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The New Adventures of Nero Wolfe - "The Slaughtered Santas" (1950) · Old Time Mystery Radio | Old Time Radio

0:00
Speaker 1: Two days before Christmas, attacks on New York sidewalk Santas
0:04
Speaker 1: bring wealthy, eccentric Barton to Nero Wolfe, fearing another public
0:08
Speaker 1: appearance may place him in danger. From NBC, this is
0:13
Speaker 1: episode 10 of The New Adventures of Nero Wolfe, The
0:16
Speaker 1: Slaughtered Santas, originally broadcast December 22, 1950. Sidney Greenstreet stars
0:23
Speaker 1: as Wolf, with Lawrence Dobkin as Archie Goodwin, and Bill
0:28
Speaker 1: Johnstone as Inspector Kramer. As Archie handles the legwork, Wolf
0:33
Speaker 1: must learn why these holiday fundraisers are being singled out.
0:37
Speaker 1: Here is the original broadcast.
0:41
Speaker 2: Ladies and gentlemen, the ringing of that phone bell means mystery, adventure.
0:47
Speaker 3: Nero Wolf's office, Archie Goodwin speaking. Yes? Yes, I know
0:53
Speaker 3: that in 48 hours it's going to be Christmas, but...
0:56
Speaker 3: Who is this?
0:58
Speaker 4: Who?
1:00
Speaker 3: Look, I'm a big boy now, so... Okay. Tonight at 8. Goodbye.
1:07
Speaker 4: What the devil was that?
1:09
Speaker 3: This may come as a shock to you, Mr. Wolfe,
1:11
Speaker 3: but that was Santa Claus.
1:12
Speaker 4: You've been drinking?
1:13
Speaker 3: Uh-huh. The usual.
1:15
Speaker 5: Milk.
1:16
Speaker 3: He's coming to see you at eight. He's got a problem. Indeed.
1:19
Speaker 3: It seems that some low, not to mention murderous character
1:22
Speaker 3: is going around slaughtering Santa Claus. Oh!
1:43
Speaker 2: Ladies and gentlemen, it's the bulkiest, balkiest, smartest, and most
1:48
Speaker 2: unpredictable detective in the world, that chair-born genius, Nero Wolfe,
1:53
Speaker 2: created by Rex Stout and brought to you in a
1:55
Speaker 2: new series of adventures over this NBC network in the
1:58
Speaker 2: person of Mr.
2:00
Speaker 3: Sidney Greenstreet.
2:13
Speaker 3: It began earlier than eight, however, the case of the
2:16
Speaker 3: slaughtered Santas. It began to be precise on the corner
2:19
Speaker 3: of 34th Street and Carlisle. The hour was close to six,
2:22
Speaker 3: the weather cold, the sky dark.
2:27
Speaker 6: How you doing, Santa?
2:29
Speaker 7: I'm freezing to death, officer.
2:31
Speaker 6: It's a cold day. You packing up?
2:34
Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess so.
2:35
Speaker 8: Not many people around anymore.
2:36
Speaker 6: Oh, heading for home and dinner. How was the collection?
2:41
Speaker 8: Well, I don't need no armored car, but a few
2:44
Speaker 8: dozen kids are going to have something for their Christmas stockings.
2:47
Speaker 6: You're a competition. The guy in the opposite corner is
2:50
Speaker 6: already screaming.
2:51
Speaker 8: Probably got low blood pressure. Yeah, give me a hand
2:54
Speaker 8: to get the collection part off the chains, eh?
2:56
Speaker 6: Sure, there you go.
2:59
Speaker 8: Yeah, thanks.
2:59
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'll just walk you down the block. Got a
3:01
Speaker 6: phone in.
3:02
Speaker 4: Okay, fine.
3:05
Speaker 6: One Santa still left. Wonder what he's waiting for.
3:08
Speaker 3: Santa Claus.
3:10
Speaker 6: Well, watch yourself going down those chimneys tonight, eh?
3:12
Speaker 8: Sure, sure.
3:13
Speaker 3: Well, I'll cut across the avenue here. Be seeing you.
3:17
Speaker 4: Hey, that car coming down the street.
3:19
Speaker 3: And it's lights out.
3:20
Speaker 7: Look out!
3:20
Speaker 4: Hey, Peg.
3:21
Speaker 3: Huh?
3:35
Speaker 7: Did I ever tell you I love you? Oh, it's
3:36
Speaker 7: not me you love.
3:37
Speaker 9: It's a hot soup.
3:39
Speaker 7: Ah, now, you're not the only woman who can cook
3:41
Speaker 7: a dish of soup.
3:41
Speaker 4: Huh?
3:42
Speaker 7: It helps, though.
3:43
Speaker 4: I'm just beginning to thaw out.
3:45
Speaker 9: Yeah, that's a cold corner you place Santa Claus on.
3:48
Speaker 7: Well, don't hurt to make a few bucks. Ain't nothing
3:51
Speaker 7: so good this past year. Well, maybe the next year
3:54
Speaker 7: it'll be.
3:56
Speaker 3: Oh, well.
3:57
Speaker 7: Besides, I kind of like it, you know. Kids asking
3:59
Speaker 7: questions all day long.
4:00
Speaker 4: Yeah.
4:00
Speaker 3: Yeah.
4:01
Speaker 7: You know, I wonder how they figure the other two
4:04
Speaker 7: Santas at the intersection.
4:05
Speaker 3: Ah, kids think of only one thing at a time.
