Latest / Groove with Portia / Grief, Gratitude, and the Power of Community

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Grief, Gratitude, and the Power of Community · Groove with Portia

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Welcome to grou Porsche, the podcast that uncovers the hidden
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: treasures within grief. I'm your host, Porsche the Producer, and
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: I'm inviting you to join me on a transformative journey
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: where we were exchange laughter, of course the best medicine
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: of them all, reflect on cherish memories, remember that time
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: that the little boy grabbed my hand instead of his
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: mother's at the amusement park yikes, And of course, discover
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: gratitude while navigating one of life's hardest challenges lost. So
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: get ready to grow with me, Porsche the Producer, let's
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: dive in. Hello everybody, and welcome back to Groo with Porsche.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: I am your host, Porsche Booker and is always don't
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: forget to like, share and subscribe to keep it with
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: the latest and greatest of all, with Grew with Porsche.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: So the other night, everybody, I was sitting at my
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: computer and going through some old photos. You know how
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: that is when you go down the old photo memory lane,
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: you find pictures that hold their own grief attached to them, right,
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: And some of you know my story about when I
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: had my TV career take a pivot and transition, and
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: I just so happened to find a few old videos
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: of when I used to anchor, and when I was
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: sitting in the moment watching these videos, I felt a
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: big sense of joy for the first time in years.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: And the reason being is because I've made peace with
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: that story, right, because that scar of what I went
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: through and TV has left an imprint on who I
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: am today. So today I Grup Porsche everybody. I'm joined
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: by an amazing individual who I met through a mutual
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: friend through Facebook, who is a professional certified coach. Also,
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: they were a former fraud investigator and also in the
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: UNI United States Air Force. Thank you for your service,
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: and they are on a mission to help high achievers
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: to really cultivate joy into their life and also really
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: find themselves through self expression. So welcome, without further delay,
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Helene kennyak Helene, Welcome to group of porsch. How are
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: you today?
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: Hi, Porscha, Thank you so much for having me and
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: I love that you started this podcast on a note
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: of like gratitude and joy looking back, because that's exactly
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: how I find myself feeling today, giving myself a lot
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: of credit for every opportunity that's led to this moment
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  Speaker 2: and gratitude for the time you're giving me on your
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: show and the opportunity for the conversation ahead.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Well, I agree. I think you know, we tend to bury, right,
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: the pieces of us that didn't grow into the direction
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: that we wanted to. Right. When I think back to
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: my TV career, it was short lived, and I know
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: that I was ashamed of that particular part of my
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: life because I had a version of myself that I
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: aspired to be, but realistically that was the version of
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: me that other people wanted and not what I wanted, right.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: And so I'm curious, Helene, what did it take for
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: you to know pun intended investigate the pieces of your
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: life that you found didn't bring you joy? Right? You
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: were in this very regimented on duty, right, and now
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: you're in this space of flowing in what I call
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: the self pool, right, the self direction of alignment. What
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: did it take for you to shed that layer and
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: really embody who you are today?
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: Beautiful question? And the answer to that is two lots
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: of wake up calls.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: It's kind of like that alarm going off, and then
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: every now and then you snooze the alarm, and then
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: another one comes in and eventually like something you have
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: nightmare and you wake up and you're like, oh, I
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: actually have to get to work now. It was very
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: similar to that experience. The first major wake up call
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: in my life that led to me having to reconsider
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: my identity up to that point in life, like as
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: a human being on this planet was the passing of
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: my mom. Was you know, my loss of her about
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: eleven years ago, and you know, her passing cracked open
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  Speaker 2: this external exoskeleton that I had built up, this identity
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: of the strong, responsible one who never needed anything, and
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: for me to shed that layer meant literally like kind
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: of like a hermit crab leaving at shell. I felt
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: very soft, very gooey, and I didn't know how to
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: be a vulnerable person. I didn't know how to embrace
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: vulnerability and viewed as a superpower. I felt overly sensitive.
