Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 352: Tammy's Takes #36: Your Triggers Are Trying To Tell You Something

Transcript

E 352: Tammy's Takes #36: Your Triggers Are Trying To Tell You Something · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:02
  Welcome back to another episode of Tammy's Takes, where we take powerful conversations with our guests and turn them into practical strategies you can use right here, right now.
• 0:10
  So if you haven't listened to my episode with David Dean Haskell, author of Wounded Angels and Inner Child Unleashed, I encourage you to go back and listen after this episode.
• 0:19
  David shared something, that I absolutely loved.
• 0:22
  He said that when our emotional reaction feels much bigger than the situation in front of us, it usually is because something much older has been touched.
• 0:31
  And I thought, "Oh my God, yes, exactly," because that's one of the biggest misunderstandings people have about healing.
• 0:37
  People come to me all the time with, say things like, "Tammy, I don't know why I get so upset.
• 0:42
  I don't know why I couldn't stop crying.
• 0:44
  I don't know why I shut down.
• 0:45
  I don't know why I get so angry."
• 0:48
  They assume something is wrong with them.
• 0:50
  But what if nothing's wrong with you?
• 0:53
  What if it's just your nervous system simply trying to finish a conversation that started many, many years ago?
• 0:59
  Here's what I teach my clients.
• 1:01
  There are events, and then there are meanings to those events.
• 1:04
  The event today might be tiny.
• 1:06
  Someone forgets to text you back.
• 1:08
  The spouse sounds irritated.
• 1:10
  Your boss gives you constructive feedback.
• 1:12
  A friend doesn't invite you somewhere.
• 1:14
  Those are today's events that happen every single day.
• 1:17
  But your nervous system doesn't always seem to react from today's event.
• 1:22
  It reacts to yesterday's meaning, meaning if you spent your childhood feeling totally ignored, being out, being left out today doesn't just feel disappointing.
• 1:33
  It feels completely familiar.
• 1:34
  So if you were constantly criticized growing up, your mom was always telling you you were doing something wrong, when you get constructive feedback from your boss, it doesn't just feel uncomfortable, it feels dangerous.
• 1:45
  If love was unpredictable and you always had to earn your peace and earn your love, silence doesn't feel peaceful.
• 1:52
  It feels like abandonment.
• 1:54
  That's why your reaction seems so much bigger than the moment.
• 1:57
  Guys, you've heard me say it so many times, time and time again.
• 2:01
  When you were little, everything feels big.
• 2:03
  So if you were living from the past when you were little, it's going to feel big.
• 2:08
  One of my favorite things that David talked about was how triggers often point us back toward your younger selves, and I completely agree with that.
• 2:15
  But here's what I wanna take just a little bit further.
• 2:18
  I don't want you to fear your triggers anymore.
• 2:21
  I want you to become curious about them.
• 2:23
  Stop looking at them with judgment, because every single trigger you have, it's nothing more than information.
• 2:30
  It literally contains all the information you need to heal.
• 2:34
  So instead of asking yourself this dreaded question of what's wrong with me, those four words that I think ought to be taken out of the English vocabulary completely, start asking yourself, "What is this reaction trying to protect?"
• 2:48
  It's a completely different question, and when you start asking it, it's going to change the way you look at yourself.
• 2:56
  If I had to give this a name, and you know I love giving things a name, I would actually just call this becoming the detective instead of the judge.
• 3:03
  Most of us judge ourselves immediately.
• 3:06
  What do you say to yourself?
• 3:07
  You go, "Oh my gosh, I shouldn't feel this way.
• 3:09
  I'm overreacting.
• 3:10
  I'm too sensitive.
• 3:11
  No wonder nobody likes me."
• 3:13
  Sound familiar?
• 3:14
  Yeah, we've all said those things to ourselves.
• 3:16
  But instead, I want you to put your detective hat on.
• 3:18
  Ask yourself, "What happened?
• 3:21
  What did I make that mean?
• 3:23
  And more importantly, when have I felt this before?"
• 3:26
  Notice I didn't ask, "When did this start?"
• 3:29
  Because sometimes you don't even know when that started.
• 3:32
  Sometimes your body remembers long before your mind does.
• 3:35
  So here's something I want you to try this week.
• 3:37
  Simple exercise.
• 3:39
  The next time you notice a big emotional reaction, just pause, take a slow breath, and ask yourself these three questions.
• 3:46
  Number one: What just happened?
• 3:49
  Number two: What is the story I immediately tell myself?
• 3:53
  And number three, and this may seem really strange to you, but how old do I feel right now?
• 4:00
  The last question surprises almost everyone, because you'll often realize, "I don't feel 57 years old.
• 4:07
  I feel 8, or I feel 12.
• 4:09
  I feel 5.
• 4:10
  I feel like that scared little kid who believed they weren't enough."
• 4:14
  And that is incredibly invaluable information Because honestly, once you realize that your eight-year-old self is driving the bus, you can lovingly invite your adult self back into the driver's seat.
• 4:27
  Healing doesn't happen because you get triggered.
• 4:29
  Healing happens because you stop believing every trigger is telling you the truth.
• 4:34
  The trigger is not your enemy.
• 4:36
  It's a messenger, and if you stop fighting it long enough to listen, it may show you exactly where your next layer of healing is waiting.
• 4:44
  David also shared something that I hope sticks with you.
• 4:47
  He reminded us, "Don't give up on yourself."
• 4:50
  I couldn't agree more.
• 4:51
  Healing isn't about pretending your childhood never happened.
• 4:54
  It's about refusing to let it write the rest of your story.
• 4:58
  I talk all the time about how when I was a child, I used to feel like somebody else was writing my story, and I wasn't holding the pen.
• 5:04
  But now I am a grown-ass adult, and I get to hold the pen to this.
• 5:08
  I get to write the rest of my story, and so do you, my friends.
• 5:11
  You get to write the rest of your story.
• 5:13
  So if this episode resonated with you at all, and you're kinda tired of reacting in ways that you don't understand, I would love to help you.
• 5:21
  During my complimentary Clarity and Calm call, we'll be identifying the survival patterns your nervous system learned years ago and more importantly, how to start changing them.
• 5:31
  Or if you're just curious about maybe what chronic stress did to you and how you might be communicating through these patterns through your body, I also offer a complimentary AO Biofrequency scan demo.
• 5:42
  We can explore your body's stress patterns and talk about practical next steps.
• 5:46
  You'll find both links in the show notes.
• 5:48
  But before you go, I want you to remember this: your trigger is not proof that you're broken.
• 5:53
  It's proof that a younger part of you is still waiting to be heard.
• 5:56
  So until that time, take care of yourself, be gentle with yourself, and remember, healing begins the moment curiosity becomes stronger than self-judgment.
• 6:07
  I'll see you next time.
• 6:08
  Take care, and I love you guys.
• 6:10
  Have a good day.