Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / Solo Female Travel, Self-Discovery & Living Outside Expectations with Tsvety Roo

Transcript

Solo Female Travel, Self-Discovery & Living Outside Expectations with Tsvety Roo · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

• 0:00
  I think just the important part is to to acknowledge that I was
• 0:05
  living someone else's life. I, I, we can start there.
• 0:11
  And I and I know that there's so many people out there who are
• 0:15
  finding themselves in the same way.
• 0:17
  And what it was doing was depleting my spirit.
• 0:20
  It was it. I just was down into my
• 0:24
  loneliness lump. You know, you can continue you
• 0:30
  to do your job that you went to college for and continue to do
• 0:33
  all of the check boxes and then go on the dates and try to find
• 0:36
  a partner. But all of that is just masking
• 0:40
  that you're just doing what society is telling you to do or
• 0:44
  you, you just kind of spreading it on top without really digging
• 0:50
  underneath. And, and so when, when I started
• 0:54
  there, I said I started, I feel like my life is passing me by.
• 0:57
  I feel like I, it's, why am I not fulfilled from, you know,
• 1:04
  getting this expensive car or why am I not fulfilled when I, I
• 1:09
  move into a bigger apartment? And it just so many of these
• 1:13
  things when you know, everybody else sort of has the, the
• 1:17
  answers for you. Sometimes it's like, oh, it's
• 1:19
  because you don't have a partner.
• 1:20
  Oh, it's because you know, your job is not the one for you.
• 1:24
  Oh, it's, it's always this other reason.
• 1:27
  But then I said, you know, maybe I maybe I have to take ownership
• 1:32
  and I have to take ownership of my choices, that they are mine
• 1:39
  and finally realized that this life is mine.
• 1:43
  Hello and welcome to The Field Podcast.
• 1:45
  I'm back here today with a friend I met earlier this year.
• 1:50
  If you follow our panels at all, you've met her on our panels.
• 1:54
  But today you get to meet her and learn her story from her
• 1:58
  directly as we unfolded through the talking points and how she
• 2:02
  got to where she is today in this really unique and special
• 2:07
  and much needed area that she has poured her passion into
• 2:13
  helping other women learn from her own experience, which is
• 2:16
  which is what we do as women. We learn things, we figure out
• 2:20
  something that works, We figure out where the resources are
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  needed, and then we become the resources.
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  And that's exactly what Spetti Rue has done.
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  She describes herself as someone with warmth.
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  She's brave, she's courageous, she's conversational, and she's
• 2:36
  open minded. And all that's going to become
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  very clear on where that was birthed from as we go through
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  this conversation. Thanks so much for joining me
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  today. Spetti, welcome to the podcast.
• 2:48
  Thank you so much, Melissa. So excited to be here.
• 2:51
  This is going to be amazing. I know, I know, I know.
• 2:54
  I'm so excited to have you. I've been excited to get you on
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  the podcast site for a while. And I just think what you have
• 3:00
  to share is so important for women to hear and know what's
• 3:04
  possible. So but getting started on that,
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  talk to me about your journey with self-care because it was
• 3:12
  kind how you got to this spot of 3-4 years ago.
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  Now is I think it really falls into that we underestimate what
• 3:23
  self-care actually means. And it's taking care of your
• 3:28
  whole self and in it's, you know, yes, we have our daily
• 3:34
  rituals of body movement and those kind and how we feel or
• 3:38
  eat our bodies, but it's deeper than that.
• 3:40
  And I feel like that really came to bear for you, you in your
• 3:44
  journey. So talk to me about that.
• 3:45
  It really did. Yeah.
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  So this all started with a realization that I had to make a
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  change, a big change. And I, I know.
• 3:55
  And we have those moments. And what that change ended up
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  becoming was I am now a solo traveler.
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  I've been traveling for the last three years.
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  I have been over to over 40 countries and lived in most of
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  these just incredible journey that started with being sort of
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  focusing on the on the self and taking that first step and
• 4:22
  giving myself permission to go after those dreams, the dreams
• 4:27
  that I've been stifling. So I'm really condensing the
• 4:30
  story. But actually, I'm, I'm going to
• 4:32
  start a little bit further. And, and that came about in San
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  Diego, CA and it took a long meditative walk.
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  It was 6 hours. Wow.
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  I think it was going to be 6 hours, but it ended up being.
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  So it's just because it was much needed to do that introspective.
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  It's sort of feeling deep inside.
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  And I, I started to ask myself some questions, which I really
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  recommend so many people do just be if they're feeling stuck and
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  if they're lonely and if they're disconnected from themselves,
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  from the world, they're just, you got to dig deep.
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  It's hard. It's really hard.
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  And I was 37 at the time. So it's never too late or too
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  early to have these honest conversations with yourself
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  because I was living a life that was quote, you know,
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  traditional, quote, quote UN quote, and following other
• 5:33
  people's expectations. And I know that we are going to
• 5:36
  dig into that as well. And I just asked myself, what
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  have I been stifling? What am I not giving myself
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  permission to go after because of fears and because of whatever
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  other excuses? And then I, you know, it just
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  came that I, I have always wanted to travel.
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  I didn't know if I could do it by myself.
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  I took that plunge and now three years later, I have so many
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  lessons that to share into and and I hope that this, the
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  transformation that I, you know, sort of came into can inspire
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  others as well. Yeah, I, I love this so much.
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  And so talk to me about you were living that very traditional
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  expectation. Well, I don't want to give too
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  much away. We'll get into expectations a
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  little bit later. But also you were, you were
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  following all the things that we're told to do as women, you
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  know, go to, you know, get the job, go to university, you know,
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  try to find a partner, just think about having a family, all
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  these things. And you got and, and, and even
• 6:45
  though you were very successful and, and very, and, and really
• 6:51
  thriving as a human, you should have been felt like you were
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  thriving, but because of the expectations, you didn't feel
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  like you were thriving. And, and, and so there's can be
• 7:01
  such an interesting dynamic that comes with that, but also
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  traveling as a woman solo is something that is very possible,
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  but also requires some planning and thinking.
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  And so talk to me about the role of healthy boundaries in your
• 7:18
  life in terms of taking care of yourself, protecting yourself,
• 7:24
  not feeling like you have to over explain yourself to people
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  who don't understand choices. I mean, sometimes we we really
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  have to determine, OK, I've made this decision that's contrary to
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  what a lot of people in would think that would speech to be or
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  would be something I would do. So how am I going to protect
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  myself and making sure I'm surrounding myself in spaces,
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  places in time that are honoring those decisions and but also
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  keep myself safe as I'm going around and doing all this?
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  Yeah, I mean, there's so much to unpack there.
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  Yeah, I know. And.
• 8:03
  I think just the important part is to to acknowledge that I was
• 8:09
  living someone else's life. We can start there.
• 8:14
  And I and I know that there's so many people out there who are
• 8:18
  finding themselves in the same way.
• 8:20
  And what it was doing was depleting my spirit.
• 8:23
  It was I just was down into my loneliness lump.
• 8:31
  You know, you can continue to do your job that you went to
• 8:34
  college for and you continue to do all of the check boxes and
• 8:38
  then go on the dates and try to find a partner.
• 8:40
  But all of that is just masking that you're just doing what
• 8:45
  society is telling you to do or you, you, you just kind of
• 8:50
  spreading it on top without really digging underneath.
• 8:54
  And, and so when, when I started there, I said I started, I feel
• 8:59
  like my life is passing me by. I feel like I, it's, why am I
• 9:04
  not fulfilled from, you know, getting this expensive car or
• 9:09
  why am I not fulfilled when I, I move into a bigger apartment?
• 9:14
  And it just so many of these things when you know, everybody
• 9:18
  else sort of has the, the answers for you.
