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Free Use Still Requires Boundaries And Safe Words | S5 EP142 · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

0:50
SPEAKER_00: Welcome back everybody to another episode of Around the Kinky Campfire.
0:56
SPEAKER_00: This is your host, HH Julius Marquise, or just Julius, if you're feeling less fancy.
1:04
SPEAKER_01: I'm here once again today with a topic for you all.
1:11
SPEAKER_01: And um the topic I'm going to tell you after our you know what time it is, the ASMR, five seconds, two seconds, whatever.
1:20
SPEAKER_01: I am drinking some um green tea.
1:24
SPEAKER_01: It is a little bit later in the evening, so I'm not doing the adult beverages.
1:29
SPEAKER_01: Um, so there.
1:31
SPEAKER_01: So let's go ahead and get that started.
1:32
SPEAKER_01: Uh count of five, four, three, two, one.
1:41
SPEAKER_01: That's actually very hot compared to what it usually is, which is very interesting.
1:46
SPEAKER_01: So I um that's actually pretty tasty.
1:51
SPEAKER_01: Some great value green tea, not sponsored.
1:53
SPEAKER_01: Um, would love a sponsor.
1:55
SPEAKER_01: Um, we're working on that, but we'll see how that goes.
1:57
SPEAKER_01: So it's been a little bit of time for me.
2:00
SPEAKER_01: Um I had a really rough week last week.
2:03
SPEAKER_01: So I put a flashback episode up there.
2:05
SPEAKER_01: Hope you guys enjoyed it.
2:07
SPEAKER_01: Um, and we'll get into the episode now.
2:09
SPEAKER_01: So a little bit rusty, but we're gonna get that rust on out of there and see what we have for y'all today.
2:15
SPEAKER_01: So the topic I picked today, I picked today, I picked it today because it is a uh topic that I see on the um internets uh now a little bit more, and it came up on a uh YouTube video I was watching, and I was like, ooh, let me do a thing on that.
2:32
SPEAKER_01: I did a little research and I was like, oh, there's actually some similarities to stuff I like.
2:36
SPEAKER_01: So it was interesting for me to come across it and then do some research on it.
2:40
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I'll do an episode on that.
2:42
SPEAKER_01: So more people know the differences.
2:44
SPEAKER_01: And that topic today is free use.
2:47
SPEAKER_01: A term called free use that is very popular in the kink world, as y'all know, and I think probably in the swingers world too.
2:55
SPEAKER_01: But it's the kids now.
2:56
SPEAKER_01: So the kids, it's anyone younger than 35.
2:58
SPEAKER_01: So give a little more definition in there so y'all know what I'm talking about.
3:03
SPEAKER_01: No, anyone under 35, you a kid now.
3:07
SPEAKER_01: I'm bitter, I'm old, and I'm bitter.
3:09
SPEAKER_01: Get into my mid-40s.
3:10
SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh no, it's almost half a year into the next um birthday time, so yeah, I'm bitter now.
3:17
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so free use 24-7, and it also gets plugged in there with CNC.
3:23
SPEAKER_01: So I'm going to explain what all this is to y'all today, and what it is different and what is similar to the other two that I said.
3:32
SPEAKER_01: And you get to decide whether it's you or not.
3:35
SPEAKER_01: I know what on what camp I'm on now after doing the research that I'm about to tell y'all here.
3:39
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so free use refers to a relationship dynamic or sexual kink, um, depending on how you decide to um relate to it.
3:49
SPEAKER_01: Uh, where one partner grants the other partner ongoing pre-arranged consent.
3:53
SPEAKER_01: There's still consent there.
3:54
SPEAKER_01: Consent to initiate sexual activity at any time without needing for to ask for permission or negotiate beforehand.
4:01
SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
4:02
SPEAKER_01: Alright, so we'll go into that definition a little bit more.
4:04
SPEAKER_01: Pre-arranged consent.
4:06
SPEAKER_01: That means there's still consent, but you previously previously previously negotiated that.
4:14
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
4:15
SPEAKER_01: Person gives access, agrees ahead of time that their partner can use their body whenever they want, but it's still consensual.
4:21
SPEAKER_01: It is also spontaneous spontaneous spontaneity.
