Latest / The Living Loss | Navigating Invisible Grief & Identity / Shedding Past Versions of Yourself & Finding Home with Amy Kelly 2|09

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Shedding Past Versions of Yourself & Finding Home with Amy Kelly 2|09 · The Living Loss | Navigating Invisible Grief & Identity

• Amy: pushed you. I knew I was pushing myself to the extreme. And that nearly cost me my life. Daiana, LMHC: Welcome to the Living Loss Podcast. I'm Daiana Bernard. Cassandra, LMHC: And I'm Cassandra Harris Towner. Daiana, LMHC: As licensed mental health counselors, we're here to unpack the quiet, complex griefs that don't come with a funeral. Cassandra, LMHC: Because you can't heal what you don't acknowledge. Join us as we name these hidden losses and create a meaningful path forward together. Daiana, LMHC: All right, let's dive in. Cassandra, LMHC: we talk about quiet losses on the show, and today we're talking about the hidden grief of shedding past versions of ourselves, navigating life shifts outside of societal expectations, and the quiet losses of relationships that no longer align with our personal. Daiana, LMHC: Yeah. So we have with us here today Amy Kelly. She is a nervous system and identity coach who understands the profound grief and transformation of a living loss. In her late 20s, Amy walked away from a marriage and a conventional path in the UK that looked perfectly fine on paper, but she needed and wanted to find something truer. Navigating the loss of her old identity, she took a one-way flight to Central America with a single goal to find her way back to herself. A near-death experience in Costa Rica led her to completely rethink her identity, revealing why letting go of what the world expects from you, triggered a profound hidden grief. Today, she is an international speaker and the host of Dream Big with Amy podcast. she uses that profound personal reinvention as the heartbeat of her work. If you ever felt the pressure to perform or chase external metrics, please stay tuned. and just take a moment to subscribe. We're trying to make it to 500. Cassandra, LMHC: Yeah. Daiana, LMHC: It truly means a lot to us. Cassandra, LMHC: Welcome, Amy. Amy: Hello, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here. Cassandra, LMHC: We're so excited to have you. just because we're interested and kind of nosy, where are you joining us from today? Amy: Yeah, so I'm actually back in my hometown in in London. So yeah, back to the UK for a little stopgap in my journey. Daiana, LMHC: Mm-hmm. That is so interesting, Cassandra, LMHC: that must Daiana, LMHC: the the difference between the culture in Costa Rica and London and the United States, 'cause I know you've been here too. Amy: Yes. Yeah, very different. Yeah. I was actually speaking about this the other day. It's like I left on this journey and it's like it's funny how life just brings you exactly back to where you're meant to be. And Daiana, LMHC: Mm. Amy: it's just in this moment right now I'm like, I'm back. Like this is the first time in the three years that I've been back, like properly back here. Daiana, LMHC: Mm-hmm. Wow. Cassandra, LMHC: Wow. How long are you gonna be there for? Amy: The next couple of months, yeah, I'm just going to focus on some events that I've got going on and just having it as a base right now between this in Europe because I'm also spending time in Spain. So it feels good to be just Daiana, LMHC: Mm-hmm. Amy: here and close to family for a for a while. Daiana, LMHC: Mm-hmm. Yeah, so you're saying that this is full circle. So I would love for you to just start from the beginning. Amy: Yeah, it's it's insane. I was just thinking about it the other day. I was like, I'm all the way back again. Everywhere I left for this journey and then I've come all the way back. And I would say like three, maybe three and a half years now since I went through on that journey. But yeah, I I guess back right, right back, if you want to go on the journey of what that was, Daiana, LMHC: Mm-hmm. Amy: I I guess like most young women were set out on this journey of You know, I want to be the wife, I want to get that career, I want to follow the path. And there is a societal path that people do go on and I did follow it. I would say the conventional of let's go to college, let's go to university, and see where that life leads me. I it's interesting, at college I actually studied like a bit of travel and business management. So I was like always had that travel instinct, but no idea what travel really meant. And just like really exploring when traveling myself and then When I went to university, I went because everyone else in the family had gone to university. Did I know what I wanted? No, I was just doing what everyone else, my friends, and my family had done. So I thought, well, that's the natural step. So let's go. in a whilst at university, I also got married at a young