• 9:21
  Sometimes it's like, oh, it's because you don't have a
• 9:23
  partner. Oh, it's because you know, your
• 9:26
  job is not the one for you. Oh, it's, it's always this other
• 9:29
  reason. But then I said, you know, maybe
• 9:33
  I, maybe I have to take ownership and I have to take
• 9:38
  ownership of my choices, that they are mine, and finally
• 9:43
  realize that this life is mine, no one else's life.
• 9:49
  Yeah, yeah. It's mine, yeah.
• 9:53
  So why are we living by other people's check boxes and other
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  people's expectations? But like when it's when you
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  simplify it that way, it just you're all of a sudden like what
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  this what? OK, so now let's do the hard
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  part because it is hard. So looking into myself and
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  saying that I'm going to embark on this lifestyle.
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  I put everything in storage that I didn't sell.
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  So I like very minimalistic. That was also a big transition.
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  I said I'm going to try to see if the way I've been living is
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  really like the the the the way that aligns the best with me.
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  Yeah. I realized over the course of
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  the last three years that you don't really need the stuff that
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  you kind of continuously buy and accumulate, accumulate.
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  You can live a little a bit more freer just from that aspect.
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  So you don't have to track 40 countries like I did, but you
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  can start to figure out like, is this aligning with me and what
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  my values are? And so when we talk, when you
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  are asking about healthy boundaries, definitely did not
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  have those clearly because I was living other people's lives or,
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  you know, society, what they were saying to me.
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  And I, it helps when making that step to create a physical
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  distance from, from that life that you had.
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  And I think that's that kind of helped to start the journey of
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  creating healthier boundaries. So then we have from all that
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  you were comfortable with, with your comfort zone and, and I, I
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  left that behind. It created, you know, I went to
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  Spain, San Diego to Spain. It's halfway across the world.
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  Yeah. The globe is they're on the
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  other side. Yeah.
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  And so when you, you and I took that opportunity to have that
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  physical space and to start to say, okay, I'm going to
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  intentionally spend this time for me, put away the
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  distractions as much as I could. You know, when it comes to other
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  people overstepping my boundaries, saying something
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  like, Oh yeah, the time difference, yeah.
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  Yeah, yeah, exactly. Oh, sorry, that.
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  Oh, yeah, I was sleeping. Yeah.
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  Apologies. Yeah.
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  It wasn't there in the way that you needed me to be that I've
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  always been, but it wasn't healthy so that.
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  Helped. And then from the actual, you
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  know, three years or so traveling, building, the
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  confidence to uphold those countries, so solid criminals
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  has definitely helped with that as well.
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  Yeah, I love that. Yeah, building that confidence,
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  putting that and you, you were so intentional about I'm going
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  to create some space here so I can find my feet, find my
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  stability in this decision. And, and, and then I that will
• 13:01
  embolden me and give me what I need to communicate in a way.
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  And also just set by example, I'm doing this, I'm sending them
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  out. I'm not talking about this.
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  I'm doing this. And then people are kind of
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  forced into like, oh, OK, she's doing this.
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  So I have a choice here. I can either honor her in this
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  or, you know, or not be a factor in her life anymore.
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  So it becomes very clear from that.
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  Thank you so much. Talk to me about and you and I
• 13:28
  talked about this in different in in our conversation when we
• 13:31
  met and it's come up some on the panels too.
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  But talk to me about the mental, emotional, physical, spiritual
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  aspects of your health that have shifted when you went from
• 13:44
  living out of everybody else's checkbox for your life,
• 13:48
  societal, cultural, all that, to living in a way that's honored
• 13:54
  and aligning with who you are now.
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  Yeah, it takes work. It takes work.
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  And it's it's, it's unfamiliar territory.
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  Sure, 100%. You're, you're a bit, you know,
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  there. You're skeptical of yourself.
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  You're your own big biggest critics.
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  What am I doing? How did I embark on this?
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  Can't believe I gave up my apartment.
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  Can't believe I sold my car. I really went all in.
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  Oh my gosh. There's there's a level of
• 14:27
  disbelief and then over the course of the months, it
• 14:31
  initially too, there are a lot of emotions of this this novel.
• 14:35
  This is different. I didn't even know how to
• 14:38
  explain it to people that OK. Yeah, like technically just a
• 14:43
  nomad and everyone's like what? That's still a word.
• 14:46
  What what? Yeah.
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  I didn't know how to define the the life so, so much.
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  And, and now I've really, over the course of the three years,
• 15:00
  I, I don't even, I don't have to define it for anybody but
• 15:04
  myself. And in coming to these
• 15:07
  realizations and realizing you don't have to explain yourself
• 15:14
  and how healthier that is and how, how it brings such a Peace
• 15:19
  of Mind when you you stop having to apologize clearly living
• 15:27
  unapologetically and really say, OK, I have, I have chosen this,
• 15:34
  this new life. I'm going to embrace it.
• 15:38
  It's going to be there's gonna be some hardships.
• 15:40
  There's a lot of. Fear.
• 15:42
  Yeah, we can definitely talk about that.
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  But it's just something that overtime became a Peace of Mind.
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  It was the the resilience that I built from it, the meaningful
• 15:56
  connections of meeting different people and being introduced to
• 16:01
  different cultures and, and just the I just feel my life
• 16:06
  expanded. I love that so much.
• 16:10
  Talk to us a little bit about the fear piece because there's a
• 16:14
  lot of people that'll be like, you're going to go solo travel
• 16:18
  as a woman. Have you read the headlines
• 16:20
  lately? I mean, you know, so talk to me
• 16:23
  about that piece. The safety, yeah, safety is very
• 16:27
  important. And of course, I, I live in the
• 16:29
  real world like the rest of us, and I have to be mindful of
• 16:33
  that. Unfortunately, women, we're not,
• 16:37
  we're not the safest everywhere. Yeah.
• 16:39
  So I do a lot of research before I go to a certain place and I,
• 16:47
  and now I've built a sort of community, the travelers
• 16:50
  community and, and through my researching and through meeting
• 16:54
  different people who are traveling, we rely on each other
• 16:58
  to communicate and to sort of give each other pointers and,
• 17:05
  and understand what it is. But I, I have to say it, with
• 17:09
  the technology that we have with all the blogs and the travel
• 17:13
  influencers and etcetera, etcetera, it's never been a
• 17:18
  better opportunity to, to know how to travel on a certain
• 17:22
  budget, to know, you know, top 10 things to do in this, in
• 17:27
  this, this country. And, and it's a quick Google
• 17:31
  search. And so combining all of these
• 17:34
  resources and you know, talking to my friends, researching by
• 17:38
  myself, following certain travellers, all of that plays,
• 17:44
  plays a factor. And and then when you also feel
• 17:48
  prepared, I feel prepared. Yeah.
• 17:51
  When when I go to a place and so when I get there, I'm prepared,
• 17:56
  I know what's going on, I know what to expect.
• 17:59
  And so therefore, I don't look like a helpless victim walking
• 18:03
  around, right, walking around the streets of whatever country.
• 18:10
  And that also plays a big difference.
• 18:12
  I, I talk about body language, you know, you don't want to seem
• 18:16
  frail and lost. And you know, even if you're
• 18:20
  unsure where you are at that moment, fake it.
• 18:24
  Make sure that you're that you know, shoulders back looking up.
• 18:29
  Definitely be aware of your surroundings and it's all common
• 18:34
  sense, obviously, but it makes a big difference.
• 18:39
  And so. Yeah, I think that preparedness
• 18:42
  piece is so big too. And also the body language
• 18:45
  piece, you know, such a the messages and signals that we
• 18:50
  send with our body language. I think we your estimate
• 18:53
  sometimes and not like not panicking like I'm prepared.
• 18:57
  I've got the information, I know what to do here and those are
• 19:01
  all set. You you're sending your nervous
• 19:02
  system signals. I'm okay.
