go.
23:08
Even before this podcast, I did an exercise where I saw myself
23:11
successfully having a conversation with you and the
23:14
outcome was successful and fun and that I would hit all the
23:17
points that I wanted to say and all of these things I'm
23:20
visualizing at 1st and I'm trying to get myself in a state
23:23
of feeling so I can feel that it's not just the I want to do a
23:27
great job and have this great conversation.
23:30
It's, I want it to feel authentic.
23:32
I want it to be fun, share the passion that I feel for this
23:35
work, all of that to come through.
23:37
So important here is to get into that feeling of what you want.
23:41
So if you want to attract the right partner, if you want to
23:44
attract money, whatever it is, you have to get into that
23:47
frequency. So it is a woof.
23:49
If you call it woo, whatever it's energy, it's frequency,
23:52
it's that attraction that you're going to generate.
23:55
It has to start inside you first and then you'll attract more of
23:59
that because whatever you focus on, you create, right?
24:02
Whenever you focus on you create.
24:03
I believe that completely. Everything you say sparks
24:07
another question. So I'm like, OK, you did that.
24:08
That means you can hypnotize yourself.
24:11
Yeah, So everything is self hypnosis.
24:14
So it's all consensual. It's a collaboration.
24:16
When I'm working with a client, when I'm working with anyone,
24:19
including myself, I have an idea.
24:22
I want to do something for me. It's like, OK, this year I want
24:25
to focus on sharing this with as many people as possible, doing
24:30
groups, doing talks, doing podcasts.
24:32
So I'm visualizing that constantly of how would it get
24:35
better? I'm also practicing, I'm
24:37
recording, I'm doing all these things, but I'm visualizing
24:39
outcome that I want so that over time with repetition, it just
24:43
becomes more natural. So I'm constantly using it to
24:46
push my growth edges. So it's going to feel
24:49
uncomfortable at first, but the more you do it, the more it
24:52
feels more comfortable. Is there anything I could take
24:55
away in a short period of time on self hypnotizing to attract
25:00
wealth or to feel more comfortable receiving money?
25:03
Is there something that I could do every day as a practice that
25:07
would be like self hypnotizing? So bringing in money, I usually
25:10
recommend a couple of books out there first of all, but I'll
25:13
give you a task to do outside because you want to start
25:16
thinking about money as understanding the systems that
25:19
we're in of how to make money. And also knowing that whatever
25:23
scarcity you feel, maybe there's a systemic reason for that.
25:26
It's not you, it's the system that we're in.
25:28
And starting with that, that baseline understanding of like,
25:32
OK, the money that you want, you have to start to notice it in
25:36
your life. You have to get control over it
25:38
and do an audit of where you currently are.
25:40
And then you want to start looking at money in a different
25:42
way. Like maybe you noticed that
25:45
every time you see the penny on the ground, you stop.
25:48
This is a small thing, but like you pick it up or you say thank
25:51
you, I receive where every time you have an interaction where
25:55
you pay for something, you say to yourself, more is coming.
25:58
This is my life force. I'm lucky enough to be able to
26:01
afford this. So I'm buying this and more is
26:03
coming. It's just the more I put out,
26:05
the more I will return. Having an attitude like that
26:08
instead of oh, I can't afford that today, I'm going to not let
26:11
myself have it. I can't afford that because the
26:14
more you speak these words, that's what you're going to get.
26:17
So you want to start to look for ways to see the abundance that
26:20
you have. So feeling gratitude for what
26:23
you have, start there. I did something like this last
26:25
summer and switching it into dating a little bit.
26:28
Every time I saw an attract man I saw this online somewhere I
26:32
think a specific creator. Oh man I can't think of who it
26:35
was. Please comment if this was you.
26:37
Every time I saw an attractive man I would say thank you
26:40
universe send me another just to look at good looking people.
26:44
And then I started noticing good looking people everywhere and I
26:46
was like, this is either working or I'm opening my eyes, one or
26:49
the other. And actually helped you have
26:51
your own good looking man now, right?
26:53
Yeah. OK, cool.
26:55
Because, yeah, it's what we focus on.