4:07
Speaker 4: Moises?
4:09
Speaker 7: Sure. You know, one of them other Santas got hit
4:12
Speaker 7: by a car tonight.
4:13
Speaker 8: Oh?
4:14
Speaker 7: He packed up a few minutes before I did, started
4:16
Speaker 7: crossing the avenue, and bang! You know, hit-and-run driver.
4:20
Speaker 9: Oh, gosh, that's too bad. Was he hurt?
4:23
Speaker 3: Yeah, he was killed.
4:26
Speaker 4: Here's your soup.
4:27
Speaker 7: Oh, with traffic the way it is nowadays.
4:30
Speaker 4: Well, I'd better take a look at the stills.
4:33
Speaker 7: Somebody at the door. I'll get it, Peg.
4:36
Speaker 3: Okay.
4:38
Speaker 7: Yeah, watch out.
4:43
Speaker 4: Mike! Wolf? Yes, Archie?
4:54
Speaker 3: I've been thinking.
4:55
Speaker 4: Good heavens.
4:56
Speaker 3: Oh, I admit it won't bring about a national emergency...
4:59
Speaker 3: But Mr. Wolf, Christmas is only a couple of days away.
5:02
Speaker 4: If you're hinting about your present.
5:04
Speaker 7: No, no, no.
5:05
Speaker 3: I was just imagining you behind a team of reindeer.
5:08
Speaker 4: Your imagination is morbid.
5:10
Speaker 3: You'd make a wonderful Santa Claus. You've got the perfect
5:13
Speaker 3: build for it. Of course, as for character... Archie. Yeah.
5:19
Speaker 4: Can you picture me scrambling down a chimney?
5:22
Speaker 3: Well, they might have to build bigger chimneys, but... There's that, too.
5:27
Speaker 7: However.
5:30
Speaker 4: That is the front door.
5:31
Speaker 3: True. I was thinking.
5:32
Speaker 4: You might see who it is.
5:35
Speaker 3: Well, if nobody's been lying to me on the phone,
5:36
Speaker 3: that'll be Santa Claus.
5:38
Speaker 4: Maybe, man.
5:39
Speaker 3: But I haven't decided what I want for Christmas yet, Mr.
5:41
Speaker 5: Wolfe.
5:42
Speaker 3: For example, should she be blonde or brunette, tall or short?
5:46
Speaker 4: Archie.
5:46
Speaker 3: On my way.
5:47
Speaker 5: Good evening.
5:50
Speaker 4: I dislike dawdling on anyone's doorstep.
5:52
Speaker 3: Well, stop dawdling. Come in, please.
5:54
Speaker 7: Mr.
5:54
Speaker 4: Wolfe has been warned of my arrival.
5:56
Speaker 3: He has?
5:57
Speaker 4: Through here.
5:59
Speaker 3: Uh, Mr. Wolfe, this is, uh, Santa Claus.
6:02
Speaker 4: My name is Barton, John Barton. How do you do, sir?
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Speaker 4: I have no time for the social graces, Mr.
6:07
Speaker 3: Wolfe.
6:08
Speaker 4: I'm about to be murdered. How do you know that?
6:09
Speaker 4: In my house, I have objections. I'm a frightened man, Mr.
6:12
Speaker 5: Wolfe.
6:13
Speaker 6: Me?
6:14
Speaker 10: This, this costume you see me in is responsible for
6:17
Speaker 10: it all.
6:18
Speaker 4: Why are you in it?
6:19
Speaker 10: I had a notion it might be, well, entertaining to
6:22
Speaker 10: play Santa Claus in public. I'm a wealthy man, sir.
6:24
Speaker 10: I can afford to have whims. Therefore, I have assumed
6:27
Speaker 10: this masquerade. However, it apparently is going to be the
6:32
Speaker 10: death of me.
6:33
Speaker 4: Mr.
6:33
Speaker 10: Barden, you have adequately conveyed an atmosphere and an emotion.
6:37
Speaker 4: I suggest you concentrate on facts now.
6:39
Speaker 3: Very well.
6:40
Speaker 10: I have been acting as Santa Claus for the tuberculosis fund.
6:44
Speaker 10: My station is the corner of 34th Street and Carlisle Avenue.
6:48
Speaker 10: I might add the northeast corner.
6:50
Speaker 7: Why?
6:51
Speaker 10: Because at that intersection there have been two other Santa Clauses.
6:54
Speaker 10: One on the southeast corner and one on the southwest corner.
6:58
Speaker 10: Three Santa Clauses, then, on three corners.
7:01
Speaker 3: Yes, now then.
7:02
Speaker 10: Earlier tonight, the man on the southwest corner started home.
7:05
Speaker 10: He was crossing the avenue when he was run down
7:07
Speaker 10: and killed by an automobile. A regrettable accident. The car
7:11
Speaker 10: was running without lights. It deliberately ran the fellow down
7:14
Speaker 10: and then vanished. Not an accident, Mr.
7:16
Speaker 3: Wolf.
7:16
Speaker 4: You saw this yourself?
7:18
Speaker 3: I did.
7:18
Speaker 10: One Santa Claus dead. The man on the southeast corner
7:21
Speaker 10: got home all right. According to the radio newsflash, that's
7:25
Speaker 10: where he was killed.
7:26
Speaker 3: By bullets.
7:27
Speaker 4: Coincidence? Possibly, but I wouldn't want to risk my life
7:30
Speaker 4: on the chance.
