Latest / Faithful Fitness With Coach Alex VanHouten / Your Family Isn’t Lazy—It’s Exhausted | Faithful Family, Part 3

Transcript

Your Family Isn’t Lazy—It’s Exhausted | Faithful Family, Part 3 · Faithful Fitness With Coach Alex VanHouten

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hey Faithful, welcome to the Faithful Fitness Podcast. In a moment,
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: my dad, Coach Alex Van Houten, will help you honor
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: God by making the most out of the body God's
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: given you. Today you can expect truth from the Bible,
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: tools from science, and guidance for everyday life. So listen
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: close and get ready. Let's get 1% better today.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: What's up Faithful? Coach Alex here. Grace and peace to you.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: I want to start today with a question that might
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: make some of us a little uncomfortable. What if the
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: biggest health problem in your family isn't laziness? What if
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: it's hurry? Think about the average week for a family. School, work, homework, sports, church, practices, appointments,
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: birthday parties, errands, phones, television, social media. Somebody needs to
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: be picked up. Somebody needs to be dropped off. There's
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: laundry in the washing machine that nobody remembered to put
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: in the dryer, and it's 8.45 at night, and suddenly,
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: somebody remembers there's a school project due tomorrow. And somewhere
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: in the middle of all this, we're supposed to exercise,
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: cook healthy food, read our Bible, be a good spouse,
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: be a good parent, get eight hours of sleep, and, presumably,
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: experience joy and good luck. But seriously, I think this
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: deserves our attention. Because sometimes we talk about unhealthy families
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: as though the problem is always that people aren't doing enough.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: Maybe we should exercise more, cook more, volunteer more, practice more,
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: work harder, study harder, do another activity. But there comes
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: a point where health isn't improved by adding something else. Sometimes,
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: health requires subtraction. Jesus said to let our yes be
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: yes and our no be no. And there are many
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: of us who need to learn the word no and
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: stick with it. And that's what we're going to talk
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: about today. This is part three of our Faithful Family series.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: In part one, we talked about creating an active family.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: In part two, we talked about creating a healthy relationship
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: with food. And today, we're talking about the other side
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: of fitness. Recovery. Sleep, stress, screens, margin, and the overall
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: pace of your household. Because if we're going to teach
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: our children how to work hard, we also have to
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: teach them how to recover well. Throughout this series, I've
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: asked you to think about what your children are learning
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: by watching you. In part one, what are they learning
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: about movement? And in part two, what are they learning
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: about food? Now let's ask, what are they learning about adulthood?
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: Does adulthood look peaceful? Purposeful? Challenging but manageable? Or does
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: adulthood look like being chronically late, chronically tired, chronically distracted,
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: and constantly saying, I'm so busy. I don't have time.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: I barely slept. I've got too much going on. I
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: just need to get through this week. And then the
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: next week comes and somehow we're still saying the exact
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: same thing. Kids hear that. They watch us. And eventually
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: they start developing a picture of adulthood that says, growing
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: up means being exhausted. Success means being busy. Important people
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: are always unavailable. Rest has to be earned. And if
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: you're not doing something productive, you're probably wasting time. I
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: don't think that's a healthy vision of adulthood. I definitely
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: don't think it's a Christian one. And before we get
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: started today, I need you to know, I'm not preaching
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: from some pedestal here. This is the most difficult part
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: of me raising my family well. As an exercise scientist,
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: one of the things I explain to people all the
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: time is that training and recovery are not enemies. They're partners.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: You stress the body in training, then the body has
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: to recover from that stress. That's part of how adaptation
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: actually happens. You don't just go into the gym, break
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: yourself down, and then somehow get healthier by repeatedly breaking
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: yourself down harder. There has to be recovery. There has
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: to be sleep. There has to be nutrition. There has
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: to be time between hard sessions. That's where all the
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: magic happens. Well, it's not magic, it's science, but you
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: know what I'm saying. And most people intuitively understand that
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: when we're talking about muscles. But we forget that the
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: rest of ourselves, the rest of the human being, works
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: that way too. Your brain needs recovery. Your emotions need recovery.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: Your attention needs recovery. Your kids need recovery. Your marriage
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: needs some space where nobody is performing well. Your family
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: needs moments where there isn't another thing that you're trying
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: to accomplish. And I think a child can become deeply
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: under-recovered without ever touching a barbell. They can simply have
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: a life where every minute is accounted for. School all day, homework, practice,
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: dinner in the car, another activity, screen until bedtime, get up, tired,
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: do it again. We look at that and say, wow,
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: they're involved in so much. Maybe. But we should also ask,
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: when do they recover from all of it? This is
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: where parenting gets difficult. Because a lot of things exhausting
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: our families aren't bad things. That's what makes this really hard.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: Soccer isn't bad. Baseball isn't bad. Dance isn't bad. Church
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: isn't bad. Youth group isn't bad. Tutoring isn't bad. Music
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: lessons aren't bad. Working hard isn't bad. And serving isn't either.