• 19:05
  I got this three prepared. We did our homework.
• 19:07
  Yeah, I love that so much. Thank you.
• 19:10
  Yeah, I mean it. It helps you.
• 19:13
  You nailed it on right on, right on the head.
• 19:16
  Because I just met somebody. I'm in, I'm in Finland right
• 19:19
  now. And she's American.
• 19:21
  She lives in Florida and she went to Poland before coming to
• 19:25
  Finland. And so she found herself in a
• 19:28
  situation where she didn't have a reception.
• 19:32
  She she got off the wrong bus stop.
• 19:34
  And she's like, I freaked out. I you know, and I looked at her
• 19:40
  and I said, but look, you made it.
• 19:42
  You came, you came to Finland. We, we met each other.
• 19:47
  You made it, you made it through that, you know, horrible
• 19:51
  hardship where you were lost and, and, and you just became so
• 19:55
  much stronger. Yeah.
• 19:57
  And so you, there are situations with travel, of course, you,
• 20:04
  you, you can't predict everything as much as you
• 20:07
  prepare, there's still going to be some interesting things that
• 20:12
  are going to happen. But being open that and knowing.
• 20:17
  That you can handle it. Yeah, yeah.
• 20:20
  And it's such a great tool in learning what you're capable of
• 20:23
  and what's already inside of you.
• 20:25
  You have it all inside you. And these open up opportunities
• 20:30
  for you to really tap into that and really grown confidence that
• 20:33
  way. Yeah.
• 20:34
  And I think that also lends itself to this next one talking
• 20:38
  point of you have really learned how to show up unapologetically.
• 20:42
  You mentioned earlier, I don't feel like I have to over explain
• 20:45
  or apologize anymore because that is such as an issue that
• 20:50
  women deal with in the world. And through that it is enabled
• 20:54
  you to also show up for other women unapologetically.
• 20:57
  You now help other women embark on these.
• 21:01
  You help other women build confidence of what's possible
• 21:04
  with solo travel. You don't have to have a
• 21:06
  partner. You whether you're hoping to
• 21:08
  have a partner someday or if you decided you love the single
• 21:11
  life, that's all good. And I, and that's, I, I, one of
• 21:14
  my biggest passion points is that women understand that
• 21:19
  they're valuable and they're worthy and they get to choose.
• 21:22
  And that means they get to choose their life and they're
• 21:26
  worthy and valuable of choosing the life that is aligned with
• 21:29
  them, with their values, with what they're passionate about,
• 21:32
  with what fills their soul. And they don't have to explain
• 21:36
  that to anyone. And you, you, whether you choose
• 21:39
  to do these traditional roles that women have done across the
• 21:43
  ages and time or not, does not. Your value does not ever.
• 21:47
  Based on that, yes, yes, I'm sorry, I just got so excited and
• 21:57
  it and it's coming into that the different, you know, honoring
• 22:01
  everybody's differences and I think that's that's one way we
• 22:05
  can support each other and that's the start just being
• 22:10
  curious accepting other people's journeys that might be different
• 22:14
  than yours. So whether you do have a
• 22:16
  traditional lifestyle that that that makes you happy, that that
• 22:21
  fulfills you and you know, you're not feeling empty inside.
• 22:26
  And yes, like not judging is the key here.
• 22:31
  And I think that's where the support starts to each other is
• 22:35
  it's just letting go of the projections or insecurities and
• 22:39
  saying, I see you, I honor your path.
• 22:42
  And that's the foundation for living unapologetically.
• 22:46
  Yeah, and that curiosity piece, we're going to come back to that
• 22:49
  in a little bit because that is such a powerful point.
• 22:52
  Talk to me about when you decided this is really working
• 22:56
  for me. I think I'm going to set
• 22:57
  something up where I can help other women with that too.
• 23:00
  At what point did you decide? Because that to me is a key
• 23:03
  component of how you show up in supporting other women
• 23:06
  unapologetically. It is, is making like, wait a
• 23:11
  minute, I've got resources. I, I've learned a lot.
• 23:14
  I know the countries that are, you know, really accepting and
• 23:18
  supportive of, of women travel and, and all the, you know, I
• 23:22
  know the research, all those things.
• 23:23
  And I know the power that's in it for me.
• 23:26
  And so why not offer this to other women?
• 23:28
  Talk to me about at what point you decided it's time to do
• 23:30
  this. Yeah, so from I do admit it
• 23:38
  started more selfishly as it for from an introspective
• 23:41
  perspective from the three years ago, what shifted was I I kept
• 23:47
  getting asked the same questions and mostly by women.
• 23:52
  And it's how are you doing this? Where do you how do you, when do
• 23:55
  you, how do you decide where to go?
• 23:57
  When do you go? How long do you think you're
• 24:00
  going to do this? So I kept getting the same
• 24:02
  questions. I said interesting.
• 24:04
  I think that there's a curiosity there.
• 24:08
  This can be really impactful because it's if people weren't
• 24:12
  asking me these questions and mostly women and who that that
• 24:15
  means there's something there. I'm planting the seed that it's
• 24:20
  not not only possible, but maybe they can do it.
• 24:23
  Yeah. So they they see me flesh.
• 24:27
  Yeah, in person, in person. And they say, OK, well, it's
• 24:32
  like, how did you manage with, you know, finances and how are
• 24:37
  you the very popular question, how do you meet people so
• 24:40
  easily? All of all of these questions.
• 24:43
  And so then at the end of last year, so about a year ago now, I
• 24:48
  said, how about I actually give back in a way that I have that
• 24:54
  perhaps this is always been leading me to like this path
• 25:00
  and, and it just aligned so well.
• 25:03
  And I said, there's a part of me that wants to teach and share
• 25:08
  and mentor and guide people. And so it was about exactly a
• 25:16
  year ago, I said, I'm going to be brave again and start sharing
• 25:21
  my story. And so that's, that's how it all
• 25:25
  started in that. And that is, has transformed me
• 25:28
  in a different way. So solar travel transformed me
• 25:31
  into coming back to myself and understanding my values and
• 25:35
  understanding the world and being more connected and then
• 25:38
  now sharing my story and speaking about it and helping
• 25:43
  other people get started. It is is also transformation for
• 25:49
  me as well in that I am giving back all of the like you said,
• 25:55
  all of the that I've learned and I'm so happy to do it.
• 25:59
  It's so it's giving back so much more.
• 26:02
  Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Because sometimes, so many times
• 26:05
  as women, we just need that nudge or that one person that
• 26:08
  says that right thing. Like it's always been back in
• 26:11
  the back of our minds to do it. But no, But we feel like, oh,
• 26:16
  that's just a silly little crazy little thought or oh, what a
• 26:19
  pipe dream, whatever. And then all of a sudden.
• 26:21
  Oh, my favorite, I'm too old. Oh gosh, oh, wow.
• 26:26
  That no, as long as you're living, breathing and can in
• 26:30
  move around reasonably, you know, absolutely yeah,
• 26:36
  absolutely. I, I mean, I think this, you
• 26:39
  mentioned this already, it just a couple seconds ago really that
• 26:43
  you talked about how this impacted your values and your
• 26:47
  why. I, I feel like you, when you
• 26:49
  were able to shift into this, you're like, oh, now I'm finally
• 26:52
  living out of my values and my why.
• 26:55
  I figure out what that was versus what I thought was mine,
• 26:59
  but it was really just everyone else's expectations.
• 27:02
  I was trying to live into talk to me about that values and why
• 27:05
  discovery. Yeah.
• 27:07
  So we like to simplify the values, especially in the US,
• 27:15
  growing up in the States, there's just such a huge
• 27:18
  emphasis on making money and being successful and how that
• 27:24
  shapes your identity. And I, I think that was really
• 27:31
  taxing on me because I didn't feel that I was a success
• 27:37
  though, in this higher standard that I was holding myself to and
• 27:42
  that I was putting all this pressure on my shoulders.
