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Single Girl Myths · Hey Hana

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Hello everybody, welcome into Hey Hannah.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Hannah Ostovchuk Grouse.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: I hope everyone is having such a good week.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like, what do they say?
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: The days are long, but the years are short.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's how I feel.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Quick update we have frost into the 12 weeks postpartum territory.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: That means my baby is 12 weeks old, and that means that the fourth trimester is officially over, which is crazy.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's like this sort of unwritten, unspoken thing, the fourth trimester.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: And to be totally fair, I had no idea the fourth trimester was even a thing.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: People discussed my entire life up until I was pregnant.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now that I've experienced that section of time, it's safe to say that I wasn't prepared for it.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'm happy it's over.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I wish I could be one of those people who's like, the newborn stage is just the sweetest.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you guys have heard me talk about this week after week.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's been a bit of a difficulty for me to get used to.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: But I do feel like we finally hit a really good stride.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: I think I say that every week where I'm like, I think I figured it out.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then it changes.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm just not making any promises to myself anymore.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, to break it down, I feel like Peter and I had a bit of a weird stretch where things were just increasingly difficult.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like getting her down for a nap was really hard.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Getting her to stay asleep was really hard.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: She was constantly waking up in the middle of the night every two, three hours.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, what is going on?
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: It was probably like that for about a little over a week to two weeks.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Then we hit the 12-week mark.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, wait a minute, hold the phone.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Suddenly things got a little bit easier.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like she was actually going down for a nap.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: She was actually staying asleep.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: And we weren't in this vicious cycle of her not sleeping well.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: We probably had about like two, three days of that where we were like, okay, okay, we're back.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: We got this.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: This looks good.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: This feels good.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: And everything came to a head last night when we were like, what is going on?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because she was screaming a true bloody murder for about two hours to the point where Peter and I looked at each other and we were like, What do we do?
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: What do we do?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: And those moments are so hard because you can't help but like not help each other in that moment because you both are stressed.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: The cortisol has risen in the room in general.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody's stressed out.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: And then you can't even hear each other.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, even if we're trying to talk to each other and we're like trying to help each other out, you can't even really communicate on how to help each other.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: So just frustration is flying, you know?
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: So two hours of her screaming wasn't our best moment.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: The night started off so strong.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: She was having a good nap.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: We were able to quickly shower, get ready.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, okay, great, let's give her a bath.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: When she woke up, she'll go right back down to sleep.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Nope.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Two hours full, full screaming to the point where I was like, should I text my friends?
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, is this normal?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, do other babies do this?
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to like take a lap, but it was already dark out.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I wanted to like just put, you know, when babies need exposure to a new area, you bring them outside or you bring them into a garage or another room or just like something that smells different and looks different just to reset their system.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: I was wanting to do that, but it was already dark out.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, we're going to bed eventually, and we're going to bed and we're thinking, what did we miss?
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like, did something happen?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Is this a growth spurt?