4:26
SPEAKER_01: Activities can happen mint task, like cooking and cleaning, without verbal check-ins, which is interesting.
4:33
SPEAKER_01: There are strict boundaries.
4:35
SPEAKER_01: Safe use requires clear rules, hard limits, and absolute right to revoke consent or use a safe word at any time.
4:41
SPEAKER_01: So remember, consent is still 100% revocable.
4:44
SPEAKER_01: Even though it is free use, you can still revoke consent.
4:48
SPEAKER_01: Alright, and you can still use your safe words.
4:50
SPEAKER_01: I'm tired of people being like, ah, you can't use a safe word.
4:52
SPEAKER_01: If somebody tells you you can't use a safe word, fuck them, okay?
4:56
SPEAKER_01: That's not how that works.
4:58
SPEAKER_01: Don't be just getting people blankets of consent, you're not knowing not respecting your boundaries, hard limits, and also your safe word.
5:05
SPEAKER_01: We don't do this.
5:07
SPEAKER_01: Uh, what is a free use kink?
5:08
SPEAKER_01: Consensual erasement where one partner makes themselves available to the other without needing permission ahead of time.
5:15
SPEAKER_01: Once again, without needing permission, but there's still consent.
5:18
SPEAKER_01: So you still have a negotiation about your boundaries and your hard limits, and you can still remote consent, aka say your safe word.
5:25
SPEAKER_01: Uh desire to be fully wanted, that um asking becomes unnecessary.
5:31
SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, it's a big old thing here that uh people want to be wanted.
5:36
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if y'all realize this.
5:38
SPEAKER_01: I know that's something that's hard to understand.
5:40
SPEAKER_01: Um, I know in the um heteronormative world there's this big old stereotype that men are sexual beings and women don't want it all the time.
5:47
SPEAKER_01: They're just tired or have some excuse.
5:49
SPEAKER_01: I'll let y'all know right now that is some bullshit, okay?
5:52
SPEAKER_01: It might be my asexual superpower, whatever you want to call it, but I date mostly female presenting people, women women, women's, and they some horny motherfuckers can't really call them horny motherfuckers because they the mothers.
6:07
SPEAKER_01: Half of them mothers, so mothers that be fucked, they some horny mothers be fucked to be fucked.
6:13
SPEAKER_01: And yeah, um, I was gonna say I be fucking just to say the term, just because it's funny, but that's not necessarily correct.
6:20
SPEAKER_01: I I be making love, I don't just be fucking, I don't believe in fucking, I be making love.
6:24
SPEAKER_01: That's what I do.
6:25
SPEAKER_01: I give good them friend, most of the time boyfriend, depending on what how I present that that particular day.
6:32
SPEAKER_01: So I'll tell y'all right now, that stereotype is bullshit.
6:35
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I have I've had plenty of partners that are literally more sexually attractive.
6:43
SPEAKER_01: No, that's not the right word.
6:44
SPEAKER_01: They some horny people um compared to me.
6:46
SPEAKER_01: Let's just put it that way.
6:48
SPEAKER_01: Um, so initiation, quote unquote, could be my thing.
6:51
SPEAKER_01: I like biting booties.
6:52
SPEAKER_01: I mean, can I be considered negoti initiation?
6:56
SPEAKER_01: Not my world.
6:57
SPEAKER_01: I do it as a term act term of affection.
7:02
SPEAKER_01: An act of act of affection.
7:04
SPEAKER_01: There you go.
7:05
SPEAKER_01: Booty biting is an act of affection.
7:08
SPEAKER_01: I'm acting on your booty because I like it so juicy.
7:11
SPEAKER_01: Ah, I rhyme for no reason.
7:15
SPEAKER_01: Alright, so yeah, that's what I do.
7:17
SPEAKER_01: I bite the booty, uh, other parts, nibble and suckle and all of the different things, and if your juices start flowing, I can't really be blamed for that.
7:25
SPEAKER_01: Once again, there's that consent thing going on.
7:28
SPEAKER_01: I have consent to bite, and then if um sexual activities happen, they be happening.
7:34
SPEAKER_01: I like to act like I have no uh authority in this whole entire thing.
7:38
SPEAKER_01: I'm just a bystander, a biting bystander, and none of it is my fault.
