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I Lost All Motivation · The b.reathe Blueprint Podcast

• Katie: Welcome to the b.reathe Conversations. This series explores how people operate as responsibility, ambition and pressure grow over time. These are not burnout stories and they're not about fixing anything. They're calm, honest conversations about awareness, capacity and what helps performance last. And today I am joined by Ailey. Thank you so much for being here. How are you? Ailie Suzuki: I'm great. Thank you for having me. Katie: Good. Well why don't we start with a little bit about who you are and what you do? Ailie Suzuki: So my name is Ailey Suzuki. You'll ⁓ note the accent. ⁓ I I don't know what it is anymore. I think most people still pick it as Australian. So I was actually born in Japan, but I grew up in Australia, and I ⁓ spent the last 12 or so years in New Zealand, where I actually really found a real home and so became a Kiwi citizen as well. ⁓ done a big pivot. I originally started off as a zoologist and a conservationist and an environment. ⁓ did a whole bunch of different jobs here and there and everywhere. And now we basically ⁓ burnt the boats and yeah, decided to jump into property, which is a bit of a long story, but ⁓ we saw an opportunity. ⁓ I think the main reasoning behind it was we could see the impact that we were having in the the areas that we were passionate about. But finances were always a struggle, and so if we were able to be more financially secure, we'd be able to put more and have bigger impact in the areas that we're really passionate about, if that kind of makes sense. So we literally ⁓ sold off everything and jumped on a few planes and came over to the UK and ⁓ are now diving into property entrepreneurship. ⁓ so I've started up our own business and ⁓ taking it from there. Katie: Amazing. I mean you guys have been on quite a journey and you have quite a lot of experience in a few different areas. I'm gonna kind of dive in with some questions straight away with the travelling aspect. So you've gone from well, you've travelled quite a bit. You've gone from your home in New Zealand to setting up a new home in the UK with children as well. And I know that we've spoken previously and you've spoken quite openly online and stuff about arriving quite burnt out. Ailie Suzuki: Right. Yeah. Katie: So what did that look like for you and what was the catalyst that made you realise that you couldn't actually carry that load anymore? Ailie Suzuki: So my last job was actually running a local or sort of regional environmental nonprofit. We were quite small our team, which meant that we would literally do everything. So people would actually be quite shocked at how small our team actually was on the ground, mostly part-time mums that ⁓ yeah, working part-time where we could, ⁓ but in an area that we were really passionate about. And we were very good at ⁓ making the money and our resources, however limited they were, really, really ⁓ go as f as far as they possibly can. So we're working in quite a large number of areas. ⁓ the progress was amazing, but that juggle of ⁓ and I guess because it's something you're really passionate about and a lot of people are giving up their free time to do it, even though I was getting paid, quite often we would end up going above and beyond and and longer hours and just to get Projects off the ground or to get the community engagement that we needed and so on and so forth. So when we decided to ship to New Zealand, as much as I was gutted to have to walk away from the role, I'm actually still involved in the charity. I'm actually currently the chair, even from all the way over here in the UK. So I'm really excited to still be included in at least from the governance perspective. So thank goodness for technology. ⁓ but it was actually a bit of a relief in some ways ⁓ to have a bit of an end point. I could go really hard, give it my everything, but then ⁓ we knew we were were shifting to the other side of the planet, so start something something new and exciting. So there was a bit of an end point. And my accountant had in us in New Zealand actually said to me, Because ⁓ I am a British citizen as well, but because of the the taxation implications, he basically turned around and said, Look, if you'd If you don't work for at least six months while you chan like your residency transitions from being a New Zealand resident to a British one, ⁓ you're not going to be taxed to high heaven. So maybe it's not a bad thing if you take it. And I like, great, even my tax accountant is telling me to take a break. It's a sign. So it was really lovely. Like I ⁓ I don't think I really I think the excitement of ⁓ relocating the excitement of something new was was amazing. But once that initial excitement subsided, we all got really, really sick. And I think part of that was I think the adrenaline ran out, we were finally settled in a home, everything just went, ⁓ you can we can relax now, you're allowed to get sick. Plus, I think we had zero immune system to anything that was going around in the UK that my little one was bringing home from school. So We all got really, really sick and I think that was a big part of that that burnout process. ⁓ but what actually ended up happening afterwards as well was not only was I physically and mentally just drained and then I gave my per myself permission to relax a little bit and just rest, all of a sudden I think once I kind of had the rest I needed and the recovery, because I'd I'd gotten into sort of certain habits which weren't that great, whether it was for health or were for for just fitness or just in general. And I lost all motivation and I was kind of feeling like I was in a bit of a rut. So I kind of went from this intense ⁓ lifestyle, go, go, go, go, go, to, ⁓ thank goodness I'm having a bit of a break. But also the intensity of the relocating to the other side of the world, settling in, ⁓ and and sort of settling, settling roots. And then on the other side of that. ⁓ than going through a real dip in in everything motivation and and