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316. What Happens When the Helper Can't Handle You (When Coaches & Therapists Shame You) · How To Love Yourself No Matter What

• 0:00
  Hey,
• 0:00
  I'm
• 0:01
  Amanda
• 0:01
  Hess.
• 0:02
  I'm
• 0:02
  a
• 0:02
  certified
• 0:02
  life
• 0:03
  coach.
• 0:03
  But
• 0:04
  what
• 0:04
  you
• 0:04
  need
• 0:04
  to
• 0:04
  know
• 0:04
  is
• 0:05
  I'm
• 0:05
  a
• 0:05
  sensitive
• 0:06
  woman
• 0:06
  just
• 0:06
  like
• 0:07
  you,
• 0:07
  and
• 0:07
  I'm
• 0:08
  going
• 0:08
  to
• 0:08
  help
• 0:08
  you
• 0:09
  understand
• 0:09
  yourself
• 0:10
  better
• 0:10
  so
• 0:10
  that
• 0:11
  you
• 0:11
  can
• 0:11
  approach
• 0:11
  your
• 0:12
  life
• 0:12
  differently
• 0:13
  and
• 0:13
  feel
• 0:14
  really
• 0:15
  good
• 0:15
  about
• 0:15
  it.
• 0:16
  Let's
• 0:16
  go.
• 0:17
  What
• 0:17
  happens
• 0:18
  when
• 0:18
  the
• 0:18
  helper
• 0:19
  can't
• 0:20
  handle
• 0:20
  you?
• 0:20
  Today
• 0:21
  I
• 0:21
  got
• 0:21
  triggered
• 0:22
  on
• 0:22
  a
• 0:22
  business
• 0:23
  call,
• 0:23
  and
• 0:24
  I'm
• 0:24
  recording
• 0:25
  this
• 0:25
  hot
• 0:25
  because
• 0:26
  this
• 0:26
  matters.
• 0:27
  The
• 0:27
  problem
• 0:28
  that
• 0:28
  I'm
• 0:28
  seeing
• 0:29
  in
• 0:29
  the
• 0:29
  world
• 0:29
  right
• 0:30
  now
• 0:30
  is
• 0:30
  that
• 0:31
  there
• 0:31
  is
• 0:31
  a
• 0:31
  systemic
• 0:32
  failure
• 0:33
  in
• 0:33
  the
• 0:33
  helping
• 0:33
  industry.
• 0:34
  Coaches
• 0:35
  and
• 0:35
  therapists
• 0:36
  are
• 0:36
  opening
• 0:36
  emotional
• 0:37
  doors
• 0:38
  that
• 0:38
  they
• 0:38
  are
• 0:39
  completely
• 0:39
  unprepared
• 0:40
  to
• 0:41
  sit
• 0:41
  in.
• 0:42
  I
• 0:42
  have
• 0:42
  just
• 0:42
  seen
• 0:43
  again
• 0:43
  and
• 0:44
  again
• 0:45
  where
• 0:45
  when
• 0:46
  somebody
• 0:46
  arrives
• 0:47
  to
• 0:47
  an
• 0:48
  environment
• 0:48
  where
• 0:48
  they
• 0:49
  require
• 0:49
  assistance,
• 0:50
  rather
• 0:51
  than
• 0:51
  being
• 0:52
  seen
• 0:53
  in
• 0:53
  the
• 0:53
  moment,
• 0:54
  rather
• 0:54
  than
• 0:54
  being
• 0:55
  given
• 0:55
  space
• 0:56
  to
• 0:56
  really
• 0:57
  just
• 0:57
  move
• 0:58
  through
• 0:58
  what
• 0:58
  you're
• 0:59
  feeling,
• 0:59
  if
• 1:00
  somebody
• 1:00
  else
• 1:01
  decides
• 1:02
  that
• 1:02
  how
• 1:02
  you're
• 1:02
  reacting
• 1:03
  is
• 1:03
  an
• 1:03
  overreaction,
• 1:05
  then
• 1:05
  in
• 1:06
  a
• 1:06
  professional
• 1:07
  space,
• 1:07
  it
• 1:08
  gets
• 1:08
  pathologized.
• 1:09
  And
• 1:10
  I
• 1:10
  have
• 1:10
  seen
• 1:10
  this
• 1:10
  happen
• 1:11
  over
• 1:11
  and
• 1:11
  over
• 1:12
  again.
• 1:12
  And
• 1:12
  I'm
• 1:12
  going
• 1:13
  to
• 1:13
  talk
• 1:13
  about
• 1:14
  three
• 1:15
  different
• 1:16
  experiences
• 1:16
  that
• 1:17
  I've
• 1:17
  had
• 1:17
  personally
• 1:18
  to
• 1:18
  try
• 1:19
  and
• 1:19
  help
• 1:20
  you
• 1:20
  see
• 1:21
  what
• 1:22
  happens.
• 1:23
  So
• 1:24
  there
• 1:24
  was
• 1:24
  a
• 1:24
  time
• 1:24
  early
• 1:25
  on
• 1:25
  in
• 1:25
  my
• 1:25
  business
• 1:25
  where
• 1:26
  I
• 1:26
  had
• 1:26
  joined
• 1:26
  a
• 1:27
  business
• 1:27
  mastermind.
• 1:28
  It
• 1:28
  was
• 1:29
  a
• 1:29
  very
• 1:29
  large
• 1:29
  investment.
• 1:30
  It
• 1:30
  was,
• 1:30
  I
• 1:31
  think,
• 1:31
  $25,000
• 1:32
  for
• 1:32
  a
• 1:32
  full
• 1:33
  year
• 1:33
  of
• 1:33
  coaching.
• 1:34
  We
• 1:34
  met
• 1:34
  in
• 1:34
  person
• 1:35
  several
• 1:35
  times,
• 1:36
  and
• 1:36
  in
• 1:36
  many
• 1:36
  ways,
• 1:37
  there
• 1:37
  were
• 1:37
  great
• 1:37
  things
• 1:38
  about
• 1:38
  this
• 1:38
  business
• 1:38
  mastermind,
• 1:39
  but
• 1:40
  there
• 1:40
  were
• 1:40
  things
• 1:40
  about
• 1:41
  this
• 1:41
  business
• 1:41
  mastermind
• 1:42
  that
• 1:42
  were
• 1:42
  not
• 1:43
  so
• 1:43
  great.
• 1:44
  There
• 1:44
  was
• 1:44
  a
• 1:44
  day
• 1:45
  we
• 1:45
  were
• 1:45
  doing
• 1:45
  open
• 1:46
  coaching,
• 1:46
  and
• 1:46
  we
• 1:46
  would
• 1:47
  sit
• 1:47
  in
• 1:47
  a
• 1:47
  semicircle
• 1:48
  in
• 1:48
  a
• 1:48
  conference
• 1:49
  room,
• 1:49
  and
• 1:50
  every
• 1:50
  single
• 1:50
  person
• 1:51
  would
• 1:51
  be
• 1:52
  asked
• 1:52
  to
• 1:53
  about
• 1:54
  their
• 1:54
  coaching
• 1:54
  business,
• 1:55
  what
• 1:55
  they
• 1:55
  were
• 1:55
  looking
• 1:56
  for,
• 1:56
  the
• 1:56
  coaching
• 1:56
  they
• 1:56
  required.