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: A whole bunch of good things can combine into a
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: life That's no longer particularly good. And parents, we are
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: the gatekeepers of that calendar for a while. That means
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: sometimes our job is not just figuring out what opportunities
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: we can provide for our kids. Sometimes our job is
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: deciding which opportunities to say no to. That is so
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: tough for so many reasons. Maybe because another family is
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: doing it. Their kid's on the travel team. Their kid
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: has private lessons. Their kid's doing camp. Their kid's taking
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: advanced classes. Suddenly parents start feeling like it's an arms race.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: If we don't provide every possible opportunity, aren't we failing them?
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: I don't think so. In fact, sometimes giving your child
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: fewer opportunities may actually allow them to enjoy the opportunities
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: they have. There's a difference between giving a child a
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: full life and feeling every minute of their life. I
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: told you I wasn't preaching from a pedestal here. In
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: our house, we're raising two very active, very rambunctious boys,
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: and my wife and I are extremely productive people. And
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: there are seasons where we'll look at the calendar and say, man,
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: we've had something every night this week. And on top
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: of that, the weekend can get so busy or hectic
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: that there's no rest for the weary on those days either.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: This is especially true if you're deeply involved with your church,
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: and your church has multiple services over the weekend. A
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: couple weeks ago, on a Friday evening, my boys asked
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: me what we were doing tomorrow. I said, guys, we're
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: doing nothing. And they were like, man, nothing? I said, yep,
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: we're doing nothing. There's nothing on the calendar and we're
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: all going to rest. Well, you would have thought how
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: they reacted. I kicked them both in the shins. They
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: were like, oh man, can't we go to somebody's house?
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: Or what about going camping or something? And both their
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: mom and I said, no, we're doing nothing. We can
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: jump on the trampoline. We can play some board games.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: We can watch a movie. We can take a nap.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: But I declare tomorrow a day of nothing. And so
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: they went to bed. And it might sound crazy, but
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: that's how rest has to sound in my house. To
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: make it clear to my children, but also to say
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: it out loud as a married couple, that while we
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: don't have anything on the calendar, we're also not going
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: to fill that with all the projects that we'd like
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: to be up to. Like redoing the laundry room, cleaning
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: the chicken coop, or knocking out a mountain of laundry.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: But if we work hard to hold that space, those
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: days always turn out to be extremely meaningful. And when
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: I look around, I think every parent has that moment
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: around here. Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: with an exhausted child is not to have a 20-minute
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: conversation about their attitude. Sometimes it's, hey guys, we're exhausted.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: Let's go brush our teeth. We'll deal with this tomorrow
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: during our nothing day. And this can also apply to
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: dads and moms, too. While we're talking about sleep, I
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: need you to hear me here. Sleep is not dead time.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: Your child isn't failing to be productive because they're unconscious,
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: and neither are you. Sleep is a part of development.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: Sleep is a part of recovery. It's part of learning.
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: It's part of emotional regulation. It's a part of physical health.
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: And yet in our culture, sleep deprivation can almost become
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: a status symbol. I only slept four hours last night.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: People say it like they deserve a trophy. If someone
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: told you, my child only gets about half the food
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: they need to eat most days, you'd be concerned. You
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: might even call DHS. But we can get strangely casual
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: about kids or even adults regularly getting inadequate sleep. Now
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: I want to be careful here because every household is different.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: Kids are different ages, schedules are different, some children sleep
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: more easily than others, and some families have medical or
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: developmental challenges that make sleep much more complicated. I'm not
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: giving you a magic bedtime. I'm saying this. Treat sleep
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: like something worth protecting. That's the principle. Because if bedtime
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: loses every negotiation, homework wins, sports wins, Netflix wins, video
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: games wins, phones wins, one more episode wins, one more
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: scroll wins, one more email wins, Eventually, sleep becomes whatever
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: time is left over. That's usually not much. That is
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: not a good habit for a household to get into.