health and and fitness and all the above. So it wasn't a great place to be when we were first here. We were happy, but yeah, I didn't realise how much of a rut I'd gotten myself into until I actually went to PE. And it was a bit of a boot up the bottom that I needed to get that motivation and that excitement of something new and getting involved in something and learning and Yeah, and that's when the fitness journey started and it's kind of all snowballed from there. Katie: Yeah, amazing. And I guess like being around the right people really helped with that. I guess like 'cause you weren't just like changing jobs or moving house, like you moved place, which is a a big deal. Like everything that you knew was somewhere else. You were in a completely new location, new people, even if you know people in the UK, it's not it's not where you've been. So I can imagine that was really tough. Ailie Suzuki: Yeah, I I think ⁓ I'm one of those people that bounces around a lot. So somewhere new for me is more exciting. So when when Tristan actually broached ⁓ the the idea of relocating, I had been the most sedentary I'd ever been in the because I'd had a child and then COVID happened and then basically there was about six or seven years where I hadn't really travelled, hadn't really gone anywhere. And so for me, it was like, ⁓ yeah, let's do it. Like I jumped straight in because of the idea of being somewhere new. And and ⁓ even though we'd really created this amazing community and amazing home in New Zealand, and we all have every intention of going back ⁓ at some stage or another. ⁓ I think it for me it was the excitement of going somewhere new. But you're absolutely right. I think even just packing up, selling everything off, that was an ordeal, lining everything up and then We were relying on some ⁓ finance coming through so that ⁓ we could relocate. And so we literally had we got sick of sort of the whole process taking so long. So but right, we're just gonna get in there, get it sorted, go on. We got on the plane to Australia. We we had no onward ticket. ⁓ my mother met a salve and was like, How long are you guys staying for? I was like, not sure, because it looked like it was all gonna fall over right at the 11th hour just due to some admin errors and So ⁓ yeah, that was stressful. ⁓ and then obviously coming to a completely new place and you don't know anyone and you're trying to and your little one trying to get them settled into school and then obviously trying to set up a new business and yeah, so there's the the balance of excitement, but at the same time it was a lot too, and I don't think we realized just how much that was. I think a lot for some people that whole prospect sounds terrifying and horrendous. For us it was like, yay, new adventure. ⁓ so there was a really good side of it as well, but definitely I think a lot more stresses than what we were expecting, ⁓ especially with the added bonus of of ⁓ is the refinance gonna go through or not. Katie: Yeah, and obviously you've gone from a very active, quite outdoorsy role and on it all the time to quite a different role in in property entrepreneurship. So how has that shift in identity affected you as well? Because you've not just changed locations, you've not just like packed up and moved and like carried on with the job you were doing, although you're still involved heavily, you were doing something completely different now. And it sounds like something that you haven't really explored before until you moved over. How has that affected everything? Ailie Suzuki: So I think Tristan, my partner and I, like we have very like we've worked together before. When we first met, we were actually working together and and essentially running a small business for for the business owner, especially while he was away overseas. And ⁓ we know that we work really well together so that we've got the sort of complementing skill set. So when we first came over, I th I guess I was like, ⁓ I'm on holiday, I'm having I'm taking a break, I'm burnt out. But also I think on the flip side, it was, I know what my skills are. You just tell me, you know, yeah, this is your property journey. I'm just here for long for the ride to support you in any way I can. When I started getting involved and I realized, ⁓ actually, this is I I was I've got no interest in property. I got taken to an event. ⁓ I was very skeptical. I didn't know, I was like, well, I'm not sure about this. And then three days later I'm like drinking the Kool-Aid and like I'm in, I'm in a hundred percent. ⁓ so I think it made me realize that this was actually more interesting to me than I thought it was going to be. And I really saw a lot of parallels. I think my previous role, even though it was very different, ⁓ I would I had the autonomy to be able to do it my way. And because of that, I think it had a lot of parallels with entrepreneurship and with running a business and creating systems and and all the rest of it. So there was a lot of parallels, and ⁓ I think. The more I've dived into sort of like that more entrepreneurial kind of like setting up the business. And even though it's in property, which is so entirely new to me, at least, you know, going back a year and a half ago now, and stepping into something very foreign, there were so many parallels. And I think it really highlighted actually, I was born to be an entrepreneur. I've really found ⁓ just the way that they operate. And I can see how a lot of the things I'm learning and a lot of the the systems and that that apply to this. Role can also apply to a lot of the organisations I've worked in before. And so if we ever were to go back, like I can see how that, or even at the governance level, I can see how a lot of these same principles and strategies can apply to a successful nonprofit ⁓ operating and standing on its own two feet and not being so reliant on external funding, that's not always there. So there's there's those kind of stresses as well that could potentially be alleviated. Katie: Yeah, I love that. And I think knowing you for the last year and a half, like I think you