• 1:57
  Now,
• 1:57
  something
• 1:57
  you
• 1:58
  need
• 1:58
  to
• 1:58
  know
• 1:58
  about
• 1:58
  me
• 1:59
  is
• 1:59
  that
• 1:59
  if
• 2:00
  you
• 2:00
  ask
• 2:00
  me
• 2:01
  to
• 2:01
  talk
• 2:01
  about
• 2:01
  things
• 2:01
  that
• 2:02
  are
• 2:02
  deeply
• 2:02
  important
• 2:02
  to
• 2:03
  me,
• 2:03
  no
• 2:04
  matter
• 2:04
  what
• 2:04
  they
• 2:04
  are,
• 2:05
  no
• 2:05
  matter
• 2:06
  if
• 2:06
  they
• 2:06
  create
• 2:07
  happy
• 2:07
  emotions
• 2:08
  or
• 2:08
  sad
• 2:08
  emotions
• 2:09
  or
• 2:09
  frustrated
• 2:10
  emotions
• 2:10
  or
• 2:10
  overwhelmed
• 2:11
  emotions,
• 2:12
  I
• 2:12
  am
• 2:12
  the
• 2:12
  kind
• 2:12
  of
• 2:13
  person
• 2:13
  that
• 2:13
  will
• 2:14
  cry.
• 2:14
  There
• 2:15
  is
• 2:15
  a
• 2:15
  buildup
• 2:16
  of
• 2:16
  emotional
• 2:16
  pressure
• 2:17
  that
• 2:17
  goes
• 2:17
  on
• 2:17
  for
• 2:17
  me
• 2:18
  in
• 2:18
  an
• 2:18
  experience
• 2:18
  where
• 2:19
  I'm
• 2:19
  put
• 2:19
  on
• 2:19
  the
• 2:19
  spot
• 2:20
  where
• 2:20
  this
• 2:20
  happens.
• 2:21
  And
• 2:21
  so
• 2:22
  in
• 2:22
  this
• 2:22
  business
• 2:22
  mastermind,
• 2:24
  I
• 2:24
  was,
• 2:24
  first
• 2:25
  of
• 2:25
  all
• 2:25
  getting
• 2:26
  coaching
• 2:26
  that
• 2:26
  I,
• 2:27
  years
• 2:27
  later,
• 2:28
  don't
• 2:28
  fully
• 2:29
  agree
• 2:29
  with.
• 2:29
  Okay,
• 2:30
  at
• 2:30
  the
• 2:30
  time,
• 2:31
  it
• 2:31
  was
• 2:31
  very
• 2:31
  confrontational.
• 2:32
  Now,
• 2:32
  coaching
• 2:33
  can
• 2:33
  be
• 2:33
  confrontational.
• 2:34
  That
• 2:34
  in
• 2:35
  itself
• 2:35
  is
• 2:35
  not
• 2:35
  a
• 2:35
  problem.
• 2:36
  But
• 2:36
  what
• 2:36
  happened
• 2:36
  was
• 2:37
  I
• 2:37
  started
• 2:37
  crying,
• 2:38
  and
• 2:39
  I
• 2:39
  was
• 2:40
  trying
• 2:40
  to
• 2:41
  plant
• 2:41
  myself
• 2:41
  and
• 2:41
  be
• 2:41
  present.
• 2:42
  And
• 2:42
  granted,
• 2:42
  there
• 2:43
  were,
• 2:43
  you
• 2:43
  know,
• 2:43
  25
• 2:44
  other
• 2:44
  business
• 2:44
  owners
• 2:45
  in
• 2:45
  the
• 2:45
  room,
• 2:45
  and
• 2:45
  they
• 2:45
  were
• 2:45
  all
• 2:46
  looking
• 2:46
  at
• 2:46
  me.
• 2:47
  But
• 2:47
  in
• 2:47
  that
• 2:47
  moment,
• 2:48
  I
• 2:48
  was
• 2:49
  told
• 2:49
  that
• 2:49
  they
• 2:49
  were
• 2:49
  going
• 2:50
  to
• 2:50
  move
• 2:50
  on
• 2:51
  and
• 2:51
  they
• 2:51
  could
• 2:51
  come
• 2:51
  back
• 2:52
  to
• 2:52
  me
• 2:52
  when
• 2:52
  I
• 2:52
  could
• 2:52
  get
• 2:52
  myself
• 2:53
  back
• 2:53
  together.
• 2:54
  Now,
• 2:55
  I
• 2:55
  think
• 2:55
  it's
• 2:55
  important
• 2:56
  to
• 2:56
  understand
• 2:57
  that
• 2:57
  when
• 2:58
  you
• 2:58
  are
• 2:58
  building
• 2:58
  a
• 2:59
  business,
• 2:59
  it
• 3:00
  is
• 3:00
  an
• 3:00
  emotional
• 3:01
  venture.
• 3:01
  It
• 3:02
  comes
• 3:02
  from
• 3:02
  your
• 3:02
  heart
• 3:02
  and
• 3:03
  soul.
• 3:03
  It
• 3:03
  comes
• 3:03
  from
• 3:04
  your
• 3:05
  lived
• 3:05
  experience.
• 3:06
  You
• 3:06
  are
• 3:06
  bringing
• 3:07
  everything
• 3:07
  to
• 3:07
  it.
• 3:08
  I
• 3:08
  always
• 3:09
  say
• 3:09
  to
• 3:09
  my
• 3:09
  clients
• 3:10
  that
• 3:10
  are
• 3:10
  entrepreneurs,
• 3:11
  entrepreneurship
• 3:12
  will
• 3:13
  bring
• 3:13
  out
• 3:13
  every
• 3:13
  emotion.
• 3:14
  It
• 3:15
  will
• 3:15
  show
• 3:15
  all
• 3:15
  your
• 3:15
  cracks,
• 3:16
  it
• 3:16
  will
• 3:16
  show
• 3:16
  all
• 3:17
  your
• 3:17
  insecurities.
• 3:18
  It
• 3:18
  will
• 3:18
  all
• 3:18
  become
• 3:19
  really
• 3:20
  present
• 3:20
  for
• 3:20
  you.
• 3:21
  And
• 3:21
  that
• 3:21
  doesn't
• 3:21
  mean
• 3:22
  that
• 3:22
  anything's
• 3:22
  gone
• 3:23
  wrong.
• 3:23
  But
• 3:24
  in
• 3:24
  this
• 3:24
  experience,
• 3:25
  what
• 3:25
  I
• 3:26
  was,
• 3:26
  was
• 3:26
  very
• 3:26
  unseen.
• 3:28
  And
• 3:28
  how
• 3:28
  it
• 3:29
  felt
• 3:29
  for
• 3:29
  me
• 3:30
  was,
• 3:30
  I
• 3:31
  can't
• 3:31
  show
• 3:31
  up
• 3:31
  as
• 3:32
  myself
• 3:32
  here.