7:32
Speaker 10: This is Friday night. In the nature of things, you
7:34
Speaker 10: would have made two more appearances.
7:37
Speaker 4: Very well, Mr.
7:37
Speaker 3: Barton.
7:37
Speaker 4: I'll write you a check.
7:39
Speaker 7: As a retainer, then hurry along home.
7:41
Speaker 3: I'm late now. No.
7:43
Speaker 7: I beg your pardon?
7:44
Speaker 10: You will neither hurry home nor notify anyone at your
7:47
Speaker 10: home of your whereabouts.
7:49
Speaker 4: But.
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Speaker 10: You will remain here until such time as I think
7:51
Speaker 10: it's safe for you to leave. The house is well guarded.
7:54
Speaker 10: I can't do that. In which case, I cannot accept
7:57
Speaker 10: you as a client.
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Speaker 4: I fail to understand. Mr. Barton, it is very easy
8:02
Speaker 4: to murder someone.
8:04
Speaker 10: Avoiding the consequences of such an action is something else again. However,
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Speaker 10: I'm assuming that you're not primarily interested in what happens
8:12
Speaker 10: to your murderer after you're dead?
8:14
Speaker 4: Of course not. Therefore, you remain here. Archie?
8:19
Speaker 3: Yep?
8:19
Speaker 10: First the corner of 34th and Carlisle. A complete report.
8:23
Speaker 10: But that's nonsense. The corner will be deserted now.
8:26
Speaker 5: Mr.
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Speaker 10: Barton, you're hiding my intelligence. You will therefore permit me
8:31
Speaker 10: to use it as I see fit. A complete report, Archie?
8:33
Speaker 3: Right, sir.
8:35
Speaker 10: You will then visit Inspector Kramer at headquarters. You will,
8:39
Speaker 10: in whatever manner you find effective, collect all the police
8:42
Speaker 10: information about the two already murdered Santas.
8:45
Speaker 3: Fine. The manor, I think, will be applying a blowtorch
8:48
Speaker 3: to the inspector's toes.
8:50
Speaker 4: Your levity is ill-timed.
8:51
Speaker 3: The inspector is likely to throw me out of my ear.
8:54
Speaker 4: Your problem.
8:55
Speaker 3: My ear.
8:56
Speaker 10: And on your way home, you might stop in at Mr.
8:59
Speaker 10: Barton's place. I don't see any purpose in that.
9:02
Speaker 4: Mr.
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Speaker 10: Barton, there is a basic problem to which we must
9:05
Speaker 10: find an answer. Whether those two men were murdered because
9:09
Speaker 10: they were Santa Clauses, or because their deaths were.
9:12
Speaker 4: Merely preliminaries to yours, Archie, I suggest haste.
9:16
Speaker 3: Yes, sir.
9:18
Speaker 10: And avoid blondes. Hmm? I would like you to be
9:23
Speaker 10: home in time for Christmas.
9:37
Speaker 7: Hey, Pudge. Yeah? Got the price of a cup of coffee?
9:42
Speaker 3: You sure you mean coffee? Either you're gonna dig it
9:45
Speaker 3: up or you ain't.
9:46
Speaker 7: Reminded questions about my personal affairs, see?
9:48
Speaker 3: Oh, I apologize.
9:49
Speaker 6: Here.
9:52
Speaker 3: Two bits.
9:53
Speaker 4: Thanks.
9:55
Speaker 3: You're welcome. Don't let me keep you. You're not. 34th
10:00
Speaker 3: and Carlisle, huh? During the day filled with milling throngs.
10:04
Speaker 3: That's a nice phrase. I'll have to remember it. Milling throngs.
10:10
Speaker 3: And now desolate and deserted. Well, that's life.
10:12
Speaker 7: Is that a fact? That's philosophy.
10:15
Speaker 4: Yeah.
10:16
Speaker 7: But two bits. I don't have to listen to no philosopher, see?
10:20
Speaker 4: Good night.
10:31
Speaker 3: Uh-oh. The inspector's got company.
10:33
Speaker 8: If all you reporters will shut up and ask your
10:36
Speaker 8: questions one by one, I'll answer them.
10:37
Speaker 3: Inspector Kramer, it's true a couple of Santa Clauses have
10:40
Speaker 3: been knocked off tonight?
10:41
Speaker 8: It's true that two men who have been employed as
10:43
Speaker 8: Santa Claus by charitable organizations have been murdered, yes.
10:46
Speaker 3: Any connection between those two guys, or does somebody just
10:49
Speaker 3: hate Santa Claus?
10:50
Speaker 8: Well, so far as we know, there is no connection.
10:52
Speaker 4: That means it could be maybe some kind of maniac who...
10:55
Speaker 4: Decided he doesn't like Christmas or Santa Claus.
10:57
Speaker 3: Is that right? The department is investigating along those lines.
11:00
Speaker 4: Like how?
11:01
Speaker 8: Well, we're checking all the local asylums for possible escaped lunatics.
11:04
Speaker 3: Yeah, but Inspector, suppose this nut has never been in
11:07
Speaker 3: an asylum. That'll be all, boys. I said that'll be all. Now,
11:12
Speaker 3: anything new comes in, you'll get it. Understand? Hey, good one. Hello, Inspector.
11:18
Speaker 3: I spotted you coming in. What happened? You decided to
11:20
Speaker 3: reform and got a job on a paper? Nope. I'm
11:23
Speaker 3: a public-spirited citizen, that's all.