age, so around twenty-one. in I guess in that society, it's it is kind of young, but at the same time it felt right. It was the night next step. So I was kind of set for life. Like I would, you know, that I then leaded into a career, you know, that we started we bought a house. I had the car, I had that lifestyle where I didn't have to really think too much beyond where we were. Like I knew that kind of was going to be my life. And I thought, like, well, that's the box that I'm now in. I'm Amy and that person's wife. And I just go to do that work and that's that. And I like, cool, this is it. Until, you know, a couple of years into that, things just weren't right in the relationship. and you know, I think we stay longer than we should, because it's easy, it's what we know, it's it's I didn't want to know the unfamiliar. So when everything came crashing down in that journey of like my the marriage and and the lifestyle and I just didn't want to leave it. I didn't know what was on the other side of that. You know, I wish I could talk to younger Amy now. Like I do sometimes think about that, but I didn't and I didn't have that direction. I just didn't know what to do. So, you know, going from this house, having your own lifestyle at age twenty seven to going back to your childhood bedroom again in your family house. Thankfully I have family to go back to, but still. There is something there where you think, how have I ended up back here? Like, what what have I done? What did I do so differently to my friends? Like, why did I have to go through that hard time? But that was just the start of the hard time, I'm gonna be honest. Daiana, LMHC: Yeah. Cassandra, LMHC: Mm. Amy: didn't know that at the time. I thought, look at me, I'm great. You know, the classic word as a as a high achieving woman or women in general is that I'm fine. I'm fine. And I wasn't fine. I was anything but fine. And Yeah, so that led me on a on a journey of I just remember going for a walk with my dad and you know the career I'd and then I left the job too. So like everything all at once, not just one thing, everything. and he said, Amy, well, this is your time now. What are you going to do with it? And I was like, My time. He's like, go and do something that you really want to do. Like, go and leave if that's what it is. Like you wanted to travel, go and travel. So within a week, I'd booked my one way flight to actually Mexico City and yeah, I haven't really looked back since that one way flight. It was a pivotal moment in my in my life and set out on a journey to you say to find myself. And I genuinely think that's what it was. And I didn't know that that was the journey. I just didn't know who Amy was, which at the same time I think is really sad. And I think something that so many younger women in the generation have like just trying to find out what they want and who they are beneath the roles, the identity, the peace of who are you below that. Unfortunately I had to go through a near death experience and lots of turmoil beyond that to find me. till I decided to start listening. but it's always there, you know, you've always got to listen to that intuition. So yeah, I guess now, like you mentioned in the the opening bio, what I'm doing today, it sounds like, look, she's got the speaking and the coaching and that lifestyle Daiana, LMHC: Mm-hmm. Amy: but I don't think people realise the the depths of what I've had to do to get to that point. And it and it sounds great and it it is great. And I have created a life for myself. But there is so much behind that that I don't think people really take into consideration. It's like w what that really took and the work and the the impact that you have to create within yourself first. And and don't be put off by other people's journeys, right? Don't compare to mine, to yours, to wherever you're at in yours. Just know that if you have a feeling that there is something else out there for you, then please do not ignore it. Like I had this quick like just before I went on that flight, I had a moment where I was like, I meant for more. That's all Daiana, LMHC: Mm. Amy: I could hear. Right. And I couldn't shake it. I had no idea what that meant for more was, but I guess I'm kind of living that journey right now. Daiana, LMHC: Yeah. When you said, like, you know, I'm Amy and I'm his wife, kind of, Amy didn't have a basis of her own. And when your dad said about traveling, it's like, well, that was one thing that Amy does like. And Amy: Yes. Daiana, LMHC: that was like, okay, this is a beginning of doing that. So when we talk about living losses, in that you lost the the marriage, this the status. the the dream Cassandra, LMHC: The security. Daiana, LMHC: of I've done everything and to succeed. And now I'm at this point where it just all it's all gone. how were the people around you like did did people change? I I'm could imagine that it was hard to tell