7:45
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, so you understand what's going on.
7:47
SPEAKER_01: Do I need to spell that out for you?
7:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I enjoy cuddling and biting, and if that leads to sexual act sexual activities, then so be it.
7:57
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
7:58
SPEAKER_01: Um, but the big thing on here is the desire.
8:01
SPEAKER_01: So back to the desire, is that people want to be desired, even women.
8:06
SPEAKER_01: So there are people out there that do free use and they enjoy it because they want to feel wanted.
8:11
SPEAKER_01: Now, I know I present as asexual, I say I identify with asexuality, but I still want to be wanted, I don't want to be pawed at, but if you have a good conversation with me and there's that attraction there, and it's like, okay, we are um in a relationship now, especially with my partners.
8:29
SPEAKER_01: I um I it's not really free use, although I I'd be kind of cool with that, receiving that, but it's definitely I don't tell them no if they want to do stuff like that, because I know I am asexual and I just don't get hints.
8:41
SPEAKER_01: We don't understand flirting whatsoever.
8:43
SPEAKER_01: So um, yeah, that doesn't flirting.
8:46
SPEAKER_01: I don't I don't understand.
8:47
SPEAKER_01: And I don't I can't I don't know if I'm good at it, but uh yeah, that had that happens.
8:51
SPEAKER_01: So I I kind of understand with the free use thing as far as receiving free use.
8:55
SPEAKER_01: Um, but wanting to be desired is very important.
8:58
SPEAKER_01: It's like why are we even doing any of this if we don't want to be desired?
9:01
SPEAKER_01: And see, with me, like the personality connection and the mental connection all leads into the sexual connection.
9:07
SPEAKER_01: I need all those different connections, but once they are connected, I like to connect physically with a partner.
9:14
SPEAKER_01: Uh let's see, this isn't a flaw in your foundation, still speaking of free use.
9:18
SPEAKER_01: It's an extension of the adventure, um, a clear map, what free use means, the psychological, psychological, psychology behind the desire, how to talk about it with a partner, how to build a safe agreement, what aftercare looks like and how it works when there are more than two of you.
9:34
SPEAKER_01: So this is very interesting when you start talking about uh free use because now you're talking about threesomes exactly.
9:42
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'm trying to follow this um author's notes here, what they wrote.
9:47
SPEAKER_01: So these articles that I have, once again, we'll put the links in the description.
9:50
SPEAKER_01: I will remind myself, future Julius, you will do this.
9:53
SPEAKER_01: Whoa.
9:54
SPEAKER_01: Looking at myself in the camera future, anyways.
9:58
SPEAKER_01: So I'll put those in there and then um try to understand.
10:01
SPEAKER_01: As y'all know that if people that continue to download this, thank you very much, camsters.
10:05
SPEAKER_01: I appreciate you.
10:06
SPEAKER_01: I I take it uh article that I find and then I write get some notes off there.
10:12
SPEAKER_01: So trying to uh understand all this as we go.
10:16
SPEAKER_01: Okay, now we kind of defined what free use is, so what it is not is what we're going to talk about.
10:23
SPEAKER_01: Uh let's see, what it is not.
10:25
SPEAKER_01: Consensual availability versus common misconceptions uh extends the submission and domination dynamics common in BDSM.
10:32
SPEAKER_01: So I know we talk about sexual activity, but guess what?
10:36
SPEAKER_01: Free use doesn't have to always deal with sexual stuff, it could also talk about dynamics and BDSM activities.
10:41
SPEAKER_01: So if I have toys and I want to use those toys on somebody that I have a free use contract with, I can just smack their ass.
10:48
SPEAKER_01: If they're bending over, I can smack their ass.
10:50
SPEAKER_01: And I will say that don't really have free use negotiation with partners, but do have consent to smack the assie.
11:01
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, if you put it out there, I'm gonna smack it.
11:03
SPEAKER_01: And they're like, okay.
11:04
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, alright, well, you put it out there.
11:06
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes they get a bite because once again, I like to bite the booties.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: Okay, it is also not permission, does not disappear, it moves upstream into a shared agreement, so spontaneity can flow downstream.
11:18
SPEAKER_01: Once again, there's agreement.