11:24
Speaker 8: Yeah, I could add a few things to that description
11:26
Speaker 8: with practically no strain at all.
11:28
Speaker 3: Mr. Wolfe and I are very sentimental about Christmas. We
11:30
Speaker 3: object to Santa Claus's being killed.
11:32
Speaker 7: Nuts.
11:33
Speaker 3: Oh, Inspector, aren't you in favor of Christmas? I'm in
11:36
Speaker 3: favor of Christmas. I'm in favor of motherhood.
11:38
Speaker 4: I'm in.
11:38
Speaker 3: Leave motherhood out of this. Neither of us are mothers.
11:40
Speaker 3: Our chances of becoming mothers aren't too good either. And furthermore... Okay, okay,
11:44
Speaker 3: you're not given, so get out of here. Thank you, Inspector.
11:48
Speaker 3: But good one.
11:48
Speaker 7: Yeah?
11:49
Speaker 8: In case Wolf decides to send me something for Christmas,
11:53
Speaker 8: you know what I wish he'd send me?
11:55
Speaker 3: What? Your head.
12:08
Speaker 7: Well.
12:09
Speaker 3: Oh. Now I know what I want for Christmas.
12:12
Speaker 9: What did you say?
12:13
Speaker 3: I said my name is Goodwin and it's cold on
12:15
Speaker 3: your doorstep.
12:16
Speaker 9: Oh, I'm sorry. Come in.
12:18
Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
12:20
Speaker 3: You didn't mention your name.
12:22
Speaker 9: I'm Laura Barton.
12:24
Speaker 3: Mrs. Laura Barton? No. Fine, fine. That is, what relation
12:28
Speaker 3: are you to John Barton?
12:29
Speaker 9: His niece. Why do you ask?
12:31
Speaker 3: Oh, you've got a beautiful voice. All this marble and
12:35
Speaker 3: no butler?
12:36
Speaker 9: I don't know where Pleasant is. He should be here.
12:39
Speaker 3: Have him shot at sunrise. Oh, Laura.
12:43
Speaker 9: Wayne, this is Mr.
12:45
Speaker 5: Goodwin.
12:46
Speaker 3: I never heard of him. What does he want?
12:48
Speaker 9: Well, I don't know.
12:48
Speaker 3: Wayne what? Stevens?
12:51
Speaker 1: Uh-huh.
12:51
Speaker 3: Friend of Mr. Barton? Half-brother, but we seem to be
12:54
Speaker 3: doing all the answering. How about you're answering some questions, Goodwin?
12:58
Speaker 3: I'll try. Come into the library. What do you want?
13:08
Speaker 7: For Christmas?
13:09
Speaker 3: Erase that. I would like to see Mr. Barton. He's
13:13
Speaker 3: not home. Where is he? Don't you know? I wouldn't
13:17
Speaker 3: have come here asking for him if I did, would I?
13:20
Speaker 3: I suppose that's true. What did you want with him? Conversation.
13:24
Speaker 11: About?
13:25
Speaker 3: Anything. You see, I like to talk to rich men.
13:28
Speaker 3: Are you rich? I can't play the piano either. You
13:33
Speaker 3: could always learn. But being rich is harder, I found it.
13:36
Speaker 11: Mr.
13:36
Speaker 7: Goodwin.
13:37
Speaker 9: You must have some reason for coming here. Some reason
13:40
Speaker 9: concerning Uncle.
13:41
Speaker 3: Laura, you're being imaginative.
13:42
Speaker 9: Well, Uncle is late.
13:43
Speaker 3: He's probably still on that street corner playing Santa Claus.
13:47
Speaker 3: He enjoys it. Why bother about what.
13:49
Speaker 9: I don't know, except.
13:50
Speaker 3: He's never been as late as this? Well, no. Not
13:53
Speaker 3: since he started that masquerade of his. Would you happen
13:56
Speaker 3: to know where the butler is? Out getting drunk, I suspect.
13:59
Speaker 3: He was in the kitchen a little while ago. Disappeared.
14:02
Speaker 3: Pleasant likes to look on the wine when it's red.
14:06
Speaker 3: Or even when it's rye. No, I take that back. Oh,
14:09
Speaker 3: you do? He prefers Irish whiskey. We don't stock it, therefore... Oh,
14:13
Speaker 3: too bad. I'd better run along. Good night, Mr. Stevens.
14:17
Speaker 3: Miss Spartan. Good night.
14:19
Speaker 9: I'll see you out.
14:26
Speaker 3: Prettiest butler I ever saw. Blonde. Now, old Dr. Tidmouse
14:31
Speaker 3: always said, beware of blondes because... Mr.
14:33
Speaker 9: Goodwin, I.
14:35
Speaker 3: Well, I'm waiting.
14:37
Speaker 9: Well, I.
14:38
Speaker 7: Mr.
14:38
Speaker 9: Goodwin, you must know something about Uncle. Something you didn't
14:41
Speaker 9: want to tell us.
14:42
Speaker 3: Makes you think so?
14:42
Speaker 9: Well, otherwise, your visit was just pointless.
14:46
Speaker 3: Let's suppose I know. I might be a kidnapper.
14:48
Speaker 5: Oh, no.
14:49
Speaker 3: My honest brown eyes.
14:51
Speaker 9: Your first name is Archie, isn't it?
14:53
Speaker 7: Archie? Archie Goodwin. Hmm.
14:56
Speaker 3: Goes together nicely, don't you think?