• 3:33
  I
• 3:33
  can't
• 3:33
  be
• 3:34
  real
• 3:34
  here,
• 3:35
  where
• 3:35
  I
• 3:36
  invested
• 3:36
  $25,000,
• 3:38
  where
• 3:38
  I
• 3:38
  had
• 3:39
  flown
• 3:39
  from
• 3:40
  Canada
• 3:40
  to
• 3:40
  California
• 3:41
  to
• 3:41
  be
• 3:41
  a
• 3:42
  part
• 3:42
  of
• 3:42
  this
• 3:42
  business
• 3:42
  mastermind,
• 3:43
  I
• 3:43
  was
• 3:44
  not
• 3:44
  able
• 3:45
  to
• 3:45
  bring
• 3:46
  what
• 3:46
  was
• 3:47
  real
• 3:47
  and
• 3:47
  true
• 3:48
  for
• 3:48
  me,
• 3:48
  and
• 3:48
  it
• 3:48
  was
• 3:48
  very
• 3:49
  damaging.
• 3:50
  It
• 3:50
  took
• 3:51
  me
• 3:51
  months
• 3:52
  to
• 3:52
  work
• 3:52
  through
• 3:53
  that
• 3:53
  coaching.
• 3:54
  It
• 3:54
  took
• 3:54
  me
• 3:54
  months
• 3:54
  to
• 3:55
  get
• 3:55
  to
• 3:55
  a
• 3:55
  place
• 3:55
  where
• 3:55
  I
• 3:56
  felt
• 3:56
  more
• 3:56
  secure
• 3:56
  in
• 3:56
  myself
• 3:57
  again,
• 3:57
  and
• 3:57
  it
• 3:58
  was
• 3:58
  damaging.
• 3:59
  Now
• 3:59
  what
• 4:00
  I've
• 4:00
  learned
• 4:01
  is
• 4:01
  that
• 4:02
  I
• 4:02
  am
• 4:03
  very
• 4:03
  careful
• 4:04
  who
• 4:04
  I
• 4:05
  allow
• 4:05
  to
• 4:06
  coach
• 4:06
  me.
• 4:07
  I
• 4:07
  am
• 4:07
  very
• 4:07
  careful
• 4:08
  how
• 4:10
  I
• 4:10
  decide
• 4:12
  to
• 4:13
  present
• 4:13
  myself
• 4:14
  to
• 4:14
  somebody
• 4:15
  that
• 4:15
  is
• 4:15
  there
• 4:16
  to
• 4:16
  help
• 4:16
  me.
• 4:17
  And
• 4:17
  there
• 4:18
  are
• 4:19
  really
• 4:19
  a
• 4:19
  lot
• 4:20
  of
• 4:20
  different
• 4:20
  service
• 4:20
  providers
• 4:21
  out
• 4:21
  there,
• 4:21
  and
• 4:21
  they
• 4:22
  offer
• 4:22
  different
• 4:22
  levels
• 4:23
  of
• 4:23
  support.
• 4:23
  And
• 4:24
  so
• 4:24
  what
• 4:24
  I
• 4:24
  realize
• 4:25
  is
• 4:25
  in
• 4:26
  business,
• 4:27
  a
• 4:27
  lot
• 4:27
  of
• 4:27
  times
• 4:28
  there
• 4:29
  are
• 4:29
  coaches
• 4:30
  and
• 4:30
  therapists
• 4:31
  alike
• 4:31
  that
• 4:32
  do
• 4:32
  not
• 4:33
  have
• 4:33
  the
• 4:33
  capacity
• 4:34
  for
• 4:34
  the
• 4:34
  emotional
• 4:35
  experience
• 4:35
  that
• 4:35
  I'm
• 4:36
  having.
• 4:36
  That
• 4:36
  this
• 4:37
  is
• 4:37
  actually
• 4:37
  a
• 4:37
  them
• 4:38
  problem
• 4:38
  and
• 4:39
  not
• 4:39
  a
• 4:39
  me
• 4:39
  problem.
• 4:40
  That
• 4:40
  I
• 4:41
  personalized
• 4:41
  that.
• 4:42
  And
• 4:42
  it
• 4:42
  makes
• 4:42
  sense
• 4:42
  because
• 4:43
  it
• 4:43
  knocked
• 4:43
  on
• 4:43
  all
• 4:44
  my
• 4:44
  trauma,
• 4:44
  right?
• 4:45
  It
• 4:45
  brought
• 4:45
  up
• 4:46
  all
• 4:46
  of
• 4:46
  those
• 4:47
  really
• 4:47
  yucky
• 4:48
  feelings
• 4:48
  of
• 4:49
  insecurity,
• 4:49
  not
• 4:50
  belonging,
• 4:51
  being
• 4:51
  able
• 4:51
  to
• 4:51
  do
• 4:51
  this,
• 4:51
  doing
• 4:52
  this
• 4:52
  wrong.
• 4:53
  All
• 4:53
  the
• 4:53
  things
• 4:53
  that
• 4:53
  come
• 4:54
  up
• 4:54
  for
• 4:54
  all
• 4:54
  of
• 4:54
  you
• 4:55
  when
• 4:55
  I
• 4:55
  talk
• 4:55
  to
• 4:55
  you
• 4:55
  about
• 4:56
  any
• 4:56
  area
• 4:56
  in
• 4:56
  your
• 4:56
  life,
• 4:57
  it
• 4:57
  brought
• 4:57
  it
• 4:57
  all
• 4:57
  up.
• 4:58
  But
• 4:58
  what
• 4:59
  I
• 4:59
  learned
• 5:00
  is
• 5:00
  that
• 5:01
  this
• 5:01
  had
• 5:01
  nothing
• 5:01
  to
• 5:02
  do
• 5:02
  with
• 5:02
  me
• 5:02
  and
• 5:03
  everything
• 5:03
  to
• 5:03
  do
• 5:03
  with
• 5:04
  her.
• 5:04
  And
• 5:05
  it
• 5:05
  took
• 5:05
  a
• 5:05
  long
• 5:05
  time
• 5:06
  for
• 5:06
  me
• 5:06
  to
• 5:07
  roll
• 5:07
  that
• 5:07
  around.
• 5:07
  And
• 5:08
  I
• 5:08
  want
• 5:08
  to
• 5:08
  talk
• 5:08
  about
• 5:09
  it
• 5:09
  because
• 5:09
  I
• 5:09
  know
• 5:09
  that
• 5:10
  it's
• 5:10
  something
• 5:10
  that
• 5:10
  is
• 5:10
  happening
• 5:11
  for
• 5:11
  so
• 5:11
  many
• 5:12
  of
• 5:12
  you
• 5:12
  out
• 5:12
  there
• 5:12
  in
• 5:13
  your
• 5:13
  lives.
• 5:14
  You're
• 5:14
  trying
• 5:14
  to
• 5:14
  go
• 5:15
  out
• 5:15
  there
• 5:15
  and
• 5:15
  get
• 5:15
  help.