people I'm getting into a divorce or you felt like a failure or it changed the dynamic with it within your family or friends. Amy: Yeah, absolutely. And like the last one to that is like the stability, the stability of a home, a house, a Daiana, LMHC: Mm. Amy: a lifestyle. I've still not really got that now. Like I am very fully digital nomad. It's great, but you know, I do look around and think, why did I have to go through such a hard season? Yes, I chose it, but I also think I ran away, you know, and I've never admitted Daiana, LMHC: Yeah. Amy: that out loud. Maybe this is the first time. but just like running away from from that identity, like I say. And we weren't actually divorced when I went travelling. I was actually just, you know, fully separated. so it was kind of easier in a way because I didn't have to face anybody, right? And I know my family Daiana, LMHC: Yeah. Amy: found it really hard because they knew that I wasn't going to return for the they I said I'll be back in a couple of months. I didn't. I didn't return home for a year and a half after that. And I think they found it particularly difficult because they wanted to help me heal, but I didn't allow them in. they didn't know how to deal with me or the situation. I think everybody, the whole impact of the family was very much you know, split up in a way. It was like, okay, well, now what do we do? And how do we handle this? Because everyone was kind of mourning. We were like as a close family, right? Everybody, everybody is still impacted just because we had decided that. and it was it was hard for everybody to kind of navigate. And not only that, it's like, how is Amy going to handle it? What is she gonna do? Where is her life headed, right? Because you had every everything, you know, you were kind of set to go from that to nothing. It was like, wait, I've got to rebuild. And it it's fun at first because you're on the journey of finding self, right? And then it comes to a realization like this isn't fun anymore. Like I don't know if that was what what actually happened back then? Did what was Daiana, LMHC: Mm. Amy: that journey all about? And it takes a lot to leave something behind. I'm it was one of the harder seasons. yeah. And I think because somebody else's life stayed the same, I was the one whose life completely changed and did a full 360. And You know, I am living proof of that. Like it worked. Like it was a you know, I I I became this version of myself. But would I want to go back to them depths of where I was at and ha that rock bottom? I I hope never again and I hope with the work that I do I get to help other women not to get to that that level Daiana, LMHC: Mm-hmm. Amy: as well. Daiana, LMHC: Right. Because it wasn't like, okay, I'm going on this journey. I'm leaving everything behind. And then I'm going to be doing all this personal work. I know that you had shared that you really went into partying and just having a a fun time, more distraction, like more avoiding. Amy: Yeah, it's true. I I know someone asked me that the other day and I was thinking about it. It's like, yeah, I did do that. How did you handle the the the divorce? I was like, well, I went here and I did that. And yes, don't get me wrong, it was great. You know, I had an opportunity to travel and and really explore and have fun and dance and drink. And but there was parts where I was going beyond, right? I was taking it a bit too far every time. and because I had nobody around me to tell me any different, so you can imagine, you're like, I'm young, free and single, let's go. But yeah, there's compli there there's definitely consequences to that. And then when the emotions really hit and I think the near-death experience really was like sh a bit of a shocking moment. and I thought I was healed. I I'm healed, I'm great, everything's fine, and I just wasn't. and I wasn't okay. I wasn't okay with everything, I wasn't I wasn't okay with my life. And I I hid it very well to everybody else and everyone else thought, Amy's thriving, look at her, she's She's in Costa Rica. Look at her now. And then it's like, yeah, nobody knew really what was going on behind the scenes. I was very good at posting on social media and making it out. I wasn't in coaching back then. I didn't I didn't do any type of content. That was just my my personal. and certainly, like you mentioned, personal development. What do you I was there's no way I would have known what personal development is. I certainly didn't know what dysregulation was. I certainly didn't know anything about the nervous system. I could have saved myself so much time, energy, and money if I'd actually had a bit of help Daiana, LMHC: Mm. Amy: at the beginning, but I didn't. I knew best, right? I knew everything. Daiana, LMHC: Yeah. And that turning point, as you said, was the near death experience that you had a severe health scare and that that helped you confront, I