14:58
Speaker 9: You work for Nero Wolfe. You're going back to him now?
15:01
Speaker 3: I might be, but then again, I might be going
15:02
Speaker 3: to the movies.
15:03
Speaker 9: I recognized you. Your pictures have been in the papers.
15:05
Speaker 3: Yes.
15:06
Speaker 9: Take me with you to see Mr.
15:07
Speaker 7: Wolfe.
15:08
Speaker 9: You can trust me.
15:09
Speaker 3: I never trust blunts.
15:11
Speaker 9: That's unfair.
15:12
Speaker 3: Well, no, I don't trust brunettes either. Furthermore, I'm not
15:15
Speaker 3: sure Mr. Wolfe would want to see you, so I.
15:17
Speaker 6: So?
15:18
Speaker 3: So why don't you, uh, trail me home, hmm?
15:24
Speaker 5: Bless you, Archie.
15:27
Speaker 6: Archie?
15:35
Speaker 3: Where's Santa Claus?
15:36
Speaker 4: Guest room. He was tired.
15:38
Speaker 7: What, uh.
15:39
Speaker 3: I've been trailed home.
15:40
Speaker 4: Me?
15:41
Speaker 3: By a blonde.
15:42
Speaker 4: Who is?
15:42
Speaker 3: All right, I admit I didn't make any strenuous effort
15:45
Speaker 3: to shake her off, but she trailed... Where is she? Outside. Good.
15:49
Speaker 4: Your report.
15:50
Speaker 3: Oh, but she might freeze to death out there.
15:52
Speaker 4: That's her problem. Your report, Archie.
15:55
Speaker 3: It's short and simple.
15:56
Speaker 4: It would be simple.
15:58
Speaker 3: I haven't got time to resent that. A blonde is dying.
16:01
Speaker 3: As for the report... Corner of 34th and Carlisle is
16:04
Speaker 3: a very quiet spot at night. No one was around,
16:07
Speaker 3: but Obama got into me for a quarter. For coffee,
16:10
Speaker 3: he said.
16:11
Speaker 4: You will not put that quarter on the expense account.
16:14
Speaker 3: Stop worrying. That was a private gesture. There were four corners.
16:18
Speaker 3: Corner number one had a dress shop on it. Corner
16:20
Speaker 3: number two, a drugstore with a beautiful redhead in the
16:23
Speaker 3: window making with a hair rinse. The ad said her
16:25
Speaker 3: name was Noreen, but it didn't give her phone number.
16:28
Speaker 4: Ah, gee.
16:29
Speaker 3: Third corner was devoted to a shoe store, and the
16:31
Speaker 3: fourth corner had a bank on it.
16:33
Speaker 4: A bank?
16:34
Speaker 7: Uh-huh.
16:35
Speaker 3: Kind of thought we'd have a pause at that point.
16:37
Speaker 3: Mean something?
16:39
Speaker 4: Inspector Kramer's information consisted of.
16:42
Speaker 3: Oh, you're being coy. Kramer furnished the information the police
16:45
Speaker 3: could find no connection between the two murdered Santas.
16:48
Speaker 4: Except for the fact that they were both playing Santa Claus.
16:51
Speaker 3: Isn't that a little on the obvious side?
16:53
Speaker 4: This is an obvious case. Barton home, Archie?
16:56
Speaker 3: Uh, marble and old lace A butler, his name is
16:59
Speaker 3: Pleasant Was among those missing Among those present Laura Barton,
17:04
Speaker 3: the old man's niece And Wayne Stevens, his half-brother Ah Yeah,
17:08
Speaker 3: only for Laura Stevens was not at all pretty.
17:12
Speaker 4: It was Laura Barton who followed you here It was
17:14
Speaker 4: Laura Archie, uh, go upstairs and.
17:18
Speaker 3: Oh, now wait a minute The girl, the weather, common
17:20
Speaker 3: humanity Demands that you have.
17:22
Speaker 10: Chewie, you speak for yourself, not humanity I'm human.
17:26
Speaker 4: On occasion, a debatable point. Very well. Let her in.
17:30
Speaker 3: Oh, thanks. Laura, come in. Laura Barton, Mr.
17:40
Speaker 7: Wolfe.
17:40
Speaker 9: How do you do?
17:41
Speaker 4: How much money do you inherit on the death of
17:43
Speaker 4: your uncle?
17:45
Speaker 9: What?
17:46
Speaker 4: That is known as a shock treatment. However, I need
17:49
Speaker 4: an answer.
17:50
Speaker 9: Uncle isn't dead, is he?
17:52
Speaker 4: That, for the moment, is irrelevant. How much?
17:55
Speaker 9: Half his estate.
17:56
Speaker 4: The other half?
17:58
Speaker 9: Wayne, Uncle's half-brother.
18:00
Speaker 4: Very well.
18:01
Speaker 10: Archie, will you go upstairs and inform Mr. Barton that
18:04
Speaker 10: his niece is here?
18:05
Speaker 9: Uncle is here?
18:07
Speaker 3: On my way.
18:07
Speaker 11: Yes?
18:23
Speaker 3: Archie, Mr.
18:24
Speaker 1: Barton.
18:25
Speaker 6: Come in.
18:27
Speaker 3: Mr. Wolfe would like you to come downstairs.
18:29
Speaker 7: I suppose he has a reason.
18:31
Speaker 3: A blonde reason, your niece.
18:34
Speaker 4: My niece?
