Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 84: 7 Types of Rest

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84: 7 Types of Rest · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:20
  Built-in Microphone: Well hello and welcome back.
• 0:22
  Built-in Microphone: So today we're going to be exploring the idea of rest and specifically we're going to be Exploring the seven different types of rest because confession, this is totally selfish.
• 0:32
  Built-in Microphone: I've been pretty tired lately.
• 0:34
  Built-in Microphone: I've been feeling kind of burned out and a little bit forgetful.
• 0:37
  Built-in Microphone-2: and don't worry, Mom, I'm recording this episode, I think, probably at least a month in advance, so you don't need to bring me dinner or anything.
• 0:43
  Built-in Microphone-2: I'm doing just fine, but I would love to hang out sometime.
• 0:46
  Built-in Microphone-2: So let me share with you a few of the indicators that I have witnessed for myself that let me know that I am in need of rest.
• 0:53
  Built-in Microphone-3: The biggest one is I found that I've been more forgetful lately.
• 0:57
  Built-in Microphone: In fact, this last week, my daughter had to call me for a ride home from school because I forgot.
• 1:01
  Built-in Microphone: Twice.
• 1:02
  Built-in Microphone: I find that I'm more sluggish than usual.
• 1:05
  Built-in Microphone: I'm having a harder time engaging with others.
• 1:07
  Built-in Microphone: I've noticed that I'm showing a lot more signs of cynicism.
• 1:11
  Built-in Microphone: I'm feeling a little bit less resilient when it comes to the world calamities, political upheaval, and other people's negative comments, like on social media and things.
• 1:20
  Built-in Microphone: And when I'm feeling this way, I know that I need rest.
• 1:23
  Built-in Microphone: And I know that I'm not the only one in need of rest.
• 1:26
  Built-in Microphone: So I wanted to bring this here and kind of open up the discussion and bring this into your conscious awareness so that you can find the rest that you need as well.
• 1:34
  Built-in Microphone-4: Now, I have been noticing for myself that sometimes sleep is sufficient, but more often than not, it's just not going to cut it.
• 1:41
  Built-in Microphone-4: And I need something else in order to feel fully rested.
• 1:44
  Built-in Microphone: So yes, I do need the physical rest, but I've also recognized I need more.
• 1:49
  Built-in Microphone: I need more than just sleep.
• 1:51
  Built-in Microphone: I need people and things to look forward to.
• 1:54
  Built-in Microphone: I need more moments in the sunshine.
• 1:55
  Built-in Microphone: I need more stillness to just watch the snowfall or watch the clouds move across the sky.
• 2:01
  Built-in Microphone: So when I heard about Sandra Dalton Smith's seven types of rest, I was very intrigued.
• 2:06
  Built-in Microphone: So you can watch her Ted talk.
• 2:07
  Built-in Microphone: I'll link it in the show notes, but I thought it'd be helpful to talk about these seven forms of rest because the truth is that we are very holistic beings.
• 2:15
  Built-in Microphone: There is no one size fits all when it comes to how to rest.
• 2:20
  Built-in Microphone: So as I share these seven types of rest, I want you to do a little bit of a self assessment.
• 2:25
  Built-in Microphone: So notice what things really light you up.
• 2:27
  Built-in Microphone: Notice what things bring you joy.
• 2:29
  Built-in Microphone: Notice what things your heart is yearning for.
• 2:32
  Built-in Microphone: And I really encourage you to revisit this list because your needs might change and evolve over time.
• 2:38
  Built-in Microphone: I was recently talking with a friend of mine about the five love languages and it was interesting because she was telling me that yeah, I think that my love language has changed over the years and I have a theory about this.
• 2:49
  Built-in Microphone: My theory is that we crave what it is that we're currently experiencing a deficit in.
• 2:55
  Built-in Microphone: So, for example, maybe your love language is acts of service, and you're in a relationship with somebody that loves to cook and clean, and they even iron.
• 3:03
  Built-in Microphone: Do people iron these days?
• 3:04
  Built-in Microphone: I'm really genuinely curious.
