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Transcript

HERPES….. Stay or go - what would you do? ☹️😓🫂 · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apologee Production.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: I need your advice.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Are you okay? What happened?
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Promise it won't be too much.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Bring it in.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: Welcome to our Bestie segment. This is the place for you.
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: Hello, Hello, Welcome back to another episode of She Rises.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: Today's going to look a little different.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: It's Tuesday. This is our first time we've uploaded for
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: a Tuesday, first Tuesday episode. Welcome to four times a week,
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: She Rises. Being in your ears and we could be
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: more excited.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: We're going to be more excited.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: Guys.
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: This is our Bestie segment. Bestie advice from us and yours. Truly,
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: we have wanted to do this. We've gotten so many
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: messages from you guys in our anonymous obmission and it's
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: all been advice on different things that you guys are
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: struggling with and things that you're really needing like bestie,
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: big sister kind of advice for so you ask can
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: we listen?
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah? So it kind of was born through Africa Friday segment.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: You found a lot of the submissions that were coming
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: through were not so much the freaky stories. It was
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: more help me. Yeah, what do you guys think of this?
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  Speaker 1: I don't have friends, I can talk to I want
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  Speaker 1: a different perspective. Am I blind? Am I clouded? Can
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: you let me know what you guys would do in
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: this situation? It was a lot of advice. And we're
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: in trackies. We always want you guys to feel like
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: you're sitting on the couch with us. And this is
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: the kind of advice that if we were in this situation,
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: this is what we would tell each other. We're not
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  Speaker 1: claiming that we're qualified psychologists or that you shouldn't do
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: as we say. Take it with a grain of salt.
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  Speaker 1: It's as if we were talking to each other. This
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  Speaker 1: is how we would help each other and what we
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  Speaker 1: would advise. So it's raw, it's honest and real. It's real.
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  Speaker 1: It's like your best the advice. Yeah, so his Today's
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  Speaker 1: first episode.
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  Speaker 3: Day's first episode for the best the Advice is a
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: really big story. So let's get into it, shall we.
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  Speaker 3: The love of my life has genital herpes, think provide
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  Speaker 3: a man prioritizes self development, CEO and one one hundred
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: percent sure of me in our future. He's beautiful to
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: look at, although I wouldn't be with him if it
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: wasn't for his soul. He disclosed he had it before
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: we were intimate, and told me he had unintentionally transmitted
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: it to his ex whilst on anti virals. She knew
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: the risks and wanted to stop wearing condoms. We had
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: been together for two and a half years now and
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: planning marriage and kids, but in order for me to
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: not get it, he takes antivirals most days and we
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: use a condom at my request every time. I absolutely
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: hate it and it kills the spontaneity, but I never
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: want to get herpes. His outbreaks are mild and a
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: few red spots on the tip of his knob. They
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: are smaller than a freckle, but apparently women get it
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: way worse. Obviously, this thought runs through my mind that
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: I'd be ashamed if we broke up also to disclose
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  Speaker 3: something so stigmatized, and that also shows up uniquely for everyone.
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  Speaker 3: But the root of me not wanting it is more
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: about my health and comfort. He will take antivirals every day,
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: but there's a small risk of transmitting it like he
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: did with his ex. However, he admitted he was more
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: forgetful with the meds as he didn't realize skipping a
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: few days or two would make a difference, or do
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  Speaker 3: we just use condoms forever? Breaking up isn't an option.
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  Speaker 3: This man is my soul, my a king in every way.
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  Speaker 3: We already discussed options for kids, and we agreed he
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: can come into a funnel to avoid contact. Lol. This
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  Speaker 3: feels scary to even say anonymously. It's not something I
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: can talk to many people about as I don't want
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  Speaker 3: to share his info. It's such a hush topic. Would
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  Speaker 3: you risk getting herpes and having to take the daily
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: antiviral so you wouldn't get symptoms to be with the man?
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  Speaker 3: Or would you wear a condom every time?
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  Speaker 1: Wow? Thank you firstly for being so open and vulnerable.
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  Speaker 1: And I'm so sorry that you don't have anyone to
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  Speaker 1: talk to about this because this is something that is.
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  Speaker 3: So stigmatized, so stigmatize heavy.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean straight away. My first response is like,
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  Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to wear condoms for the rest of
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: my life and I wouldn't even consider leaving. Yeah, he
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  Speaker 1: sounds like an incredible man and him having herpes does
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  Speaker 1: not define him at all, And you guys have a
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  Speaker 1: beautiful relationship Like that's an easy answer for me. You
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  Speaker 1: stay and you hold on to that man. You love
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  Speaker 1: the shit out of him for who he is, not
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: for something that he caught off someone.
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  Speaker 3: And if it's something that you know that breaking up
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  Speaker 3: is not an option, you know that this is your man,
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  Speaker 3: this is the man that you're choosing to be with.
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  Speaker 2: It's exploring the options.
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  Speaker 3: Maybe it's condoms right now, and then it's antivirals later,
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  Speaker 3: or it's antivirals now and then you you know, after
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: a certain amount of time, or you feel more certain
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: of the relationship and you know time has gone on,
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: then having that conversation again around Okay, do we get
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: rid of the condoms? Now?
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  Speaker 2: Do we keep the antivirals?
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  Speaker 3: Like, there's so many things that you guys can consider
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  Speaker 3: within that based on your level of comfort, of course, yeah,
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  Speaker 3: but also as well, I know there's a lot of
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  Speaker 3: stigma around stuff like that.
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  Speaker 2: But it's also it doesn't change who you are.
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  Speaker 3: No, like, think about who you are as a person
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  Speaker 3: day to day. Does it change who he is? No?