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And Peyton always tells me, ignore any of the growth spurts in the first six months because you're constantly in a vicious cycle of growth spurts.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like everything is a growth spurt.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: She's constantly growing right now.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: Everything is a regression.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Everything is real.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: So just like embrace all of it and know that none of it is really going to add up or make sense.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like thinking that as I'm going to bed.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then this morning I wake up and I have a notification on my phone that we're entering leap three.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is also confusing if you don't have kids because I have a child and I don't even know what this means.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: But when I was doing some quote unquote research from the hospital bed, aka just scrolling TikTok, looking at what people use to monitor and watch their baby's routines in those first few months.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: One of the apps that people suggested using was called Wonder Weeks, I believe.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: I could be saying that wrong.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it is, I deleted it because I ended up not wanting to watch her schedule that closely.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it sort of overwhelmed me.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I deleted the app.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: But the purpose of the app was to tell you when they are going through said growth spurt.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: And they called these leaps.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: So like leap one, leap two, leap three.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think it goes up to like six or actually, I have no idea.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why I said six.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: I fully have no idea.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: It could be 12.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: It goes up to a bunch of leaps, and it'll tell you based on your baby's due date and their birth when you're supposed to hit these leaps.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: These leaps could last anywhere from like five to 10 days.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's also a very broad time, which overwhelms me, which is why I deleted the app.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: But lo and behold, to me, even though I deleted the app, the notification still exists on my calendar.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's all still updated on my calendar.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: When I woke up this morning and I saw that I had a notification that Andy had entered leap three, I was like, oh, leap three has fully entered the chat.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why she was having a moment last night.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying not to say like she was behaving badly or poorly, because like she's literally just a baby and has absolutely no idea what she's doing and what's good or what's bad.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: She just knows that she's tired and she wants to go to sleep.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's what was happening.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, leap three is here, and I don't even know what that means, except for the fact that something is happening in her brain, and she would like me to know about it constantly.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: 12 weeks is here, fourth trimester is officially over.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I keep hearing that that's a huge milestone, but from where I'm standing, it just means that I no longer have an excuse for anything.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like I no longer am like, oh, she's just a little itty bitty, you know, 11 week old.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm like, oh, I should start saying three months.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: She's three months old, not 12 weeks, you know.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm at that phase of it.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: But I really do hear, fellow moms, if this is true for you, let me know.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: I really do hear that a corner turns at 12 weeks in terms of their sleeping and temperament altogether.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: They just become more baby-like and less infant-like, which means sleeping a little bit more, getting a little bit more comfortable with their surroundings.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Also, I know getting a little bit more alert, but I'm so excited for that.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: I said this before, but I really can't wait till she giggles.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like we are on the cusp of that happening.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it'll just be the sweetest day in the whole world.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: I cannot wait.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so that is my life of baby update.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: What else can we talk about?
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like everybody is talking about the Summer House Reunion.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: From where I'm sitting, part three of the reunion actually airs this week, tonight, as I'm recording this.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: So by the time you're listening to this, it will already be out.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: So everything I'm saying is going to be a little late, but I'm gonna say it anyways.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: My thoughts, my feelings on Summer House Reunion Part two.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll keep this really quick, but I just feel like we've lost the plot.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: We've really lost the plot.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Amanda and Wes aren't really saying anything.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: And everybody's sort of forgetting that Kyle is like not the best husband, particularly a pretty bad husband, I would say.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: And him getting mad at West for ruining his moment of buying Amanda the watch.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I was like, what are we talking about?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Wes had to apologize to Kyle for saying making a Leonardo DiCaprio joke after Kyle bought Amanda a watch.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: I just like, what does that have to do with anything?
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: To me, I'm just like, what are we talking about?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Why is that a thing?
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: And why does Wes have to apologize for that?
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: That is the most irrelevant thing happening.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: And for Kyle to just like play victim of Wes ruining a moment between him and Amanda is so silly to me because the point is, is that Kyle was a pretty crap husband and it was documented on national television.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of just saying, I behaved poorly or like I made really bad decisions and I apologize.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I think he said a little bit of that, but instead of like really honing in on that, he just then said that he was so upset his feelings were really hurt by a joke West made in his confessionals.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just like, and the fact that everyone was talking about that, I was like, he still dropped the F bomb in reference to his wife.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you can't do that.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: It was insane.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, I don't even have any more riveting thoughts about this.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's just the whole thing is like really quite sad.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's a pretty dark reunion.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's crazy that Amanda and Wes are seemingly still together.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Now I know at the end of the day, it's like, oh, these people's marriage was over.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: So what that she's seeing this other guy.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: I just like the whole thing just seems really sad to me.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: I just feel like nobody is thinking of anyone else but themselves, except for obviously Sierra.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: She thought of everyone but herself.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: And Mia is just so fun to watch.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: I can't wait to see her grow with this franchise because I really feel like she's becoming a huge fan favorite.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I just think that at the end of the day, Kyle is not great at being a husband and he really needs to grow up.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I also think that Amanda, although very different from Kyle and how he's handled the relationship, also has just seemingly like not been interested in her marriage and has been sort of checked out for a long time.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: Her lack of support to Kyle over the years, especially this past season, was so jarring.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's clear that this partnership had its issues, and it's clear that both of these people were not in a good place and have not been in a good place.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm just like, why are we not talking about that?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: At the end of the day, and this is the last thing, the last thing I'll say about this, because if you don't watch Summer House, I'm so sorry I'm boring you.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: But the last thing I'm gonna say is that I still really need, and I hope this happens tonight, but I really need Andy to just ask Amanda point blank at what point in your relationship with Wes or in these developed feelings for Wes, did you think about Sierra and did you not think about her?