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: So now comes the fun part, because it's really easy
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: to lecture kids about sleep. Put the phone down, go
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: to bed, you need your rest. Meanwhile, dad's answering emails
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: at 11.45. Mom's scrolling in bed. The television's on. Everybody's
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: staring at something. And you're wondering why your teenager doesn't
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: voluntarily place their phone on the kitchen counter at 8.30
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: and go journal quietly till they fall asleep. Come on, man.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: They learned that from somewhere. Again, this whole series keeps
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: coming back to modeling. Our children don't need us to
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: practice these things perfectly, but they do need to see
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: that we believe the rules of human physiology apply to
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: us too. We're showing them how to be adults, after all.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: If I tell my kids sleep matters, but consistently treat
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: my own sleep like an inconvenience, I'm communicating two different messages,
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: and they're going to pay attention to the one that
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: I live, not the one that I say. So, let's
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: talk about screens. I don't think technology is evil. I'm
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: talking to you through technology right now. Technology can educate us.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: It can connect us. It can entertain us. It can
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: help us work and help us create. It can help
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: us do incredible things. Let's also be adults about what
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: we're holding. Phones and games and streaming services and social
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: media are incredibly good at keeping our attention. You don't
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: have to hate technology to acknowledge that. You don't hand
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: children access to an essentially endless stream of novelty and
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: then act surprised when they're not very excited about staring
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: out the window. Of course they're not. The screen changes
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: the competition. And children are still developing the ability to
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: regulate attention, impulses, and time. So, parents have to provide
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: some boundaries. Not because screens are evil, but because kids
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: are kids. That's the job of a good parent. And
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: here's the piece of this that concerns me the most.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: It's not merely total screen time. It's that screens can
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: begin occupying every unfilled moment. We're sitting in a waiting room, phone.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: Driving somewhere, screen. Waiting for food, screen. Commercial break, phone.
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: Standing in line, phone again. Five minutes before we leave,
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: take out the phone. Adults do this all the time.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: But I'm not being judgmental here. I want you to
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: be intentional. Think with me about what disappears. when every
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: empty moment gets filled with stimulation. We miss observation. We
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: miss conversation. We miss prayer and thought. We miss creativity.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: Even boredom. Sometimes movement. When my boys were toddlers and
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: we were standing in line for something, I always got
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: some funny looks when I'd pick them up in the
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: air and shake them around and tickle them. But I'll
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: never forget when an older lady tapped me on the
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: shoulder and I thought she was going to give me
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: a hard time about putting my two-year-old too far over
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: my head. And she said, I'm so glad you didn't
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: give that boy a phone. I think it's much better
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: for him to play with his dad in line. Again,
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: no judgment here. But sometimes we don't even go outside
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: because we never become bored enough to think, you know what,
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: maybe I should go outside right now. And that brings
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: me to the most underappreciated experience in childhood.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: Boredom.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: Parents, your kid being bored is not a crisis. And
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: you don't have to fix it. Dad, I'm bored. Okay, congratulations.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: What are you going to do about it? Some of
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: the greatest childhood creativity starts right there. Because eventually boredom
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: has enough pressure behind it that the child thinks, hey,
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: maybe I should build something. Maybe I'll draw. Maybe I'll
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: go outside. Maybe I'll climb a tree. I'll go find
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: my brother and do something with him. Maybe I'll throw
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: a ball in the air. Maybe I'll open a book.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: Maybe I'll annoy my parents until they give me some chores,
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: and then I'll quickly discover to do something else and
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: bother them about it. Boredom creates a little bit of friction,
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: and friction can produce creativity. In my house, I'll ask
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: my boys, hey, do you need something to do? And
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: that's code for, I have a giant list of things
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: that we could be productive with, and you probably won't
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: like any of them. And for my boys, this is
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: less of an answer to boredom than it is a
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: warning about what they've decided to cure their boredom with,
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: often involving their mom's knickknacks and a football. But if
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: we remove that friction every single time, then kids don't
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: have to develop the ability to create their own stimulation. Again,
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying screens are bad. My family watches movies.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: We use technology. We particularly like playing Minecraft together. My
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: kids definitely live in 2026 and not 1926. But I
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: am saying that we should be careful not to make
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: entertainment the default response to the absence of a scheduled activity.