18:34
Speaker 3: That's right. She just... Where'd you get that?
18:37
Speaker 4: A man of my wealth finds it safer to carry
18:41
Speaker 4: a revolver.
18:42
Speaker 3: But it's not safe to point it at people, especially
18:45
Speaker 3: for the people.
18:46
Speaker 4: Turn around, Goodwin.
18:48
Speaker 7: But, Mr.
18:48
Speaker 3: Barton, we're protecting you.
18:50
Speaker 4: By letting that girl into the house?
18:53
Speaker 3: If I had the time.
18:54
Speaker 4: I'd be amused. As it is.
18:56
Speaker 5: Archie, you've been dropped.
19:10
Speaker 7: Good heavens.
19:11
Speaker 3: Uh-huh. Santa Claus came early.
19:14
Speaker 4: Go ahead.
19:15
Speaker 3: Which one are you referring to, my own or the
19:17
Speaker 3: one Santa gave me?
19:18
Speaker 4: You had better sit.
19:19
Speaker 3: No. No, I had enough trouble getting up a little
19:21
Speaker 3: while ago. I'm staying out of any positions in which
19:23
Speaker 3: I might have to do that again.
19:25
Speaker 5: Mr.
19:26
Speaker 3: Barton is among the missing. Indeed?
19:28
Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
19:29
Speaker 3: Hit me on the head and used the back exit.
19:31
Speaker 3: I checked with Fritz in the kitchen on the way here.
19:34
Speaker 4: He offered a reason for his peculiar behavior?
19:37
Speaker 3: Laura Barton.
19:38
Speaker 7: So? I.
19:39
Speaker 9: I don't understand. Uncle wouldn't do.
19:42
Speaker 10: Uncle apparently has. He also it would appear, fancies himself
19:46
Speaker 10: in costume.
19:47
Speaker 9: He used to be very much interested in the stage.
19:50
Speaker 9: He acted for a while, a long time ago, till
19:52
Speaker 9: the family objected....
19:55
Speaker 4: Archie?
19:56
Speaker 3: Got it. Bureau Wolf's office. Archie Goodwin speaking. You recite
20:01
Speaker 3: very nicely, Goodwin. This is Kramer. Let me have Wolf, huh? Mr. Wolf,
20:06
Speaker 3: Inspector Kramer.
20:08
Speaker 4: Yes, Inspector?
20:09
Speaker 8: The papers haven't been carrying it, Wolf, but you're working
20:12
Speaker 8: on the Santa Claus case, aren't you?
20:13
Speaker 7: Possibility.
20:14
Speaker 3: You didn't send Goodwin down to headquarters on a possibility.
20:18
Speaker 3: Never mind. We're working on a line down here, Wolf.
20:21
Speaker 8: Now, look, if it doesn't strain your professional ethics, you
20:24
Speaker 8: might be able to help.
20:25
Speaker 7: How?
20:26
Speaker 8: There's a bank on the corner of 34th Street and Carlisle.
20:29
Speaker 8: We got the thought that suppose a gang was preparing
20:31
Speaker 8: to take that bank tomorrow morning. Those Santa Clauses have
20:35
Speaker 8: been on the corner for nearly a week now. They
20:37
Speaker 8: might have noticed something about the bank's routine, guards or
20:40
Speaker 8: what have you, that could interfere with the gang's plan.
20:42
Speaker 4: A mighty ingenious and imaginative thought, Inspector.
20:47
Speaker 3: You didn't say yes or no.
20:48
Speaker 4: I have at the moment no opinion.
20:50
Speaker 3: That's all you're going to give us?
20:52
Speaker 4: At the moment. However, Inspector, in a very little while,
20:56
Speaker 4: I shall give you the.
20:59
Speaker 7: Murderer.
21:00
Speaker 4: Archie, Miss Parton will remain here. As for you.
21:04
Speaker 3: Yeah?
21:05
Speaker 10: You return to 34th Street and find our coffee-loving friend.
21:09
Speaker 10: You will persuade him in whatever manner you think best
21:11
Speaker 10: to return here with you.
21:13
Speaker 3: Huh?
21:13
Speaker 11: Yes.
21:16
Speaker 10: You know, I think it possible you may be able
21:18
Speaker 10: to put that quarter on.
21:19
Speaker 4: The expense account after all. You.
21:21
Speaker 3: What?
21:22
Speaker 11: Oh, why? Why?
21:39
Speaker 4: I've seen you before.
21:41
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've learned to love the neighborhood. That's why it's
21:43
Speaker 3: going to break my heart. What is? Leaving it with you. With...
21:49
Speaker 3: It's sensitive about having guns pulled on me tonight. Let
21:52
Speaker 3: go of me, will you? Not until I... Gun looks
21:56
Speaker 3: in a lot better shape than you do. You're coming
21:59
Speaker 3: with me.
22:00
Speaker 4: Where?
22:01
Speaker 3: Mr. Wolfe would like to see you. Nero Wolfe? Yeah.
22:05
Speaker 4: Why?
22:06
Speaker 3: He's trying to salvage a quarter.
22:09
Speaker 11: Ah, Archie.
22:18
Speaker 4: Uh-huh.
22:18
Speaker 3: Complete with... He wouldn't give his name. He did have
22:21
Speaker 3: a gun to it, though. This one. Yes.
22:24
Speaker 4: Archie, you know Miss Barton, of course?
22:26
Speaker 3: Aye.
22:27
Speaker 4: And Mr.
