Latest / Heal Yourself Podcast / Episode 32: Transforming Inherited Beliefs for Deeper Healing With Dina-Marie Weineck

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Episode 32: Transforming Inherited Beliefs for Deeper Healing With Dina-Marie Weineck · Heal Yourself Podcast

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: I'm Denise, a speech-language pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we are here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind and soul.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing your relationship with yourself, healing trauma and even transforming your money story.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: We're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: So, whether you're looking to heal physically, emotionally or spiritually, join us as we explore the many paths to wholeness and wellness.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: Today I have a special guest for you, who I will introduce in just a moment.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: Unfortunately, denise could not be with us, but it's still going to be a great episode.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: So today I'm talking to Dana Marie, who's the creator of Way of the Founder, a dynamic space where personal growth, spiritual exploration and business leadership converge to help visionary nomads, expats and other transplants build location independent businesses with purpose.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: An expat nomad of 10 years and professional coach for over five years, dina Marie empowers entrepreneurs to stop trading time for money and build businesses that align with their wildest dreams of freedom and impact.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: And before I say welcome, dina, I want to say, even if you are not a business owner, it is okay.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: I still want you to listen to this episode.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: There's going to be lots for you.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: So, dina, welcome, hello, happy to be here.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so happy to have you.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: So tell us a little bit about yourself.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: I know we chatted just a moment before recording, but your story is intriguing.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: But I think, like I mentioned, even though you're geared towards entrepreneurs.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: This is going to help so many people regardless.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely and really, for me, my whole life, whether it was as a kid, as a dancer, as a nine to five person or as an entrepreneur, my north star has always been how can I have more freedom and how can I have an actual impact and be fulfilled doing the thing that I want to be doing?
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: Right, and it sounds super aspirational, right Like wait a minute you want to have a fulfilling life and a great impact and have the choice to burn it all down and start over all at the same time in the same lifetime.
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I kind of do.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: I really do and you know, with that North Star has always come the courage for me to, like I just said, burn it all down Right.
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: I grew up in Germany, originally from Germany, and I had an amazing opportunity to come to the United States and study there and with that my professional background has really become orchestra management.
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: So I was in the weeds, I was fundraising, I was planning community engagement events for classical orchestras, and what always excited me most about my work in the office was the work I could do outside the office where I could work with aspiring musicians or with professional musicians who were aspiring entrepreneurs.
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: We're like Dina.
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: I have this idea and I think it's going to make a huge impact on the community that I care about.
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: I just don't know the business.
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: Can you help me Right and fast forward?
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: I'm sure we'll get into why and how I quit my job and how that all turned into me being a nomad now and living in Da Nang for the time being.
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: But fast forward.
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: I work as a coach with those who seek more freedom in their lives, specifically more freedom of choice.
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: That might look like becoming or being a nomad.
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: That might look like being a nomad and wanting to quit your job and build your own business.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: That might look like I just want to have the choice to work from a different state or from out of the country for a month or three months a year, right?
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: So freedom, if we really look at it, just like success.
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: We really look at it.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: We all have a different definition for it.
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: We tend to all pursue the same definition and that's a problem that I'm sure we'll get into.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: But if we really look at it and if we really return to our most authentic, most loving self, we all have a different idea for what success or freedom are meant to look, feel like and taste like, right?
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: So that's what I do with my clients.
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: I help them build the life that's truly authentic to them, wildly fulfilling and massively impactful.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: Because when you are happy, if you become happy and fulfilled, that has a ripple effect.
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: The work that you do in the world, if you do it from a place of authenticity, it has an amazing and a positive and a loving ripple effect.
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: And that's what I'm really interested in.
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: That's my guiding star.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, and it's.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: It's such a powerful thing too, because I think it's so easy to take one path in life and be like, well, I'm here, so I'm just going to stick with it.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: And I think so many are lacking purpose and passion in their lives and then they're wondering why they're chronically ill.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: Like, yeah, that can be a factor If you're not living out your life's purpose and you're just going through the motions and pleasing others and'm just going to my nine to five.
