Latest / All The Light She Found / What If Wanting More Means You Love Your Life?
Transcript
- kelly: Well, hello my friends and welcome back. I'm so glad you're here with me. My name is Kelly McGurk, and I am your host of All the Light She Found. I hope this week has been good to you and that you've been seeing little sparks of good things everywhere you go. Today's episode came out of a few conversations, but one in particular. Today's central idea, guys, is around the fact that what if wanting more isn't a sign that our life is missing something, but rather what if instead it's an expression of how much we actually love living it? Today's conversation is going to be about ambition, gratitude, curiosity, aging, possibility, and the strange experience of having a beautiful life. while still constantly wondering what's next. So if you've been listening, I did an episode about what if Dululu is the Sululu. And in that I was talking about creating a list of like, well I called it your Dululu list, but a list of things that you would love to do or dream of, or like like a really ambitious list of what you want in life. And I was having this conversation recently. And this person said, What's on your list? And I literally was like, I have no idea. And it's like so funny because I'm the one that's sitting here creating these conversations about, you know, what's next? Dream big, you know, step outside of your box. And I'm like, okay, where am I gonna step outside of my box? And I'm not sure. The whole idea, obviously, was to dream without limitations and to imagine what you want before anyone gets to tell you why it's not possible. Right. And and when I thought about mine, I was like, okay, what am I what is mine? So I mentally started running through everything that I already experienced. Cause I've had a really, really great, beautiful. big life. I've loved my life and in even in hard seasons, like I've loved my life. And I have been ridiculously fortunate to have such amazing experiences and traveling the world and first class amenities and traveling with sports teams on their planes and meeting you know, NBA and MLB players and you know, helping my husband host president's clubs and just getting to share in people's successes. And then of course, like running two successful businesses myself and having so many amazing people come through those that I've got to mentor and teach and work alongside of. And not to mention my amazing clients who, you know, make life so awesome. So It's just been when I started thinking about okay, what would I want? Like I've had beautiful family and beautiful friends. And I mean, like I sit there and go, okay, what is it? Like, what's the next big thing? And don't know, like it's so hard now to like think about that. it kept sticking in my head after I left that conversation. Like, what is mine? Like, you know, I talk about the people in my office or friends that are, you know, looking at next chapters. And recently I've had, you know, the privilege of sitting with my daughter and her best friends that have grown up with me and, you know, hearing about the challenges in their life and, you know, they're in their young 30s and how they're, you know, managing adversity and how they're dreaming and what they want next. Cause they have so many things left. You know, they have Are they gonna have kids? And and some of them are still deciding who they're gonna marry and and managing marriages. And so it just it was kind of so reflective to to have these beautiful conversations with the kids and remember being that person, you know, at 30. And now I'm 56. And after experiencing significant losses in my life of my biggest cheerleaders. experiencing new relationship, new adventures, and like a completely different chapter that I never would have thought about. and now it's like happening, and I I often see this reel on Instagram or a version of it that says, you know, last year's September. me would not have any idea what this year's September me is living. And that's so true. Like on so many levels. It's so true. And and so that's kind of exciting because it's like I'm still like, what's next? What's bigger? What haven't I tried? And I and I asked the question of myself, how can I be this ridiculously happy with my life and still be so hungry for more? And I started questioning like Is that good or is that bad? Like, is that something that is like this relentless search for more? But then I started thinking, no, it's because I've loved it. I've loved seeing other countries and meeting people from other places and sharing amazing experiences with my friends and family. And and so I'm kind of thinking now. do we even recognize sometimes when we've arrived, you know? And what does arriving actually mean? Like when I was younger and I dreamed of owning a business, and then it becomes emails and scheduling and payroll, you know? And I loved all of it, but I'm just saying, like, then you're living it. Or, you know, when your relationship goes from being exciting and amazing to, you know. Grocery shopping and deciding what's for dinner. That doesn't mean it's not still amazing. It just means it becomes a little bit more ordinary instead of extraordinary. You know, where your dream home becomes a place where your dishwasher breaks or your washer breaks. And suddenly what was really extraordinary exciting is just a normal Tuesday. And it's kind of interesting think about because we tend to adjust to changes in our circumstances, even the positive ones, pretty quickly. So the excitement of something new often softens or becomes very familiar quickly. And that doesn't mean we stop appreciating it, but it means our emotional response changes a little bit to it. Just because something has become normal doesn't mean it stops being extraordinary. And I think that's what I'm looking for in my life right now. Like, how many things in my life today were once things that I hoped would happen? And have I gotten so used to some of my dreams that I've forgotten they were dreams at one time? And would my younger self think if she could see an ordinary Tuesday in my life right now, that she would think, what's more, what's more, would she be like, whoa, like, girl, you did it, you know? And it's kind of funny because I realized that somewhere along the way, the life I was hoping for became the life I was living. And I forgot to notice sometimes. So I think When we're constantly being told to slow down, be in the present, be grateful, stop chasing, appreciate what we have, which of course there's value in that. Absolutely. You know, gratitude is, man, that's everything. But what if wanting more isn't automatically a problem? What if it's not something that's quote missing? Just curiosity and wanting to feel alive. And what if having something to look forward to is one of the things that I genuinely love about living? I think there's two different kinds of hunger when I think about this. I think there's one that says, My life isn't enough. I'm not enough. I need the next accomplishment to feel okay. And this one can leave us feeling as though the finish line keeps moving away from us. But like, what if it's a hunger from possibility instead of a hunger from scarcity? What if it's, my God, this life is incredible? What else is possible? This