11:20
SPEAKER_01: Negotiation.
11:20
SPEAKER_01: What is Julius love so much?
11:22
SPEAKER_01: Negotiations, that's correct.
11:24
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, we still got that here in real practice.
11:27
SPEAKER_01: Anytime, anywhere, it's fantasy shorthand.
11:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, um, so this is why we have negotiations because say you're hanging out with a vanilla crowd, they don't want to see none of that, and it is non-consensual to do activities in front of a crowd that does not appreciate that, especially if there's people under the age.
11:48
SPEAKER_01: Um, so let's not do that.
11:50
SPEAKER_01: People, this is why we have this thing, it's called free use 24-7, whatever you want to do, uh, label it as, but you can't do that all the time.
11:58
SPEAKER_01: That's not possible.
11:58
SPEAKER_01: There are times people have to work.
12:00
SPEAKER_01: You know what?
12:00
SPEAKER_01: Money doesn't fall from trees, even though that's a saying that is not true.
12:04
SPEAKER_01: So we still have to have these agreements when and where and how we can do all this stuff.
12:10
SPEAKER_01: Couples limit for use to the home, excuse situations like cooking, handling anything dangerous.
12:15
SPEAKER_01: Um, so in the previous example, we said cooking and cleaning.
12:19
SPEAKER_01: So I'm assuming chopping vegetables, maybe not.
12:21
SPEAKER_01: Maybe if you just like turn it over the the um ground beef, that'll be fine.
12:26
SPEAKER_01: Um, probably want to stay away from hot stove, so pull your person away from that before you start fondling their bits.
12:34
SPEAKER_01: So that's interesting.
12:35
SPEAKER_01: Um, both partners retain an absolute right to say no at any moment.
12:39
SPEAKER_01: So, once again, consent is revocable, safe words are a thing.
12:42
SPEAKER_01: Still, uh, three hard lines.
12:44
SPEAKER_01: Here we go.
12:45
SPEAKER_01: Down to the nitty-gritty.
12:46
SPEAKER_01: Specifics of what free use is free use is not graping or non-consent.
12:54
SPEAKER_01: We'll just change that word uh just in case for you two.
12:57
SPEAKER_01: Thank you very much.
12:58
SPEAKER_01: Um, so that means casual availability and relief from decision making, not resistance or force.
13:03
SPEAKER_01: So a lot different than um 24-7 and consensual non-consent.
13:07
SPEAKER_01: Um, one partner continue to read, game or text during sex, casualness is the entire point.
13:13
SPEAKER_01: So, big thing there is that the activity that you're doing, usually in free use, continues to happen.
13:19
SPEAKER_01: This is where they lose me.
13:21
SPEAKER_01: Because if I am receiving or giving the sexy thing, I I first of all, I dare you to keep doing what you're doing.
13:29
SPEAKER_01: If I'm doing the sexy thing to you, I'll be shocked, and you'll probably get a hard nibble because of that.
13:35
SPEAKER_01: Don't be ignoring all this goodness that's happening to you.
13:38
SPEAKER_01: You better take this, all of it.
13:41
SPEAKER_01: That's a penis joke.
13:42
SPEAKER_01: Uh so but not just limited to that.
13:46
SPEAKER_01: I got um this mouth do amazing things, and you best believe you better be enjoying that.
13:52
SPEAKER_01: So the casualness of it all, and then continuing to do what you do is very interesting.
13:57
SPEAKER_01: Um, second of all, a hard line.
14:00
SPEAKER_01: Safe words remain absolute.
14:02
SPEAKER_01: Blanket consent means you do not have a negotiation you have you don't have to negotiate before an encounter.
14:07
SPEAKER_01: Um, does not mean you cannot stop one.
14:10
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so safe words still a thing, consent is still revocable.
14:13
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to be repeating that throughout this whole entire video episode, whatever it is, until you get that in your head.
14:20
SPEAKER_01: Because I see that so many times, and it drives me crazy.
14:24
SPEAKER_01: You can't have consent during CNC and uh free use or whatever it is.
14:29
SPEAKER_01: And it's like, no, consent is always there.
14:33
SPEAKER_01: Consent has to always be there, and safe words can always be used.
