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The Top 5 Excuses Narcissists Use to Escape Accountability · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So I'm a narcissist and I damn near have a PhD in making
• 0:05
  excuses for my behavior, just like your narcissistic partner
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  does. They might not have an actual
• 0:10
  PhD, but they have one in making excuses for their horrid action
• 0:15
  and behavior, right? They can do something.
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  I can do something terrible to you at 2:00 PM Eastern Standard
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  Time and have you apologizing to me to me by 2:15, 15 minutes
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  later, you'll be apologizing to me.
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  How, you might ask? I I'm glad you did by using the
• 0:37
  script. Everybody says narcissists have
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  a script. And today we're breaking down
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  the top five excuses every narcissist has in their back
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  pocket. Almost every narcissist you
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  don't know. I don't like to speak in
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  absolutes. Almost every narcissist has
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  these excuses in their back pocket.
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  If you hear these excuses, you aren't hearing the truth, you're
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  hearing a survival mechanism designed to keep you from ever
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  having to be from, to keep me from ever having to be the
• 1:03
  villain. So let's hop right into it,
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  y'all. I know intros are working.
• 1:08
  I'm working on the intros, y'all.
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  So don't you dare judge me. Don't you dare chastise me.
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  Don't you dare. I'm just a kid.
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  Excuse number one. I'm just joking.
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  So excuse number one, and these are in no particular order, what
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  do you think, excuse number one? What do y'all think excuse
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  number one is? Pause video, drop your excuse in
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  the conversation and then hit play and see how see how right
• 1:27
  you are. I want to write down your top
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  five excuses to see how right you are with the woman to the
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  OK, but we're right here. All right?
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  Number one, you made me do it. AKA the blame shift, right?
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  The blame shift, absolutely the blame shift.
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  Y'all might have heard this in my previous video about spirits
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  and guilt and remorse. But yeah, the blame shift is a
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  technique. It's also the excuse.
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  Like the logic behind it is I didn't yell because I have an
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  anchor problem. I didn't yell because I have,
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  I'm a narcissist and I'm, I'm having a narcissistic rage
• 2:00
  episode. I didn't do that.
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  I yelled because you pushed my buttons.
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  You triggered me. You set me off.
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  This makes you the trigger, right?
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  And me the victim of your narcissistic abuse, of your
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  explosion, of your provocation. It's your fault, not mine, not I
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  said the cat. And that's what ends up
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  happening right there with a lot of narcissists, right?
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  Just ain't bout like this. I'm the car, but you are the
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  driver. If I hit a wall, if I hit a
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  wall, it's your fault for steering.
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  You see what I'm saying? I'm the car, I'm the car, you're
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  the driver. If I, if, if I hit a wall, it's
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  your fault for steering the car. It sounds crazy, doesn't it?
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  That sounds ignorant as hell. I know you're like, wait, what?
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  Lee doesn't make any sense. Exactly, Exactly.
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  It doesn't make sense. I'm the car, you're, you hit a
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  wall. It's crazy.
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  It's an excuse right there. Excuse #2 I didn't mean to, I
• 3:03
  didn't mean to. I didn't mean to hurt you.
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  Impact versus intent, like the logic behind it is like this.
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  It, it wasn't my intention. Like if my attention intention
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  wasn't evil, then you are not allowed to be hurt.
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  If I didn't mean to cheat, you are not allowed to leave me.
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  You're not allowed to expose me. You're not allowed to hold me
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  accountable because I didn't mean to do it right, right?
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  I didn't mean to, right? I didn't mean to do it.
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  You made me do this. I mean to like, I use my good
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  heart, right? As a shield.
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  I use my good heart. And I said it very loosely
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  because, you know, a lot of narcissists think that they're
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  good people. I use my good heart as a shield
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  against the damage that I actually caused.
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  I put my heart out front, right? I put my heart out front.
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  So like they kind of like this. If I run over your foot with my
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  car, it doesn't matter if I didn't mean to.
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  Your foot is still broken, right?
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  That's how it goes right there. The impact is still the same.
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  They might not have intended to hurt you, but the impact is
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  still the same. They might not have intended to
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  cheat on you like that might have not been the case right
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  there. When they started working at
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  that job, when they first started to when they first took
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  their job, their first start wasn't to cheat with the
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  secretary, right? Their first start wouldn't,
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  wouldn't start sleeping with their boss behind your back.
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  But it did happen. The impact is still the same.
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  I don't care if you meant to do it or not.
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  I don't care if you meant to punch me or not.