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's no wonder you're, you know, dealing with ongoing stuff and freedom, like you said, means different things to different people.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: That's actually my number one value.
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: So I always talk to clients about are we even working from our values?
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: Do we know what our values are If your value is freedom and you're not living a freedom-based life, whatever that looks like?
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: Again, good luck.
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: Right, right, yeah.
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: And I think you know, when it comes to just sort of going through the motions and realizing that you're actually not living or living towards your purpose, I think it's easy to say, oh yeah, like I want to do something that's on purpose for me.
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: But if we really look at the mindset of it, more often than not I find that in working with my clients there is a real identity shift that has to happen.
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: If you're looking to switch careers, if you're looking to change your tax status, aka leave your 9 to 5 and become an entrepreneur, right, because more often than not we identify with the path towards success that has been laid out for us.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: If we follow that, I will be lovable.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: If I follow that path of success, I will be worthy of fill in the blanks love right.
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: So there is some real inner work that has to take place more often than not where we can reclaim the source of love right.
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: More often than not, as children, at some point that source gets given away to someone, to something, to source outside ourselves, and if we make that source happy, maybe, maybe then we'll be seen as successful, maybe then we'll seen as lovable right.
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: So the path out of a nine to five, or even if you stay in a nine to five, you switch your career and you rearrange your life for purpose, that path inevitably has come across the point where you take back control.
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: I describe to my clients you take back the remote control over your feelings and you say, no, I'm the one who's pushing the buttons, because I know that I'm responsible for my happiness.
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: That means others don't get to have control over that, and that's easier said than done.
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: But however uncomfortable that journey may be, it's also one of the most rewarding journeys that I've personally ever gone on.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I can relate.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: I was a nine to five.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: I was a middle school English teacher for years and then made the leap myself.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: So yeah, tell us a little bit.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: How did you get to that place, like what caused you to leave your job and go down this road?
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: The year is 2019.
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: Over a decade following a path not only of predefined and predetermined success, but a path that I hoped would help me gain my parents' approval and validation right.
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: There was a lot of chaos in my early childhood and that sort of had me end up in a place where uncertainty wasn't really something I gelled with right.
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: So I always made sure that I knew the next step and I always made sure that I had tunnel vision on that next step.
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: Because feeling all of the feelings from my past, from my childhood, feeling all of the trauma, allowing all of the feelings in that felt really chaotic, really overwhelming.
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: It felt like it might drown me.
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: It didn't, but took a lot of damn courage to let them back in right.
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: So it felt easier, it felt more comfortable to follow someone else's path towards success, and so I did right.
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: I graduated, I went to the US.
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: That was unconventional.
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: I'll say that I went to the us.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: That was unconventional.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: I'll say that I went to the us as an international student on a full scholarship, like that's unheard of um, and by the time I was settled in my job and I was beginning to get promotions, I looked around and this life that this person named Dina was living, was beautiful, was great, right, perfect LA, the great job, the dream job, a cute car, great relationship, but I couldn't see myself in it and I couldn't see myself in it.
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: I felt like every day I was just living this weird out-of-body experience.
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: It's like, oh yeah, I know, this is my body, I know that I, the soul, made this all happen, but it doesn't feel authentic.
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: And then I began to ask myself some really deep questions.
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: I would drive into the office, or I would drive into work an hour early to have an opportunity to sit in a cafe before going into the office to just journal.
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: And I would ask myself questions every morning like who would I be if this career didn't define my life, if money wasn't a problem?
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: What would I want to do If I wasn't afraid what my mom would think of me quitting this job?
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: What would I do, yeah, if I could just pause?
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: How would I relate to myself?
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: How would I relate to my body?
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: And then, at one point, everything just sort of came to a head.
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: You know, I was living in the US, working in the US on a visa as an expat.
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: My visa was up for renewal and our board chair sat me down and she was like we love you and we want to keep you around.
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: We'll pay for your visa, we'll sponsor you.
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: And also, here's more money and here's a promotion.