guess it forced you to slow down to acknowledge the physical burnout, the stress, the realization Amy: Mm. Daiana, LMHC: of what you were doing on social media. It was for you, but it was also it's still trying to get whatever mate metrics it is, or but if all felt misaligned. Amy: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Daiana, LMHC: So tell us about what happened with the accident. Amy: Yeah, so like I was just pushing through. Like I was in like I say, I was trying to make a move to Costa Rica more. Well, I was already out there. So I was like, I want to live here, that's it. and nothing wrong with that. Well, very dysregulated buying a car that I probably shouldn't have bought, trying to get help from somebody who clearly wasn't helping me. and yeah, just rushing the decision, rushing the choices, spending the money. yeah, because I'd pushed it to that point, like for example, the money didn't go through and then That was delayed. And then that happened. And I was just like, can't like, you know, the brick wall. I kept pushing the brick wall. But instead of listening to why that wall was stopping me, I felt like, you know, my my guardian angel was trying to protect me and I just wanted to break it. Break it, break it. And it was five things that were happening that just didn't work. And then finally it worked. Took the car off on my own. Again, another hurdle hit and I decided to not listen. Basically ended up in the jungle with the clutch on the car had broke, but I was going up like a steep ravine and there was a river at the bottom. And the clutch just kind of went, the brakes didn't work, the handbrake didn't work. So I was like, as we were roll I sorry, I was on my own, rolling back down the hill in a quite a fast pace. I was like, Well, what can I do? I can't jump out. you don't really think in that moment. And, you know, I just smashed into the dam, thankfully not into the water. But I was just sat there with a broken car that well certainly didn't work, me too. And just knowing nobody on the other side of the world and not speaking Spanish at the time. And I was like, Well, now what do you do? What to do you do? What would anybody do in that situation? Right? Just sat there in the jungle and just had a moment. I was like, you've got yourself here. Look how far you've Daiana, LMHC: Mm. Amy: pushed you. I knew I was pushing myself to the extreme. And that nearly cost me my life. So Daiana, LMHC: Mm. Amy: I don't take that lightly. I know that there's a a lot of fear, a lot of dysregulation, a lot of uncertainty. And I wish that someone could just grab me and said, Amy, just focus on like yourself right now. We don't need to be buying cars. We don't need to figure out the full life plan right now. You don't need to be married to this next person. And I thought I did. I thought I needed all that again. Like I needed all of that. And Daiana, LMHC: Mm. Amy: then yeah, just push in every direction and and then then the next relationship after that. You know, I pushed and pushed and pushed and didn't listen to the warning signs early on as well in that. Cassandra, LMHC: Do you think if someone had stepped in and been like, hey, here's a mirror, like we're being a little bit perhaps destructive here, is there any Amy: Mm. Cassandra, LMHC: chance that that would have resonated with you at that point in time? Because it sounds like from the Amy that you started off as to the Amy that you were in that moment, to the Amy that you are today, the massive amount of shift that has happened in those different stages of your life have allowed you to become more teachable almost as you've Amy: Yes. Cassandra, LMHC: learning to share. Amy: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I think maybe I would have, but again, I I don't know. Like my i i I because I was a kind of alone out there, you're kind of just figuring it out. I d I wasn't at home in a conventional, normal household and just figuring out like, slow it down. This was like a year and a half later, still pushing, still figuring it out. Now I am somebody who is determined. I do, you know, I do work hard. I I do want like a a different, like a better life. I did want that, but it was also up against some fear and and pushing through and that mentality of I've got this, look at me. And it and the ego took over, it's like, look at look at how she can achieve everything on her own. And at that point it was it was a really pivotal moment because I was like, I can't keep doing this. And I I'm something's going to happen. Like I knew something was going to happen if I had to carry on like this. And yeah, it's it took me a while to really realise and take a step back. And I think a lot of growing up to do and also I think the drinking just went a little bit too far one time and I was like, this has gotta where are we gonna stop here? and I still have a really good look around. And I