• 5:16
  But
• 5:16
  then
• 5:16
  what
• 5:17
  happens
• 5:17
  is
• 5:17
  when
• 5:17
  you
• 5:18
  are
• 5:18
  in
• 5:18
  the
• 5:18
  middle
• 5:18
  of
• 5:18
  trying
• 5:19
  to
• 5:19
  get
• 5:19
  support
• 5:19
  and
• 5:19
  you're
• 5:20
  sharing
• 5:20
  what's
• 5:21
  happening
• 5:21
  for
• 5:21
  you,
• 5:22
  whether
• 5:22
  be
• 5:23
  crying,
• 5:24
  anger,
• 5:25
  resistance,
• 5:26
  frustration,
• 5:27
  overwhelm,
• 5:28
  whatever
• 5:28
  it
• 5:29
  is,
• 5:29
  you
• 5:30
  will
• 5:30
  be
• 5:30
  in
• 5:31
  environments
• 5:32
  sometimes
• 5:33
  where
• 5:33
  this
• 5:33
  industry
• 5:34
  where
• 5:34
  the
• 5:35
  people
• 5:35
  Helping
• 5:35
  you,
• 5:36
  the
• 5:36
  people
• 5:36
  you
• 5:37
  pay
• 5:37
  to
• 5:37
  help
• 5:37
  you
• 5:38
  will
• 5:38
  unwittingly,
• 5:39
  I
• 5:39
  don't
• 5:40
  think
• 5:40
  it's
• 5:40
  purposefully
• 5:41
  not
• 5:42
  be
• 5:42
  trauma
• 5:42
  aware,
• 5:43
  not
• 5:43
  be
• 5:44
  emotion
• 5:44
  aware,
• 5:44
  and
• 5:45
  not
• 5:45
  have
• 5:45
  the
• 5:45
  capacity
• 5:46
  to
• 5:46
  sit
• 5:46
  with
• 5:46
  you
• 5:47
  with
• 5:47
  all
• 5:47
  that
• 5:47
  you're
• 5:48
  going
• 5:48
  through.
• 5:48
  But
• 5:49
  that
• 5:49
  says
• 5:49
  everything
• 5:50
  about
• 5:50
  them
• 5:51
  and
• 5:51
  nothing
• 5:51
  about
• 5:52
  you.
• 5:52
  Because
• 5:53
  you
• 5:53
  can't
• 5:53
  do
• 5:54
  your
• 5:54
  own
• 5:54
  feelings
• 5:55
  wrong.
• 5:56
  You
• 5:56
  don't
• 5:56
  need
• 5:56
  to
• 5:57
  become
• 5:57
  a
• 5:58
  robot.
• 5:58
  You
• 5:59
  don't
• 5:59
  need
• 5:59
  your
• 5:59
  emotions
• 6:00
  to
• 6:00
  go
• 6:00
  away.
• 6:01
  That's
• 6:02
  not
• 6:02
  required.
• 6:03
  And
• 6:04
  other
• 6:04
  people,
• 6:04
  other
• 6:04
  service
• 6:05
  providers
• 6:06
  may
• 6:06
  tell
• 6:06
  you
• 6:06
  that.
• 6:06
  And
• 6:07
  you
• 6:07
  might
• 6:07
  find
• 6:08
  that
• 6:08
  shame
• 6:08
  coming
• 6:09
  in.
• 6:09
  What
• 6:09
  I
• 6:10
  need
• 6:10
  you
• 6:10
  to
• 6:10
  understand
• 6:11
  is,
• 6:11
  and
• 6:11
  that
• 6:11
  was
• 6:11
  never
• 6:12
  your
• 6:12
  shame
• 6:13
  to
• 6:13
  hold.
• 6:14
  It
• 6:14
  was
• 6:14
  never
• 6:14
  your
• 6:14
  shame
• 6:15
  to
• 6:15
  hold.
• 6:15
  This
• 6:16
  is
• 6:17
  100%
• 6:18
  a
• 6:18
  capacity
• 6:19
  problem
• 6:19
  on
• 6:19
  their
• 6:20
  end.
• 6:21
  And
• 6:21
  I
• 6:21
  just
• 6:22
  need
• 6:22
  to
• 6:23
  shout
• 6:23
  that
• 6:23
  to
• 6:23
  you
• 6:24
  from
• 6:24
  the
• 6:24
  rooftops
• 6:25
  today.
• 6:25
  I'm
• 6:25
  going
• 6:26
  to
• 6:26
  give
• 6:26
  you
• 6:26
  some
• 6:26
  other
• 6:26
  examples.
• 6:27
  So
• 6:28
  I
• 6:28
  was
• 6:28
  in
• 6:28
  another
• 6:28
  coaching
• 6:29
  container.
• 6:30
  This
• 6:30
  was
• 6:30
  years
• 6:31
  prior,
• 6:31
  before
• 6:32
  I'd
• 6:32
  even
• 6:32
  found
• 6:32
  life
• 6:33
  coaching.
• 6:33
  And
• 6:34
  I
• 6:34
  was
• 6:34
  being
• 6:34
  coached.
• 6:35
  I
• 6:35
  was
• 6:35
  in
• 6:35
  a
• 6:36
  sort
• 6:36
  of
• 6:36
  a
• 6:36
  group
• 6:36
  space.
• 6:37
  And
• 6:38
  while
• 6:38
  we
• 6:38
  were
• 6:38
  on
• 6:38
  the
• 6:38
  call,
• 6:39
  we
• 6:39
  all
• 6:39
  were
• 6:39
  supposed
• 6:39
  to
• 6:40
  share.
• 6:40
  And
• 6:40
  when
• 6:41
  I
• 6:41
  came
• 6:41
  in
• 6:41
  and
• 6:41
  shared,
• 6:42
  now
• 6:42
  this
• 6:42
  is
• 6:43
  a
• 6:43
  really
• 6:43
  spiritual
• 6:44
  kind
• 6:44
  of
• 6:44
  business
• 6:44
  space
• 6:45
  that
• 6:45
  I
• 6:45
  was
• 6:45
  in,
• 6:46
  I
• 6:47
  shared
• 6:48
  authentically
• 6:48
  how
• 6:49
  I
• 6:49
  was
• 6:49
  doing
• 6:49
  and
• 6:50
  how
• 6:50
  I
• 6:50
  was
• 6:50
  feeling
• 6:50
  and
• 6:50
  what
• 6:51
  I
• 6:51
  was
• 6:51
  up
• 6:51
  to.
• 6:51
  And
• 6:52
  in
• 6:52
  the
• 6:52
  middle
• 6:52
  of
• 6:52
  talking,
• 6:53
  my
• 6:53
  coach
• 6:53
  interrupted
• 6:54
  me
• 6:54
  and
• 6:54
  said,
• 6:54
  you
• 6:54
  know,
• 6:55
  Amanda,
• 6:55
  I'm
• 6:56
  going
• 6:56
  to
• 6:56
  get
• 6:56
  you
• 6:56
  to
• 6:56
  meet
• 6:56
  yourself
• 6:57
  and
• 6:57
  you
• 6:57
  can
• 6:57
  come
• 6:58
  back
• 6:58
  when
• 6:58
  you
• 6:58
  have
• 6:58
  a
• 6:59
  more
• 6:59
  appropriate
• 6:59
  share.
• 7:00
  Now,
• 7:00
  my
• 7:00
  question
• 7:01
  to
• 7:01
  you
• 7:01
  would
• 7:01
  be,
• 7:02
  who
• 7:02
  gets
• 7:02
  to
• 7:02
  decide
• 7:03
  whether
• 7:03
  or
• 7:03
  not
• 7:03
  this
• 7:03
  is
• 7:04
  an
• 7:04
  appropriate
• 7:04
  share?
• 7:05
  It
• 7:05
  was
• 7:05
  so
• 7:06
  confrontational.
• 7:07
  It
• 7:07
  was
• 7:07
  so
• 7:08
  triggering.