26:56
That's what we tend to see more of because our brain is very
26:59
efficient, so it starts to look for those things.
27:01
So if you're looking at how shitty men are, then you see
27:05
that reflected back. Do you think of it as like,
27:07
they're great guys out there, They're coming, I see they're
27:10
great guys out there. You're looking for that or
27:12
you're looking for a type of partner.
27:13
The brain kind of deletes everything else.
27:16
It focuses on that one thing. And I attracted my partner doing
27:20
a vision board and a lot of journaling, writing.
27:23
My partner is this, my partner has this.
27:25
These are the qualities. This is what we like to do.
27:28
So the more you can visualize it is what you're creating for
27:31
yourself. Can you tell me a little bit
27:33
more about how you met your partner then?
27:35
Like you did all of this, but how did you actually go about
27:38
meeting your partner? It's a question I ask a lot of
27:40
guests because we all want to know, how did you meet your
27:42
person? Of the secret that I have used,
27:45
and this works for people, whether you're finding a partner
27:48
or a job. Let's focus on partner first.
27:50
You start with your home, your space, your bedroom.
27:53
Create a space for that person to fill to come in with their
27:57
possessions. It's kind of this like creating
27:59
room for them to move in. In a way.
28:01
It's a little bit of Feng shui kind of ideas, but creating that
28:04
space in your life for them and then starting to visualize
28:09
writing it out with a pen and paper.
28:11
What my partner looks like, what they do, how they act,
28:17
characteristics that I want. Then the year that I met her,
28:20
she was on my vision board. And it was very strange because
28:23
the picture looked a lot like her that I clicked out of the
28:26
magazine and it was like, wait a minute, that looks so similar to
28:30
like you in a bikini wearing sunglasses.
28:32
So I'll talk about like really visualizing what you want.
28:35
And that year it was relationships.
28:37
That was what I wanted. And sure enough, we met that
28:40
year. I love that I recognized her.
28:42
I need to do more vision boards is really what I'm taking away
28:45
from this too because obviously I'm doing hypnotherapy but it's
28:48
that daily practice or inserting it more often than just every
28:51
time I have a session that I slack on or ignore a little bit.
28:56
Yeah, and it's just like I tell my clients, like if you were
28:59
going to buy a new car and you decided what your car is, you
29:02
start to notice that everyone's driving that car.
29:06
So you start to see it everywhere.
29:08
And that's what you'll attract, because your brain is like
29:11
primes for that. That's so funny, in the mix of
29:14
like everything we've talked about, I drive a Mustang
29:17
convertible. I love my Mustang convertible.
29:19
So every time I see when I'm like, that's my friend, that's
29:21
my friend. And then I met my partner who
29:24
also one of his vehicles is a Mustang convertible.
29:28
And when I found that out, I was like, that's my friend.
29:30
I feel like in merging all of it, I'm like, I want someone who
29:34
appreciates a Mustang and obviously he did.
29:37
That's like a small story, but I think there's something to it of
29:40
like how much I care about these things and then them being drawn
29:43
in to my life. Another fun fact that I have
29:47
about Jordan Wolin that when I met you when we were both
29:50
speakers at the Dom sub summit, your partner was also a speaker.
29:54
And when this clicked in with me I was like what power couple you
29:59
are serious dating Justine cross of pro dominatrix in LA that I
30:07
follow on social media and had been following when like we were
30:10
all on the Dom sub summit together.
30:13
Yeah, it's pretty crazy. When we walk in the room, people
30:16
are like what to help? We are so different.
30:19
We're two Doms, but she does one type of transformation and I do
30:23
a different type of transformation.
30:24
So we're kind of healers, coaches, you know, we're both
30:28
offering people how to be more themselves in different ways,
30:32
helping, healing, teaching. This is what I'm saying, Power
30:35
couple. You're both holding space for
30:38
people who want to change in some way.
30:41
The way they walk in is not the way they walk out.
30:44
Right, right. They come in with an idea of
30:47
what they want. They want to be more empowered,
30:49
they want to have more fun, whatever is they want.
