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Transcript

Honour Your Changing Availability · #BeMoreLobster

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Do you keep doing something because it used to work, even though it no longer feels right or doesn't serve you?
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps you're feeling drained by something that used to energize you.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps you feel resistance to a routine or a commitment that you used to enjoy.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Or perhaps you're longing for something new, but you feel guilty about letting go of something else.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: I totally get it.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's all about understanding as we travel through the seasons and cycles of life that some things just don't work for us anymore, or some things just don't belong to us anymore.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not that they never will, it's just that it's for a not for now.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: So grab yourself a cupper and let's go into the conversation about knowing what you need.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: As we travel through the seasons of cycles of life, it's very easy to get into a routine.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: But when you start to notice that things that used to be easy now feel a lot harder, or things that used to feel good now really don't, are you somebody who just keeps going?
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Are you somebody that's going to sit back and start to question actually, what do I need?
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: And also what do you have the availability for?
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm noticing this a lot as I go through perimenopause, particularly with things like exercise.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Exercise I used to love, I'm finding really difficult because the aches and pains are real.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, my sleep has changed a lot, my moods have changed a lot.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have the mental capacity like I used to.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: I certainly don't have the energetic availability.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: I get very dysregulated very quickly with my nervous system, my emotions.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I haven't to navigate that.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: But for a while, I kept trying to push through.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then I was getting into full-on self-judgment because I was like, well, why am I like this?
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I so miserable?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I so tired?
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Why can't I work out?
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Why do I want all the sweet stuff?
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I just started having a conversation with myself about the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual availability.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I want to share with you today.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about the natural shifts in what we need across the seasons of our life.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: It makes sense, doesn't it, that as we evolve, as we journey through our life, as things happen, as you know, we get older, or as we become parents, or as we lose parents, or all these different things in our life, I want you to kind of imagine we've got like this, you know, like on the old stereos where you had like your treble and your base and whatever the other ones were, and you had all the different knobs and buttons that used to slide up and down.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's kind of like indicative of our availability.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we might be all there emotionally, like we feel emotionally charged, but we don't have the physical capability or availability.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we can be all there physically, but emotionally we feel like we're we're we're done, we're we're at an end.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I think what we're trained to do is we're trained to troop on through.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: We're trained to take a supplement or get a little bit more sleep, or we're just trained to suck it up.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I am so over that story.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's destructive.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think it comes from a place of self-love and compassion.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: But what I have noticed for myself is that I have to really be aware of is this limitation because of something that I'm not doing?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll give you an example.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm feeling physically drained, is it because I didn't manage my sleep very well?
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Is it because I haven't eaten very well?
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Is it because I had too many glasses of wine the night before?
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: There's got to be a sense of honesty around there.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes you're just not going to have the physical availability.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: If you've been through a really tough or you're still going through a tough emotional time, um your your emotional availability is going to be much lower than it may than it may have been a year or so ago.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want you to kind of think about yourself as having these different batteries, and they're not all going to be fully charged all the time.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: You have got some um some patterns of behavior and things that you can do to keep yourself fueled, but we've also just got to know that there are things we're also being impacted by the moon, we're impacting by our cycles of life, we're impacted by what's going on around us in the world.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's this kind of like this ebb and flow, it's this pulsating, living, breathing thing that I want you to start to tap into.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: We often, I think, like I say, tend to ignore these changes and this kind of availability because number one, we don't really know what's happening.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: So we just think it's us and there's something wrong with us, and we just need to, like I say, we need to buckle down or buckle up.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: Think also it's out of habit.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Well, if I'm not doing this, what am I going to do instead?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's a lot of external expectation, a lot of pressure.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: And we don't want to feel like a failure.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want to feel like we can't keep keep juggling all the balls.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want to feel like we're stepping back.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want to feel like we're lazy.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: And we certainly don't want to feel like, you know, we are mediocre or that we are doing less than somebody else.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: So it's there's all these other external things that are going on that make this sort of transition or make these awareness quite hard to do.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: So let's go back to those questions that we sort of said at the beginning in the intro.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Having a look and being aware of when you're doing something that used to really energize you and now it drains you.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: I share with you that for me, that's spending a lot of time online.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: I used to do a lot of stuff online for my businesses.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: I used to do a lot of networking.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I used to, I was creating a lot.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: I that just doesn't energize me anymore.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm starting to move into something different.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: Resisting routines or commitments that you once enjoyed.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and again, sometimes it's just, it's just not for you anymore.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: You are not the same person today that you were yesterday, yet alone six months ago or a year ago.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, there is an element where we can say, do I need to coach myself through this?
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about this in one of the last episodes.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Or is this a time when you have to tap in to that inner wisdom and ask yourself what you really need?
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: The other thing about longing for something new but feeling guilty about it.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: I have a lot of conversations with people where there's a fear about stepping into the into the new.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: So we're going back to the liminal spaces that we talked about in a previous episode.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want this, but I don't know what I want.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: So they stay in the I they stay in the I don't want this because they feel like they can't get out of that until they know where they're going.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: But you've got that beautiful liminal space in between.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: The other thing as well is like if that other thing is is associated with somebody.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: So if there was a hobby that you did with a friend or a partner, if it's a job or a business that you used to have and you were doing quite well and you just don't want to do it anymore because you want to go get a homestead, that's me.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and you know, maybe you want to earn less money.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like there are so many uh variations that can make this change very challenging to admit to and then to go after.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: So when we're in these spaces, I think the first thing is just raising awareness of noticing where you're starting to resist, where it's where things are going to be, where they're coming becoming too hard, where you are feeling robbed of joy, where you are feeling closed down instead of expanding.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Pay attention to what feels nourishing to you versus depleting, what and who energizes you, where are you your happiest?