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: Any normal person would have been like yes, okay, great like any normal person would have been like yes, okay, great and expats, dream come true, right, and I had a nervous breakdown that evening and I walked in the next morning with so much clarity more clarity than I had ever had in my life and I handed in my two weeks notice and I came home that day and I put a one-way ticket out of the country to Ho Chi Minh City, vietnam not the reason why.
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: I'm currently in Vietnam.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: That was a backpacking trip to just sort of, you know, get my bearings.
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: But yeah, I just cold turkey quit.
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: I had no plan, I just knew this, ain't it?
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: yeah this ain't it and it was.
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: You know, sometimes you do the thing that you've been afraid of for years, but somewhere within the last few months, not doing the thing is actually scarier than doing it.
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: There comes a tipping point, and that was that for me, like staying in the job was like feels like a death sentence.
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: Right, Not because the job was bad it wasn't great leadership but because it was so out of alignment with what I wanted to do, with what I wanted to say, with who I wanted to become.
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: So I quit.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: Good for you.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: I mean similar, and I won't get into my story, obviously, but I understand where you're coming from and I think it's so easy for women to hold themselves back.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, we're going to play safe.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: We can't do that crazy thing when, in reality, that crazy thing is going to bring you closer to you.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: Sometimes we need to do that crazy thing that gets you out of the box.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: Otherwise, you're just going to keep remaining in the same pattern and you're not living.
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely.
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: You know, I talk a lot about the mother wound.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: I was I.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: It's so funny that you said that because I was, you mentioned mother and I'm like, hmm, let's talk about the mother wounds.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: Let's talk about it For those that don't know what is the mother wound.
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: Well, a mother wound is a lot of things.
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: So actually there is a book that I like to reference, for all those who are interested, brave enough to read it, by bethany bethany webster.
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: She wrote a book called discovering the inner mother, and I really like that term.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: The inner mother mother wound sounds really drastic and I'll say, looking at our relationship, especially as women, looking at our relationship to our mom, that's a drastic move to dare to question what our moms told us, to dare to question, uh, our mom's beliefs about life and the world that at some point as children we have internalized.
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: That takes bravery right.
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: So there's there's truth to calling it the mother wound, but I really do love the, the, the healing term discovering the inner mother.
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: Right, you're not only remothering yourself in healing the mother wound, but but you're creating a whole new relationship.
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: That sounds a little compoundy, but you're learning to relate differently to your relationship to your mom, and I'll get into that.
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: You asked me a question, though what is the mother wound?
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: Well, it's the enmeshment of the daughter's identity with that of the mom.
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: Right, and it manifests in so many different things, right.
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: Typically, you'll find that manifest when you feel as though you can't be yourself around your mom, when you weigh every decision that you make in your life against what your mom will think about it, when you change the color of your hair because of something that your mom said.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: I'm raising my hand for those who can't see, I'm like how many women are like, oh crap that's me, right.
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: Like right now, I wear my natural hair color and I freaking love it.
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: I adore it.
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: I'm like, literally in love with my hair, not from a narcissistic place, but it took me a really long time to no longer dye my hair the way my mom dyes her hair.
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, time to no longer dye my hair the the way my mom dyes her hair.
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, right.
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: So that's the mother wound.
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: It's it's an enmeshment of your identity with that of your mom.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: I believe we all have the mother wound to an extent.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: We all have an opportunity to look at.
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: Okay, well, this beautiful caregiver called my mom, she raised me, and some of her thoughts I have taken on and thought that they are my own.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: But do I have an opportunity to examine these thoughts and do I really believe these thoughts?
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: That's the surface level, right, and sometimes, if we have a really healthy relationship with our moms, that's where we get to stop.
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: But sometimes we don't.
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: Sometimes we become the caregiver of our moms emotionally, right, way too early on.
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: I'm not talking about when we were 15, our moms are 70.
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: I'm talking about when we were five, right, yeah, we become the parentified daughter and we take on an emotional responsibility that we're not meant to take on, right?
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: So that plays out in many different ways in adult life, and I mentioned a few of them.