are quite a natural leader, you're a natural entrepreneur and it is it seems just like right for you. Like you just get this buzz of energy every time I see you and you are you're very like you're just a great person to be around because you just have this natural aura that people like. Ailie Suzuki: Yeah. I I think it's just like the excitement and the motivation, especially when you're there in person. ⁓ and amongst I think the biggest thing for me with the community as well is I feed off it because everyone else has a similar way their brain operates as well. And I think we all do get like I I'm one of those people that definitely jumps in and gets way too excited over ⁓ this new idea and this new idea and this shit. So that's the dynamo side of me coming out. ⁓ but ⁓ and the blaze obviously comes out a lot with with ⁓ with yeah, ⁓ wanting to interact with people and and just the the caliber of people that we're meeting has been so amazing and just so inspiring but also so uplifting and I've been really enjoying that. Like people like yourself that just wholeheartedly believe in us and are so supportive and the guidance and everything like that community has just been phenomenal and I've really enjoyed being a part of it. So yeah, that's definitely where that all that comes from. But thank you for saying so. Katie: You're welcome. I mean it there is like a a a certain type of person that it suits. And like you meet people all the time that you kind of know like you're gonna you're gonna go far and you and Tristan are definitely definitely a couple that are gonna do well. And just from the passion as well, like you have a really strong reason for doing it. But we've also witnessed some like quite physical transformations with yourself. We talk in the brief framework quite significantly about how the body pays the price for the stress we carry and actually it can be one of the first things that go. And I know that you went through quite a big physical transformation recently. ⁓ tell us more about that and how you took control of it. Ailie Suzuki: So I think in at the same time that I kind of got the kick up the bo backside to to get remotivated and excited about something new and really dive into to our ⁓ entrepreneurial sort of business journey. I realized that I'd been going for the odd run or doing this and that and and enjoying the new surrounds. Like you know, like I love ⁓ like we're in along the North Wales coastlines where people come for holidays. So there's plenty of place. And I love rubbing it in people's faces back home in Australia and New Zealand when I was like, I'm just going for my run and I'm just casually running past this, you know, however many hundreds of year old castle in the background. Like that just doesn't happen where I'm from. So I even had a a friend ⁓ message me the other day and and he like I think I just did a quick reel on social media up because I was buzzing for my run. And ⁓ he's just like, That's a real castle, you're a princess. And so he got really excited. So ⁓ Yeah, essentially, it kind of made me realize that ⁓ like I I saw some photographs from that same event too that really gave me that that fire ⁓ to to get, you know, motivated again and to get really excited about something new. And I was taken aback at just how much weight that I'd gained as well. And I think too ⁓ like the last tight little the last role that I had that I was feeling quite burnt out. it became more and more sedentary. I think that the more I move up in roles, the more sedentary they become and and essentially, you know, you start behind the computer and and you don't move. And I hadn't realized just how much I'd started to gain weight. Like we eat really healthy, but the physical side just wasn't there. And I and I didn't realise just how how cruddy that was making me feel as well. So I just started really small with just basic habits, things like ⁓ just in like the obvious one was increasing the steps, but I was always terrible at ⁓ drinking enough water. That was huge. And something else that I'd I'd always underestimated was to sleep. I'm a normally a night owl. ⁓ and then but I was still paying for it because I still have to get up in the morning and you know get the child off to school or get up in the morning and get get started on things. And so I've had to switch that quite a bit and go to bed earlier. But normally my brain is buzzing. But the more physical I became, The more tired I was by the end of the day. And then I slept so much better and falling asleep and switching off my brain was so much and just putting together those little habits. And on my own, I started to lose weight and start feeling better and all the rest of it. But then ⁓ through doing the property entrepreneur course, ⁓ I came across a cache and the RT fitness program. And I wasn't really gonna dive in because I was already starting to lose the weight. But he convinced me, he's like, no, no, let's do this. And that coaching and the accountability that it provided, it made me go really hard. And I think the one thing that it's really resonated with me as well coming out the other end of actually reaching. So in in from in about a year, I lost about 20 kilograms. I'm sorry, everyone that doesn't use metric. I d I don't know what that is in stones. And I'm still trying to figure out what miles are compared to kilometres, even though I've been here for a year and a half. ⁓ but Katie: Wow. Ailie Suzuki: Yeah, essentially it's about twenty kilos that I lost. And but it wasn't about not so much losing the weight, it was about the way that, you know, I had more energy. I feel amazing. My fitness age has now dropped to about twenty. I'm almost forty five, so I'm really stoked about that one. ⁓ I can go for like I I would struggle to like some people were far walking faster than I could run before, as now I'm like, you know, clocking better times and not being out of breath. Like it's all of that compounding stuff and all those little habits that I've built over the time as well. Like, you know, even like you know, I'm doing a phone call, I'll be