• 3:06
  Built-in Microphone: I do not iron, I just throw it in the dryer for a little bit longer, so I'm curious if people still iron.
• 3:11
  Built-in Microphone: I make a point to buy things that don't need to be ironed.
• 3:13
  Built-in Microphone: But anyway, if your love language is acts of service, and you've grown accustomed to that love language being fulfilled by your partner, then you might notice that maybe when you take that love language quiz, maybe you've noticed that okay It looks like I don't really need to have that need fulfilled.
• 3:28
  Built-in Microphone: But what I'm really craving right now is physical affection So this is just what the brain does it kind of looks for what it is that we're currently lacking and it brings that into Our conscious awareness so that we can have that need met and so since our circumstances shift and change over time You may want to revisit this list and kind of self assess and then see what your current need is Alright, so here we go.
• 3:50
  Built-in Microphone: Are you ready?
• 3:51
  Built-in Microphone: The seven types of rest.
• 3:53
  Built-in Microphone: Of course, the first one is physical rest.
• 3:56
  Built-in Microphone: Now, an easy way to tell if you're in need of physical rest is to check in with yourself and see if you're experiencing pain or having trouble sleeping.
• 4:03
  Built-in Microphone: I thought that was kind of interesting that those are the two indicators that you're in need of actual physical rest.
• 4:08
  Built-in Microphone: And yes, getting physical rest can involve sleeping, but also physical rest can be achieved in both passive and active ways.
• 4:16
  Built-in Microphone: So yeah, go ahead and take the nap, but also try creating some healthy movement for yourself, like yoga.
• 4:23
  Built-in Microphone: Maybe do some stretching, get a massage.
• 4:25
  Built-in Microphone: Do something that increases circulation and flexibility in your body and really gets you into your physical body.
• 4:32
  Built-in Microphone: Another thing you might want to try is exercising at least three days per week.
• 4:36
  Built-in Microphone: But physical rest is really taking care of those physical needs.
• 4:40
  Built-in Microphone: Really checking in with your physical body and seeing what is needed.
• 4:45
  Built-in Microphone: Alright, number two, mental rest.
• 4:47
  Built-in Microphone: Now, this is for those that really struggle to turn off their brain.
• 4:50
  Built-in Microphone: They might be feeling distracted or forgetful.
• 4:53
  Built-in Microphone: They really are struggling to focus.
• 4:55
  Built-in Microphone: They're mentally drained.
• 4:56
  Built-in Microphone: They're experiencing brain fog.
• 4:58
  Built-in Microphone: And oftentimes this group, they tend to caffeinate through it, right?
• 5:02
  Built-in Microphone: So now their mind is really buzzing and they're trying to get all of the things done.
• 5:05
  Built-in Microphone: And also because it's a really intense mental energy that they're investing in, it can be hard for them to sleep at night because their body is tired, but their brain is not.
• 5:14
  Built-in Microphone: is still going.
• 5:15
  Built-in Microphone: Their brain is overstimulated and really trying hard to just do everything, right?
• 5:18
  Built-in Microphone: So building in short breaks throughout the day can really help with this.
• 5:22
  Built-in Microphone: So maybe you set a timer and you get up and you actually move every two hours or so just to allow your brain to take a little bit of a break.
• 5:29
  Built-in Microphone: It can also be helpful to keep a notepad next to your bed at night.
• 5:32
  Built-in Microphone: So that you can write down the thoughts that are coming to your head and kind of just remind your brain that, okay, right now we're having quiet hours, so I'm going to write this down.
• 5:40
  Built-in Microphone: I'll get to it in the morning.
• 5:41
  Built-in Microphone: It's kind of like sending things to voicemail, right?
• 5:44
  Built-in Microphone: So kind of just having an outlet for your mind and intentionally creating in those breaks can be really helpful.
• 5:51
  Built-in Microphone-5: Now around this mental energy, also make sure that you're giving yourself a lot of time to actually disconnect.
• 5:57
  Built-in Microphone-6: And to do this, you might want to find some way to actually break up your work time from your relaxation time.