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: Right, it's when we weigh our decisions against what our moms will think about us and how that will affect the emotional wellbeing of our moms, because we haven't yet understood that in the same way in which I have to claim back the remote control over my emotions, I also have to claim back the remote control over my emotions.
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: I also have to give back the remote control over the emotions of my mom to my mom.
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: Right, and that's the work of healing the mother wound is a disentanglement of identities.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that description, and one thing I want to clarify for our listeners is just because you had a wonderful relationship growing up with your mother doesn't mean you can't have mother wounds.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: The thing is is we are so impressionable between the ages of zero and seven that's when everything comes about.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: Our beliefs are all of it right, our programming is what I'll call it, and as you get older in life you start to question some of that.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: So, again, you can have an amazing relationship with your mother.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: It doesn't mean she was bad.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: It means we're doing the same thing to our children and they're going to do the same thing to theirs.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: We're just adopting at that age what we're being told, and so it's not a bad thing.
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: But, like you said, it's, it's unweaving that it's, I say, unlearning.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: We have to unlearn some stuff.
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: It's unlearning, it's deconditioning, and you know, there are two things I want to echo and to expound on in what you're saying.
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: We all have a mother wound, right, we all have an opportunity to examine our relationship to our moms.
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: And two things here.
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: One, that doesn't mean our moms are bad.
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: That doesn't mean that we have to begin to judge our moms.
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: Like, the whole process of looking at oh wait, a minute, that's my mom's identity, that's not actually my identity that that process has to be full of self-compassion and empathy for our little kids, our inner child and our moms, right, like there's, hate has no place in healing.
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: Judgment has no place in healing, in fact it hinders it.
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: Right, and and a more right to to those to the male listeners who may be tuning into the podcast right, we're talking about the daughter mother relationship.
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: That's just a very, very primal relationship, right, and there's so that.
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: So that societal factors that factor into how a woman views her, her place in society, right, but every child has to some extent or another and enmeshed identity with their primary caregiver.
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: Right, and a more all encompassing term, of course, to to look at that as trauma.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: And you have trauma, I have trauma, the next person has trauma.
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: My trauma isn't bigger than yours.
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: I find that a lot when people are beginning to heal, it's like oh, you know, it wasn't that bad.
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: I don't actually have that bigger trauma, and that may be true.
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: You most definitely didn't experience everything else that the next person experienced.
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: Your trauma is very unique to you and you get to claim it right.
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: You get to find the wisdom within it, you get to find the lessons within it, and only by accepting what happened as having happened, without a judgment, without having to blow it out of proportion or to diminish it.
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: No, this happened.
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: And in accepting it point blank.
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: Now what becomes available is forgiveness work.
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: Now, what becomes available is compassion and empathy, and what becomes available is and I think bethany webster says this in her book is the medicine inside the wound healing it's healing that's where the healing process begins.
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: In order, to heal trauma.
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: You can't go around it, you can't circumvent the trauma.
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you have to go through, and what's inside of it is wisdom.
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: What's inside of it is emotions that carry insights and knowledge and that want to be released.
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: The only burden about the emotions is they haven't yet been felt right.
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: So my first coach said this to me.
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: I always say is to my clients these days, the only way through is through 100%.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: So, talking about the mother wound, it's funny because, as you're saying, some of that, I'm like yep, yep, yep, but without judgment.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: But one thing I started to notice over the years was my issues with money.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: Now do I think that they've come from both parents?
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: Yes, but a lot of times, even speaking with Denise, who I know is not here, when we were at um, well, we spent a weekend together doing a bunch of stuff and the conversation kept coming up of like where do all these money issues come from?
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: And whenever I would bring something up, go back to my mother.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: So talk to us about the mother wound and money well, I'll start there.
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: So, when it comes to any any form of conditioning right childhood trauma, conditioned self um, internalized thoughts, limiting beliefs, the mother wound right we always want to look at.
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: First of all, you have to allow yourself to become aware of the fact that a thought may not necessarily be fact, it might be fiction, right.
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: And then you want to look at well, how do I know that?
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: Where does that thought come from?
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: And there are different ways to ask the question.