• 27:44
  And I like to say that I, I felt like an elephant was sitting on
• 27:47
  me on top of my shoulders. And so then realizing through
• 27:54
  kind of taking this big leap and quitting my job and figuring out
• 27:59
  different ways and having to live a lot more strategically
• 28:02
  when it comes to money, I realized that, wait, that's not
• 28:09
  the top value. Of course, we all need to
• 28:11
  survive and to sustain ourselves, but that's not like
• 28:15
  that's not even the top six or seven.
• 28:18
  And I realized that having these deep connections with people,
• 28:24
  learning about and growing in a, in a different cultures and
• 28:29
  seeing the world and, and how much that has really enriched me
• 28:33
  and, and, and I decided. I was like, oh.
• 28:35
  I didn't even know you guys existed.
• 28:38
  Yeah. This value of connection and
• 28:43
  growth and, and you know, courage and where have you guys
• 28:50
  been? Yeah, yeah.
• 28:53
  And you finally was like, you finally were able to tap into
• 28:55
  them. Yes, exactly.
• 28:58
  As soon as I like go those, the pressures that you you can, you
• 29:05
  could say that society puts on us, but we also put it on
• 29:08
  ourselves. We do.
• 29:09
  It's it's, you know, we take these thoughts and we treat them
• 29:12
  as truth rather than just that's a thought.
• 29:15
  And let's get curious about where that's coming from and if
• 29:18
  he's even actually rooted in anything from me.
• 29:21
  I mean, yeah, so much of that. All right, We're here to the big
• 29:25
  expectations when you are totally living out of your own
• 29:28
  expectations versus others after years of not doing that.
• 29:34
  And you've talked already about the freedom and the discovery,
• 29:38
  the knowing who you are, the finding yourself through at
• 29:41
  peace. You've told me some stories as
• 29:43
  you've traveled around the world.
• 29:45
  You've been in some of these different countries where both
• 29:48
  men and women are, are like you're traveling alone.
• 29:52
  I mean, you told a story, but you know, when you were in
• 29:55
  Italy, you know, which is tends to be a pretty patriarchal
• 29:59
  system, or at least there's where men and women tend to have
• 30:03
  roles and, and, and then other places.
• 30:06
  Well, but then there's been other countries that have
• 30:08
  surprised you that you thought were more traditional, that you
• 30:11
  found some of them of like independently resource
• 30:15
  confident, self empowered women that you've run into.
• 30:19
  So you these expectations continue to be, you know, for
• 30:24
  you, even your own expectations of what you thought a culture
• 30:27
  was. There's so many pieces and parts
• 30:29
  of this expectation story. Talk to me about what that has
• 30:33
  been like for you to experience that both living out of your own
• 30:37
  but also having ones that you had of areas being.
• 30:41
  Oh. What I thought it was or you
• 30:44
  know, as you respond to people who are, you know, questioning
• 30:49
  how can. You do this as a woman.
• 30:50
  Is this why aren't you married? Yeah.
• 30:52
  I mean, all these crazy questions people tell me, why
• 30:55
  don't you have to? Are you going to be a mother?
• 30:57
  I'm like, why? When did we decide in the world
• 31:00
  that that has to be on the docket in order for me to be
• 31:03
  living a fulfilled life? So anyway, I've said a lot here,
• 31:07
  a loaded talking point, I think, for you.
• 31:10
  So just share with us what's coming to your heart in mind for
• 31:14
  you regarding this expectation strike.
• 31:18
  Well, so I'm going to start with the expectations that I put
• 31:23
  myself on myself before I started this, this new adventure
• 31:28
  and this new lifestyle. They were heavier because I
• 31:33
  wasn't connecting with myself. Yeah.
• 31:38
  And so they. Felt over overwhelming or they
• 31:42
  were overpowering me and and I didn't even have sort of as many
• 31:48
  external like opinions back then.
• 31:50
  I was working remotely my 9:00 to 5:00 job and, you know, doing
• 31:58
  going to the gym occasionally. Yeah, yeah.
• 32:02
  So I. Think that is so much heavier to
• 32:06
  carry from that perspective. So when I reconnected back with
• 32:12
  my values and myself, other people's opinions and other
• 32:16
  people's expectations, they don't feel that heavy.
• 32:19
  That's that. That's the biggest shift.
• 32:22
  I would say it just sort of OK, you know, you are sort of
• 32:29
  presenting these opinions and you're likely judging me, but
• 32:33
  that's, that tells me more about you really.
• 32:36
  Yeah. What you're, you're so
• 32:42
  judgmental about like, and, and of all of the things of solo
• 32:46
  travel, there's not to me, it's, there's just positivity coming
• 32:52
  from this experience because that's, that's, that's my
• 32:56
  experience with it. And I see other people are very
• 33:00
  kind of fearful about it and some women, because all your
• 33:04
  solo female traveler, you know, and you men stare at you to do
• 33:08
  this. And, you know, they have the
• 33:09
  questions, which is normal. And then men have sometimes or
• 33:14
  just, you know, from that protector role that a lot of
• 33:17
  them fall fall into, well, who's protecting you when you're
• 33:24
  traveling by yourself? You know, you don't be like you
• 33:26
  were saying, you don't have the husband, you don't have the
• 33:28
  friends, the male friends especially.
• 33:32
  And it's like, well, I think that you're just assuming that
• 33:35
  all women are so fragile and just we, we can't, there's a
• 33:41
  bigger narrative here. And with each country, the, the
• 33:48
  differences in narrative that they, they, they have.
• 33:51
  And sometimes we, they share it, you know, like, like the Italian
• 33:55
  kind of Western European countries with the US, they,
• 33:59
  they share similar narratives around this.
• 34:03
  But at the end of the day, it's like once you again, I'm coming
• 34:08
  back to the they don't impact me as much to a, to a level where I
• 34:15
  feel like this is not, oh, I'm not going to do this anymore
• 34:18
  because this person is afraid for me.
• 34:21
  Yeah, yeah. But when they haven't heard the
• 34:25
  full. Story when they haven't like
• 34:27
  they don't don't they don't understand the benefits and and
• 34:30
  this is this is my mission and I This is why I want to share and
• 34:34
  there's just so much so many benefits, especially for women,
• 34:38
  but also for men. There's just for everybody,
• 34:42
  there's you have having making this change from a life that you
• 34:50
  thought you had to lead to a life where you're giving
• 34:53
  yourself permission to lead, whether that be solo travel,
• 34:57
  whether that whatever the passion is there.
• 35:00
  That is the biggest shift. And so yes, you know that get a
• 35:05
  lot of those questions. But then it's it kind of tells
• 35:09
  me that again, I'm taking it positively.
• 35:12
  They're curious the plan. Yeah, I'm taking.
• 35:15
  In a very positive. Way and then when we you were
• 35:17
  mentioning where I had my own misconceptions when I went to
• 35:22
  Thailand, for example, and my Airbnb host is just the
• 35:27
  powerhouse of a boss lady. Several businesses including the
• 35:31
  the Airbnb that I was in and never married 41 years old, had
• 35:36
  a boyfriend in a different city just like who are you?
• 35:42
  Because I. Thought from my misconceptions
• 35:46
  and not knowing much about Asian culture and everyone had to
• 35:50
  follow the same rules in order to So that opened my mind and I
• 35:56
  love that. I love being proven wrong.
• 35:58
  I love that. Yeah.
• 36:00
  Thank you. So.
• 36:01
  Much for sharing that and I think something too, I think we
• 36:04
  underestimate the value of the learning that is possible with
• 36:10
  travel. I'll use myself.
• 36:12
  Travel is a literally one of my values.
• 36:14
  When I did about whole values breakdown a couple years ago and
• 36:18
  I had to come, I had to identify 3, which was like I'll never get
• 36:21
  it down to three. I did get it down to three and
• 36:24
  no matter what I did, travel kept coming up.