don't know, I someone asked me like what was the turning point? And I I Daiana, LMHC: Mm-hmm. Amy: don't know exactly. I think being in a healing place, I think Costa Rica's quite healing, like started to like look at yoga a little bit. Then I went to the US, started to be around more personal development, and I think really started to like, you know, dip you. foot in of like reading the books and then doing a little bit of podcast is and started listening. I was like, okay, maybe I can learn a little bit more here. And I think it just started very slowly about learning. Daiana, LMHC: Mm-hmm. It was little decisions that were quite the opposite of how you were functioning before. There's this Amy: Yeah. Daiana, LMHC: saying, like wherever you go, there you are. So it's like changing Amy: Mm. Daiana, LMHC: environment. Like you said, it could be healing, and you are still the one that needs to listen or accept or make the changes. Amy: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it always comes down to you. Like you said, would someone have stepped in and helped me? Yeah, I probably I might have listened, but actually the work comes down to you and seeing that for yourself. And I do think you will be told and repeated the same lesson until you learn of like what is actually happening here and taking a step back. And I just didn't allow myself to to fully heal. And I don't think, you know, until I started working with my last coach, which was like more somatic healing personally for me, not like for for what I teach, but I realized how much grief I was carrying from the weight of the divorce and the pain and the suffer, like just everything I'd held in. Like I wouldn't cry around anyone because I was like, this is embarrassing. and all of that holding it in, it wasn't it's just not good. And nobody teaches you like you're allowed to let it out, let it go. Like allow yourself to to heal from that part of the journey and don't feel like you have to be the strong one. Like the last couple of years I felt like I've had to be the one holding everything together for me. Like I need to hold it, right? And I'm on this journey and trying to, you know, just let go a little bit, allow whatever wants to come through and trust in the plan. And I think as a woman who, you know, as I teach this, it's like you always want to have every plan laid out. Like I want the five year plan. And I'm very good at like, okay, pull it away. Let's see what happens. Who knows what's gonna happen next? And I think the freedom of just creating that within yourself. And yeah, I think the last thing I want to touch on there is coming home. I always wanted to find a home. Where is home? Where is Costa Rica? Where is what about the US? Well what what about London? Well what about Spa was like, wait, home is you, Amy. Like doesn't matter really where you live right now. Like this is not the most important. And I'm just trying to find that. Cassandra, LMHC: I keep thinking about what you said earlier about I'm fine, I'm fine, everything's fine. I have a I have a very good friend that tells me quite frequently that fine is not a feeling. So Amy: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Cassandra, LMHC: it just it reminds me of the different stages and how you're talking about how women process identity loss and identity change and and the grief and the things that that come up for us along the way. So if you're transitioning from like coaching or into coaching and looking for the future version of yourself. How are you managing all the changes without being fine and building the resilience that you need to keep moving forward? Amy: Yeah, I think admitting that you're not fine, right? I think that's the start is like the awareness piece. I think that's what I teach anyone right at the beginning is I wish someone had told me is the awareness. Like be aware of your emotions. Like I didn't know that it was okay not to be okay. to feel everything that I'm feeling. Even on days like, you know, and still now I'm like, Okay, where does where is this coming from? right, you're a bit overwhelmed. Can you see what's happening? You've not eaten, you've not slept properly yet. Come back to yourself. Like, let's take a step back. Now I'm a little bit more of a parent to myself back then I wasn't. And I think, you know, something about building and being resilient. I mean, that is obviously by taking action, right? You've got to take the steps, move forward, keep showing up for yourself. But align steps, like from a grounded place, knowing that you're in your power and creating it from a very at a from the nervous system point of view, creating safety first, leading with that. I was creating it from fear. Like you've got to make this work. This is this has to be the next step. Everybody's looking at you, Amy. You've got to You've got to have this together. And yeah, until I was like, you