• 6:03
  Built-in Microphone-6: So unplug, go and do a workout, do something that can indicate to your brain that, okay, work time is over and now it's time to rest.
• 6:12
  Built-in Microphone-7: Now just know that your brain is going to resist this.
• 6:15
  Built-in Microphone-7: Your brain is going to say, no, it's not going to get done unless I'm constantly thinking about it.
• 6:20
  Built-in Microphone-7: But the truth is, the better you get at actually giving yourself space for mental rest, the more productive you will be.
• 6:27
  Built-in Microphone-8: So go ahead and write it down, get it all out on paper, do some journaling, do whatever it is that you need to do to get it out of your head and onto some paper, get it outside of you so that you can actually rest.
• 6:38
  Built-in Microphone: All right, the third type of rest is sensory rest.
• 6:42
  Built-in Microphone: Now this is for those that are surrounded by bright lights and computer screens and Zoom calls all day.
• 6:47
  Built-in Microphone: So maybe they even work in an office and so there's this constant chatter of co workers all day.
• 6:51
  Built-in Microphone: Or maybe this is a mom at home and there's the constant chatter of children or the TV is running all day.
• 6:57
  Built-in Microphone: And so just kind of notice if there is a constant buzz or chatter around you and what is that doing for you energetically.
• 7:05
  Built-in Microphone: So some ways to fulfill your need for sensory rest are to unplug.
• 7:09
  Built-in Microphone: So actually walk away from the computer.
• 7:11
  Built-in Microphone: Turn off your phone or turn it to do not disturb, leave the TV and the radio off and just give yourself a bit of rest.
• 7:19
  Built-in Microphone: Recently I had the opportunity to go and just enjoy a soak tank where you lay down in a pod that is filled with warm and very dense salt water and you can just float.
• 7:30
  Built-in Microphone: And it was so magical and so amazing.
• 7:33
  Built-in Microphone: And it was a very interesting experience to just not Have my senses stimulated for an entire hour.
• 7:40
  Built-in Microphone: I oftentimes have to be a very intentional about putting my phone on do not disturb, especially since I got my new smartwatch because now not only is my phone buzzing, but now my watch is buzzing.
• 7:49
  Built-in Microphone: It's kind of a whole thing work all day.
• 7:51
  Built-in Microphone: I'm just kind of waiting on, Oh, who's sending me a message?
• 7:53
  Built-in Microphone: What's going on?
• 7:53
  Built-in Microphone: What are all of the alerts, but intentionally being free of that for an hour was really quite magical.
• 7:59
  Built-in Microphone: It was really relaxing and it definitely helped to undo a lot of the damage that can be done in an overstimulating world.
• 8:06
  Built-in Microphone: now it can even be helpful to really look at your five senses one at a time and see what each of those senses need.
• 8:12
  Built-in Microphone: So for example, with sight.
• 8:14
  Built-in Microphone: Do your eyes need a break from the screen?
• 8:16
  Built-in Microphone: Do they need some sunlight?
• 8:17
  Built-in Microphone: Do they need just quiet stillness and darkness?
• 8:20
  Built-in Microphone: What do your eyes need right now?
• 8:22
  Built-in Microphone: With sound, do your ears need a break from podcasts and need a little bit of silence or music instead?
• 8:28
  Built-in Microphone: I know for me, I'm a big time consumer of podcasts and audio books.
• 8:32
  Built-in Microphone: And so I have to be really intentional about this one and really be like, okay, nope.
• 8:35
  Built-in Microphone: Right now I need less information coming into my ears and I just need more music that just allows me to feel and to be.
• 8:41
  Built-in Microphone: I need that little bit of a break in my ears.
• 8:44
  Built-in Microphone-10: Now with your sense of smell, get really curious about what is going on and what you're bringing into your space.
• 8:50
  Built-in Microphone-10: I know that for me, sometimes I notice a little bit later than I would like that the trash is starting to smell and it really is pulling my energy down.
• 8:58
  Built-in Microphone-10: Or maybe there's a potato that's escaped from the bag in the pantry and it's now stinking up the joint and I don't even recognize it until later.