• 36:26
  And so I was just like, at first I was like, that feels kind of
• 36:33
  surface. Level.
• 36:34
  Or fun. Or yeah, I was really judging
• 36:37
  myself about it. And then I got curious.
• 36:40
  And then I was like, wait a minute, let me think about all
• 36:43
  the benefits the travel has brought me over here.
• 36:47
  And then? It's like, oh.
• 36:48
  My gosh, I mean the curiosity, the understanding of how
• 36:52
  different cultures and people operate, getting rid of the
• 36:56
  assumption, seeing the richness and possibility, learning that
• 36:59
  there's other ways to live a life.
• 37:01
  I mean, so I could go on and on and on.
• 37:04
  And I'm like, oh, and that's just external.
• 37:07
  You know external stuff what about the benefits for yourself
• 37:10
  and how you you're like a problem solver?
• 37:13
  Let's say your your flight gets delayed and all of a sudden you
• 37:16
  have plan BCD Yeah, absolutely. I.
• 37:19
  Mean we have literally have an example of that we were in and
• 37:22
  this wasn't solo travel, it was my, but it was my husband and I.
• 37:25
  It was our first time in Europe in 2018, and we got on the wrong
• 37:30
  train in Florence and it was just a language miscommunication
• 37:33
  thing. So we got on the wrong train.
• 37:35
  We were supposed to be taking a train to Genoa that day, got on
• 37:39
  the wrong train that was headed in the other direct.
• 37:40
  It was heading to like Milan or something.
• 37:42
  It's like wrong way, got off at the next stop and then went
• 37:46
  back. But by the time we went back to
• 37:49
  our original stop and floor and training, we missed our train.
• 37:51
  Yeah. So then we're like, OK, scramble
• 37:53
  and are like, OK, we're going to have to get a different train.
• 37:56
  And so once we kind of figured it all out and kind of like, oh,
• 38:00
  I mean, it took us like a stop to realize we were on the wrong
• 38:02
  train, talk to the train conductor in our very broken
• 38:06
  Italian and his very broken English and, and, and figured
• 38:10
  out that we needed to get back to the other stop.
• 38:12
  So he got us off so we could get back to the other stop that
• 38:15
  missed our found out we missed our train.
• 38:17
  So then we're like, OK, what do we do now?
• 38:19
  So we go in because we'd had done all of this online and OK,
• 38:22
  we're going to figure out how to navigate the actual, buying the
• 38:25
  tickets in the actual station, in the actual country, in the,
• 38:28
  the actual language. And, and we, you know, and we
• 38:32
  just went into it. And so between the two of us and
• 38:34
  my husband's a very savvy traveler too.
• 38:37
  So, and we're both, and we'd lived in, like we'd lived in
• 38:40
  Chicago and New York and we, we knew how to navigate train
• 38:43
  systems and, and all those things, which was super helpful.
• 38:47
  But we ended up picking one. We're like, OK, this is going a
• 38:51
  different route. It's going to, we're going to
• 38:54
  have to go to Pisa and then change to another train there.
• 38:57
  It's not a direct, but it's a different route.
• 38:59
  It's an adventure. And we don't, I mean, we don't
• 39:03
  have anything on the schedule today other than getting to
• 39:06
  Genoa. So OK, here we go.
• 39:09
  It ended up being, so we stopped in Pisa.
• 39:11
  We have a time out in Pisa, so we're able to go see the tower,
• 39:15
  leaning tower Pisa, which wasn't on the agenda because we weren't
• 39:17
  going to go through Pisa. So we ran over and saw that real
• 39:19
  quick, which was kind of fun, very touristy, but it was like,
• 39:22
  oh, OK, unexpected, get back to the train.
• 39:25
  And then this train, rather than cutting through Tuscany and
• 39:29
  going straight to Genoa, this train is going up the
• 39:33
  Mediterranean coast, following a Mediterranean like up above on a
• 39:39
  Cliff. You look out and there is the
• 39:42
  magically beautiful cliffs, mountains and beautiful
• 39:45
  Mediterranean Sea. We kind of knew it, but we
• 39:48
  didn't fully like, we've looked at the map, follow along.
• 39:51
  What? We've come out of a tunnel and I
• 39:56
  looked out the window and there it is.
• 39:59
  And I leaped out of my chair in excitement.
• 40:02
  I got trained. Gosh, and the people around me
• 40:06
  were. Like if she's the first, she's
• 40:08
  an American first timer. She's, I mean, the lady across
• 40:11
  the people were laughing. My husband was like you, like
• 40:14
  you cleared 3 feet out of your chair.
• 40:16
  You, you were so excited. It's, I can see it in my brain.
• 40:22
  It's was, it's one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen.
• 40:26
  And even better when you're not expecting it.
• 40:29
  What a fabulous surprise that was.
• 40:32
  And if we hadn't missed our train in Florence, which for
• 40:36
  about 15 minutes, we were kind of snappy at each other trying
• 40:39
  to figure out how we messed this up.
• 40:42
  Oh, God, over that, you know, over time and realized, oh, my
• 40:46
  gosh, that was the best mistake we've ever made.
• 40:50
  Blessing, blessing, Oh my God. And it was a reminder of, you
• 40:57
  know, with, you know, when the best laid plans just figure out
• 41:00
  another plan, especially on your vacation.
• 41:02
  But the settling of my nervous system when I'm able to go to
• 41:07
  these places and travel and see, I mean, when my husband and I
• 41:11
  are traveling, it's the most relaxed he ever is.
• 41:14
  We were in Ireland a little over a year ago and I just like take
• 41:19
  pictures of him because his whole persona just settles when
• 41:24
  you get away, when we're able to get away from all the noise.
• 41:28
  And so I think just don't underestimate the value of
• 41:31
  travel. And, and so I at that point, I
• 41:34
  was able to embrace, oh, this, this is a value of mine and has
• 41:38
  a very, very important role in my life.
• 41:41
  Yes. No, I mean, you have hit on so
• 41:45
  many different points there. It just opening up to being,
• 41:49
  let's say you, you both who are vulnerable in that situation.
• 41:53
  And so when and that scares a lot of people, but then that
• 41:57
  vulnerability opens you up to like experiencing completely
• 42:01
  different emotions and, and having this new experience of
• 42:05
  OK, I'm I'm just letting go. What it like we get there when
• 42:09
  we get there with this other train and going through Pisa
• 42:13
  and, you know, whatever happens. So you get to a point where
• 42:17
  you're not controlling every single aspect of your life and.
• 42:22
  Because. It's a false sense of control.
• 42:24
  We, we can't control everything, every aspect of it.
• 42:27
  It's it's not possible. And with the with traveling, it
• 42:32
  grounds you, you realize. Yeah, I'm using a pun, you know.
• 42:37
  Grounding the plane, you know, I guess I just realized that.
• 42:42
  But yeah, it grounds you emotionally.
• 42:45
  And so when you go through these experiences like that, you get
• 42:50
  closer to. Certain.
• 42:51
  People that you're traveling with and, and I was, I was going
• 42:54
  to say, even though I, I'm a solo traveler, I still meet up
• 42:59
  with a lot of people and then it's.
• 43:00
  Still end up. It it's still becomes like an
• 43:04
  experience that I share. I'm probably going to say most
• 43:08
  of the time I started alone and then all of a sudden I'm having
• 43:14
  lunch with somebody that I just met in Portugal, Like then
• 43:18
  there's dinner with the friend of the friend.
• 43:22
  It's not it's not an experience to the goal is not to say, oh, I
• 43:30
  I want to be by myself, Yeah. But the the.
• 43:35
  The goal is to say I'm going to start by myself and the
• 43:39
  intention is to connect with myself, but then I will embrace
• 43:44
  every aspect of this travel experience.