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: I always like to ask this very broad question oh, how do I know this?
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: How how did I learn this?
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: And yeah, if, as women, we are in the midst of looking at our relationship to our moms and typically you know, from our mid twenties to our mid thirties, that that's I personally found to be like the prime ages Typically that answer does end up being oh yeah, like something that my mom did, taught me that that.
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: Or my mom always used to say that right.
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: Or that's just how my mom handled money right.
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: Or again, that's how my dad handled money.
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: Or that's how my guardian handled money right, like, oh yeah, like I learned that in childhood and that's what we turn to right, we come into this life and we're helpless, right, the human being.
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: As babies, we're helpless.
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: We require help, right?
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: So very quickly we learn adaptive behavior in order to keep ourselves safe.
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: Oh, if I smile, I get milk.
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: Oh, if I don't cry, then this.
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: Oh, if I hide this emotion, then that right.
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: And as we grow older and older, all of this turns into something that started very innocently oh if I don't cry right.
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: But suddenly, as we grow older, that turns into oh, if I don't make more money than my mom ever did in her life, she'll always love me.
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's money in the mother wound so this one's a loaded question.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: How do you begin to chip away at that?
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: Because I guarantee there are listeners going oh my gosh, I have so many money issues and I can't attract more money or I hit a cap on money.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: Whether you're an entrepreneur or whatever it might be, how do you start to chip away at that?
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: So, if it's okay, I want to tell just a brief story because I feel like I haven't talked much about personal relationship with my mom and listeners might be like who is she to talk about?
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: So, specifically to money, I have a hundred stories to tell about me and my mom, and my mom and I have a really good relationship these days.
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: But two years ago that certainly wasn't the case.
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: Five years ago most certainly not Right.
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: And in the beginning of my business I've always had really big goals Like ever since I was a child.
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: I've always had really big goals.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: Like ever since I was a child I've always had really big visions, right.
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: And I remember as a child some of these visions would be minimized, ridiculed, diminished by the adults, not even just my mom, right, but just by the adults.
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: Like be realistic, and you know all from a place of oh, we just want to keep you safe, yeah, yeah, right.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: But that's yet another conditioning, right.
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: Like, oh, like, growing big is unsafe Boom, another conditioning, right.
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: So with our moms I just mentioned earlier, one of the beliefs that we want to look at when we heal the mother wound is are you afraid to rock the boat to change the dynamic in your relationship to your mom if you were to become more successful, more wealthy or differently successful in a way that your mom never did, never could, never had the opportunity to right?
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: So in the beginning of my business I like six months in, I had thankfully been able to generate quite a bit of money quite early on in my business and that allowed me to just reinvest into the business and do a bunch of things.
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: And I was hyper.
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh, if I can make like x amount of money within six months, I make fill in the six figure amount within the next year.
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: And I proudly shared that with my mom and the response I got was oh, don't get too greedy now.
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I can relate to that one.
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: And I didn't make a lot of money the next few months of my business, I'll tell you that.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, right, so you know you look at that.
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: And that's the first question I would ask you.
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: Well, are you afraid, does it feel unsafe to become differently successful than your mom?
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: Has your mom ever displayed a sense of creating distance between the both of you when you had a big success that she may never have never had access to?
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: Did you ever feel guilty when you did something for yourself that may have that you may have perceived to have affected your mom's happiness?
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, that time when I stayed away in Japan for Christmas.
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: So what we have to look at is well, where is the source of your innate, unconditional lovability?
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: Does your mom hold that remote control?
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: And then what I like to do is I call it positive projection.
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: Right, we project judgments onto others, right, we, we think of our, or we judge ourselves as ugly, and suddenly the whole world is ugly.
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: Oh, they're ugly.
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: They're ugly, right.
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: And it's easier to project a negative judgment onto someone else than to own it for ourselves.
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: Well, we can flip that and we can look at.
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: Actually, I feel so much love whenever I pet my dog.
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: There's just unconditional love.
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: There's no hate I have towards my dog, like I just really love him.
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: Is it possible for you to redirect that love towards yourself?