on the walking pad, I'll be doing a workshop, I'll be on the walking pad. And it's I don't even think about it anymore. And so hitting those targets that were really difficult before, I've got the habits now and overall I'm just feeling so much better for it. I've got more motivation, more zest. I get up in the morning and I'm ready to just get in there and just feeling amazing ⁓ as a result. Katie: I love that. And it's like you said, it really does start with the small habits. And I think that's where a lot of people do tend to get it wrong is they try to go big and go like all out straight away. But actually, like you starting with the steps, the water, the sleep. All of that makes everything else easier because it's a simple thing that's easier to do and you can compound it off there, like you said. And obviously the like you said, the weight isn't the thing that you were Ailie Suzuki: Mm. Yeah. Katie: necessarily working towards but having that weight off kind of represents the the the loss of energy that you experience when you do gain weight and the the loss of energy when you're not having the right nutrients and the right fuel and and all of that stuff. So you also get the benefit of obviously physically feeling good. So yeah you've done you've done incredible and watching that from when I first met you to now like you just look incredible and you just you genuinely seem even more energetic than you were thinking that was possible. Ailie Suzuki: Yeah, I know, right? That's like energizer bunny. Katie: But it is and like you said, the accountability, massive help. Like you didn't necessarily need to go to R and T. You've actually like you were losing weight fine, but having that accountability and having that structure and putting the money down, you're gonna do it. You know you're gonna do it. Ailie Suzuki: And I think too, it just ⁓ highlighted so I definitely would never have pushed myself this hard without without it. But the other parts were so I'm I'm getting to that age where you know perimenopause is a very real thing. I've got a lot of friends who are struggling with certain aspects of I've been quite lucky so far and it hasn't affected me too bad, but I am starting to see signs. So the loss of muscle mass, for example, that's inevitably coming when you hit a certain age and and and drops in certain levels of hormones. that was really a weighing on the back of my mind. And I've never I've lost weight before and I've done fitness and that, but I've never really, really hardcore worked on my strength like I have, not since I was a teenager and doing gymnastics. So ⁓ yeah, so the fact that I'm actually seeing the results of that too has been really satisfying. Cause it was just one of those things that I was just going through the emotions. Yeah, I'll do it because I'm supposed to do it. And then I was like, ⁓ no, I'm actually I'm strong and I'm and yeah, and and ⁓ you know, I've got the energy. And the compliments as well. Like, ⁓ I think when I posted my my checkpoint photos, ⁓ I think one of my friends, my favorite one was just he just went, Abs. They were like, abs. I was like, Yes, I haven't seen them since I was a teen. I'm so excited. ⁓ and then another one of our mentors like was running around calling me guns, and I'm like, Yeah. So we've got an arm wrestle next time. So ⁓ yeah, it that that part's been really satisfying. And I never would have worked on that, and just having the right balance of Katie: Mm-hmm. Ailie Suzuki: protein, for example, like that I really would have struggled with on my own. ⁓ so I probably would have been losing muscle, losing weight on my own as opposed to having that that guidance, I guess, in the bits that really mattered and that that I was very grateful for. Katie: Yeah, strength training is so, so important for women. ⁓ I mean it's important for everyone, but women that are getting to the kind of like perimenopause, menopause age, that does it massively affects the the symptoms, your muscle loss, your strength. And it's so rewarding when you go to the gym. Like it can be a bit of a slog for the first couple of months when you're getting used to it. But when you start lifting heavier and you start noticing the toning, the definition. You start realizing that like you're moving easier and like picking up a box that maybe would have hurt a few months ago feels easy and natural now. It it's so rewarding and it also like it's naturally building up like your dopamine, your endorphins, all of those happy hormones as well. Like this society is designed to drain us of those and things like strength training naturally boosts them. in the best way possible. So you're getting all of that benefit as well. It's just you can't really go wrong with strength training and looking after your health. ⁓ so you you've nailed it on that side. But there's also something I wanna mention about you and Tristan as well is you guys are very much around ethical entrepreneurship, legacy, and making sure that everything you do is beneficial to something that's like deep value to you guys. And I know that your property business is very much a part of that. So how do you balance the demanding nature of property investments? It's not always easy with your values of conservation, sustainability and all of that stuff. Ailie Suzuki: No. So I think for our our side, we didn't want to lose sight of the reason why we were doing this. Obviously, we're doing it for our son, we're doing it for our family, we're doing it for ourselves so that, you know, we we can provide sort of a more solid income for ourselves but and foundation and sort of like I guess that generational wealth as well. ⁓ but the other the reason why we we're doing what we're doing is and I touched on this earlier was that so that we had the ability of philanthropically being able to go back and having the capacity to give back and have a larger impact because we know what a small amount of money or even just guiding or or being able to be being in a a a more solid financial position to be able to to give back in that way is is really, really important