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: And when you did think about her, did it ever occur to you that you would be ruining your friendship with her based on your actions with Wes going forward?
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I just need him to break down how Amanda feels about Sierra, period, and if and when she ever thought about her in the process of quote catching feelings for West, you know?
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, for some reason that whole thing like hurt my brain.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard to do a TV recap totally by myself.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: I like need to talk to someone about the stupid details of it all.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: So, like I feel a little psychotic just having these thoughts out loud, saying them all out loud to myself.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Normally I'm saying them to a friend on the phone or to, you know, someone else, anyone who will listen, and we're like agreeing or disagreeing on certain things, and I'm just like rifting by myself, talking about these random people who will never know who I am.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Totally normal.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: So that was my summer house reunion part two thoughts.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I also need to tell you where I'm at mentally, because I think this says everything.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: The other night, I not only put on Modern Family, but I put on Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Not ironically, but I just needed something that was not going to ask anything of me, you know, like something light, something fluffy, zero stakes in the game, zero darkness.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: So if you guys have any recommendations in that vein in terms of television, please send them.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: Let me know.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: This is not my era of life to be like a prestige television commentator.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: I cannot comment on new and exciting television outside of reality TV because it just bodes to be unsafe.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: I mean that in terms of my like mental health postpartum.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: I can't take any darkness.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: I need light and fluffy only.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: I've thought about watching Love Island.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: I just need a moment of silence for Love Island.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I can do it.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a full-time job.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: An episode every single night.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Truly, I don't think I can do it.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's also borderline pornography to me.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: I have a hard time watching it.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: I sort of always had, like I have to watch with one eye open as I'm doing something else.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: But I just don't think I'm going to.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so far, I don't hear anyone talking about how great it is or how much they love this person or this person.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm just gonna accept defeat on Love Island.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I'm gonna get into it this season.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still watching Real Housewives of Rhode Island.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: I need to catch up on In the City.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't even watch the first episode, but I'm just in the mood for some silly goose television.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Modern Family Season One, I started.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's such an easy, funny watch.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why that show will truly never disappoint.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a modern friends, you know?
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: And Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, just gives me all the nostalgic vibes.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's like I used to be obsessed with Full House when I was a kid.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: I watched it every single day.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I recently re-watched it, like recently is in the past three years, I decided to re-watch it from beginning to end.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: I did this when I was still living in New York.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: It was like the thing I would do after work is I would come home and put on episodes of Full House, and it was so freaking cute.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: There's something so sweet about watching old sitcoms in order.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'll always love it.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what that says about me, and I don't really want to know.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: But again, I'm really just not in this sort of prestige TV era right now, and I'm totally at peace with that.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: So if you guys have any suggestions on feel-good TV shows that are fun to watch from the beginning, I'm all ears.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so speaking of TV and things I've been watching, it all got me thinking about something this week.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: And this also popped into my head based on a conversation I was having with one of my best friends this past weekend, who also happens to be single.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: But you know how TV shows and movies always show the single woman doing something in sort of a way where it appears sad.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like she's making dinner alone, and it's supposed to be this image of loneliness and like a montage to help set up the character and just like illustrate.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh yeah, because she's eating dinner home alone, just so you know, she's single.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: This happens in the beginning of Made in Manhattan with Jennifer Lopez.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's Hollywood's way of communicating that she works really hard but is single and doesn't have anyone to come home to, and something like that.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: I do feel like we often see two different trobes of a single woman on television.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: And one is like the crazy party girl who is a little messy, and the other one is the girl who's successful, but like comes home alone and eats her sad dinner by herself or something like that.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I wanted to talk about this because I feel like this is one of the biggest myths out there, that one of the biggest single girl myths.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: The things that we assume about single women are just so backwards.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, I'm just gonna dive into this, talking about the first example I gave, the solo night.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: Why do we think that the solo night in is sad?