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: I'll say that one more time because it bears repeating.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: We really need to be careful not to make entertainment
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: the default response when there's an absence of a scheduled activity.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: And I think this goes even deeper. Quiet is its
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: own skill. Stillness is its own skill. Being alone with
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: your thoughts is a skill. Prayer actually requires that. Reflection
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: requires that. Even emotional regulation requires the ability to experience
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: something uncomfortable. without instantly reaching for stimulation. Do you remember
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: in the book of Mark, where Jesus arose early in
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: the morning to go to a quiet place to be
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: with his father? Could you imagine if it read, In
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: the early of the morning, Jesus awoke to grab his
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: cup of coffee and scroll Facebook for 30 minutes before
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: everybody else got up. I know that sounds silly, but
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: what do we miss out on when we make entertainment
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: the default to stillness? We adults really struggle with this too.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: How many times have you had five quiet minutes and
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: immediately pulled your phone out? You weren't looking for anything.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: Your hand just did it. I do it. And every
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: time I notice that I'm doing it, I'm reminded that
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: this technology is training me. I'm particularly rebellious and I
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: don't like anything to have control over me. So when
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: I notice, I disgustedly put it back in my pocket.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: And in those moments, I'll look around and I'll see people.
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: Sometimes God will stir my heart to pray over somebody.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: or engage them in conversation and lift up their day.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying that's always going to magically happen to you.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: I happen to be one of those extreme extroverts in
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: the world. But that means this question isn't only, what
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: limits should my children have? It's what kind of relationship
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: with technology am I modeling for them? Personally, I want
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: to teach my kids how to use technology well and
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: not to let it use them. Now I want to
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: switch gears here and talk about stress. Because like food
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: and exercise, I don't think we need to teach kids
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: that all stress is bad. Stress is part of growth.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: A hard test is stressful, but it's kind of an
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: important part of assessing your ability. Playing in a championship
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: game is stressful, but being able to compete under pressure
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: is part of what makes sports so powerful. Getting up
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: in front of people and speaking is stressful, but God's
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: gifted some amazing speakers in this generation. And if they
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: don't overcome the stress of public speaking, we'll never get
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: to hear what he's laid on their heart. Trying something
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: new can be stressful, but how are you going to
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: learn anything if you're not willing to fail? Working hard
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: can be stressful, and sometimes doing the right thing is stressful.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: We don't want to raise children who believe discomfort means
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: that something has gone wrong. That would be disastrous for
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: this generation. I want us to raise resilient children. kids.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: But resilience isn't built by exposing people to endless stress
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: without recovery. It's built through challenge followed by restful adaptation.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: That's the principle we see in training, right? Stress, recover, grow. Stress, recover, grow.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: The problem in families who are stressed out isn't that
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: their family is experiencing stress. The problem is that the
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: stress never turns off. when every week is an emergency week,
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: when every meal is rushed, when everybody's behind, when nobody sleeps,
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: when every conversation happens, when someone's multitasking. There's no rhythm
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: between effort and recovery. That's not resilience. Eventually, that's just exhaustion, which, ironically,
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: makes you way less resilient. And here's another mirror question
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: for us parents. When something goes wrong, what do your
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: children see? When work gets difficult? What do they see
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: from you? When you're late somewhere, what do they see?