14:37
SPEAKER_01: If anyone tells you blanket consent replaces safe words, that's a big old red flag.
14:41
SPEAKER_01: Just go ahead and just say red flag.
14:43
SPEAKER_01: Um, do not talk to that person anymore.
14:45
SPEAKER_01: There are so many fishes in the sea.
14:47
SPEAKER_01: That that saying is so literal.
14:49
SPEAKER_01: I'm telling y'all right now.
14:50
SPEAKER_01: So if you see somebody that does something like this and tells you, oh no, you can't do that.
14:55
SPEAKER_01: Um, you can't do something in the especially in the kink world.
14:58
SPEAKER_01: Don't don't talk to that person anymore.
15:01
SPEAKER_01: That's ridiculous.
15:02
SPEAKER_01: No.
15:03
SPEAKER_01: Red flag, get out of there.
15:04
SPEAKER_01: Mayday, Houston, we have a problem.
15:07
SPEAKER_01: Uh, third, bystander consent applies.
15:09
SPEAKER_01: So, once again, this is where we're talking about doing kink in public.
15:12
SPEAKER_01: Uh community considers public free use unethical.
15:16
SPEAKER_01: Uh, because people that are watching you have to consent to this.
15:20
SPEAKER_01: Now, if you're at an adult party and a lot of people are naked and doing other sexual uh activities, um sexy fun times, then they can probably I would still talk to the host of the whole entire thing, the the DM, whoever it is, if you're able to do that kind of stuff, because once again, um sexual activities don't always happen, especially at kink events.
15:40
SPEAKER_01: So even though it's an adult space, you don't always necessarily do sexual activities.
15:44
SPEAKER_01: So just so you know, um, what happens between consenting adults stays between consenting adults.
15:49
SPEAKER_01: Uh, so yeah, don't don't do stuff in front of unconsenting people.
15:54
SPEAKER_01: You are an asshole.
15:55
SPEAKER_01: Okay, even if it's just like leading your partner around on a leash in a park or something like that.
16:00
SPEAKER_01: Eh.
16:02
SPEAKER_01: Let's not do kink in public to unconsenting people.
16:06
SPEAKER_01: Okay, now the specifics free use versus CNC versus 24-7 blanket consent type deals.
16:14
SPEAKER_01: Um, get thrown around interchangeably in kink spaces, even though they are different.
16:18
SPEAKER_01: Confusion has real consequences.
16:20
SPEAKER_01: You cannot ask for what you cannot name.
17:43
SPEAKER_01: So, this is why we have podcasts like Around the Kinky Campfire, so we can name the different things.
17:48
SPEAKER_01: I know a lot of people don't like labels, and I don't like those people.
17:53
SPEAKER_01: Don't hate you, just don't like you.
17:55
SPEAKER_01: Those people that don't talk oh labels are the yes, because you have to know what you want in life, and you have to be able to name it.
18:00
SPEAKER_01: If life, oh that thing, I like to do that thing.
18:03
SPEAKER_01: It's like, what is that thing?
18:04
SPEAKER_01: That could mean a million things.
18:05
SPEAKER_01: So, this is why we have definitions for things.
18:09
SPEAKER_01: So those kind of people irk me.
18:11
SPEAKER_01: Um, okay, most people are still guessing, and the guessing leads to mismax expectations.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: And guess what, Julius hates.
18:19
SPEAKER_01: Oh, assumptions.
18:21
SPEAKER_01: Oh, god.
18:26
SPEAKER_01: That kind of stuff still drives me crazy.
18:28
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
18:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
18:30
SPEAKER_01: Alright.
18:32
SPEAKER_01: Let's go into more specifics here.
18:34
SPEAKER_01: The three concepts exist on one connected spectrum.
18:37
SPEAKER_01: Same spectrum, still different though.
18:40
SPEAKER_01: C and C consensual non-consent.
18:42
SPEAKER_01: My favorite.
18:44
SPEAKER_01: Okay, consent to have your consent disregarded within pre-negotiated boundaries.
18:49
SPEAKER_01: So those words are kind of tough, but it is consent to have your consent disregarded.
18:55
SPEAKER_01: Pre-negotiated boundaries, though.
18:57
SPEAKER_01: Time-bound and often scripted with resistance or performance of non-consent as part of the scene.