• 9:04
  Built-in Microphone-10: And it significantly impacts how I'm feeling and the energy that I have in that.
• 9:09
  Built-in Microphone-10: space.
• 9:10
  Built-in Microphone-10: So take out the trash, light a candle, spray some Febreze, light some incense, whatever it is that you need to do in order to help to just calm those senses and prevent them from being overstimulated by negatives.
• 9:22
  Built-in Microphone: With your sense of taste, maybe you want to be extra mindful as you place that grape in your mouth and you feel it burst and you experience the juices just exploding in your mouth.
• 9:31
  Built-in Microphone: You make that a mindfulness practice.
• 9:33
  Built-in Microphone: And with touch, this might include what you're currently wearing, so maybe make sure you're wearing fabrics that are a bit more comfortable on your skin.
• 9:40
  Built-in Microphone: It could also include hugs and cuddles, but get really curious about what each of these senses need.
• 9:46
  Built-in Microphone: And notice which senses are currently in overload.
• 9:49
  Built-in Microphone: And then ask yourself what it is that those senses need.
• 9:53
  Built-in Microphone: Alright, number four, creative rest.
• 9:55
  Built-in Microphone: Now this is especially for those of you who are big brainstormers or problem solvers all day long.
• 10:01
  Built-in Microphone: And maybe you've noticed that you've hit a creativity block, or you just can't create and problem solve like you want to.
• 10:06
  Built-in Microphone: Now, creative rest is what awakens the wonder and the awe inside of each of us.
• 10:12
  Built-in Microphone: And I love that Sandra used the term beauty rest for this one.
• 10:15
  Built-in Microphone: She talked about finding rest by spending time in the beauty of nature and enjoying all the beauties that nature has to offer.
• 10:23
  Built-in Microphone: So this might be recreating the feelings of awe that you experienced the first time that you saw the Grand Canyon or the first time that you found a waterfall.
• 10:30
  Built-in Microphone: But you can also find these beauties a little bit closer to home.
• 10:33
  Built-in Microphone: So maybe at your local park you just sit and you watch the leaves fall off of the tree or you study butterfly wings.
• 10:39
  Built-in Microphone: Or if it's winter where you are, maybe you're studying a snowflake like you did when you were a child.
• 10:43
  Built-in Microphone: But find some way to intentionally invite in that awe and that wonder.
• 10:49
  Built-in Microphone: And this might also look like surrounding yourself with other people's creativity.
• 10:52
  Built-in Microphone: And this could look like going to a concert or attending a museum.
• 10:56
  Built-in Microphone: Just kind of enjoy seeing other people in their creative space.
• 11:00
  Built-in Microphone: Now something to note is that those whose passions overlap with their work, then they often struggle in this area.
• 11:06
  Built-in Microphone: And so another thing that you might want to try is creating something just for you, with no intent to sell, but just to love yourself.
• 11:14
  Built-in Microphone: So find something fun that you can create just for the fun of it, not for the paycheck.
• 11:20
  Built-in Microphone: All right, number five, emotional rest.
• 11:23
  Built-in Microphone: Okay.
• 11:23
  Built-in Microphone: This is a big one for the helpers, the healers, and the people pleasers.
• 11:27
  Built-in Microphone: So this is for those of you that often find that you are the first one that people think of when they are in need of love and support.
• 11:33
  Built-in Microphone: Everybody seems to depend on you and people call you because they're basically banking on you giving them a yes, even if it's reluctantly.
• 11:40
  Built-in Microphone: They would rather get your reluctant yes than your truthful no.
• 11:44
  Built-in Microphone: Now this is a person that when they're by themselves, they can often feel alone or taken advantage of or unappreciated.
• 11:51
  Built-in Microphone: So when you find that you've hit a wall and you're starting to feel burned out and resentful towards the people that you're serving, and this might even be spilling into your other relationships as well, then it is time for emotional rest.
• 12:02
  Built-in Microphone: And this means having time and space to feel and process your own emotions rather than holding space for others.
• 12:09
  Built-in Microphone: And that might mean cutting back on people for a little while or cutting back on just the people that are the big drain for a temporary season.