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: When money gets tight, what do they see? When someone
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: interrupts you, how do you respond? And when the schedule
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: shifts and changes, what do they see then? They're learning
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: stress management from us long before anybody teaches them a
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: breathing exercise. Do they see dad explode? Do they see
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: mom silently carry everything until she collapses? Do they see
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: us numb ourselves with food, alcohol, screens, more work? What
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: if they saw us pray? What if they saw us
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: ask for help? What if they saw us go for
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: a walk, talk to each other? What if they saw
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: us say, man, I am so overwhelmed. I need to
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: slow down for a second and think about this. That
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: is a powerful thing for a child to witness. You
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: don't have to pretend that you're never stressed. In fact,
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: I think that would help them. Next time you're stressed,
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: show them how a healthy adult responds to stress. And
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: if nobody ever showed you, ask yourself the question, if
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: I could be any sort of adult I would like
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: to be, how would I handle stress best? Give it
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: a shot. For me, the desire to model a healthy
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: response to stress for my kids has done way more
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: to help me mature and grow as a person than
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: almost anything else. And what's kind of cool about that
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: is you become what you practice. After a while, if
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: you model a healthy response to stress, guess what? That'll
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: just be your knee-jerk reaction forever. And then everybody will
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: be better off. And here's where I think we're going
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: to need some humble pie. Sometimes our children's stress is
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: not something that's happening to the family. Sometimes it's something
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: that we've created. We're the ones who signed them up.
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: We're the ones who said yes. We're the ones who
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: paid the fee. We're the ones who kept adding things.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: We're the ones who decided that the family needed to
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: operate at this pace. And again, no judgment. But if
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: it's true, we can change it. You can say, you
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: know what? We've been doing too much. You can tell
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: your kids, Mom and Dad made this schedule. I don't
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: think it's working very well for us. That's not failure.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: That is leadership. Leadership isn't stubbornly maintaining a bad decision
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: because you're embarrassed to change it. Leadership is noticing what's
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: happening and then adjusting. Maybe something has to go. Maybe
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: not forever. Maybe just for this season. That would be okay. Now,
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: that said, I need to say this because I spend
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: so much of my life telling people to move their bodies.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: Rest is not laziness. They're not the same thing. Lazy
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: people can certainly use rest as an excuse. But hardworking
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: people can use discipline as an excuse to never stop.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: Both of those things can be unhealthy. Biblically, rest is
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: not treated as a character defect. God created the rhythms
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: of work and rest. Jesus himself withdrew from crowds, just
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: like I said earlier. He slept one time in a
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: boat while his disciples were freaking out. He invited exhausted
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: people to come to him and lay down their heavy burdens.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: Psalms 127 paints a picture of people anxiously rising early
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: and staying up late while reminding us that sleep itself
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: is a gift from God. That's fascinating to me. Because
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: our culture sometimes says the person who needs less rest
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: is the strong one. But scripture gives us a picture
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: where trusting God actually allows a person to stop. Think
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: about that. It reminds me of the story of Elijah.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: After winning the battle with the prophets of Baal on
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: Mount Carmel, he runs the equivalent of almost a marathon
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: and beats the king back to the city. And while
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: it's triumphant, it's extremely stressful. Shortly thereafter, he ends up
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: in the wilderness, laying under a bush, wanting to die.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: He prays the most pitiful prayer, Lord, take my life.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: I'm done. I'm no better than my ancestors. And the
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: Lord doesn't say to Elijah, hey, get up. I still
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: have stuff for you to do. Do some push-ups, drink
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: a monster, and get back after it. Instead, he sends
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: an angel to minister to him. And while he drips
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: off to a nap, he wakes up to some cake.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: He gets a loving rub on the shoulder, eats his snack,
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: and falls back asleep, and does it again. And then
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: when he wakes up, He's restored in full, which is
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: good because he has a big long trek ahead of him.
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: Scripture gives us a picture where trusting God actually allows
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: a person to stop. I want you to think about that.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: Sometimes my refusal to rest isn't discipline. Sometimes it's my
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: belief that everything in my life depends on me. And
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: if I stop, everything's going to fall apart. That's not stewardship.
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: That's called a Savior complex. If you're a Christ follower,
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: you already have a Savior. And it ain't you. So
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: let's talk about Sabbath. I'm not going to turn this
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: into an entire theology of Sabbath. But I do think
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: that Christian families should wrestle with this principle. For a
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: productive family, there needs to be a rhythm in your
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: life where productivity stops being the goal. Where we're reminded,
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: I'm more than what I produce. My child's more than
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: what they achieve. Our family's more than our schedule. The
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: world keeps spinning when we stop working. And God is
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: still God when we go to sleep. That's spiritually formative.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: A child who gets to grow up seeing adults work
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: hard and then deliberately stop, learn something profound. Work matters,
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: but work's not God. Sports matter, but sports aren't God either.