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  Speaker 2: No one knew how to help me because I never
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: taught them how to help me. So I just I
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: felt so dis connected from I could not be the
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: person that I was before because I was in such
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: desperate need of care and love and nurturing that I
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: would normally exclusively get from my mom who was no
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: longer with me, and so I had to learn not
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: only how do I take care and love myself and
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  Speaker 2: rediscover all parts of me, including the soft, vulnerable ones
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  Speaker 2: that deserve to be seen and are actually a superpower,
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  Speaker 2: but then how do I take that and teach others
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  Speaker 2: how to take care of me because I have modeled
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: the best way to do that. So that was like
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: the big first wake up call. There are other little
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: ones that are more like subtle, like do you have
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: any hobbies? And then realizing I didn't, and then panicing
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: when I coworkers just casually like do you have any hobbies?
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: And it's like, oh no, I got a whole career
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: and I got no hobbies.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, you know, Helene, of course, I know.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: We talked about this when we first met, about sharing
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: that connection of losing both of our moms, And I
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: love how you brought up about that desperation of seeking
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: that void that was once filled by the love from
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  Speaker 1: our mothers. Right. You know, mother daughter relationships some are
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: more rough than other ones. But my mom was definitely
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: my best friend, right, Like I knew I could always
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: find a sense of solitude and grace and love no
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: matter what, and get that piece of advice. My mom
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: always said, you make the best of it. Make the
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: best of it, Darling, And I love how you also
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: brought up, Helene, how you had to learn to love
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: yourself right, really put into yourself the things that your
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: mom used to do. Who can no longer do that
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: because she's no longer physically here? And can you share
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: with our audience to Lene, what does your love language
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: look like for Helene today? Because I think so many
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: people don't realize what their love language is, and that
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: I think continues to funnel the disconnection.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: That's a beautiful insight, Portie. I think growing up I
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: would have labeled my love language as self criticism. Like
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: I grew up half French and half American, and the
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: French are very good at being a critical like always
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: looking for what could be a little bit better. And
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: even in my family, my mom and my dad, they
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: raised me with this, you know what could be improved?
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  Speaker 2: If I came home with like a ninety eight percent
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: on a test, They're like, but what about the other
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: two percent? Like how could we have improved that? And
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: so I really had a strong relationship to my inner critic,
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: and that used to be not just how I loved
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: myself through the language of self improvement at all costs.
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  Speaker 2: But it's also what led to me. It was how
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: I was in my friendships. Right, I'm the person you
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: would call when you wanted candid feedback and you wanted
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: someone to hold you accountable to a better version of yourself. Now,
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: did I turn that into my career, Yes, But I've
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  Speaker 2: also shifted it so that it's not just critical for
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  Speaker 2: the sake of improvement, it is present for this fulfillment.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: And so my love today for myself prioritizes my presence,
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  Speaker 2: what I am present to, so my capacity, my pleasure,
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  Speaker 2: Like what can my body do right now? What do
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  Speaker 2: I want? Like genuinely what would bring me pleasure, joy
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  Speaker 2: and fulfillment? And then once I know those things, what
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: steps can I take to sustain that in a sustainable fashion?