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  Speaker 3: Does it change how much he matters to you? Does
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  Speaker 3: it change the qualities about him, how much he makes
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  Speaker 3: you smile and laugh, and how hard he loves on you.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: Because the reality of it is, if it doesn't change
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  Speaker 3: your life in any way, Like, it doesn't fucking matter.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: No, it doesn't. And even if you were to get it,
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: let's just say you did. It's not ideal for sure.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: I'm sure it's uncomfortable. It's not going to change your guys' relationship. No, No,
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  Speaker 1: still who you are. It's like when someone gets a
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: could sal. Yeah, why is that not stigmatized? Yeah, that's
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  Speaker 1: not even a conversation. It's like, oh, I've got a
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  Speaker 1: coal sal. I got this, but it's so stigmatized to
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  Speaker 1: be down there. But what you said, I don't know
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  Speaker 1: how to say any better. It doesn't change the man
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  Speaker 1: that he is. So I would be staying one hundred percent.
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  Speaker 1: That wouldn't even be a consideration for me.
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: And I think the question as well was like, would
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: you risk getting hopes in taking the antivirals or would
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  Speaker 3: you just wear a condom every time? I don't personally
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: wouldn't want to wear condoms every time we move half
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: partner because I think that would just become annoying.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: I don't know. For me, it feels a bit disconnecting.
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and it desensitizes things and it does.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: Break the vibe sometimes like a mood in the spontaneity,
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: like she said, but she is so true obviously. Values.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, I would say that antivirals would probably be the direction.
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: But if I'm thinking like long term, it me personally,
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  Speaker 3: I don't like taking medication and stuff like that, so
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: I think it would be like a, well, eventually, if
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: we're going to stay again, then it doesn't matter. Yeah,
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: you know, but it just depends on where you're at
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: and how you feel about it. But I just I
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: want you to know there's nothing that you need to
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: be shameful of around or this situation, because it's like,
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: you love that person and you know what, it doesn't
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  Speaker 3: mean anything about him.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: No, definitely not. And like wholesals on the lips, they
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: are bought out via stress, Yeah, by not getting enough sleep,
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: by too much sugar, by not taking care of yourself.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: Like you can also really focus on your health as
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: well to limit the breakouts, which I'm sure he does
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  Speaker 1: as well, which he sounds like a very conscious man.
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  Speaker 1: I'm sure he's doing all of that as well. I
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  Speaker 1: don't know about the worse for females to males. I'm
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: not sure is that true.
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  Speaker 3: I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure, Like fifty percent
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: of the population have hurt bees. Oh I didn't know
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: one talks about it because it's so stigmatized.
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  Speaker 1: You be surprised. Yeah, yeah, one hundred percent.
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  Speaker 3: Thank you for bringing this in here, And I just
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: want you to know if you ever need any additional support,
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: just send us the DM because I know, like it
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  Speaker 3: can be super isolating to go through something alone.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: And I can stay in the volt I know you
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  Speaker 1: don't wan anyone knowing, but like, if you come to us,
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  Speaker 1: be here for you, and it would stay in the
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  Speaker 1: vault because you don't need to go through this alone.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: And I understand you might want to tell close people
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  Speaker 1: because it's also his life and his Yeah, you mightn't
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  Speaker 1: want your friends knowing the poor thing too. He's probably
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: feeling a lot of shame. Yeah, that would have been
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: so hard for him to tell you and open up
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  Speaker 1: to you. And I'm so glad he did because that's
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: so respectful and it's the right thing to do.
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  Speaker 2: He gave you the option.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: He just sounds like a fucking incredible man. Honestly, I
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: wouldn't be looking straight past that personally.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I would too, you know what, Like the love,
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: I think it's really rare these days to find really
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: good relationships and not rare, but like that, the pool
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  Speaker 3: is smaller, you know, the.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Pool is smaller feeling it.
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: The pool is smaller of like the quality of men
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: that you find. And if you feel like this is
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: your person, don't let something like this stop you from
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: like living out the love story that you do deserve
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: to get to have. And it, honestly, I reckon it's
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: something like this. Being able to overcome this would be
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: something that would bring you guys so much closer together.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: You've literally got what most girls are dreaming about.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you do.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Like everything you've mentioned, I'm.
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: Like tick tick tick tick that most of us and
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: you know what as well as it like, you know,
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: is it genuinely something about the relationship where you're like, oh,
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: there's something rocky here or is it just the stigma
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: and just the all?
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: But if people found out, what would they think?
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: And the fear of the discomfidence unknown for you, I
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: suppose too, is what it would feel like to have
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: that and the emotions that would go through processing that
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: you had that, because it is something that you can't
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: get rid of. So I totally understand that fear but
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: there's just so much more in this for you that's
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: so much more.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: Beautiful that overrides that.
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I think this is one of those
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: things as well as like you don't never want to
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: get to the end of your life and go fuck,
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: I didn't choose the man of my dreams because of
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: this one thing, or I decided to not go all
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: in just because I was afraid, Like you never want
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: to get to the end of your life and think
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: I didn't do what I wanted to do because I
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: was scared. Like it's just never worth it. It's always
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: worth taking the risk, and if it didn't work out, then,
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: you know, but at least you can say at the
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: end of the day that you tried and you gave
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: it all.
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: I agree.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I really hope that helps you need to wed love
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: on you so hard, on you a lot for sure.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: And your man, we love him so epic.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: He sounds amazing.
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: Well.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us for our very first best segment.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: If you have something that you would like an outside
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: perspective or any advice, the anonymous submission form is in
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: the box below and also always accessible in our forum
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: and on our Instagram bio. So we'll see you tomorrow.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: Can't wait to have you again.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: Bye bye,