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: Another way of looking at this is if you were your own mother, what needs would you be sure to meet right now, and can you carve out some time to go ahead and meet those needs?
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: Because what has to happen is you have to sort of give ourselves the memo, unlearn that we need someone else, not just our mom, but that we need someone else to fulfill our needs.
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: And we have to unlearn that we could possibly do something to become worthy of someone else's love.
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: We're all made of love.
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: We all are love.
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: We're created by love.
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: We're made of love.
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: We're all made of the same love.
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: How could you ever not be lovable if you're made of love?
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: But that's the authentic self.
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: Speaking Over time, that authentic self gets covered up by our conditioned self, right?
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: And that's that's full of beliefs, that's that's full of judgments, that's full of internalized beliefs about the world, right?
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: So so these three things I think I shared three things right.
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: Look at, oh.
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: How do you?
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: How do you know that to be true?
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: Who told you that, right?
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: And if it's someone who's not you, chances are that's not your actual belief about the world.
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: Chances are, there's an opportunity for more loving thought.
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: And then follow it up with the next question Well, who would you be without that thought?
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: See if you can find a loving object, place or being animal or human I always think of, like little adams peak in sri lanka.
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: I hiked up there once a few years ago and I had this beautiful meditation for me, that's my unconditional loving place, right?
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: So if I'm feeling a little self-hatredy like little adams peak, little adams peak, right so.
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: So find that that of love, that place of love or that being of love, and see if you cannot redirect some of that love back towards yourself.
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: And let's see if I can remember the third point that I made.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: Even if you can't.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: Honestly, that was a wonderful way, because it just changes so much Like it's not just about money and I want people to see that.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: Yes, I brought that one up for myself, but we do.
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: We have these beliefs that we have adopted that are not ours, and we look at ourselves with judgment when we shouldn't be.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: And, like you said, we are unconditional love, we are worthy just because we exist, but somewhere along the way we lose all that.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: We develop these limiting beliefs and so much.
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the third point.
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: I just remembered thanks to you jumping in.
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: Looking at, if I was my own mother, what are the needs I would be sure to meet?
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: And can I not carve out some time to go ahead and meet those needs, to sort of retrain yourself that you, in fact, are the source of the love that you need.
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: You, in fact, are the source of the care that you need?
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: Why?
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: Because you're an adult, now, right, and yeah, this applies to a lot of things, including money.
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: Why?
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: Because the way in which we relate to one thing is how we relate to everything, 100%.
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: If you have a fear of being abandoned by your mom, inevitably that shows up in your client relationships, that shows up in your annual reviews with your boss.
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: That shows up in your romantic relationships, that shows up in your money.
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: Maybe because you have a fear of being abandoned, you don't invest because once it's out of sight, maybe the money will just abandon you.
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: So you just put it under your pillow.
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: You see how it all connects, right.
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's why Denise and I are so passionate about this podcast because we want people to see that healing isn't just one thing.
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: It's not podcast, because we want people to see that healing isn't just one thing, it's not okay.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: So you're feeling this way, so go take this.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: Well, have you looked at and I don't love the word mother wounds, but have you looked at that?
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: Have you looked at the father wounds?
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: Have you looked at your relationship with yourself?
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: I love how you said and I'm going to butcher how you said it but if you were your own mother, what would you, what would you need or how would you be?
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: Because I think that that is so important to look at ourselves.
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: What do I need in this moment, what do I need today, what do I need this week?
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: And we don't do that.
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: It seems egotistical to step back and say, well, what do I need in this moment and can I honor that?
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: Especially for women, because we've been taught that to put our own needs first, that makes us selfish, and we're supposed to be the caregivers.
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: Well, guess what?
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: You can't pour from an empty cup, right?
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: So that's a dead argument.
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, go ahead.
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I just.
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: This has been such a beautiful conversation, um, is there anything else you feel like our listeners need to hear?
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: And I I always put people on the spot like that and sometimes there's not, but something there's.
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: You know, sometimes there's something I did musical theater for 11 years.
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: I love the spotlight all day long.