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: So rather than just burning out for the sake of
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: accomplishment and achievement and bullying my way into the next
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: you know, milestone, I love myself today by listening to
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  Speaker 2: myself first and foremost, listening to my body, honoring my values,
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: and giving myself so much more grace than I ever did,
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: because I've learned that it is in that ease in
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  Speaker 2: this gentleness with myself, that I'm able to show up
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  Speaker 2: more often with a better with more energy and more
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  Speaker 2: resources to help others, and I can make sure the
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  Speaker 2: pleasure that is leading my life is sustainable and fulfilling.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: You know, Helene, I'm glad you brought up about pleasure because,
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: let's be realistic, pleasure is kind of one of those
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  Speaker 1: taboo words for most people because immediately they think that
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  Speaker 1: it has to do with baseballs, baseball bats and filling tacos.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: If you catch my drift and so, Helene, what did
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: it take for you to learn to incorporate pleasure again
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  Speaker 1: considering the significant loss of your mother? And also how
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: can others learn to incorporate pleasure into there every day
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: and remember that that is the secret ingredient to really
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: finding fulfillment again in life.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: I'll start with your first question, which is how do
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: you and I think this is true for a lot
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: of us going through grief. There's always resistance I find
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: with like going from the the harder parts of grief,
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: like the sad and the anger and the devastation, and
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: the second we start wanting to reincorporate joy in our lives,
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: we can start feeling a little guilty about that, right
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: because it's like, well, how can I be happy when
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: something terrible just happened? And the solution philosophically is not
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: viewing it as an either or mutually exclusive concept, like
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: you encompass multitudes and these people who've passed on, whose
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: legacy live on within us. Whatever kind of grief you're
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: going through, the career that you had, however short lived,
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: served a purpose and was time and energy and effort
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: and love well spent. And I would hate to see
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: that go to waste in the sense of it doesn't
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: get to live a second life through your joy. It
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: doesn't get to live a second life through your new
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: experiences and the novelty. And so for me, it was
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: also remembering that my mom was someone who wanted, who
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: was led by her pleasure and her joy, and like
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: she loved what she valued. She loved the nice things
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: in life she didn't have. We did not have much
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: money at all growing up, but she would always love
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: to design something like she would use a scarf to
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: tie up some curtains, and she would repurpose things out
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: of cardboard just to make it like look avant garde
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: and it's in those little subtle micro shifts. They didn't
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: cost anything. They weren't your stereotypical definition of pleasure either, right,
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: they weren't related to physical sensuality in any way. But
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: they were a deepening of the intimacy between her and
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: the outside world. And so when I think of pleasure,
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: and you know the analogy that you used, and how
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: others can incorporate it, it's not just in this physical
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: sense of how do we get that dopamine hit by
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: interacting with another human being. It's how do we allow
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: ourselves to be vulnerable, intimate, and build a collaborative relationship
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: with our environment in the world around us so intimately
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: that it can't help but feel pleasurable to be a
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: part of it because we are always co creating it
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: like a we are present to it. And so I
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: think microdosing pleasure and microdosing authenticity, like in the analogy,
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: not talking about in any substance. I'm talking about showing
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: up a little bit more silly, a little bit more goofy,
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: a little bit more like that version of you when
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: you're seven years old that just didn't have a care
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: in the world and was running around the backyard, you know,
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: playing make believe or climbing into trees. Like That's the
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: version I ask people to reconnect with when they first
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: start out on this pleasure led path, because there is
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: the lack of inhibitions of a child that allow us
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: to reconnect to what brought us joy before we were told,
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: you know, to restrain ourselves. And so that's what I
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: would tell people to do, is reconnect to that version
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: of you that was joyful and childlike and care free.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, rekindling that curiosity of a child mindset, right,
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: because I think to your point, people have told us
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: that we had to grow up right, that we you
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: know' that's for a little kids. But realistically, that seven
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: year old version of us is still here, right, And
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: we were care free, right We ran around in the
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: backyard and said the sky was falling, or that you know,
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: squirrels had wings. I'm talking about Super Mario, but like
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: you know, we had those imaginations, those simple things that
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: brought us joy. Right. And the thing that I love
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: about children, Helene, is that children teach us how to
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: be present, right, And I think that's another thing that
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: continues to hold so many people prisoner from really attracting
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: right and shedding that limiting belief that they can't be
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: more than what they are?
