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How to Achieve Emotional Safety Through Healthy boundaries · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

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  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is produced by my friends at WalkWest.
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  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
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  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
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  SPEAKER_01: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
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  SPEAKER_01: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Hi there and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
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  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend with me.
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  SPEAKER_00: And today we are talking about something that's actually really important to me, which is the idea of emotional safety and just feeling safe in relationships.
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  SPEAKER_00: And today we're going to be talking about it as it relates to boundaries.
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  SPEAKER_00: Emotional safety is honestly the cornerstone of a healthy relationship.
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  SPEAKER_00: People will, you know, when we're in a relationship, we want to feel loved and respected and protected.
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  SPEAKER_00: But it's really difficult to have that if we don't feel like we are emotionally safe in a relationship.
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  SPEAKER_00: Also, emotional safety allows us to be who we are without feeling like we have to mask or be a different version of ourselves.
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  SPEAKER_00: Feeling safe in a relationship means that you do have the freedom to be that authentic person that you are without this constant fear of either being rejected, abandoned, judged.
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  SPEAKER_00: In those emotionally safe relationships, you fully feel seen and heard and understood.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's I'm not saying that in an emotionally safe relationship, there aren't moments of conflict.
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  SPEAKER_00: That's not it at all.
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  SPEAKER_00: But overall, there is this feeling of safety where you don't have to walk on eggshells.
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  SPEAKER_00: And when we have these really deep emotional bonds with somebody, having that sense of emotional safety is absolutely vital.
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  SPEAKER_00: Because in a safe relationship, we are able to feel open, we're able to feel vulnerable when we need to be, and we're able to actually truly express who we are.
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  SPEAKER_00: And when we're able to do all of those things, that actually contributes to building our self-esteem.
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  SPEAKER_00: It builds to contributing to a higher self of level of self-confidence and overall just self-acceptance.
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  SPEAKER_00: Emotionally safe relationships help us in an in can maintain an emotionally healthy perspective.
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  SPEAKER_00: On the contrary, when we are in a relationship where we don't feel that safety and there's this insecurity, more often than not, people will report feeling inadequate or disrespected or feeling like they have to walk in eggshells, which leads them to constantly feel like they're on the defense.
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  SPEAKER_00: And those things can absolutely detract from your self-esteem and how you see yourself and even talk to yourself.
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  SPEAKER_00: As humans, we do, we are hardwired as relational beings, we're hardwired to look for that social connection.
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  SPEAKER_00: If we don't feel safe in our relationships, though, we could absolutely feel stressed and overwhelmed.
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  SPEAKER_00: So what causes feelings of insecurity in a relationship?
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  SPEAKER_00: The truth is sometimes we come into the relationship already insecure because we've had past hurts that haven't been healed.
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  SPEAKER_00: And that can actually bring us into a relationship already questioning your self-worth, or you might be questioning your partner's feelings about you, or just the future of the relationship.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, for example, if you've been cheated on in the past, it could continue to affect without working through that, it could continue to affect future relationships where it's very difficult to create that safety.
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  SPEAKER_00: Then there's also toxic relationships or relationships with narcissists where you are left feeling insecure or controlled, or there's these feelings of worthlessness, powerlessness when you have when you don't have your own voice in the relationship.
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  SPEAKER_00: And those things absolutely can leave you feeling void of any type of emotional safety.
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  SPEAKER_00: And when you don't feel emotionally safe, the relationship eventually starts to fall apart because you can't be your true self.
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  SPEAKER_00: And when when we think about how does this correlate to boundaries, well, when we don't have good boundaries, what ends up happening is we um aren't able to communicate what's okay and what's not okay.
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  SPEAKER_00: Brene Brown actually says we can't connect with someone until we're clear where we end and they begin.
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  SPEAKER_00: She believes that compassion and empathy are necessary or they net necessitate boundaries.
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  SPEAKER_00: When you have fluid or no boundaries, I call them porous boundaries.
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  SPEAKER_00: So porous boundaries or no boundaries, you really struggle with saying no, for instance, or really struggle with stating what your needs are and holding others accountable for hearing those, which could lead to them mistreating you or taking advantage of you.
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  SPEAKER_00: Good boundaries are vital for us to feel safe in our relationships.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, for instance, if we are in an emotionally safe relationship, the ability to set healthy boundaries around things like our physical space, our mental space, our emotional space, sexual boundaries, financial boundaries, time boundaries, all of those can help determine whether or not there's true emotional safety in your relationship.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you have those good boundaries, you're able to be honest with your partner and or with whomever that that relationship is with.
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  SPEAKER_00: And that allows you to communicate your feelings and your needs and your expectations.
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  SPEAKER_00: Because when we have expectations that are unspoken, most often that leads to frustration and eventually resentment.
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  SPEAKER_00: So when we're clearly able to communicate those things, we're actually creating more safety between us and the person that we're in a relationship with.
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  SPEAKER_00: Boundaries are a way that we actually promote growth because again, when we're saying what's okay and what's not okay, the other person isn't left to guess.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so our partners actually will feel safe with us, or whomever, again, even if this is a relationship in the workplace that we're trying to create emotional safety with, again, your coworkers not guessing what's okay and what's not okay.
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  SPEAKER_00: And boundaries, again, I've talked about this before, but they're absolutely a way to practice self-care because when you are setting boundaries, you are honoring who you are.
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  SPEAKER_00: You're honoring what's okay for you and what is not okay for you.
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  SPEAKER_00: And that's a very selfful act.
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  SPEAKER_00: When you're doing those things, it allows you to feel really complete and whole from the inside out, which actually then goes to to create these healthier relationships with others, which means others will also benefit from you setting those boundaries.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, how do you start it?
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  SPEAKER_00: I've said before, when we start setting boundaries when we haven't had them before, it can feel very um icky, it can feel nerve-wracking, but it's really important if your goal and intention is to have emotionally safe relationships, learning to set boundaries is definitely important.
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  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it is helpful to talk to a coach or somebody that you feel very supported by to help you figure out what those boundaries are that would be beneficial to you.
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  SPEAKER_00: And again, there are different there are different categories of boundaries, and really going through and figuring out what's okay for me and what's not okay for me is is extraordinarily important.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: If you'd like to talk with me about this or anything else, feel free to book a time with me anytime at chatwithcomedy.com.
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  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, stay well.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, live joy your way.
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  SPEAKER_01: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
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  SPEAKER_01: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
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  SPEAKER_01: Username it's authentic me.
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  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening.