Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 154. Cheating, Blame & Women Who Don’t Care: The Side Chick Who Stole My Family

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154. Cheating, Blame & Women Who Don’t Care: The Side Chick Who Stole My Family · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apologie production.
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  Speaker 2: An easier advice.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Are you okay what happened?
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Promise it won't be too much.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Bring it in.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: Welcome to our Bestie segment, Girl, this is the place
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: for you.
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: Welcome back to another Bestie episode with Ashley and Tiana.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: We have a very challenging one today.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, it is challenging.
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  Speaker 3: This is going to be a deep one. Just so
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  Speaker 3: you know, I'm going to read the title out for
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  Speaker 3: you so you know what to expect. Cheating, blame, and
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  Speaker 3: women who don't care, the side chick who stole my family.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, this one's going to be tough.
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  Speaker 2: Actually take it away.
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  Speaker 1: I haven't actually read this yet, but the title is
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  Speaker 1: a lot. All right. I just need to get this
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  Speaker 1: off my chest because I am a fuming I had
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  Speaker 1: a family, a partner, a child, and a home that
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  Speaker 1: we were building together and then some young girl with
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  Speaker 1: absolutely no morals comes along and wrecks it all. She
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  Speaker 1: knew he had a partner, she knew he had a kid.
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  Speaker 1: She still thought it was okay to play her little
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  Speaker 1: games and sneak around behind my back like you're not dumb,
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  Speaker 1: you know exactly what you were doing. And honestly, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: he's a dog for cheating. But she had a choice too.
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  Speaker 1: She chose to go after a taken man. She chose
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  Speaker 1: to insert herself into someone else's family. And it makes
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  Speaker 1: me sick because women love to say it's not our responsibility,
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  Speaker 1: he's one in a relationship. If you know a man
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  Speaker 1: has taken and you still cross that line, you're just
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  Speaker 1: as guilty. Where's the girl code, app where's the respect
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  Speaker 1: for another woman, for a child who now has to
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  Speaker 1: grow up in a broken home. I don't get how
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  Speaker 1: girls like this sleep at night knowing that destroyed someone
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  Speaker 1: else's family just for a bit of attention. So I
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  Speaker 1: want to know what's your opinion on women who don't
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  Speaker 1: care to cheat with taken men. Are they just as
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  Speaker 1: much to blame as the guys or do people let
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  Speaker 1: them off too easy?
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  Speaker 2: Well that's a good question.
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  Speaker 1: Oh.
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  Speaker 2: First of all, I just want to say, I'm so
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  Speaker 2: sorry that this is happening. Sorry, such a.
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  Speaker 3: Tough thing to have to go through, and especially what
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  Speaker 3: you were mentioning about, like your family now and feeling
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  Speaker 3: like you haven't broken home.
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  Speaker 2: That's tough.
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  Speaker 3: Like this decision that he's made and also that this
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  Speaker 3: other woman has made is going to impact the family
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  Speaker 3: for a long time after this. Yeah, so I really
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  Speaker 3: apologize for the fact that you had to go through that.
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  Speaker 1: And you're still going through and will for a very
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  Speaker 1: long time.
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  Speaker 3: I mean, the most obvious answer for us, or at
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  Speaker 3: least for me, is obviously, we.
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  Speaker 2: Don't condone it.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, it's such a hard one because I hear you
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  Speaker 3: on how people quotations let the other women off the hook.
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  Speaker 3: But I can understand why people say that because it
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  Speaker 3: is the man who is the one who's in the commitment,
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  Speaker 3: do you know what I mean? So, to be honest,
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  Speaker 3: like I actually agree with that to some degree because
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  Speaker 3: I'm like, well, here's the one who is loyal to
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  Speaker 3: you and has the emotional, mental, and physical commitment to you.