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: Would you agree at one hundred percent? Agree? And it's
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: it has to be presents first and foremost, because otherwise
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: we find ourselves chasing an external source of pleasure, whether
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: it's scrolling on our phone, whether it's that really good
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: TV show, whether it's you know, going to the club.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: If we think pleasure always lies outside of ourselves, we
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: will create a dependent relationship to the outside world that
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: decenters us, that excludes us from the narrative and makes
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: us feel like, you know, it reinforces that we are
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: beholden and almost a victim of life circumstance. Which is
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: fine when the circumstances are great and you're having fun
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: at the club or you're watching your favorite TV show.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: But what happens when the circumstance is the state of
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: current affairs in the world right now, and you don't
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: have any way to resource up internally and find pleasure
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: within and co create it with the world around you
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: and be the source of it. So I think that's
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: why I talk about creating sustainable self expression and personal fulfillment,
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: because it's not just getting those one hit wonders. It's
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: becoming a source of almost like a well deep within
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: you that you get to consistently nourish and tap into,
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: and from that you get to pour into others and
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: offer them sustenance when they don't have some. But there's
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: something that you said, Porsia, that is that stuck with me,
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: which is realizing that that seven year old is still
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: within you. And I talk about people reconnecting to their
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: inner wisdom, it's remembering that even that version of you
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: that was doing the that was on, that had a
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: stint with television for a short period of time, right,
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: that version is still in you, the part of you
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: before the grief, before the transformation. You know, my mom
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: is still within me. Who I was before I lost
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: my mom is still within me. Transformation is not always
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: this shedding and discarding far away from us. It's a
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: lot more like pruning the tree and then turning that
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: wood into the compost that nourishes the soil. Like it
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: always stays within us, and you're always honoring the legacy
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: of your hard won battles every time you choose to
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: be joyful anyway.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: Well, and I love to say integrating right. I love
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: to say that we are learning to integrate the law
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: versions of ourselves into our every day because they're still there. Right.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: And I'm curious to Lene, one of the things that
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: I often talk about on this show is grief, right,
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: and learning how to integrate the past versions of ourselves,
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: the dreams that didn't go in the direction that we
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: wanted to go, right, the relationships that fell through, and even,
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: let's be realistic, there's grief when you leave from corporate
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: to become an entrepreneur. Right. And I'm curious Helene, for
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: our audience, what did it take for you to integrate
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: all the different losses that you've had into who you
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: are today and also what continues to keep you afloat,
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: especially on the hard days. Right, we're in the holiday
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: season when traditions have changed for a lot of people.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: You brought up the current set of affairs where people
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: are grieving the life that they thought we were going
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: to have and the life that's currently present before us.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, the first thing that came to mind when you
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: asked that is community, and specifically, especially when you're starting out,
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: finding people who can mirror and reflect back to you
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: your multitudes and you might not get that out of
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: a single person, right. I couldn't turn to my family,
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: for instance, when my mom passed away, that was the
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: last place I could go looking for the integration of
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: myself because there was only negative emotion and resentment at
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: the time. There was only the version of me that
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: they saw, which I thought was different than how my
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: mom saw me, and I couldn't connect to myself by
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: looking that way. So you might have to go find
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: new folks to interact with you. And I joke about
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: it all the time, but sometimes you do have to
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: kind of leave your current environment and go be a
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: stranger somewhere, and you know, do it within your realm
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: of privilege and what you can access. But you know,
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: for me, I went to the Himalayas for twenty days
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: and treked with nineteen strangers and that changed my life
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: and my self perception because for the first time I
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: was surrounded by folks in a group setting where I
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: didn't have any responsibility. Like you mentioned, I'd been in
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: the military, you know, I had been in lots of
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: group dynamics and group environments, but usually there was either
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: an impression I had to leave. We were being ranked
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: against each other or graded. I had to be a
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: leader in some capacity, I was responsible for something, and
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: for me to shed the identity that I'd strongly held
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: onto of being the responsible one at all costs, who
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: couldn't be vulnerable or weak. I had to go and
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: find an environment where I wasn't responsible for anything, and
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: I had to let myself be seen when the duty
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: no longer fell to me, like who am I when
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: I don't have to do anything? Who am I to
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: when I just choose to be myself and being seen
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: in that way and having the friends there, and that
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: the folks there view me through that lens and like
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: what they saw and encourage it and still take care