19:04
SPEAKER_01: A lot of people, like Julius right here, get very happy with the resistance of it all.
19:10
SPEAKER_01: It's like, no, please don't, but then you're leaving all your bits all exposed.
19:14
SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh yeah?
19:16
SPEAKER_01: You really don't want this, huh?
19:17
SPEAKER_01: Why the juice is flowing?
19:19
SPEAKER_01: Um, covers non-sexual context, being force-fed, uh, dislike food, and negotiate kidnapping scenario, which usually leads to sexual context.
19:28
SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
19:29
SPEAKER_01: Partner agrees not to have their consent for certain activities in the future within an intentional negotiating kink framework.
19:37
SPEAKER_01: So, yes, this is one of my favorite.
19:39
SPEAKER_01: Uh, so that's why CNC is amazing.
19:43
SPEAKER_01: Biased opinion here, but because it's the resistance.
19:47
SPEAKER_01: So I'll go into free use again.
19:49
SPEAKER_01: It's the um consensualness of it all, and continuing to do things, even though um sexual activities could be happening.
19:58
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's could be kinx kinctual activities as well.
20:02
SPEAKER_01: So that part is interesting.
20:04
SPEAKER_01: Um, free use is a subtype of CNC, but the difference is sharp.
20:08
SPEAKER_01: Um, bottom consent to the act itself, not the performance of non-consent.
20:12
SPEAKER_01: So they're letting it happen rather than resisting it happening.
20:17
SPEAKER_01: Um so ongoing rather than time bound, characterized by casual availability, so within the home.
20:23
SPEAKER_01: So there's no time in there.
20:24
SPEAKER_01: But if you're in the house, I want that ass.
20:27
SPEAKER_01: That's pretty much how that works.
20:28
SPEAKER_01: Um, being used and intimacy lies not in the struggle, but in radical access.
20:33
SPEAKER_01: So it's like uh come here, I'm taking this, or just like lift up that boop, the apron, and then go to town and like just keep on, keep on um keeping on.
20:44
SPEAKER_01: This is very interesting to me.
20:46
SPEAKER_01: So I didn't realize this difference until I started doing research for this episode.
20:49
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, huh, that's what it is.
20:51
SPEAKER_01: Casual versus resistance.
20:53
SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's interesting.
20:55
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I so I see that there's a huge I see the mental difference now.
20:59
SPEAKER_01: Now we have the um the definition difference, and now we have the mental difference.
21:04
SPEAKER_01: Like, oh okay, it's a it's a thought pattern.
21:06
SPEAKER_01: Just let it happen versus resisting it.
21:09
SPEAKER_01: And then you have the 24-7, the blanket consent, uh pre-preauthorized permission agreement that creates the container for both.
21:16
SPEAKER_01: Um covers hard limits, soft limits, pre-approved activities, time and context boundaries, and safe word protocols, which those are all similar to the other two.
21:26
SPEAKER_01: Can have blanket consent for specific acts without having a full free use agreement.
21:31
SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's more specific.
21:32
SPEAKER_01: Got it.
21:32
SPEAKER_01: Okay, cannot have ethical free use without the consent architecture blanket blanket consent.
21:39
SPEAKER_01: Oh, gotta say the whole entire thing.
21:41
SPEAKER_01: Cannot have ethical free use without the consent architecture blanket consent provides.
21:46
SPEAKER_01: There we go.
21:47
SPEAKER_01: We said the tone correctly that time.
21:49
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
21:50
SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, ethical free use, blanket consent, all those different type of things.
21:54
SPEAKER_01: So 24-7 blanket consent type deal, you know, not that not that too much different.
22:01
SPEAKER_01: Uh, you can have CNC without free use, yep.
22:04
SPEAKER_01: And you cannot have ethical free use without CNC's consent architecture.
22:09
SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
22:10
SPEAKER_01: Um, know your boundaries, know your hard limits, and then know your safe and res know your know and respect safe words.
22:17
SPEAKER_01: That is a key thing here.
22:19
SPEAKER_01: We will beat to the ground.
22:22
SPEAKER_01: And once again, I'm going to run out of time.
22:25
SPEAKER_01: So we'll get as much as we can because we only got like a few minutes left.