• 7:09
  And
• 7:10
  to
• 7:10
  have
• 7:10
  a
• 7:11
  business
• 7:11
  coach,
• 7:12
  life
• 7:12
  coach,
• 7:13
  who
• 7:14
  knew
• 7:14
  me,
• 7:14
  who
• 7:15
  understood
• 7:16
  where
• 7:16
  my
• 7:16
  trauma
• 7:17
  was,
• 7:17
  understood
• 7:17
  what
• 7:18
  my
• 7:18
  triggers
• 7:18
  were
• 7:19
  for
• 7:19
  her
• 7:19
  to
• 7:20
  show
• 7:21
  up
• 7:21
  in
• 7:21
  that
• 7:21
  space,
• 7:21
  in
• 7:21
  that
• 7:22
  way,
• 7:22
  in
• 7:22
  a
• 7:22
  public
• 7:22
  space,
• 7:23
  just
• 7:23
  the
• 7:24
  way
• 7:24
  that
• 7:24
  it
• 7:24
  was
• 7:24
  even
• 7:25
  said
• 7:25
  or
• 7:25
  handled
• 7:26
  was
• 7:27
  appalling.
• 7:28
  I'm
• 7:28
  still
• 7:29
  appalled.
• 7:29
  Looking
• 7:29
  back,
• 7:30
  it's
• 7:31
  completely
• 7:32
  unprofessional.
• 7:33
  It's
• 7:33
  completely
• 7:33
  not
• 7:34
  okay.
• 7:35
  And
• 7:35
  it
• 7:36
  devolved
• 7:36
  from
• 7:36
  that
• 7:37
  place.
• 7:37
  And
• 7:37
  what
• 7:37
  I
• 7:37
  will
• 7:38
  tell
• 7:38
  you
• 7:38
  is
• 7:38
  that
• 7:38
  she
• 7:38
  never
• 7:38
  coached
• 7:39
  me
• 7:39
  again,
• 7:40
  not
• 7:40
  one
• 7:40
  time.
• 7:41
  And
• 7:41
  I'm
• 7:41
  very
• 7:41
  proud
• 7:42
  of
• 7:42
  myself
• 7:43
  for
• 7:43
  putting
• 7:43
  that
• 7:43
  boundary
• 7:44
  down.
• 7:44
  Even
• 7:45
  though
• 7:45
  I
• 7:45
  had
• 7:45
  paid
• 7:45
  her,
• 7:46
  we
• 7:46
  just
• 7:46
  stopped
• 7:46
  coaching.
• 7:47
  I'm
• 7:47
  not
• 7:47
  saying
• 7:48
  that
• 7:48
  you
• 7:48
  need
• 7:48
  to
• 7:49
  not
• 7:49
  coach
• 7:49
  with
• 7:49
  people
• 7:50
  that
• 7:50
  trigger
• 7:51
  you
• 7:51
  or
• 7:51
  that
• 7:52
  push
• 7:52
  you.
• 7:53
  You
• 7:53
  do
• 7:53
  want
• 7:54
  to
• 7:54
  do
• 7:54
  that.
• 7:55
  What
• 7:55
  I
• 7:55
  will
• 7:55
  say,
• 7:56
  though,
• 7:56
  is
• 7:56
  that
• 7:57
  this,
• 7:57
  once
• 7:57
  again,
• 7:58
  was
• 7:58
  not
• 7:58
  trauma
• 7:58
  aware,
• 7:59
  was
• 7:59
  a
• 8:00
  leadership
• 8:00
  issue
• 8:00
  in
• 8:01
  her
• 8:01
  group.
• 8:01
  She
• 8:01
  should
• 8:02
  have
• 8:02
  been
• 8:02
  more
• 8:02
  specific
• 8:02
  about
• 8:03
  what
• 8:03
  would
• 8:03
  be
• 8:03
  shared
• 8:04
  and
• 8:04
  what
• 8:04
  wouldn't
• 8:04
  be
• 8:04
  shared.
• 8:05
  It's
• 8:05
  not
• 8:05
  like
• 8:05
  I
• 8:05
  was
• 8:05
  Sharing
• 8:05
  my
• 8:06
  trauma.
• 8:06
  I
• 8:06
  was
• 8:06
  nothing
• 8:06
  like
• 8:07
  that.
• 8:07
  I
• 8:08
  think
• 8:08
  I
• 8:08
  apologize
• 8:08
  for
• 8:09
  not
• 8:09
  having
• 8:09
  my
• 8:09
  hair
• 8:10
  done.
• 8:10
  That
• 8:10
  was
• 8:10
  the
• 8:10
  problem.
• 8:11
  But
• 8:12
  it
• 8:12
  was
• 8:13
  an
• 8:13
  emotional
• 8:14
  space.
• 8:15
  When
• 8:15
  we
• 8:15
  enter
• 8:16
  these
• 8:16
  spaces,
• 8:16
  these
• 8:16
  are
• 8:17
  emotional
• 8:17
  spaces.
• 8:18
  And
• 8:18
  for
• 8:18
  those
• 8:18
  of
• 8:18
  us
• 8:18
  that
• 8:19
  are
• 8:19
  emotional,
• 8:19
  right,
• 8:20
  that
• 8:20
  we
• 8:20
  are
• 8:20
  highly
• 8:20
  sensitive
• 8:21
  people,
• 8:23
  we
• 8:23
  have
• 8:24
  trauma,
• 8:24
  we
• 8:24
  have
• 8:25
  things
• 8:25
  that
• 8:25
  we're
• 8:25
  bringing
• 8:26
  with
• 8:26
  ourselves,
• 8:26
  does
• 8:26
  that
• 8:27
  mean
• 8:27
  that
• 8:27
  people
• 8:27
  need
• 8:27
  to
• 8:27
  tiptoe
• 8:28
  around
• 8:28
  us?
• 8:29
  No,
• 8:29
  I'm
• 8:29
  not
• 8:29
  saying
• 8:30
  that.
• 8:30
  But
• 8:31
  what
• 8:31
  I
• 8:31
  am
• 8:31
  saying
• 8:31
  is
• 8:32
  that
• 8:32
  not
• 8:32
  all
• 8:33
  service
• 8:33
  providers,
• 8:34
  and
• 8:34
  a
• 8:34
  lot
• 8:34
  of
• 8:34
  them
• 8:35
  don't
• 8:35
  have
• 8:36
  the
• 8:36
  capacity
• 8:37
  for
• 8:37
  the
• 8:37
  emotional
• 8:38
  experience
• 8:38
  you
• 8:39
  have.
• 8:39
  And
• 8:39
  that
• 8:40
  does
• 8:40
  not
• 8:40
  mean
• 8:40
  that
• 8:40
  there
• 8:40
  is
• 8:41
  something
• 8:41
  broken
• 8:41
  or
• 8:41
  deficient
• 8:42
  or
• 8:42
  shameful
• 8:43
  about
• 8:43
  you.
• 8:44
  And
• 8:44
  this
• 8:44
  is
• 8:44
  the
• 8:44
  piece
• 8:45
  that
• 8:45
  I
• 8:45
  really
• 8:45
  want
• 8:45
  to
• 8:45
  bring
• 8:46
  to
• 8:46
  the
• 8:46
  present.
