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MOVE: A Simple Process for Difficult Emotions With Carly Taylor · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Everyone. It's Carlie Taylor here for this week's Mojo Monday.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: So I know from personal experience and from working with
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: my clients, is that we can really think our way
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: out of how we feel. In fact, the more we
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: try and change how we feel through thinking, the worst
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: we can often feel because we end up feeding the
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: emotion by giving it more and more attention. So what
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  Speaker 1: happens is the mind ends up getting louder and the
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: feelings get more intense, and then we stay stuck in
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: this cycle. And what we want to do is break
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  Speaker 1: that cycle before we spiral down the emotional vortex. And
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  Speaker 1: I had a bit of a moment of creativity the
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  Speaker 1: other day and I came up with a simple acronym
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  Speaker 1: that you can use when you are struggling emotionally. So
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  Speaker 1: it's a bit of a process and it's quite easy
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  Speaker 1: to remember, and it's move So MV so M is
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  Speaker 1: for make room for the feelings or make room for
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  Speaker 1: the emotions. So these emotions or feelings are part of
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  Speaker 1: you right now. There a response to something difficult in
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  Speaker 1: your life that's going on, and that is why they're here.
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  Speaker 1: And the body is doing what bodies do. So even
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  Speaker 1: if your mind is telling you you shouldn't feel this way.
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  Speaker 1: That commentary isn't very helpful because the reality is you
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  Speaker 1: do feel this way. And so this is where true
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  Speaker 1: self compassion comes in. So rather than fighting the feeling
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  Speaker 1: or trying to push it away, which is kind of
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  Speaker 1: what we automatically want to do, see if you can
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  Speaker 1: make room for it. And I often describe it like
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: an unwanted guest turning up at your house, like you
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  Speaker 1: don't have to like that they've just rocked up, but
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  Speaker 1: you can invite them in, allow them to sit on
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  Speaker 1: the couch, offer them a cup of tea, and just
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: have them be there until eventually they leave. So you're
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: accepting that for just for a while, you're feeling a
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: bit uncomfortable, a bit maybe irritated, but you know it's
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  Speaker 1: not forever. So that is about making room for the
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  Speaker 1: feeling rather than fighting the feeling. And then O is
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  Speaker 1: for observe your thinking. So this is what psychologists call metacognition,
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  Speaker 1: and it is been an absolute game changer for me
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  Speaker 1: over the years. So there's you, the observer or the
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  Speaker 1: noticer of your thoughts, and then there are your thoughts.
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  Speaker 1: So they're two different things. So when strong emotions show up,
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  Speaker 1: our minds naturally jump in and try and make sense
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  Speaker 1: of them. It's like, why am I feeling like this?
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  Speaker 1: And sometimes that's really useful, but often it's not, because
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  Speaker 1: the mind will do what it's designed to do and
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  Speaker 1: spin a story around the feeling. And that story might be, oh, well,
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  Speaker 1: I'm not good enough, or just give up, or you
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  Speaker 1: can't enjoy your life until you feel better, or there
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: must be something wrong with you. And from an ACT
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  Speaker 1: which stands for acceptance, commitment therapy. From an ACT perspective,
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  Speaker 1: we don't debate. We don't argue with these thoughts or
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  Speaker 1: try and prove them wrong or find evidence behind them.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: We don't need to debate that. What we simply do
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  Speaker 1: is ask the question is this thought helpful? If it's
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  Speaker 1: not helpful, then we don't stay stuck on that thought.
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  Speaker 1: We allow it to come and go and it's own
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  Speaker 1: good time, and then shift our attention to our values.
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  Speaker 1: So this is the V is for values driven action.
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  Speaker 1: So I've made room for how I feel, and I'm
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  Speaker 1: noticing the thoughts and being new observer of my thoughts
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  Speaker 1: rather than getting tangled up into them. And then the
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  Speaker 1: next question becomes what can I do right now that's
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  Speaker 1: aligned with what matters to me, like what is important
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  Speaker 1: to me, not what will make me feel better or
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  Speaker 1: what will make these feelings disappear, because that's kind of
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: part of the struggle, but what reflects the person that
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  Speaker 1: I want to be. And if you are clear on
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: even a few things in your life, and they can
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  Speaker 1: be really small that really matter to you, then they
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  Speaker 1: become bigger than how you feel, and then you can
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  Speaker 1: turn your attention to those things, and then that brings
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  Speaker 1: me to the e, which is engage in what matters.
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  Speaker 1: So some people will find cleaning up the house is
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  Speaker 1: really effective when strong emotions are around, and that is
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  Speaker 1: such a productive thing to do. Or maybe catch up
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  Speaker 1: for lunch or coffee with a friend and you don't
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  Speaker 1: even have to focus on your struggles with your friendship.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: With the conversation that you're having, you can enjoy the company,
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  Speaker 1: have meaningful conversations and really connect. There are so many
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  Speaker 1: things that we can do that really matter, and we
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  Speaker 1: can do those things even when we're experiencing intense emotions.
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  Speaker 1: And what I like about the move process is that
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  Speaker 1: it reminds us of something really important. We can't think
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  Speaker 1: our way out of feeling, and we definitely can't think
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  Speaker 1: our way out of overthinking. At some point, we have
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  Speaker 1: to move, we have to act, we have to do
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  Speaker 1: what's important, and that might mean taking how we feel
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  Speaker 1: along with us, almost like a little suitcase by our side.
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  Speaker 1: We're just dragging it along with us. The feeling is
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  Speaker 1: still there, but it's no longer running the show, and
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  Speaker 1: our attention is back on our life rather than that
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  Speaker 1: internal whirlwin. And while the goal is not to feel better,
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: very often that's what happens, it kind of happens by default.
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  Speaker 1: So that's my offering to you this week. You can
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  Speaker 1: try out my little acronym move. So M is make
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: room for the feeling. OH is observe your thinking, the
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: values driven action, what is important to you, what matters.
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  Speaker 1: And then E is engage with what matters. So try
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  Speaker 1: that out if you are struggling on next time, you're
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: really struggling with strong emotions, because I'm sure you will
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  Speaker 1: at some stage because we all do. And I hope
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  Speaker 1: that helps. Thank you so much for listening, and I
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  Speaker 1: will catch you next week. See you