to us. ⁓ but I guess when we first came over and we decided to do this, ⁓ we were excited because one, we've been slogging our butts ⁓ for other people for so long and in some cases that that always was great because we were working for the right people but it was also ⁓ you know quite often you know you're not appreciated in the way that you would if like we're working our butts off for someone else's benefit at the end of the day when we could be doing it for ourselves and we know we can do it for ourselves. So that was a big part of it. And what we also never wanted to lose sight of was our fundamental and core values and what we're really passionate about, which is nature, which is wildlife Which is the environment. I know Trish all he wants to do is go back to the Marlborough Sounds, be on a boat every day looking for dolphins. That that's essentially what he wants to do. But he but at the underneath that surface of I just want to be sitting looking at dolphins all day is his want to to protect them. And as a keystone species in the area, if we're protecting them, we're essentially helping to protect everything in that area. So that's something that's really close to our hearts. And so the way we've we've set up Otokai and and our businesses is we're e every step that every every decision that we make, we know it's not always easy. Some decisions will be easier than others. Sometimes it will cost a little bit more, but we're trying to ensure that our core values are never undermined, that if we're going to work with someone, if we're going to work with a company, that ⁓ and it's not just about environmental ethics, ⁓ where we are striving towards getting B Corp certification at the end of it all. And a big part of that is looking after your people as well, whether it's in your supply chains or whether it's in the people that work for you. So ensuring that it's, you know, living wage and and just it really basic steps, even like that. Like it's it's woven through everything that we do. And we know that that's probably gonna make it a little bit harder again and challenging at times, but we also feel like if we can set those foundations in our own business, we can actually show people how to do it in theirs and how it's not. too daunting and the benefits that come out the other end of it as well. It's not just about, ⁓ but I've got to spend more money to to look like I'm being green. It's it's not about that at all. It's about looking after your people. You look after your people, they're going look after you. You know, just fundamental ⁓ concepts like that just seem to get missed a lot. And that's something that's really, really dear to our hearts as well. Katie: Do you know what? I just the passion that you have for that and the fact that you're bringing those values and those concepts across everything that you build is so unique. And I think it's actually something that n not enough people have, possibly because they just don't have a passion like that. They haven't found that thing that they want to go for. But also I think that people can get so wrapped up in it and their ego takes over. And the fact that you guys Like, I don't know anyone that is building their business to go and watch dolphins and help protect. But it's so special. Like it's such a incredible thing to be doing rather than just doing it for obviously doing it for your kids and for your legacy is super important as well, but having that that external thing that will never necessarily re other than feelings, it will never reward you in doing that, but having that. Ailie Suzuki: Yeah. Katie: striving for it and the the reward of feeling good for it is just incredible. Ailie Suzuki: Thank you. And I think for us too, ⁓ the like we always try and work for people that that we and and or or stand by ⁓ organizations and you know ⁓ be involved in things that we really believe in. So ⁓ you know, like it's easier to sell a product if you believe in what they do rather than sort of just going through the motions like that kind of thing. So the fact that what we want to be able to do in our own business is do the same thing, but actually stand proud in and what we do and stand proud in what we stand for and just trying to do the right thing, which, you know, sometimes can I I I mean I'm not naive. I know it can backfire in our face a little bit or just make things a little bit more challenging. But we we just want to make sure that we don't lose sight of that no matter what we do. ⁓ because at the end of the day, if we end up, yeah, going down the wrong path, then we know that we won't be comfortable with that. So it's it's yeah, just staying with our passions and our ethics. And ⁓ and in terms of like passing that on to our little one as well, we wanna be proud of that. But I mean you'd never know that his parents were both zoologists in that he he he's he'll be all smart, Alec. He'll turn around and be like, So I was like, ⁓ look at that dolphin. He's like, No, that's a dusky dolphin. ⁓ so it's he can be a bit smarmy. But ⁓ But I think that I believe that passion for the wildlife and and nature is is being passed on. So we're happy with that too. Katie: Love that. What an amazing example you're setting, not only for for your kid, but for other people. For like for other people in business, like that actually even people that haven't quite got there, but they're looking for that that purpose and that passion. going on to having children, you were a stay-at-home mum for a little bit before returning to work, which is which is quite natural. And then you relocated across the world. So for Ailie Suzuki: Yeah. Katie: Mothers that are listening who maybe feel a bit consumed by guilt of trying to balance family, ambition, and also wanting to have that career as well, but still be a mum, how how did you find your footing again? What helped you with that and what support was out there for you to actually do that? Ailie Suzuki: I think the biggest piece of advice that I was terrible at following was you don't have to do it all yourself and you shouldn't have to do it all