• 8:47
  The
• 8:47
  experience
• 8:47
  that
• 8:48
  I
• 8:48
  had
• 8:48
  today
• 8:48
  on
• 8:48
  a
• 8:49
  call
• 8:49
  was
• 8:49
  listening
• 8:50
  to
• 8:50
  a
• 8:50
  business
• 8:51
  coach
• 8:51
  whom
• 8:52
  I
• 8:52
  deeply
• 8:52
  respect
• 8:52
  and
• 8:53
  admire,
• 8:54
  but
• 8:54
  who
• 8:54
  definitely
• 8:56
  does
• 8:56
  not
• 8:57
  have
• 8:58
  comfort
• 8:58
  or
• 8:59
  familiarity
• 9:00
  coaching
• 9:01
  around
• 9:01
  allowing
• 9:02
  emotion.
• 9:03
  And
• 9:03
  so
• 9:04
  when
• 9:04
  she
• 9:04
  talks
• 9:05
  about
• 9:05
  somebody
• 9:06
  being
• 9:06
  dysregulated,
• 9:07
  her
• 9:07
  response
• 9:08
  on
• 9:08
  this
• 9:08
  call
• 9:09
  was
• 9:09
  that
• 9:10
  this
• 9:10
  person
• 9:10
  needs
• 9:11
  therapy
• 9:11
  to
• 9:11
  get
• 9:11
  regulated.
• 9:12
  And
• 9:13
  I
• 9:13
  couldn't
• 9:13
  disagree
• 9:14
  more.
• 9:15
  I
• 9:15
  have
• 9:15
  done
• 9:16
  20
• 9:17
  plus
• 9:17
  years
• 9:18
  of
• 9:18
  therapy,
• 9:19
  on
• 9:19
  and
• 9:19
  off.
• 9:19
  And
• 9:20
  what
• 9:20
  I
• 9:20
  will
• 9:20
  tell
• 9:20
  you
• 9:21
  is
• 9:21
  I've
• 9:22
  never
• 9:22
  learned
• 9:23
  better
• 9:23
  regulation
• 9:24
  than
• 9:24
  I
• 9:24
  have.
• 9:24
  When
• 9:25
  I
• 9:25
  have
• 9:25
  participated
• 9:26
  in
• 9:26
  a
• 9:26
  coaching
• 9:26
  environment
• 9:27
  with
• 9:27
  a
• 9:28
  coach
• 9:28
  who
• 9:28
  is
• 9:28
  trauma
• 9:29
  aware,
• 9:30
  with
• 9:30
  the
• 9:30
  coach
• 9:30
  that
• 9:30
  is
• 9:31
  familiar
• 9:31
  and
• 9:31
  confident
• 9:32
  with
• 9:32
  processing
• 9:33
  and
• 9:33
  allowing
• 9:33
  emotion,
• 9:34
  that
• 9:34
  to
• 9:35
  me
• 9:35
  is
• 9:35
  actually
• 9:35
  what's
• 9:36
  needed.
• 9:36
  So
• 9:36
  what
• 9:36
  she
• 9:36
  should
• 9:37
  have
• 9:37
  said,
• 9:37
  in
• 9:38
  my
• 9:38
  opinion,
• 9:39
  is
• 9:39
  that
• 9:39
  I'm
• 9:39
  not
• 9:39
  skilled
• 9:40
  in
• 9:40
  this
• 9:40
  area
• 9:41
  to
• 9:42
  further
• 9:42
  go
• 9:42
  down
• 9:43
  the
• 9:43
  road
• 9:43
  of
• 9:44
  pathologization,
• 9:45
  of
• 9:46
  determining
• 9:46
  what
• 9:47
  treatment
• 9:47
  somebody
• 9:48
  needs.
• 9:49
  That,
• 9:49
  to
• 9:49
  me,
• 9:49
  is
• 9:50
  stepping
• 9:50
  out
• 9:50
  of
• 9:50
  your
• 9:50
  lane
• 9:51
  and
• 9:51
  it's
• 9:52
  damaging,
• 9:53
  it's
• 9:53
  problematic.
• 9:54
  This
• 9:54
  same
• 9:55
  coach
• 9:55
  had
• 9:55
  told
• 9:55
  me
• 9:56
  on
• 9:56
  a
• 9:56
  call
• 9:56
  when
• 9:56
  I
• 9:56
  was
• 9:57
  mildly
• 9:58
  emotional
• 9:59
  that
• 9:59
  I
• 9:59
  also
• 10:00
  should
• 10:00
  seek
• 10:00
  therapy.
• 10:01
  I've
• 10:01
  done
• 10:02
  lots
• 10:02
  of
• 10:02
  therapy,
• 10:03
  but
• 10:03
  coaching
• 10:03
  is
• 10:03
  actually
• 10:04
  what
• 10:04
  changes
• 10:04
  for
• 10:04
  me
• 10:05
  now.
• 10:05
  The
• 10:05
  learning
• 10:06
  is.
• 10:06
  I
• 10:07
  don't
• 10:07
  have
• 10:07
  to
• 10:07
  internalize
• 10:08
  that
• 10:08
  to
• 10:08
  mean
• 10:09
  that
• 10:09
  there's
• 10:09
  something
• 10:09
  wrong
• 10:10
  with
• 10:10
  me.
• 10:10
  The
• 10:11
  shame
• 10:11
  that
• 10:11
  comes
• 10:11
  up,
• 10:12
  it
• 10:12
  doesn't
• 10:13
  mean
• 10:13
  that's
• 10:13
  the
• 10:14
  truth
• 10:14
  about
• 10:14
  me.
• 10:15
  And
• 10:15
  I
• 10:15
  want
• 10:15
  you
• 10:16
  to
• 10:16
  know
• 10:16
  that
• 10:16
  that
• 10:16
  is
• 10:16
  the
• 10:17
  truth
• 10:17
  for
• 10:17
  you
• 10:17
  too.
• 10:17
  It
• 10:17
  does
• 10:18
  not
• 10:18
  need
• 10:18
  to
• 10:18
  be
• 10:18
  the
• 10:18
  truth
• 10:19
  about
• 10:19
  you.
• 10:20
  That
• 10:20
  if
• 10:21
  somebody,
• 10:21
  a
• 10:21
  professional,
• 10:22
  doesn't
• 10:23
  have
• 10:23
  the
• 10:23
  space
• 10:23
  or
• 10:23
  capacity
• 10:24
  or
• 10:24
  ability
• 10:24
  to
• 10:25
  help
• 10:25
  you,
• 10:25
  that
• 10:26
  that
• 10:26
  means
• 10:26
  that
• 10:26
  you,
• 10:27
  you
• 10:27
  are
• 10:27
  too
• 10:27
  emotional,
• 10:28
  too
• 10:28
  problematic,
• 10:29
  or
• 10:29
  you
• 10:29
  have
• 10:29
  some
• 10:30
  sort
• 10:30
  of
• 10:31
  pathologized
• 10:32
  illness
• 10:32
  that
• 10:33
  needs
• 10:33
  to
• 10:33
  be
• 10:33
  treated
• 10:34
  before
• 10:34
  you
• 10:34
  can
• 10:34
  get
• 10:34
  help
• 10:34
  from
• 10:35
  them.
• 10:35
  The
• 10:35
  truth
• 10:36
  is
• 10:37
  that
• 10:37
  I've
• 10:37
  had
• 10:37
  many
• 10:38
  clients
• 10:38
  that
• 10:38
  have
• 10:38
  come
• 10:39
  to
• 10:39
  discovery
• 10:39
  calls
• 10:40
  who
• 10:40
  have
• 10:40
  told
• 10:40
  me
• 10:40
  that
• 10:40
  their
• 10:41
  therapists
• 10:42
  have
• 10:42
  fired
• 10:42
  them
• 10:43
  for
• 10:43
  Being
• 10:43
  too
• 10:44
  emotional.