• 12:16
  Built-in Microphone: Now I know that once upon a time when I was in desperate need of emotional rest, I decided that I needed to escape.
• 12:22
  Built-in Microphone: So I stayed in a cabin in the woods all by myself to regroup and it was beautiful and magical and amazing, not gonna lie.
• 12:30
  Built-in Microphone: And you don't need to do anything quite that extreme.
• 12:32
  Built-in Microphone: But that is always an option if you just really need a break.
• 12:36
  Built-in Microphone: And if you find that you're somebody that it is too easy for you to be easily accessible.
• 12:41
  Built-in Microphone: And so creating that space and going to a place where, I'm sorry, I'm just not going to have service can be very helpful.
• 12:47
  Built-in Microphone: Now emotional rest also means resisting the urge to keep your own inner turmoil hidden and being more honest and authentic when somebody asks how you're doing.
• 12:58
  Built-in Microphone: Also means actually stating your boundaries and taking some time And this might even mean muting your text messages from that certain someone for a couple of hours so that you can actually have your own cup filled.
• 13:09
  Built-in Microphone: Or just delaying reading the message for a little while.
• 13:12
  Built-in Microphone: So that you can feel strong and confident in your own self and show up in the way that you actually want to.
• 13:17
  Built-in Microphone-11: And it also means subscribing to podcasts like this one, because it has been one of my life's missions to make your level of loving and serving more sustainable for you.
• 13:29
  Built-in Microphone: So I really want to create something that helps you to fill your cup.
• 13:32
  Built-in Microphone: But it really all starts with that self awareness around what it is that you actually need so that you can start taking steps to fulfill that need.
• 13:41
  Built-in Microphone: Alright, number six, social rest.
• 13:44
  Built-in Microphone: Now if you are in need of emotional rest, then you are probably also in need of social rest.
• 13:49
  Built-in Microphone: And another indicator that you're in need of social rest is if you find yourself needing me time.
• 13:54
  Built-in Microphone: And this can be me time where you're all by yourself, or it can be me time.
• 13:58
  Built-in Microphone: Like going out with the ladies and having fun with other people.
• 14:01
  Built-in Microphone: So really, if you are in need of social rest, seek out people that really, truly fill your cup.
• 14:07
  Built-in Microphone: So yes, we love to love and serve and hold space.
• 14:11
  Built-in Microphone: And sometimes we need those same things for ourselves.
• 14:14
  Built-in Microphone: So become a little bit more aware about who in your circle is starting to become a drain, and then see if there are ways that you can maybe limit your engagement with these people and also intentionally seek out the people that really light you up.
• 14:26
  Built-in Microphone: I went to a business retreat in early January, and I didn't realize how much I needed those women until I found them.
• 14:33
  Built-in Microphone: Everybody there was a helper, a healer, or a people pleaser.
• 14:36
  Built-in Microphone: It was so much fun to just engage with them.
• 14:39
  Built-in Microphone: And because they are all helpers, healers, and people pleasers, it was really beautiful to see that all of them understood the power and the significance of holding space.
• 14:48
  Built-in Microphone: And everyone there had an opportunity to have space held for them.
• 14:52
  Built-in Microphone: Over that retreat and it was a beautiful thing and I enjoyed it so much that even though I am not Traditionally somebody that stays up late.
• 14:59
  Built-in Microphone: In fact, I go to bed quite early and I wake up long before the Sun does But I found myself staying up until 1 a.
• 15:06
  Built-in Microphone: m talking with these ladies about life and relationships and spirituality All of it.
• 15:11
  Built-in Microphone: Nothing was taboo.
• 15:13
  Built-in Microphone: And when we finally decided to go to bed, I had to laugh because I was so exhausted, but I was too excited to sleep because these were my people.
• 15:21
  Built-in Microphone: So I want you to know that your people are out there.
• 15:24
  Built-in Microphone: You just have to find them.
• 15:26
  Built-in Microphone: Now, as a side note, I really love that retreat so much that now I'm really dreaming about hosting my own retreats.