yourself. I know going back, you know, how many generations ago, like the way our civilization is and and society has changed really isolates you when when ⁓ you're a mum or when you're a parent. ⁓ you're at home, you've got a little one, ⁓ it can be really isolating, whereas, you know, going back how many hundreds of years, it was, it literally was a village that raised the child for you. You did it all together. And so I know that I've always lived away from my family, but we've always had an adoptive family wherever we've gone. ⁓ and ⁓ and having Tristan having a partner that is so I mean he actually we we swapped for a little bit. He was stay at home dad for a bit and we were really, really lucky we were had the ability to do that. one for me to actually go back to work, get some of that freedom back, but also just both of us to see what it was like for the other was that perspective was was really important. I think 'cause it's really easy to forget what it's like for the other person. And especially when the little ones are quite young. So that like tr Tristan's always been really, really supportive. ⁓ and it's always it's never been about, ⁓ this, you know, that's your job or this is my job. With it's always been very fifty fifty. And it's always been And I I'm I'm ever so grateful for that. ⁓ he's he's been so involved. It's not about like, ⁓ I'm babysitting my kids. No, you're a parent too, like, regardless of whether you're mom or dad, and regardless of who's at home, like if they're you know, they're your child too. So that was that was really huge. ⁓ but I remember a friend of mine was actually living with us for a bit and I was feeling sick, and I was like just running around, and she she actually said, Ailey, you are terrible at asking for help. I'm here. use yourself, ⁓ I don't want to be a bird and it's like, no, I'm here, use me, you know, like I'm I'm here to help you. So ⁓ yeah, I actually ask not being afraid to ask for help. And you touched on guilt as well. The mum guilt is real, especially if you're really busy and and I know sometimes you haven't got control over that. And in this day and age, you know there's so many of us that you can't afford to just have one parent go back to work. It you most of the time you need that double income to in just in order to survive. And in a lot of cases it still falls on mum, even though she might be working full time and dad's working full time. And then mum ends up having to sort of have shouldering everything else as well. So I think it's really important to to really share that mental load as well between partnerships. And if you're a single parent, you know, finding that community, finding that ⁓ support network. And leaning on other people as well, ⁓ and not feeling bad about that, not feeling guilty about that. Because the more you shoulder it on yourself, the more burden you're putting on yourself. And at the end of it, it's a horrendous cycle. You actually have less capacity ⁓ to do everything. So yeah, don't be afraid to reach out, build that community around you and ask for help. And there's there's nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with that. And I really, really sucked at that. So it's definitely something that ⁓ I've had to to learn. ⁓ that it's okay to ask for help. Katie: It's funny, isn't it? Is I always would be happy if someone asked me for help to provide that. But asking yourself the other way around, even though you know they're gonna be completely fine with it, it's like a mental block, isn't it? Like you said, you don't wanna be a burden, you don't want to add more load onto someone else, even though you know they're more than happy to actually help you out because it would go both ways. Ailie Suzuki: Yeah. ⁓ absolutely. And ⁓ you'd probably d drop everything in a heartbeat for them. But but I but or or no, if by the time I explain it to you, it's just easier for I d No, let them do a load of washing or let them vacuum the house be so you don't have to worry. Or let the house be dirty for a bit, you know, y you're gonna survive, you'll be fine. Like it's yeah, so so that's definitely something I had to learn the hard way. and yeah, if if you if you do go back to work, I mean like you ⁓ I think it's important to I guess ⁓ make that space, make that time. Sometimes you feel like you're just so overwhelmed that you forget the whole reason why you're going back to work. It's for your family, the whole reason why you're doing what you're doing. And to just even if it's tiny, just to make space to to, you know, spend time. and whether it's brain capacity or or otherwise, to because that at that at the end of the day, that's gonna be good for you as well. And not to feel guilty about it. Katie: 100%. And we're gonna round off with a couple of questions around what you would recommend for other people and some top tips and final sentiments. But before I do that, what is your personal strategy for recognizing when you need to put the load down and actually end the day or pull the cord a little bit and actually take a bit of a break? What is your strategy for that? And what are your signs and symptoms that you recognize to need to do that? Ailie Suzuki: think I when I find myself getting really irritable and sort of and and you always lash out at the people that are closest to you. So I think yeah I like obviously when you're at home and you just start getting really snappy or ⁓ and you're really distracted. I th I think what I'm learning now the importance of setting the boundaries but also to really plan that for for that as well. So for example ⁓ I never used to plan out my week and just sort of fly by the seat of my pants and ⁓ you know, things get thrown at you, you get a bit distracted. ⁓ no, now I've got to make time for this. Whereas I'm actively trying to prioritize, okay, what needs to be done this week, but also trying to also schedule work-wise just those little gaps in the week so that when things do go wrong or if something does pop up and suddenly become smaller, I've got the capacity to do that. So I've learnt the hard way, the