• 10:45
  I've
• 10:45
  had
• 10:45
  many
• 10:46
  clients
• 10:46
  come
• 10:46
  to
• 10:47
  me
• 10:47
  and
• 10:47
  tell
• 10:47
  me
• 10:47
  that
• 10:47
  they
• 10:48
  have
• 10:48
  been
• 10:48
  in
• 10:49
  a
• 10:49
  counseling
• 10:50
  environment
• 10:50
  where
• 10:50
  they
• 10:50
  have
• 10:51
  been
• 10:51
  shamed
• 10:51
  for
• 10:52
  how
• 10:52
  they
• 10:52
  feel.
• 10:53
  The
• 10:53
  truth
• 10:53
  is
• 10:53
  this
• 10:54
  is
• 10:54
  everywhere.
• 10:55
  And
• 10:55
  my
• 10:56
  problem
• 10:56
  with
• 10:56
  it
• 10:56
  is
• 10:57
  it's
• 10:57
  not
• 10:57
  trauma
• 10:58
  aware.
• 10:59
  Shutting
• 10:59
  down
• 11:00
  emotion
• 11:01
  doesn't
• 11:01
  protect
• 11:02
  the
• 11:02
  client.
• 11:03
  It
• 11:03
  re
• 11:04
  traumatizes
• 11:05
  them.
• 11:05
  It
• 11:05
  confirms
• 11:06
  the
• 11:06
  belief
• 11:07
  that
• 11:07
  they
• 11:07
  came
• 11:07
  to
• 11:07
  heal,
• 11:08
  that
• 11:08
  I
• 11:08
  am
• 11:08
  too
• 11:09
  much
• 11:09
  and
• 11:09
  my
• 11:09
  feelings
• 11:10
  are
• 11:10
  a
• 11:10
  problem.
• 11:11
  My
• 11:11
  clients
• 11:12
  come
• 11:13
  to
• 11:13
  me
• 11:13
  all
• 11:13
  the
• 11:13
  time.
• 11:14
  They
• 11:14
  are
• 11:14
  crying,
• 11:15
  they
• 11:15
  are
• 11:16
  angry,
• 11:16
  they
• 11:16
  are
• 11:16
  resistant,
• 11:17
  they
• 11:17
  are
• 11:17
  circling
• 11:18
  the
• 11:18
  same
• 11:18
  thing
• 11:19
  over
• 11:19
  and
• 11:19
  over.
• 11:20
  Sometimes
• 11:20
  they're
• 11:21
  lying
• 11:21
  to
• 11:21
  me.
• 11:22
  And
• 11:22
  all
• 11:22
  of
• 11:23
  it
• 11:23
  is
• 11:23
  welcome.
• 11:24
  None
• 11:24
  of
• 11:24
  it
• 11:24
  is
• 11:24
  pathologized.
• 11:25
  And
• 11:25
  that's
• 11:26
  because
• 11:26
  that
• 11:26
  is
• 11:27
  the
• 11:28
  work.
• 11:29
  This
• 11:29
  transforms
• 11:30
  people.
• 11:30
  This
• 11:31
  helps
• 11:31
  people.
• 11:32
  The
• 11:32
  way
• 11:32
  that
• 11:32
  I
• 11:33
  changed
• 11:33
  my
• 11:33
  life
• 11:34
  was
• 11:34
  not
• 11:35
  by
• 11:35
  hiding
• 11:36
  how
• 11:36
  I
• 11:37
  am
• 11:37
  doing
• 11:37
  emotionally,
• 11:38
  or
• 11:38
  deciding
• 11:39
  that
• 11:39
  it
• 11:39
  can
• 11:40
  only
• 11:40
  be
• 11:40
  in
• 11:40
  this
• 11:41
  very
• 11:41
  specific
• 11:42
  therapeutic
• 11:43
  space
• 11:43
  that
• 11:44
  doesn't
• 11:44
  even
• 11:44
  work
• 11:44
  for
• 11:45
  me.
• 11:45
  And
• 11:45
  so
• 11:46
  if
• 11:46
  you're
• 11:46
  in
• 11:46
  that
• 11:47
  situation
• 11:47
  right
• 11:47
  now,
• 11:48
  if
• 11:48
  you're
• 11:48
  a
• 11:48
  person
• 11:49
  that
• 11:49
  is
• 11:49
  experiencing
• 11:50
  this
• 11:50
  or
• 11:51
  has
• 11:51
  experienced
• 11:52
  this,
• 11:52
  take
• 11:52
  a
• 11:52
  deep
• 11:52
  breath
• 11:52
  with
• 11:53
  me.
• 11:55
  We're
• 11:56
  okay.
• 11:56
  Nothing
• 11:57
  has
• 11:57
  gone
• 11:57
  wrong.
• 11:58
  Emotions
• 11:58
  are
• 11:58
  welcome.
• 11:59
  Emotions
• 12:00
  are
• 12:00
  welcome
• 12:00
  in
• 12:01
  my
• 12:01
  practice,
• 12:01
  emotions
• 12:02
  are
• 12:02
  welcome
• 12:02
  when
• 12:02
  you
• 12:02
  talk
• 12:03
  to
• 12:03
  me.
• 12:03
  Emotions
• 12:04
  are
• 12:04
  welcome
• 12:04
  when
• 12:04
  you're
• 12:05
  my
• 12:05
  friend,
• 12:05
  when
• 12:06
  you're
• 12:06
  my
• 12:06
  family
• 12:06
  member.
• 12:07
  I
• 12:07
  will
• 12:07
  never
• 12:08
  shame
• 12:08
  you
• 12:08
  for
• 12:08
  them.
• 12:09
  And
• 12:09
  we
• 12:09
  need
• 12:10
  more
• 12:10
  of
• 12:10
  that
• 12:11
  in
• 12:11
  the
• 12:11
  world,
• 12:11
  not
• 12:12
  less.
• 12:12
  So
• 12:13
  if
• 12:13
  you
• 12:13
  have
• 12:13
  been
• 12:15
  moving
• 12:15
  around
• 12:16
  through
• 12:16
  the
• 12:16
  treatment
• 12:17
  space
• 12:17
  trying
• 12:18
  to
• 12:18
  figure
• 12:18
  out
• 12:19
  what
• 12:19
  works
• 12:20
  for
• 12:20
  you,
• 12:20
  what
• 12:20
  doesn't
• 12:21
  work
• 12:21
  for
• 12:21
  you,
• 12:21
  how
• 12:22
  to
• 12:22
  get
• 12:22
  through
• 12:22
  things,
• 12:22
  and
• 12:23
  you
• 12:23
  have
• 12:23
  had
• 12:23
  the
• 12:23
  experience
• 12:24
  of
• 12:24
  someone
• 12:25
  shaming
• 12:25
  you,
• 12:26
  dismissing
• 12:27
  you,
• 12:27
  shutting
• 12:28
  you
• 12:28
  down
• 12:28
  for
• 12:29
  how
• 12:29
  you
• 12:29
  feel,
• 12:30
  telling
• 12:30
  you
• 12:31
  that
• 12:31
  it's
• 12:31
  inappropriate
• 12:32
  to
• 12:32
  have
• 12:32
  this
• 12:33
  reaction
• 12:34
  if
• 12:34
  you
• 12:34
  have
• 12:34
  been
• 12:35
  in
• 12:35
  that
• 12:35
  situation.