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  I don't care if you meant to do this or not.
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  It's still the same, y'all? It's still, the impact is still
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  the same. Their intent might not be to
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  hurt you, but they did. I never meant to hurt you.
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  I never meant to make you cry. Of course they didn't intend to
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  make you cry. They didn't think they were
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  going to get caught. They didn't think that they
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  would get exposed. They didn't think that they
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  would be found out. Of course they didn't intend to
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  do it. But at the end of the day, they
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  still did it. It was still done.
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  That's the situation right there.
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  It was still done. Think about it like that before
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  the next time you get a narcissist that says I didn't
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  mean to. If it's if it's repeated
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  behavior, they did it on purpose.
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  You see what I'm saying? Intent versus impact.
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  I have a actually have a shirt part of my part of my brand.
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  I have a shirt. I should have a phone.
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  Nowhere is it it's intent over. It is impact over intent because
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  the intent impact is what matters most times, right?
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  I didn't intend to blow the world up.
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  I was just trying to make a cure for cancer and I just created an
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  atomic bomb that with the power of seven sons.
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  The impact is the same. We're blown to smithereens,
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  aren't we? Are we not?
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  We're blown to smithereens. So that's what goes right there.
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  Excuse #3 y'all, I know this right here might be on
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  everybody's right here. This right here, seriously might
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  be on everybody's. You ready?
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  I was just joking. AKA minimization.
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  They minimize it. They try to minimize the stuff
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  right here. The logic behind a narcissist
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  saying this is like this is how they test your boundaries.
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  This is how I would test your boundaries if I were your your
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  narcissist in your life, the narcissist, the person in your
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  life. This is how I would test your
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  boundaries. I say something cruel, say
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  something mean that I actually mean.
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  I mean it when I say it, but I'm trying to see if you'll take it.
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  I'm trying to see how it'll go over.
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  I'm trying to see how it will land right.
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  If you don't like it, if you, if your feelings get hurt, guess
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  what? I was just joking.
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  You're too sensitive now. The problem isn't what I said.
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  The problem isn't my up abject cruelty, my evil right?
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  The problem is your you don't have a sense of humor.
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  You don't get it. You don't get dark humor, right?
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  You don't get dark humor. Yeah.
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  I called you a big as a whale, as big as a house.
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  But that's the joke. We have a big house.
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  We had. No, we have a little house.
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  You know what I'm saying? You don't get it.
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  You don't get it. You just say everything.
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  Everything. You disrespectful.
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  Everything you disrespectful. You're too the operative word.
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  Now people use the the. I don't even say it.
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  Wait, wait, you're too sensitive.
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  I was just joking. You don't get dark humor.
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  It's always dark humor. Or it's you.
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  It's always, it's dark humor or you're too sensitive.
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  When they're not the butt of the joke, right?
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  If they're not the butt of the joke, then it's dark humor, then
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  it's you're too sensitive, right?
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  That's where it goes right there.
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  That's typically how it ends up. You know what I mean?
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  But you know, it's not a joke. They they meant it, but trying
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  to get to the bottom of it doesn't help you out.
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  Just like you were not joking. You did not joke.
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  They were serious. Going back and forth with them
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  get you nowhere because they're just going to argue.
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  They'll get louder, then they'll blame deflect, then they'll say,
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  well, I didn't mean to say it like that.
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  And then they say, you made me say it.
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  You said how to all ties in together.
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  And before I had a hard childhood, I had a bad
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  childhood. That's what I do.
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  I do, right? What really is going on right
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  here? The logic behind a narcissist is
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  using this right here. I had a bad childhood excuse.
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  It's because they get to weaponize their past, like to
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  get a free pass. They weaponize their past to get
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  a free pass in the present. Right now I use what happened to
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  me or didn't happen to me in my childhood to get by what I've
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  done right now. I'm broken.
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  I'm a broken little boy. So you have to be patient with
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  me. You have to give me chance after
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  chance after chance. I use your empathy against you.
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  I weaponize your own empathy. The fact that you care, I use it
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  against you. It's used against you.
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  And now because I use my empathy against you, guess what?
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  You never hold me accountable because you don't want to re
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  trigger my childhood. You don't want you a good
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  person. You don't want to re trigger my
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  childhood, do you? You see how it goes right there?
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  You don't want to re trigger me. So now you say, now you're doing
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  this, you're going back and forth.
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  This is what we do right here. You know what I mean?
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  This is the this is the position you put yourself.