importance of that, but also drawing the line and actually really, really gut being guarded about that mm the one the me time. Again, mums like don't be like you need you some you time. Like someone can watch your kids or wake up that little bit earlier and just have that half an hour where it's just you. Like I'm so like I I protect that and and my workouts and that that's that that's it for me as well. Or have that hobby. that you just go away and do and that's entirely your own. Like that, that's really sacred to me. But just have making making the time for it rather than it just being an extra, ⁓ yeah, I might do it this week. ⁓ no, I've run out of time. Make it like a staple, a non-negotiable. ⁓ and ⁓ yeah, and like I said, like when I start to find that I'm tr I'm getting stressed out because I'm trying to cram too much in as, okay, need to fix something. What what is it? That what is it that has to be let go, what is it that I have to build capacity for? Or sometimes something's gotta give. And it's just identifying that that needs to happen. Katie: Amazing. And if you had to give three top tips to someone who is maybe feeling a little bit burnt out, maybe they're they are at full capacity right now, maybe they do have that mum girl, what would be your top three starting points? Ailie Suzuki: Time for yourself, like yeah, definitely like creating it, like just make like really like even if it feels a bit forced, like even if it's 10 minutes, like having just 10 minutes alone and figuring out how to create that space as well. Like that that's a really, really big one. ⁓ probably, yeah, just finding that support network. You're not alone, even if it's if you feel like you're doing it completely on your own, like you might be a single mom. You might be juggling everything. You can only do so much. Sorry. ⁓ it's it's like trying to pour water really slowly. So even if ⁓ yeah, she might be a single mom, you might feel like you're completely on your own. But you you you've got to find your community. So ⁓ there's probably other single moms out there that are having the same issues. Like connect, find a way to connect with them, find a way to to to be each other's ⁓ Katie: That's all right. Ailie Suzuki: support network, like find a way to find other people to to lean on, even if like I I've always found that my family's always been really far away. So ⁓ I can see how handy it is to have, you know, grand granny around the corner or, you know, that can just pop around and watch them for like I it took me a year when I had Kai ⁓ to even go and get a haircut because I could not get an hour to myself away. And that first year, like when they're when they're first born, and that I mean that's that's challenging anyway. And it does get easier as the kids get older. But yeah, just never feel like you have to do it on your own. Find your community and find your people that are willing to rally around you and ask for help. That's that's a really big one. Don't be afraid to ask for help. And ⁓ I think the last one for me is sleep. Sleep was the game changer, but I am also a realist in that I went through it myself. I had three years of Kai. A child that just refused to sleep. Apparently, sleep was for the week. And I was lucky to get three hours at a time. And I can totally see why people have kids when they're 20-something because you have the energy to do that. ⁓ and I started very late. So yeah, my body did not cope very well, but I can see how it sleep deprivation is a torture device because yeah, that was horrendous. And it's easy for me to say now on the other end where I can control my sleep. But if you can find ways of of increasing your sleep or prioritizing it, even if you wait until you get out the other end of that, those cut like it doesn't last forever. Then and prioritizing your sleep being one of the first things. Like it just seems like something so silly or no, no, it's fine. And as a mum as well, ⁓ I would stay up way later than I should have and had less sleep because I was so like, but this is my me time, this is my time where I can just have. ten minutes to myself and then I'd end up yeah, and you'd end up scrolling on your phone and and and you know, doing something that's not very productive. But I was so guarded over that time I was sacrificing sleep when really I probably should have been just catching every wink that I could have. So yeah, get your sleep. It's a game changer. Katie: Yeah, and off the back of that as well, for anyone who is in that like early child stage, like just remember that it it will get better. Like, although you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, it does get better. And that that is a mentally challenging thing to try and look forward to. And also like try and nap at the same time as them. There's there's obviously lots of things that you can try and do. They don't always work, like you said, practically with a child, it's not always easy. ⁓ but trying to fit in those little extra naps every now and then, or if you can have someone that can have the child for an hour so that you can have a little little power nap, all of that stuff really does build up and help. And like you said, although the me time is really, really important when they're young, ⁓ it's also really important that you sleep, you'll feel a lot better for it. So all of these are the top tips there as well, you're related to being a mum. ⁓ but anyone that doesn't have kids, they're also really important. So Ailie Suzuki: Yeah. ⁓ absolutely. Katie: Me time when you don't have kids, still super important your sleep, number one thing I always say, like people that are struggling, fix your sleep first. That should be the first thing that you focus on. And how did you how did you work through that? What was your stages of fixing your sleep? Because that for everyone it's slightly different. Ailie Suzuki: Yeah, I think it went hand in hand with the fitness. So like I said, normally I think I'm I think naturally I am a night owl. If I let my natural rhythms come into play, I like I I stay up all night and and I'd and