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: School matters, but grades aren't God. Fitness matters, but fitness
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: isn't God. Church matters, but church isn't God. Rest helps
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: us put all those good things back in their proper place.
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: Moments of prayer, Reflection, even worship. If you really think
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: about it, I'll come out of moments of rest. So
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: here's a sentence I want you to think about. Your
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: family calendar is a theological document. Not because there's a
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: Bible verse attached to every appointment, but because your calendar
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: reveals what gets your finite time. You can say that
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: family matters. You can say that church matters. You can
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: say that sleep matters. You can say your marriage matters.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: You can tell me your health matters, too. But let's
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: look at your calendar. What actually has space in the
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: 24 hours you get in your day? I don't want
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: you to feel guilty about that question. But I want
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: you to answer it honestly. Because values that never receive
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: time on your calendar are just slogans. And if your
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: family is chronically exhausted, the solution may not be finding
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: a better planner. It may be deciding that some things
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: don't get to own your family anymore. Ironically, just a
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: few years ago, for my family, it was actually the
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: pull of service in the church. It's extremely important and
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: powerful and impactful to make sure that you're the hands
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: and feet in your local church community. And if you've
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: never served long in your community, one of the things
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: you'll learn is that while your time and energy are finite,
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: the needs of your community change. are infinite. And so
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: when my wife and I took on rebuilding our children's
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: ministry program after COVID shut it down, we had no
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: idea how quickly the project would go from getting Sunday
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: morning services rolling smoothly to managing a team of 100
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: volunteers and getting Wednesday nights and daddy-daughter ball and VBS
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: and kid life camp and all the other things that
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: can go into ministering to children well. We had no
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: idea how much that would fill up our calendar. And
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: so one of the hardest But most necessary things we
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: did was to start identifying the things that we needed
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: to say no to. Our hearts were in the right place,
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: and the things we were up to were good, and
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: they were bearing good fruit. But there were some projects
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: that needed to be somebody else's job, and there were
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: some things that just didn't need to be a higher
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: priority than our family's rest. Fast forward a couple years,
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: the process of being able to communicate with my wife
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: about what's a priority in our household right now, and
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: whether or not we've committed too much time and energy
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: in our calendar to take on something new is a
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: game changer. We learn that when you only have 24
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: hours in a day, everything you say yes to is
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: a no to something else. But we also learn to
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: seek God's will and ask Him, Lord, is this the
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: best thing that I can be up to right now?
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: Or is there something else you want for me? So
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: here's the question I've been asking you throughout this entire series.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: If your children adopted your relationship with this area of health,
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: would you be happy for them? So today, if your
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: children copied your relationship with work, Would you be happy
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: for them? If they copied your sleep habits, your phone habits,
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: your response to stress, your ability to stop and rest,
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: your regular schedule, your level of productivity, would you be
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: happy for them? Would you say, yeah, that's what I
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: want for my son, or yep, that's exactly what I
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: want for my daughter? If so, praise God, keep modeling
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: it and don't stop. But if something in you says, actually,
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: I hope they don't live like this. Pay attention to that,
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: because just like we talked about food last week, sometimes
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: it's easier to see what we want for our children
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: than what we might want for ourselves. You want your
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: child to sleep? Maybe you need to go to bed.
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: You want your child to put the phone down? Maybe
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: yours needs to go down too. You want your child
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: to stop worrying about everything? Maybe they need to see
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: you surrender something. You want them to understand that they
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: don't have to earn love through achievement. I want you
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: to believe that too. Parenting has a funny way of
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: exposing us. And if we let it, it can also
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: be one of God's tools for growing us. So here's
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: your challenge this week. I want you to protect one
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: hour of family margin. One hour. No television. No phones.
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: No productivity. Nobody needs to accomplish anything. Maybe you can
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: take a walk together. Maybe you sit outside. Maybe the
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: kids play and you take a nap. Maybe you talk.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: Maybe you cook something. Maybe you throw a football. Maybe
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: somebody reads out loud and everybody listens. Maybe everybody's bored
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: for 15 minutes and then something interesting happens. That's okay.