• 43:47
  Yeah. And the other point I wanted to
• 43:50
  make is that travel has always been a sort of escape.
• 43:55
  OK, let's go away for two weeks. And so that's why you're
• 44:00
  surprised. I'm assuming that it's a big
• 44:04
  value of yours because it's it it's been painted as sort of
• 44:08
  frivolous. And it's kind of like travel is
• 44:10
  just to escape. And that is what I'm set out to
• 44:15
  switch the turn around and do 180 because it's not an escape.
• 44:20
  You're not running away from your problems.
• 44:23
  You're embracing so much of life and the world and the new
• 44:29
  people. And you are taking yourself out
• 44:32
  of that comfy sofa and you're comfort zone and you're putting
• 44:37
  yourself in the world where you are finally connecting.
• 44:41
  Yeah. And you meet the most incredible
• 44:44
  people. We've had the most incredible
• 44:46
  conversations on trains, in pubs, in restaurants, on tours,
• 44:52
  like on boat rides. I mean, I can think of all these
• 44:56
  different places and spaces we have connected with people in a
• 45:00
  way people are just see, when you're traveling, it just
• 45:03
  there's just an openness that comes alive in you.
• 45:06
  And it's curiosity and a friendliness.
• 45:10
  I mean, there's just so many things that I've discovered that
• 45:14
  just some of the most meaningful conversations, those people I'll
• 45:17
  never see again. But in that moment, we shared
• 45:21
  such incredible time together that I wouldn't change for
• 45:24
  anything that it wouldn't have gotten had we not embarked on
• 45:28
  that journey. But some of the deepest.
• 45:31
  Conversations and maybe there is an aspect to that because you
• 45:34
  know that you likely won't see this person ever yeah will you
• 45:38
  still more comfortable to open up is you just like oh OK like
• 45:42
  this is a safe space because it's it's a it's a moment where
• 45:49
  I want to I really want to I feel connected to the place and
• 45:54
  the person and whatnot and then there's a there's a part of it
• 45:58
  too about traveling that is bringing you to the present
• 46:02
  you're being very present yes yes you.
• 46:05
  Are in the moment. You are not thinking about what
• 46:08
  happened last week or thinking about what's coming.
• 46:11
  You are present and in the moment, taking everything in.
• 46:14
  Exactly. And it's it's new and you have
• 46:18
  to figure things out. And you, you're like, OK, well,
• 46:21
  I don't know any of these people.
• 46:23
  So there's no, there's no time to think about the past or like,
• 46:26
  Oh, yeah, you know, I was in this situation five years ago in
• 46:30
  San Diego. There's no time because you're
• 46:35
  so. Present and embracing all of
• 46:37
  that, the new environments that you're in and the new people
• 46:41
  that you're meeting. And I've definitely become a
• 46:44
  better listener. Starting to travel?
• 46:48
  Solo and it just again, it's like one of those things where,
• 46:54
  OK, well, I'm not sure if I'm going to see this person again.
• 46:56
  So like I should probably pay attention to the details
• 47:01
  otherwise I'm going to get this wrong and during our
• 47:05
  conversation. So there's, there's, there's
• 47:08
  part of that too, of listening more closely, which again is
• 47:14
  enriching. Me.
• 47:16
  As a person, yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
• 47:18
  So good, all right, in embracing your layers, I talk a lot about
• 47:23
  embracing layers and it's embracing all the pieces and
• 47:26
  parts of your lives, the parts we love, the parts we don't
• 47:29
  love, all the pieces that make us up.
• 47:31
  No more stuffing, no more shame, no more, no more regrets.
• 47:36
  And, and with, with the reality, like you're not going to love
• 47:39
  every decision or choice you made along the way or thing that
• 47:42
  happened to you and how you reacted or responded to it, but
• 47:46
  through curiosity rather than judgment.
• 47:49
  I, I, I believe you can get to at least a just a base level
• 47:53
  acknowledgement. Yeah, that happened.
• 47:55
  This is where I was at that time.
• 47:57
  This is what I thought I needed to do based on that information,
• 48:00
  I can see how this, you know, progressed.
• 48:03
  I learned from that and I'm moving forward.
• 48:05
  And, and it can be a very complex journey, but I, I really
• 48:08
  have learned in my own journey that by embracing my layers, I
• 48:12
  then can come to really understand, oh, I am valuable.
• 48:16
  Oh, I am worthy of these things are part of a life.
• 48:20
  They don't determine whether I'm good or bad.
• 48:24
  They are. It's a process, it's a journey.
• 48:26
  Talk to me about your layers journey as you have evolved into
• 48:32
  this space over the years. That is, that's such a good
• 48:36
  question. And now I want to say I loved
• 48:43
  it. I I'm just going to, I'm just
• 48:47
  going to say it up. I was being told in the
• 48:49
  corporate world for about in my 20s and early 30s.
• 48:54
  I was too nice. Oh gosh.
• 48:57
  I was too nice. And clients would say that and
• 49:00
  you know, like, but I wouldn't, I would get passed over for
• 49:03
  promotions and not like just, oh, you're too nice.
• 49:08
  And then finally I'm in a situation where being too.
• 49:15
  Nice. Is, is a superpower and, and
• 49:21
  the, the fact that I'm in too nice and, and sort of warm and
• 49:25
  welcoming. And that's how I've, I've really
• 49:28
  embraced this lifestyle of connecting, but connect people
• 49:31
  so easily. And now instead of, you know,
• 49:35
  folks saying, Oh, you're too nice, it's like, how are you
• 49:37
  making all, How are you making all these friends all over the
• 49:41
  world? And I was like, because I'm too
• 49:43
  nice. See it worked out.
• 49:48
  Like that one layer of being too nice in the corporate world
• 49:51
  where it's like you have to be like shark and yeah, just like,
• 49:57
  make yourself sound better and all of the stuff and in front of
• 50:00
  the clients and do this performance of being aggressive
• 50:05
  and then like initiating it. Oh, you know, yeah.
• 50:09
  Actually, a lot of the listeners can also relate.
• 50:12
  Yeah. And it's.
• 50:13
  And then coming. Into this travel experience and
• 50:16
  I was like wow that that is a superpower like that layer of me
• 50:21
  that part of me that I felt ashamed about and I had I
• 50:26
  thought I had to fix and that is is one of the reasons why I feel
• 50:32
  people trust me so quickly when we meet and when we become we
• 50:36
  make these meaningful connections and because I don't
• 50:39
  come from a level of what what can you do for me or, you know,
• 50:47
  very business transactionally, but a sort of curiosity again
• 50:51
  coming back and that too nice layer I.
• 50:56
  Haven't actually. Talked about that before I just
• 50:58
  it when as you were describing you know the different layers
• 51:01
  that we have and and sort of the criticisms and that what we
• 51:05
  thought were flaws could actually just be reframed to a
• 51:14
  very positive superpower yeah what can.
• 51:18
  These things come up when we're living in alignment and we're in
• 51:21
  past. And I want to point out to the
• 51:24
  whole being too nice thing people equate being too nice
• 51:29
  with. She's not strong.
• 51:31
  Enough assertive enough you're plenty strong, you're plenty
• 51:36
  capable, plenty assertive, able to research and take care of
• 51:40
  yourself as a a woman traveler solo and.
• 51:48
  Be nice at the same time. These don't have to be mutually
• 51:52
  exclusive. And I think I will tell you
• 51:54
  that's a, that's a major missing element in our our company
• 51:57
  cultures today is this misunderstanding of what it
• 52:03
  means to be nice and where that fits in.
• 52:06
  And there's just this, we have so many layers and we are
• 52:11
  capable of feeling and being and existing in multiple ways.
• 52:16
  We are so much more nuanced than what societal narratives try to
• 52:21
  put on it. Then tonight, societal
• 52:24
  narratives want to allow us to be.