30:52
And we hold different spaces and people will cry sometimes from
30:56
just being able to be themselves and be seen.
30:59
And they will change. We both can say we've changed
31:02
people's lives like for the better in different ways.
31:05
You know, especially in the area of sexuality, which is so
31:08
important. It's just a big part of our
31:11
being a human. Just different waves.
31:13
I'm. Sure, hypnotherapy is a strong
31:15
modality. I've been a pro Dom.
31:18
I've never actually seen a pro Dom like that.
31:20
I've gone to a session with what?
31:23
So I can only speak from experiencing hypnotherapy as
31:25
opposed to experiencing visiting a pro Dom.
31:27
But both can be so transformational.
31:30
Do your worlds ever collide? And I'm specifically asking
31:34
about hypno kink. Great question.
31:36
I know you're going to ask that. I work in a clinical setting so
31:39
I do not, you know, when I'm working with clients, their
31:42
ethics, there is a very clear set of boundaries.
31:47
So I'm just working on the personal develop self
31:50
improvement. And with erotic hypnosis or
31:54
hypno kink, I've taught workshops in that for
31:57
entertainment purposes so people can learn how to do that safely.
32:01
A lot of people are really curious about it.
32:03
There is a hypnosis fetish. There is a way to learn that
32:07
with your partner so that you can enhance your activities that
32:11
you're doing. So I would rather teach people
32:14
how to do that safely with consent and how to to stay safe
32:17
and protect themselves from bad people, from bad players who
32:21
might misuse it so that they can be more empowered.
32:24
So there is a little bit of crossover with Hypno Kink A.
32:28
1000 different questions just came up including I guess we
32:31
should start with what is hypno kink?
32:33
Yeah, so hypno kink is a form of hypnosis.
32:37
They both have the same qualities, like being able to
32:39
focus on something to create an altered state.
32:43
And in the kink world, we're already in those altered states.
32:46
So it's natural way to kind of focus it to do various things
32:50
like enhancing sensations or going deeper into role play or
32:56
creating different scenarios that are just using the power of
32:59
the mind. So there's a lot of imagination,
33:02
there's a lot of play. It's just using all the
33:05
structure and the container of hypnosis to create these very
33:09
specific, very negotiated outcomes that we want in the
33:13
area of. That makes a ton of sense.
33:16
If I were to use hypno kink, what I'd probably want is to
33:19
just have that deeper feeling of submission and enjoyment that I
33:23
already feel I hit quite naturally.
33:25
Honestly, a hand on my neck. I've been known to go into
33:29
subspace so quickly and that's almost like hypnosis in itself.
33:33
Just that touch. Even just a touch can be what we
33:36
call an anchor, which can create another state.
33:40
And the more you do it, the more repetition it just becomes.
33:43
The program that you run, you get wired to have that state.
33:47
So the more you do it, the more intense, the better it gets.
33:50
If I wanted to find someone to play with hypnokink with, do you
33:56
have any suggestions of how to find someone I can?
33:59
Trust so the best thing for that in the community to just see
34:03
who's doing it. Ask around and get a referral.
34:07
Someone should introduce you, you should check them out.
34:10
Don't just go with the first one that you meet.
34:12
You want to really know that they know what they're doing,
34:15
that they have training, that they're ethical.
34:18
You know you want to be able to communicate with them in a deep
34:21
level so that none of this just out of the blue random person,
34:25
do you really want to get to know them or know that someone
34:28
has vetted them already. OK, thank you for answering
34:31
that. As you were answering and I was
34:33
like wait no, I want to become someone who knows how to play
34:37
with hypnotic. How would I start to?
34:40
Learn. I would say you should
34:42
definitely learn how to do hypnosis in general.
34:44
Take a class, learn how to do it, not just a book.
34:48
Maybe you start reading that you kind of take like a training
34:50
with someone and then learn how to put someone in a trance, what
34:54
that looks like so that you're confident that you can do it
34:57
because you're responsible for keeping your partner safe and
35:01
for bringing them in and then bringing them out and making
35:04
sure they're back. You also want to know how to
35:06
care for them after you play because there's a little bit of
35:09
aftercare after that. And you want to know also if
35:13
they have any trauma, you know who's a good candidate for that
35:16
because you might not want to do it with just about anyone.