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: Don't fill it. Protect it. And then pay attention. How
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: difficult was it? Did everybody instinctively reach for a device?
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: Did you feel guilty for not getting something done? Did
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: the kids eventually start playing? Did you join them? Did
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: conversation happen? Did the rest of the world keep spinning
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: without you? You're learning something about your family's current relationship
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: with rest. It's just an hour. I believe in you.
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: And if you're listening today and realizing, man, maybe the
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: problem in my house is that we don't need another
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: health goal. We're just exhausted. Then I want you to
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: start with an honest look at where you are. Not shame. Awareness.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: And that's why I created the Faithful Fitness Health and
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: Habits Dashboard. Because Faithful Fitness isn't this. How much can
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: you lift? How far can you run? Or How lean
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: are you? We need to examine the whole picture. Exercise, nutrition, recovery, habits, stress, motivation, faith.
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: It's all stewardship. Where are you strong? Where are you drifting?
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: What needs attention? And what actually needs to be your
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: next step? The Faithful Fitness health and habits dashboard helps
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: you see that bigger picture and identify where you may
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: need to grow. You can get started at faithfulfitness.co slash assessment.
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: And when you complete your dashboard, you can register for
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: our next live faithful fitness seminar. And that's going to
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: be special because Kristen's joining me too. And I'm really
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: looking forward to that because this entire series is about
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: questions that aren't solved by knowing more fitness information. They're
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: household questions. How do we actually make this work? What
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: do we do when mom and dad have different habits?
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: What about picky kids, busy schedule, sports, screen, stress, nutrition?
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: How do you pursue health without turning health to another
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: source of pressure for the family. That's what we're going
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: to talk about. Kristen brings her perspective as a registered dietitian,
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: a mom, a wife, and somebody actually living these things
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: alongside me. And I'll bring mine. And we don't always agree,
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: so it'll be fun to be a part of. You
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: bring your questions, and I'll bring mine. Go to faithfulfitness.co
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: slash assessment, complete your health and habits dashboard, and register
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: for the seminar. I can't wait to see you there.
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: Now let me leave you with this. We should teach
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: our children how to work hard. Absolutely. Teach them discipline.
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: Teach them to finish things. Teach them to show up
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: when they don't feel like it and when things are hard.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: Teach them to tolerate discomfort. Teach them that meaningful things
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: require effort while you're teaching them those things. Teach them
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: something else too. Teach them that sleep is good and
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: that quiet is good. That they don't have to be
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: entertained every second. Teach them that boredom won't kill them.
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: And that the phone doesn't deserve every empty moment. Teach
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: them that sometimes a good opportunity still deserves a no.
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: Teach them that their worth isn't measured by productivity. Teach
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: them how to be fully present with the people sitting
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: in front of them. Teach them how to work hard.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: And then teach them how to stop and rest. Because
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: we're not trying to raise children who are capable of
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: cramming the maximum number of activities into a week. We're
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: trying to raise healthy adults who understand what matters, who
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: know when to push, who know when to recover, who
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: can work without worshiping work, and who can rest without
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: feeling worthless. We want to raise adults who understand when
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: they finally lay their head down at night that God
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: is God, that He loves them, and that He has
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: good plans for them. Let me pray over your family.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: Father God, thank you so much for the person listening
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: to this right now. Our world can be so hectic
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: and busy sometimes, but I pray that we are a
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: people who carry the peace of Christ with us, that
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: we can do hard things, that we can prevail by
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: your strength, and that we are intentional about rest. Teach
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: us to quiet our hearts, to help our kids do
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: the same, and may you be praised in the prayers,
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: in the worship, in the fun that happens in the
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: space we protect in our schedule. We love you, Lord.
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: In Jesus' name, amen. Guys, this has been Coach Alex
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: Van Houten on the Faithful Fitness Podcast. Until next time,
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: train hard, but pray even harder.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: What's up, faithful? This episode helped you. Share it with
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: someone who needs to hear it. And don't forget to
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: subscribe and leave a review. So more people can find
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: Faithful Fitness. My dad's devotional, Faithful Fitness. is available now.
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: And you can join our faithful fitness community by clicking
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: the links in the show notes. We all have a
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: cross to carry, but it's lighter when we do it together.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: See you later, alligator. But until then, train hard and
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: pray even harder.