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: Hollywood has this very specific image of single woman on a Friday night, the sad pasta, the one glass of wine.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: You know, maybe she's staring out the window, maybe she has a cat.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, there's always a cat.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: What's that movie with Sandra Bullock?
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, it's on the tip of my tongue.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's a Christmas movie, and she pretends to be in love with a man even though he's never met her.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: Peter Galloway, oh my god, what is the movie?
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: While you were sleeping.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: In the movie, while you were sleeping.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: She's home alone, she has a cat, she's eating her dinner, there's Christmas music on, and everything seems to be a little sad for her.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: The whole setup is designed to make you feel like something went wrong in her life.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like the quiet is a bad thing.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just here to say I think that's insane.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Coming from someone who's now on the other side of this, I felt like I was single for so long.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I had so many thoughts about that.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: But my main point is that now that I'm a new mom, I so look forward to the idea of spending a night completely by myself watching what I want to watch and eating what I want to eat.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I do think that most women would say the exact same thing.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: All we want to do is spend a quiet night indulging in our little favorite things, whether that's like just doing the skincare routine you like to do with no interruptions, you know, or just taking your time in the shower, doing your hair, getting ready for the next day, thinking what you're gonna wear to work the next day, making dinner, or not even making dinner, ordering in dinner.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I used to order pad thai all the time.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I would just love to sit in bed and eat a big bowl of Chipotle because I love it so much, and watch Real Housewives of New York season one.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: That to me is pure bliss, pure joy.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I just feel like a lot of times in movies, they emulate the opposite.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like they want us to think that spending the night by yourself is a bad thing.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: And the funny part is we're all choosing to do that.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like women everywhere are choosing to have that Friday night alone.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: I actually remember when I was living in New York, single.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: I talk about New York all the time, but it was, it just happened to be the era of my life where I felt like I was the most competent version of my single self, which is why I bring it up.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: But I was working at Amazon Sports and I had the most rigorous schedule.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: I had a TV show that aired at 7 p.m.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I didn't get off work till super late, like 8:30.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I would get to work early too, because I had a part on the morning TV show.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: That show started at 7 a.m.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: My point is, my days were insanely long.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember, I think there was like one.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: I tell my mom this story because I'm like, why did you say this to me?
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: But I remember there was one day I was walking home and it was a Friday night, and my mom was like, What are you doing tonight?
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, you know what?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: I am so exhausted from this week.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: I want to sit at home and I'm gonna order pizza.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: I never order pizza.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard to order pizza when you live alone because you're like, what am I gonna do with an entire freaking pizza?
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: But I lived above a pizza joint that happened to be one of the most popular ones in New York City, and it was one of my personal favorites.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: It was called Emily's Pizza.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why I'm not saying it.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: They have this like delicious Detroit style pizza.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: I lived above the one in the West Village, and they knew me downstairs because whenever I had company, we would always go down and get a drink and get a burger.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: They also had really good burgers, anyways.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm walking by that place as I'm about to go up to my building, and I'm like, oh, you know what, mom?
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I I think I'm gonna go to Emily's and get a pizza.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: And she was like, Oh, Hannah, don't do that.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's so sad.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember being like, What?
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: What do you mean?
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like, all I wanted to do, especially from my job, which was so extroverted, like when you work at television, you're talking all day and you're sitting in a bright room and you have makeup on your face, and you have to smile and respond and be so alert and on when you're obviously on camera.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I was just burnt out after a week of that.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, no, I just want to like sit in a dark room and have my hair up in a messy bun and like eat some food and not think about anything and like not have to use my brain.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: But when my mom said that, I remember I was like, oh my God, is it sad?