• 52:27
  And when you can step into that and realize, Oh my gosh, this is
• 52:32
  all inside with me. And now I'm living in a space
• 52:35
  where it's allowed to thrive and be and breathe exactly you.
• 52:41
  Just you put it all together amazingly.
• 52:45
  Yeah. So.
• 52:47
  You live. Out, feel, finding empowerment,
• 52:50
  embracing layers and really authentic, beautiful way.
• 52:55
  Talk to me about how that's impacted your relationship with
• 52:58
  yourself as well as your relationship with other people.
• 53:02
  Mm, hmm, a big portion. So I'll start with a
• 53:08
  relationship with myself. Definitely.
• 53:12
  There's there's, I'm not as harsh on myself.
• 53:15
  There's more compassion. Yeah.
• 53:18
  And there's that we just we're our own worst critics.
• 53:24
  You haven't achieved this. You have this this milestone,
• 53:27
  this, this situation, this much money, this much the big, the
• 53:32
  big, all of these things. I was just so harsh on myself
• 53:37
  with the the traditional life and, and I said, OK, what, what
• 53:42
  if I I'm, I'm actually compassionate towards myself,
• 53:49
  What what would happen? And so that's when it started.
• 53:53
  To I, I have a lot more compassion towards myself with
• 53:58
  my relationships. I had just that vulnerability
• 54:04
  that I exude is so it's so powerful and they feel seen.
• 54:13
  I feel that we're connecting in a much deeper level because I,
• 54:18
  I'm, I'm sharing my stories because when I meet people, I
• 54:21
  don't just ask superficial questions.
• 54:26
  It just there, there's a level that I connect with others and
• 54:31
  my relationships have really grown when I have been more
• 54:36
  vulnerable with my struggles and and also when I meet new people,
• 54:41
  it's a bit, it's kind of like, OK, this is what I'm struggling
• 54:46
  with right at this moment is I don't know if you saw me crying
• 54:50
  in the airplane. And they're like, no, no.
• 54:55
  I didn't, I was like, OK, but you know, so when, when you
• 54:58
  phrase it in a way where it's, it's warm and it's, it's you're
• 55:02
  just, you're opening yourself up a little bit more.
• 55:05
  I am I've been shocked at just how quickly people just bond and
• 55:10
  they're, they're able to say similar stories, especially
• 55:14
  women, especially women solo travelers, Which funny enough,
• 55:19
  fun fact, I recently saw from there's a, there's a book by
• 55:25
  Beth Santos and the one Wonder Woman that that 2/3 of solo
• 55:31
  travelers are female. Oh wow.
• 55:34
  Which? Is not surprising to me because
• 55:37
  I've met a lot of female solo travelers.
• 55:39
  What? I was just so funny because I
• 55:41
  was like, wow, we are. We're taking over, taking over
• 55:44
  the solo travel game, which is I.
• 55:47
  Think is so fun and obviously it's interesting to me because I
• 55:51
  in some ways that doesn't surprise me, for one.
• 55:55
  Sadly, if. You are partnered many times
• 55:58
  women outlive men. And so I think you find a lot of
• 56:02
  women in their 50s, sixties, 70s that are like, I'm still very
• 56:07
  vibrant and thriving and I've always wanted to do this and,
• 56:10
  and now I can do this. And so they go do it.
• 56:14
  And I think you also have the 20s and 30s, somethings that are
• 56:19
  like wanting to go on that adventure before they go, you
• 56:23
  know, settle into whatever it is they've decided they're going to
• 56:27
  settle into. You've got those, the women in
• 56:29
  their 40s that have either done anything, divorced maybe, Yes.
• 56:35
  Yes. Exactly they're.
• 56:36
  Going to they're basically literally going to find
• 56:38
  themselves like literally. So when you say it, and I feel
• 56:41
  like women are more inclined as I, I, you know, I've talked to
• 56:46
  over 200 women in the last four years and I feel like, like
• 56:49
  they're more inclined to go do that adventure thing.
• 56:53
  Men seem to, although my, my husband would do it that way
• 56:56
  because he loves to travel too, but they seem to, to choose
• 56:59
  different routes. And I feel like to travel is a
• 57:02
  very common route for women to choose.
• 57:06
  I believe it's more accepted that women can do that from a
• 57:12
  like an introspective type of way.
• 57:14
  Well, then it has to be a certain goal, right?
• 57:18
  Yes. What, are you going to have
• 57:20
  something? Here.
• 57:21
  Yes, absolutely. Yeah.
• 57:22
  They go climb Kilimanjaro. They run a marathon, which I
• 57:26
  recently did. Yes, you did.
• 57:29
  Yeah, exactly. You can travel and go climb
• 57:31
  Kilimanjaro. Exactly.
• 57:34
  But yeah, you can meet those physical challenges as well as
• 57:40
  the internal challenge. Yeah, emotional challenges.
• 57:44
  And I just I I think for men is it's it's harder because it's
• 57:49
  never I don't they don't have the eat, pray, love.
• 57:53
  I don't think I know you. You're.
• 57:55
  They've been told it's not OK, right?
• 57:58
  You know I mean it. Goes back to.
• 57:59
  Societal expectations and being able to kind of breakthrough
• 58:03
  those. Oh so good, so good.
• 58:05
  All right, as we wind down here, share with me 5 activities that
• 58:10
  nourish you. OK, All right.
• 58:17
  So I, I journal all the time. So the, the journaling aspect of
• 58:27
  it, the retrospective reflection is it's very important.
• 58:35
  Obviously I have a quick story about the journal by the way,
• 58:39
  because OK, I usually put it into my carry on bag with me.
• 58:45
  And for some reason I, I was on a flight to Croatia this summer
• 58:50
  and they had to check my little bag.
• 58:54
  There was a small airplane and whatnot.
• 58:56
  So they checked my bag and I had put my journal, both of my
• 58:59
  journals, which is the heaviest item out of the everything that
• 59:05
  I travel with, with journals. I have two of them and they're,
• 59:09
  they're the heaviest. And so I put them in the in the
• 59:12
  bag and then I checked it and then the bag didn't come out
• 59:17
  once I landed. And I said Oh my God, there
• 59:21
  there goes my like 6 months of journaling.
• 59:24
  Like it just, you know, I started to sweat.
• 59:29
  Yeah, this. Woman was.
• 59:32
  Hilarious. She just recently came back from
• 59:35
  a vacation and she was not happy to be back at work.
• 59:37
  But she's just like, Oh yeah, yeah, your bag is not here.
• 59:42
  And I'm like, clearly, yes. But then the next day they
• 59:47
  called me and they said they found it.
• 59:49
  And I was like, yes, but it sort of gave me this.
• 59:53
  I was like, oh, you know what, What happens if you journal all
• 59:56
  those feelings and all those thoughts and then it, it, they
• 59:59
  sort of, you know, kind of. Lose themselves away from you or
• 1:00:05
  however you you lose them. And I said, and that's probably
• 1:00:08
  part of the lesson too, is letting them go as well.
• 1:00:14
  Yeah, we hold on. So tight to things sometimes we
• 1:00:18
  do and I. Said that's that's also why
• 1:00:21
  people it's hard for people to let go of certain material
• 1:00:24
  possessions, which I know I, I sit I come here and say like, Oh
• 1:00:29
  yeah, just put your stuff in storage and start travelling
• 1:00:31
  quickly. Just start off with three
• 1:00:33
  months. People looking at me like, which
• 1:00:38
  I just I do say you can start small like you can start a bit
• 1:00:43
  you just take yourself out for lunch, like start solo
• 1:00:46
  travelling that way. But it was it was a reminder of
• 1:00:51
  wow, OK, like attaching to this journaling, like where I pour my
• 1:00:56
  emotions out throughout the the three years and I was like, OK,
• 1:00:59
  maybe you can let that go. So yeah, the other parts of
• 1:01:03
  course, like travel. And then I I feel fulfilled when
• 1:01:07
  I have amazing conversations like this with meaningful
• 1:01:10
  connections that I need it just yeah, yeah, yeah, I think.