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  Speaker 3: He is the one who betrayed that. It doesn't mean
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  Speaker 3: that what other women are doing is okay. It doesn't
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  Speaker 3: make it okay. Doesn't mean that they get let off
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  Speaker 3: the hook. I can understand why you think they get
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  Speaker 3: let off the hook more than the men. But I think,
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  Speaker 3: to you, he was the one who betrayed you one
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  Speaker 3: hundred you know what I mean? But the other woman,
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  Speaker 3: I think it's a whole other conversation around morals, integrity,
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  Speaker 3: and the fact that people don't really honor those things
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  Speaker 3: as much anymore because people are very self led, and obviously,
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  Speaker 3: for her in that moment, that was what she wanted,
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  Speaker 3: and she said, Hey, I'm going to go get that.
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  Speaker 3: And it's really unfortunate that that happens, you know, But
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  Speaker 3: we can't control what other people do. All we can
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  Speaker 3: do is lead by example and choose who we are
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  Speaker 3: going to be and choose to set the tone for
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  Speaker 3: the people around us and for the people that we influence,
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  Speaker 3: like children or you know, nieces and nephews in our lives,
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  Speaker 3: or you know, little young children the next generations who
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  Speaker 3: look up to us, like all we can do is
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  Speaker 3: choose to lead in a different way.
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  Speaker 1: Definitely, I agree with everything you've said. I just I
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  Speaker 1: can understand how it's a very natural thing to want
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  Speaker 1: to just blame the woman and get angry at her.
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  Speaker 1: But if I'm really honest, and if I really think
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  Speaker 1: about it, I think most of my angerod be and
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  Speaker 1: my husband, my partner, because you're right, they're the ones
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  Speaker 1: that I've committed to you. That's the father of the
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  Speaker 1: child that he's hurting. She obviously has no morals and
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  Speaker 1: integrity to do that. It's clear she doesn't clare about you.
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  Speaker 1: You just know you. She doesn't give two shits. She's
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  Speaker 1: an own world caring about herself. Most people are out thereself.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah for sure. Would I ever do that? Definitely not? Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: girl code And just morally, I couldn't sleep at night.
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  Speaker 1: I feel absolutely awful. But she doesn't really care where
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  Speaker 1: is your husband? Like I just for me, that's the
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  Speaker 1: ultimate betray to go that far into I don't know
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  Speaker 1: if this is a one off fling. It sounds like
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  Speaker 1: more of an affair, which is an emotional connection. It's
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  Speaker 1: a conscious decision over and over again to see her
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  Speaker 1: speak to her, touch her, be with her.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, it's a really tough situation. And by the sounds
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  Speaker 1: of it, you have left him because it's a broken
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  Speaker 1: home now. So I'm guessing you're going through a divorce
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  Speaker 1: and the cone parenting and it's just a loe. I
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  Speaker 1: just really feel for you. I wish I had more
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  Speaker 1: advice that could take away your pain. But I can
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  Speaker 1: hear a lot of anger, and I think if I
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  Speaker 1: was ever in this situation, I would just allow my
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  Speaker 1: anger to be there, but I would also be looking
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  Speaker 1: for ways to help release the anger out of my body,
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: which we're big believers in breath work and just somatically
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  Speaker 1: like moving it through because otherwise it just sits in
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  Speaker 1: your body and it gets bigger and bigger and bigger
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  Speaker 1: if you don't talk about it and you don't breathe
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  Speaker 1: through it or even screaming into a pillow like boxing classes,
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  Speaker 1: just like finding outlets where you can move that energy.
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  Speaker 1: I know it doesn't sound like it will help, but
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  Speaker 1: it does. And if it helps for that day, amazing,
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  Speaker 1: it helps that week amazing because right now you're just
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: putting one foot in front of the other. You're not
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  Speaker 1: thinking year's time. You just have to get through each
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  Speaker 1: day and deal with this pain that you, unfortunately have
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  Speaker 1: to deal with. And then I don't know. For me too,
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  Speaker 1: I'm a big investigator. I love human psychology. I love
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  Speaker 1: understanding why people do what they do. I've always said,
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  Speaker 1: if Steve is a cheat on me, I would take
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  Speaker 1: some part responsibilities to where the relationship's broken down because
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  Speaker 1: somewhere along the line, there's a lack of needs and
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  Speaker 1: desires not being met. Yeah, and that's a lack of
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  Speaker 1: communication from both sides. And not that I'm saying this
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  Speaker 1: is not your fault all. I do not condone it,
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  Speaker 1: and I would leave Steve if you do that to
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  Speaker 1: me as well. I think you've done the right thing.