• 15:32
  Built-in Microphone: And more than likely, it'll be about a year before I host a retreat, but if this is something that you're interested in, make sure that you are subscribed to my email list.
• 15:40
  Built-in Microphone: I'll put a link in the show notes so that you can know when these retreats are happening.
• 15:44
  Built-in Microphone: And if you're super excited about a retreat and you just think, Oh my gosh, I can't wait to meet more people like me, then let me know.
• 15:51
  Built-in Microphone: And I can probably bump it up a bit sooner if there's enough interest.
• 15:54
  Built-in Microphone: I've been dreaming about hosting a retreat on the beach, in the mountains.
• 15:58
  Built-in Microphone: Guys, there's mountain and beach.
• 15:59
  Built-in Microphone: If we go to Bear Lake in Northern Utah, and it is just gorgeous.
• 16:03
  Built-in Microphone: I've been looking at the cabins up there that can sleep quite a few people.
• 16:06
  Built-in Microphone: So if that's something that you think you might be interested in for this fall, let me know and I can start to get the ball rolling on that.
• 16:13
  Built-in Microphone: So yes, apparently what I'm really needing right now is a lot of social rest.
• 16:16
  Built-in Microphone: I just need to surround myself with more people that are on that same wavelength.
• 16:21
  Built-in Microphone: And so yeah, the people that you are looking for are also looking for you.
• 16:26
  Built-in Microphone: All right, number seven, spiritual rest.
• 16:29
  Built-in Microphone: Now this is reaching beyond the physical and mental, and it really includes a deep sense of love and belonging.
• 16:35
  Built-in Microphone: And I'm going to talk Because really, without love, belonging, and purpose, then we're pretty much on track for a midlife or an existential crisis.
• 16:43
  Built-in Microphone: It's really important to have that sense of purpose and to have that deep and abiding love.
• 16:48
  Built-in Microphone: So create some pockets of peace that can really help you to connect in.
• 16:52
  Built-in Microphone: with that sense of love and belonging.
• 16:54
  Built-in Microphone: And this might look like joining in a spiritual practice with others, or it might look like volunteering in your community, or it might look like developing your spiritual self through books and meditation.
• 17:06
  Built-in Microphone: And you know what?
• 17:06
  Built-in Microphone: Even coaching can be a great way to find your path and to find your purpose while deepening your connection with yourself and others.
• 17:13
  Built-in Microphone: So if this is something that you would like support around a hundred percent, come and work with me.
• 17:17
  Built-in Microphone: This is my jam.
• 17:18
  Built-in Microphone: I love helping people to find themselves.
• 17:21
  Built-in Microphone: So there you go, the seven types of rest.
• 17:23
  Built-in Microphone: And again, I will link in the show notes to the TED talk.
• 17:25
  Built-in Microphone: If you want to go and check that out, that talks a little bit more about these seven types of rest.
• 17:29
  Built-in Microphone: And I also found online, then she had posted a quiz to see kind of what type of rest you are most in need of.
• 17:36
  Built-in Microphone: So I will link to that little online quiz.
• 17:39
  Built-in Microphone: I am super curious to hear which type of rest you are most in need of.
• 17:42
  Built-in Microphone: So come and find me on social media or you can email me at maryann at maryannwalker.
• 17:47
  Built-in Microphone: life.
• 17:47
  Built-in Microphone: Let me know what kind of rest you need.
• 17:49
  Built-in Microphone: Let me know if you're interested in a retreat and I can incorporate those types of rest.
• 17:53
  Built-in Microphone: into a retreat.
• 17:54
  Built-in Microphone: So yeah, let me know what is coming up for you and how I can best love and support you and help to make this podcast and future offerings.
• 18:02
  Built-in Microphone: Also something that can really fulfill those needs for you.
• 18:06
  Built-in Microphone: So, all right, here's to a week of rest.
• 18:08
  Built-in Microphone: Doesn't that sound amazing?
• 18:10
  Built-in Microphone: And let's talk soon.
• 18:11
  Built-in Microphone: All right.
• 18:11
  Built-in Microphone: Bye now.