• 1:01:18
  It's, it's so good and I think, you know, it's such an important
• 1:01:22
  thing to remember about those things that we are connected to
• 1:01:25
  get curious as to the why behind that and if the why behind that
• 1:01:30
  has a healthy connection or I also love how you help women
• 1:01:33
  like, especially if you haven't done it before, because even I
• 1:01:37
  would say this has changed in the last 10 years.
• 1:01:41
  But even eating out by yourself used to be like, you're going by
• 1:01:44
  yourself. I mean, to even just be seen by
• 1:01:47
  yourself solo in a restaurant, a Cafe, coffee, anything was like,
• 1:01:53
  Oh, what's wrong with you? Like, no one wants to be with
• 1:01:55
  you instead of being like, exact yes, yes.
• 1:01:59
  And so for some people, if that's what they've grown up
• 1:02:02
  around or lived around the, you know, even doing that thing is a
• 1:02:07
  is just putting their foot out there for.
• 1:02:09
  Oh, OK, I can actually really enjoy the food or notice my
• 1:02:14
  surround soundings or engage with my weight person or just
• 1:02:18
  quietly enjoy a meal and settle and, and not feel like I'm
• 1:02:23
  inclined to be in conversation. I mean, there's just so many
• 1:02:26
  different things about it. But you that can be a big step
• 1:02:29
  for people. So also when you're working with
• 1:02:31
  women, you help you meet them where they are to help them
• 1:02:34
  prepare for that. And I think that's an important
• 1:02:36
  point to point out too. Yes, yeah.
• 1:02:40
  I you don't have to. Jump in to going to Morocco
• 1:02:46
  tomorrow. Like, yeah, yeah.
• 1:02:49
  Exactly. No, no, no.
• 1:02:51
  Like just smaller steps, be good to yourself, be compassionate.
• 1:02:57
  And that's, you know, just start from there and it builds up.
• 1:03:00
  It builds the confidence. And I say take yourself out
• 1:03:03
  first to a meal, then maybe a weekend trip to the something in
• 1:03:08
  the city, in your state, then maybe go international for a
• 1:03:12
  week and then, you know, go for three weeks.
• 1:03:15
  So if you can. And so I know that the
• 1:03:19
  flexibility is so different for everybody and the different
• 1:03:22
  times in their lives and, and especially people that have
• 1:03:26
  recently, let's say, been laid off like, well, you know, why
• 1:03:31
  would I spend money when I have to be looking for a job?
• 1:03:34
  But then you taking that break in between which, for example,
• 1:03:39
  like my aunt has said, like she wishes that she she's retired
• 1:03:44
  now, but back five years ago when there was restructuring and
• 1:03:48
  she happened to be laid off for about 6 months.
• 1:03:53
  What if I took those six months and traveled?
• 1:03:57
  Yeah, instead of just, you know, kind of, I moped around the
• 1:04:00
  house and applied to jobs for six months and she said I would
• 1:04:04
  have seen so many countries. Yeah.
• 1:04:07
  Yeah, I love that. Just it's because you are going
• 1:04:12
  to find a job, you will. But how do you take that
• 1:04:18
  opportunity and or see it as an opportunity between jobs?
• 1:04:22
  Yeah. See.
• 1:04:23
  It as an. Opportunity to reset, refresh.
• 1:04:26
  Make sure you go back in into things that are in alignment
• 1:04:29
  with you, rather than just keep doing the same thing.
• 1:04:32
  Maybe it's time to do something different.
• 1:04:33
  There's so many things that can open up for you.
• 1:04:36
  Yeah, absolutely. All right, 5 words on how you
• 1:04:39
  want to feel the next six months.
• 1:04:43
  Yes. These words, it's so tough
• 1:04:48
  because I'm very chatty. Put into 5 words.
• 1:04:57
  I want to feel fulfilled. I want to, I want there to be
• 1:05:03
  more gross. I want to continue to build on
• 1:05:09
  the alignment, the self alignment.
• 1:05:13
  I want to continue to give, to feel that I'm making a an impact
• 1:05:23
  and a difference. And I want to look.
• 1:05:28
  I want to feel joy, love. That all right, tell people
• 1:05:33
  where they can find you and follow you.
• 1:05:34
  And this will also be on our website at embracinglayers.com
• 1:05:39
  on the resources page. But let people know real quick
• 1:05:41
  right now. So please come.
• 1:05:44
  Visit me on the website spetiru.com, TSVETY roo.com and
• 1:05:51
  then shoot me a note. Share your your solo travel
• 1:05:55
  stories. I I love that too.
• 1:05:57
  I love people. They they come to me and they
• 1:05:59
  say, oh, I did a solo travel 10 years ago.
• 1:06:03
  I love them. So yeah, just reach out.
• 1:06:06
  Also on my Instagram, I have also started a YouTube channel
• 1:06:11
  where this podcast and we we can align as I've been a guest on
• 1:06:17
  several other podcasts and that it would also be very
• 1:06:20
  inspirational for you and yeah, this Instagram website, Yep,
• 1:06:25
  LinkedIn, Spetty Roo, so everywhere awesome and.
• 1:06:31
  A last thought you'd like to leave with our listeners today.
• 1:06:36
  I would really want people to be open to themselves and to the
• 1:06:43
  world. Yeah.
• 1:06:46
  Curiosity. Curiosity.
• 1:06:49
  Yeah, absolutely. I love that so much.
• 1:06:51
  Speddy, thanks so much for your time.
• 1:06:53
  You're one of my favorite people I've met in 2025.
• 1:06:56
  Honestly, you really are. I love, I love your journey.
• 1:07:00
  I love what you're doing. And I think it's just my love
• 1:07:03
  for travel ties so succinctly to what you're doing and and and
• 1:07:08
  helping women know what's possible.
• 1:07:10
  You don't have to just you don't have to live in these boxes that
• 1:07:13
  have been given. If you feeling this nudge, if
• 1:07:16
  you've got the bug, go do it. And if you're feeling question
• 1:07:20
  your confidence resources, you've got Spetti right here to
• 1:07:24
  help you guide you through that. Dig into those resources.
• 1:07:27
  Honor yourself in that way. Get curious, understand that
• 1:07:33
  living in alignment is what you owe yourself, and no longer
• 1:07:37
  abandoning yourself to fulfill things that aren't aligned with
• 1:07:40
  you. And if you need help finding
• 1:07:42
  that alignment, reach out to me. Let's have a conversation.
• 1:07:45
  Go to embracinglayers.com, fill up that contact page.
• 1:07:48
  Let's have a conversation. I'd love to help you with that,
• 1:07:50
  but I thank you so much for how you show up in the world.
• 1:07:54
  Thank you. You're welcome.
• 1:07:56
  All right, listeners. There it is, check out these
• 1:07:59
  resources, take good care of yourselves, and we'll see you
• 1:08:01
  next time here on the Field podcast.
• 1:08:05
  Hello and thank you so much for being with us today on this
• 1:08:09
  episode of the Feel podcast. If you would like more
• 1:08:12
  information on how you can apply these talking points that I
• 1:08:17
  share with our guests in each episode to your own life, really
• 1:08:21
  utilize this Feel framework. Go to embracinglayers.com, fill
• 1:08:27
  out our contact form and let's set up a free 30 minute
• 1:08:31
  consultation to talk about how you can start being your most
• 1:08:36
  authentic, organic, healthy feel fueled life.
• 1:08:41
  Thanks again for being with us today.
• 1:08:43
  We'll be back to you soon with another episode here on the Feel
• 1:08:46
  Podcast.