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: What are the days that make it easier to get out of bed?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on for you with those?
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then what's the opposite?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Where are you?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Where are the days where you're like, I just don't want to do this today?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Who are the people?
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: What are the experiences that are making you feel like, oh, I'm just going through the motions because life is so short.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the thing, nourishing versus depleting.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself what it looks like, perhaps, to let go of routines and relationships or commitments that no longer fit.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: So as I traversed my liminal space, and I feel like this has been a really long one, um, what I did for a while is I had no routines whatsoever.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying that this is a good long-term strategy because I don't personally think it is.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: But because I've been so structured for so long, the challenge that I had for myself was if I want to feel more energized, what am I willing to try?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: If I want to feel more connected to my life, what am I willing to let go of?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: And what am I willing to let lean into?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: I felt so exhausted all of the time.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: I think it was a combination of my hormones.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: I think I was suffering, like I said, with PTSD, with losing my dad.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: I felt a little bit lost in my business.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: All these things were making me tired.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it was a lot easier to sleep than it was to try and figure them out.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: When I stepped into the liminal space and started thinking about what do I want to put in the liminal space, if what I put in is what I get out, that really shifted things for me, me.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I had to look at what are the routines that I can do to energize myself, as well as who are the people, what are the thoughts, what are the behaviors, what are the things that I can do every day in my life that make me feel energized.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: And along with that, there are still some things that I don't particularly want to do.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: I don't particularly want to work out, but I do it.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: But what I will do now is I will listen to my body.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I might say, sometimes you choose something that feels better.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: It might not be on my list, but it's like it's that or nothing.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I give myself permission to do that.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: And please give yourself the chance and the compassion and the space and grace to experiment with small changes instead of feeling pressurized to overhaul everything in one go.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think this is a problem that we so many of us get into.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: And again, it kind of speaks to the liminal spaces whereby we are like, I don't want to be here, I want to be at the other side, I want to feel better, I want to know where I'm going, I want to know what I'm doing.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: And we tend to kind of want to do everything.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's when people go on a you know a healthy regime and they like cut out the carbs and they start working out and they do the 10,000 steps and they take all the vitamins and da-da-da.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness, overwhelming.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself permission to just make tiny changes, start doing one more thing that brings you joy.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Take off one thing in your list that you don't like doing anymore, be willing to just um, you know, go by trial and error.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: And again, tapping into that sympathetic intuition, that wisdom that says, Yeah, this fit, this feels good.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: I like this, or no, this doesn't, let's leave this for a while.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: But I think want you to think about the bandwidth that you've got available.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to think about what else you've got on your plates.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you have got a very, very busy lifestyle, your mental bandwidth with all the thinking that you have to do is probably gonna be very low.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Let's not add more thinking stuff on.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: If you're running around doing a job and looking after children and then do it, trying to do your workouts and all that kind of stuff, your physical bandwidth is going to be reduced.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: So we want to have a look at what bandwidth do I have, and for goodness sake, please talk to your nearest and dearest.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: My husband now knows when I'm at capacity and he's like, Do you think you should go to bed?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: You know, um, because I just I started to get really angry and really antsy because I didn't understand what was going on.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: And now I know like I can tolerate so many people, I can tolerate so much noise, I can tolerate so much light, I can tolerate so much TV, things like that.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to think about tapping into the bandwidth, understanding your availability mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, know that it's this ebb and flow.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's not static.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: It could be different one day to the next, it could be different one hour to the next, depending on the season of life that you're in.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: The more that you resist this, the harder it is to tap into your availability and to amplify the availability that you have.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because anytime you've got resistance, we're making things harder for ourselves.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to think about this is just an evolution.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's an evolution of where you are in the season of your life.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's an up an opportunity to tap into knowing yourself and trusting yourself at a whole bigger level.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: It isn't your job to resist it.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's your job to listen to it, it's your job to lean into it, it's your job to just trust yourself.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Again, you're gonna hear me talking about trust over and over again.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because I have to say it's been the biggest test to myself to drop out of my head and and leave behind this alpha female identity that I had and get into a space of more softness and more self-compassion and more self-awareness and doing things because it feels good to me, not because it looks shiny on Instagram.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to notice for yourself on the back end of this conversation, like notice in your life where you might be holding on to things that don't serve you.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Where are you doing things out of duty?
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Where are you doing things out of expectation?
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: What do you just what do you want to just stop doing?
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: What do you what's gonna what's gonna make a difference in your life?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: What will serve you?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: How can you make that the smallest shift possible so that you can start creating and living the life that you want?
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: This was just a tiny little tap into availability and bandwidth.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: I hope it's been enough just to wet your whistle.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: If you like this conversation, please do make sure that you subscribe to the podcast.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: Please do share it with your friends.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to get these conversations out to as many women as possible.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I will speak to you again in the next podcast episode.