22:29
SPEAKER_01: That's great.
22:30
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so before we go, definitely, why would anybody want this?
22:34
SPEAKER_01: Very important question.
22:36
SPEAKER_01: Relief from decision making, I kind of see that part I kind of like.
22:39
SPEAKER_01: Uh permission to stop being in charge.
22:42
SPEAKER_01: Uh people make decisions all the day.
22:44
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes your decision factory making factory in the mental space gets tired, so it's like, ah, just do what you want.
22:51
SPEAKER_01: Fine, here, take it.
22:52
SPEAKER_01: Uh and you got assholes like me, uh, brats like me that will just kind of like rub junks on the as you're walking by your partner is like, have some of that.
23:02
unknown: Whoosh!
23:04
SPEAKER_01: It's like walk away and act like nothing happened.
23:06
SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh yeah.
23:10
SPEAKER_01: Your clothes wear most of the time, and then all of a sudden you just stop wearing clothes.
23:14
SPEAKER_01: Uh, the vulnerability paradox is another thing.
23:17
SPEAKER_01: Level exposure level exposure requires a corresponding depth of trust.
23:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I hope people aren't doing this with people they don't trust.
23:27
SPEAKER_01: Uh, that'd be kind of rough.
23:29
SPEAKER_01: Vulnerability is not the cost, it is the point.
23:32
SPEAKER_01: Uh, so interesting.
23:34
SPEAKER_01: Objectification as intimacy.
23:36
SPEAKER_01: Again, wanting to be wanted, wanting to feel feeling wanted, and then knowing it happens.
23:42
SPEAKER_01: The progressive therapeutic collective uh distinguishes consensual, erotic objectification from erasure.
23:50
SPEAKER_01: Uh some people eroticize being worshipped like a sculpture or displayed like art.
23:56
SPEAKER_01: It's not always a humility, humiliating, sometimes it's divine.
24:00
SPEAKER_01: I will say I'm a hundred percent on board with that, as long as the consent is there.
24:04
SPEAKER_01: Now, I wish, I wish.
24:08
SPEAKER_01: Oh man, I wish that it was possible to get everybody on board with this.
24:14
SPEAKER_01: It's so hard.
24:15
SPEAKER_01: It is possible.
24:16
SPEAKER_01: Oh man, this whole entire concept.
24:21
SPEAKER_01: It is possible.
24:23
SPEAKER_01: Um it is possible.
24:28
SPEAKER_01: It would be nice.
24:30
SPEAKER_01: Um, it is possible.
24:34
SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to think of how the logistics would work.
24:36
SPEAKER_01: Because somebody's gonna fuck up and break up break the rules.
24:39
SPEAKER_01: So it's like it's mostly just gonna happen with partners, I guess, but like being worship.
24:45
SPEAKER_01: For some reason, when I read that, I thought of like a party scenario where a bunch of people are into it, and it's like, hmm, okay.
24:53
SPEAKER_01: Uh, I don't know why that made me think of that.
24:55
SPEAKER_01: Maybe because I have an objective vacation kink with people I trust.
24:59
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, I I read that.
25:00
SPEAKER_01: I wasn't thinking just partners, I was thinking of like a whole group of people.
25:03
SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
25:04
SPEAKER_01: Trust deep enough to explore temporary disappearance of self as it self is itself.
25:13
SPEAKER_01: Has some tongue twisters in this thing.
25:15
SPEAKER_01: Trust deep enough to explore temporary disappearance of self itself is itself, is itself a form of intimate connection.
25:24
SPEAKER_01: Fascinating.
25:25
SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's pretty interesting.
25:27
SPEAKER_01: Uh let's see here.
25:28
SPEAKER_01: Uh self-ownership paradox.
25:31
SPEAKER_01: Free use fetus derives its charge from violating the sacrilegized boundary of self-ownership.
25:37
SPEAKER_01: But you're doing with something you trust and you negotiated with, and you have safe words and boundaries discussed with.
25:43
SPEAKER_01: Fantasy of being turned into an object is about relinquishing the burden of perpetual subjectivity.
25:49
SPEAKER_01: Uh, partners exchange identities as it were, creating mutual dependency for self-definition.