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: Well, you know to to sort of wrap a nice bow tie or whatever around this conversation and probably butcher the the phrase no, um, you know what I just said?
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: The how we relate to anything is how we relate to everything, and typically the journey of healing is one of coming home to yourself.
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: The journey of healing is one of recognizing that everything you need the medicine you need, the fix you need is inside yourself, right.
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: So it may be really easy, when you feel a body ache, to go and grab some ibuprofen Hell, like I want to do it once a month, right.
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: But maybe a meditation can be just as healing, maybe literally tuning into the pain and going okay, you're back.
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: It's been a month.
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: What are you here to tell me?
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: Right, like healing, is a journey of getting to know yourself right, and you'll notice, if you were to listen back to the podcast episode, if you wanted to do it a second time.
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: Right, you'll notice.
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: I ask all of these questions from a place of well, how can you get yourself, how can you get to know yourself better?
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: Right, the medicine is in the wound.
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: Do you have the courage?
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: Healing takes courage.
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: Do you have the courage to maybe spend five minutes less on social media and five minutes more just examining your body, doing like an internal body scan, to get to know what your body feels like?
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: Maybe instead of defaulting to the oh yeah, mom, I'll be over on Thursday, like always.
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: Ask yourself if you want to do that.
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: Maybe put the phone down for five minutes and ask yourself, well, what would actually feel like a really loving act of kindness to give to yourself, to to yourself, on thursday evening maybe it is to go and have dinner with your mom, absolutely, and maybe it's not so.
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: Looking at healing as though it's a journey back to yourself has been really, really helpful for me, especially as I travel so much.
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: Right, it's like, oh yeah, I'll just find healing in bali when I talk to this guru.
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: Well, but I'm still in my suitcase, right like all of my baggage.
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: All Well, but I'm still in my suitcase, right Like all of my baggage.
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: All of my trauma is still right there inside my suitcase.
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: So I can be as far away from home as possible, given the modern day technology.
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: I'm still me.
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: The task of life, the task of and the excitement about having this human experience still is to get to know this human experience, to get to know yourself.
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: So that's my invitation Get to know yourself.
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: I got chills Like I just want to jump up and down if everyone could see me, because 100 percent that.
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: That is my belief, that is my, that is my truth now.
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: And yeah, there's so many things I just want to say about this.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: I'll just state one thing.
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: So there's someone I followed on social media for a long time and she would always end her stuff with your life is your medicine.
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: And I would go what the hell is she talking about?
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: And only in I don't know, the last year did I start to understand that that medicine is us, it's everything around us.
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: We are constantly looking externally for healing, physical healing.
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: Well, this one thing happened and it caused this.
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: Or I must be deficient in this, or you know, yes, deficiencies can exist, deficient in this, or, yes, deficiencies can exist.
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: But if we're really looking at what brings healing, it's not another thing or another person.
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: It is looking within.
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: Am I getting that time in nature?
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: Am I getting the sunlight?
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: Am I asking myself what I need?
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: Am I spending time with myself?
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: Am I digging into those wounds?
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: There's so much in you that brings the healing.
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: But you're right, people don't want to go through, they want to go around because it's too painful.
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but if you go around long enough, going around becomes more painful than going it does.
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: Eventually they get to that point, but sometimes it takes a really long time.
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: Or maybe another lifetime, you know.
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this was such a beautiful conversation.
• 38:18
  Speaker 3: Thank you I feel like we could have chatted all day, but I know we can't.
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: I'm really grateful to have been on and have this conversation with you.
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: I thank you so, so much for having me.
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I will put everything in the show notes, as I always do, but I always like to ask where can people find you if they're looking for you?
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Name is way of the founder Instagram and my websites, where you can find me.
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: I have a bunch of freebies on both of those platforms and if you do, if you come along on Instagram, just come and say hi.
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: Love it.
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: Well, thank you so much.
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: Thank you listeners you much.
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: Thank you listeners.
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: You guys know the drill.
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: We would love reviews, we would love feedback.
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: Come to our Instagram, tell us what you want to hear about and we will see you on the next episode.