35:19
So you have to have a person that has good boundaries and
35:23
knows themselves well enough to speak up and has kind of a
35:27
support system around them so that you know they're stable.
35:30
If you're the hypnotizer versus Hypnote, you want to know your
35:35
stuff, You want to know how to do that, how to create the
35:37
container in the Safeway, and you also want to communicate
35:41
before what exactly you're going to do together and build in
35:44
safety and consent. OK I rolled my eyes a little
35:48
because I'm like I'm imagine up fantasy of putting my partner
35:52
into trance but like I don't think it works that way does it?
35:55
I need that. You have to have consent.
35:58
You have to. Even if you're pretending or
36:00
playing or imagining that you have no consent, that's part of
36:04
the negotiation that you would have beforehand.
36:06
You're doing that because you want to make sure you're
36:08
grounded in a place of reality. Because even in play or kink,
36:12
there's a level of hypnosis that's naturally happening
36:15
anyway. It's why people do things they
36:18
don't want to do sometimes, or they can take a lot more
36:21
impacts, for example, they're in that state already.
36:24
It's very heightened. So the more you know, the more
36:27
you can protect the person that you're with and keep them safe
36:30
and yourself safe. Keep the boundaries.
36:32
Yeah, it's serious. Yeah, yeah, it's serious.
36:35
It's not casual. I would not say go play with
36:38
anyone. You really want to know who
36:40
you're getting involved with just in any type of scene, OK,
36:44
Hypnosis or not? Do you offer general hypnosis
36:47
classes or would you recommend I go somewhere where in person or
36:51
go to someone who like specializes in teaching to kick
36:54
start my journey? So I'm.
36:55
Starting to get asked more and more to teach that.
36:58
So you could do a one-on-one with me or you can go to a
37:02
school. There's one in LA, the one that
37:05
I trained at HMI in the Valley, Tarzana.
37:08
It's a year long program, so there's six months of education
37:12
and there's a mentorship. So there are 6 month classes and
37:15
then you learn from someone. How do you level up from that
37:18
six month class? Yeah.
37:19
So you can train with hypnosis school or you can do a
37:23
certification. I think the criteria would be
37:25
find Someone Like You, like their style, they have a good
37:28
reputation, they have a good program, you have testimonials,
37:32
someone that recommended it. Just find something that fits
37:35
for you. You could learn hypnosis in a
37:37
weekend or you can learn it in a six month period.
37:41
Like I did that and then I did like a residency and saw clients
37:44
in the clinic for a year. That's what I did in my
37:47
training, but not all training is as thorough as that.
37:50
So ask around. You want to be learning from
37:53
someone that's been doing it a while because a lot can come up.
37:56
You have to be ready to hold space for people in all kinds of
37:59
ways, and a lot of us have like trauma or instability.
38:03
We want to know how to hold space in the right way,
38:05
especially when playing with these big emotions and states.
38:09
Yeah, because I think that when you're dealing with the
38:12
subconscious too, I don't know if you're ready for what could
38:16
come up. I know even my own experiences,
38:18
some things that I've never really thought mattered, I find
38:21
out during a session actually mattered a lot to me and hurt a
38:25
lot. So yeah, you have to be ready
38:27
for anything. Anything could happen.
38:29
People can get activated, things can come up from the past, Tears
38:33
can happen. Well, like panic can happen.
38:36
You want to be able to do aftercare.
38:38
You want to be able to stop everything and just deal with
38:40
what's coming up and make sure everyone's OK.
38:42
Yeah. So this requires a lot of like
38:44
ethical behavior. So really focusing on your
38:48
partner. Absolutely.
38:50
So yeah, it's not all about like I'm going to make them do
38:53
whatever I want. It's not like that as a person
38:56
doing it or being the top or guiding, you have to be aware of
39:00
so many things to hold that space so they can relax into
39:03
your skills and enjoy and have fun.