• 12:36
  I
• 12:36
  need
• 12:36
  you
• 12:36
  to
• 12:36
  know
• 12:37
  you're
• 12:38
  not
• 12:38
  the
• 12:39
  problem.
• 12:40
  The
• 12:40
  help
• 12:40
  is.
• 12:42
  You
• 12:42
  need
• 12:42
  a
• 12:42
  different
• 12:43
  form
• 12:43
  of
• 12:43
  help.
• 12:44
  That
• 12:44
  is
• 12:44
  the
• 12:44
  truth,
• 12:45
  my
• 12:45
  friend.
• 12:46
  You
• 12:46
  are
• 12:46
  allowed
• 12:47
  to
• 12:47
  show
• 12:47
  up
• 12:47
  as
• 12:47
  the
• 12:47
  fullest,
• 12:48
  most
• 12:49
  authentic
• 12:49
  version
• 12:49
  of
• 12:50
  yourself.
• 12:50
  It
• 12:51
  is
• 12:51
  actually
• 12:51
  required.
• 12:52
  It
• 12:52
  is
• 12:53
  the
• 12:53
  thing
• 12:53
  that
• 12:53
  will
• 12:53
  allow
• 12:53
  you
• 12:54
  to
• 12:54
  feel
• 12:54
  confident.
• 12:54
  It
• 12:55
  is
• 12:55
  the
• 12:55
  thing
• 12:55
  that
• 12:55
  will
• 12:55
  allow
• 12:55
  you
• 12:56
  to
• 12:56
  feel
• 12:56
  free.
• 12:57
  There
• 12:57
  are
• 12:57
  people
• 12:58
  who
• 12:58
  won't
• 12:59
  reject
• 12:59
  that.
• 13:00
  There
• 13:00
  are
• 13:01
  helpers,
• 13:02
  coaches,
• 13:03
  therapists,
• 13:04
  counselors
• 13:04
  that
• 13:05
  won't
• 13:05
  reject
• 13:05
  that.
• 13:06
  There
• 13:06
  are
• 13:07
  friends
• 13:08
  and
• 13:09
  family
• 13:09
  members
• 13:10
  who
• 13:10
  won't
• 13:10
  reject
• 13:10
  that.
• 13:11
  There
• 13:11
  are
• 13:12
  significant
• 13:12
  others
• 13:12
  that
• 13:13
  won't
• 13:13
  reject
• 13:13
  that.
• 13:14
  Your
• 13:15
  mission
• 13:15
  is
• 13:16
  simply
• 13:16
  to
• 13:17
  start
• 13:17
  approving
• 13:17
  of
• 13:17
  yourself,
• 13:19
  learning
• 13:19
  how
• 13:19
  to
• 13:19
  love
• 13:19
  yourself
• 13:20
  and
• 13:20
  going
• 13:20
  out
• 13:20
  in
• 13:20
  the
• 13:21
  world
• 13:21
  and
• 13:21
  finding
• 13:21
  them.
• 13:22
  If
• 13:22
  you
• 13:22
  want
• 13:23
  some
• 13:23
  help
• 13:23
  with
• 13:23
  that,
• 13:23
  if
• 13:24
  you
• 13:24
  want
• 13:24
  someone
• 13:24
  to
• 13:25
  see
• 13:25
  you
• 13:25
  on
• 13:25
  a
• 13:25
  call,
• 13:26
  you
• 13:26
  can
• 13:27
  book
• 13:27
  a
• 13:27
  discovery
• 13:27
  call
• 13:27
  with
• 13:28
  me.
• 13:28
  You
• 13:28
  can
• 13:28
  go
• 13:28
  to
• 13:29
  amandahess
• 13:30
  Ca
• 13:32
  bookacall
• 13:33
  Let's
• 13:33
  talk
• 13:34
  about
• 13:34
  it.
• 13:34
  You
• 13:35
  are
• 13:35
  not
• 13:35
  too
• 13:35
  much.
• 13:36
  It
• 13:36
  is
• 13:36
  not
• 13:36
  too
• 13:37
  much
• 13:37
  of
• 13:37
  a
• 13:37
  problem.
• 13:37
  You
• 13:38
  are
• 13:38
  not
• 13:38
  somehow
• 13:38
  inherently
• 13:39
  broken.
• 13:40
  You
• 13:40
  do
• 13:40
  not
• 13:40
  need
• 13:41
  years
• 13:41
  of
• 13:41
  therapy
• 13:43
  unless
• 13:43
  you
• 13:43
  want
• 13:43
  to
• 13:44
  go
• 13:44
  that
• 13:44
  route.
• 13:45
  You
• 13:45
  can
• 13:45
  just
• 13:45
  start
• 13:46
  coaching
• 13:46
  and
• 13:47
  you
• 13:47
  can
• 13:47
  start
• 13:47
  creating
• 13:47
  some
• 13:48
  relief.
• 13:48
  You
• 13:49
  can
• 13:49
  start
• 13:49
  creating
• 13:49
  some
• 13:50
  regulation
• 13:50
  with
• 13:50
  actual
• 13:51
  help.
• 13:52
  This
• 13:52
  is
• 13:52
  available
• 13:52
  to
• 13:53
  you.
• 13:53
  All
• 13:53
  right,
• 13:54
  my
• 13:54
  friends,
• 13:54
  that's
• 13:54
  what
• 13:55
  I've
• 13:55
  got.
• 13:55
  Hope
• 13:56
  you
• 13:56
  have
• 13:56
  a
• 13:56
  beautiful
• 13:56
  day.
• 13:56
  I'll
• 13:57
  talk
• 13:57
  to
• 13:57
  you
• 13:57
  next
• 13:57
  time.
• 13:57
  Bye.
• 14:00
  Thanks
• 14:01
  so
• 14:01
  much
• 14:01
  for
• 14:01
  listening
• 14:02
  today.
• 14:02
  If
• 14:03
  this
• 14:03
  podcast
• 14:03
  is
• 14:04
  helping
• 14:04
  you,
• 14:04
  please
• 14:05
  follow
• 14:05
  wherever
• 14:05
  you
• 14:06
  listen
• 14:06
  and
• 14:06
  consider
• 14:07
  leaving
• 14:07
  a
• 14:07
  review.
• 14:08
  It
• 14:08
  truly
• 14:09
  helps
• 14:09
  this
• 14:09
  community
• 14:09
  grow
• 14:10
  and
• 14:10
  allows
• 14:11
  me
• 14:11
  to
• 14:11
  support
• 14:12
  more
• 14:12
  women
• 14:13
  like
• 14:13
  you.
• 14:14
  I'm
• 14:14
  excited
• 14:15
  to
• 14:15
  see
• 14:15
  you
• 14:15
  back
• 14:15
  here
• 14:15
  next
• 14:16
  week
• 14:16
  with
• 14:16
  a
• 14:16
  brand
• 14:17
  new
• 14:17
  episode.
• 14:18
  Until
• 14:18
  then,
• 14:19
  take
• 14:19
  care,
• 14:19
  friend.