know, I'm not holding this all together anymore. And really actually analysing my own life. I'm like, well, I'm this is who I am. This is who I've become. And really tapping into myself. What is that identity that I really want to lead with? Who is that version of you that you've been hiding all of these years? Who wants to be seen? Right. And it can be scary. I'm not going to I'm not going to sit here and say, that's this is nice and easy work. It's not because you're meeting parts of yourself you've not met yet. And there will be continuous parts in this journey where I've not met the full version of Amy. And that's that's the most exciting part. But I think for anyone on the journey of their becoming her or becoming that stronger version of you, because I don't want to talk about, you know, reinventing because she's already there. It this Amy was already in me. She was just very scared, very fearful. And that's why I do a bit of inner child work, not like depth, but a little bit. Just see what does she need. Because I know she wanted to be loved and appreciated and supported and and I had to do that for it, but only when I could do it for myself, right? And then you can start helping other people. You've got to make sure that you are the number one in your life before you even think about helping anybody else. Right. and that comes down to relationships, friendships, business relationships. because like I say, I went way I went from that divorce into another relationship that At the time I just wanted that next step without actually, you know, looking around thinking, Yeah, was that the right person for me? Like should I have just waited a little bit? You know, and one thing that I, you know, learnt now is is that separation of K, right, let's let's take some time here and actually assess what's happening. Cassandra, LMHC: The ability to step Daiana, LMHC: Yeah, it's that Cassandra, LMHC: back and reflect is is astronomically educational in a lot of different Amy: Mm. Cassandra, LMHC: ways. and the way that you've rebuilt who you are or added to who you are, you kept saying, Who am I, who am I, who am I? What have you come up with for the answer for? Amy: Good question. Nobody's ever asked me that. And I think that I'm allowed to be happy. I'm allowed to create a life that I desire, whatever that and that can change day by day, week by week, whatever I'm becoming. And knowing that I am exactly who I'm meant to be. Like I am more than enough right now. I don't need more levels. I don't need more coaching. I don't need more money. I don't need any of that. What I need is I am more than enough today. And taking that all parts of me, i.e., the happy Amy, the sad Amy, the Amy who is a bit anxious, you know, anxious about the future, that is me as an entirety. And being an acceptance with who you really are, even the parts that you don't particularly like of yourself, because we all have a shadow self. We all have a part that for mine, like I'm always happy to share. Like mine like this overachiever, as you can see, the pattern that I'd created in my life. She's always wanting to do the next thing without actually just stopping and saying, okay, where are we? Who are you today? Like you are everything you need to be, right? And we can always strive for more. You can always be looking for that next step. I don't, you know, we always have to grow, but don't do it in a way that's fearful or like I'm doing it for that other person, or what about like the career? What about who you are? Right? You are who you who you are meant to be. And I think when you can come to looking in the mirror at the the version of you who's looking back and being okay with who she is and not wanting to change everything about her. Daiana, LMHC: Mm. So everything before then was all external. Amy: Mm. Daiana, LMHC: Like checking off those boxes, it was external. And when you were looking Amy: Absolutely. Daiana, LMHC: for yourself, you were still looking external. But then the change happened when you were looking in inside and and within you you saw that you had to accept yourself and believe that you were enough. And then now your identity is like I'm a person who has flaws. I'm a you know, I am a person who accepts where I am and who I am today. Amy: Hmm. Yeah, absolutely. And I think I think you're right there. I was trying to tick the boxes from the outside, twenty the 20 age, 20 to 30s, just like, okay, I've got the nice house, tick, car, cool, marriage done. I am set. And then yeah, when that came crashing down, I think, especially when I went traveling, I, you know, I met a lot of young women and creating these lives and I realized I did have a different start to that, to wherever they were. And I'd lived both sides of that life of having marriage, house, car set. I've also lived a very freedom-based lifestyle, you know, trying to build a business, making money, living in different