39:05
So what I'm really learning is just like in dominance and
39:08
submission that doesn't involve hypnosis, hypno kink is the same
39:11
way, and hypnotism in general. It's not just do what I say at
39:15
all. It's very much like how am I
39:17
holding space for this person and protecting them on their
39:20
journey into this submissive or trance state?
39:24
Right. As you were saying that, I'm
39:25
thinking like the way that I do it is going to be different than
39:28
how my partner does it. She could just walk in the room
39:31
and everyone goes, yeah, and they're in it.
39:33
And she's not trained. She's just hypnotic.
39:36
So she has a lot of power being a Dom in a room, and it's just
39:40
you have that presence. So everyone has their different
39:42
kind of their vibes or their way of kind of guiding the scene.
39:47
So just know that you have a lot of power as a dominant or you
39:51
know. Well, I'll be.
39:52
Having hypnosis or not? I'll be having your partner on
39:57
this podcast. What I'm going to tell you is I
40:00
don't know if she's going to make me squirm in my seat the
40:02
way you have. I don't know.
40:03
You are truly hypnotic yourself in that at points while you're
40:07
talking, my hair stands on edge and I get excited.
40:11
And then you do have that natural.
40:13
Well, maybe it's not such a natural ability, but I feel it.
40:16
I feel the presence, I feel the command and.
40:18
Oh, thanks. It's very captivating.
40:20
Thank you, that means a lot. I have my own style, so
40:23
sometimes I'm like, I want to be more like her, you know, But we
40:26
have to be like who we are and, you know, authentic to us and
40:29
just be ourselves. I will report back on the
40:31
different feelings because I also think it's interesting to
40:34
be like, well, I have to tell Jordan during this, I'm like,
40:37
I've definitely felt some of what I felt on our calls before
40:40
and maybe it is because you've hypnotized me before and we've
40:42
done a session together which was amazing.
40:45
But enough about me, in my sessions, I want to ask for
40:48
anyone else who would love to experience the wonderful Jordan
40:51
Wolin. Where can they find you?
40:54
So people can find me at my website whichisjordanwolin.com.
40:58
I'm also on all the social media and I'm local to Lai, do a lot
41:03
of classes and events here. So if you'd like to meet me in
41:06
person, that's a great way to get to know me.
41:08
As I said before, I work online and in person so wherever you
41:12
are we can totally meet up. Awesome, and as I said, I did a
41:16
virtual session with you that worked really well.
41:18
You were the first virtual hypnotherapy session I've done,
41:23
but it definitely worked just as well as my in person sessions.
41:26
It was on a different thing that I'd say I normally work with
41:29
people on, but I loved it, Highly recommend.
41:32
And I've even referred clients to Jordan and that's sort of how
41:35
we developed a closer relationship too.
41:37
Thank. You thank you so much for coming
41:39
on the podcast today. So more people can just even
41:42
understand hypnotherapy as a modality that could help them
41:46
ultimately have better sex, among many other things.
41:49
Exactly. And I'm just so glad that you
41:52
got a chance to experience it for yourself, because that's
41:54
half of it right there. You know, it's one thing for me
41:57
to tell everyone how wonderful it is.
41:58
It's another thing for you to experience it for yourself, and
42:01
you get what you get from it. And yeah, more fun, more East.
42:06
And it does feel magic, have inspiration, you know, because
42:10
you do walk out feeling different or you wake up out of
42:13
it and just feel like a different energy that I want
42:16
everyone to experience at least once in their life, truly,
42:19
whether it's with you, Jordan, or if they find someone local
42:21
that they find works for them. I am a firm believer in
42:24
hypnotherapy. I've talked about it before and
42:26
I'm so excited. Thank you so much for sharing
42:29
all of your experiences and stories.
42:31
This has been a lot of fun. Yeah.
42:32
Thanks so much, Samantha for having me.
42:34
This has been a real pleasure. If you enjoyed this episode,
42:38
don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with
42:41
anyone who might find it interesting.
42:43
And if you have any questions or topics you'd like me to cover in
42:46
future episodes, feel free to reach out e-mail
42:48
info@thekingconsultant.com. Until next time, keep on Kinkin
42:53
on.