22:27
Speaker 3: Stevens?
22:28
Speaker 4: He joined us a moment ago. Miss Barton thought she'd
22:31
Speaker 4: be happy if he were here.
22:32
Speaker 3: Hello, Stevens. It's not the only reason I came. My
22:35
Speaker 3: brother is still missing. I'm concerned.
22:37
Speaker 8: Yes.
22:39
Speaker 4: You, sir, will you sit down? Watching people stand makes
22:42
Speaker 4: me uncomfortable.
22:43
Speaker 3: I don't have to.
22:44
Speaker 7: You do.
22:46
Speaker 4: Archie is stronger than you are.
22:48
Speaker 3: All right.
22:50
Speaker 4: That's better.
22:51
Speaker 3: If you don't mind, Mr. Wolfe, I've never been here
22:54
Speaker 3: before and never met you. But you look as though
22:57
Speaker 3: you could handle things. I think my brother's been kidnapped.
23:00
Speaker 4: Possibility we shall have to consider. Miss Barton... Perhaps you
23:05
Speaker 4: have a theory, too?
23:06
Speaker 9: I don't know. Uncle's been behaving strangely for weeks now.
23:10
Speaker 4: What way?
23:11
Speaker 9: I'm not sure.
23:12
Speaker 4: Wayne.
23:14
Speaker 3: Well, of course, John's always been a little peculiar, but
23:18
Speaker 3: I'm afraid I saw nothing especially strange outside of this
23:21
Speaker 3: Santa Claus stunt, of course.
23:23
Speaker 4: I see.
23:24
Speaker 10: Miss Barton, your uncle played Santa Claus all week on
23:27
Speaker 10: one of the corners of 34th Street in Carlisle.
23:30
Speaker 9: I know.
23:31
Speaker 10: On two other corners, two other men indulged in the
23:34
Speaker 10: same activity. Those two other men are now dead.
23:38
Speaker 3: Oh, no. Wait. Mr. Wolfe, you mean they were killed
23:42
Speaker 3: by mistake for Barton?
23:44
Speaker 10: It is true that one man made up of sandy
23:46
Speaker 10: claws looks very much like any other man, similarly costumed.
23:50
Speaker 4: But the answer is no. One of the two men
23:53
Speaker 4: was shot in his home after he had removed his costume.
23:56
Speaker 3: Well, then, what connection... Miss.
23:58
Speaker 4: Barton, in the event that you wanted to hide a tree,
24:01
Speaker 4: where would you hide it?
24:02
Speaker 9: Hide a tree? Why, I wouldn't even begin to know.
24:06
Speaker 4: If you were very clever, you would hide it in
24:08
Speaker 4: a forest.
24:08
Speaker 10: If you wanted to hide a murder and were very clever,
24:11
Speaker 10: you would adopt the same principle.
24:13
Speaker 9: Wait. You mean that if someone wanted to kill Uncle
24:17
Speaker 9: and didn't want to be suspected.
24:19
Speaker 10: He'd... Go about murdering several people with an ostensible if
24:23
Speaker 10: lunatic reason... He would never say go about killing Santa Claus.
24:27
Speaker 3: I get it. Then people would think the man he
24:29
Speaker 3: really wanted dead... for a special and private reason... had
24:32
Speaker 3: been killed for something that didn't point to him.
24:35
Speaker 4: True. That was why two Santa Clauses were murdered tonight.
24:39
Speaker 4: The third Santa Claus, however... the real object of the
24:43
Speaker 4: murderer's attention... was lucky or suspicious. He fled.
24:48
Speaker 7: Ah, do I have to hang around here and listen
24:50
Speaker 7: to all this?
24:51
Speaker 4: You do, my unwashed friend... Mr.
24:54
Speaker 10: Barton fled and the murderer was in a quandary. He had,
24:57
Speaker 10: so to speak, invested in two murders merely to make
25:00
Speaker 10: the third one confusing. But he found himself unable to
25:04
Speaker 10: commit that third murder. He couldn't find his victim. Could
25:08
Speaker 10: he ask the police to do so?
25:10
Speaker 5: Hardly.
25:11
Speaker 10: But he might try to inveigle a private detective such
25:14
Speaker 10: as myself into the job.
25:16
Speaker 3: That makes sense, Mr. Wolfe, but... Why would my brother
25:20
Speaker 3: have deliberately fled from your house? I mean, he was
25:23
Speaker 3: protected here, so... But do I make myself clear? Very clear, Mr.
25:28
Speaker 4: Stevens. How's that gun you took from that dirty gentleman?
25:32
Speaker 4: You still have it?
25:33
Speaker 3: I still have it.
25:34
Speaker 10: Then would you mind pointing it at Mr. Stevens here
25:37
Speaker 10: until the police remove him?
25:45
Speaker 3: All right, come along, Stevens. Well, that's the end of Mr. Stevens.
25:50
Speaker 3: Inspector Kramer will take good care of him from now on.
25:53
Speaker 3: But now, Mr. Wolfe, Laura and me and the refugee
25:56
Speaker 3: from a washcloth over here would still like to know
25:59
Speaker 3: how and why and who was involved.
26:01
Speaker 10: I knew two people had a motive for John Barton's death.
26:04
Speaker 10: Laura Barton and Wayne Stevens. One of them proceeded to
26:08
Speaker 10: kill Santa Clauses in the hope that the police would
26:12
Speaker 10: assume those killings to be the work.