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: of me and still let themselves be taken care of
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: by me, because I'm a very nurturing person. But it
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: came from a place of wanting to rather than having to.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: And so that's what I mean when I talk about
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: community being that thing that helps you integrate. Is I
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: think we need to be reminded of how many facets
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: we do have. And a mirror is a really gentle
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: way of doing that. And if you can't find that
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: in your immediate community, if your friends currently don't do that,
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: for you because they only remind you of who used
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: to be. Encounter new strangers. You know, if you're in
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: a position to be able to hire a professional help
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: you know, whether it's a therapist or a certified coach,
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: I highly recommend it because that is another lens that
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: you It's another spotlight and genuine attention you get to
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: put on who you are and help you integrate that.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: But then in sustainment, when you asked about you know,
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: long term, what do I do when the holidays come,
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: when hard times come by? It is it's it's sometimes
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: being the first one to reach out and be vulnerable
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: and check in with other folks who maybe are going
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: through the harder times, and reminding others that they aren't
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: alone reminds you that you aren't alone, Like very unconsciously,
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: it's like just by showing up for other folks, giving
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: back rather than just isolating, is a gentle reminder that
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: you know, we all struggle for different reasons but in
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: very similar ways in the society, and you know there
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: is joy to be found in solidarity through the hard times,
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: So find your people. It's the long and short of that.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: No, and I agree with that one hundred percent finding
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: people who will hold space for you, right, people who
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: you know will let you crown their shoulder and not
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: judge you. Right. Also the people who will hold you accountable, right,
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: because when you're grieving a significant loss, you don't have
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: time for the platitudes. Right. You don't have time for
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: the people that are gonna say that they're there but
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: really they're not. Right. I've been in the same similar
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: boat as ju Helene with family. Right, the ones who
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: know the person who is transitioned would be the ones who,
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: quote unquote we think should hold space for us, but
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: we have to remember that they're also grieving too, and
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: their grief looks different even though we lost the same person, right.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: So being open to finding that new community right, whoever
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: that might be. Also what I found for me. I
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: often left the house every day for thirty minutes, even
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: if it was taking a walk or driving to the lake,
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: and just being away from the environment where a lot
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: of memories and things are housed, because sometimes that can
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: keep you trapped as well, So being intentional. And then
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: also what I found also that really helped me to
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: pour back into me was I listened to a lot
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: of audiobooks and I read a lot of different books
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: on grief right, because that was filling my spirit with
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: validation that I was okay where I was and allowing
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: myself to go through the different phases of my own
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: grief journey and choosing right. That's the other thing that
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: people forget about is the power of choice. You get
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: to choose how you agree, whether it's you're laughing at
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: things or if you're crying a lot.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of people are afraid of their tears, right.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: And that's the whole conversation for another day about the
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: relationship between ourselves being vulnerable and being able to express right,
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: Because tears are a form of communication, right, And I
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: think we've been conditioned to only allow tears in certain circumstances,
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: but not all are given the same past, Helene. For
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: our audience who's tuning in, I'm sure there's gonna be
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: individuals who would love to connect with you and work
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: with you to help them to break down those walls
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: of hiding and really fully embracing self expression without limitations.
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: So how can our audience connect with you? Helene?
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: Thank you for asking Portia. So if you or someone
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: on social media Instagram is a great way to stay
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: in touch. It's at Helene can Help h E l
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: E n E c A n h E l P,
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: which is also the name of my business. So if
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: you google that, you will find my website as well,
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: and both of those places will lead you to a
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: soft place to land that I've created called luss Alon
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: the Salon, and that is my free community for folks
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: who are either ambitious rebels really unlearning the hustle, or
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: you know, itual seekers who are trying to live a
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: more fulfilling existence. It's a gentle place to land if
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: you want to stay off of social media because it's
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: a group chat kind of held in a Telegram community
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: where I drop weekly in sights and it's totally free
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: to join. And that's where I love to send people,
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: especially if they're just starting out and they want to
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: get a better feel for what it's like to be
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: held and witnessed in my world at no cost to them.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: Well, everybody, you can definitely follow Helene. Like Helene said
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: on Instagram, obviously Google is your friend. If you forget,
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: just do a Google search of Helene's name and I'm
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: sure that you will find Helene wherever you search. Well,
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: everybody that was Helene Caniac that you heard from today
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: on Grow with Portia. And that concludes another episode and
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: until next time, everybody, peace and har grease