countries, almost like a traveler lifestyle, like backpack kind of let's go. And I'd lived both sides of it. And I realized that I was living out of a suitcase and that's all I had. and I've never felt more free. You know, I was more open with that than the version who was sat there, like, like she looks like she's got a whole life together and and yeah, maybe not being ch Daiana, LMHC: Mm-hmm. Amy: the truest version of me. And I still think It's a work in progress. You still got to keep coming back to your truth because there's gonna be things in your way that's gonna pull you back, pull you away from who you are, people, places, opportunities, jobs. You've got to keep being in alignment. And I I work on this every day as like, okay, how can we keep coming back to to myself and what feels good, right? Like podcasting feels good, helping people feels good. I know what makes me feel good. You've got to find what makes you feel good. in many different ways and that's by trying different things. Daiana, LMHC: Mm-hmm. Absolutely. Well, you have shared your story, your heart and and your pain, and how you've come to the other side. And within that, you've told us a lot of different parts that is so helpful to everyone listening. And We also do this segment called the Living Loss Lessons. this is our favorite part of the show because this is where we look at those actionable steps that we can take. Cassandra, LMHC: It's almost like a tangible tool or a mindset shift because we're not trying to fix the grief, but we're trying to find the strength to carry it. And I know that you've shared a lot of different mindset shifts with us, but what is one lesson or maybe even two that you'd like our listeners to leave with today? Amy: Yeah, I think the first lesson I would definitely recommend anybody to have a look at their nervous system. If they don't know what that is, take a take a moment. It will just it you can find it online. What what is nervous system? This is where we're living in fight, flight, freeze, or form, which I was living in for for many for years really of this just being in survival mode. how do we notice we're in survival mode? Oftentimes we're fearful, we live in anxiety, we're very tired, overwhelmed. You know, that this the the the tiredness that sleep doesn't fix. And it it can show up in many ways for for many different people. And I think just be aware that maybe you are dysregulated, that you're in this survival mode. and how do we get out of it? That would be my step two, and be like, okay, let's actually look at where we are. I don't need to have my whole life figured out tomorrow. I don't need to know what the next step is. I just need to make sure that I feel safe. How can we make safety in the body? Very, very simple. You come back to breathing, taking a moment every day, doing a little bit of meditation, calming the body down. Nobody can do this for you. You have to focus it on yourself. And you know, this can be very simple. I don't want to overwhelm anybody. Don't need you don't need a 10 step routine. You don't need a morning mantra. What I really would like you to do, if there's anything you can take from this, is learning to slow down in the body. So if you have a mind that wanders like mine, you know, likes to make stories up and goes off on one and says we're not gonna have this ahead of us, bring it back. You do your breathing practices in and out, nice and slow, do a small meditation. And if you can, you know, every person I I speak to who have made some big changes in their life, you I I also have a podcast and what I ask everybody is what is a practice that you use? And everybody says journaling. So I would spend some time as I do still to this day every morning. Writing down how you're feeling, writing down what's good in your life, what's coming up, how like working with your emotions and actually seeing them on pen to paper and it's just your book. You don't have to share it with anyone, you know, keep it to yourself and enjoy, enjoy the journaling, enjoy coming back to yourself. Daiana, LMHC: Thank you so much, Amy. Thank you for sharing your story and the lessons you've learned along the way. And thank you to our listeners for spending this time with us. Please be sure to hit subscribe so you never miss a new episode. And if this conversation reminded you of someone who needs to hear that their grief is valid, please share it with them. Cassandra, LMHC: And just as a quick reminder, this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. While we are therapists, we're not your therapists. And this does not replace professional mental health care. So if you feel like you'd like to speak to someone, please reach out to a professional near you. Daiana, LMHC: Thank you, Amy, for being with us today. All of her information are in the show notes. And see you next time on The Living Loss. Cassandra, LMHC: Thank you.