26:13
Speaker 4: Of a lunatic.
26:15
Speaker 3: The paper certainly hopped on that assumption.
26:17
Speaker 4: Yes.
26:17
Speaker 10: However, John Barton, aware that his life was in danger,
26:21
Speaker 10: escaped his murderer and hid.
26:23
Speaker 3: In this house?
26:24
Speaker 4: No.
26:25
Speaker 10: A man in Santa Claus' costume came here and said
26:28
Speaker 10: he was Barton. However, he was an obvious imposter. He
26:32
Speaker 10: proved that by his flight when his niece came here.
26:34
Speaker 9: You mean he could fool you, but he knew he
26:36
Speaker 9: wouldn't be able to fool me, so.
26:38
Speaker 4: Precisely. Therefore, it was not Barton. Who was it? Who
26:42
Speaker 4: else had disappeared at the propitious moment?
26:44
Speaker 3: The butler, Pleasant.
26:46
Speaker 7: True.
26:47
Speaker 10: I distrust coincidence. Stevens needed an accomplice, hence he sent
26:51
Speaker 10: Pleasant here.
26:52
Speaker 3: And Pleasant would give you a song and dance about
26:54
Speaker 3: Barton's danger and then scram. You'd start investigating, discover Barton
26:58
Speaker 3: was missing, try to find him and lead Stevens to
27:01
Speaker 3: his victim, huh?
27:03
Speaker 10: I frustrated that part of the plan by insisting on
27:06
Speaker 10: Pleasant's remaining here, which he did until.
27:09
Speaker 4: That part.
27:09
Speaker 3: Of it's fine. But how did you choose between Laura
27:12
Speaker 3: and Stevens?
27:13
Speaker 4: It was Stevens who knew, without being told, that Barton
27:16
Speaker 4: had been in this house and had fled from it.
27:18
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you yourself mentioned that Stevens had only been
27:21
Speaker 3: here a moment, so you hadn't told him.
27:23
Speaker 10: Obviously, the butler phoned him as soon as he had
27:25
Speaker 10: hit you over the head and escaped. Furthermore, the butler,
27:29
Speaker 10: masquerading as Barton, had attempted to throw suspicion on Miss Barton.
27:34
Speaker 4: That convinced me of her innocence.
27:36
Speaker 3: Well, you've done it again, Mr. Wolfe, except for one
27:39
Speaker 3: minor detail.
27:40
Speaker 10: You're not very successful at art, any, Archie. What minor detail?
27:45
Speaker 3: Where is Barton?
27:47
Speaker 4: In this house.
27:48
Speaker 3: Huh? When did that happen?
27:50
Speaker 4: You arrived home with a gentleman sitting near you.
27:53
Speaker 3: The bum? Wait. Wait a minute. This I ought to
27:56
Speaker 3: be able to figure out myself. Laura said Barton used
27:59
Speaker 3: to be an actor. That's item one, huh? Yes, Archie. Also,
28:03
Speaker 3: why is a supposed tramp hanging around a deserted intersection
28:06
Speaker 3: for handouts? The answer is he wasn't. He was keeping
28:09
Speaker 3: an eye out for trouble he knew was after him.
28:13
Speaker 3: So it turns out I gave a quarter to a millionaire.
28:16
Speaker 4: Uncle?
28:17
Speaker 9: Your uncle?
28:19
Speaker 3: That is, I.
28:20
Speaker 4: I know, my dear.
28:21
Speaker 7: Yes, I'm uncle. I did a rather decent job, didn't I?
28:25
Speaker 7: No one recognized me. Except, of course, you, Mr.
28:28
Speaker 9: Wolfe.
28:29
Speaker 4: Not recognition, Mr.
28:31
Speaker 3: Barton.
28:31
Speaker 4: Logic. Archie, open some beer for us.
28:34
Speaker 3: Yes, sir. Logic, eh?
28:37
Speaker 7: Well, whatever it was, Mr.
28:38
Speaker 12: Wolfe, I owe you a good deal. How can I
28:42
Speaker 12: ever repay you? Oddly enough, the answer is simplicity itself.
28:49
Speaker 12: Make out a check.
28:53
Speaker 5: Ah.
28:55
Speaker 3: Ah.
29:06
Speaker 2: You have been listening to The New Adventures of Nero Wolfe,
29:10
Speaker 2: starring Sidney Greenstreet.
29:11
Speaker 1: Tonight's transcribed story was based on the characters created by.
29:16
Speaker 2: Rex Stout, This is an Edwin Fadiman program produced and
29:36
Speaker 2: directed by J.
29:37
Speaker 3: Donald Wilson.
29:38
Speaker 2: In the cast were Larry Dobkin as Archie Goodwin and
29:41
Speaker 2: Howard McNair, Grace Lenard, Vic Rodman, Herbert Butterfield, Bill Johnstone,
29:45
Speaker 2: Gene Bates, and Bob Bruce. Next week at this same time,
29:49
Speaker 2: Nero Wolfe and Archie will bring you The Case of
29:52
Speaker 2: the Bashful Body. Don Stanley speaking. Three chimes mean good
29:58
Speaker 2: times on NBC.
30:06
Speaker 1: And so concludes the new adventures of Nero Wolfe with
30:09
Speaker 1: The Slaughtered Santas. Good night, and we'll meet again at
30:14
Speaker 1: the radio dial. Follow Old Time Mystery Radio for more
30:18
Speaker 1: classic mystery and detective broadcasts.