25:56
SPEAKER_01: Ooh, there's some good stuff here.
25:57
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
25:58
SPEAKER_01: BDSM as relational laboratory, space where people explore fantasy, desire, and wanting through language and uh physical practice, building a specific trust architecture, not just doing a scene.
26:10
SPEAKER_01: I hope.
26:11
SPEAKER_01: Um that's not just a BDSM thing.
26:15
SPEAKER_01: Please tell me y'all are going out there and having a uh what was it?
26:19
SPEAKER_01: Trust architecture or consent architecture built before you start doing this stuff.
26:23
SPEAKER_01: Even if you're not into BDSM.
26:25
SPEAKER_01: Good lord.
26:25
SPEAKER_01: Negotiate everything.
26:27
SPEAKER_01: Ah mastery through surrender.
26:29
SPEAKER_01: Uh by theatralizing and eroticizing situations of powerlessness.
26:34
SPEAKER_01: Nailed it.
26:35
SPEAKER_01: One gains mastery over them.
26:37
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
26:38
SPEAKER_01: Surrendering control within a safe container can transform vulnerability into strength.
26:43
SPEAKER_01: Yep, yep, yep, yep.
26:44
SPEAKER_01: This is why therapists recommend King D S M.
26:48
SPEAKER_01: Mastery through surrender is not a contrast.
26:51
SPEAKER_01: Mastery through surrender is not a contradiction.
26:55
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
26:56
SPEAKER_01: Alright, so that is it for now on that free use.
26:59
SPEAKER_01: We will definitely talk about more than that.
27:01
SPEAKER_01: I was just so surprised to hear that there was such a stark difference between CNC uh and uh free use, and then the 24-7 blanket consent is over both of the I guess that's two different branches of it, so that's interesting.
27:18
SPEAKER_01: So the umbrella term is blanket consent and then CNC and free use.
27:21
SPEAKER_01: Big difference between C and C and free use is the resistance versus the casualness.
27:26
SPEAKER_01: Just here, just take it.
27:27
SPEAKER_01: So I like that very much.
27:29
SPEAKER_01: Um huh, that's fascinating.
27:32
SPEAKER_01: I've thought I just thought about so many scenes while I was taking notes.
27:35
SPEAKER_01: One, and then two, while I was just reading into y'all camsters.
27:39
SPEAKER_01: So I hope you have the same experience, um, too, and then you now you know the difference.
27:43
SPEAKER_01: And when people see free use pop up there, it's like, oh, I'm letting my partner within boundaries just do what they want with me.
27:48
SPEAKER_01: Hopefully, that turns some people on.
27:50
SPEAKER_01: I know it turned me on as an objectification kink person.
27:53
SPEAKER_01: It's really all I ever bought them for, uh, for the most part.
27:57
SPEAKER_01: Everything else is like, okay, cool.
27:58
SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, as long as you keep objectifying me, I'm totally fine with this.
28:01
SPEAKER_01: Take my butt.
28:02
SPEAKER_01: Um, all right, that's it for now.
28:04
SPEAKER_01: This is HA Julius Marquis or just Julius.
28:08
SPEAKER_01: I didn't give myself an adjective this time.
28:12
SPEAKER_01: I think that's what it's called.
28:13
SPEAKER_01: Yes, sure, that's what it'll be.
28:15
SPEAKER_01: Adjective.
28:15
SPEAKER_01: I know English.
28:17
SPEAKER_01: The catches, uh, new episodes, audio, most of the time on Thursday, and then sometimes, apparently on Friday, we have video episodes.
28:27
SPEAKER_01: When we do, they're out there.
28:30
SPEAKER_01: Uh, people, it's been a long summer.
28:32
SPEAKER_01: I went through a whole week of being in no AC and 92 degrees.
28:36
SPEAKER_01: I'm in Florida.
28:37
SPEAKER_01: That was a long week.
28:38
SPEAKER_01: Um, so that's what happened there.
28:40
SPEAKER_01: But that's it for now.
28:42
SPEAKER_01: Please catch us next time.
28:43
SPEAKER_01: Hmm, probably a new episode.
28:46
SPEAKER_01: Uh Round the Keggy Campfire.
28:49
SPEAKER_01: Hello.