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  Speaker 1: But there's a part of me of curious curiosity, of like, Okay,
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  Speaker 1: where did this breakdown? What would happened? What made you
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  Speaker 1: drawn to her? Because I feel like when you're really
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  Speaker 1: connected with your partner, it's like tunnel vision. You don't entertain,
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  Speaker 1: you're not tempted. But in the same breath, if you're disconnected,
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  Speaker 1: you haven't been into me, you're not communicating nicely, you're
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  Speaker 1: not getting your needs met. Where humans naturally the eyes wonder, the.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: Tune of vision comes it does you start to look, You.
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  Speaker 1: Fantasize about what it might be like with someone else,
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  Speaker 1: or what would like to be on your own. Like
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  Speaker 1: I can say I've been times in my relationship. Steve
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  Speaker 1: would say the same. I'm sure we've been super disconnected,
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  Speaker 1: not a shame to say that. But then it comes
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  Speaker 1: back together and like, wow, we're not feeling good right now?
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  Speaker 1: What do we do to bring us back together? How
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  Speaker 1: are you feeling? How am I feeling? What do I
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  Speaker 1: need right now? What I needed? Your agoage compared to
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  Speaker 1: what I need now is very different. If you're not
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  Speaker 1: constantly checking in with each other and making sure that
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  Speaker 1: alignment's there, it's going to break down and some people
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  Speaker 1: leave and some people cheat, and it fucking sucks awful,
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  Speaker 1: and I feel for you. So yeah, for me, I'd
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  Speaker 1: be wanting to clear the anger and like move through that.
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  Speaker 1: It's definitely not all her fault. Both of them have
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  Speaker 1: done the wrong thing. Yeah, I would be wanting to
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  Speaker 1: have more open conversations and just focusing on my own
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  Speaker 1: healing journey now, because you don't want to be taking
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  Speaker 1: that into your next relationship either. And for you'd be
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  Speaker 1: carrying all of that anger and built up resentment every
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  Speaker 1: day in your body because you don't deserve that. You
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  Speaker 1: deserve to be happy and smile again and find joy
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  Speaker 1: in your grief of what's happened. Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Absolutely, And to add on to that, like the question
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  Speaker 3: that you said in the beginning, I don't think anyone
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  Speaker 3: is more to blame. They both equal parts made a decision,
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  Speaker 3: a just choice together to engage in that and to
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  Speaker 3: create that level of betrayal like they both did that together.
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  Speaker 3: I think both of them are equally as responsible. I
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  Speaker 3: think so too, but also pointing the finger doesn't take
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  Speaker 3: away the pain that you're going to feel, you know,
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  Speaker 3: it doesn't take the portrayal, the hurt, the anger, and
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  Speaker 3: you don't want to play devil's advocate here. I'd be
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  Speaker 3: curious to know if it feels easier to blame the
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  Speaker 3: woman than to blame him, because he is the father
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  Speaker 3: of your children, and.
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  Speaker 1: You want to believe that he didn't want to do that.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, and you want to believe that it wasn't all
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  Speaker 3: his fault and he wasn't the one to blame because somebody.
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  Speaker 1: She lured him him and she did this, and if
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  Speaker 1: she wasn't so dotrous and she was an attention seeking
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  Speaker 1: maybe he wouldn't have gone there.
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  Speaker 3: But you know, because then I don't know, I feel
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  Speaker 3: like maybe sometimes it feels like it can soften the blow,
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  Speaker 3: you know, maybe you need an outlet for your anger,
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  Speaker 3: which is this woman.