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: It is it sad to order pizza?
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like I didn't think that way.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: And my mom said it from a place of protection.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, she always wanted me, and I could talk about this fully in another episode, but like, she always wanted me to like go out and meet people and hang out with my friends and like I had just worked really hard.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why would you sit at home?
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: I live far away from my family.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: So to her, me saying that I was gonna sit at home for the night like sounded like I was down.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: When in reality, I was choosing that opportunity for myself.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to do that.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: That to me was joy.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: And now that I'm on the other side where I'm not working 12 hours a day, I'm not on camera every day, and I'm actually just at home taking care of a newborn most of the time.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: I feel the same way.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: I want to make that choice.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's what a quote unquote sad Friday night actually includes: it includes ordering exactly what you wanted with without negotiation.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's like the world is your oyster.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have plans tonight.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not seeing anyone tonight, nobody's coming over.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: I can order whatever I want.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: What are you in the mood for?
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then you're watching whatever you want, no compromises.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: No, I have to wait for this person to be here because we're watching the show together.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: No, oh, are they gonna judge me if I watch season one, Real Housewives in New York?
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why that's on my mind.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I need to go back and watch that because I keep referencing it.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: You eat at your own pace, your own temperature.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: You can eat on the couch, on the bed.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no judgment.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody needs anything from you.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: You can be in bed by nine o'clock.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: You can be in bed by 1 a.m.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't matter.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: Or you could just sit there and like half-watch something and scroll on your phone if you feel like doing so.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it feels like a luxury experience.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I say this as someone whose baby has fully decided the bedtime is more of like a loose concept than an actual time.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: So the trobe that assumes that the main character is always waiting for something, like a quiet evening, is just a gap in her life before the real thing happens.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's annoying.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm bringing this up because I feel like it's the first myth of a single girl.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: When really it's a specific kind of freedom that a lot of people are pretty jealous of and won't really say, okay, this myth of a single girl is that your single friend loves being your entertaining single friend.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God, I could really go off on this one.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: There's this thing that happens to single women, especially when they're in groups of other women, where most people are coupled up and married, have been coupled up or married for quite some time.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: Their dating life now becomes the group's favorite topic.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: And she becomes that character.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: She becomes like the fun one, the messy one, the one with all the fun stories.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh, did you go on any fun dates this weekend, Hannah?
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: Hannah, who are you talking to?
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: Who are you seeing now?
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: Wait, so tell me, I need to hear about all of your dates.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like, who have you been seeing?
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: Did that guy text you back?
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, whatever happened to this guy.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think in reality, your single friend might play into this sometimes.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, she might show up to dinner and have a fun story because that's what the room wants.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm here to say that this does not mean that she loves it.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it is exhausting for the single girl.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because, okay, and the bottom line in all of this is that sometimes the single friend can be entertaining, but it's her choice.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: She has to bring up the story.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: If the single friend is offering up what happened and telling the story and starting the conversation by being like, Oh, I went on a date this past weekend.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you about it.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's a totally different story.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's how it should be.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: Your friend should be bringing this story.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: That she wants to tell, but it's not up to the non-single friends to need that entertainment when they're around and to sort of request it.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: I have to remind myself of all of this as the now married friend.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: I was a single friend for so long.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so often when people would ask me about my dating life in terms of entertainment, again, this would specifically happen around a group of people.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: I would sort of like crumble.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: You feel like you have to turn on, right?
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like that TV Hannah comes out and I'm like, oh yeah, haha, let me tell you this funny dating story.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: Make everyone laugh and they make a comment, like, oh my gosh, to be single or to be young or like whatever the heck, the stupid thing they want to say.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like performing and like on demand.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: I need to tell you what happened in like a really funny, chaotic way.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: Cause like, oh, that's what this is being single.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: When in reality, what I would want to say is like, oh, I, you know, I went on like such a disappointing date this week.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: I knew within the first 10 seconds that this guy was a dead.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I finished the date anyways.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: And if you said that, they'd be like, wait, why was he a dad?