kind of wanting can come from curiosity, enthusiasm, and like a genuine love of experiencing life. I think I've always had that, to be honest. literally please don't think that this is like too much because it's true about myself. I literally wake up and I've been doing this for 30 years. And it's not every day, because please, like, you know, there's been some tough seasons, my word. But For the most part, I would say 80% of my life, I woke up every morning and said, my God, I'm so grateful to be here. Like, thank you for giving me another day. And being just excited to be a part of it. You know? Like that's truthfully my personality. So I'm just thinking like some days we chase something because we're excited, but other days we might chase because. Sitting still could feel uncomfortable. And I don't think, just like one of my other episodes, I don't think we need to diagnose ourselves every time we want something different or we we're interested in trying something new. but I think the question I'm asking myself, and I'm gonna try to keep this in mind for me when I talk about what's my delulu list is am I chasing a life or am I celebrating one? Because I hope that I'm celebrating. And I'm thinking that I'm definitely can be content without being finished. I think sometimes we treat contentment and ambition as opposites. And I don't think they are. It's like as though being grateful means we should stop wanting things. I can love my relationship and still want new experiences, right? We can love our careers and still wonder what else I might enjoy doing. You know, like if I was doing it over, what might I want to do? I can love being a mom and still have dreams that belong entirely to me and have nothing to do with being a mom. And I can love my life and I can still want more. And two things can be true. Contentment isn't the absence of desire. I think maybe it's the ability to want something without making your current life wrong. I don't need my life to be different to love it, but I don't need to stop dreaming to appreciate it either. Like have you ever felt guilty for wanting something more because you thought you should just be grateful for what you already have? I don't know. What happens when you've already done so much? And you still crave something bigger, something more. So I don't as I'm reflecting on the conversation that I had, I don't think the reason I couldn't answer was that I'm out of dreams. I think maybe I was looking more at like milestones that I had completed, like Because I'd already accomplished so many of the things that I dreamed about or ambitions that I have. And so, like, what does dreaming even look like now in this season at 56, you know, versus what it does in the 30s, you know? And instead of asking myself, what else do I want to acquire or accomplish? I'm thinking about what do I want to experience that I've never experienced? What would I love to learn if I'm even if I'm absolutely terrible at it? What would I love to learn? What adventure would I love to share with the important people in my life? What would I do if there was no accomplishment waiting at the end? These are the things that I'm thinking about. What would I dream about if I didn't need to have anything to show forward afterward? Which is totally different than I think maybe before. Like maybe before it was about diplomas and making money and business opportunities, and you know, so much of it was about what's our next step? What's the next thing? So I think about all the things that I've experienced. That I couldn't even have possibly imagined in my twenties. The people that I hadn't met yet, the places that I hadn't seen in the world, the opportunities that I've had that I didn't even know existed. Love that I didn't know was possible. There were beautiful things ahead of me that I couldn't have put on a dream list because I didn't even know what they were at that time. And maybe that's still a little bit true today. Maybe I don't have to know exactly what's next. Because there's gotta be experiences ahead that that I haven't imagined yet. And versions of myself that I haven't met, even in this later season. I just what I do know for sure. Is there's no promises that everything ahead's gonna be wonderful, right? I mean, life doesn't work that way. And it's so funny because I don't know if you guys remember, but there's the episode on life keeps lifing, and the kids were just saying that at dinner, like to to each other, like, man, why does life keep lifing so hard? Like, when do we get like a break from life life? And it just cracked me up because I hadn't heard that podcast and I was like Well, I can promise you it doesn't stop. So, you know, put your seatbelts on. There's a lot of great and there's a lot of difficulty. So I'm thinking now that maybe my next dreams just haven't introduced themselves yet. So I'm gonna keep thinking there's way cool stuff ahead that I need to be excited for. I think when we reach a certain point in life, we become very aware of how much we've already lived. And obviously, part of my podcast is losing people that we've loved. And I've experienced how quickly life can change. And perhaps I think that's changed a lot of how I think about what's next. I think some of the hunger for adventure isn't about needing a bigger life. It's about understanding how precious time is and not in a gross way, like in a way that says I'm here, I'm alive, and I want to experience as much as I can. So these are the questions maybe we can sit with is what would I do if I stopped waiting for the perfect time? is is there something that I'm postponing because I assume there will always be another opportunity? What am I already experiencing right now that I might someday wish I could revisit? I don't know. I just know I don't want to stop dreaming and I don't want to stop craving the feeling of being alive and the feeling of connection and the knowledge that I'm in control of that. And so that's kind of where I thought this week's episode. could go is just that maybe what if wanting more isn't a rejection of the beautiful life I've had, but an expression of how much I have loved living it. So, guys, I guess I would challenge you to think about maybe what your dreams are. And if you're stuck on answering because you're reflecting on a beautiful life, yay. And if you're thinking, shouldn't I be grateful for what I already have? Sure. But life isn't something that's packaged with an amount that we're allowed to live, right? Like do all the things. I'm just hoping for you. that you can open your mind and hopefully you want to experience what's next and think about yourself a year or two or three years ago and what's changed for you and what you wouldn't have thought would have happened in your life, good and bad, right? And how that's shifted who you are and how you're thinking about what's next for you and how you're looking at your life. Like instead of saying, hey, I've arrived, no, I've got, you know, hopefully I got 20 good years left. Right. And what do I want to pack into that and how do I want to live my life? So this week, I hope you have some great thoughts about what's next and you see some light every single day. And thanks for staying with me through this today. I'm Kelly and this is all the light she found.