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  Speaker 2: And I get it, like I would do the same.
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  Speaker 2: I would be losing moum.
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  Speaker 3: If this happened to me. I'd be into actually fucking
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  Speaker 3: losing my mind at what their rage that I would
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  Speaker 3: be feeling.
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  Speaker 1: We would bring up all that age.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, But it's like, you know, Is that just
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: a way for you to really give yourself permission to
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: feel how you actually feel towards.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: Your ex partner?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, And I wonder if there's a party
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  Speaker 3: that's like, oh, if it wasn't so bad, is there
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  Speaker 3: any party that wants to stay or you're just like,
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  Speaker 3: if I can blame her and I don't have to
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  Speaker 3: blame him, maybe it's okay if I go back.
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  Speaker 1: For sure, I'm sure most people that aim this would
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  Speaker 1: fantasize about that to entertain that.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, entertain it, even if it's just entertaining your thoughts.
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  Speaker 3: I feel like we all do things for a reason,
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  Speaker 3: and I would be curious to know what's actually underneath
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  Speaker 3: the rage and the anger towards this woman over your partner.
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  Speaker 1: And are you shaming yourself for wanting to entertain to
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  Speaker 1: be with him again? Because no one can judge that.
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  Speaker 1: We can sit on our high horse and say I
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: wouldn't go back to my man, how is that to be?
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: But you never know? That's right.
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: We're all capable of doing everything and there's no limit
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  Speaker 3: to that, and no one will ever know unless you're
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: in that position.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So if you are considering going back to him,
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: or wanting to have conversations or work on it. Please
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  Speaker 1: don't shame yourself, because only you know how you feel.
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  Speaker 1: And there has been couples that that's happened before, and
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: they've learnt so much and come back ten times stronger.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: You know, every situation is so different, So no one
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: in your outside circle, including us, can tell you to
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: not go back if that's what you're wanting to do.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: If you did, you would have to consciously choose not
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: to throw this in his face, consciously choose to work
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: on it together and not bring the past into it,
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: because otherwise you're gonna be punishing for the rest of
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: your life and that's going to create more cracks in
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: the relationship and you're going to be resenting him, and
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: that's not going to be the love and connection that
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: you're stirring either. So it's a lot I can't even imagine,
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: like even just thinking about I'm like far out, that'd
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: be a lot to hold. Oh.
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  Speaker 3: But yeah, the first thing is like even the way
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  Speaker 3: that the message is written, and I don't blame you whatsoever,
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  Speaker 3: you can just see that there's so much anger there
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: and you've got to start on that journey, you know,
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  Speaker 3: it's like, unfortunately, this is your reality now and I'm
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: sorry that that's the case. It's like, you've got to
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: move forward with this now and okay, cool, what are
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: we going to do with that? Yeah, you know, let
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: yourself feel the anger, go get help, get a coach,
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: get a breath work facilitator, whatever it is, whatever it
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: is that you have access to, lean towards that, Lean
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: on the people in your life, lean on off for support,
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: and you'll be alright.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: And know that this healing journey that you're about to
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: go on to like, it's not linear. You don't do
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: breathwork session, go oh fuck, I feel better. That's all
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: good now, No, no, no, this is always going to come up.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: But the more that you can support yourself, fill your
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: cup up, release, let go unplug, the more joy you'll
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: be able to feel in your day to day. That's
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: grief in any sense, it really is. Both can coexist,
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: but you can work towards feeling more of the light
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: rather than the darkness. Absolutely sending you so much love,
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: so much love, Thank you for being so honest, Thank
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: you for sharing this. And if you ever need a chat,
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: We're on Instagram. Yeah I can I give us an update.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: We're here for you.
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: Absolutely and honestly this will one day maybe not now,
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: maybe not in the future, but long, long, long in
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: the future. This will be something you look back on
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: and go, wow, that was my biggest growth.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: This changed me, Yes, change me for the better, for
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: the better.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, sending your love. Thanks for sharing. We'll see you
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: guys in the next episode.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: I