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me why.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's so funny to think about because I do this now on the other side.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, my friends will offer up information, some fun stories that have happened to them in their, you know, recent weeks.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to remind myself not to divulge, like not to really dive in unless they're leading the conversation.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because it only sounds entertaining because you're removed from it.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: From the inside, like from the single person, you have to remember this is just their Tuesday.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's the thing that they're navigating while they're also going to work.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: They're also trying to be there for their family, be there for their friends, doing laundry and calling their mom back, you know?
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: Your single friends are not your entertainment.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: They're not the group's entertainment.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: And the more those experiences happen where they feel like they need to share with the class how everything is going in like a funny way, the less likely they are to want to tell you as a real friend what's going on when they need it.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: I used to go into work and always have a story about who I saw that week if I was talking to anyone.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes my colleagues would ask, and it became like a source of entertainment for my colleagues in a relationship.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes you feel like telling the story.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like sometimes you, it's like it is a funny story and you want to share it and you're in good spirits about it.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes it's so exhausting to recount things that aren't working out because ultimately it feels like actually, you know what it is?
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: Ultimately, it feels like a little bit of a disappointment, or it could even feel like a failure sometimes.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: But it's also you can't filter the reaction of the people you're telling.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes people react in really stupid ways.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like they say really stupid stuff in reaction to your dating life that feels a little judgy and can make you feel like, well, you should do this.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: If you did this differently, that probably wouldn't have happened, or maybe, or like, God forbid, somebody says something like, Oh, you should give them another chance.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: So annoying.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like, don't say that.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: You just have to follow your friend's lead.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, follow if you're the married friend or the friend in a long relationship with the single friend, you just have to follow her lead.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: If she wants to talk about it, she will talk to you about it.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: She wants your advice, she will ask you for your advice.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're in a group setting and somebody says, like, hey, wait, hey, Amanda, you're still single.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: Who are you dating?
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: Who are you talking to?
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: And you're there with your friend, just like squash it, you know?
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: Let Amanda answer politely, super quickly, and then like quickly change the subject because sometimes they really could just be over it and not in the mood to like recap on demand in front of everyone.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and this leads me to my last myth.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: The myth of it's fine to ask if it comes from a good place.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, this one makes me laugh because it's a little sneaky.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: It usually does come from a good place.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: Your friends love you, they're curious, they're interested in your life.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's how they show you that they love you.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: They want to say to you, Who are you dating?
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: Did you hear from that guy?
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: Wait, how did it go with the guy from last week?
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: Wait, you did tell me about da-da-da-da-da.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: What does he look like?
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: What does he do?
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_00: Can you send me a picture?
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: Are you seeing anyone?
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: Wait, are you on the apps?
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you on that app?
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: How long have you been on that app?
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, let me see your profile.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: Again, no, no, no.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: I know the intent is good.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sorry, this one is so similar to myth number two, but they go hand in hand.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: I know the intent is good, but the intent and the impact are two different things.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where it gets a little exhausting.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: Although those questions are harmless, and it could be you genuinely wanting to know about your friend and your friend's life and this corner of their life that you are uninvolved in.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like none of those questions are malicious.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: But they, I can't explain how in the moment they just feel really defeating.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: I think when I was like 23, I enjoyed showing people my profile or something like that.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to send a picture of the cute guy I had a date with on that Friday night because it is fun.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: It was fun.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: But it got to a point where dating felt like sort of tedious.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: And like I had my own strategies of doing things.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: I had my own comfort zones of doing things, and I did not need to explain that to anyone because everyone has an opinion and nobody gets it.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like nobody gets what it feels like to be you as the single person in your situation, wherever you live, wherever your friends are, wherever your family is, whatever your job looks like, whatever your routine is, it's always going to be different.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_00: These questions also signal that your relationship status is the most interesting thing about you.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas, let me remind you, it is not.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: It simply is not.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: Even going back to my mom saying the thing about like, no, don't stay home and eat pizza.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: That felt like an expectation.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like she expected me to go out and to be seeing someone instead and to, you know, go on a date or like get a drink with a friend.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: And like that to her seemed better.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: When in reality, my decision about staying in and enjoying my quiet time was the most joyful thing I could think of doing at that moment.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't going out and socializing.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: There's so much more I could say about this one.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I could really dive into this because these questions as a single person bothered me so deeply.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're like, you know, uh a colleague or a friend of a friend or someone I just ran into and asked, like, hey, are you seeing anyone?