sleep in through the day. ⁓ whereas now ⁓ I actually enjoy the mornings a lot more. I g I used to be a hideous like ⁓ I was so horrible in the morning that one of my bosses back in my early twenties actually pulled aside some work experienced students. ⁓ and ⁓ gave them a safe as a part of their health and safety briefing was to avoid me before ten AM each morning. Cause apparently it was hazardous to their health, unless they had offerings of bee or coffee. So ⁓ so yeah, so that's how bad I used to be. ⁓ but I think the ⁓ sorry, I've lost my train of thought. ⁓ yeah, so I I used to really find ⁓ getting to sleep, like switching off my brain and getting to sleep was always really challenging. Even if it's like, I know I have to get up in the morning, I know and just switching that off was really, really difficult. So for me, I think ⁓ having a specific time where I'd switch off devices and read a book to allow my brain to just stop, like especially the screens. Like I I know everyone says it, but it's so incredibly true. Like that's what it does to our brains. Like ⁓ definitely yeah, like switching off the screens. definitely helped, but also being physically tired by the end of the day too. So by getting up and doing exercise and then being create movement all through the day. So you know, even if like you work like sitting working for an hour and a half, okay, I'm gonna just go get up and and walk for 10 minutes or ⁓ walking while I'm working ⁓ on the walking pad. You're just constantly moving, constantly being physical. And then by the end of the day I'm so shattered that I I fall asleep a lot faster by think switching off everything as well. And having that set kind of rhythm. I used to look forward to the weekends where I could just have a lie in and then I'd lie in real late, but that whole rhythm was all over the place. I definitely function better having going to bed at a similar time and waking up at a similar time and ⁓ occasionally catching up on a little bit more sleep if I needed, if it's been a rough week for one reason or another. ⁓ but that that I found ⁓ yeah, I never ever thought I would say that I, you know, getting up early on a Sunday morning was something I enjoyed. But again, it's that little bit more me time 'cause everyone else is still asleep. So and I don't have to have any exercises that I have to do over the weekend. So I'll go for a walk or I'll get up and I'll sit and catch up on some, you know, correspondence with friends back in down under and ⁓ and just have my coffee and have have some peace. Until the chaos rains and everyone wakes up. Katie: Yeah, but it's it means that you can actually start your morning calmer as well, which is also super important to having a good day, is having that calm morning if you wake up straight into the chaos, which is probably what you used to do when you have that routine. Ailie Suzuki: ⁓ absolutely. I would sleep right until I absolutely had to and it and when I was younger, I was literally roll out of bed, pick up the uniform off the floor, shove my hair under a cap. That this is why I used to work outdoors because I never had to put on makeup for it. Like I was sweaty, it was horrible. Shoved my head under a cap, didn't even have to brush it, and then go straight to work. And that was my day. Whereas ⁓ these days and and even even, you know, setting Kai off to school. Katie: Yeah. Ailie Suzuki: I would ⁓ it it'll be rushed and stressed and then everyone's getting antsy at each other and ⁓ you haven't done your reading yet. ⁓ we've got like five minutes. Like it's that it that panic, panic, panic. Whereas now because I'm getting up earlier, I get my me time, I'm calmer, I have more time, and so I've prepped everything and we ac can actually sit down and have some breakfast time together as well, and we'll have a chat or we'll do some spelling and and it's calm. And then there's the usual panic, you know, because he takes forever to get out the door. But it's not over the whole morning and it's not repeated each day. So it definitely makes a massive, massive difference. And it's mornings are a lot more pleasant. Katie: Amazing. Well, thank you so much for sharing your perspective so openly. If people do want to reach out and contact you and get to know more about your property business, about mum life, anything that you're doing, how can they reach out? Ailie Suzuki: ⁓ that's a good question. I do have an Instagram account which I have not used in a in donkeys, ⁓ but it's ⁓ it's it my handle's Animalia, which is spelt with A-Lee, A-I-L-A-E, in the middle of it. ⁓ and it's got a lot of ⁓ like I love wildlife photography ⁓ and landscape photography and new places like New Zealand were just rife for opportunities. So that that's if you scroll through, that's what you're gonna see. ⁓ you can find find me on Facebook. I think it's a private profile, but our business social media is ⁓ Autokai Living. I think it's Autokai dot living possibly, or but it's called Autokai Living. And I'm trying to boost that at the moment just so that people can see what it is that we do and ⁓ and people can always reach me there. Otherwise I think I'm the only Ali Suzuki on the planet. So ⁓ it's quite easy to find me on socials and it's quite easy to find me on LinkedIn as well. Katie: Perfect. Well, conversations like this exist to normalise experiences that many people go through quietly as life and responsibility grow. If anything in this episode landed, I'd love for you to do one of two things. Firstly, take the success hangover checking using the link in the show notes. It only takes a couple of minutes and it will show you exactly where your performance is costing you. Or you can grab a copy of my book, The Success Hangover, the Amazon UK number one bestseller, wherever you buy your books, or download a free ebook on the website. If you found this useful, leave a review, share it with someone who needs to hear it. That is how we grow this. That is how we prevent burnout. And I will see you all next week. Thank you so much, Ailey, for joining me. Ailie Suzuki: Thank you for having me.