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  This is bitching on right here. The you got to think about like
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  this though, even if they did have a tough childhood, lots of
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  people had a hard childhood, but they don't become horrible ass
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  asshole people that treat you terribly, right?
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  A lot of people had a good a bad childhood, but they didn't grow
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  up to be predators. They didn't grow up to be
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  abusers. You know what I mean?
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  And sometimes let's, let's do, let's get this, let's get the,
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  the big narcissistic elephant out the room, right?
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  Sometimes they be lying about their childhoods, man, Not
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  everybody, every narcissist has had a tough childhood.
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  Sometimes these narcissistic people be lying, they asses off
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  about what they actually experienced and what they
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  actually went through. That's the truth right there.
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  Some narcissists do not like they just be lying.
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  They asses off about what actually be going on or what
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  actually be happening. They they lie about their
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  childhood to use the same excuse.
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  I had a bad childhood, but he talked to their parents.
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  So you talked to their brothers and just like they lying.
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  We had an amazing childhood. They just they're just
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  narcissist. So definitely watch out for
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  that. I had a bad childhood excuse
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  because they will be coming to gets right here and the last but
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  not least show they'll blame just straight up blaming you.
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  If you would just do this, then I wouldn't do that.
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  They just put it on to you. Like if you would do this, I
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  would do that because it's like conditional change right here,
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  right? They'll like, I will tell you
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  that I will change a behavior like if you stop nagging, like
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  if you lose weight, if you make more money, if you like, if you
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  do this, if you do that, if you give in and don't bring it up
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  anymore, like I will change it. I'll go to therapy if you stop
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  bringing up my cheating. I'll go to church if you promise
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  to not tell anybody that I what I did to you, I'll talk to the
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  pastor. I'll change jobs.
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  I'll do this. I'll do that.
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  If you do it, I'll I will if you mean.
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  But what ends up happening is they move the goal posts when
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  you if you do what they ask you to do, they'll just move the
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  goal posts. They'll just add other
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  conditions to this. This is like conditional change
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  right here. Like is that conditional?
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  Like they'll add more go, they'll add more things to it.
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  They'll move the goal posts so that it went it when I
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  inevitably failed to change, I could just add something on to
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  what you did or didn't do. I could just say you didn't do
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  this right here. You didn't give me enough.
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  You didn't go to like you didn't change enough.
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  So I what do you expect me to do?
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  You didn't meet like you didn't meet your burden either.
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  So they'll put it on to you as well.
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  You saw that the conditional shift the the conditional shift
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  right there man, it's just in this space right here.
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  Y'all excuses are always the same.
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  Like you say, these excuses are always the same like they really
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  will really like in every excuse is a reason how they're not
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  going to get better, how they're not going to change like if
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  they're giving you like the butt butt butt watch out.
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  Watch out for the big, the big butts, the big booties, the big,
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  the big, the BBLS. Watch out for the big butts,
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  right? Watch out for the big butts
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  because they are sitting on the truth, right?
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  This is what happens. Y'all you, you got to like when
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  they make these excuses, you don't have to take them.
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  You don't have to believe them. And like, I'm not saying get up
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  and fight them or do whatever the case may be like, it's tough
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  dealing with a narcissist. I understand that, right?
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  I understand that to the umpteenth power, it's tough
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  dealing with somebody that hasn't, you know, an open
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  personality disorder or somebody that just being a horrible human
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  being. It is extremely tough in these
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  scenarios, in these situations like this is how narcissist mind
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  works. They're always going to make an
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  excuse. They're always going to just say
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  hey, the I didn't do this or you didn't do that rabble rabble
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  rabble, blah blah blah, Boo Boo Boo BB.
• 12:45
  It's always going to be something that you have or
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  haven't done that makes them the way that they are or the way
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  that they are not. You mean that's typically how it
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  goes? So y'all, this is what you do
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  with when you have a narcissistic person.
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  A narcissistic bastard I heard just being horrible and whatnot.
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  So stop making them. Let's stop letting make these
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  excuses, y'all. Stop taking those excuses.
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  Stop believing everything out of their mouth.
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  A lot of narcissists are pathological liars and they will
• 13:08
  lie their asses off to get their needs met.
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  Anyway. Y'all hit the subscribe button.
• 13:13
  Check out my website mentalillness.net for my one on
• 13:15
  ones and my courses that have helped a lot of people heal from
• 13:18
  narcissistic abuse and also understand what they went
• 13:20
  through. You can find all of that at
• 13:22
  mentalillness.net. Peace.