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I understand that that could be different.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: A, I still don't think it's appropriate.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: But B, I because it feels exhausting to say, no, no, I'm not.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_00: It feels really defeating and it's like, it's like it's not a good feeling.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: And it could remind a single person of like a weird situation ship they're in in that moment.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: And just like, it's just not fun.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's not fun to answer unless they offer that information first, you know.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're a good friend asking your single friend, like, let me see a picture, let me da da da da da.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um I just don't think that's fair to do anymore.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think we should be doing that anymore.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: Especially into your 30s.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you're just entering the dating scene, it is fun for a little bit and it's fun for the beginning.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: And again, if the single person offers that information and wants to share her profile, wants to show you the cute guy, wants to show you the conversation, that's one thing.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're asking for it, just don't.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_00: Just like my advice is to not, you know, it's too much on the spot and it it puts this additional pressure on the single person who's already feeling extreme pressure from even herself on how to do things.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you don't see the conversations that everyone's having on their dates, in their text messages.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes even just a text texting with a guy and knowing, am I gonna see him Friday?
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: Is he gonna flake?
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: Is this guy normal?
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: And trying to filter out your actual dating life can be exhausting, let alone trying to explain it to people afterwards.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then you're explaining it to people who are in relationships and who are so far removed.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: So you're having to like clean it up a little bit in the way that you explain it to tailor it to that person so they understand it.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: And then God forbid they don't understand it and ask you why you're doing what you're doing.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, oh my God, I can't freaking win.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: You're just trying to like get through your week and find someone that you have a crush on and enjoy hanging out with.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's a really hard thing to do to begin with, is my point.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_00: So then when you have to sort of explain it to everyone and then tailor your explanations to certain friends who ask follow-up questions, it's a lot, it's a lot of pressure.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_00: So this is just a reminder that this quote unquote, like, I'm just coming from a good place framing is a little bit of like a, you know, get out of jail free card that we give ourselves.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I know the intention is good, but it excuses us from thinking about the impact.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like your single question has probably answered some versions of those questions at every single social gathering for years.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like, really think about that.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: It adds up, you know?
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: So just follow their lead.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: If they want to talk about someone they're seeing, great, they're gonna bring it up.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_00: If they want to tell you that they met someone, great, they're gonna bring it up.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: I actually had to tell my mom at one point, I was like, we don't ask.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like, do not ask me anything about dating life.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: I will tell you when I meet someone.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I will tell you when I meet someone who I like.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: But in the meantime, I'll tell you like, if you ask me, what are you doing tonight?
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I have a date, I'll say I have a date.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_00: We're not diving into this conversation.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_00: And if the date goes well, you'll hear about it.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_00: But if not, I'm not gonna tell you about it.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: Cause it just was all too exhausting.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_00: Going on like early dates is also hard.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: You have to talk so much about yourself, and it feels like a little bit of an audition, a little bit of performing.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_00: You have to be charismatic and polite, and you have to think about if you see this guy in your life fitting into your life.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: I know this all sounds like a lot, but this is the stuff that I would think about constantly in my singlehood.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm just saying this as someone from the other side.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: These single myths.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: The single girl narrative just like needs to be checked.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: It needs to be rewritten a little bit.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, okay.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I could really keep expanding on this topic alone if you guys want to talk more about single girl myths and some other things we should keep in mind for our single friends.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_00: Let me know, especially if you're one of the single girls.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to hear from you.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_00: But thank you guys so much for listening to today's episode, and I hope everyone has a great week.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: Bye for now.